%20copy.png)
In The Meadow with Kiki
Welcome to the Meadow! Join me as we delve into the world of mindset, spirituality, personal development, entrepreneurship, manifestation, philosophy, and more!
I am here to encourage us all to connect with ourselves and the world around us through conversation, play, presence, curiosity, and wonder.
As we learn to cultivate a deeper understanding of our being, call in our most aligned and expansive life, and tune into the deepest parts of ourselves and the universe.
Follow along for the ride!
In The Meadow with Kiki
75. When the Dream Evolves: Pivoting, Persevering, and Finding Your Way Back to Yourself.
✦ Today in the Meadow we celebrate the midpoint of spring! A time of fire, desire, and awakening life.
✦ We talk all about the beauty of building your own creative path is that you get to choose. You can restructure, repot, and reimagine as often as needed.
✦ Success can be disorienting—sometimes the very thing you’ve dreamed of brings unexpected challenges that ask you to grow in new ways.
✦ The creative path is nonlinear. You don’t need to get it perfect—you just need to keep listening, adjusting, and returning to your truth.
✦ Your nervous system is your foundation. Regulating your energy is just as important as any strategy.
✦ When your creations stop feeling joyful, it’s a signal—not a failure. That’s your invitation to pause, reflect, and realign.
✦ Inspiration won’t always strike. But you create can space for it—through ritual, intention, and self-connection
✦ Discipline and softness can coexist. You can stay committed to your dream and give yourself permission to adapt the way you get there.
………………………………………………
Thanks for stopping by the meadow. Thank you, I love you. I'll see ya on the next one! <3
Enroll in UNLOCK YOUR DREAM REALITY today!
⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺₊⋆
꩜ Free path to purpose workbook ꩜
꩜ Free Magnetic Morning Ritual ꩜
⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺₊⋆
★ Watch the podcast on YouTube! ★
⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺₊⋆
𖤓 Meadow Blankets𖤓
✦ kikismeadow on instagram! ✦
꩜ The Meadow is The portal on Instagram ꩜
⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺₊⋆
Get on the waitlist for the next round of Unlock Your Dream...
Hello everybody and welcome back to In the Meadow with Kiki. I believe that every single one of us is meant to have a slice of this life beyond what our wildest dreams can imagine. And the path to that life is hidden in the very dreams that we hold in our heart, just waiting to be created. I want the meadow to be a break in the clouds, a breath of fresh air to show you what is truly possible in this life. In the meadow, we're done letting life pass us by the sidelines, seeing the same patterns keep us in the same place month after month, year after year. My mission is to give you all the tools, resources, inspiration and ideas to light a fire under your ass to stop waiting and finally take action towards those dreams that keep you up at night. So get ready to dive into the world of manifestation, psychology, energetics, creativity, and a little dash of conscious entrepreneurship so that you have all the tools that you need to step into your next level dream reality. So join me as we walk down the path of a life beyond our wildest dreams all through the portal of the meadow. Let's go! Hello everybody and welcome back to in the middle of kiki I am so happy to be here and i'm so happy you're here and welcome to another fucking episode, baby We're back. I'm here. Hello. I've missed you so much holy shit, I cannot tell you how much this podcast means to me and How much life it gives me and how I genuinely feel like a part of myself is missing when i'm not here with you guys I've taken another couple weeks of weeks of a break. I know I only got to episode 3 of the season 3 and had to step away for a little bit. It was much needed. I needed that time to build the thing that I've been building and go through this birth of my brand and just so much has happened. I really did need a step away to just... get my bearings, reground myself, figure out where the fuck I am in this universe and I'm done waiting. I feel like when you let go of something for a little bit, again, I said it, I've said it again, I will say it again, again and again and again. Momentum is everything and sometimes you need to take a break but you gotta figure out how you're gonna get back on the horse. like when you get back into the habit of not showing up on something that you've been showing up so consistently to, It's like your brain just kind of turns off on like that habit and that thing that you're creating and it just feels like it takes so much more conscious effort to pull yourself back up there and Yeah, there's just a million and one excuses always for why you don't want to be showing up But here I am showing the fuck up I'm back in San Diego on my family's olive orchard back home under the trees for a couple days and it's been a beautiful little reset after the most chaotic couple months in Los Angeles. Amazing couple months, been such an amazing adventure but it has been chaotic nonetheless. And yeah, it's been a beautiful time to kind of just really, really sit and think on all of the magic and all of the difficulties and craziness that have been happening over the last few months and I think it's a perfect time to sit here with you guys and chat. It's also the pagan holiday of I think it's pronounced BEL-tina? But it's spelled like BEL-tane. It is the pagan holiday that is celebrated on May 1st that is celebrating really the halfway midpoint of spring, which is where we're at today. It is like the peak of spring. and a little writing about this pagan holiday is, Beltane is the wild and blooming midpoint between spring and summer, a time of fire, desire, and awakening life. Today we honor the parts of us who are ready to rise and the versions of ourselves that are ready to create, to love, to lead, and to burn. So it feels quite fitting to have this be my first start date back. And yeah, I'm just so excited to dive into all of life that's been happening, trying to organize my thoughts as best as possible. so that you guys can walk away from this feeling inspired and connected and grounded while still being honest and authentic about the roller coaster of life that I've been on. So yeah, let's dive in. So last we spoke, I had, I think it was, yeah. I was just about to launch my brand, the meadow is the portal. I think I was like days away from actually launching it the last time that episode came out and holy shit, it has been a journey. It feels like I have lived five fucking lifetimes since my launch party because my launch party was not just a launch party, it was really like the launch of my brand. So I went live on my website. I had my products available. I had the most incredible launch I could have ever asked for genuinely. It was absolute magic. My entire community came together to celebrate with me and also so many more people that I just had never even met. I met so many new people at my launch party. It was incredible. I think a sweet little synchronicity that happened was as I was preparing my gift bags because I made these gorgeous little meadow gift bags. Gosh, I still need to post so much more on my socials from that party. But I made these adorable little gift bags where I printed my logo. on the canvas tote bag. had these tiny little cute little canvas tote bags and notebooks in them and so I printed them with my stamp with like fabric paint and as I was ordering them I decided I wanted to order 80 of them and my person that was helping me put this thing on and a couple other people were like well I think 80 is kind of pushing it like do you really think you're gonna get 80 people like I think that's a little bit much like you don't want to be wasteful like you know and I was like okay I'm ordering 80. I'm just gonna do it. My intuition is telling me that I gotta order 80 Let's fucking go and I ordered 80 I had 80 gift bags and guess what the fucking RSVP number was right before the launch party. It was 80 RSVPs It was such an example of just like claiming with what you want and making it happen And it did and I think that like way more than 80 people even showed up as well I had my friends DJing my boyfriend played music but they were all spinning and I had my gorgeous amazing friend Jacqueline and her brand Earth's Titi have a little tea blend station where she was giving out her tea blends from her brand we had a couple technical difficulties with the power but besides that it was everything and so much more leading up to the event I also had an incredible photo shoot with my friends to promote the products and it was everything it's been crazy since that day and it feels like that was just such a high and such a win that I am so incredibly incredibly grateful for and I will literally never forget it. Now it's been a journey since that day. It has been a ride and yeah, I am ready to just sit down and chat with you guys all about what it's been like and the decisions I've been making around my brand and let's get into it. I like a lot of people give me advice that I don't have to be that authentic on my podcast. Like I can leave things out, but I can't help it. You guys like I just want to fucking spill all the beans, all the tea about the real raw experience and what it is to step into entrepreneurship and to step into building a soulful led brand. yeah so pretty much the launch party was such a success that i sold out of a couple of the most popular sizes literally within the first week which was amazing right? like huge win. fuck yeah it was amazing to sell out. i was so grateful for that. obviously it meant that it was doing well but i ran into what took like almost three weeks, a little over three weeks of a production issue to solve that I'm not gonna get into the details of but it was such a mindfuck because I had sold out of so much of my product and it was like such a good thing I was building so much momentum but then as I was really struggling with the production issue I didn't know how to move forward, like not gonna lie, I didn't know how to, I didn't know what to do because like I didn't have most of my most popular size as an inventory and so I had to struggle with like balancing that step between promoting and like pushing my brand out there while also being like, okay, well buy my thing, but I don't have your size, you know? And so I think that I kind of reached a little bit of a slump in those couple of weeks because I just didn't know how to navigate that. I was like, okay, I want to go all in, want to do all the marketing, I want to get my ads up, I want to push this shit out there, but I am kind of fumbling around how to move forward when I'm struggling with inventory. it was solved, i figured it out, it took so much, was miscommunication, misprinting, misdesign, there was just a couple things that were just not going well and it was taking everything within me not to lose my shit during the process but it is what it is, right? that's what i asked for, this journey of entrepreneurship, building my brand, and having these physical products it's been a lot and yeah, since then I think that I have... really been rethinking the business model that I have spent so long building and creating and yeah I'm not gonna get too deeply into the details on that but essentially I have noticed that this side of my brand has really pulled away so much of my attention and energy and focus that I had been putting into the more educational side of my brand this podcast my digital products and obviously I've known that that was going to happen and that I'd have to find a way to do balance of it but I think that I had started losing track of why I started all of this in the first place and I'm really reconsidering you know my business model and like how I want to move forward with this brand after you know my launch and this has been some of the hardest, heaviest, most difficult things to be reconsidering and it's taught me so fucking much about chasing your dreams and being able to sustain and to have the resilience of moving through these chapters and through the confusion and through the ups and the losses and the wins and the failures and the celebrations and how does regulating it is your nervous system and how crucial it is to be able to have you and hold you and take care of you and come home to you. I think that... It's felt like I've just been carried away in a tornado that is this brand and I'm still at a relatively small scale, but I think that that has come with a lot of shame and a lot of guilt and a lot of confusion and a lot of just like, well, shit, like I have been building this model for the last, what feels like a year, more like 10 months. I mean, close to it. Yeah. I think that it's genuinely this energy of like, okay. things are not exactly what I was expecting them to be, what I'm gonna do about it now, right? And like, how can I move forward and keep fucking reiterating, removing, regrowing, and continuously fine tune the brand and the life that I wanna build for myself and know that there's a balance between commitments and staying locked in and staying focused with your head down, working towards... dream and a vision that you want to create and staying flexible and staying malleable and being able to take whatever life throws at you and roll with the punches and adapt and change and pivot and keep redesigning what you want to create into what you've been dreaming of and like what you want because I think that the path that I was going down I think I could see different versions of what that was going to look like and it kind of took me back and made me really reconsider a little bit. Now, it doesn't mean that the meadow, portal is not going anywhere, but I think that I'm going to do some restructuring and some rethinking about what I want that to look like so that we can prioritize this shit, prioritize the podcast, prioritize me connecting with you guys every week and creating a platform of connection and inspiration. and creativity so that the physical products can really highlight that and really bring that together rather than taking away from it. And the beauty of it is that it's my fucking brand. I get to choose. I get to decide what I want to create and I get to decide how I want to reimagine and rethink and redo and recreate as I go along this path and to not hold on to things so firmly where it feels like I put it into a chokehold, you know? I was just at this panel on resilience and the speaker said something so touching and it was that resilience isn't hard like a fist. Resilience is actually malleable, like a soft hand with its palms wide open. It's soft, it can move, it can change. And I think that there is this softness that can come from moving. and rolling with the punches and allowing yourself to know that that's okay while staying fucking committed to the end vision even when you don't know exactly what that's gonna look like and then for me i think that something that's helped so much has been being able to focus on the feeling that i want to feel and focus on the energy of the life that i want to live in moments of a little bit more confusion because I think that there is definitely a lot that feels a little unclear to me right now and that's okay. And rather than just letting that fucking paralyze me and keep me stuck, I'm choosing to get back up and keep moving forward and use this as information and a part of the path that's guiding me to where I'm supposed to be going. I think another part about where I'm at right now in my growth, my journey, I love the analogy of just regrowing the pot that you're in, right? Like when you're planting, in pot, there's nothing wrong with that pot, but sometimes you need to outgrow it and get into a new pot and that process is actually really fucking uncomfortable because you're usually, you know, cozy at your home in your own little pot, but you have to move into something bigger, more expansive, more roomier, and so you have to repot yourself because you outgrow where you're at and I think that that's kind of where I'm at as well right now, where it's like... things in my life that have helped me get to where I am today aren't really cutting it anymore and I've grown so much and I've done so much work but I'm ready to step into this next level in this next chapter of my life. Hey guys, this is Kiki from the day after the recording you just listened to. I was recording this like close to midnight last night and I had a little technical difficulty and rather than just pushing through I decided to just give it a moment and continue the episode today. So here I am. I'm really happy that I did because I was just losing my brain trying to like fix this problem and I was not going to be in the right energy to continue the episode if I just muscle through it. So here we are the day after I just went on the most incredible hike near my property, the olive orchard. It was so beautiful. my God. The flowers right now are blooming like crazy. It just takes my breath away every single time I was with my mom and we ended up at the river and we just I just jump in with like our underwear into the river and it felt like the most cleansing magical most beautiful experience ever and I just feel so energized and ready to come back into this episode. So as you heard I was expressing so much about just where I'm at with my business, my brand, what I'm building with the meadow and kind of going through this like confusing a little more... It's like, I want to say slower, but it's not slower. It's like so fast and so much is going on, but I do catch myself needing to slow down through all of it. But the moral of the story is that my priority is this fucking podcast and what this podcast represents and having conversations with you guys and my amazing guests every single week. And what comes from these beautiful soulful conversations and what branches out of that with it, which is the educational and inspirational material that the Meadow has to offer. And I have just noticed, not to repeat myself but just to follow up from the last part of the episode, that um yeah what I've been doing with the physical product side of the brand has really taken away from all of that energy that I've been able to pour into that so... At this point, halfway through spring, I'm really making an intention to restructure and to rethink how this is all gonna look in order to prioritize this and have everything else highlight it. And more importantly, just commit to showing the fuck up onto here because when life gets busy, it is so easy to have so many excuses as to why I don't have time and why I'm not in the right energy and blah, blah, blah, blah. So I am sitting here right now with you guys to promise that I am showing the fuck up. And I want you to as well. I think that when we're going through uncomfortable situations in life, all our ego wants to do is just curl up in a ball and hide and run away from our commitments, from our dreams, from our visions. And it takes that conscious effort to show up anyways. I already recorded an episode for the season with my friend Eric, and he will be next week's episode. Eric John Campbell, he's an incredible author and we had the most amazing conversation the other night and I cannot wait to share it you guys but that was a reminder of like in the moment I felt like so detached from this podcast it's been so many weeks since I've come on here to talk with you guys that it felt like I was just really resistant, like I was feeling really creatively blocked, I felt like I wasn't really sure, like the questions weren't really coming to me and like I just had wished that I pushed it for another date and obviously I was not gonna reschedule it but like my ego, like the small part of me was like, oh well why don't you just reschedule and I was like no bitch, there is no rescheduling here and so after so much procrastination of just like this heaviness and this weight of wishing that I was feeling better and more inspired, I finally just got my ass up and went to my office. I lit my candles, I lit my sage, I lit my bhajana, I put some beautiful meditative music in the background, I laid my yoga mat out, I breathed so deeply, I stretched, I sat there connected with mama universe, with myself, with my intuition, with my spaciousness and... I created the space for the creativity to pour through. This is something that I have taught so much throughout the earlier years of my podcast episode that I really want to nail in now in this new season of all of our lives, which is... creativity and inspiration comes when we give space for it to come. When we are so stuck on everything that we haven't done, everything that we have to do, everything that we are not, everything that we've done wrong. When we're stuck in that tornado of negative thought patterns, it is so heavy and it weighs us down and it just lets us stuck in our head going a million miles a minute, just going round and round and like a hamster wheel with nothing to show for. And I think a big lesson that I've learned is that the one way to get out of your anxious thought patterns is to take action Take the fucking action to pull yourself out of it And even if you're not feeling inspired even if you're not feeling connected even if you're not feeling like you want to do it If you have commitment for the creations that you want to bring out to the world You have to sit down and create the space for it and so for me that meant like I said going to my room creating a meditative space creating that Environment and that commitment of okay. I am coming in here to create I have to allow something to pour through me and just so you know I happen to just pour through me like crazy like I went from being so creatively stuck and so anxious about this conversation feeling like I wasn't gonna show up to it properly like I wasn't gonna be giving my all didn't want to let down my guest to feeling tapped in tuned in turned on and just so alive and creatively sparked for this conversation I literally my pen could not stop writing down on my piece of paper with all the questions I had to ask all the ideas that I wanted to talk about and it ended up not, I felt like I didn't even have enough time to put it all out on the paper before our call and that was such an example of... What can come through when you make a commitment to show up for yourself? You know? And that conversation ended up being literally one of my favorite conversations. Like it was so incredible. We talked for like an hour before the podcast even started. Had like, I don't even, I haven't even seen how long it is, but I think close to an hour, if not even a little bit more of the podcast conversation and another 30 minutes afterwards because there was just so much pouring through and so much to connect with. like, it also reminds me just how much I appreciate having the other energy to bounce off of. and why I'm so excited to start really like scheduling a lot more guests on the show this year just because there's something so just juicy and magical about having lit up conversation with another person but same thing when it comes to this podcast like it's been so long where every day that I knew I wanted to do it there was always an excuse why not to like that's the reality is that when there's things that we want to create in this world there will always be a thousand and one reasons not to and there might be actually very valid reasons you might not have the time you might not have that much energy. You might not have that much experience. You know, there are so many fucking reasons why your ego and the small part of you is going to try to convince you why you shouldn't be doing this thing. And unfortunately, some of them are actually pretty good, good reasons. And you have every reason to listen to them. But if you want to create something special in this world, something magical in this world, you have to show up anyways, and you have to make this space. You have to make this time. How much, how many hours do we spend a week on our phones? I mean, how many hours do we doing things that like are just numbing us that do not add value to our lives that are not growing us not making us better people that quite actually like Suck us of our life force energy that maybe feel good in the moment, but long-term drain us and make us feel like shit and so If we say we don't have time, really look at that. Like what does that actually mean? Do you not have time? Do you actually not have time or are you convincing yourself that you're just not inspired and you don't feel like it in the moment? Because that has happened to me so often. I mean, I have raging raging ADHD that I'm learning how to manage and handle, which it's its own journey on itself. But I think that for me, I'm such a big ideas person. Like I have so much within me that's just bursting at the seams to come out and that will oftentimes lead to overwhelm and that will oftentimes lead to just burnout and breakdowns and feeling frozen where I have so much I want to do but rather than doing any of it I decide to just be on my phone or just watch something on TV which is all great things it's not that you shouldn't allow yourself to do any of that but is it coming from a place of avoidance is it coming from a place of numbingness because you just want to look at the creations that you're here to create or look at the things that with or need to be healed within you that are blocked you from creating. Is it this fear of what could happen if you do create it? it this fear of failing? Is it a fear of being unworthy or of not living up to your potential? I know for me, I think that like the biggest things that lead to such anxiety are just this feeling of like, yeah, not living up to the potential of what I am here to create and what I'm capable of creating and spinning my wheels on never ending starting and stopping of projects. And that's kind of what I'm navigating right now where it's like me restructuring and re-navigating what I want. meadow to be, I'm having to take some deep hard looks at myself and ask like am I just running away from this because I'm getting scared and I want to just start fresh because it feels safer or And I actually following my intuition on this and I genuinely deeply know deeply that it is me following my intuition because I can see the path forward on what I was trying to build and am still building and know that I still have the power to readjust it and repivot to continuously just fine tune and tweak it into what I'm here to create and what I'm here to do. And I think that I The biggest lesson is that I cannot allow these physical products to drain me of all of my life force energy so that I don't have anything left to show up on here and to show up on my platforms to teach and to inspire and to help. As we all go down this path together, whether you're into entrepreneurship or music or creativity or whatever it is, we all have so much to teach each other. We have so much to create and to do. the most important thing is that you have to show up for yourself. show up for myself and you have to show up for yourself. We all have to show up for ourselves in whatever way that means. Some days are going to look so different than others. Some days are going to be on fire. Some days are going to feel depressed. But every day there's a choice on how you want to navigate your emotions and how you want to navigate your feelings. I think that positivity and having a bright look at life and the world and the situation that you're in is a choice that's easier for some, harder for others. you But at the end of the day, is a conscious choice and I gotta say, it actually takes work. It doesn't always come easy to feel positive and to feel inspired and to believe in yourself. Most often than not, it's not gonna feel easy. More often than not, our minds and our brains, our egos are addicted to cortisol and we are addicted to these negative feeling emotions. There's a literal chemical in our body of cortisol that our bodies are addicted to and so even though we consciously wanna be happy-go-lucky positive, into these negative thought cycles and these negative patterns, they become so addictive that we can't get out of them unless we consciously choose something different. Remember the feedback loop of life that I love to talk about, which is your thoughts and your feelings and your actions are constantly in this bilateral feedback loop that are affecting each other. And so for me, when I was going through that like vicious little thought cycle of not feeling inspired and then feeling guilty for it and wanting to numb myself by scrolling on my phone when I had a podcast interview coming up, I chose to the action to grab my laptop, make myself a tea, pull myself to my office, put my phone away in my drawer, and... Show the fuck up with my journal and my pen and my music and all my little rituals my tools that can help me tap in But that was a choice by of getting up. It wasn't a choice of just like snapping my fingers and feeling better it was a choice of Standing up and moving environments and sitting down somewhere to commit I think that for me like I think a huge thing in my life right now is getting off my damn phone Genuinely, seriously like it has become too much and I am so ready to just let it down, focus on creation, over consumption, and really clock myself because it's like I run a business, I have a brand, I can't just disappear off social media altogether but I need to create healthier systems and healthier... relationships to these tools that I actually can grow from them versus having them consume me. But at end of the day, I guess what I'm trying to say is that we have so much more power in this than we think. No matter what you're going through, I have been going through so much in the last few weeks, the last couple of months to be completely honest. And it's so easy to just use that as a, well, I guess I'll just curl up and just wither away. Because it feels good. It feels safe. It feels cozy. feels like the right to do for me and my mental health, feels like self care, fuck that. Staying small will never actually truly be self care. Taking space and time for yourself, of course, yes, but if you're completely negating the promises that you've made to yourself and the creations that you want to build and bring into this world, that's not self care, that is self sabotage. Self care is being able to be patient with yourself and slow with yourself and give yourself rest and baths and slow times to reconnect and to reground and to push yourself into what you want to do and what you want to create in this world and to hear those thoughts, hear the negative thought cycles, hear the insecure thought cycles, hear the fear, scared, emotional and just frightened energy and frightened thoughts that always will come to us and be like, hey, I hear you, I see you, I know you're just trying to protect me, but I'm good. I'm gonna keep going. I'm gonna keep doing this thing. I learned recently that so often also it's this mind, this body to mind connection. We think that it's always like a mind-body connection, but actually a lot of research has shown that these things kind of happen in the body first. You know, we have this memory of fear or anxiety or tension from these patterns in these subconscious programs that have been running our whole lives that we will feel something in our body. We'll get triggered. something will happen, we'll feel it in our body first, like that gut drop or that feeling of anxiety in your chest, wherever you feel it, you know, be more aware of where you start feeling these emotions in your body and then they travel up to our brain into a negative thought, like an anxious thought or a scared thought and the funny part is that rather than always trying to control our thoughts, which you know are a part of it, don't get me wrong. Moving our body or somatically trying to move our energy through us is so fucking powerful. By going on a walk, by dancing, by moving your body in every way, just jumping, shaking, putting music in your ears. And I'm telling you this because it's some of the hardest things to remember when you are going through it. Like, trust me, like, when I'm really going through it, it takes so much of me to be able to pull myself out in that way. Because when you're feeling depressed, you don't want to put happy music in your ears. You don't want to dance. You don't want to go on a run or a walk. You want to just lay in bed. But I think that it's that muscle of hearing this and hearing that wisdom and then embodying it day by day, moment by moment and proving to yourself how it works. And I think that the more you do it, the easier it gets and we go in cycles, right? Like there'll be cycles where I'm doing incredible, where months at a time I'm just so locked in with my rituals and my movement and my exercise. and my somatic motion work and all that jazz. And then there's some months that I'm not. And I think that a huge part of this all is to just forgive yourself for whenever you don't show up the way that you want to. Forgive yourself and love yourself no matter what. Forgive yourself if you made a mistake or if you've made many mistakes. Forgive yourself. If you didn't show up the way you wanted to, forgive yourself. If you didn't create the things that you've wanted to create, forgive yourself and love yourself and know that every single fucking day is a new day and you get to start again and again and again and again and again, no matter what. I think that the heaviest part of this chapter of my life has been holding on to this weight of past mistakes or past decisions that maybe I wish I had done differently and feeling that like it's my job to wallow in it as punishment. or I don't know what it is like I don't know why we why we wallow but like somehow our brain thinks that like the more we wallow and the more we sit in the shame in the in the sadness and the guilt for past versions of ourselves somehow it's gonna like make us more worthy or it's somehow gonna just help the problem at hand but nothing could be farther from the truth that's bullshit like that's not how it works when we sit in the guilt and when we sit in the shame and wallow in self-pity and self-sadness and all of that, all that does is just weigh us down and keep us from being able to bounce back and move forward, learning from our mistakes, learning from these lessons, and deciding to show up differently in this new chapter of our lives. And this new chapter of our lives can mean every new day. And so I definitely think that that is like one of the biggest themes that has been heavy on my heart as of late. yeah, just remembering that you always got you. Sometimes our minds can be so vicious and it feels like such an unsafe place to be sometimes. And the worst part is that like, our negative thoughts feel so much more believable than our positive thoughts. As I've said so often, there's never enough times I can remind all of us that our brains are wired for negative biases. So it's like... It is so much easier for our program to run on negativity because it feels so much safer. It genuinely feels so much safer because feeling confident and loving yourself and trusting yourself is a really vulnerable place to be in. Whereas when you're in this fight or flight, fear or energy, you have your walls up, you have your defenses up, like you're ready to fight. And so although it feels so horrible, it feels safe. And I'll say it again and again and again. Our subconscious mind will choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven every single fucking time. Remember that. And don't let that like feel daunting. I think that a lot of the times like when you get this advice of subconscious reprogramming, it can feel so daunting because it's like, well, fuck, like what am I supposed to do about that? Like if my subconscious mind loves it there so much, why is it going to change? Well, it's going to change because you're going to choose to change it. And every single day we have one day. That's all life, right? All of life is this one day and then tomorrow is gonna be that one day. It's only this one day that we have. The future doesn't exist. The past is over. All we have is right now and how we're gonna decide that we want to show up right now. It doesn't matter how you showed up yesterday. It doesn't matter if you made mistakes yesterday, that you have to deal with the consequences of from today. That doesn't matter. You still get to choose how you are going to move through that energy today. And so... I'm gonna be your best friend rooting for you, cheering you on every damn day. Well, I never know if you're on Instagram, but every week I'm gonna be here rooting you on and I wanna be here for you like. Reach out to me, genuinely send me a voice note on Instagram, like I cannot say enough how often it makes my heart burst when I get messages from you guys wanting to talk. Like this is why I do this shit, it's to connect with my community and my world and my people and for all of us to have each other's backs because none of us are perfect, we're all doing this life thing for the first time and we're doing our fucking best even when your best doesn't feel like enough. It was your best in that moment and now you know better and you can move forward. And so, yeah. I don't know if this is something that you guys needed to hear today. It's definitely something that I needed to hear. And I've learned that if it's something that I needed to hear, then I know many other people will also need to hear this as well. And that you're not alone. You're not alone. We only see the highlight reel on social media. I mean, look at my social media. It's like all you're seeing on there is just the highlights of the wins of my brand launch and the wins of everything that's going on in my life that's going really good. But behind the scenes, like there's a lot of fear. There's a lot of... dark nights of the souls and rebirths and a lot of rethinking everything in my life and my identity and my purpose here in the world and it's just what it is. We're all gonna go through seasons of just clarity and alignment and just forward momentum that feels on fire and then there's gonna be seasons of life of more rebirth and more confusion and more slowness and it's perfect. It is all perfect. I'm gonna leave you on just the idea of Ram Dass that he always talked about which is, yeah, this is perfect and this is perfect and this is perfect. No matter how difficult it feels in the time, in the moment, no matter how difficult it feels at any moment, no matter how hard it feels to imagine the way forward or what the future is gonna look like, this is all happening for you and you get to choose. to step into that reality and know that even if there's a time in your life that doesn't feel perfect, it is perfect because it is getting to you to where you want to be. Life can never be 100 % like sunshine and rainbows, but you can find the sunshine and rainbows at any moment if you choose to look for them. Well, I love you guys so much. Thank you for listening to this episode. I am just so grateful to have this space in this community and thank you guys for your patience on my time away. Yeah, I love you guys! always, if you enjoyed this episode, can hit a follow on whatever platform you're listening on, you can say to a friend who you think might resonate with it as well. If you want any resources to help you along your journey, you can download any of my resources that I have linked below, like my Path to Purpose workbook and my Magnetic Morning Ritual, which is something I use every day to this day to really tune myself into the energy of abundance and receiving and alignment and please, please feel free to reach out to me, send me a message, let me know what want to hear on the show, what guests you'd like to have on. Yeah, I love you guys. And don't forget to show the fuck up for yourself this week, okay? In every way, show up to the creations that you have in your life, show up to your health, for your wellness, your vitality, for your self-love practices, make yourself a bath with essential oils, do something for yourself to take care of yourself. I love you. I love you. love you. I love you. Thank you guys for listening and I'll see you next week. Bye!