Episode 26: Job Search Mindset: Don’t Let Rejection Define You

A job search often looks tactical from the outside—resumes, interviews, networking, and applications. But underneath all of that is something far more powerful: the stories we tell ourselves.

In this episode, Jodi and Judy explore the mindset traps that quietly sabotage many job searches. From interpreting rejection as a personal failure to believing you must apply to every open role, these mental myths can drain your energy and derail even the strongest strategy.

Drawing from their work with job seekers, they unpack the psychological patterns that surface during uncertain times and share practical ways to reinterpret what’s happening so you can stay intentional, confident, and resourceful throughout the process.

This conversation goes beyond job searching. The same mindset patterns show up whenever we face uncertainty, rejection, or big goals—and learning to recognize them can change how we show up in every area of life.

In This Episode

Jody and Judy discuss several common “mindset myths” that derail job searches, including:

• Myth #1: If I were good enough, I’d get hired faster
• Myth #2: I need to apply to everything
• Myth #3: If they haven’t responded, it must mean something bad
• Myth #4: Networking feels fake and inauthentic

They explain why these beliefs are often interpretation problems rather than reality, and how shifting from worth-based thinking to fit-based thinking can dramatically change how you approach opportunities.

What You’ll Learn

• Why job searches trigger identity, vulnerability, and self-doubt
• How rejection and silence often have little to do with your qualifications
• The difference between a scarcity mindset and an intentional job search
• Why networking isn’t about asking for a job—it’s about curiosity and connection
• How the meaning you assign to events determines your energy and next steps

Rapid-Fire Questions They Tackle

• Should you follow up if a company hasn’t responded?
• Does rejection mean you interviewed poorly?
• Should you lower your standards just to get a job?
• What if you don’t feel confident networking?
• Is mindset enough to land a job?

Key Takeaway

You can’t control everything that happens during a job search—but you can control the meaning you assign to it.

The events themselves are often neutral. The story you tell yourself about those events is what shapes your energy, your confidence, and your next move.

A Simple Challenge

This week, pay attention to the story you tell yourself when things don’t go your way.

Ask yourself:
Is this story draining me… or supporting me?

Because the story you choose will shape what happens next.

Transcript

Jodi: [00:00:00] That rejection is just gonna happen. This is something that happens in a job search. Don't let it define you. Don't let it define your worth because that's not what it's about. Don't confuse those things. 

Judy: You're not behind, you're not late. You're in the process and it is a process, and the energy you bring to that process matters much more than you think.

Jodi: Welcome to the In Your Head podcast with Jody and Judy, where we're all about helping you get out of your own way. Our focus is on your mindset and helping you remove the mental roadblocks you've created so that you can unleash your potential and get more out of life. 

Judy: Welcome back to In Your Head, the podcast where we explore the thought shaping your energy, your decisions, and ultimately your results in life.

Today we're talking about something that looks quite [00:01:00] tactical on the outside, but is actually deeply psychological underneath, and that is job search. 

Jodi: Job search, so Yeah. Yeah. Most people think about job search and they think about their resume and networking and how they're going to interview, and obviously those things matter, but what really can derail people, it's the stories they start telling themselves when they're going through this process.

Judy: Yep. Yeah. You and I, Jody, we work with a lot of clients who are unemployed and going through a job search. So this is something that, you know, is kind of, uh, close to my heart. I imagine it is yours too, and what we're gonna share on the episode today, but some of the stories that come out that people are telling themselves when it comes to job search is, if I was good enough, I'd get hired faster, right?

Jodi: Yep. 

Judy: I need to apply to everything. This is a big one. Big one. You know this. So many people applying to hundreds of jobs right now. 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: Networking feels [00:02:00] inauthentic. It feels fake. It feels vulnerable. I don't wanna do it right? 

Jodi: People hate 

Judy: it. Um, if they haven't responded, this must mean something and that something is a negative, right?

Must mean I'm not qualified. I'm not good enough, right? 

Jodi: Yeah. So really a job search isn't just a strategy problem, it's how we interpret things. So it's really an interpretation problem when we start going through all these. Questions, and you know, these things that derail us, we've got an interpretation problem, right?

Judy: Yeah. 

Jodi: So today we wanna unpack kind of the mindset myths, and these are the myths that we have designed. We have come up with ourselves. They're the myths that we hear over and over, and they really quietly sabotage your search. So we wanna unpack 'em because we want you to be able to stay resourceful and.

Intentional and use that intentional energy instead of being in survival mode when you're going through a job search. 'cause this really isn't just about getting hired, but it's also about how you [00:03:00] show up in uncertain times. 

Judy: That's right. 

Jodi: Right. 

Judy: And certain times in general. So it's not even, it doesn't even have to what we're talking about really.

Reflect directly on a job search. It can be with any goal or anything you have going on in life. When you feel that uncertainty, you can just change a few words around. In some of the myths we're gonna talk about, and it will apply to you because it's, we're all humans, you know, you and I have the same problems, obviously in the same things going on in in our brains in terms of those.

Myths or those stories that get told in our own heads. Right, 

Jodi: right. So before we jump into myths, let's talk real quick about why job search hits so hard. Because it is truly one of the times like we work again with a number of people that are going through job search and it's pretty universal. I mean, it is just a time when you go through a lot of vulnerability, insecurity, and it, a lot of it has to do because we think about our job in terms of our identity.

Judy: You 

Jodi: know when you have a job title, and I had one recently [00:04:00] who was in a, you know, long-term VP role and suddenly is without work, had been at a company 20 some years, like that was her entire identity wrapped up in that role. 

Judy: Yeah. 

Jodi: And trying to step away from that and avoid the pitfalls and some of these myths, like it's been really, really difficult.

I think again, it activates that identity crisis kind of, it blends the feeling of rejection. You feel like you're being compared, there's a real lack of control. Yeah. And those are just things the brain doesn't like. 

Judy: Yeah. I mean, these are the things that none of us like, and then we tend to make up those stories in our heads about why these things are happening or what this means for us.

Really, you know, one thing that really works is to understand that this is what's happening behind the scenes, but we actually do have more control than we think. 

Jodi: Yeah, 

Judy: yeah. But what happens is, you know, when we are in the mode of that lack control and, and the regrets that we're getting, the rejections really can trigger us and take us to a [00:05:00] different energy level.

Some of the things we've talked about in prior episodes, those saboteurs, those, you know, ways of labeling, the different types of thoughts that we have. Some things that come up that. People actually even tell me, I feel like an imposter. 

Jodi: Yeah, 

Judy: right. 

Jodi: That 

Judy: imposter syndrome can come up big time. Certain parts of a job search, 

Jodi: well, it's that I'm not qualified.

I'm really not qualified. They start thinking that, yeah, that is totally the imposter. 

Judy: Yeah. Like who I think I am in putting myself out here this way or saying that I'm. I'm doing all these things. It's hard sometimes for some of us to talk about our value and what we bring to the table. 

Jodi: Mm-hmm. 

Judy: Hyper achiever is another one.

I need to try harder, I need to do more. I need to apply to, you know, 200 jobs next week. Right. 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: The avoider, I don't even wanna look. This is so challenging. This is something that can really come up with victim as well, that victim energy of, you know, we take up so many beatings and then we just have to kind of go away and not, and not do anything.

The pleaser. What do they want me to be? So let me just, I'm a chameleon. I [00:06:00] can be anything. 

Jodi: Big one. 

Judy: Very 

Jodi: big. Yeah. 

Judy: So, so very quickly we can find ourselves dropping into that sort of survival energy. It can feel like, you know, instead of do they want my skills, the question comes out is do they want me?

It's very personal, right? 

Jodi: Yeah. And that's what I think right there is what makes it such a heavy. You know why it hits so hard. So, okay. Let's jump into the mindset myths that these are the things that really can quietly drain your en energy, and let's talk about how we might be able to reinterpret them a little bit.

So yeah, myth number one that we hear often. If I was good enough, I'd get hired quickly. 

Judy: Mm-hmm. Yeah. This one cuts really deep because it's like we were saying before, it's, it's that at certain level, it's personal, right? Mm-hmm. We, we take a very, which is natural, you know, whenever you're putting yourself out there and you're getting a, a rejection or a re regret letter.

I mean, of course we're gonna feel that in a certain way, but it's [00:07:00] what matters next. What you do next is what matters here. 

Jodi: Yeah. And we know that hiring decisions are rarely about your worth. They really aren't. There's just so many other factors involved. It's about timing, it's about budget shifting.

Sometimes the internal candidate already had the job and they posted it in anyway. There's all kinds of organizational politics. There's changing priorities that come up, you know, in the midst of the process. So most rejections truly aren't performance based. 

Judy: They're really not, they're not about qualifications.

I, I've worked with so many people who are highly qualified for roles they're applying to in today's job, job market, there's just saturation of candidates who are applying to roles. So that's another thing that can be coming up in this type of market. And when we make it, make those things about our worth, right?

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: We drop it, as we said, into that victim energy and we, we stop taking action. We shrink, we second guess ourselves. We overcompensate, we get [00:08:00] overwhelmed. And so it's just a reminder to yourself, no, rarely means you're not capable. 

Jodi: Mm-hmm. 

Judy: It, it really means you're not the right fit right now, or it's just an example of, you know, circumstances beyond our control that we talked 

Jodi: about.

Yeah, exactly. If you can shift that thinking from worth to fit. 

Judy: Yes. 

Jodi: Just that it's not the fit right now, that can truly change everything. So. Just something to think about When those nos stack up, then another story starts creeping in, which leads us to myth number two, which is I have to apply to everything.

Right. And that's just scarcity talking. 

Judy: Yep. Right. Scarcity. Yeah. And it's normal in this kind of market to feel that feeling at times to feel, and especially with people who are not employed. And have a timeline. They have a sense of urgency, right? Mm-hmm. Just so many reasons why we go there, right? Yeah.

And it's [00:09:00] completely normal Yeah. To go there. 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: But it's a matter of, is this how I want to be looking at my search and is this the kind of energy that I want to have, and is this kind of energy's gonna bring me results? 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: So when you are applying from that place of fear, let's say you're sending out applications and you are moving through your job search in that way.

That desperation, that feeling that you carry inside is actually gonna show up on the outside. 

Jodi: Mm-hmm. 

Judy: In your actions and how you show up, how you present yourself, your body language, how you know, even your voice. It can show up in that. 

Jodi: Yeah. People can feel that, you know, I think when you're, when you're talking to people, when you're interviewing, and I feel like that desperation can repel, you know?

Whereas if you have clarity and you're being very intentional, it's way more attractive. 

Judy: Absolutely 

Jodi: it's gonna yield you weight greater results. So it's really about being aligned with the role being way more [00:10:00] powerful than just, these are all the roles that are available. You know, and I tell people this every day, it's not a numbers game, you know?

'cause I'll have people show up and say, oh, I sent out 50 resumes in the last couple days, and it's like throwing spaghetti at a wall. You know, so you don't have to apply to apply to everything. 

Judy: Right. Guess that's actually a targeted search one where you have, you know, a role that you're going for. 

Jodi: Yeah.

Judy: And you're, you're, you've got your positioning statement related to that role. You know, what problems you solve, the employee the employers have, or hiring for that role. Everything gets easier and that's, this is what we call intentional. 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: Right. Intentional job search at this point. 

Jodi: Yes. You don't need to be everything.

Right. You just have to be clear. 

Judy: That's right. That's exactly right. 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: So that brings us to myth number three. And it is they haven't responded, so that must mean something. [00:11:00] And we talked about this one early on in, in this episode, that must mean something, usually means something bad. We're assigning meaning something negative to that, right?

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: And this is where that interpretation spiral begins, because that silence is very loud. 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: Right? 

Jodi: Yep. But silence, I mean, if you look at silence is just like, it's neutral. It means nothing until you assign meaning to it. 

Judy: Mm-hmm. 

Jodi: Right? So rather than, it's almost like, rather than tolerating uncertainty, your brain would rather just create a painful story.

And that's not helpful. That just doesn't help. So it. 

Judy: Yeah. I mean, our brains are wired for that, right? Yeah. Because they're wired to keep us safe. And so our brain will tell us things, you know, when we're trying to put ourselves out there, for instance, we'll say, no, no, no. Stay in your lane. This is where it's safe, you know?

And that used to work for. Early, early, early humans. Right? 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: But it doesn't really serve us. Yeah. But it's still there. It's still [00:12:00] a function of, of being human, and so we just have to be aware of it. Yeah. So that we can, we can step in and try to choose how we wanna view and perceive what's happening and how we want to take actions with it.

Jodi: Yeah. So instead of. Automatically going to the, I must have bombed. I just bombed. 

Judy: Yeah. 

Jodi: You know, bombed, or they were impressed, or whatever it is you tell yourself. It could just mean they're busy, you know, they haven't gotten back to you because they're busy. Or maybe there was an internal candidate and they couldn't tell you that maybe the role did shift.

Maybe they paused the hiring. There's a million ifs. Yes. And again, you just have to, it's just data. It, it, silence doesn't, it's not the verdict. Yeah. You just have to take it for what it is and wait it out. So I'd say, you know, follow up once or twice. So when you haven't heard, that's another question we get asked often is like, should I just sit and wait?

Well, no, you don't have to just sit and wait, follow up once or twice. Like I think being persistent is also a sign of [00:13:00] professionalism. It's not desperation. Obviously, you're not gonna call every day or every week. Follow up once or twice. And I think that's safe. I think it 

Judy: preserves your dignity too, when you know, I've talked with so many people and I read about it on LinkedIn all the time, where people will go through, and this is today's job market.

Jodi: Mm-hmm. 

Judy: People will go through seven rounds of interviews and then get ghosted. 

Jodi: Yes. I 

Judy: met with last. That happened too. And so just also understand it's horrible and it's happening to others. It's not just you. It has nothing to do with you. 

Jodi: Right, 

Judy: right. You're not getting selected for that role. But don't make it mean more.

Don't make it mean. Don't make it mean that you, you suck as a candidate. Right. Vent about it. Talk with, talk with your friends and family and your coach. 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: Get it out because it's real, it's energy. It's disrespectful. There's no sugarcoating that. Yeah, it's, it feels disrespectful because it is. 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: And then we gotta, we gotta move on.

We gotta pick ourselves back up and we gotta say, okay, this is gonna get, what is this? What is this teaching you? [00:14:00] Maybe there'll be a different questions you'll ask during that next interview process. Right, right. Or maybe, you know, again, following up once or twice with the folks that you interviewed with in a kind way, in a professional way, is a way of alerting them that, Hey, you haven't reached out to me yet.

Yeah. And I'm over here still waiting for an answer and what's going on. Yeah. So, and then just move on. 

Jodi: It really is. I mean, it's a sad state of affairs, but that's just what we've come to. And I think recruiters, hiring managers, they're inundated. Yeah. And it isn't, it isn't professional. It's not right. But you just don't have any control over it, so No, it is what it's, yeah.

Judy: What's myth number four? 

Jodi: Oh, this is a big one. We get this one every day too. Networking feels fate. It comes up constantly. Really, it does feel uncomfortable when you think about it as meaning, please help me get a job. You know, if that's how you interpret networking. But that's not networking. 

Judy: No, I mean, networking brings up, kind of elicits these, that sense [00:15:00] of vulnerability as you're talking about, that sense of being in inauthentic, not genuine.

All kinds of negative connotations come to, to people's brains. 85% of the people I work with do not like networking. They don't wanna network. And, um, some of them just don't. But in this job market, we really need to, that's how people are landing interviews. So it's, it's about how else can we look at this?

How else can we look at networking? 

Jodi: Well, I, I think about it as being more about curiosity. So I tell people this all the time, like, you're not calling somebody to get rescued. You're not calling somebody to say, help me get a job. You're calling somebody to find out about. Maybe it's a company you're interested in, so you're reaching out to somebody that works there and you wanna know how did you get hired there, you know, what, can you any, any advice you could tell me?

What's it like working there? You know? Mm-hmm. It's, it's getting those informational interviews, you know, talking to people to just learn. And it's really about enlightening yourself and trying to learn as much as you can. The other thing, [00:16:00] you and I were laughing about this. I tell people this all the time.

They'll say, I don't wanna reach out to somebody because I haven't talked to 'em in five years or 10 years. Yeah. You know, I used to work with them and my, my comeback is always, so you haven't talked to 'em in five or 10 years. What's the worst that can happen? They don't talk to you again, like you haven't talked to 'em in five to 10 years.

So oftentimes people are actually excited to hear from somebody they used to work with. 

Judy: That reminds me of a article I read recently. There was a survey that it referenced where. It was, I believe job seekers were filled out the survey about how they would feel if someone had reached out to them. It was on a job search and they hadn't talked to that person in 10 years, and they said, oh, it would be lovely to hear from so and so.

Right. Then they asked the same question. What if you were wanted to reach out? You were going to reach out to others that you hadn't you knew 10 years ago while you were conducting your job search? And they said, oh my gosh. It would be weird. They would think I'm weird if I did that. 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: Right. 

Jodi: That's 

Judy: so it's like human nature too.

Be more. [00:17:00] Negative to ourselves, then the, the graciousness we extend to others. Right. And so always, yeah, that's another kind of reset is how, how am I being gracious to myself here in this, in this thought that I'm having? 

Jodi: Yeah. So I think really the message here is like, of course if it's forced, it's gonna feel fake, you know, if you're really forcing it.

But if you approach it more from like a curious connection and a conversation. 

Judy: Yeah. 

Jodi: You know, really it's just a conversation I wanna have that's human and that's not fake. So when you shift from that, what can I get to? What can I learn? 

Judy: Yes. 

Jodi: Everything will change. 

Judy: Yes. And I will say, I also think it's about generosity.

Totally. It's about generosity that you're gonna receive, but it's also about generosity you're going to give. So depending on your relationship with whoever you're talking with, there are ways that you'll find that you'll be able to help them as well. 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: It may not be immediate and that's okay, but looking for, what are they up to as well?

Having a real conversation and a connection. 

Jodi: Yeah. Yeah. [00:18:00] So those were our myths and I hopefully we dispelled them a little bit. But we're gonna do something here because there are some questions or things that people are often thinking. They don't necessarily say them out loud. So we thought we would do a little rapid fire here, quick response and move to another one.

So, Judy, should I follow up if I haven't, if they haven't responded? 

Judy: Certainly, yes. I always say once or twice. Follow up twice I think is a sweet spot. It just, as we're talking about, it just shows your professionalism, but also maintains your dignity. 

Jodi: Okay. 

Judy: Okay. Jody, does rejection mean I interviewed poorly?

Jodi: Sometimes. Sometimes it does, but often not. So. I always tell people, ask for some feedback instead of just assuming that you failed. 

Judy: Yeah, 

Jodi: and, and that's, this is not a quick answer. Now I'm gonna talk a little more about that because it does happen all the time. 

Judy: We can't do [00:19:00] it Kaley. 

Jodi: It's very hard to get feedback.

It just really is. I can't tell you how great it is though, if you get the rejection. Trying to get that feedback will always just help you. Help you improve if you did fail, but you might find out that it had nothing to do with you. 

Judy: Yeah. I love this. This question you tossed to me. This is years ago and I actually saw it in an in a post on LinkedIn today and reshared that post.

But a question at the end of interview that it can be strategic in this job market and that is. What, I'm curious, what about my experience or my candidacy makes you hesitate on my fit for the role, something to that role. Mm-hmm. To that extent that that gives you an opportunity for real feedback in real time and maybe even allows you an opportunity to overcome that objection.

Jodi: Yeah. 

Judy: Before you leave the room and also gives you that feedback that you can take away and exactly what you wanna do with it from there. 

Jodi: Yep. Exactly. So, so 

Judy: much for the rapid fire. 

Jodi: Yeah. So much for rapid fire. Okay. Judy, should I lower my standards just to get something? [00:20:00] 

Judy: I would say only if it's very strategic to do so and that you communicate and articulate that in your materials.

We don't wanna be reactive. If we're lowering our standards, chances are we're not going to get interviewed anyhow unless we overcome the objections around it. Jody, what if I don't have enough confidence to network? 

Jodi: Many people don't, and that's fine. I think a lot of people don't have confidence. It's something that you really, I think confidence comes from evidence, I guess stacked over time.

So the more you do something, the more confident you're gonna be the next time you try it. So if you don't have a lot of confidence, do one little thing. Do one little thing. That might feel like a stretch, but that. Gives you a little bit more confidence the next time you try it. 

Judy: Yes. It builds and grows.

Jodi: It is. It builds and grows. Yeah. So is mindset enough to land a job? 

Judy: Usually [00:21:00] not. We need some strategy, right? Strategy matters. But without mindset, your strategy really can collapse. Right. So it's both are important. 

Jodi: Yeah. I have people that have incredible strategy and they're diligent and they are doing everything right.

But the second they start doubting themselves and start that negative talk, the strategy goes out the window. 

Judy: Mm-hmm. 

Jodi: So it's okay. I think it's okay to have those setbacks where you start questioning yourself. Normal. 

Judy: Very 

Jodi: normal. Totally normal. 

Judy: Yeah. 

Jodi: But just, you know what? Acknowledge it and try to get back where you were.

Judy: I always say, what matters is what you do next. 

Jodi: Yeah. So really all of these things we've been talking about, I think have one thing in common. It's all about interpretation, right? Mm-hmm. So the event, all these things that happen, they're neutral until you apply meaning to it. 

Judy: Yeah. Yep. We can't always control what's going on in a job search, and you know, our brains are wired the way they [00:22:00] are.

So the, as you said, the event is neutral, but the meaning is a choice. 

Jodi: Mm-hmm. 

Judy: But we make it mean. And the meaning you choose determines your energy for the next day. 

Jodi: Yeah, exactly. Okay. So if you're in a job search right now with which so many, many people are, just remember. That rejection is just gonna happen.

This is something that happens in a job search. Don't let it define you. Don't let it define your worth. 

Judy: Yeah. 

Jodi: Because that's not what it's about. Don't confuse those things. 

Judy: Yeah. You're, you're not behind, you're not late. You're in the process and it is a process, and the energy you bring to that process matters much more than you think this week.

Here's a little action if anyone is up for it. Pay attention to the story you tell yourself, whether you're in a job search or not. What story are you telling yourself about your goals? When something [00:23:00] doesn't go your way or when you have uncertainty, what are you making that mean? 

Jodi: Well, that story that you're telling yourself is either draining you or it's supporting you and building you up.

Yeah. So you wanna make sure you're telling yourself the right kind of story and just be very aware. Of what's going on. 

Judy: Yeah. All right. Well, that's it for today. Thank you so much for joining us. 

Jodi: Next time we'll go even deeper into the stories we tell ourselves and how those stories can quietly shape our reality.

Until then, 

Judy: bye for now.

Jodi: Thanks for listening to In Your Head. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone you think may benefit. Give us a like or a positive review and subscribe to follow us. 

Judy: We hope you continue to tune in and join us as a loyal mindset [00:24:00] warrior.