A Jewish Nazi Looking for Love

Sam only gets to tell like half of the story from when he was accused of being a Nazi in college and Zach confesses his deep dark tea addiction.  

We also give you the realness in our deep search for love in this crazy world.  

Transcript

 In three, two, one. And we're back. This is Hashem's Hot Tub. In case you forgot the name. 

[00:19:48] Sam: Oh yeah, this is Hashem's hot tub. We're 

[00:19:50] Zach: back, baby. Where? Where everything is groovy. Where everything is. Like the world isn't. When the world, the world around you, when your world feels like a tumultuous, chaotic mess.

A noisy old, uh, 1983 Buick Al. And it's like filled with old McDonald's and milk cartons, and it's like papers from work and, and stains on the seats, and, and they're blasting loud, and it's, the car can only blast really loud, angry metal music from New Jersey. Hashem's hot tub is, is the reminder that you can just get out of that car, pull over to the side of the road, close the door, and listen to the nice, relaxing sounds of nature.

Ah, take a breath. It's all good. You're safe. You're secure. Hashem's got your back. Get in the hot tub. 

[00:20:53] Sam: Let me ask you something. Do you think that Hashem's hot tub is all about that feeling of being held and relaxation? Or is the dirty, hot, loud Buick also part of the tub?

[00:21:24] Zach: My initial impulsive thought tells me that it's about the relaxation more than the loud. Cause I, uh, yeah, and I'll tell you why if you want to hear why. 

[00:21:38] Sam: I do want to hear why. And here's what I'm going to say first. This is the Shim's Hot Tub. I'm Sam Kaminer.

Did it broke. 

[00:21:50] Zach: Shit. I'm Zack Sanders. Ah, now he's back. I'm back. Ah ha ha. You know, I was like doubting myself. That's why I was like, should I say my name with gusto? I met this, I met this Native American man, a real Native American man. Yeah. And he was like, and I screamed my name into the wind, I am, and I don't know his name, you know?

I don't want to make up a name, but it was like Samuel Lightfoot. He screamed, you know, it's like he, there's a spirit in his body that he was like, that he was riding, you know, there was like this energy in his, I saw his crazy horse spirit, it's amazing. It's an intensity to him. Native Americans are, I mean, like, are so cool.

When I was a little kid, when I was in like pre kindergarten, they asked us, hey, maybe I said this already, I'm not sure, did I say this? They asked us like, What do you want to be when you get older? All the kids. Everyone wrote, like, Mommy, Daddy, Policeman, Fireman. You know what I'm saying? And I was the only kid who wrote an Indian.

You wrote an Indian? Yeah, when I get older, I want to be an Indian. That's awesome, dude! Wow. And just for the listeners, an Indian isn't like the 7 Eleven guy. Is that racist? But it's really it's a Native American guy, you know, like like like yeah 

[00:23:15] Sam: You want to be like running through the plains of Missouri like hunting buffaloes.

Yeah All right back to my question about the Buick and Hashem's hot tub. Yeah, what's what and where? 

[00:23:28] Zach: Yeah Okay, so my initial reaction thought is that Hashem's hot tub is beyond the place of chaos Yeah. It's the primordial

sanctuary of being held.

It's the place where the ego melts away. And you experience yourself, not as yourself, but as part of the whole.

But also, you're right. Like everything, I mean, okay, so if you want to get more technical, everything's God, so then everything is, everything is, you know, like, we're in God right now, so. Yeah. I mean, well, I think, but I don't think so. I don't think it's, I think it's the, what I said. I mean, cer 

[00:24:38] Sam: certainly, Hmm.

Certainly the, the imagery of a hot tub has that connotation, right? Like, yeah. It's, it's warm, it's safe, it's, it's quietly flowing. It's, it's got a trickle of the motor and the whatever. I, I think that it's, I, I think though that the, the key. The key to success in these realms, the key to like living a life that feels full and feels, um, feels engaged with God is in part to

be able to sink into that hot tub even when you're in the Buick. Because, like, the primordial chaos that you described, or you said it was beyond the primordial chaos. But it also is the primordial, I mean, okay, so that's interesting, so that's kind of what we were talking about on the roof earlier, when we meditated together, was meditation being like a reset, from thoughts and from ego, and being able to like, walk away from all of that for a short period of time, so that you can remember, okay.

Cool. This was my day, this was my life, this is how I've been living, and also, there's more to the story. Like, there's more behind the curtain, and I'm gonna remember that, and I'm gonna go on with my day. I mean, that's, this is why I meditate twice a day. That's why I've been doing it for five years. 

[00:26:25] Zach: I personally am so addicted to my, to my, my day to day life.

Yeah. That, that, when I meditate, I realize how sick I am. Hmm. So today, on the roof, when I meditated, My brain was going a million miles an hour. Yeah. It was not rest, resting, rested. It was not at a rest. It was at, it was at this crazy train going a million miles an hour. Mm hmm. Thinking, you know, you know, thinking, just experiencing a lot of crazy thoughts, feelings, whatever, emotions.

But the more I just let go, let go, let go, let go. It's like a trust. You gotta just trust. 

[00:27:05] Sam: It's 100 percent a trust. And then I started 

[00:27:08] Zach: to realize, not realizing, experiencing calm, clarity, less confusion, more centeredness. And I know it's a practice. It's a practice that if I want to train myself, I have to, it's a training practice.

You know, back in the day, I don't remember where I heard this, but I remember like, you know, according to Jewish lore, there used to be a lot of, like, many prophets. Like, they're the famous prophets in the world? Yeah. Like, Isaiah? But prophecy was pretty wild, widely, uh, popular, like popular back in the day.

There was a, there was like a prophet in every street corner, you know. But these ones, these were the prophets that were the most notable. But there was, but prophecy was a lot more 

[00:28:02] Sam: open. There were a lot of prophets coming around with the same prophecies. 

[00:28:04] Zach: Well, I think that today there probably still is also.

But back in the day they had various schools to hone your prophetic skills. So I think it's just skills. You know, it's like you play basketball. You want to like, you know, you want to, uh, practice your, your, your free throws. Yeah. Right. You become a swish master because you're just practicing. How do you get to Carnegie hall?

You got to practice. Right. So I think like 

[00:28:34] Sam: that, I mean, that's, that's why they call meditation a practice, right? Yeah. Because you requires 

[00:28:40] Zach: that consistency. Look, we got a monkey mind. I got a monkey mind and my monkey mind does not want to chill. My monkey mind wants to be stimulated upon stimulation upon stimulation.

And you know what? It's, it's jacking up my nervous system. It's giving me anxiety. It's pulling me out of my center. It's making me feel paranoid. It's not, I'm sick. I'm a sick person. I'm a sick person. And when I meditated today on the roof, I realized that. I was like, shit, well, I got a choice in front of me.

I can either deny the truth and just continue living. Like a wild monkey and just, you know, well, it's not my fault. It's my work's fault It's this fault, you know, or that and like just it's an addiction or I could take responsibility And ownership and own it and go through a little bit of pain, which is like fuck I gotta meditate now and then change transform that fuck.

I gotta meditate now to thank God I get to meditate, you know Totally. Yeah, I think mindset is a big thing huge thing. So I think I think that the world is a mirror of the mind. And I think, you know, that New York City isn't a bad place. But if you look at it from a macro perspective, it seems pretty crazy.

And there are pockets of beauty in the city, right? And there are beautiful people in the city.

I personally would prefer to live in the country, you know, where I can think clearly and there's fresher air. But just more importantly, I think just thinking clearer. Being one with like being being connected to the natural world versus being connected to the mirror of everyone else's psyche which amalgamates into a chaotic soup and can be very Destabilizing.

[00:30:38] Sam: It's really interesting because I feel I get that from

a lot of people lately I think that a lot of people are A lot of people that I know are questioning their relationship to New York in particular. Um, which I think is like a healthy thing to do. Cause I think, I do think that New York has this, has this, has this kind of energy to it where when you're here and, and living here, you, you kind of become convinced that it's the only place that exists.

Yes. And you, you can't really imagine a life outside of New York City. No, exactly. 

[00:31:22] Zach: That's the sickness. It's the sickness. Like, me at work, that's exactly what I experience at work. I cannot imagine myself doing anything. It's like when we were kids. We would, we would use our imagination. The power of imagination was so strong and so natural within us.

Safety. That you could really... You could, uh, for those listening, Zach, I'm just... Anyways, um, I farted, okay? That's it. I passed me gas. It was expelled. You are expelled! I got expelled many times from school, from yeshiva. Really? Yeah. I got expelled from college once. Wow, that's pretty badass, dude. Yeah. College?

Where'd you get expelled from college? Oh 

[00:32:05] Sam: my god, did I tell you this story? Yeah, dude! I've never told you this story! Oh 

[00:32:09] Zach: my god, dude, can I say something, Sam, before you tell me this story? You're so full of surprises, man. Ahaha! When I see you, I see you as this docile creature. I see you more of like a sloth.

You're not like a stupid, lazy sloth. But like, you're kind of like a chilled out, like, I can see, we're sloths, right? Yeah. Like Central America, you're wearing, like, shorts and like a, you know, like a Hawaiian t shirt. You're sitting by the pool, you're drinking some, like, delicious coconut, fresh coconut juice.

You're just like, hey, what up, man? Hey, everything's good. And then you tell me these crazy fucking stories, and it's like, wow, there's another side of the sand that I never 

[00:32:46] Sam: knew about. Wow, you're gonna love this story, bro. Wild sloth. You're gonna love this story. Alright, well, I'm waiting. Fuck, okay, wow. I'm putting 

[00:32:53] Zach: my microphone down.

Okay, 

[00:32:58] Sam: so.

Sophomore year of college. 

[00:33:04] Zach: What sophomore? Remind me, sophomore, is that like second year? Second year... 

[00:33:08] Sam: Okay, got it. Keep the microphone in your hand. Second year of college, um, Okay, I'm, I'm, I'm, what am I? I just turned 20. Um, and so, a little bit of context. I come to college, um, I immediately join a Jewish fraternity.

[00:33:26] Zach: A. E. Pi? Z. B. T. Okay, my bad. 

[00:33:29] Sam: Um, and, and I'm having a great time. Did you get hazed? I did not really get hazed. Jews don't haze Jews, no? No, ZBT had a very strict no hazing policy, and and it was kind of this interesting thing, because there was a lot of internal politics within the fraternity, um, partially because we were, uh, a bunch of Jews at GW in D.

C., like one of the most political schools ever, um, so everyone kind of wanted to be a politician, which led to a lot of internal Fraternity politics. I like that. Um, and when I joined the fraternity We were like, you know, it was it was a it was a very nerdy Jewish fraternity there were kind of like two like like subsets to to the frat like two kind of camps within it one was like like very kind of like like Like, uh, academic, like, they bragged about having the highest GPA of any fraternity on campus.

Like, like a very kind of like, nerdy in that way. Goody two shoes. Goody two shoes was the energy. Um, and then the other side of the fraternity was like, very much like, you know, kind of like stoners, go to Phish concerts. That's where I would have been. Yeah, I mean that was totally my, that was my like, in road to it.

But then my, uh, like class that came in as freshman. We were, we were the first class that brought this new energy to, to the fraternity that said like we want to throw parties and like have sex and like be like a real kind of like fratty frat. What, what, what? And that was like, nobody saw that coming from the older kids and they were not happy.

Dude, 

[00:35:11] Zach: I picture these older kids wearing like sweaters. You know, like, and like collars out of their sweaters, like, you know, uh, It was that kind of energy. Going to bed 

[00:35:19] Sam: really early. It was that kind of energy, 

[00:35:21] Zach: for sure. Oh my god, like, uncle. Um, yeah. It's like, it's like my uncle. So this is like, bland, like, I like vanilla.

Okay, bland, oh, forget it, you get it. Yeah, so, so 

[00:35:31] Sam: I kind of, so that was kind of the energy coming into it, and, and I kind of found myself, and kind of projected myself as, Can I say 

[00:35:38] Zach: one thing? Yeah. You know that guy on YouTube that reviews food, he wears a suit? Yes. 

[00:35:44] Sam: Yes. Yes. Okay. He would have been in ZBT.

Yeah. He would have been, he would have been a senior when I was coming in. Right. He's 

[00:35:51] Zach: just like, you 

[00:35:51] Sam: know, yes, yes. 100%. Okay. So, so, and so, so I kind of found myself and projected myself as one of the leaders of this faction of fraternity that wanted to party hard. Um, and so I, I, at, at this time, uh, had just recently become the social chair of the fraternity.

I'm like doing a bunch of networking, getting set up with sororities to do, you know, mixers and all this stuff. I wonder 

[00:36:16] Zach: why you're so good with women. Um. You have practice. I 

[00:36:20] Sam: have a lot of practice in that regard. 

[00:36:23] Zach: Teach me your ways, master. 

[00:36:25] Sam: So, so anyway, uh, but this is all kind of besides one, but it kind of leads into this stuff.

So we're in a Jewish frat and this is kind of the energy coming in. Um, I'm living. In a, in a building that's all fraternities and sororities. So every floor of the building is like, one fraternity, just these kids, the next one's a sorority, the next one's a fraternity. It's like, it's like a, kind of going up, uh, this building, it's like every floor belongs to a different Greek organization.

Um, it was pretty cool. And, uh, Are you 

[00:36:57] Zach: like slinging bitches every night? Uh, not 

[00:36:59] Sam: every night. Almost every night? We were having a really good time. Were you romping around? That's a whole other story we can get into. Alright, okay, continue. So, so, so, and that's where we're at. And, and, uh, so we're living, we're living in this dorm and, you know, there's, there's these two isolated incidents that are kind of weird, where somebody, and we don't know who, um, like vandalizes this building with fraternities and sororities with swastikas.

Like, like, like someone like, like, like kind of like carves a swastika into like a bulletin board with a key. 

[00:37:36] Zach: Was it like a small little swastika? Oh god, okay. Jews fucking go crazy over swastikas. 

[00:37:42] Sam: Get ready. Oh god. Um, so, so, okay, so, so then flash forward and now it's, now it's the springtime and it's spring break is happening.

I am very fortunate to be invited with, uh, my best friend. To this, this trip that's being organized by another very good friend of ours, um, with a bunch of seniors at the time, so older kids. Um, all going to India. Um, so, it's like, it's like, 8 or 9 of us. Swastika capital of the world. So, it's 8 or 9 of us and we all go to India.

[00:38:18] Zach: Picture you guys going crazy and like, like, shooting up Indians, be like, WHAT THE SWASTIKA?? Nonono, 

[00:38:24] Sam: nonono, Nonono... So, so, so this is the thing, right? So, so we've got India, and, and, and... We're shooting up them. And Zak, and Zak you're totally correct... India is the Swastika capital of the world. Yeah. There are swastikas everywhere!

Everywhere every every taxi is painted with a giant swastika. There's swastikas in the windows of shops Yeah, and and it's it's fucking everywhere and I'm shocked But also I and at this point studying religion to a very large degree and so I understand the context here Right. I like totally get that the swastika has many many very deep and very holy meanings Beyond the co opting of the Nazis to turn it into a symbol of hatred and murder Um, It's 

[00:39:02] Zach: so weird.

Who, which Nazi figured that out to use that symbol? I don't know. We'll get into that in another 

[00:39:06] Sam: episode. That's interesting. Yeah, that's, that's a very interesting question. Um, so, so I, so I I kind of like the SS 

[00:39:12] Zach: symbols. Yeah, 

[00:39:13] Sam: so, so I, so I understand all of this and so I'm, I'm more interested than anything in the fact that there's swastikas everywhere.

And I'm also, you know, coming at it with this context of having 

[00:39:23] Zach: these Some of them have Hitler mustaches too. 

[00:39:26] Sam: I didn't notice any Hitler mustaches. Um, but so, so I'm coming at it with, with this context of, of sort of knowing the, knowing the reality and also, and also knowing that, you know, I, somebody had, you know, vandalized the swastika in my dorm recently and, and that, that like was not a holy swastika, that was, that was a Nazi swastika for sure.

Um, so it's like, it's like, wow, I'm like dealing with this grappling, this dual meaning. Oh my gosh, like, what is this scope? So interesting. Um, duality. Is this duality? And it's really interesting to me. Um, and then, so like, so, on one of our last days in India, we, um, were at this market, we're buying a bunch of souvenirs and whatever to bring home, little statues, little this, little that.

And I'm at this one, uh, stall, buying like a Buddha statue, and like, you know, whatever, little tchotchkes somebody gets in India. Um, and among the things that are at the stall is like this kind of ornamental looking swastika. And I ask the guy how much it is, and he tells me it's the equivalent of like 10 cents.

Like a dime or a nickel and I was like, fuck it, put it in the back, let's get it. Ha ha, I love that! And all of my friends were like, Sam, this is a bad idea. Do not get this 

[00:40:41] Zach: swastika. I can picture the outcome of the 

[00:40:43] Sam: story. And I said to them, um, fuck that, I'm gonna get it. Yeah, dude, 

[00:40:48] Zach: I would have gotten the 

[00:40:49] Sam: swastika too.

So I buy the swastika. Um, and then, you know, fast forward a little bit, uh, for a little bit of context, I get very sick on my last day in India. Like, like, they call it deli belly for a reason. Uh, I got, I got, I drank the wrong drink and it had the tap water in it and I got super sick. Um, and so the entire flight back from India to the U.

S., I don't remember at all. I was like literally passed out in the back of an airplane, like. I was like totally not in reality. I feel like 

[00:41:22] Zach: you got cursed for taking the swastika. 

[00:41:25] Sam: Um, maybe. Cause then I come back to the U. S. And, um, I, and, and, I'm with my, my roommate. My roommate had, was also in India with me.

And, uh, had gotten back a day earlier than I did. And so, I, I kinda, I get home, I'm with my roommate, I'm unpacking all my stuff, and, and I have my bag of souvenirs. And... And, you know, we're, we're on this floor with all of our friends living in every, every room has a friend behind the door. So we're like, okay, let's go find our friends and see what's up.

Um, so, walk around, we're knocking on doors, nobody's home. Um, and I have my bag of souvenirs with me in my hand. And, and we have this bulletin board, like this cork board, um, right next to the elevator on, on this floor. And the, and the cork board had this nail that protruded from the top of it. Which is like, not fully hammered in.

And, my swastika, which was in the bag at the time, had this little hanging knob, like, kind of built into it. And I swear, and, and, and, this is, this is the part that like, people never believed, which is, which is like, like, of all, I've told this story a thousand times to a thousand people, and then the part that like, nobody seems to really understand, was the thing that went through my head in this moment, 100 percent without a doubt, was I thought, I wonder if this hang knob fits that nail.

And I put the swastika on the board. And it fit perfectly. Oh my god, it was like the key in the hole. It was like the key in the hole. And I look at 

[00:43:08] Zach: it and I go, Was there like a little shining of light? It was like, 

[00:43:12] Sam: ahhh. I at it, it felt right. It was beautiful. And I was like, yeah. 

[00:43:17] Zach: Yeah. It belongs there. And 

[00:43:19] Sam: then I love it.

And then my roommate and I, we go, we, we smoke. We're smoking pot in our bathroom as we were want to do at that time. Yeah, dude. And, um, 

[00:43:28] Zach: I smoke so much pot, also 20. 

[00:43:30] Sam: And our, and our friend, uh, who was also in India with us, um, Michael, he texts us and he's like, he's like, Hey, do you guys wanna meet for breakfast?

And I do a like, decompression, like breakfast, talk about the trip, like, have a good time. And we're like, yeah, of course. Let's go get breakfast. Um, And, cool, and we make plans to get breakfast at the restaurant that we like. And, he goes, he goes, yeah, but you guys gotta hurry. At this point it's like maybe 11.

05. And he's like, they stopped serving breakfast at 11. 30. We have to be there within the next 10 minutes, 15 minutes. So we're like, oh shit, we gotta run. So we sprint out of the house, go to breakfast. Forgetting that the swastika's on the board. So we have breakfast. Finished breakfast. Look at my phone.

Our group chat is blowing up. There's a swastika! 

[00:44:17] Zach: On the bulletin board! Jews love swastikas. It's a hate crime! Yeah, hate crime. This is, this is, well this is, 

[00:44:24] Sam: this is, This is a hate crime! Call, call, call the police! Oh my god. All this shit, whatever. So, so I, I see all this like maybe an hour later. And I, and, and I...

[00:44:36] Zach: This is so funny, Sam! This reminds me of like a Curb Your Enthusiasm 

[00:44:41] Sam: episode. Dude, it gets worse. It gets crazy. 

[00:44:43] Zach: This story gets crazy. I love it. I'm sorry that happened to you, but this is amazing. No, so, 

[00:44:47] Sam: so, um, so, yeah, so anyway, uh, so I text them. I text into this group chat. I'll never forget what I said because it might have been the stupidest thing that I could have said, but I said it.

I go... Cause they're talking about how the campus police are coming to deal with this. And I go, LOL, it's mine. It's my swastika. Don't let them 

[00:45:09] Zach: take it. By the way, if I was your friend back in the day, I would have gone with you into battle. 

[00:45:18] Sam: So, so thankfully some of my friends did, others didn't. Um, but that's, that's later on.

Um, so. So, uh, so anyway, I go Goddammit, 

[00:45:29] Zach: Sam, we're gonna get that swastika back through 

[00:45:31] Sam: hell or high water. So, yeah, so I, I, I sprint home, I go home, all of my friends are kind of like huddled together, like in somebody's room. And I come back and I'm like, oh my god, this is so fucked up, and, and, and they, they were all kind of like, Some people were pissed, some people were like, confused, most, mostly the tenor of it seemed to be like, At that time, like, oh yeah, this is some kind of stupid shit that Sam would do.

Like, no one was really surprised. I feel like you 

[00:46:03] Zach: and me are very similar, dude. 

[00:46:05] Sam: We are, that's why we're friends. Um, It's amazing. And so, and so, I remember that one of my friends at the time, um, He was like, he was very serious with me. And he was like, he was like, Do not tell anybody about this. Like, like, we will keep this secret.

Like, don't open this can of worms. Like, let's just. Not. 

[00:46:29] Zach: Okay, but you said on your group 

[00:46:31] Sam: text it's yours. I did say on the group text it's mine. And at the time, I was like, in my head I'm like, well, I'm Jewish. This was obvious. 

[00:46:40] Zach: Also, the fact that it's not a swastika what they think it is. a 

[00:46:45] Sam: swastika what you think it is.

I'm Jewish. I'm a Jewish kid in a Jewish fraternity. Yeah. Like, what's the worst that can happen, right? Also, it fit 

[00:46:53] Zach: perfectly on the nail. Yeah, so, 

[00:46:55] Sam: I have all these reasons to be like, no, like, fuck this. You're doing it wrong. And also, I have like, I have like a pride about me, and I don't like to lie. I'm a bad liar.

I'm a bad liar, too. And so, I'm like, I'm like, no, I'm just gonna step out in front of this, and like, it'll be fine. And so, I call the president of the fraternity, um, who was this guy? Was his name Mark? His name was Nick. 

[00:47:16] Zach: That's so weird, 

[00:47:17] Sam: dude. A Nicholas? He was not a Jew. A non Jewish president of the Jewish fraternity.

That makes no sense! It made no sense. By the way, this story 

[00:47:26] Zach: is getting better and better. This is definitely a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode. 

[00:47:28] Sam: So I call him up. I call him up, and I'm like, I'm like, hey, uh, this whole swastika thing, it was me. I explained the story. I'm like, I'm like, you know, I don't, I don't know who to talk to.

Like, put me in touch with like, whether it's the school or like the fraternity organization or whoever it is, like, get me on a phone with them. I will clear this up. Like, it's fine. I'm not going to like, you know, pretend like it wasn't me. I'm going to like, really like, you know, take, take responsibility.

Um, and so he goes, he goes, he's like, okay, like, let me see what's happening. And the next, the next thing I know, I, I don't remember how I got there, but I somehow end up in this, like. interrogation. God damn it. In this interrogation room with... What did Nick do? With the, with the University Police detective.

Oh God. The detective of George Washington University's Police Department. He's he looks like exactly what you imagine he looks like. 

[00:48:23] Zach: Yeah, I love that. Paul Blart. 

[00:48:25] Sam: And, and I tell him, and we're like, we're in this like room. I tell him the entire story as it happened. He doesn't believe me. He just, he just flat out like does not believe me.

Does he believe you're Jewish? He doesn't even know what he believes. He just, he thinks I'm like a terrorist or something. He has me, he has me write down, hand write, the, the story, my, my story, twice. 

[00:48:51] Zach: Oh, to, to cross check it? To cross check it. That is nuts. It was nuts. 

[00:48:56] Sam: Oh God. So, so, uh, so, and I'm, I'm sitting there like, what the fuck is happening?

Like, I've, I've told you what's happening, like, uh, Uh, do I need to like show you my, my, you know, circumcised penis? Like, what is this? You're probably mixed up. 

[00:49:11] Zach: Um. I don't think you have to get to this spot. Yeah, so I Show me your penis. 

[00:49:16] Sam: So anyway, so I leave this guy's, this guy's office, like, just like in a state of confusion.

And, and then I get hit up by this woman who I've never met. This woman A journalist? No, she's She's the head of Greek life at GW. Greek life? Uh, fraternities and sororities are called Greek organizations. Oh, got it. Greek life. So she's like, she's like the bureaucratic head of the, of the Greek society of GW.

What was her name? Sandy? I don't remember her name. Okay, go on. She's a blond chick. Um, and she, she, she messages me somehow. And she's like, hey, can we meet on this park bench at the, at, in, in the university square? And I'm like, okay. So we go out and I meet her on this bench. And, and she kind of, she gives me this like, very kind of coy conversation, but she basically tells me in like, vague terms, that like, she has the inside track on what's happening, like within the school's bureaucracy, and that I should be prepared, because bad things are about to happen.

[00:50:16] Zach: Oh my god, dude. 

[00:50:17] Sam: And, I don't know You scared? I don't know what this means, but I'm like, okay. But why was she telling you that? I, I think that I think that she kind of knew that something was wrong with the whole situation. 

[00:50:32] Zach: Do you feel like people just love to stir up shit for the sake of just... Like, everything's bullshit.

Absolutely. Everything's bullshit. Everything. This guy came out and like, like, claimed that he blew Obama. Who gives a fuck? You know what I'm saying? Breaking news. Who gives a fuck? Who cares? Who cares? Like Ben Shapero

is like, Who gives a fuck dude. 

[00:51:03] Sam: I couldn't agree more it's, it's whatever. Um, so anyway. So, okay. So then, uh, later that night I get, I got a text from this Nick, the universe, the presence of the fraternity. And he's like, Hey can you meet me at the fraternity house at 

[00:51:20] Zach: 8pm? God, this is so annoying. See my defeatist brain, at this point, would be like, I'm leaving.

[00:51:26] Sam: Like, I don't wanna play this game. Dude, I've played this game for months. Oh 

[00:51:30] Zach: god, so you, whatever, I'm sorry. It 

[00:51:32] Sam: sucks. So, so then I go, I go to 

[00:51:35] Zach: the fucking house. Turns out you walk into the meeting in a nazi uniform. Ha ha ha ha, 

[00:51:39] Sam: I should've dude,

that would've

[00:51:48] Zach: I ask you questions. I start doing an accent. Yeah. Who has my swastika? Oh, that would have 

[00:51:55] Sam: been so much better than what actually happened.

Um, so, so yes, I go, I go to this, to this, the fraternity house. Um, and, okay, so have you, you've seen this, the movie Goodfellas? That's, that's, 

[00:52:12] Zach: that is one of my favorite movies. 

[00:52:14] Sam: Okay, great, so you know the scene. Cinema. 

[00:52:17] Zach: Cinema. 

[00:52:18] Sam: Yeah, it's your favorite 

[00:52:19] Zach: cinema 

[00:52:20] Sam: cinematic movie great So so then so you know, you know the scene where Joe Pesci's character thinks he's about to be Become a made man.

Yeah, he gets killed. And he walks into this room thinking it's gonna be a party. Yeah. And it's like an empty, disgusting place, and they shoot him in the back of the head. And he says, 

[00:52:37] Zach: oh no, and they pop him in the head. Yeah. So, so I What a scene. 

[00:52:41] Sam: So I walk into the fraternity house. Yeah. Feels like that.

You know you're getting fucked. I know I'm getting fu I wa I walk in, all the lights are off. Except for this one chandelier over the dining room table. Yeah, and Nick is 

[00:52:53] Zach: there? And Nick is there. That fucker's 

[00:52:55] Sam: safe. Nick Nick is there. That ain't Jewish. No, he's not Jewish. Nick Nick is there with two people, okay?

One is One is, uh, the, uh, the faculty advisor to fraternity. Who is is this guy named, uh, his rabbi, I think his name is Yoni. And he was the head of the Hillel. Um, and then the other person at the table was this guy who I never met, who was the alumni advisor, who was like 23 probably at the time, like had just graduated school, and was like serving as advisor to his fraternity from college.

And, and it's the three of them, and Nick is there, and Nick is head down, like, literally head looking at his feet. And does not look up, doesn't make eye contact with me, doesn't say a word this entire time. Total weak, pathetic moment. Yeah, pathetic. Um, and, and so I sit down, and I tell this story again for the 15th fucking time of this day.

India. Indian swastika. This is all the same day. So I tell this story again for the 15th time that fucking day. And, you know, the... Yeah, the, did 

[00:54:01] Zach: yoni give you a whole schmooze about like Jews in the Holocaust? Yeah. So, so, so it has nothing to do with juice. So, 

[00:54:06] Sam: so, so, yo, so Yoni gave me a bit of something. I don't remember, I don't remember exactly what Yoni said.

Um, see, our people suffer. He, yeah, he, he gave me, he gave me 

[00:54:12] Zach: that, or, or whatever he gave me. This is not, there's nothing to do with juice. 

[00:54:15] Sam: This is, and then, and then, and so then the, the other guy, the, the younger guy, I think his name was year old, was Zach. Zach, I think his name was Zach, disgraced. Our names.

He, he, he tells this story. He probably spells it with a K. He launches into this story about How. Grandfather? How, no, about how when he was in high school, he was on the track team and that, and that one of his, one of the older kids on the track team had forced him and his friend to get really drunk and then his friend drove home, got into a car accident, and died.

[00:54:52] Zach: What does that have to do with your 

[00:54:53] Sam: swastika? So I look at this guy. And I go, Did you just equate what I did to being responsible for somebody's death? Wait, he killed his friend? Whatever. I don't even know who, what He 

[00:55:08] Zach: got drunk and drove his friend home. No, 

[00:55:09] Sam: no. His friend I think was drunk. I don't know who drive.

Sorry. I who drove drunk. Sorry. Nevermind. But he told this story. He told this story about like, about like this, like bully who basically like forced him to drink Right. And then his friend died. Oh, so you're the bully. I think so. I, that was, that was what I took 

[00:55:21] Zach: out. You know, people take things person, they personalize things.

Exactly. So, so I, I look at 

[00:55:24] Sam: this guy and I go, did you just equate what I, what I did this Putting an Indian swastika on the bulletin board. Yeah. To being responsible for the, uh, death. The death of your friend. Yeah. And he goes, well, you know, it's just a story about how we don't understand the, the scope of the consequences of our actions.

Oh, God. And I look at him and I go, I'm just fucking sick of it at this point. Yeah. So I look at him and I'm like, are you kicking me out of the fraternity? Yeah. And they both go, it's the decision of the, of the organization that you are no longer a member of. Great. And I go, okay, see you later. And I stand up and I leave.

Amazing. And, and then I go. 

[00:56:05] Zach: And you join the Nazi party! Ha ha ha ha ha! 

[00:56:10] Sam: No, then I, then I, then I went to my... Is there a Nazi fraternity? No. Okay. Yes, there's all of them. Okay, that's 

[00:56:16] Zach: true. Dude, honestly, I did not miss out on college. Yeah, all, 

[00:56:20] Sam: all of them are Nazis. Sounds 

[00:56:21] Zach: horrible. I don't, by the way, I don't play by the rules.

[00:56:24] Sam: I never play by the rules. Even the Jewish fraternities are probably in some ways associated with 

[00:56:29] Zach: the Nazis. I'm telling you, man, I never ever played by the rules. And I don't think I would be able to be, I would never fit into a fraternity. It's fucking Unless it was Animal House. Terrible. You know. Um, 

[00:56:39] Sam: yeah, so, so Or Van Wilder.

So that, so that's when I went to my, uh, friend's house, and I cried. I fucking, I just let it out for an hour. I was crying. I was, and thank God for the people who were there who really helped space 

[00:56:57] Zach: for me. Did you get your swats to go back? No. Fuckers! Where's the Swastika now? I couldn't tell you. It's probably at Nick's house.

[00:57:06] Sam: It probably is. Yeah, it's like the centerpiece of his Nazi altar. 

[00:57:10] Zach: It's in his Nazi memorabilia. He doesn't even know it's India. It's a sacred Indian symbol. No, 

[00:57:14] Sam: he has it in his house, but he thinks it's a Nazi it's a 

[00:57:18] Zach: Nazi symbol. It's so crazy, man. Like it's a sacred, it's a sacred symbol. You know, when everyone was wearing the Trump hats and people were getting, were getting like triggered by them.

I was so tempted to buy a Trump hat, not, you know, and, and like, just not the actual Trump that said, like, Trump MAGA on it, but like, buy the actual red hat, and then just, like, stitchin in the same, like, font. This is a hat. That's it, you know? Yeah, and what would've happened? Just watch people flip shit. You know 

[00:57:43] Sam: what I'm saying?

They would've flipped the shit at that. Yeah. In like 2021, if you had worn that hat around. It just says, this is a hat. This is a hat. But it has the 

[00:57:51] Zach: same font. And 

[00:57:52] Sam: the red hat. Yeah. Bro, it's crazy. People would have totally flipped out. Honestly, 

[00:57:56] Zach: man, it all comes back to meditation, I think. Yeah. I'm bringing this back to meditation.

I don't want to get stuck in, I don't want to get sucked into the bullshit. You know, I, I was part of this kava bar for like two years. 

[00:58:09] Sam: I love kava 

[00:58:09] Zach: bars. It's low key. Do you really? Yeah, I get it. I totally get it. I, I 

[00:58:13] Sam: also, I, I, I, I worked all day from a kava bar yesterday I drank creative and did my, did 

[00:58:19] Zach: my work.

Wow. Dude. We're so similar. It's fucked up. . I'm serious. We're really, are like really similar. So crazy. I would never have guessed you drink Creto. Oh, well, I don't know what, I love crem too. I love it so much that I quit. Yeah. Because I was drinking it 20 percent of the day. It's expensive, too. I was buying it online.

Oh, yeah. It to my house. Oh, that's dangerous. Dude, I was shi not the powder. I was eating the crushed tea. I kind of like 

[00:58:42] Sam: that I have to go to this bar. Which bar do you go to? Um, there's one in Williamsburg that, that, um. Cava? Cava? I don't know what it's called, but my On Abenmeyer Street? No, it's on Bedford.

There's one in Williamsburg? Yeah, it's like Bedford and, and North 5th. You don't know what it's called? I think it's called Kava, Kava, Kava Social. Kava 

[00:59:01] Zach: Social. Kava Social, yeah, that one's a little, I've never been there. It's a nice one. 

[00:59:04] Sam: Yeah, it's nice. My, a friend of mine, uh, 

[00:59:07] Zach: Kava bars are cool. There's a lot of people there.

There's a lot of, like, the problem is, for me, personally, my problem with the Kava bar was that That was my life, man. Are 

[00:59:16] Sam: you new to Cava? Uh, there was, no, like years ago there was a spot in Bushwick very close to me that I would go to. Which one? Misfits? No, I don't remember what it was called. But I would go there with some consistency because at that time I was really into writing.

Yeah. And they were like kind of a coffee shop vibe Or you could sit in a Cava bar, drink Cava, and write all day. That's what I would do. I would do it at night. The problem 

[00:59:38] Zach: with Kava bars 

[00:59:38] Sam: is that the people there, I, oh, tell, don't get me started, bro. Yeah. They're so, like, this Kaba social place is a little bit shorter because it's like you, you get enmeshed, 

[00:59:46] Zach: everyone gets a mesh and 

[00:59:47] Sam: they, everyone gets so enmeshed.

Everyone knows everyone's 

[00:59:50] Zach: shit, and, and it becomes a toxic place. I believe that, and I was there for so long. I was in Kava Sutra for like two years. I was after work, I would just book it to Kava Sutra. I'd be so excited to get to Kava Sutra. Give him my tea. You know, drop like 30, 40 a night, every single day, just pounding tea, getting super high on the tea, because at the end of the day it gets you high.

Yeah. And just feeling good, and just being like, and just like, what's the word, like, jacking off in my brain? You know, mental masturbation. Yeah. Like, mental masturbating, all the, like, the, like, future tripping. Like, ah, we're gonna do this, we're gonna do that, this idea, that idea, this idea, that idea. And then a day I was just spinning my wheels and I ended up in a very toxic relationship with Kava and Kavasutra and just the Kava community.

Everyone was talking shit about each other. You know, just like very toxic and abusive relationship place for me personally. This is my personal experience. And I was drinking it every single day to the point that my brother, my little brother, Bought me for my birthday a tea kettle because he thought I loved tea so much.

It's fucked up, man Damn, and 

[01:00:59] Sam: meanwhile you're like, oh shit. He knows about my kava, but he has like this innocent take on it He thought 

[01:01:04] Zach: I loved tea. He bought me a really cool tea kettle. It was like a Japanese tea kettle It's awesome But I was like he was one of my he was like my inspiration to stop Drinking the tea because like I couldn't go anywhere without it.

We're going to Florida for the weekend I need a pack all my tea, you know, I need it. I need it. Yeah, I don't have it. I go crazy I was drinking a lot. Okay. I was drinking like five, six cups a day. Gee, that's a 

[01:01:28] Sam: lot. That's a lot. I was ordering Kratom or Kava? 

[01:01:31] Zach: Kratom. Oh, I was ordering like kilos from online kilos.

I would go through a kilo every like three weeks. Geez, that's a lot. No jokes. Every three weeks I would get a kilo and I would just keep pouring, just making these teas and drinking these teas and whatever. Anyways, my point is, is that My point is, is that, is that um, we get, we, we, we're bored, and we need drama in our lives, you know, and like, Yeah.

Then everything, then everything becomes noise, and then And then I become overly attached and overly identified with that story. So today when I was praying, I always said to God, I said, God, I've become so identified with like the stories in my head that I've forgotten who I am. Please help me remember who I am.

Oh, that's beautiful. You know, thank you. I feel like this is the part of the Hashem's Chatav where I really get serious. Cause like in the beginning I'm like, you know, talking, feel bad about saying certain things. And now it's like, okay, we're bringing it back. Like, I regret saying slinging bitches.

In my mind, I was playing a character. 

[01:02:48] Sam: Oh my gosh, yeah, you always start playing a character. I 

[01:02:51] Zach: love playing characters, though. I really do, I love characters. I sometimes do it in my car. I imagine... Yeah, and I make YouTube videos about it. I imagine a character and I, and I like, I like it. I get really into it.

Now, I don't even do the ones on YouTube. Yeah. Like, I think about a sick, twisted character. Like, sometimes... The other day I was playing a character, but it was like really real my mom. Okay, I'll tell you basically I started putting on my tefillin every day. I don't know why I started putting it on because I it became part of my My I started praying so I if you're gonna pray you might as well put 

[01:03:28] Sam: that it 

[01:03:28] Zach: became like, you know, listen I'll take it.

I saw a video of myself like six years ago At Hunter Mountain, New York at a ski resort. Mm-hmm. . And my brother was videotaping me and I was like putting on my fil and I looked really tired. Something about me looked pretty badass. You know, I had my T fill on. I had like sit my tit. 

[01:03:46] Sam: Do you feel badass with fil on?

Yeah. There's a 

[01:03:49] Zach: little, I get it dude. There's a bad ass. And I was like, you know, I kind of miss like with, 

[01:03:53] Sam: with the, with like wrapped around you, like Yeah. There's like a leather, you, you feel like a powerful, you really do. 

[01:03:59] Zach: Yeah. So I kind of, I, I had this like, like I'm, I'm like, I miss having something that I, that was, that I served that was not, that was greater than me, you know?

Yeah. There's like some sort of like, longing to like, serve something greater than me. Dostoevsky said that. Like, men innately want to serve something greater than them. If you take that away from them, they, they can kill, they die. Wither and die. Yeah. So very, very recently, for the past like, month, I would say, I started like, putting on my tefillin pretty consistently.

I went home to my mom, to my, like, last Sunday. I don't know why, but I went home. And like, I don't know why, I felt like the urge to like, show my mom my tefillin marks. My mom's like, I see. 

[01:04:42] Sam: Oh my god, see if my mom ever snags my tefillin marks, she freaks the fuck out. I like that, that's great. No, but like not in a good way.

No, that's great, yeah. She's very upset. She's very upset. Why is she upset? Because she's really afraid of 

[01:04:55] Zach: religion. Got it. I understand. My mom is like, so my mom loves religion and wants me to be religious. Yeah. That's it. So, I was like, I play this character and I'm on the way home. I was like, Mom, do you love me now?

Look at these film marks. Do you love me now? And I was like, holy shit, this is real. Like, for me, I really equate my mom's love with, with, with, like, my, my mom will only love, now, my mom says she loves me unconditionally. And that may be true, but I don't believe that. I believe it's conditional. And it's conditional based on me.

First of all, I do believe it's unconditionally. But like, but it 

[01:05:35] Sam: But, but, but it, but sometimes you like trick yourself. 

[01:05:38] Zach: There's like a very, there's like a, there's uh, something that feels really real in my body that like, for me it's like my mom won't love me unless I show her that I'm doing the things that make her love me.

Yeah. Like, don't you love me mom? I have my teflon on today. Uh, aren't you proud of me? Don't you love me now? Will you, will you give me my love, mom? Yeah. You know, and it's like holy shit. Wow, I'm like, I'm pretty much stoked that I had that like realization that that's how I equate love. And I think that it also trickles down to my like love life with like women.

Like, you know, when I'm with women, I find myself like playing out like a weird part of my childhood or something like this. Like my inner child comes out like it. There's something real, but that's 

[01:06:21] Sam: not a bad thing. No, it's not a bad thing. My inner child always comes out with women. And I think like embracing that is...

I think embracing that, for me, is what makes me, uh, successful with women. 

[01:06:36] Zach: Your inner child. Yes. I'm ashamed 

[01:06:38] Sam: of it, to I'm like, I, I, I know that I'm really fun 

[01:06:43] Zach: to date. Yeah, me too. I'm also fun to 

[01:06:45] Sam: date. I'm super fun, cause I, I, I like, I bring out that child. Like, we're playing. Like, whenever I'm dating someone, like, we're having a good time.

We're playing. Me too. We're on a play date. 

[01:06:54] Zach: I like, I'm on a play date too. I really am. I love playing with women. On a, on a date, but then I like fucking off after, you know? And I've never really met a girl yet where I'm like, I want to stick around and like play more. I'm like, okay. Me neither. That was fun, Susie.

I'm going home now. You know? Me neither. 

[01:07:14] Sam: You know, like, like, um, my... 

[01:07:19] Zach: You wanna come back tomorrow and play? No, no thanks. 

[01:07:21] Sam: Yeah, I mean, I get it. So I actually ended up, uh, So I was away for a few weeks. I went to this conference in Germany. Um, for work. And I ended up meeting a woman at the conference. And we kinda hit it off romantically.

And, um, I invited her to come to Amsterdam with me. Did 

[01:07:40] Zach: you go to Amsterdam? I went to Amsterdam. With a fruitcake? That's 

[01:07:42] Sam: amazing! And I brought this girl. We went on a date to Amsterdam. That's so beautiful. Me and this 

[01:07:47] Zach: chick from Belarus. No way! Belarusians are hot! She was hot! Yeah! And... Dude, my teacher, Mrs.

Bilmas, She was so hot. And you know what? We 

[01:07:56] Sam: had, we had a really great. And she was from Belarus. We had a really great few days together. This 

[01:08:01] Zach: And... Shout out Mrs. Billmas. Yeah, 

[01:08:05] Sam: and, and, and, you know, it was, it was, it was kind of, I feel like I do this thing with some consistency. Um, where I kind of, like, micro dose a relationship.

Yeah. You know, it's like, it's like, I'll, I'll, like, spend, like, three days with, with a girl and, like, we'll be inseparable for three days. Yeah. And it'll feel, it'll, it'll feel like we've, we've, like, been in love for years. For years. I know. And then, and then, and then, like, and, like, the, it's like Cinderella when, like, the, the clock strikes midnight.

Done. And it's, like, You wither up and dream up. It's, like, okay, I'll, I'll never see, I'll never see you again. I know. 

[01:08:36] Zach: Dude, I'm the same way with friends. Yeah. I'm so good. I'm, like, I'll make, like, the best friends of my life. And then, and then I'll never see them again. I'm cool with that, you know? Yeah, and 

[01:08:45] Sam: it's not like, it's not like I want, like, I feel like I need to abandon them or anything like that, like, Like, I still, I still, and there, and we talk, but it's like, you know, I'm so willing to like, go back to my life.

And I feel like I'm kind of waiting, because I do want a wife, I do want a partner. I feel like I'm kind of waiting for, for that moment where like, the clock doesn't strike midnight and we're still there. I get that, yeah. And I'm like, oh 

[01:09:11] Zach: shit, like. Wow. That's, see, hold that, can you hold that scene? I like that scene.

I would like to incorporate that into a film. Yeah. Where the, the clock strikes 12 and you're still there with this girl. Yeah. It's, uh, there's, I don't know the word. 

[01:09:25] Sam: There's something 

[01:09:26] Zach: romantic about it. There's a, I like, if I saw that on the, on the cinema, I would like to, that's a nice, that's, that's cool.

Yeah, man, we're pretty similar. I, I, I kind of feel bad for women. Not all, I don't want to generalize, but like, the women that I've encountered, I feel like women want, and I could be wrong, and I probably can get attacked. So hard to say what you want to feel these days without feeling afraid. Just say it.

Okay, I'm gonna say it. No one listens to this podcast except for Alianna. Hi, Alianna. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I feel like women, Want a man that they feel a man like let's just go to the basic tenets of a man Yeah, let's peel back the onion to the most basic first principles of a man. Let's go back to cavemen What does a man do men builds the shelter the men cuts down the logs now women could do it too I'm not saying they can't but I'm just talking about the basic first principles of just men yeah, carrying stones and chopping down trees and building a shelter and going out into the Into the wilderness for days on end for the hunt, you know to like kill an animal and bring it back and skin it and slaughter it Mm hmm.

That was the role of a man and the role of the women and this is survival. I'm I don't know shit about shit I'm just guessing. Yeah, my theory 

[01:10:56] Sam: this is just yours. This is like the theory of scientists 

[01:10:59] Zach: Okay, so like first looks like men men and women made a pact. We need to survive So I will you know, I will I will create the home You go out and build it.

Make it. You know what I'm saying? Like, I will raise the children, feed the children, nurture the children. You go out and provide. That's basic. 

[01:11:24] Sam: Yeah, and of course there were different societal structures with different societies. So that was like what we know to be a pretty basic way 

[01:11:31] Zach: things were the gay cavemen must have been really fun.

Like the feminine flamboyant, you know, like picking elderberries. baby. Yeah, I think I'm a shaman. I think you are too. Hey, I'm not gay

The shaman is dope dude the shaman is like he doesn't have to go out and hunt He gets worshipped by like the men and he gets to have sex with all the women You know I'm saying that's the shaman. Yeah, it's pretty legit to be the shaman. The shaman is a motherfucker. That's what he is. Literally. Like, he literally The shaman is the best he's like this like coy guy He's like I'm not going out into the wilderness to hunt like fuck that right there's like saber toothed tigers and shit.

He's like Meditation all the women are like what's a shaman doing today? Hello ladies Come lay with me. Hello, lady. 

[01:12:25] Sam: I'm the shaman. 

[01:12:27] Zach: Anyways, so, I feel like, so just to bring it back to like, I feel, my gut instinct is telling me that like, today, the, the, the noise of the world. Yeah. Stemming from like, social media, media, you know, indoctrination.

It's making, it's blurring the lines with the roles of a man and a woman. And it's possible that we're up, we're in a transitionary period of disruption, of like the lines are being, are changing. Which I think is true. Which is good also, I think, you know, things need to change and shift. Right? Roles change and shift, okay?

And I embrace that. But I still do believe innately, a woman, a woman, Really, uh, wants a man to stick around and feel safe and secure. And I, as a man, I'm saying that, like, I'm so, it's, I'm so scared of, like, getting stuck in a relationship where I want to get the fuck out, you know? So, oh man, I want to, it would be nice to, like, be with a girl and the clock strikes twelve.

A woman, and I'm like, holy shit, holy shit, the clock, it's past twelve and I'm still here. That's, that's, that's so interesting, you know? I think 

[01:13:47] Sam: that's real. You, you said, you said something that I really, I think, relate to. Which is, which is this idea of... Stability and security because I think it's something that's been holding me back from really engaging with a relationship like this or even really even having the confidence to engage with a relationship like a really long term one.

Same. Is, is the fact that I have felt so insecure and so unstable Same. In my, in specifically my work. And my ability to accumulate and, and, like, have resources and, you know, like, money and stuff 

[01:14:38] Zach: like that. Like, 

[01:14:39] Sam: dude, it's, it's been such a source of instability for me for my entire adult life. Yeah. And, and that's led to, like, I mean, it's, it's really, it's really easy for me to, like, 

[01:14:52] Zach: have a few fun dates.

Well, Sam, you're also still very young, you know. You're in your twenties. It's true. You can afford to make these mistakes. But, can I just say something? I think it's really important that you're actually thinking and feeling these things because I think this feeling could be a catalyst to you being pushed in a direction of manifesting your own destiny instead of being a product of your circumstance.

And that's it, you know, like, you're gonna have to suffer, I think, maybe, or maybe not, I don't know.

Maybe I made a mistake by telling you this thing, because maybe I projected myself onto you, which is not good. I relate to you 100%. I don't want to project myself onto you. But I really, everything you're saying, I'm like, holy shit, yeah, totally, I get it. And then I think about Gary Vaynerchuk and he says that like, fuck Gary Vaynerchuk, but he says, like, in your 20s you can just make mistakes.

But at the same time, I think it's really, what you said is very important. It's actually super important. I 

[01:15:54] Sam: think that I don't even know if I would qualify any of this as mistakes. 

[01:15:58] Zach: Not mistakes, but like, I think, like, I really do believe, this is just my gut feeling, I don't know if this is real, you know, real or just like a fantasy.

Is this the real life? Or is this fantasy? Wow, okay. Um, fuck! Okay, uh, Now it's playing in my head. I don't know if you're going through the whole song. Keep going. Okay, okay. Uh... No escape. No, no, don't keep 

[01:16:25] Sam: singing. Keep talking. 

[01:16:26] Zach: So, um, man, it's in my head. It's like, I just have to sing it now. I'm not going to.

I'm 

[01:16:33] Sam: not going to let you sing it. I'm not 

[01:16:34] Zach: going Okay, fine. Um, my brain is so funny. I'm like trying to like talk to you and it's like, little high, little low. Okay, fine. Sam, I don't have, 

[01:16:46] Sam: I don't have, I don't have the patience for this right now. 

[01:16:50] Zach: Alright, let the song play out in my head, okay? You can talk.

[01:16:55] Sam: I have OCD or something. I don't, I don't think that it's, that it's, uh, You know, I, I, I think that, like, what we've been talking about has been my path for a little while now. I mean, like, even this, this new, um, this new job that I'm at is 100 percent a manifestation of this. Of this reality and my intention to shift this reality.

Um, you know, I'm working with like a life coach that I see her every week. And like, it's like real shifts that, that I feel like I'm experiencing in real time. And thank God for her because she like simultaneously helps me through those shifts. But it also helps me to see the reality of those shifts happening.

Because as they're happening, you know, you, you, it's just your life. You get like blinded to it. It's like, oh yeah, it's just like my day to day, whatever. And she's like, no, like. Like look at how different you are from last week and from the week before that week before that like like things are moving things are progressing and You know, like maybe there is there is suffering in that there's only challenge in that and and you know A Buddhist might say they're suffering and everything suffering is like the nature of the existence or whatever Yeah, I don't know if I if I subscribe to that exactly I think I think that more to the point is that like is that if we want to change we need intention and if we Want to manifest intention we need to work You know, work, work to make those intentions reality.

For, for me, it's, it's like holding stability in a job. And, and, like, and doing a good job such that the job remains stable. Um, uh, that's something that I've never really done. You know, for you, that might be meditation. Or, or, or, or it might be, um, leaving your job. 

[01:18:40] Zach: I keep thinking about, like, lines as you're talking.

I'm just getting, I'm getting hit with lines from movies. Like, Batman, when Harvey Dent says, You either die a hero, or live long enough for you to see yourself become a villain. And I think that, and I also think about Steve Jobs, he said that people don't know what they want until you show it to them. So, I'm, the reason why I'm saying this is that, I feel like myself, back to um, me, back to me, in relation to what you're saying.

It's like, My reality my My reality my realities have blurred the lines of morale But the lines of my reality have have become so blurry that I have not been able to see past Limited like a limited mindset, you know, being stuck at a job not being able to see that Oh you can get a new one if you wanted to thinking that there's no other job than what I'm doing now or feeling like I'm gonna be in this forever and you know the importance of doing new things or trying new things or like Having someone tell you, hey, you, you actually, having a new, having a outside person who's able to look at, who's able to provide an objective view for, to you, to show, to show you, hey, like, you've actually been making progress, keep, keep doing what you're doing, keep pushing through.

And also, I would like to add, and this is, ties into meditation, that for me, I believe that I have to That I am addicted to something and I have to get returned to baseline homeostasis if I don't and because I feel like I'm I'm lost in a delusion and I think that like the meditation. It helps you like, okay, release, release, get like to release from that delusion, you know?

[01:20:48] Sam: Absolutely. I mean, and that, and I experienced that daily. You know, like that's, that's like when I meditate in the evenings, that is what happens. Like I, my day has been whatever my day is. Sometimes it's an amazing day. Sometimes it's a shitty day. Sometimes it's a day, um, every day today. And when I meditate, uh, you know, and come out of it, it's...

It's just it's like a reset. It's like, okay, like I'm back. I'm back to like the homeostasis as you said Like I'm back to like this middle ground and now you know, maybe the evening will be crazier Maybe it won't or whatever it is, but you know, I'm able to Come at that reality, whatever comes my way With my head on straight.

[01:21:39] Zach: Yeah, and I think for me the older I get the more stuck I get I noticed that with my dad because my dad used to be this cool guy Back in the day, like I would hear stories of his coolness, and I wouldn't believe it, my dad was cool, like, he's, he, my dad's so predictable, he does the same thing every, I know my, I know exactly what my dad is doing every day, like, predictable habits and patterns, and I'm doing the same thing now, it's like holy shit, I'm doing the same thing, like, not the same exact thing, but like in my own, in my own way, wake up, wake up, same anxiety thoughts, go to the coffee shop, get a cup of coffee, same coffee shop, drive to work, same route, Get to work, fuck around, make a bowl of oatmeal, check Twitter, do some work, play guitar.

You know what I'm saying? It's like the same routine as I get older, I realized. But, doing new things, like doing this podcast, sitting in this room, it imbibes you with this new space, this new energy, this new spirit, this new, Oh, this is, this is a new place. I've never been here before. And then it gives you hope.

Oh, I can do more of this. Like last week, I got invited to this Chabad Rabbi's house for... Friday night dinner. I didn't want to go at all man. I'm on the street I'm like this guy's trying to like recruit me back to Judaism, you know, yeah, but I went and I had a good time It was new. Yeah, some chick invited me to the beach.

I didn't know who I really knew who she was I went anyways at a good time, you know Like and you and then when I when I put myself in those situations, I feel the possibility of Creating it, you know, like okay now I have the motivation that I like Sometimes I'll watch him and get inspired, like, Oh, I wish I was a movie director.

I wish I, like, watched Quentin Tarantino, like, talk about something. He wrote, like, Reservoir Dogs in, like, three weeks. Man, I wish I could write a screenplay in three weeks. You can! Just start. Just start. It's so hard to start. But once you start, it's easy. It gets easier. It's like, uh, there's a book called The War of Art by Steven Pressfield.

He talks about, there's a muse. It's always there waiting for you to start. But you have to just start. You know, and I do believe I don't know where this podcast is going to go, but for me, this podcast is my, it's me showing up to myself to saying like, Hey, I don't want to live my life based on circumstances and become, I don't want to be a victim of my circumstances.

Yesterday. I thought that when I die, Like I played out this character. I like playing out characters. I played out this character. I died. I go to heaven or I go wherever and God's like yo Zach You were supposed to be like let me show you a movie in my life of your life It shows me the movie and it's like I'm supposed to be like awesome like Steve McQueen type of person You know a renaissance man, and then let me show you what your life turned out It's like 25 years at the same company, you know, you know, I'm saying like I'm like, holy shit.

Holy fuck No, no, no, no, no, no I have to like, shake off that like, heavy, lethargic dust. I have to like, I'm like, no, I'm like so comfortable in it, I'm so cozy in it. I'm like cozy in that like, in that like, um, routine. Um, day in, day out. Ah, I get my salary, you know, like, I wanna, sometimes I just wanna scream and shout.

And let it all out, you know, I wanna just like, jump off a roof. Not kill myself, but like. Like jump, like do something drastic. Like I want to like shock myself out of this lethargy energy, this cozy It's like the antithesis of Hashem's hot tub. It's another hot tub, but it isn't the hot tub of like I got your back.

It's the hot tub of like, let's all, like, eh, no stress. No, uh, no, uh, you know what I'm saying? Does that make sense? Yeah, there's like, 

[01:25:36] Sam: uh, Diversity. Lethargy feels like a good word there. Yeah. It's like, there's comfort in it, but that comfort isn't, isn't, it's manufactured. It's, 

[01:25:51] Zach: it's, It's addictive. I think it's an addiction.

It's an addiction. Yeah, man. So, uh, thank you for reminding me. Sam of, uh, the parts of myself that I, that I need, that I need to honor. Yeah. Yeah. I, you know, when you were a kid, you have these high hopes for yourself. I think everyone goes through that. I think maybe not. I don't know. Maybe you know, like one kid in class who's like just boring and like maybe doesn't care, you know, but my energy, who I am.

Yeah. I never thought of myself that I'll, that I always thought to myself, always, always, always, always, always. Ever since I was a little kid, I was either going to start my own business, I was going to do something great, whatever that is. Yeah, 

[01:26:37] Sam: I have the same feeling about myself. Yeah, 

[01:26:40] Zach: and the direction I'm heading in now, I see the car, it's like, I'm going down the wrong path.

And I'm like, fuck. I 

[01:26:50] Sam: mean, it's powerful to even say that though. It really is. To, to understand that now you just gotta do 

[01:26:56] Zach: something. I, we, this, I'm doing it. We're doing it. We're doing it right here. Right. My, my YouTube channel is my, is my like little, it's, it's like embers of an attempt to say, I remember my dream.

Yeah. Do I cry so much in movies when like, they forget like, you know Pan, remember Pan? You know the movie Hook? Sorry. Hook. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I saw the Hook movie hook a million times as a kid. Mm. I laughed at, it was so much fun. I saw it as an adult recently. Yeah. I cried my ass off, dude. Yeah. Bald. Cuz Peter Pan forgot his dream.

Yeah. He forgot who he was. Forgot who he was. And he had to be reminded. You can crow. And when they crow... But isn't it 

[01:27:34] Sam: so powerful when he remembers? 

[01:27:36] Zach: Yes! And that's why I love It's never too late. It really isn't. That's why I love I'm gonna cry right now. I really love movies. Like, I wanna make movies. I don't believe I can.

You can. I know I can, but like, I don't believe it. There's a fucker in me that's like, No, you can't. But like, why do I like movies? Cuz I, I feel the emotion. I understand the emotion. I feel the emotion. I want to transpose that emotion into a screen. But no, I was never that kid who was like making movies, you know?

Like Eitan Levine in my, in JEC was always making movies. I was fucking around, you know? But it's a story I tell myself. Such bullshit. Gotta change the story, dude. It's pretty easy. Let's do some mushrooms. I'd love to do mushrooms. Alright, bro. Let's do mushrooms. Alright, sure. Crossing Park. Alright, let's do it.

And like shift into a new story. What are you doing Saturday? Mushrooms. Let's do it. Yeah. Yeah. Stay tuned for a special Saturday podcast. Special 

[01:28:31] Sam: Shabbat episode. 

[01:28:32] Zach: Yeah, dude. I'm so excited. We'll be tripping balls. Let's see. I'm down to do some mushrooms. I would actually do that. All right, let's do it. I have no plans this weekend So let's let's let's do some mushrooms.

I 

[01:28:44] Sam: would do that for 

[01:28:44] Zach: sure mushrooms and like maybe you'll do a picnic or something 

[01:28:47] Sam: That could actually be like I feel like really spiritually fulfilling. Dude, Crossing Park is an amazing park. It's an amazing park 

[01:28:52] Zach: It really is. I love that place so much. Especially Shabbat, on Shabbat It's on Saturday, it's packed with people, they're on the lawn, music, it's a good shot, it's a good, it's 

[01:29:02] Sam: a good vibe.

I know, every time, I mean I was there yesterday and I love it, it just like, it 

[01:29:05] Zach: fills me up. Don't you, it fills you up. It fills me up too. 

[01:29:09] Sam: Okay, it's a plan. You heard it here folks. We're doing mushrooms on Shabbat. If you're, if you're a NYPD officer, come join us. Come join us. We'll 

[01:29:20] Zach: have extra. We'll have extra.

I'm so scared of doing mushrooms, but I'm, but I need to do it. I need to have a mushroom. I think we'll have a good time. I'm scared of the pain. I'm scared of facing the pain, you know. That's cool. We'll be there with you. But whatever. I never really have a bad trip. It's just like, what if I do? Doesn't matter.

I'm ready to, I need to. Yeah, if you do, we'll talk it out. I'll just gobble up those mushrooms, bro. Heck yeah. I'm excited to change. To take the small little steps to change. 

[01:29:50] Sam: I'm excited to watch you change. 

[01:29:55] Zach: Same. Likewise. We're both on the path. 

[01:29:58] Sam: We wouldn't be here if we weren't. That's a Shem's hot tub.

That's the 

[01:30:02] Zach: power of the 

[01:30:02] Sam: tub. That's the power of the tub. You just get in, and you're vibing out. 

[01:30:09] Zach: That's the power of tub! Forget that, I'm sorry. Thank god. This is a Shem's hot tub. This is a Shem's hot tub. Goodnight everybody. Goodnight!