#113: The Messy Middle of Stepmom Life: Intrusive Thoughts, Comparison, and Control

Do you ever catch yourself spiraling with intrusive thoughts about not being “enough” as a stepmom? Maybe you wonder if you’ll ever feel as important as your partner’s kids’ mom. Or you feel that rush of pressure to have a baby of your own—just so you can finally feel “equal.”

If that’s you, you are not alone.

In this episode of The Stepmom Side Podcast, Alicia dives deep into what she calls the messy middle of stepmomming—the stage where you’ve been in the role long enough to know the hard stuff, but you’re still figuring out how to handle the constant tension of:

• Dealing with intrusive thoughts of feeling inferior as a stepmom without biological kids
• The pressure and jealousy around wanting your own kids just to feel equal
• Facing the double standard: what makes you a “great mom” with an ours baby would’ve been called “evil” with your stepkids
• Balancing care and control—wanting to show up for your stepkids but not having the legal authority to make decisions
• Recognizing when it’s time to step back and let the actual parents handle it, even when you see the gaps
• Coping with frustration, resentment, and those “rage-cleaning the bathroom” moments
• Why comparison to the ex or to a “perfect family” is a trap you don’t have to stay stuck in

Alicia shares her own messy middle stories—like jealousy when she didn’t have kids of her own yet, or the time she literally walked four miles at night just to calm down after stepfamily stress. You’ll hear real talk, honest encouragement, and strategies to help you feel less alone and more grounded in your role.

👉 Whether you’re childless, child-free, or balancing stepkids with kids of your own, this episode will remind you: you are not broken—you’re just in the messy middle.

✨ Join the conversation inside The Stepmom Side Community, where you can connect with stepmoms who truly get it.