78 - Do We Follow Our Feelings or Biblical Truth?

Are emotions misleading distractions or God-given guides? This question sits at the heart of many spiritual struggles as believers try to navigate between what they feel and what they know to be true.

Drawing from biblical examples and personal experiences, our conversation explores the often-misunderstood relationship between emotions and principles in the Christian life. Rather than positioning these as opposing forces, we uncover how God designed them to work in harmony, with emotions providing motivation and principles offering direction.

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Transcript

Introduction and Podcast Return

Speaker 1 0:07

Welcome to the Exhortive Podcast. We're aimed to stir up love and good works through bite-sized biblical discussion. We've had a few weeks off here. I think you know summer's just busy Weeks or months, I don't know. It took me a while to get out the. We recorded some podcasts, some ideas maybe weren't the best and then, uh, I, and then we got, uh camp and we got like a lot of other things and, um, I got behind and so, yeah, it's, it's been sparse and I apologize for its sparseness, um, but we uh, we're back at it, so we'll record a few more. And, um, I think we're close to the end of the third season. I think we had like 10 more or something like this, you know, or or less so how do we?

Speaker 2 0:53

how do we determine seasons, Whenever John tells?

Speaker 1 0:55

me we're done with a season 30 episodes and the only reason I tracked that is, I think, um I I try to wonder how many seasons we should do this.

Speaker 2 1:06

Yeah, we should do it indefinitely.

Speaker 1 1:09

I like hanging out with you guys. Well, the best show ever Star Trek.

Speaker 3 1:12

The Next Generation had seven seasons.

Speaker 1 1:14

Well, let's go to seven. That's a good number. I don't watch a TV show that's not past three seasons.

Speaker 3 1:21

That's why, if we recorded just one season, we'd be like Firefly Everyone wouldn't realize what they missed until it was gone.

Speaker 1 1:29

But then there's, like you know, lost scarcity, Like it would be amazing because it would be so scarce.

Speaker 2 1:37

What are you an?

Speaker 1 1:37

economics teacher or something I don't know. Well, we're back at it. We're doing some more podcasts. I think, Nate, you've got our topic this morning. What are we going to be talking about?

Speaker 2 1:46

Well, I want to be perfectly clear, John. This topic came from a list of subscriber questions or ideas, right?

Speaker 1 1:59

I think so it could just be something I wanted to talk about.

Emotions vs. Principles: The Question

Speaker 2 2:02

Oh okay, so my episode is just something that John wants to talk about. Oh, okay, so my episode is just something that John wants to talk about. No no, Okay. So the question here and I think it's a great question is when emotions drive beliefs, follow your feelings or principles? So, when emotions drive beliefs, do we follow our feelings or do we follow principles?

Speaker 1 2:24

Principles End of episode.

Speaker 2 2:26

We're done, boom, done, yeah, exactly, well, so my my first thought was um, well, well, principles, of course, um, and I think that for most of my life it's kind of been drilled into me like logic, logic, logic, principles, principles, principles, truth, truth, truth, and those are valuable things, but I think it's kind of been to the detriment of emotions, like emotions, those useless things that serve no purpose. And I don't think that's true. When we look into the scriptures, god is a God of principle, yes, but he's also a God of emotion, and so I think when we look in scriptures, we find both of those things. Kyle, what do you think? Is God a God of principle only, emotion only, or a little of both?

Speaker 3 3:20

No, my thoughts took me to Romans 14 and on the matters of conscience, because I think that's where we can see some inconsistency between what you feel versus what you know, and we are advised, here in Romans 14 and I think some other places too, to not violate your conscience, violate your conscience, and so there are instances where, for example, the Jews which I think is what Paul is writing about in Romans 14, that had a conscience that still convicted them. They had the guilt. That's an emotion, yeah, okay.

When Conscience and Logic Conflict

Speaker 3 3:54

They had the guilt over eating certain foods that were unclean under the laws of Moses. They had guilt over failure to uphold the Sabbath, even though that is not something that is put upon Christians to observe anymore. And Paul tells them well, just because it's okay to eat those foods if you're not and that's what he says here is that you should be fully convinced. And that's what he says here is that you should be fully convinced Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves, but he who doubts is condemned if he eats because he does not eat from faith. Okay, for whatever is not from faith is sin.

Speaker 3 4:35

So there's certainly instances where I could see in the first century and in the example of the New Testament scriptures, where you have some people that are their logic, their understanding of right and wrong is at odds with their conscience, that part of them that convicts or else approves of their actions. And Paul says you got to go with your conscience, don't violate your conscience. Now, your conscience doesn't determine right from wrong. Your conscience doesn't necessarily override logic or principle or truth. Principle or truth Right, but you should not violate your conscience.

Speaker 3 5:09

There could come a point where some of these Jewish Christians reached, reached a point in their faith that developed to the point where they had confidence that I can now have bacon and it doesn't bother me anymore because I know it's okay and I know it's not condemned anymore. And if they get to a point where their conscience gets on board with that, then it's fully approved Right. But I could definitely see some instances where, at least with regard to the conscience, where you do need to give some credence to your emotions your emotion, especially if it's, if it's guilt over something you perceive to be wrong.

Speaker 3 5:44

But your mind, your brain, understands. Well, okay, I know Christ has cleansed everything. I know that there's nothing unclean anymore.

Speaker 2 5:53

So it's almost like a principle based on well, that has a lot to do with our emotions, because our emotions do drive a lot of our decisions, our, our emotions, because our, our emotions do drive a lot of our decisions. In fact, one of the statistics that I looked up, it was a Stanford study that showed that 95% of our decisions are impacted by our emotions, or I think the study said it was like the they drive our decision-making, and I can see how, um, well, most of our decisions do involve emotions and emotions are very, very powerful. So it's, yeah, emotions are powerful. John, you're looking something.

Speaker 1 6:34

I just think the problem with focusing in on emotions is they change.

How Emotions Drive Decision-Making

Speaker 1 6:42

Oh, yeah, is they change, oh yeah, and also they're heavily biased, based upon every situation and feeling and place we are in life and our circumstances. I mean, you have one experience you're going to have different emotions about each time. So I just I'm generally uncomfortable when it's like at work, when we have a project due or there's a problem to solve. You know we're not basing trying to solve that problem on some sort of facts or evidence or data or something, but we're going based upon how we feel or our perspective about this from the past, our personal biases, our lived experiences. And the problem with our lived experiences is they're heavily biased and actually we don't remember them quite the way that we do.

Speaker 1 7:34

And two people will have a different feeling and experience than living the same experience. So I'm always generally just very uncomfortable with the fluidity of change and discrepancy of making decisions. Emotions. So I mean I think Spock is had it right, you know, I think it makes more sense to go on logic. But the problem then is we are emotional beings. God gave us emotions for a reason and sometimes they help us with the why. They help us with trying to well, why do I care about this so much? Why should I care about this so much? Why should I care about that person so much? We are given emotions and so I think that we can't do things anything without them.

Speaker 1 8:22

I think, we just need to learn how to put them in control.

Speaker 3 8:24

That's part of being made in the image of God. All the emotion we could think about we see in God, and so I think being emotional is in many ways a reflection of being made in his image. Yet it's learning to manage our emotions. God's not out of control, so I like what you said.

Speaker 2 8:42

There is learning to manage our emotions, because I was thinking about the fruits of the spirit. Are there any emotions in there? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. There is like joy, I think is like purely an emotion, and there's an emotional component to most of the um, the, the fruits of the spirit. But one of them is self-control and I was thinking about that. You know like we have our emotions that drive a lot of our decision making. Oh I want this, oh I want that. But we know, you know principles, logic, truth. We know that maybe some of those decisions aren't good. I shouldn't eat ginger snaps covered in honey at 11 pm, right?

Speaker 1 9:18

That was a very specific.

Speaker 2 9:20

Well, that's because that's what I did last night.

Speaker 1 9:23

You covered ginger snap in honey. It's not about what I ate.

Speaker 2 9:28

It's about the fact that it wasn't a good idea.

Speaker 1 9:30

I think it is about what you ate and I need to explore this more.

Speaker 2 9:34

It's because it's all we had. Sure, we just okay, anyways. So I yeah. So emotions drive a lot of our decisions. We have to have self-control right, which is basically saying hey, look, you have these emotional desires. Well, keep them in check. You need to check those based on principles or truth, because that's a better way to make decisions. So. So here's a question Can can strong emotions ever help us make better decisions?

Speaker 1 10:01

I don't know when and where it's an appropriate time to think of this in context of an actual, like a tangible example, like what do we give a give a scenario where, okay, so one might lean in on emotion versus so?

Speaker 2 10:17

principle okay, but I don't know where it's appropriate to so let's let's look at, let's look at peter, right peter you asked a question.

Speaker 1 10:23

I don't want to segue away from the question because I no no, no, well, you're putting it back on me.

Speaker 2 10:28

So I'm going to answer my own question, because you're a very good politician. I wasn't trying to Well, I wasn't.

Speaker 3 10:34

I actually had an answer, but now I don't.

Speaker 2 10:36

I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. I just did, I'm sorry. No see if we can do this here. So so one example of Peter using emotion to make a bad decision is in the garden, when he cuts off the high priest's servant's ear, malthus's ear, right. So that's a very emotional decision. They're going to arrest Jesus. You know, peter's got a sword, he slices the guy's ear off and and Jesus rebukes him for that. So so there's an instance of a strong emotion leading to making a poor decision, but but there's another instance where I think Peter makes a good decision based on strong emotion.

Speaker 2 11:17

Now, it may not be a decision of a lot of consequence, but in John 21, the, the Jesus has been crucified and he's been resurrected from the dead. And he's appeared to the disciples a handful of times, and one of those times is right after they go fishing again. Right, peter says I'm going fishing, the other guy, the other disciples follow him. So they go fishing. They don't catch anything. They see this guy on shore and they don't know this Jesus. But it's Jesus.

Speaker 2 11:47

And he says hey, cast your nets on the other side of the boat. So they cast their nets on the other side of the boat. They pull up all these fish, right. And so John leans over and says to Peter hey, it's Jesus. And Peter, the emotional guy that he is, just jumps in the water and swims to shore Right. And the rest of the apostles like they, they row to shore, as you would expect, the more logical way to go about it, right? So here here's an instance where Peter's strong emotions like, oh, my goodness, that's Jesus, I want to go see him, I think, lead to a possibly a good choice, like, hey, I want to go see Jesus now.

Speaker 3 12:20

Now, maybe the others in the boat wouldn't agree with that. Peter, where are you going? We got tons of fish. Now Get back here. Yeah right, but I see the point you're making when you ask that question. I again go back to the idea of emotions are a reflection of God, so we need to look at how God uses emotion, and I think emotions can drive decisions, yeah.

Speaker 2 12:44

But I don't.

Speaker 3 12:44

I think here's the self-control and I think emotions can drive decisions. But I don't. I think here's the self-control and I think it's very visible with the emotion of anger. Oh yeah, emotion should drive action, but it should not dictate those actions. Pause.

Speaker 2 12:58

The word emotion has motion in it. No way, oh my goodness, like something that moves us to do something. Okay, keep going.

Speaker 3 13:06

So Psalm seven, verse 11, god is a just judge and God is angry with the wicked every day. Or Nahum, chapter one God is jealous and the Lord avenges. The Lord avenges and is furious. The Lord will take vengeance on his adversaries. Now this doesn't mean that God goes off the handle and just goes on a tirade. Or you catch him at the wrong moment and it's kind of like the Bond villain in a movie, where just you catch him at the wrong moment he throws you out a window because his workers are replaceable or whatever, like oh, he caught him at a bad day or something. No, god is in control.

Anger: Channeling Emotions Properly

Speaker 3 13:49

But that anger, that fury, that vengeance is a driving force as well. And there are times, like in Habakkuk, where people are asking God when will you do something about the wickedness? When will you act as the judge? So I think, with God we can see that anger keeps God from being indifferent. But I don't think that's the same thing as saying that God has an outburst of anger. And so when I think about being angry, I mean there's examples of that too, like in Acts, chapter 16, where this young woman with the spirit of divination keeps following around Paul and Silas and saying these men are the servants of the most high God who proclaimed to us the way of salvation. She did this for many days, but Paul, greatly annoyed, turned and said to the spirit, I command you, in the name of the Lord Jesus, to come out of her. And that's an interesting story we could talk about some other time, but we see that Paul is annoyed.

Speaker 3 14:51

So I feel like emotions. When it comes to something like anger, you feel like, yes, I feel lots of things. Anger is what keeps me. There are things that I should be angry about when my brethren sin. There should be anger there. Now do I act in anger? That's where the self-control comes in, but the emotion itself of anger, it should spur, give me that kick, that push. I need to do something about that. Yeah, channel that energy.

Speaker 3 15:28

Giving full vent to that anger and screaming in their face or insulting them or just venting my feelings on it is not the helpful thing, and that's where the self-control comes in. But anger is what keeps me from becoming indifferent, like well, who am I to judge?

Speaker 2 15:43

keeps me from becoming indifferent, like well, who am I to judge? And so and so the point that you're making is is that emotions should move us to make good decisions should move us or can help us make good decisions.

Speaker 3 15:56

Emotions should be the, the factor that drives us or spurs us into motion, to use your wordplay a little earlier, but our conscious self, our sense of logic and our sense of reason should be what dictates our actions.

Speaker 2 16:15

Right, and that's where that self-control, like the principle and the emotion. We want to make our choices based on principles, but we control our emotions, you know, kind of through the lens of those principles.

Speaker 3 16:27

They need to be channeled with some reason and thought, but I think emotion, emotion is, is a powerful force that keeps us from becoming indifferent when we should be active.

Speaker 2 16:38

Yeah, so, as you were sharing that story, I couldn't help but think of Jesus when he clears the temple of the money changers. It doesn't say that he was angry, but I couldn't help but think of Jesus when he clears the temple of the money changers. It doesn't say that he was angry, but I don't think it's a stretch to say that he was angry.

Speaker 3 16:52

I've never hit someone with a whip where I was not a little bit emotional, Right right, you've hit someone with a whip. Another podcast.

Speaker 2 17:04

But he went and made a whip, right, like he saw them doing the money changing in the temple, and then he went and made a whip. If that doesn't show like self control and logic in the face of emotion, then I don't know what does right. So he sees this they are violating God's law, they are violating true principles. And then he I'm sure he felt angry. So then he he says, well, how am I going to solve this? I'm going to go make a whip and then I'm gonna go drive them out of the temple.

Speaker 3 17:37

I could picture him just quietly in the corner without a word. What's he doing over there? What's he making over there? What, what, what you making over there, Jesus? And then just turns around and bust out a whip.

Speaker 2 17:50

There's a meme about that.

Speaker 3 17:51

That's fantastic but I would also add colossians 3 and verse 12. Therefore, it as god's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Compassion is clearly rooted in emotion. It's, it's of I mean that word, passion is in there. It's it's all about feeling for someone else and, again, having compassion for the poor or the suffering, feeling in an empathetic kind of way, feeling what they're feeling is what drives us to take action. But again, maybe we need to be thoughtful about what's in their best interest. How do we best serve them? But the emotion, that compassion, is what stirs us to take action.

Speaker 2 18:48

To do something about it. So one of the things that I thought about is, like, what makes a good leader? Is it being emotional or is it being principled? I think the answer to that is pretty obvious, like we'd all want a principled leader, and I think about what Solomon asked for in his prayer to God. As Solomon is becoming king, he uh not for, you know, riches and long life. He asks him for wisdom, uh, and the ability to make good choices between right and wrong, so that he can effectively judge God's people, and God praises him for for that. Um, and so you know, here, I think, we see the value of uh being being principled, uh, of being principled as far as, like leadership is concerned. What part does being principled play in making good choices?

Speaker 1 19:55

What are we defining as principled?

Speaker 2 19:59

Oh, based on truth, Like, and you know, if something is true, it's true because God made it that way.

Speaker 1 20:09

I think, at least as a parent, consistency is king in a lot of things. Having giving my kids clear expectations of what to what we do, what we don't do, those kinds of expectations in life is super important. A lot of times we don't like ambiguity in a situation. What do I do now? Kyle, I know you love.

Speaker 3 20:35

I'm from Seattle, so I live in the gray. You live in the gray. I know that, yeah, not black and white. I love the gray.

Speaker 1 20:40

I know that, yeah, black and white I love the gray, but I do think there's something comforting, um, especially if you're raising people, you're teaching people, you know new Christians or or your kids.

Speaker 3 20:49

There's something comforting in understanding and knowing truth Well and yeah, emotions can be a difficult thing to discern, sometimes, how I feel about a particular situation. Sometimes I'm not even able to fully understand how to make sense of something based on how I feel about it, and so there does need to be some sort of anchor to hold us in place. If I'm angry about a sin, it's not uniform. I might be more angry about someone sinning in a arguably lesser fashion. If I don't know them very well. It's easy to be angry and give full vent to my anger, but then, when it's someone I'm close to, I'm a little more inclined to be. Well, let's hear them out. And so my emotions aren't a perfect guide in these situations, and emotions can cloud, sometimes not clarify. So emotions are important as a driving force, but again, our actions have to be governed by reason ultimately.

Emotions in Leadership and Family

Speaker 1 21:49

Let me give an example. Let's talk about family. Let's talk about family. Let's say someone in our family is straight away from God Okay. Let's say someone in our family is straight away from God okay. Or we have family members that have never been particularly close to God or have their relationship.

Speaker 1 22:12

We can get into this family loyalty versus truth. Luke 14, 26 tells us if anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, he cannot be my disciple. So we're given this truth that we know who we need to choose over and make a decision over. But the emotion says I love them and I don't want to judge them. I love them and I don't want to push them away. And yet the principle says we cannot compromise truth and maintain peace. So that's, we have those situations in life where the emotions it's hard to or at odds with the truth. If I push this too much, I'll push them away and I won't have the opportunity to be there in their lives to save them. So I have to not push so that they stick around, and that's kind of like this kind of difficult. I think everyone who's got that in that situation understands that. That's kind of like give people grace.

Speaker 3 23:30

But that's kind of like give people grace and everyone needs to decide for themselves what is enough push, what is enough exhortation by still remaining in their lives. As a biblical illustration of that, I'm thinking of the way David mismanaged his children, sure? So the whole Amnon and Tamar incident, yeah, he did not step in when he should have been swift. Amnon should have been punished and, I think, put to death right away by David. He delayed.

Speaker 3 23:51

So Absalom stepped in and killed his half-brother and David should have done something about that, but didn't. And David should have done something about that, but didn't. He simply banished Absalom until his emotions got the best of him and he missed him and said come on home, but for I think it was like for a year or two he wouldn't even go see his son in person, and so he's letting his emotions cloud what should have been. Either you need to condemn Absalom for killing his half brother and do something about it, or, if you forgive him, you need to fully forgive him and go to him in person, but he's just letting his emotions cloud. And then we know how that turned out Absalom usurped the throne and that was a horrible incident. So you could just see the way David's emotions, I think, kept him from being level-headed in dealing with the sins of his children.

Speaker 2 24:42

I mean kind of throughout this whole discussion. I'm thinking about emotions and principles and, like I think we've come to the conclusion emotions aren't a bad thing and certainly principles are not a bad thing.

Speaker 3 24:55

One of the big lessons from Job, from Job.

Speaker 3 25:02

I heard you Strike while the air is hot. Stoicism is not the right approach either. Job says. Therefore, I will not restrain my mouth, I will speak in the anguish of my spirit, I will complain in the bitterness of my soul. So stoicism is not the correct approach either. We need to understand the proper role for emotions and as much as I love uh, commander spock, uh it the vulcan way is, is not the way god intended for us to live. This purifying of emotion completely stoic, and and that's not what we find in the bible which do you think comes first, principles or emotions?

Speaker 3 25:44

when I say first, I mean uh, of primary importance oh well, I would say, in a chronological way, emotion comes first. Emotion is what you feel first, but you have to be strong enough to pump the brakes on emotion and then let reason. So I don't think, I don't think I could say one or more is is important as far as preeminence, but I would just say that that, in a chronological way, emotion is what drives us. Emotion is what? What is the immediate reaction to a situation? But we have to give room, we have to have that self-control to allow reason and principle to come in and guide our actions. So that's how I've always understood it.

Speaker 3 26:28

I think both, in my mind, are equally important. We're emotional, and that comes from God. And to be devoid of emotion, that's missing the point. God does not want us to be stoics. So we have emotion, we have principle and I think just getting the right order is what matters more than leaning. One is more important than the other. I think getting the order is what matters. Feel the emotion, let the motivation get you up off the couch to do something, but have enough self-control to hit the brakes and think through your actions first.

Speaker 2 27:00

And do it in accordance with true principles or God, you know, god's principles. When I first thought about this topic, I thought oh, like a spectrum, right, you have emotion on one end and you have a principled on the other end. And the the answer for, like, what is the best? Should you be 100% emotional or 100% principled? Uh, I think the answer is like somewhere in the middle right, where principles of truth. I think when we say principles, what we're really talking about is truth. Truth is what we base our decisions on, but emotions are so intertwined with how we make our decisions and how we act upon those choices that it's almost impossible to to just completely remove the two from each other. But what I, what I don't think is a good idea and and there's a lot of evidence, I think, throughout scripture and life to to support this is that we just do whatever we feel like doing.

Speaker 1 27:56

Well, and I think that's why. I think that's why the knee-jerk feeling is that it's a spectrum or it's on one side of a pendulum or not. It's because, generally, what we see the most is which is available information in front of us. That's what we see the most is that people let emotions rule their actions, oh yeah, and so when they do that, we think got to rein that in. And it's true, we need to rein that in, and so I think that that's why we see these tools used inappropriately.

Speaker 2 28:35

Yeah.

Speaker 1 28:35

So we assume they're all bad. I mean any tool that you see used inappropriately for something and without reason can be seen as bad.

Speaker 3 28:47

Well, guilt and shame are powerful tools that we should be utilizing, but you see them abused so very much. Yeah Well, I was thinking in 2 Corinthians 2, when he talks about this punishment, which was inflicted by the majority, is sufficient for such a man, so that, on the contrary, you ought rather to forgive and comfort him. So there's some emotion there, with comfort, lest perhaps such a one be swallowed up with too much sorrow. So Paul intended for them to introduce some sorrow, which is emotion, into this person's life, the sinner, by essentially withdrawing from them. He intended for there to be some sorrow, and so the emotion, the sorrow, should ideally cause this person to rethink their actions. But Paul is also saying don't get carried away, you've done enough now.

Speaker 3 29:38

Embrace them now, show them some comfort and let's show that emotion of acceptance and love, because we've gotten through, we've made the point we needed to Right. So there's emotion is a powerful driving force, even in trying to stir up emotion in someone else. It's not just that I feel anger and that makes me want to do something about the injustice I've seen. I can also try to stir up emotion in someone else, someone who's struggling. Maybe it's joy. Can you see the good that you've done? And I want them to say don't be too hard on yourself. So I want you to feel joy and I'm going to try and stir up some joy in you.

Speaker 3 30:17

Or maybe you've done wrong and I want to make you feel a little bit guilty or shame, but not, not disproportionately so we don't want you to quit, but we want you to to.

Speaker 2 30:28

Well, when I say quit, I mean quit on the whole, but we do want you to. You know, stop whatever bad behavior you're you're engaging in 1 Corinthians, 9, 26 and 27.

Speaker 1 30:38

So I do not run aimlessly, I do not box as one beating the air, but I discipline my body and keep it under control Lest, after preaching to others, I myself should be disqualified.

Speaker 1 30:51

We have lots of verses like this that contextually, you know, help us understand that it's our job to keep our body, which is our brain as well and our heart you know, verbally our heart but under control, and so and I think that that's the thing is their tools that are used together our ability to understand no truth and to go out and teach it, and our ability to understand, hopefully, which is, I think, that's why we also see this too I feel like there is a huge decline, probably some of my other work in the work world, but a huge decline in people's abilities to regulate and understand their own emotions. What emotion am I having right now? How do I regulate it? Locus of control. All my emotions are just byproducts of the world around me and they make me feel this way, and I feel this way. It's not my fault, they do it to me, and so we have a problem with even feeling like we have the agency to control our emotions, because the world dictates those. He was mean to me. It's not my fault.

Speaker 3 31:58

That's why I lashed out.

Speaker 1 31:59

And so I feel like we're just so undisciplined as a society when it comes to emotions. Um, we see, social media was huge, coming out there and just allowing people to to live through their emotions, words through their emotions in real time with zero consequences in real time, destroying families, destroying relationships, destroying you know all, because they feel like saying something all because they, honestly, they don't know how to use emotions like it's a tool.

Speaker 1 32:29

It is the why I agree, kyle. It's what you start with. It's the why it's the love I love in my heart. So I'm going, so I'm going to take this time to talk to this person because I care for them. What am I going to talk to this person because I care for them? What am I going to talk to them about Truth?

Speaker 1 32:43

How am I going to talk to them about it tactfully, with love. I'm going to remember my reasoning with love, and so that's going to change the way I talk to them about it and it's cyclical.

Speaker 3 32:53

Sometimes the loving thing is a rebuke, and that's where the emotion and the reason don't necessarily line up. Is if I love the person and I just go with the feelings, I'm going to give support and comfort.

Speaker 2 33:04

Right.

Speaker 3 33:04

But if I'm rational and looking for principle, maybe the loving thing to do is a rebuke or try to help them correct their behavior.

Speaker 2 33:18

So what I'm hearing you say is that is the two work in concert with each other. It's, it's not. You know, make your decision fully based on how you feel. It's not make your decision.

Speaker 3 33:25

Sometimes the emotion, the action you take almost seems to be in conflict with the emotion you feel.

Speaker 2 33:33

Oh, yeah, do you?

Speaker 3 33:35

love your children. So you correct them that that involves punishment sometimes. And do you enjoy punishing your children? Do your emotions match? I'm doing this because when my, when my parents would tell me I'm spanking you because I love you, I didn't understand that that seemed like well, if you love me, then you wouldn't be doing, you wouldn't be hurting me. But I see the way that that has trained me and kept me from making really bad decisions as I grew older, with greater consequences, and I see the love in what they were doing, in the way they parented me, and I also see how awful I was as a, as a young child too. I think how much I pushed them.

Finding Balance and Self-Control

Speaker 2 34:16

I think you make a very good point. We have, we have to. When we have a strong emotion, we have to sub. I think it's a good idea the scripture shows it's a good idea through through the principle of self-control, to subject it to principled action. Um, and, and I think of like being a teenager and the many, many choices that I made based on emotions that were not good, they were not through the lens of a principle, and those choices were very bad and affected me, some of them for, you know, years, and it was because I felt like doing it. Well, I want to do this, I feel like doing this, so I'm going to do this, and then you bear the consequences of that. You know could be, could be for a lifetime.

Speaker 1 35:01

Well, and so I was also thinking about how we have so many proverbs that talk about the tongue. And take me to the tongue. It's as if we give these kids today and you know I'm just saying kids, I mean millennials are still people in their 20s and 30s right, they act like kids.

Speaker 1 35:14

Yeah, they act like kids is loaded weapons. They have these loaded weapons and they're just mowing people down and they don't even understand what. You know how to use these. Uh, their words and emotions and stuff. Um, it still ranks as the like 80 of employers report that people don't have soft skills out there right, people don't have those necessary.

Speaker 2 35:37

The emotional intelligence kind of stuff, yeah, and so.

Speaker 1 35:39

so I mean it's still not getting better, Kids still have. We thought that was kind of a byproduct of COVID, you know, kids had no interpersonal skills, couldn't relate to each other.

Speaker 2 35:48

Oh well, people didn't have a lot of that before COVID, we didn't have it before actually, and we have it even less now.

Speaker 1 35:53

But, and so I think that that's why we see emotions not in harmony With principles. We see emotions not in harmony with principles and they seem to be opposite, because people just don't know how to wield them.

Speaker 2 36:10

And they're wielding them like AK-47s out there, you know, just moving people down. I think of that passage. It's in Jeremiah Jeremiah 17, 9, where God is rebuking the Israelites for their sin and he says the heart is deceitful, above all things, and desperately sick. Who can understand it? I don't think it's a stretch to say that he's referring to their choices based on their emotions. I want to do this, so I'm going to do it, even though it is sinful, and so we can't trust our feelings to help us make good choices. I heard this analogy and I think it's a really good analogy. Feelings are like waves right, they come and they go, and they come and they go, Um, but uh. But principles are like a, a lighthouse on a, on a point on a rock, right, like principles don't go anywhere. Waves do. They come, come and they go. And if you just go with the waves, you're going to beat yourself up against the principles. And who are you destroying in that process? You're destroying yourself. You're not going to destroy the principle.

Speaker 1 37:13

Which is why things like progressive Christianity have been on the rise and all these other things, because people just all these social issues that come up is people. It's really hard for people to square the love of God with the principles that they read in the Bible, and so what do they do? They're coached and they're told to reinterpret the scriptures or to adjust their perspective based upon, obviously how they feel. And I think that that's the bad example of using emotions and that's why they feel.

Speaker 2 37:53

I mean, just look at the issues we have today with, like, well, sexual immorality and transgenderism. I feel like I'm not a boy so I go and have surgeries to become a girl and what is the effect of that? I don't have the stats in front of me, but but, like, the suicide rate, the depression rate, the, the emotional unhealthiness in the transgender population and I'm not trying to pick on them only, it's just low hanging fruit but the mental challenges that they face are based on making decisions purely on emotion. I feel this way, therefore, I'm going to do this thing and that has lasting consequences.

Speaker 1 38:36

My brain would want to then try to, and taking the next steps with this is to understand, if there, how do I know when I'm leaning on emotion versus principle, and what are some ways that I can be in control of my emotions? Sure, right.

Speaker 2 38:56

Well, I think one of the ways is to constantly be in the Bible in the word. I think one of the ways is to to constantly be in the Bible in the word. The Bible teaches us principles, teaches us God's truth about life, about emotions, and the more that we understand what it says and and who he is and who we should be, I think, the more perceptive we will be when it comes to discerning our own emotions and what choices we should bake, bake, uh, what, what choices we should make based on those, those emotions. So, staying in the word um, I think is, uh, I think is a, a powerful tool for understanding ourselves and our emotions. Um, and and also I think that um prayer is important in in James. In James it says if we pray for wisdom, he'll give it to us.

Speaker 3 39:46

I was about to take it to the prayer side as well that one of the chief, if not the chief, components of prayer is how it strengthens our faith or purifies our faith and puts us in a place of dependency upon God, which is the very heart of faith, and there's something important about taking things to God that brings it into perspective.

Speaker 3 40:11

Jesus spent the whole night in prayer before selecting the 12 apostles and I think he already knew who he was going to choose. I mean, he's God, he knows everything. Yet he still spent the whole night in prayer and I'm assuming there's a connection between praying about it all night and then in the morning selecting the apostles. So, even when it's a decision that you already feel like you know the answer, to still spend time in prayer, because it gives you that, you take it to the throne of God and that just brings a perspective that that reminds you and puts you puts you back in that place of dependence on God for wisdom and guidance. Yeah, yeah, and it will just reframe your thinking. The act of prayer itself should reframe your thinking as to what is in God's best interest.

Speaker 1 40:56

I really like that, because we're going to a legitimate source right at that point. Yeah, One of the issues I was trying to think of a good way to say this, and I think that it's important to like what we're doing here talk about scripture and talk about these scenarios, hold each other accountable, all these things. But one of the problems that you can get into that trick is you can start looking for group think, and that is I have a scenario, this is how I feel about it. I'm going to look and I'm going to talk to people subconsciously, maybe consciously, and I'm going to look for someone to validate those feelings.

Speaker 1 41:37

And then that's the person that I'm going to listen to.

Speaker 1 41:41

And that's a problem. Group things is a bad thing, but also looking to have those emotions about that thing validated, that is, man, I feel this way about this. But look what I read in the scripture. Scripture tells me to do this, but I feel I need to do this and I don't know what to do. What do you think? Yeah, no, I think you got to go with what your gut on this. I think you go with what you feel. You're right, thank you.

Speaker 1 42:06

And we immediately just forget that we had empirical, not empirical. Sorry that we had truth and we had the answer in front of us. It was the emotions we needed to wrangle, not decide between the two, and I think that that's a big problem I see out of Christians too, is we'll kind of hunt around and we'll, if we don't have that validation, we kind of look for it, and that's a dangerous mode. I do think we need to have conversations with people. To have conversations with people. I just think we need to be on guard for making sure that we our sample size is larger and we get a lot of people's thoughts about it and at the end of the day, we settle with trying to understand how I can bring my mind and body into agreement around scripture and truth.

Speaker 2 42:58

So what you're saying is don't go looking for people to confirm how you feel and validate necessarily how you feel. What, what? What should we go looking for? Well, that's not the tool of the emotion.

Speaker 1 43:09

The tool of emotion is it's the why and the how, it's not the what. And so you're looking around for people to confirm the what. I don't know if that makes sense. I'm trying to. I always think formulaically and try to distill things down to a little easier thing, because I like that security blanket. I don't like gray um, but I do think that's just important is the is. Beware of finding someone to validate those emotions, okay so.

Speaker 2 43:36

So we have stay in the word, because it teaches us, you know, quality principles well, true principles that help us make, make good choices. Pray, pray, pray, pray, for for all of the reasons, don't go looking for people just to validate what you feel. I think the flip side of that coin is, instead, look for wise people that you can bounce your feelings, thoughts, ideas, emotions off of. That that can help you make better, perhaps more principled choices. And that's a Bible principle, proverbs 24, six. For by wise counsel you shall make war. And in multiple, a multitude of counselors, there is safety. I'm not saying, you know, go go to war. What I'm saying is, in a multitude of counselors, there is safety, there's wisdom, there's guidance there, to, to, to help direct us sometimes in the face of our emotions. When, uh, you know, I used to live in, uh, reading, which is five hours from here, and I was making the decision to, to move down here, to, you know, pursue my relationship with my wife. Now, uh, and emotionally, Reading to Madera.

Speaker 3 44:40

You really made a lateral move there.

Speaker 1 44:44

I went from living in a house that I owned. Well, at least it's not Sanger.

Speaker 2 44:46

Hey, I went from living in a house that I owned to living in an apartment, right, like it felt. It did not feel like a forward. It did not feel like a forward move and I had to make a decision in face of a lot of emotions that I didn't like. I didn't want to in every way so, but I did and it was the best choice in that situation.

Speaker 1 45:10

So anyways, but also I think you should.

Practical Ways to Manage Emotions

Speaker 2 45:14

I had a lot of people around me who were wiser than me, more experienced than me, christians further along in life who said hey look, worst thing that happens is you go down there, maybe the relationship doesn't work out and you move back Right. And so it was like, ok, there's some wisdom in what they're sharing.

Speaker 3 45:34

I should have listened to what they, what they have to say you can always cover up her name that you tattooed on your chest.

Speaker 2 45:39

Oh right.

Speaker 1 45:40

Right Now. Did you know those wise people and those audiences before you got in that situation, or did you look around for people?

Speaker 2 45:48

No, I knew that and that's my point One was a deacon and one was an elder.

Speaker 1 46:01

And well, that's the thing is there's value in having seven elders, you know, or like we do, or a lot of elders, because they're all going to have different emotions and perspectives about things, but they're all going to be trying to bring it into harmony around truth, yeah, and so that's a value that you can see there is. Maybe some will echo the emotions that you're having, yeah, but and that's what's really important, what I was trying to say is identify who those people are now, not in the wartime, right? No, not in the struggle time. Decide who you're going to go to now. Go to them often about lots of different things in your life, and so I think that that's really important.

Speaker 2 46:37

And, like Solomon in his prayer, have the right attitude. What do you want to accomplish with whatever it is you're wanting to do? Is it you wanting to do what's right by God, or is it you just wanting what you want for yourself? So, when it comes to principles and emotions, both of them are important. God has made us with both of them. It's important for us to pay attention to our emotions, but we want to exercise self-control with that and make choices in line with God's truth, god's, god's principles, um, and, and those kinds of choices where we, uh, bring our emotions in line with God's principles are the kind that make for a godly life and a and a blessed life, for a godly life and a blessed life.

Speaker 3 47:21

Well, thank you very much, Nate. That was a very enlightening conversation and I feel a lot better about my emotions after this and I feel like I have a lot more grounding in how to manage those emotions, because I am a very emotional person.

Speaker 3 47:37

I just keep it deep under the surface. But thank you very much, nate, and thank you all for listening to this episode of the Exhorted Podcast. We hope it's been a help and an encouragement and an exhortation to you and we would like to exhort you to follow along, follow us on Facebook and subscribe Any one of the number of places where we upload our podcasts each week or month. But thank you for listening and we look forward to seeing you next time. Bye.

Speaker 2 48:11

Now, if you, if you feel like you liked that, if you felt joy or anger, I don't know Please express that in a comment on on our social media feed.

Speaker 3 48:23

Yeah, give us the most emotional response you can.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Speaker 2 48:25

Yes, please respond to this podcast with an emoji. Am I introducing my episode? No, you don't introduce yourself.

Speaker 1 48:35

That's just rude.

Speaker 2 48:39

Are we going with my episode? Because you think it is the most baked of the ideas? Because I started this morning with. I have something, but it's half baked.

Speaker 1 48:53

No, no, this is good. All right, last time we did this. I have a podcast sitting in my archive.

Speaker 2 49:06

Kyle, what do you think Is God? A God of principle only, emotion only, or a little of?

Speaker 3 49:15

both Loading Comment. Loading Hold on.

Speaker 2 49:20

It's currently before 8 am in the morning and Kyle is a night owl.

Speaker 3 49:29

He's reading in Romans he's really not a night owl.

Speaker 1 49:32

He's not a morning owl.

Speaker 3 49:34

So I would say yeah, it's really a mixed bag when you're going to get the best version of me. I don't even know when that happens, but it's definitely after coffee, right? Oh, it's really a mixed bag when you're going to get the best version of me, I don't even know when that happens, understood, but it's definitely after coffee, right.