S 2. Ep 35: Assume Difference, Build Respect: Civility in Polarized Times with guest Sara Taylor

In this episode of Dear HR Diary, Dawn sits down with Sara Taylor to get real about workplace civility—what it is, what it isn’t, and why it’s the foundation of healthy culture. We dig into cultural competence, how polarization is showing up at work, and a powerful mindset shift—assuming differences—that helps leaders communicate across identities, generations, and viewpoints. If you’re tired of “be nice” posters and want practical tools that actually change behavior, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn

• Cultural Competence 101: How identity, context, and power shape everyday interactions (and why “treat everyone the same” backfires).
• Civility vs. Niceness: Civility = respect + accountability + boundaries. Niceness alone won’t save your culture.
• Polarization at Work: Spot the warning signs (us-vs-them language, meeting silos, performative emails) and what leaders can do immediately.
• Assume Differences: A simple habit to reduce friction, improve listening, and make feedback land without drama.
• Manager Moves: Scripts, norms, and micro-behaviors that turn values into daily practice.

“Civility isn’t about being agreeable—it’s about being accountable for how our behavior affects other people.” — Sara Taylor
 

Practical Takeaways

• Adopt a civility standard: “We address issues directly, we don’t label people, and we separate intent from impact.” Put it in team norms.
• Use the two-step check: 1) Assume difference (experience, context, language). 2) Ask before assuming (“Can you share how you’re seeing this?”).
• Meeting hygiene: Agenda, time boxes, speak-order rotation, “one mic at a time,” and a 2-minute debrief: What worked? What to adjust?
• Feedback formula: Behavior → Impact → Ask. “When deadlines move without notice (behavior), the field team misses windows (impact). What can we change next sprint? (ask)”
• Red/Yellow/Green topics: Identify which conversations are safe to debate now (green), need prep (yellow), or require facilitation (red).

Resources for Listeners

• Books
  • The Culture Map (Erin Meyer) – Navigating cross-cultural communication.
  • Thanks for the Feedback (Stone & Heen) – Receiving feedback without combusting.
• Guides & Toolkits
  • Psychological Safety primers (Amy Edmondson talks/articles).
  • Meeting norms templates (RACI, Working Agreements, and Team Charter one-pagers).

Connect with Sara Taylor

• Website: https://www.deepseeconsulting.com/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarajanetaylor/
• Email:  sara@deepseeconsulting.com 
• Sara's Book: https://www.deepseeconsulting.com/thinking-at-the-speed-of-bias

Call to Action

If you want fewer eye-rolls and more buy-in, start with civility. Share this episode with one leader who sets the tone, and try the Behavior → Impact → Ask script in your next conversation. Then tell us how it went using #DearHRDiary.