The Goldman State
Ed Goldman is a longtime newspaper and magazine columnist, the author of five books and creator of The Goldman State, a three-times-a-week online column with subscribers in 40 states, Canada and Europe. A professional playwright, composer and painter, Ed has also taught journalism at five California Universities and community colleges. His bucket list includes becoming the victim of a corporate takeover. This podcast is an extension of his unique take on the world around us and his interpretation, with all the creativity imaginable, of what that would literally sound like if he were to speak it.
The Goldman State
Episode 78: TV's Second Season-A Snark Preview.
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Let's take a somewhat nostalgic look at some of televisions most popular programs of the past, reimagined. "A horse is a horse unless of course..."
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00:12 - Ed Goldman (Host)
Hi, this is Ed Goldman with the Goldman State Podcast. When network television ruled the world, executives liked to erase our memories of disastrous shows that debuted in the fall. Executives like to erase our memories of disastrous shows that debuted in the fall. Anyone remember Super Train, manimal, my Mother, the Car or Lorne Green as Griff? They introduced us to a second season of programming. It used to happen right about now. Now, even though that business model has taken a backseat to streaming, subscription and pay-per-view options, the networks still plan to roll out a new menu of shows any moment.
00:48
Now here's a snark peek Number one afraid of the dork. Don't know much about algebra, don't know what a slide rule is for, neither did the great singer of those lines, sam Cooke. In this sitcom, filmed before a drugged studio audience, a small town's similarly afflicted underachieving students pool their allowances and combine their IQs to hire their high school's acknowledged brainiac, a still peppy John Cryer, to tutor them. We get to sit in on the sessions and well, that's about it. Here's another show, how I Harried your Mother, narrated by an unseen participant in the FBI's Witness Protection Program. This show offers a nostalgic look at how the narrator constantly annoyed his wife during their long, but seemingly longer marriage. Intended as a cautionary tale. The narrator says he always answered honestly if his wife asked him questions such as does this apron make me look tubbier, did you like the plant-based meatloaf I made? And who's the best lover you ever had? Calling each question fully loaded, the man said his wife soon stopped asking him anything which bothered her more than him. Another show would be called the Bear. Now, this is not the one you usually see. This is the Bear B-A-R-E. We're backstage with the restaurant staff again, but this time they're all inexplicably naked, meaning you won't see too much deep fat frying until the producers purchase oil scalding insurance. Then we have a new version of Shogun, this time spelled S-H-O-W gun. While this show's title, spoken aloud, could lure you into thinking it'd be about Japan in 1600, it's actually about a nutty NRA executive director, his crew of zany lobbyists and what they do if they encounter an elected official who refuses a bribe. They show gun. Another show Familiar Guy. This will air on the 24-hour Ryan Seacrest channel.
02:41
Another show Geriatric Sheldon, the math and science whiz we met as a young man in the Big Bang Theory and as a boy in Young. Sheldon is now 83 and driving both guests and staff crazy at an assisted living facility. Here's a sample line. When we say zip it, sheldon, we're no longer referring to your mouth Rated PG, my Favorite Marshland. Sponsored by Mutual of Omaha, this docudrama follows a group of optimistic young environmentalists into the Sunshine State's wildest areas, including the Everglades, the Florida Keys and Mar-a-Lago. The show's original title, fens, didn't test well, falsely raising expectations that it would feature Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox in khaki shorts and pith helmets fighting off mosquitoes and suitors in a swamp-surrounded coffee shop, central Merck.
03:32
Another show Orange is the New Black, a prison fantasy drama. Hbo enjoyed great success with its previous incarnation, juggernaut Oz, set at a fictional men's prison, as did Netflix with its own series Orange is the New Black set in a women's prison. This show's set in a minimum security co-ed prison for former political leaders. In fact, the original title was Club Fed. This fantasy comedy stars Alec Baldwin, fresh from his exoneration, james Austin Johnson and Daryl Hammond, all of whom have played a certain US president. They'll take turns playing President Trump as a conman turned con. The first season's story arc sees him getting cellmates to give him the salaries they earn from their road crew and laundry jobs, promising them he'll build a prison yard wall with sliding doors. And finally, the show we're all waiting for, mr Ed yes, my own show, adapted from my weekly podcast, in which you'll both see and hear me talking Horse. Of course, of course, I'm Ed Goldman. My column, the Goldman State, comes out every Monday, wednesday and Friday. You can subscribe for free at GoldmanStatecom. Thanks for listening.