Embracing Fear w/ Dr. Taryn Fletcher

Dr. Taryn Fletcher is a distinguished coach, author, and educator committed to empowering individuals on a global scale. With two decades of experience in transforming failing schools, Dr. Taryn reaches millions through national publications like Smart Brief and the Hechinger Report. Her Brave Leader program aims to develop impactful leaders by inspiring bold and purposeful actions. As a TEDx speaker and mother of three, she continues to advocate for intentional and inclusive workspaces that foster joy and productivity.

Episode Summary:

In this engaging episode of the Leadership Moments podcast, Dr. Taryn Fletcher shares an insightful discussion about the challenges and rewards of pivoting in both life and professional settings. Dr. Taryn's journey from being at the pinnacle of her career to embracing an unexpected personal challenge is a testament to the resilience and adaptability required to succeed as a leader. Her personal and professional experiences converge in a conversation that challenges listeners to confront their own fears and embrace bold changes.

Throughout the episode, Dr. Taryn emphasizes the power of walking alongside fear to enact meaningful change. With valuable insights into the complexity of leadership dynamics, she explains how to harness personal crises into catalysts for growth. As she recounts her transition from educational leadership to entrepreneurship, Dr. Taryn underscores the significant role personal life events play in shaping one's career path. This episode is packed with strategies for overcoming fear, trusting oneself, and making strategic life pivots—all crucial elements for aspiring and established leaders alike.

Key Takeaways:

• Embrace Fear as a Companion: Learn to move with fear rather than eliminating it, recognizing it as a driving force for transformation.
• Trust and Self-Knowledge: Trusting oneself is essential in a world filled with noise; knowing oneself paves the way to certainty and confidence in decision-making.
• Pivoting with Purpose: Significant life events can be harnessed to pivot careers, turning personal challenges into professional opportunities.
• Never Start from Scratch: Past experiences and skills can seamlessly transition into new endeavors, reducing the fear of starting over.
• Mindfulness and Conscientious Living: Understand the importance of being mindful and living intentionally to bring clarity and focus to personal and professional life.

Notable Quotes:

• "You have to walk the talk. You have to be authentic as a leader if you're not doing it."
• "This baby gave me a purpose that allowed me to walk away from perfection."
• "Fear doesn't live here. Even the most successful people are fearing different things. They're just moving with the fear."
• "I often hear the emotional baggage of starting over, but you're never starting from scratch; you're starting from experience."
• "Trusting yourself is the only way to get to the place where you're supposed

All episodes and guest requests can be found at:
www.leadershipmomentspodcast.com
Follow Stacey Caster on Instagram @staceycaster_
Follow Tracy-Ann Palmer on Instagram @tracy_ann_palmer

Transcript

Walk The Talk Leadership

SPEAKER_03 0:01

You have to walk the talk. You have to be authentic as a leader. If you're not doing it, I see that.

SPEAKER_02 0:07

It is entirely universal. There's other people who are going through this.

SPEAKER_03 0:11

For me, a great leader needs to be able to marry three things: vision, systems, and people.

Welcome And Share The Show

SPEAKER_02 0:20

Welcome to Leadership Moments. If this is your first time, and if you are returning, thank you for your support.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

This show is about leaders from all walks of life, leadership tips, and maybe even a little of what you wouldn't expect to help you in leadership.

Meet Dr. Taryn Fletcher

SPEAKER_02 0:35

We would appreciate it if you tell someone else about our podcast as we strive to support all leaders that want to just be better. Let's get on with the show. Today our guest is Dr. Taryn Fletcher. Dr. Taryn is a coach, author, and an educator on a mission to empower one million humans to boldly pivot into the leader they want to be and by doing the work that matters, and cultivating joyful and intentional inclusive workspaces. Dr. Taryn spent two decades transforming failing schools so she knows what it feels like to reach the top and still be held hostage by red tape, bureaucracy, and barrier after barrier. Today she helps closet change makers pivot into their most meaningful work through her brave leader program, and she's reached millions of readers and viewers through national publications and media like the 74, Smart Brief, and the Hekinger Report, where she's helped audiences solve complex problems within their organizations and life. Dr. Taryn is a proud mom of three, a TEDx speaker, and a lifelong believer in the power of taking bold, intentional action every day. Today we are going to talk about knowing when and how to handle pivots in your life and career. Let's jump in. Taryn, I am so excited for you to be on the show today because I think we're going to have a little bit different discussion than what we typically have on our episodes to get our leaders and our listeners thinking a little differently. And I'd love to start off with a story that you told me about where you were at a point in your life that you thought you had the future planned and things going on, and you had to make a pivot that was unexpected and had to be bold in your steps forward. And I'd love for you to start off and telling that story for our listeners.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

Yes, Stacey, thank you so much for having me. And I'd love to start there because I think there's so many women, leaders, um, individuals across the planet, really, who have um experienced a knowing. Um, and they've kind of based all of their life decisions on this idea of themselves. You know, I know I'm going to do this in life. This is the plan. This is how it's going to look. And it's beautiful on paper. And you then begin to live it. And then something happens and it rocks your world. And so for me, I was really in my dream job. Um, I was a uh top-level leader of a school district. I was loving my position. It was difficult, so it wasn't a cakewalk at all, but it was the work that I wanted to do. I felt most inspired to do. And it was now or never for baby number three. So uh we decided we were going to go for it, and we were so blessed that we did get pregnant. Um, and about 11 to 13 weeks into that pregnancy, um, we had decided to do the blood work that, you know, it was news to me because my my first child, there was no blood work to find out the sex of the baby at like 10 weeks um pregnant. But for me, I was like, I want to know all the things, I want to plan it correctly. I'm in my dream job, I'm at the top of my career. So everything has to fit, everything has to work as I envisioned. And as long as I am planned and organized and ready, it will be so, right? Um, but in that, in that blood work, we had a really critical conversation with our um doctor, and our doctor shared with us that our baby had Down syndrome. And there was so much joy and fear. And at this time in my life, it collided in big ways, where it really stopped me in my tracks. And both at the time, my husband and I, we had to figure out how we were going to collectively handle this news, what it meant for our family. And at that point, unfortunately, because we were overcome with fear, everything we thought about it was daunting and hard and negative at that moment. Um, the thing that kept running through my mind was this this wasn't the baby I envisioned. Um, and I know as a mother, that's really hard to say, but I think that is a truthful moment for many moms that you get in these situations or even in your life. This isn't the job I envisioned, this isn't the marriage I thought I was gonna have, this isn't the house I thought I was gonna live in, this isn't the country I thought I was gonna be in, right? Um, and it rocks your world because you had been preparing all this time for this moment that isn't anything like you expected. But there are so many gifts in those moments. And for me, it took me grieving the life that I had thought was mine and allowing for greatness to be on the other side, which was a journey of unexpected moments that would really turn my life around. This baby that would come into my life and give me so much purpose, far beyond my other children. I feel like every time I had a baby, I reinvented myself. But this baby gave me a purpose that allowed me to walk away from perfection. It allowed me to walk away from the idea that I had to fit in this box because I was being introduced to this beautiful experience, this family member that was coming into our lives that from day one had been given a diagnosis that was full of judgment, even from the parents that would raise him, right? Like we were even thinking, well, well, what is our life going to be like now? Well, when you are confronted with being uh the responsible people to raise a child who has already entered into a world where there was judgment and thought about their worth, you begin to look at life very differently because there is no uh value that is different on any one of my children, right? And every every parent can understand that, right? They're all worthy, they're all beautiful in their own ways, but they have very equal value. Um, and so when I realized that I was also judging the worthiness in some degree, I had to um really confront my conditioning that I had. I had a lot of conditioning around what it meant to be a mother, what it meant to be a career woman, what it meant to be um perfectly positioned in society. And that all needed to crack and change. And so I'm so grateful for those that moment in my life because it changed me and allowed me to begin a journey that was full of purpose and um full of adventure and and a business on the other side of that too, which we'll get into.

Fear, Grief, And New Purpose

SPEAKER_02 8:13

Yeah, we'll absolutely get into. And I I just want to say thank you for sharing your story. And there's so many wonderful pieces in that. And a couple of things is first of all, you talk about we have the knowing, right? I love that word. Like we we have a story that we tell ourselves, and sometimes we don't want to admit to that. Sometimes we're embarrassed by having that story. And what I love about what you said is you said some really hard things as a mom that you are being bold and saying, look, this is how I felt. And it's okay, it doesn't change how I love my children or how I go forward in life, but it's accepting what I what it was and where I was at that time and what I was gonna do about it. And so I just want to, I just want to say thank you for sharing that because that's not easy. And I think what's really important is you talk about when there's fear, everything seems daunting. And we can pivot that in so many parts of our life. So most of our listeners who are leaders or aspirational leaders, like when you think of fear at work or even fear at home in your personal life and how that affects everything else around you, and really just kind of pausing for a minute and saying, okay, what am I really feeling now? And what am I willing to say to myself, which you just told in your story? So absolutely beautiful and thank you for doing that. You're welcome. Thank you. Yeah. So let's talk about how this did pivot into your career and being bold and the things that you've done, um, and how that's, you know, how you help other leaders be bold. So can we talk a little bit about that?

Move With Fear To Act

SPEAKER_01 10:04

Yeah, I mean, and and even just to continue on that notion of fear that we can, everyone listening knows what that feels like and looks like. Something that helped me better understand fear and how to move with it. And I say with it because you'll hear a lot of different people say, you know, get rid of the fear, or they'll say things like, you know, fear doesn't live here. You fear that is absolutely not true. Even the most successful humans that you admire are fearing different things. They're just moving with the fear. They have learned to look at fear differently. Um, and that's what it takes to make bold moves. It's you being able to assess the situation you are in with clarity, with direction, with understanding of the things that you really want and what might be in the way and assess it in such a way that you can really label each of those barriers with some level of fear. And so, okay, if we are able to move with fear, what can I say about this fear that I'm feeling? Well, I feel it and it can it can morph into something that feels dangerous, like that that might be the label you want to give it. But when you assess the situation, if you're not in physical danger, if you're not in any kind of psychological harm, something that would put you in the hospital or something that would put you in um in a uh a situation where you're facing a mental breakdown, then it is fear that you can walk with. And over time, your muscle memory and your body will re-interalize that as something different other than fear. And so I had a lot of fear around whether or not I could manage the career that I had built and this new understanding of what my life might be like, because all the all of my understanding was without having even met my child at that time. And that's another thing to put in perspective. A lot of times we fear things before we've even met the challenge, right? Um, and meeting the challenge gives us a whole new understanding. When I met my son, almost every bit of fear that I had was eliminated. You know, we had new challenges, but everything that we had read, whether it be health conditions, whether it be um needs that I would have as a new mother with a child with a special need, these not all these things even applied to my to my situation. But I had built up a lot of fear. So in combating um what's needed to make bold moves, information is important, but also trusting yourself to know that, you know, in the event that I am faced with a challenge, I am equipped with knowledge, but I'm also equipped with just a knowing of myself that I can do something differently, I can move forward. Um, one of the stories I used to tell myself all the time is I'm an educator, I'm not a businesswoman. I know how to teach, I don't know how to run a business. Well, there's so many transferable skills in the things that we do every single day, whether you're working from home, whether you're inside a corporate environment, whether you're leading a top-level team, whether you're aspiring to do that. There are so many skills that we acquire or can acquire over time that can prepare us for the thing that we want next. But we often have this very narrowed view of what it means to be in the position that we desire to be. And that tends to build a lot of fear.

SPEAKER_02 14:23

Yeah, I love that. And and I just there's a couple things there. First of all, fear is one of those words, I love how you say to work with the fear, go along with the fear, but that may show up to you as anger, frustration, annoyance. And it's it's all the same. And that's why a lot with a lot of my clients, I pull out the emotions wheel. And when they say they're feeling angry or upset or scared, when you pull in that emotions wheel, you really can narrow down what is really getting to you. So you can then try to expand it and move along with it, like you were saying. Now, I do a lot of work with the subconscious and the conscious mind and the neuroscience. And when we have a high level of fear or anger, our when our emotions are kicking in, it is very difficult to get to the logical side to be able to move forward. And you know, you mentioned a couple things, like get the facts, right? Try to get the facts. But is there anything else that you could tell our listeners to help you get to that logical faster to you, your what I work call it as a whole brain state, where you're working with your emotional side and your logical side on both things? Because that can be really hard when we're super emotional. Like it's just as human beings, that's what happens. So any ideas there?

You Are Not Starting From Scratch

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Well, I I think there's an idea that'll come out of a scenario that we all can relate to. Uh, oftentimes when we're living a life that is prescribed, something that we have identified as being our picture of life from day one or from as early as we can remember. And then we are hit with this understanding that this life isn't exactly what I was thinking it would be. This feels like it can't be it, you know? We then start to say, well, but I can't start over. Right? Like, have you ever had that moment where you're like, but I cannot start over. So it is what it is. The truth is though, we're never just starting over from scratch. We are starting from strategy, we're starting from relationships, we're starting from reputation, we're starting from experiences, we are starting from a point that is not ground zero. It just never is. And so um in that scenario, there lies the emotional feeling and baggage of I'm starting over, I just can't, all this education, all this experience, all this time, all the degrees I put into this life that now no longer fits. I have to start over. That's the emotional baggage of that. The logic is you have so many skills, you have so many relationships that you can pull on, you have reputation, even if it's in a different industry. There are so many ways that you can take the person that you are deep inside and then take that foundation and re reintroduce yourself in this new lane that brings along all the skill sets that you have. To me, that is a great marriage of understanding how emotion and logic really need to be assessed so that you can make the next step forward and and build what it is that the life that you really see for you. It's that grieving part, letting go of what was to really see what is and what can be.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

If you choose to switch to the other side, it all blends together nicely. There's always something you can benefit from. And that's even personal to professional and vice versa, right? There's things in your personal life, as you talked about, right, that happened to you. And you leverage the be bold and learn how to pivot in your professional life too. And so it does all flow together and making sure that we're not uh separating it, right? And it's it can be very difficult. So I love that you bring that up.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

Yeah, I mean, and if we think of life as an evolution, right? It's when I go back to thinking about what I assumed about myself, that I was going to be in this career, I was going to have it forever, you know, in my mind, that that that made sense to me. But there's so much about me that and about us that will change and shift over time. Um, the lives that come into our orbit help to shift and change us, our children, our extended family members, our parents, right? There's so many of my friends that are a part of the sandwich generation where they're raising children and they're now supporting parents who are aging um and who need them to care from. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So to think that our lives would not uh evolve due to all of these unforeseen circumstances would just be silly, right? But that's exactly what it is that we do. We we like duh dig our hills into the ground and we become fixated on the past identity, the thing that we thought was our truth. And we have to assess where we developed that truth. For me, I was given that the identity that I would walk this well-warned path in education, and it served me. It was not a bad path to walk. Every bit of who I am or who I was as an educator is very much a part of the work that I do right now, the leadership skills that I gain, the connections, the relationships, the skills, they're very much sitting in my current life and in my current business. But it took me having to let go of the idea that this was the path I was going to walk because that's the path that I was told was best suited for me. It took me letting that go to really see an expansive world, a world that really has no ending unless I decide that it will end. So you talk about truth.

SPEAKER_02 21:58

Um, I'd love to hear from you. What do you think is one uncomfortable truth that leaders need to hear right now?

SPEAKER_01 22:04

I think one uncomfortable truth that leaders need to hear right now is that they absolutely need to trust themselves. And that is really hard to do right now. You have noise everywhere. You turn on the news, there's noise. You go into your social media feed, there's noise. Something, someone, some idea pulling you in. You get on the phone with your parents, and they have noise. They're bringing in their own anxieties because maybe they're watching the news all day and they've had a life that they have been able to see and they're worried about what's happening now. So there's noise there. You walk into stores and you see uh prices going up, or you you experience what the economy is now, and you're able to look back to what it used to be. There's noise. So it can feel uh overwhelming for even the most organized, well-positioned uh person in the world. But in those moments, I find it harder and harder and harder to trust yourself. Trust yourself with your money and your financial decisions, trust yourself with your goals, trust yourself to make the career moves and what you might feel like is a um an economy that you shouldn't really be bold and daring in, or perhaps you feel like you have to hold on to this career because who knows what will happen. You know, these are all the kinds of conversations that are all around us, but if you can feel the nudge, I want you to know the nudge is not going anywhere. And the nudge for you to do differently, to be bold, to experience the life that you really see for yourself, it's only going to knock harder and harder and harder. And as you ignore it, you're going to just get further away from the ease ability to make that step to walk into what's for you. And so trusting yourself is the only way you can you can kind of get to the place where you're supposed to be and we're really where you're being led to.

SPEAKER_02 24:28

What I love about that is to trust yourself, you have to know yourself. And really pausing and internalizing, okay, I'm hearing all these things and I'm seeing all these things, and some of it is close to me, some of it is not. Um, but how, what do I think? What do I know about this and what is important to me? I heard the other day someone say, look, our behaviors, our motives, our thoughts are really not our own because they're taught by our parents, our siblings, the people that we hang around with. And so knowing you for what you want versus what the people you're surrounded by are and what they want gets you to trust yourself. So I think that's a really great point.

Mindfulness That Builds Self Trust

SPEAKER_01 25:17

Yeah. Thanks for asking that question. It's so important to do that right now because also social media kind of narrows our communities and puts us more and more in community that can kind of perpetuate old ideas and old stories of ourselves. And getting that opportunity to step away, to be with yourself, to do your own self-work, to meditate, to step into that unconscious self, right? It allows you to do just that, to know yourself and then to trust yourself. And then from there, there are so many bridges that you can find toward the path that you're meant to be in.

Fun Questions And Fast Favorites

SPEAKER_02 26:00

Yeah. I love that. And I think just to add on, you know, it's really about mindfulness. And some people don't like that word. It can be overused. But but what that means is to know yourself is asking yourself questions. Like it could be as simple as I'm eating food. And before I eat or while I'm eating, like, okay, where'd this food come from? How what's this doing to my body? How am I feeling as I'm eating this? How is it tasting? What's the texture? Like, those are things of getting to know yourself. Like it sounds crazy to some people, I'm sure, but if you do that in all walks of life and all things that you're doing, like it can be huge for you to be able to get to that point and knowing yourself and then getting to trust yourself. All right, well, there's that sound. It's time for our fun questions. Are you ready for our fun questions? Yeah. Whatever they are. All right, great. Um, they're pretty easy. This is just what you think. So are you a coffee person or a tea person? Awesome, awesome. And what's your favorite tea right now?

SPEAKER_01 27:14

I am loving pineapple tea. Oh, I've never tried that. Yes, I've been drinking pineapple tea with just a little bit of honey. It's really tasty.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

I'm gonna have to put that on my list to try. I love it. Um, okay, are you more likely to send a text or leave a voice memo?

SPEAKER_01 27:32

Oh, I'm a voice memo girl. Oh my gosh. I I bet my friends listening, I can think of one right now who laughs because she she has a hard time with voice memos. She's more of a text person and she has a feature so that she can uh read my voice memos. But I I am a voice memo girl a hundred percent.

Where To Connect And Subscribe

SPEAKER_02 27:54

That's awesome. I actually don't work with too many people that do voice memos. Most people still do text that I work with. So I love that. Awesome. Well, Taryn, thank you so much for your time today and sharing your story with us. I think you gave our listeners some great insights and things to think about on how they can know themselves, trust themselves, and be able to pivot and live the life that they want to live. So really appreciate your time today.

SPEAKER_01 28:20

Thank you. Thank you so much. And I am really an approachable person. So anybody that wants to continue this conversation or really just get to know me because I'm really excited to get to know others in your audience. Um, please find me on LinkedIn. Um, Dr. Taryn Co. is my handle on LinkedIn. Definitely come find me and chat with me. Send me a DM.

SPEAKER_02 28:42

Awesome. Thank you, Taryn. And we'll absolutely put the contact information in the show notes as well for people to easily reach out to you. Appreciate it. Perfect.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

If you enjoyed the show, please go to LeadershipMoments Podcast.com to subscribe to the podcast or on your favorite player, as well as follow us on Instagram and LinkedIn.

SPEAKER_02 29:05

You can also send us a message on what you like and don't like or what guests you want us to have on the show.

SPEAKER_00 29:10

So until next time.

SPEAKER_02 29:11

This is Stacey Caster, and what doesn't challenge you won't change you.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

And I'm Tracy Ann Palmer. Be the change you wish to see in the world.