The Goldman State
Ed Goldman is a longtime newspaper and magazine columnist, the author of five books and creator of The Goldman State, a three-times-a-week online column with subscribers in 40 states, Canada and Europe. A professional playwright, composer and painter, Ed has also taught journalism at five California Universities and community colleges. His bucket list includes becoming the victim of a corporate takeover. This podcast is an extension of his unique take on the world around us and his interpretation, with all the creativity imaginable, of what that would literally sound like if he were to speak it.
The Goldman State
Episode 93: Of Mice and Scientist
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Rodent revelry in neuropathway discovery. What we can learn from mice and men.
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00:00 - Ed Goldman (Host)
Hi, this is Ed Goldman with the Goldman State Podcast. A popular children's story explores what happens if you give a mouse a cookie. Scientists have now upgraded that to what happens if you show a mouse video snippets of the matrix. In studying a tiny portion of a mouse's brain which sounds redundant, doesn't it? Seemingly sane grown-ups were able to create quote the largest functional map of a brain to date, a diagram of the wiring connecting 84,000 neurons as they fire off messages, unquote, according to an Associated Press story. Now, if you're wondering what those messages consist of, you've come to the right place. The Goldman State's mouse message grokking and openly observing division, also known as mm-mm. Good. Any similarity between the name of our think tank and the Campbell's soup tagline is not only coincidental but also yummy with saltines or oyster crackers. Anyway, here's a transcript. Date 4-16-25, 10 pm from Rupert Rodent, certified lab rat. 2510 pm. From Rupert Rodent, certified lab rat, to Vernon Vermin, maze master.
01:07
Subject on viewing the Matrix. Have you seen this mental cheese trap someone calls a movie? It's supposed to sound really deep and mystical, but it doesn't help that the hero is played by someone called Keanu Reeves, who doesn't look bright enough to open a bag of Cheetos without a user's manual. Not sure why the white smocks drugged me, wired me and forced me to watch it. Maybe they thought I could figure it out, and if I did I'd tell them what the hell it was about. Just spitballing here, but I'd say it's about making a choice between the real world and AI. Your thoughts Right there with you, rup. They hooked me up to watch the same damn thing and I figured it out, even with half my psychics down. The only question I had afterward was are Keanu Reeves and Adam Driver the same dude? I think one of them was in Megalopolis, the movie that proves even a legendary director like Francis Ford Coppola has a sell-by date, if you know what I mean.
02:03
What have they got in mind for the rest of the week? No squeaking idea. My mouse. I overheard one of the white smocks marveling at how they traced our neurons, communicating via quote branch-like fibers through 500 million junctions called synapses. These clowns really talk like this. All I know is they're putting all the data together in like a 3D reconstruction. And here's the best part Vern. It's color-coded so they can monitor different brain circuitry. I guess they think if they can figure out how mice think, it'll tell them how humans do. They don't seem to realize how much more advanced mouse brains are than human ones. Is that true, rup? What makes you say so? How about the fact that we've had this entire exchange by mental telepathy? Well, gotta run, Vern. The local news is starting and my TiVo's down. Something we could fix in a jiffy if someone had given us the possible thumbs. I mean, we're wired for it, bro. I'm Ed Goldman. My column, the Goldman State, comes out every Monday, wednesday and Friday. You can subscribe for free at GoldmanStatecom.