The Goldman State
Ed Goldman is a longtime newspaper and magazine columnist, the author of five books and creator of The Goldman State, a three-times-a-week online column with subscribers in 40 states, Canada and Europe. A professional playwright, composer and painter, Ed has also taught journalism at five California Universities and community colleges. His bucket list includes becoming the victim of a corporate takeover. This podcast is an extension of his unique take on the world around us and his interpretation, with all the creativity imaginable, of what that would literally sound like if he were to speak it.
The Goldman State
Episode 79: We'll Discuss It Later.
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Ever been on the receiving end of the ominous "We'll discuss it later"? Or the equally ominous, "Wait until your father gets home"? Let's refresh those memories, shall we?
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00:12 - Ed Goldman (Host)
Hi, this is Ed Goldman with the Goldman State Podcast. Watching Casablanca the other night for the 978th time, I was finally struck by the significance of a line other than here's. Looking at you, kid and round up the usual suspects it was. We'll discuss it later. This is what Victor Laszlo, paul Heinrich, says rather tensely to his wife, ilsa Lund, ingrid Bergman, after Rick Blaine, humphrey Bogart tells Laszlo he won't sell him the letters of transit, the couple needs to leave the title locale. Laszlo asks why Rick won't sell and Rick pointedly suggests that Laszlo ask your wife. As Laszlo hurriedly escorts Lund out of Rick's Café American where he's made the pitch, she asks him how the chat went with Rick. That's when Laszlo says we'll discuss it later.
01:07
How many of us have been figuratively cut off at the knees when a significant other parent or parole officer says the same thing, implying that the next conversation they have with you may end with your getting, respectively, divorced, grounded or returned to prison? Now, I'm not implying that any listeners of this podcast are unhappy partners, naughty kids or terminal recidivists, just that we've all been told at one time or another we're in for some sort of oral shellacking In private. We'll discuss it later as the grown-up version of wait till your father gets home. Neither portends a jolly chat. When my mom used to say the latter to me, I'd sassily respond good, I like to tell my side of this. That opportunity rarely presented itself. My dad would come home, my mom would plead her case and punishment was rendered before I had a chance to defend my behavior, which I'm guessing fell into the category of aberrant. When my mom added sassing her to my crimes as Exhibit B, I was a dead kid walking. Now, the warning phrase we'll discuss it later is often delivered through clenched teeth.
02:14
One word at a time, we'll discuss it later. It's the same paralytic lips delivery you try to master when practicing to be a ventriloquist. I bought book after book about that when I was about 11 years old and my folks gave me a Jerry Mahoney dummy as a somewhat costly birthday gift. Jerry Mahoney was one of two puppets used in his act by the late great ventriloquist Paul Winchell who, as a side hustle, helped develop the artificial heart. Seriously, one thing you try to learn in studying ventriloquy is speaking without moving your lips so you can make it appear the dummy is talking. I found this achievable only to a point I could never say words with a, b, m or P in it. The manuals suggested you substitute the letter K for a P, which means potato pancakes comes out sounding like Cocado Cancakes. I never ended up performing the ventriloquism act. I practiced in my room for hours because I actually made myself laugh at my ineptitude. That could have become an act in itself, I suppose, but also would have made me a one-trick pony. I don't know whom we think we're fooling when we say to our significant other we'll discuss it later in an intended indoor voice. Everyone in the room can either hear you say it or can simply interpret from your frozen smile and non-moving lips that making love will not be high on either person's agenda that night.
03:40
I'm Ed Goldman. My column, the Goldman State, comes out every Monday, wednesday and Friday. You can subscribe for free at GoldmanStatecom. Thanks for listening.