The Loving Truth

Balancing Business, Relationships, and Self-Care

• Sharon Pope

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I was recently a guest on Suzi Dafnis’ HerBusiness podcast, and we had an amazing conversation about the challenges women entrepreneurs face.

I share why it’s so important to prioritize yourself.

As business owners, we’re often pouring from an empty cup.

The solution? Start with a daily practice that tells yourself, “Me first, then everyone else.”

I explain how doing so not only boosts your well-being but also improves what you give to your business and relationships.

We also talk about the challenges when one partner grows in business and the other doesn’t. 

It’s important to communicate and support each other through it.

Relationships need growth, and so do businesses.

They’re both powerful teachers in our lives, but we have to do the work to keep both thriving.

Learn more about Suzi and the HerBusiness Network by following https://www.instagram.com/herbusiness/

Struggling to decide whether to stay or go in your marriage and you’re serious about finding that answer?

Book a Truth & Clarity Session with a member of my team. We’ll discuss where you are in your marriage and explore if there’s a fit for you and I to work together so you can make - and execute - the RIGHT decision for YOU and your marriage.

SPEAKER_01:

Sharon, hi and welcome to her business. Hi. So glad to be here. I'm so excited to have you here. I um just before we got started here was mentioning how you're one of my favorite people in the mastermind that I've been a part of for a long time. And I am excited about this conversation. So thank you again for being here.

SPEAKER_00:

Me too. I think we're gonna have a great time today.

SPEAKER_01:

Now you and I both know as business owners that growing a business takes a lot of energy and there's a lot of pressure on us to succeed and keep things running, often putting the business way ahead of our own needs. Why, in your opinion, in the work that you do with thousands of women, do you feel it's so important for women, business owners specifically, to prioritize themselves and their needs?

SPEAKER_00:

You know, I think that if you are pouring from an empty cup, what are you pouring? Like it's not your best. It's little droplets, it's little crumbs. And so what we give isn't our best. And so this is why I mean, I have a what I just call a daily practice that begins with me. And the the very the whole reason I do it, it's not a matter of like what you do. It's just a so for me, it's like meditation and maybe some journaling or reading or something like that. Um, and coffee. There's always coffee involved. There's always coffee, there's always coffee involved, but um the reason I do that and I is subconsciously I'm telling myself, like me first, then you, then and you as everybody who needs me, right? Like, but when I put myself first, then what I'm going to give you is gonna be so much better. It's gonna be my best, and you're welcome that I put myself first. So something as simple as just starting your day with 10 or 15 minutes just for you sends that message to yourself that you're important and you can't pour from an empty cup.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I love that. And uh you mentioned some of the things you do, and they don't take a whole lot of time, but they obviously make all the difference.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah. I think the accountability too for you know how anytime you're trying to create a new practice for yourself, like doing something that you've not done before, you might need some accountability and support in doing that. Um, and I don't know about you, but I really like to check things off my list. If you're like a someone who like loves to like have your to-do list and you check things off. So every day I am on my own to-do list so that it happens. And that's how you make it happen. If it's whatever motivates you, right. But certainly the more accountability that you have around that, the more support you have around that, the more likely it's going to happen. And then what you're going to deliver is going to be such better quality for all the people that you want to serve at such a high level.

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely. We are big on accountability at her business, and I'll say more about that later. Um, many women business owners, um, we're often on a journey that is something that our relationship partners perhaps haven't experienced before, and that is we are growing a business. So we're kind of on different paths as it relates to our careers. So, how do we think about developing avenues for getting the understanding and the support that we need, even though our journeys vary? We come home and go, how was your day, honey? And it's a totally different experience. So, how do we develop an understanding between us?

SPEAKER_00:

All right. So I think first and foremost, you have to be clear about what it is you need. Sometimes we don't know what we need, and then we've got to be able to communicate that. And I really think that for the most part, we don't need our partners to understand what we do day in and day out, or even why we do it. Although that's lovely when they do understand our why behind it. I think what we most need is their unwavering support in knowing that we can do it in terms of whatever it is, whatever the gifts are that we're trying to bring into the world, and to remind us of who we are when we forget. That's really what I feel like we need in terms of support from our partners. And, you know, if your partner is an employee at somewhere and you're an entrepreneur, the most important thing is that you don't approach that conversation or that relationship as though one of you is right and the other is wrong. Like I know entrepreneurs, we can get a little we can we love being entrepreneurs, don't we? For the most part. And we think like that's the best path. Except you have to be a little crazy to be an entrepreneur, right? There's a reason there's only 10% of us in the world, the other 90% work for someone else. So I think as long as you just come at it from the perspective of look, these are just two different ways of sharing your gifts in the world, that's it. And you know, we need some crazy people that are willing to be entrepreneurs, and we need some people who are who want to work for someone else, and it's all good. But in terms of relationships, there is a place we can go here, which is if your partner decides to stay at home with the kids and you as a woman are now the sole breadwinner, that's gonna create some new challenges in your relationship because he's going to assuming so a lot of the people I work with are in heterosexual relationships, but so I use that language, but it doesn't mean it's specific to that. So he might resent you because you're distracted and working all the time, and you're gonna resent him because he doesn't understand, and then because you're working so hard, and you start to feel guilty about all the work that you're doing, and you feel the pressure of being the sole breadwinner. And I've just seen this so many times, so I think it's worth mentioning, and that is that uh you as a female entrepreneur, then will be in your masculine basically 24 hours a day. And if he is home with the kids, he's gonna be in his feminine. And so that's gonna create some dynamics in terms of how you relate sexually too. And so if you don't pay attention to this, I've just seen so many relationships where they lose not just desire for their spouse, but also respect. And that it doesn't have to be that way. But those are some things that you got to pay attention to when you're making these like big life choices about your family and how you contribute.

SPEAKER_01:

That's huge. Thank you for bringing that distinction in um and that scenario. I um know that you've worked with women through who are navigating seasons of growth and change in their relationships. And when it comes to them in business as well, you know, where as we're growing our businesses, there are many seasons we go through. And if someone one person in the relationship, be it whatever the partnership is, the relationship, whether it's man, you know, woman, woman, man, woman, what shifts when one person is evolving, growing in both life and business, and the other feels like they aren't? What tends to happen in their dynamic?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I think sometimes it can it can lead to one person feeling like it can create a hierarchy that's not intentional. One person starts to feel a little bit better than the other person, like I'm growing beyond them. And the way that I think about this, and I I truly believe this, is that there are two things that you can do in this life that will force you to grow like nothing else will. And that is to start and run a business, and the other is to be in intimate relationship with another human being. And I think when it comes to our businesses, we appreciate well, maybe appreciate isn't the right word, the challenges, but um, we expect the challenges to be there, but we for sure don't appreciate the challenges in our intimate relationship. And there's a part of a lot of people I think that feel like, well, if it's the right relationship, then we shouldn't have all those challenges. And I actually don't believe that. I think that intimate relationships are going to force you to grow in order to remain in them in a long-term committed relationship. And so when you start looking at your partner as your greatest teacher, that changes the nature of the relationship. Now it's like when they're frustrating you, you can be like, oh, look at this gift just presented to me. Okay, another thing. But if it it can bring a little bit of levity to it too. It doesn't mean that the whole, you know, the whole thing needs to be blown up.

SPEAKER_01:

As you're speaking, sorry, as you're speaking, I'm thinking, so the key to an easy life is being an employee and not in relationship.

SPEAKER_00:

So what are the two happiest people, the two demographically happiest people consistently are single women and married men?

SPEAKER_01:

I love it. I love it. Um, have you experienced women uh either shrinking or muting their ambitions or their success, perhaps to make the partner who isn't on this growth journey feel more comfortable? And what might be the implications of that?

SPEAKER_00:

So I think that for sure they might do that. I don't know that they're conscious that they're doing it, but I think sometimes it's to make their partners more comfortable. Sometimes I think it's to avoid their fears. Like we all have that upper limit in some regard, in terms of what we're going to do in our business. But so for instance, I'm not gonna get too big or too well known because then people from all over the world are gonna send me hate through social media. Or I'm not gonna get too successful because then my family and friends will think I'm too big for my britches. Or I'm not going to be too successful, or I'm not gonna own my power because it might make my partner feel a certain way.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. And it could kill the relationship, and I don't want to be divorced, and so then I'll just shrink back. But so we stay in this safe and familiar place, but then we don't step into you know everything that we really are capable of doing, and it's just that upper limit problem, and relationships play into that.

SPEAKER_01:

That is so good. Um, one of the aspects of our whole business membership is that we have a book club, and the book The Big Leap, which talks about upper limits, has been one of our book club favorites. And so, as you're listening, if that is if this concept of the upper limits, what Sharon was just sharing, is resonating with you, then I highly recommend the book The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, and we'll put a link to that in our show notes. Let's talk about money because why not? One of my favorite topics too. And you talked about the fact that, and we see this in our community, that there are now women who are the primary breadwinners in their families, which is phenomenal and which we love. Um, and you've talked about a little bit, but let's dive into more of what the dynamics are that can show up when you start to out-earn your partner. How does that play into power, identity, um, assumptions?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's uh oh, there's a lot in there. Um, so I love the fact, obviously, that women are starting to make more than men. Um, it's an interesting dynamic, you know. With Derek and I, my husband is Derek, um, I have always made more money than him. And when I looked at it, I was like, so for some odd reason, so when my husband and I met, he was a firefighter paramedic. And I was like, so the world places a higher premium on marketing. And at the time it was like digital markings, marketing, social media marketing, and and junk mail, direct mail. So they place a higher value on that than they do saving lives. Like that doesn't make it right, it just that's just what it is, you know. And so I don't, it's not a value of our worth as human beings in terms of what we're making. So that's the the first piece, but um even though we live in a modern world, we still have stone age brains. And what that means is that we have been swimming in the waters of men are the providers and the protectors, and women are the nurturers and the caretakers. And so I don't think younger generations will struggle with this as much, but certainly of my age, um, I won't lump you in with me because you're probably younger than me, but certainly someone of my age, um, it's gonna have some of that. Even though we might operate differently, we still have some of that programming born into us. And so what ends up happening is that then the woman as the sole breadwinner feels the pressure, and the man can feel inadequate and emasculated. And then when we feel from those places, we're gonna take action. And so for a woman, they might get resentful and they might even start to feel guilty that they're missing out on some of the nurturing stuff and then kids' stuff at home. And so they might start overfunctioning more and doing more at home and then feeling resentful that their spouse gets to do that. And then for men, though, what I have seen, and granted, this is not all men, and it's not all women, right? Like they're like my husband is he's probably the most secure individual I know. So he doesn't struggle with this. But I also know that not everyone feels that way. But many times, if a man is feeling inadequate or insecure or emasculated in some way, not to any fault of their wife, but that's just how they feel, those are really hard feelings for a man to connect with. So he doesn't want to connect with that. So what he's gonna do is run from it, which means he's going to typically what it looks like in my world is they turn to drinking too much. But they also might um they might dive into something else, they might dive into porn, they might dive into video games, they might dive into gambling or overeating, junk food and stuff like that, whatever. Like we all the ways that we will numb our feelings. And then, like, let's say it's drinking, then we start talking about drinking is the problem in the marriage, and we start dealing with, well, that's the behavior that we have to solve, but no one's going back and talking about why is he drinking too much because he feels inadequate now as a husband, as a man, as a father. Like no one's having those conversations because those are the hard conversations to have, but those are the ones that need to be had in order to get past it. So, you know, this the I love that women are making more money, and I love that women are making more money than men sometimes. Like I that's been needing to happen, and it creates challenges in our marriage that we've got to be able to speak about very openly with our partners so that that it doesn't trip us up. Hmm, it's tough stuff, I know.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I love it, but this is the work that you do, and and I want to talk um very quickly um about the work that you do uh before I get back on my questions, just the work that you're doing with women. And I know you're not only working with business owners, of course, right, but just tell us a little bit about the work that you do, uh, you and your team do with people who are experiencing these how do I talk about it uh situations.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. So we have to begin from a place of um, first of all, know what your goal is going into it. What is it that I'm having this hard conversation? It's like if there's one big thing that I do inside my programs, it's teach women to have hard conversations that they need to have in their relationship. There's many things that we do, but that's probably the one that that people sort of soak up the most because we've not been equipped to really have those conversations. So often we turn it into an argument or we shut down in order to keep the peace, but then we just create this dysfunction of where we're not having the the very necessary conversations that we need to be having. So, first is understand like what is the goal, and then um I would want them to open up to letting your partner speak first, like whatever it is. Like, so for instance, I put together something I was thinking about, you know, like let's say um you are asking for, you know, getting your needs met in some way. That's a really common thing, like whether it's needs for my business, support, whatever. But it's like some there's I'm not getting my needs met in the relationship. And so usually what we want to do is we say the four dreaded words, we need to talk. And then the person they run for the hills, right? They run for the hills, they arm her up, and now they're gonna be defensive. And then what we really mean in when we say we need to talk is I need you to sit down, shut up, and listen because I've got some things I want you I want to say, and it never goes well. It never goes well. So instead, you can start with look, we both want the same things, right? We both want to raise happy kids, we both want to win as individuals, and we want our marriage to succeed as well, which means feeling connected and feeling loving. Would you agree with that? So you get their agreement. This is very much like a sales conversation. And then you let them speak, where you say something like, Look, I want to understand how can I support you in you succeeding as an individual? And then once they tell you how you can support that, how can I be a better partner to you so that you can feel more connected to me and we can feel more loving as a couple. See, most people don't want to open themselves up to that, but they want their other partner to hear them. And what I'm suggesting is you just do it right out of the gate and you let them feel heard because as soon as they feel heard, now they're going to be much more open to hearing you. So once they've completely emptied themselves and they've told you how you can be a better partner and how you can support them, you might mirror that back to them. And you might even say, This is important for me to know, even though it kind of stings that I've been letting you down in whatever way, because maybe that's maybe they told you something that stung a little bit. But it's important for me to know. So I'm gonna try to do better, and I'm gonna try to do whatever you know they've asked you to do to help them, and then you say, I'd like to be able to share with you what my needs are. Are you open to hearing that? And you get the nod. Now they're listening. And because you just did the exact behavior that you want them to do for you, they're much more likely to sit there and really listen to what you have to say because they feel heard and validated. And so now you're able to share your perspective, and then at the end, you you do your call to action, which is are you willing?

SPEAKER_01:

I love it, I love it. Everybody listening up. This is a marketing conversation, a sales conversation, a relationship conversation. But these are key communication tips that you're giving us right now, Sharon. And and that's that's it, right? Well, like we either they're running for the hills or we're running for the hills, or just shutting it down with not having conversations. Please continue.

SPEAKER_00:

And then you just you just say, are you willing to do that for me? Are you willing to do that for us? And very likely, if you go about it that way, they're going to say yes, of course, darling. But if they said no, then that's just an objection. And then you just lean into, I would want to understand why the person who loves me wouldn't want to meet my needs. Is it a can't or is it a won't? And those are different conversations. And so it's just learning how to have difficult conversations and not run from them. And you almost have to learn to do the opposite of what your instincts tell you to do. Your instincts are like, just shut down, pretend, you know, make believe it's okay, talk yourself into just falling asleep crying tonight because you don't feel heard or validated or understood by your partner, and you're scared to death about what that means for your relationship. Just tomorrow will be better. And you just try to forget about it. But then it doesn't go away and we're not improving, we're not getting better. And so remember what I said, like your relationship is going to force you to grow. This is the growth that's being asked for in that moment, and so we can all get better at it, myself included.

SPEAKER_01:

And there's nothing that we wouldn't learn in learning to master our communication with our partners that wouldn't serve us in our businesses. Thousands as well.

SPEAKER_00:

Thousand percent. I feel like when you're an entrepreneur, you bring your whole self to your business, like it's your baby. So when things aren't awesome at home, it impacts how you show up in the world. And you might be able to compartmentalize when you like physically go to an office and you're dealing with something completely different. But I feel like, I don't know, as when it's your baby and it's your business, that you bring your whole self to it. And so you need to be firing on all cylinders, you need your home life to feel like rock solid and steady.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. So we've talked about that, you know, starting the day with that self-care, whatever it is, bringing you back to you, not pouring from an empty cup. Yes. And now you've given us some gold, which, as you're listening, I encourage you. I'm going to put links in the show notes to the books, the programs that Sharon and her team run. Because you said something really important. We can compartmentalize it, but for how long? You know, for how long? Because there's part of us, our soul, our emotional body that knows this is not handled. So I can keep, you know, firing out the sales calls, dealing with the team, putting the marketing out, doing my social media. And then there's still a part of me that's empty because this person that I love that I'm in relationship with isn't meeting my needs, or I know I'm not meeting their needs, but we're not talking about it. And so, and working with women as you do, as I've done, you know, there comes a point where your business will stop being your primary, and you will want to know that you've got a relationship that's going to be there for you all the time. PJ and I have been in um relationship longer than we've been in business together, and it hasn't been all roses, I can tell you that. But we've learned to navigate both being business owners and doing our own thing. And I, if I'm really honest, we I have at times gone too hard to deal with this now. I'm just going to keep going on because I've got a sales letter to write, I've got a team to respond to, I've got a webinar to run. Um, and what happens is that we collect these conversations that we should be having. And then I know for me, I might then just blah blah blah blur out. And he's like, where the heck did this come from? Yep. Right. And so becoming a better communicator. I know I'm always on about women communication, is the most important skill for you and your business. It is a life skill, it is a life skill, and professionally, especially for our relationships. And again, these skills will serve you with your children, with your parents, with your with all the important people in your life. So good.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. Yeah. And the better we can get at it, the better our relationships are going to be. And and business is all about relationships anyway.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. And we've been talking about primary relationships right now. But let's talk about community for a minute. Because um, I know that you love working with women, I love working with women. Why might it be crucial for a woman to have a community and a support system that gets what it's like to be a woman in business, even if her partner perhaps isn't in business or has their own business, if their family, you know, loves them and friends love them, but really don't understand what it's like. Why might community be essential?

SPEAKER_00:

Look, your girlfriends, what they're great at is loving you. That's that's fantastic. Like, but they can't help you in your business if they are not, if they haven't built a business themselves, if they haven't done what it is you're trying to do, or they're not in it currently doing what you're trying to do. And so that has real value. And I think we've gotten used to we'll invest in ourselves for strategic thinking and we'll invest in ourselves for idea generation. We might even invest in ourselves for accountability. But we need to invest in ourselves to surround ourselves with people who are going to not just love you, but they're going to support you, they're going to challenge you, they're going to inspire you, and they're going to push you beyond where you might push yourself. And that's the power of being in a group where people are walking a similar path alongside each other. And there's something to be said, I call it borrowed courage, where you see someone else do something really big, and then you're like, well, if they can do that, maybe, maybe I can do this. And then you go do the thing that you know you've needed to do. You just needed that sort of nudge to do it. And that's the power of being in a group of in a group of other women that are also walking a similar path in terms of entrepreneurship. But I will also say this just from a psychology perspective: women need community. We are social creatures. I think women need connection the way fish need water. Like we don't do well when it's just ourselves in an echo chamber in our own heads. Like we need other people. And it it's always been that way. Like if you look back even like centuries before, women have always been in community. When men are out hunting, women are back in the community taking care of things. It's always been that way. So we need that.

SPEAKER_01:

I love that you said that because I know that as entrepreneurs, and for many years, I was like, I'm gonna muscle through it. I don't want to look weak. I don't want to have to lean on other people. And my life changed when I found my community of other entrepreneurs who totally got it. Who were willing to share it?

SPEAKER_00:

I do it on my own. It's somehow like you get more points, more nobles. You get more points. I don't know where the scoreboard is or who is running, you know.

SPEAKER_01:

I have yet to be given a medal.

SPEAKER_00:

You go so much further, so much faster with community. And I pay for speed. That's that's all I've ever paid coaches for is get me there quicker. And that's part of what community gives you.

SPEAKER_01:

I love it. I am in a moment gonna ask you the question I ask all my guests about uh what a day in the life looks like for Sharon when she's doing what she loves. But before that, I know that women who are listening um may not have up until now thought, you know what? I do want to deal with my relationship. I do want to get some support. What is, and I've got some links that I'm gonna put in show notes, but with the work that you do, where do you like people to start?

SPEAKER_00:

Or what is the best first step? Send them to my book. It's called Stay or Go. Um, that would be it's sold more than 300,000 copies. I've written nine books, but it's the best one. Um, so you can go to Sharon Popebook.com and you can get it there. Um, but if you're like, no, I want to pay for speed and you want to explore like can Sharon's program work for me, you can go to clarityformymarriage.com and that'll that'll get you started.

SPEAKER_01:

Got it. Clarityformy Marriage.com. Terrific. Um, so the question that I was hinting at was that our mantra at her business is do what you love every day. And so what I'd love to know is what is an ideal day in your business look like when you are doing what you love?

SPEAKER_00:

So first I would wake up rested because so in the last six months I just went through menopause. So now sleep is a high priority for me because it is scarce. So I would first wake up very rested, and then I would do my daily practice, and then I would serve, I would serve my clients, I would immediately get into my community because it gets me in the headspace that I need to be in. And I would spend probably an hour doing that, and then I would get into creation mode. My ideal day is where I am creating something new. It might be a teaching, it might be a live call, it might be um a book, or it might be blog posts, or it might be, you know, video or podcast planning or something like that, but it is creation in some way, shape, or form. And then the the last piece would be connection with my boo, some kind of intention.

SPEAKER_01:

I love that I love it. Sharon, I adore you. Thank you so much for being here. Is there anything you want to leave us with?

SPEAKER_00:

Um, you know what? Um, I hadn't thought about this in advance. I just would say, you know what? If you are a woman out there building a business that you love. You are you are doing the biggest work you can possibly do. And I just want to say, I think you're a badass and keep going. I love it.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much for joining me.

SPEAKER_00:

You're welcome. Thanks for having me.