The Goldman State
Ed Goldman is a longtime newspaper and magazine columnist, the author of five books and creator of The Goldman State, a three-times-a-week online column with subscribers in 40 states, Canada and Europe. A professional playwright, composer and painter, Ed has also taught journalism at five California Universities and community colleges. His bucket list includes becoming the victim of a corporate takeover. This podcast is an extension of his unique take on the world around us and his interpretation, with all the creativity imaginable, of what that would literally sound like if he were to speak it.
The Goldman State
Episode 83: They Went Which-a-Way?
Please text me what you think of this episode. I would love to hear from you.
Ever gotten lost in a maze of buildings on a campus of sorts? C'mon now, I know you have. What if we had our own personal sherpas to guide us? This episode I share my concept in full detail for those of us more prone to "lost" than "found."
Be sure to subscribe to my thrice weekly column, The Goldman State, by visiting the WEBSITE HERE. Thanks for listening.
00:12 - Ed Goldman (Host)
Hi, this is Ed Goldman with the Goldman State Podcast. Wayfinding systems what we used to call signage, before we read books on urban planning are designed to get you through the maze-like corridors and parking lots of hospitals, airports, office parks and college campuses. If there's construction going on at any of those facilities, most of the signs are inadequate or outdated, which is pretty much the same thing. This is why I'm strongly recommending developers and property managers start adding these experienced professionals to their staffs Sherpas. Maybe you think of all Sherpas as being Nepalese guides for mountain climbers who dare to ascend the Himalayas or the Alps. They're actually members of a Tibetan ethnic group, but also legendary escorts. They're human global positioning systems. If you will and you may not, but I had to give it a shot, Sherpas can find their way through blizzards, avalanches and hailstorms. They can negotiate mazes, hazes and lunar phases. They seem to have been born with a sense of direction, ie the gene I've lacked since before birth. I'm sure if they'd had better x-ray devices when I was still in utero, they'd have discovered me trying to make my way to an alternate exit. Please don't dwell on that image.
01:30
I came up with this idea recently when visiting a dear friend in the hospital. This particular hospital has more buildings than a Monopoly set and, as a natural compliment, none and I mean none of the people at the check-in desks knew where to direct me. After walking to three of the wrong buildings I was directed to over the period of an hour, I had a pretty solid idea of where I'd like to direct them. Eventually, I was led by an actual person, a nurse, to the correct building, the second floor bridge to the next building, the right hallway and even the intended elevator At this particular hospital complex meaning the campus itself, not what I was developing because of the experience the walls, bridges and even elevator doors are color-coded. Had someone told me that from the fabled get-go, I'm sure it would have helped. Though God help the colorblind person trying to navigate this deranged funhouse.
02:23
To pilot my DSP, that's, my domestic Sherpa program, I'd choose the most unforgiving, coronary-inducing, madness-making place on the planet, an IKEA store. This institution has dual specialties, as you must know. First are its gotcha assembly instructions, which contain a few words and even fewer instructions, just graphics of the model you didn't buy, which is why several parts seem to be missing in the box. Second is IKEA's strategically nightmarish floor layout, which makes the Minotaur's underground cave in Greek mythology seem like the. It's a Small World ride at Disney Parks. If you've been spared the experience. This is the ride with 500 maladjusted dolls singing the theme song enough times to make earworms seem less like an annoyance than an invading species. If you ever take this ride while under the influence of certain pharmaceuticals, you'll be doomed to recall each of those doll faces as Chucky who made such a splash in those Halloween movies.
03:23
The intent of IKEA's design is to ensure you travel through each of its departments, perhaps multiple times, en route to your destination. And if you can still remember what that mecca is, I commend you. Now, in my fantasy, a Sherpa would blaze a path for us through the various departments by hacking our way through the furniture, lighting, textiles, tools, chinaware, modular sofas and rugs, clearing a path for me to the store's least complicated product frozen meatballs. Sadly, ikea no longer sells these in 14 European countries quote after horse meat was discovered in the Swedish-made product in the Czech Republic unquote according to an online report. The good news is, unless you live in Europe, you can still enjoy these mysteriously tasty morsels in the US. In fact, after your ordeal to reach them, why not buy a nice meatball lunch for you and your Sherpa. After all, you and he still have to find your car in the IKEA parking lot. Wayfinding will be much more enjoyable on full stomachs.
04:25
I'm Ed Goldman. My column, the Goldman State, comes out every Monday, wednesday and Friday. You can subscribe for free at GoldmanStatecom. Thanks for listening.