North and South | Parents discuss their different upbringings

What influences our parenting decisions? Kicking off the first proper episode of series 3, Emma and Elliot chat about their childhoods and recap some of the differences between them - a reintroduction to them as hosts and the show, but with new stories, fails, and experiences you haven't heard before! Particularly covering Emma's upbringing on a farm (cows and sheep), northern expressions Elliot doesn't understand, and how parenting has changed since the 90s. If you're new here, then hopefully this episode is a great one to get you up to speed!

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Unwind on sleepless nights to a wholesome mix of parenting, humour, and crafting. We’re not here to provide answers but to share our experiences, explore how parenting has changed, and build an online community of parents for mutual support.

A fun, honest and unscripted conversation between Emma and Elliot on non-judgemental parenting and millennial-based topics, as we relax on an evening doing a craft or creative activity. 

We are a project in partnership with The Kairos Movement and supported by The Methodist Church, of which The Kairos Movement is a part.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 2:00 Parenting Achievements
• 6:40 Start of the Conversation
• 25:45 Why we do the show segment
• 28:55 Back to the Conversation
• 41:25 Stories from Listners

Transcript

  So Emma, what are we discussing today? Well, we're doing like a get to know us, but more specifically our different childhoods growing up. 

This episode is called North and South. 

We're here once again to unwind and chat about parenting, sharing the struggles and celebrating the successes. You join us sat in our imaginary blanket fort. We've upgraded it with fairy lights for season three. Oh cute. Or as Lily calls them, twinkle stars.  Sounds quite nice, I wish we were sat in a blanket fort, really.

Anyway, it's time to grab a Rare Free Moment, and join us across the warewa err, bler, bler, warewaves? Oh, I thought it was the railways. In the railways?  In our little community, whether you have a baby, toddler, multiple children, or none, this is Don't Wake the Baby. It's nice just to be back chatting again about parenting.

It is, yeah, it's just nice for us to have a chit chat together sometimes. Yeah, if you don't know, if, when we're not recording this podcast, me and Emma, we just, we just don't speak to each other. We just wander around the house, ignoring each other. Never speak. We don't often have intentional conversations, do you know what I mean?

You just go through life and you have to like, catch conversation. And especially now, we've a very chatty toddler.  We try to talk about things. She constantly interrupts to add her opinion. Even if she doesn't really understand what we're talking about. She'll be like, Lily likes Elsa. And you're like, great. 

That's a lovely tidbit of information there. Thank you, Lily. We have a very opinionated three year old. Yeah. And, uh, for those who don't know, another one on the way. Well, she's occupied off at nursery. She is. And so we can grab a moment to, uh, record our little podcast. Yeah. 

Ba ding a ding a ding a ding! It's parenting achievement time! I made Pug jump. It's okay. It's just the crazy man who's your father.  We should maybe explain that now you've said that, that, um, because it's unnamed, we've called our unborn baby, uh, Pug. Yeah, so Lily, before she was named, was called Pop. Yep. Um, this one is called Pug Toy Name. 

Very glamorous names we give our unborn children. Yep.  Anyway, this is the segment of the show where we share what level of parenting we've reached, a relatable moment, or just generally a parenting fail. I thought less of the fail ones this time as our first episode back, but more kind of just catching up with children.

With where we are as a relatable moment, uh, time has moved on. Uh, Lily has passed three years old, like she's gone past her third birthday. So we have entered that phase where. We now have to pay for her. Yeah. For everything. Yeah. Like, she was free, everywhere. She was, yeah. Now, now she costs money. She costs money.

Everywhere you go. And she looks big. Yeah. For people who are like, oh, just like, she's a big three year old. Can't get away with being under three, really. She's just too tall. Yeah. Like, she's skinny, but too tall.  Some of my friends are like, oh, but my kid's little, it's fine. I'm like, no, when they're tall, I feel like we'd have to show, we'd have to prove that we'll pretend she wasn't that age.

But to be fair, it makes sense. For a long time, they're free and they don't really take up any space or, you know, particularly engage with a lot of the activities. I mean, in other ways, I think things are getting easier now that she's three. Yeah, definitely. It's been a while since we last were recording and sharing our little journey.

And in that time, I mean, some things have, we've had achievements. Yeah, we got rid of the dummy. Yeah, I know if you've been following us for a while, you'll know that that's something we were working on for a long time. Yeah. Finally managed to make it happen.  Because we kept saying before our second birthday, Oh, before she's two, there'll be no dummy, and that didn't happen. 

And then this time we were like, right, before she hits three, and it actually happened! Yeah, success! We actually did it! I mean, in many other areas,  Things have not changed and we are still failing at parenting.  Even though she's now three, she still barely wants to walk anywhere. Still wants to be carried everywhere.

Although I will say she does play her father for a fool in that. Now that mummy's got a baby in her tummy, obviously I can't carry her,  and she walks fine with me by herself. Yeah.  Great. But as soon as, um, Elliot's with us, he's like, Baba, carry!  So I would say she definitely knows what she's doing.  Yeah.

Because she's perfectly capable of warships. But she does the same with you, like, in terms of, like, she takes longer to go to bed with you, because she plays around, whereas with me she's like, Oh, well, I'll have to go to bed. It's bye bye. Whereas with mummy she's like, just one more book, and one more book turns to ten books.

Yeah. That we have on our mind. Yeah. We're still not very good at food. She still doesn't eat very consistently. Definitely doesn't eat very healthily. Masses of sugar. This is why, thank goodness, she's now going to nursery an extra day.  Because when she goes to nursery, the three days she goes, she eats healthy and she eats everything they put in front of her.

So, you know. I know it's a lot of money, but I think it's worth it in the grand scheme for her health.  And that she's actually going to be eating nutritious food. There you go, there's some updates on, uh, fails and achievements, the levels we've reached with parenting now that our toddler has crossed the three year old threshold and since you last were chatting away with us.

Where have you got to with parenting? How are you, do you resonate? Do other things the same? How, how do you find. Stuff just let us know we'd love to hear from you. This is a conversation So do get in touch on all the little places the social medias the things Just message us. Yeah, I'm sure you can work it out.

You'll find it Yeah, and stay tuned till the end of the episode. We usually try and share Stuff that people have sent in. I don't actually think we've got anything this week. I've got two funny stories. Oh, perfect. They're not sent in. They're just because I talk to my family every day and they all have children.

They're funny stories. Yeah, well, just join with us at the end. And don't skip to the end. You've got to listen through the whole thing. And then you can get the funny story 

Right forget driving to work. It's time to join us as we ramble on about whatever we're talking about today Yeah, where should we start from? Should we name our differences?  Differences. Yeah. I mean it's something we do a little bit of each episode the beginning. We usually Give a little thing about each other, about how we're quite different.

Uh, and, uh, this whole episode is kind of an extended version of that and, uh, recapping some of the stuff that's different about us and some of the different ways that we grew up and experienced our childhood and how that affects us as parents today. Yeah. As a kind of reintroduction to the podcast. If you don't like it, tough.

Be gone! Go listen to another one. Skip. Listen to the next one. It'll be more, more parenting. Shall we, uh, start with location wise? Oh, yes. I mean, it's probably obvious from the title of the episode, but, uh, where, where did you grow up, Emma? I grew up in the north of England, um, in County Durham. Yeah,  so I'm always very proud. 

This is the big difference between me and Elliot. I'm very proud of where I've grown up. Yeah.  I really couldn't care, could have been anywhere. This is an awesome thing. We are like inherently proud of where we live. Yep. Even if it's rubbish, we're like, oh, but we, we really like where we live. Big sense of community.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And specifically in County Durham, it's quite a big place. Yeah, well, so, outside of Barnard Castle, made famous by, um, The pandemic scandal. The pandemic scandal, Where Mr, what was he? You know, the uh, the eyesight guy. Cummings. Cummings. Cummings. Dominic Cummings. Somebody now, um, has a bread and breakfast called Cummings Corner.

Oh really? In Barnard Castle. That's a great idea. Yeah. That famous place to get your eyes tested. So it's a little market town, pretty rural. You weren't even in the town. I wasn't in the town, no. You grew up on a farm. Yeah. Um, I was pretty rural. Um, I mean, I was in a village. Village. It's quite a big village.

I, I always act like he's a townie, um, but he's, he's very countryside y really, it's just in comparison. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always think, you know, I was in Gloucestershire, um, well, on the border of Gloucestershire, Oxfordshire, Warwickshire, Worcestershire, like, Uh, yeah, my, my, my swimming club growing up was called the four shires, uh, because we're right on the boundary between four different counties.

I just made him think of all of the rings, you know. He grew up in the shire. Yep. There we go.  Uh, specifically we moved from, uh, Bloxham in Oxfordshire to Boughton on the Water and then to Stow on the Wald, if you're interested in the Cotswolds, there you go. And uh, yeah. Yep. It's fairly rural. I mean, it's like a big network of villages and towns and my village was like 3, 000 people, so pretty big.

Pretty big, yeah. I mean, people will laugh because some people will be in cities, but they're all 3, 000 people, pretty big. We're little country bumpkins, okay?  I was even smaller. Yeah, I mean, how far away was your neighbour?  I used to count in fields, so I've no idea.  I mean, more than half a mile. Yeah.  Yeah, you could see that so we had a trampoline you could see the other farmhouse of you jumped on the trampoline 

Love it. Yeah, I won't say but when you like You're like, oh, this farm and family, like, you know, that's from the surname. I won't say them because that's, you know, nobody's business. But blah, that's so and so's fields over there. And that way there's so and so's fields. And across from us is this farmer.

Yeah. So it makes for quite a different upbringing, uh, the location, but also, uh, Like, the fact that I was in the South and the fact that you're in the North is quite different. And then, of course, you have your big family. Yeah, big.  Um,  and I have just, just me, me by my lonesome. Aww. It wasn't sad, okay? It was a bit of a shock to the system, wasn't it?

Yeah,  definitely. So, if people don't know, I do have three sisters, because obviously I'm a quadruplet, but I also have two older sisters as well. So just to, and let's just say, we now all have children. Um, it's gone crazy. So my parents now have twelve children? I was listening back to an old episode, and I think we said twelve then. 

There's definitely been more since then, when we started podcasting a year ago. Oh, I mean, are we up to 14 now? Well, I have two great grandchildren now. Yeah. Which I don't know, do we add them to the grandchildren? And what about the unborn ones? The ones on the way? So for people who don't know, obviously we're due one and my sister's also due one.

So that's two extras. I mean, are we up to 16? It's just getting crazy. Yeah, it's getting a lot. Yeah.  And for people who know my mum, she just wants more. Yeah,  yeah.  Just goes around asking everyone, when are you having your next one? This may be a grandparent thing in general, but I think maybe at 16 that's enough. 

The uh, the Christmas parties are really getting out of control. They are, yeah. It's getting big. We're now hiring just the local, if people know Barney, the local church hall. Yeah. Is now where we have our parties because, We physically can't fit in one building really. Whereas my parents have, uh, one grandchild and will soon to be two grandchildren.

See for them, they're, they've doubled. Doubling. Yeah. Big deal. Yeah.  Um, how do you think it affects, uh, like how we grew up and how we parent today? I think one of the things is, I'm not saying I was deprived of like, We were pretty, you know, we never struggled for food or anything, but we're very conscious of costs.

So like, you're only allowed one glass of orange juice a day. Yeah. Because orange juice was expensive. Um, and stuff like that. So I'm very, it's almost gone the opposite in that I'm very, I'm glad that I can give Lily certain things, so I'm quite generous, in that I'm like, well, we can afford that, so, you know.

Whereas I think Elliot's more like, well, we don't want a spoiler. I think this is how I've ended up as the strict one. Yes. Because I had a very spoilt childhood. Yes, that's true. Like, anything I wanted. Yeah, you could have, yeah. By the time I was, certainly, early teens my parents had become quite wealthy, um, in the grand scheme of things.

I mean it didn't feel like it when you're down in the south because everyone was pretty wealthy where we were. Especially the bit of the south you were in. Yeah, yeah. Also like just generally like we had a lot of facilities so I find it baffling when you're up here that like there isn't A swimming pool in every village and town.

Or school. Yeah. I remember we were discussing this about, because I'm not a good swimmer and I'm generally quite scared, um, and I remember Elliot was like, well didn't you go swimming with school? And I was like, well with primary school, but we went like once a month because we had to go to the  main pool.

So that's an adjustment, isn't it? Yeah, I think everything's an adjustment, being up here, moving to the north. I mean, just, like, when we met at university in Aberystwyth in Wales, and even then, like, it was just such a foreign concept. Even the weather. The weather? I had no concept that it was cold. He always thought I was exaggerating, often, when, um,  I remember the A66, where there were those, you know, Big poles and I was like, oh, that's when it's really snowy.

Yeah. And he was going, oh yeah, funny. I was like, no, it's, it's true. Yeah. That's why you have these big poles, because when it's really snowy,  they like to show where the side of the road is. And he was like,  oh. Yeah, it still kind of amazes me now. Like, I was used to being really excited when we get just like, you know, a smattering of snow and I remember specific years.

I would say our attitude to weather is very different. Or was. Yeah. He's now on my team. Whereas when it snowed I'd be like, oh no. Like, I'd be so dramatic about it because we normally had very bad snow. Well, I've seen now, like, it's not uncommon for, like, snow to pile up, like, higher than the door for a lot of farmers.

And, like, you literally cannot get out the house. You can't get out. And I was like, wow.  Or it's like, everyone else went, oh, how nice, snow. And for me, it'd be like, oh. Oh no,  with the cows, their drinking water's gonna freeze. What are we, like, so you've gotta go with two buckets of water, and like, To, ugh, yeah.

It just makes everything a lot more complicated on a farm, and a lot of work. And for all the other kids, they're like, Yay! Snow! And I was like, No! Not snow!  Like, when you're really little, it is fun. But I always had the idea of how much work I knew it was gonna be. either getting home, being at home and looking after animals, like it just makes everything so much more complicated.

Yeah, and like even things like when we first met, like language, your strange northern expressions. Yeah, and I'm not, for most people, this is probably a southern northern thing. I never think I sound that northern because It'd be interesting to know, wouldn't it? Do people think you sound northern? Well, your family members who are southern think I sound northern.

Like the London contingent of my family. They always go, oh, you forget how northern you are. And I'm always like, am I? Like, I am northern, but I never feel like I sound that northern. No, I mean, I think because we know lots of people that sound very County Durham sound very Yorkshire. Where I lived, I didn't sound as Northern as the other people around me.

And I don't know why. I don't know if that's because I've had, like, because I've had to, because, like, my career has gone into languages, so I've had to tone down accents. Don't know. It is funny though, whenever we return to your family and get together, your accent does get very much more pronounced. And my sister, Kirstie, is still in Barney.

Her accent's a lot more Yes. Just expressions and phrases and words. Yeah. Uh, yeah. It's true. It's very funny. Do you remember when we, we first were dating and we used to have like, you'd like give me little quizzes about what do these  words mean and I'd be like, I have not a clue. So like scrag was hug, a croggy,  which is when you go on the back of a bike, um, a skeg so you have a look at something, have a skeg at this. 

Even things like lugs for ears. Yeah, lugs for ears. I forget. For me that just seems very normal.  Yeah. I'm just like, that's just what you call it.  On the farm, we'd be like, Oh, a sheep looks ill if it's like, lugs are down. If it's ears are down, that's not a good sign. It's a sheep. So when he was helping at lambing, you'd often say these things without thinking that you almost needed to translate lugs for ears.

Yeah. Was nithering a word I didn't know? Nithering. For cold, yeah. See, look. Even, even today, even now, I would say we still have a big problem with communication between the two of us. Yeah. And this isn't, I, some people cope and they're speaking different languages. Yeah, yeah. I would say, we're, we're not that far, we speak the same language. 

It is baffling. We country. Surprising that we can be talking to each other and somehow not understand each other because. I would rather just have to repeat what he said in English. In a northern accent. So I remember once he was saying mast. Is that how you say it?  Uh, yes, and I I was like sat there phrasing like you mean a mast and he went yeah, I was like, yeah got it  It shouldn't be that hard But I think because sometimes your brain isn't used to hearing it a certain way and then you just have like expressions that are like Uh, local to your family.

Oh, my family definitely makes stuff up. Your family have a lot of stuff that make, and even my family do. My family have made stuff up. Yeah, yeah. That is definitely not a thing. No. Um, I mean you have, uh, the twitch. Twitch. For like remote control. Which I'm pretty sure is not a thing anyone else uses. Let me know if anybody, if any other families call it a twitch.

I definitely I've not encountered anyone yet.  The big one for me that I've had to readjust to is, um, even now I, I, I don't know what's the normal word. Um, you know, like the, the kitchen towel stuff that you dry things with? Kitchen roll? Kitchen roll, yeah.  Like, oh, paper towel. Is that what people call it?

Yeah. Paper towel, yeah. Sure. Um. I can't, I think my, my, we, I grew up like calling it, what did I call it? Towel roll. Towel roll? Cause I remember it really threw me off before because you said, can I have some towel roll? And I was like, is that a towel? So we've done this before where you've like We've literally spilt something and one of us has shouted for it and like I've come in with like an actual towel  Or like then I've gone away and been confused and like it just we couldn't work out what we were talking about Then my family we have odd like my gran used to have this saying which was like show someone the gutter and they'll jump in it Okay, and I don't really know what it means she used to me like show people the worst and they'll do it Yeah, that's what I would interpret that to be.

Basically, and I don't know if that's the thing like I don't know if So we also have a phrase like a good natured cuckoo,  um, if someone's a nice person.  This is because my gran used to tell a story about how one cuckoo sounded really nice and one cuckoo sounded really nasty.  So now again, it'll come up in like a ton of praise, like, Oh, they're a good natured cuckoo. 

I think somehow, I don't know, is it the nature of your, you know, coming from a big family, you've kind of got a lot of inside  things that have just emerged from a chaotic family where people make stuff up and share stories and I think that's why it's hard stepping out of the realising nobody knows you. 

What you're talking about.  So my family,  especially with babies, would go, Oh, look at the little  shumbumpkin. And I, once again, thought maybe it was a northernism. Have never heard anyone else use that word. Um. But I, I kind of knew the word. But I remember we looked it up and we couldn't find any reference to it.

To anyone knowing what it was. There was like some Dutch kind of fish. Yeah. That was maybe a similar word.  And I don't know if I just can't spell schambumpkin,  but  it's a thing my family has always said and I just believed was a real thing. And now I have my doubts whether it is a word.  It'll be interesting though, because, you know, we've settled in Yorkshire, adopted a northern way of life, and it'll be interesting for, you know I mean, we are in the poshest bit of Yorkshire.

Oh, yeah.  It's probably my influence of like, I'll come to the north, but I'll only settle in the posh bits.  Like, not many people around us actually sound very Yorkshire. Yeah, that's a good point. And we're actually fairly urban for us. We are. Yeah, actually in a town. Yeah, what I was gonna say was be interesting to see with our children and with Lily how they Like how their language develops how you know what it looks like for them growing up my sister's children in Plymouth.

They sound very who are Yeah, like battery Like Carol, yeah  It's interesting. It'll be interesting. Where as I say, Lily sounds northern, but she's very like me, it's not a strong But then, where we live in Harrogate isn't a strong accent at all anyway. No, probably not. One of the other big differences between us is obviously that you growing up on a farm, you have a kind of relationship with animals and a kind of a perspective on life and hard work and doing chores and things that's very different to how I grew up.

Yeah. Um, so like, I have a lot of fears of animals. I don't like getting dirty. I've never really done a lot of hard work.  Manual labor, which is very different. Yeah. And it does make me, when she gets to a good age, I would, I'm very keen to give her chores.  Yeah. I think it does help to kind of make you independent and hardworking and, and also kind of just realize how hard a lot of the work your parents do is.

Yeah. So like,  Working on a farm you'd appreciate so much your time off, like, whereas other kids, they'd just be like, Great! I can do whatever I want today. Whereas, you know, you'd be like, Great! I've, like, worked all, like, most of the day. I have, like, two hours this afternoon. What should I do with my two hours?

Like, and I'm not saying, like, it was especially at lambing time and stuff that you'd basically be working all the time.  But it is funny, there's a picture of us when we can barely walk feeding lambs.  Um, and I was like, so from a young age, dad was like, go on, here's a ball, feed a lamb,  you can do it. Yep, involved in the family business.

Yeah, but no, this is why I also would quite like us once we've moved to get a pet. Yeah. Because I do think, Lily really likes animals and she's actually cautious in a good way at the minute around dogs. I'm quite pleased. I know it sounds silly, but I'm glad she loves dogs, but she's not. Overly confident, like she wouldn't just touch any dog, which I think's good.

Pretty healthy. Yeah. Unfortunately, she has inherited my dislike for getting dirty. She's a bit of a clean freak. Yeah, like me. Um, so yeah, that's, that's on me. That's on him.  It's true because as soon as she gets there, he's like, oh quick, I'll clean you and I'm like, no, leave her.  Yeah, but now she's become like him, clean!

I don't know that she'd be very well adapted to farm life. No, she'd like the animals. Yeah. She would not like the dirt. Yeah. Which as a parent, I often find ridiculous when she's thinking about being dirty. And I know I just have to put up with it and be like, she just doesn't like being dirty. But I'm like, come on.

I feel like we're already like those parents that are like, back in my day, when I was growing up. She's gonna hate it. Your mother had to toil away on the farm.  I had to help sheep give birth at your age. What are you doing sitting about the house? That's exactly what I'm going to be like. to be like, I hate hearing about the farm.

I hate you did so much work. It was nice that I got to, um, you know, when we were first dating, I got to see your farm before your dad retired. And you got help with lambing. And got to experience, like, what that looked like, and, and see, you know. And you're good, you got to help with the selling of the farm, like, you helped go to all the sales and get the sheep ready, and.

Yep, drive a tractor. Drive a tractor. It was good fun in a way. I mean, it's exhausting, but this is when you can tell you haven't grown up on it. It's very fun  Yeah, it's quite fun for me  Looking back on it. It was a very fun childhood growing around so many animals. I just don't think you appreciate it the time And I mean I did have cats growing up  The worst of the apples.

Ha ha ha. No offensive people like cats. Um, I don't mind them. I just think as a pet, I'd prefer a different one. But okay. It doesn't help that, um, I have quite a few allergies and like, particularly animals and like Um, animals with hair and stuff. I, I like have to take a lot of antihistamines,  which is a bit frustrating.

So yeah, it'll be interesting to see what we do when it comes to pets. 

Don't Wake the Baby is a podcast  brought to you by Me and Emma, but also we are in partnership with the Kairos movement, which is a organization within the Methodist church. And we're very grateful to both of those for letting us be able to, to do this endeavor and, uh, have a lot of fun chatting with each other and with you guys.

And, uh, yeah, it's how we're able to do this through the support and, uh, kind of financial backing of, um, the church. And so we do like to every episode, give a little. Little segment here in the middle where we just kind of promote what we're up to and what we're doing We're kind of you know, we're a bit religious, but maybe not in the way that is stereotypically seen as religious Yeah, we're not judgy.

Yeah, not at all. We have pretty wacky views. Yeah recently I've been getting all wacky over on Instagram, um, so,  if you want to follow what If you want to hear people calling Blasphemous, get over there. Yes, I'm very heretical, is that the word? Yeah, yeah it is, yeah. There you go, um, I don't believe a lot of stuff, I believe a lot of stuff that's Pretty, uh, non Christian traditionally.

And, uh, yeah, I share a lot of that on Instagram if you're interested in, in finding out more about that. Um, but otherwise this show isn't particularly, uh, you know, religious or, you know, you don't have to be a Christian, you don't have to believe in God or anything to be part of our community here.  We just kind of share that as, you know, you getting to know who we are because it is part of our, Of us.

Part of who we are. And uh, we like to be honest about everything in our lives as we are with parenting. So that's kind of what we're up to.  Um, if you want to find out more about the Kairos movement, which is a kind of a place where we, call home in terms of church, uh, in terms of connecting with other faithy based people, um, and have conversations about all sorts of stuff.

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So Emma, do you think there's things that?  In the way you grew up That you want to do differently with Lily or are there things that you grew up with that? You're very keen to be like, yes I want to I want to introduce Lily to that a bit of both so I know and it wasn't my mom's fault But she would lose her temper a lot.

I mean there was four of us about to happen, but I remember as a child You I was an older child thinking it was very unreasonable, um, um, so now I really try and temp, like, temper my temper.  So that's, that intendingly makes sense. Manage? Yeah, especially in my current state, because I know when I'm pregnant I have much less patience than normal.

I mean, I do too, because I'm super tired just trying to hold everything else together in the house. True.  So I'm very aware sometimes I have to be like, is this a appropriate response to the behavior she's shown? Which sometimes hard because sometimes I'm like, but I'm I'm past the point. I think this applies around all sorts of things really where, you know, if you're, if you're new here and just getting to know us, we're quite into all the sort of,  for want of a better word, like hippy dippy parenting stuff.

Yeah. To a certain extent, um, you know, I think parenting, the trends have changed quite a bit since we were young and some of what we experienced as millennials growing up just kind of generally not, you know, not specifically aimed at our parents exactly but a lot of us are quite into various versions of gentle parenting, of Montessori style education, of creative play and ways of discipline.

Because forest school's really big and I'm like well that was very similar to my upbringing in a lot of ways because obviously I was outside a lot. Like. That's true. There's a lot of things that are very similar, but I'm very conscious of  remembering when I thought things were unfair and trying not to be unfair. 

Which is hard as a parent, because sometimes  I'd be like, well why can adults do this and I can't? And sometimes you're like, but adults just have, sometimes have separate rules. And that's something you can't really get around. I fully agree. I, I definitely had a sense of that as a child that things were, didn't feel just.

Yeah. Um, but I think, again, these days there is more of a focus often on parenting, you know, involving children in the decision making process. Yeah. So even though sometimes you have to be firm about things, you help them. The chill, you know, your children understand why we're doing it. Yes. You know, it reminds me of a lot of bluey episodes where they've, they've focused time and time again on trying to like through different games,  you know, explain what, why are we doing it?

Setting these rules, you know, like the Tina episode or, um. And this is what's good about the age Lily is now. She has a lot more understanding of consequences. So like, well, if you don't do that, you will be very cold.  And you could see her think about it and go, okay, I don't want to be cold. I think that's, again, another difference.

Like, I feel like, generally speaking, when, when we were younger, um, in the 90s and 2000s, there was more of a sense of, you, like, parents would just, they would do what was best and they would enforce those rules. Like you say, if you, if it was cold, you'd be like, well, you're wearing a coat. Yeah. Whereas these days, Maybe there's more of a sense of, you let your children make their own mistakes.

Yeah, I think that's true. It's better for them to learn that by themselves. You know, like, if Lily didn't want to wear a coat, we'd take one with us, but we'd let her go out without a coat. Yeah, true. And then when she found she was cold, it's like, there you go. You know, whereas we wouldn't have a big fight and be like, you have to wear a coat.

Yeah, that's true. This is controversial. We still do do timeouts sometimes. But honestly, I think it's A, because often I need a break, or Ellie needs a break, and B, often she just gets so, so like Wound up. Wound up. And even if you do hugs, she just won't. Yeah. Whereas if she takes herself off and sits for a little bit, she just calms herself down.

Maybe again, maybe that's another, like, trend thing in terms of where we are with parenting, how it's done. It's different  in that we're a lot more aware of looking after ourselves as parents. Yeah, I think that's true. Like, almost, we're doing timeouts not necessarily for Lily's benefit, but to allow us to just have those few minutes to decompress so that we can actually handle the situation better.

Yeah. Um, we're quite fair, she can put us in timeouts. She puts me in timeouts timeouts a lot. She keeps, at the moment, she keeps going, Baba cheeky, timeout, I'm like, what have I done? I've done absolutely nothing. I've just looked at you and she's like, Baba chinky, time out! You're in the bad books a lot recently.

Yeah. I don't know why. Just can't, can't do anything.  Lets people know where we're coming from with stuff, but you don't have to agree with us as with everything. And you don't have to do that, like if you have the patience to cope without having a moment to wait, that's great.  Yeah. It's just we don't often have that patience.

And I'm like, I don't want to yell. Um, cause we're very good, we don't really shout, um, but I try, I try and make a thing of it being like, I don't want to shout. I want to speak calmly, try and get her calm. So we're both in the same boat. Um, I mean, that's where we are now. Um, I suppose then moving ahead, thinking about the future, uh, again, about where we've come from in our upbringings and different perspectives on life, um, there's all sorts of new challenges we're likely to face as, as our children get older.

Yeah. More recently, you know, we're, uh, if you've been a long time listener, you'll know we've been, uh, house hunting and trying to buy a house, uh, and so that's a big challenge when we, we've had different upbringings in terms of, uh, like money and rooms and like, what do we want in a house?  I think because I grew up with less money, I'm basically happy with anything.

Um, in that I'm just like, I just, it'd just be lovely to have a house, you know?  I'm just very picky. And he's very picky because he grew up in quite a big house with like, multiple bathrooms and things. But now of course like we we've got uh we'll have two children and um like for you growing up um you were quite used to like sharing a room with one of your sisters um whereas for me as an only child and with multiple spare rooms I always had a room to myself so again it's kind of different.

Well it's even us discussing um because Touchwood we're in the process now of buying a house, but. It was a thing I was like, oh, well, the kids will share the room at a certain point, and then it's like, they're gonna share a room.  I really enjoyed sharing a room.  And I was kind of like, that was a really nice thing in childhood for me.

So I envisaged that for Lily and her future sibling. Yeah. Well, I like it too. A lot of stuff I've kind of come round to your way of thinking. I think it's sometimes you just didn't consider it. It's not that you were against it. Yeah, not at all. Thank you, everyone. Like, in your head, that's just not how things worked.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. And like, I, it will be a, a, a different, you know, adjustment for me getting used to, like, having multiple children as an only child. Yeah. I don't have an experience of what that looks like in terms of how we do stuff. Growing up, I, I obviously had to share, and I, Mum was very good, like, if it's your toy, you don't have to, but it's a choice.

But I'm very thing with Lily, being like, if you have a guest around, They can't have their special toys, but you have to share. Yeah, you have to be reasonable. You need to share your toys Yeah, I think we're quite similar on that front in some ways and I think part of that's because Again, if you're not familiar then both of us have slightly older parents compared to a lot of people our age kind of Almost a generation above where Yeah.

A lot of parents are because, well, you know, our parents had us later in life. They did. Yeah. Um, not actually that out of the normal these days, but No, for these days because mom definitely back in, my mom had us at 39, 38 mm-Hmm.  My mom was 37. Yeah. Um, which once again, nowadays isn't actually Yeah. That abnormal.

Most of the grandparents we know are a generation younger, like, for people our age. I think it's just, like, some of the values and stuff that we grew up with, I think our parents were stricter. They were stricter, yeah. Than a lot of our, our friends maybe, um, just, well, get the impression chatting to other people, they've kind of, yeah, we have, we have that.

Had slightly slightly kind of strict and again, maybe it's just because again the kind of country bumpkins and yeah more traditional values I don't know. No, I think that's true. And it's definitely in that way  My parents would view like our children is quite spoiled Yeah, and in that we're not as strict as they were And like my parents still did smacking like when we were little Wow.

Yeah. Yeah, like so it wasn't really  You know, it was just like that was the norm. Yeah. And once again, I'm like, I think it wasn't hard But it's still something I wouldn't I don't think like I would demonstrate clearly. So it's just a generational difference I think whereas that was that's how you stop a child from doing something 

A big difference for between the two of us like You, you were in one house your entire life. It was your family home, the farm, you know, that was where you grew up and stayed until your dad retired. Yeah, yeah. Whereas for me, we moved around like several times. Not as much as a lot of people, but you know.

Yeah. I have experience of moving house and uprooting and going to a different place and changing friends and stuff. Yeah, I think I used to be more anti moving than I am now. Yeah. Um. In that,  I think I almost lived in a bubble where I was like, but I want us to have a home that's forever.  And now I'm much more, I want us to have a home that's forever, but if our jobs were suddenly to change or better opportunities came along, you know, it would be better for the family, I'd be willing to move.

Anyway, I think all of that said, it kind of highlights how we've come from different backgrounds, we've had different upbringings, different locations, different kind of financial things, and yeah, and like, but in a lot of ways similar values, but we've, we've met in the middle and compromise now on stuff, and it's true, you know, we're fairly in agreement in how we raise Lily, yeah, um, but it's just, you know, quite interesting as two different people that we Have like different  things that influenced our lives and that kind of is what's a big influence on What some of the topics with our podcast and our parenting and that's what's kind of the background context Uh for hopefully what makes our show quite interesting.

Yeah,  sometimes I feel like my family sounds like one of those, you know, like  In a book, one of those weird historical families where they have strange words and things.  I think I've mentioned before on a podcast, but definitely like when I met you, my, in my mind, like you were like the Weasleys from Harry Potter, chaotic, little poor family in a crammed into a house. 

And I was like, this little kind of lonely, only child kid. Yeah, like our house was kind of, I'm not saying it was falling apart, but we always had a leak in the roof when it rained. So like, we had a bucket in the kitchen. Yeah, I can't say I ever grew up with a bucket in a kitchen to catch the drips that came through the ceiling.

And the only time it rained really bad, which if you lived where we lived, was fairly frequently, and it was only in the kitchen. They would get his drip cup and put it on the roof. Because I remember at one point, I was like, well that's the bucket, that's the drip bucket. The drip bucket, yeah.  And weren't there things like, you couldn't like, flush toilets or something?

Yeah. Or like, there was some electrical thing where if you turned something on. So if some of the taps were on, you couldn't flush the toilet.  Um, and if you turned the lights on in the dining room, the doorbell wouldn't work. Laughter. It's what I mean by, we weren't poor, but it was definitely like a, we definitely weren't rich.

We only had things we couldn't afford to fix them, so it was like a cobble job of how to do it. But I loved it, it was like, so much character in your family, you know, so many stories, it's wonderful.  Right. It's the end segment time, uh, where we're, we're approaching the end of the show. If you're watching on YouTube, you've, uh, got to see how the craft has gone.

And if you're joining us in the airwaves, you get the treat of some sort of parenting story or comment or something someone has sent in that we like to share, um, back. And, uh, do you have something for us this week, Emma? This is from Becky, the sister in France,  her youngest currently Isaac, because she is another one the way, and how he started like making up phrases or words when he can't remember what the word is.

Okay. So this morning she said he really wanted an apricot from the fridge, but he couldn't remember the name apricot in French or English because he speaks both. Yep. Um, so he kept pointing to the fridge and be like, I want to. I want to and then he sat and thought about it and he said a friend of the apple And he was like a friend of the apple he was like yes, it's the apple's friend  And she got she got his apricot.

Yeah, it's wonderful what toddlers come out with sometimes isn't it? Um, I feel like we're just entering that phase where Well, if you have any stories, um, or tips, or comments, or things, uh, from this episode, do let us know. If you'd like it to be featured on an episode, we'd love to hear from you. If you don't send us anything in, then Emma will come and pester you and get a story from you.

Uh, for a future episode. I'm good at pestering people. So look out for that. Um, yeah, yeah. If you're, if you're a listener, even if we don't know you, if we have no way of contacting you, Emma, Emma will find you. I could turn up on your doorstep. Yep, Emma will come and say, we want a story please. Thank you very much for joining us in the Blanket Fort here.

Um, go back to whatever you were up to, sleeping, driving, cleaning, washing, babying,  And, um, until next time, when we will be chatting about something else, I have no idea what, maybe it's already out, maybe it's still to come, go and have a look, go and have a, have a click click, sleep well,  God bless!