The Goldman State
Ed Goldman is a longtime newspaper and magazine columnist, the author of five books and creator of The Goldman State, a three-times-a-week online column with subscribers in 40 states, Canada and Europe. A professional playwright, composer and painter, Ed has also taught journalism at five California Universities and community colleges. His bucket list includes becoming the victim of a corporate takeover. This podcast is an extension of his unique take on the world around us and his interpretation, with all the creativity imaginable, of what that would literally sound like if he were to speak it.
The Goldman State
Episode 117: Hanks, But No Hanks. Tom Hanks to be Perfectly Clear.
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Did the military really just un-invite one of our big screen's most patriotic performers? West Point, what were you thinking?
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00:00 - Ed Goldman (Host)
Hi, this is Ed Goldman with the Goldman State Podcast. I'm not sure how much more Tom Hanks can do to prove he's a patriot. The two-time Oscar-winning actor, director, writer and documentary filmmaker has done far more than our bone-spur yes, draft-dodging, bloviating civilian president has ever done to authentically honor American service people. Tom Hanks has played a battalion's worth of military roles in movies. More important, his off-screen soldiering has included serving as the national spokesperson for the World War II Memorial in Washington DC and working on the late Bob Dole's campaign to create the Dwight D Eisenhower Memorial. He's an honorary member of the US Army's Ranger Hall of Fame and nine years ago received the Presidential Medal of Freedom. But for the manly military men on West Point's Alumni Association, hank's exercise of free speech and support of Democratic candidates apparently disqualify him to accept an award he was poised to present to him last month, an award whose rationale was largely based on the accomplishments I just listed, which I caged from a news release, a news release issued by you guessed it West Point. Here's a question Are these actually manly military men or high school mean girls who, like don't want to upset the head? Mean girl Donald Dean who's like we're going to ghost them or, like worse, cancel them for liking Tom the cute guy. Well, our reliably fictitious sources have provided us with a transcript of the secret meeting of the clique that disinvited one of the most popular pro-military guys on campus to receive the award. So we are like all here. Did everyone get their requested salad or vegan entree? Sorry, colonel, but I specifically requested no cheese, and there's one practically making moves on my butternut squash kale salad. Sorry to be like a problem child, but I swear to God I am Major Bummed. Hey, major Bummed was my nickname when I went up against the Enema Fleet in Granada Enemy Fleet, anyway, I like I resent your remark. Oh, so sorry, not sorry, I'm like whatever today, whatever, what, it's like this, the Tom Hanks thingy, oh, I think Donald Dean's totally tubing him was totally tubular, but still like it's grody all right, but I don't know. I, uh, I like, feel you all right, I think what Donald Dean in is bitchin', but I can't help feelin', you know, like we're gonna get killed for this, literally, literally, as if. Well, not literally like literally, you know the other thing Figuratively, yeah, yeah, gnarly, colonel, totally. Oh, gag me with your silver spoon. You kiss-up, that's like you. But who am I silver spoon, you kiss up, that's like you, but who am I? People chill pills all around.
02:48
Okay, we have to decide if we're going to disinvite Tom Hanks, who was really awesome in Saving Private Ryan, captain Phillips and Sully, and let's not forget he served in NOM as Forrest Gump. Okay, we have to like listen to Donald Dean if we don't want to lose the fruit salad on our chests, our titles, our military retirement, our paid-for housing and drivers and exclusive use of the officer's club when entertaining our nieces from Baltimore. Just as a point of convo. Fruit salad isn't allowed on my paleo diet, thulean, stupidly noted. Look, hanks is one of the most beloved movie stars who ever lived. We have to give him something. Uh, how about a box of chocolates, as in life is like you know from Forrest Gump. Oh, bitchin'. I'm Ed Goldman. My column, the Goldman State, comes out every Monday, wednesday and Friday. You can subscribe for free at GoldmanStatecom. Thanks for listening.