Can the dating advice of Dr. Velma Bagby, a multi-award-winning bestselling author and certified dating and relationship coach, reshape the way you approach relationships? In a captivating discussion, Dr. Bagby unpacks the intricate metaphors in her latest book, The Wrong Catch: She’ll Tear Down the House, where she intriguingly describes female characters as insects, animals, and toys - all based on real conversations with godly men who faced their own dating challenges.
This conversation is your ticket to navigating the rocky terrain of relationships, as Dr. Bagby shines a light on neglecting the importance of examining a woman's heart during the dating process. The author warns against the manipulative and controlling habits of narcissistic women and emphasizes being open to God's will. The episode delves deeper, exploring the art of choosing a life partner, the necessity of introspection and the bravery required to ask the tough questions. We further discuss the significance of recognizing relationship red flags and understanding your partner's faith before deciding to commit.
But it's not just about caution and introspection - this episode is also packed with Dr. Bagby's valuable insights for professional women, particularly about balancing their power in the boardroom with their femininity in relationships. Walk away with a deeper understanding of how to navigate love and relationships, practical advice on spotting red flags and strategies to maintain harmony in a relationship. Join us for an episode of wisdom, self-discovery and a candid look at love in the modern age. So, tune in and let Dr. Bagby guide you through the art of avoiding the wrong catch.
Can the dating advice of Dr. Velma Bagby, a multi-award-winning bestselling author and certified dating and relationship coach, reshape the way you approach relationships? In a captivating discussion, Dr. Bagby unpacks the intricate metaphors in her latest book, The Wrong Catch: She’ll Tear Down the House, where she intriguingly describes female characters as insects, animals, and toys - all based on real conversations with godly men who faced their own dating challenges.
This conversation is your ticket to navigating the rocky terrain of relationships, as Dr. Bagby shines a light on neglecting the importance of examining a woman's heart during the dating process. The author warns against the manipulative and controlling habits of narcissistic women and emphasizes being open to God's will. The episode delves deeper, exploring the art of choosing a life partner, the necessity of introspection and the bravery required to ask the tough questions. We further discuss the significance of recognizing relationship red flags and understanding your partner's faith before deciding to commit.
But it's not just about caution and introspection - this episode is also packed with Dr. Bagby's valuable insights for professional women, particularly about balancing their power in the boardroom with their femininity in relationships. Walk away with a deeper understanding of how to navigate love and relationships, practical advice on spotting red flags and strategies to maintain harmony in a relationship. Join us for an episode of wisdom, self-discovery and a candid look at love in the modern age. So, tune in and let Dr. Bagby guide you through the art of avoiding the wrong catch.
Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Listen Linda show. Today we will be tearing down the house with Dr Velma Bagby, but before we get started y'all know how I do Give me four minutes on the waiting music. Take a quick break. No, dr Velma, if you're on, can you please hit the button below me so we can bring you in?
Speaker 2:Together. We never turn our backs on each other, but now that we separated, we can still want another better.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yes, y'all don't have to play this song, but I made sure I got the instrumental. Okay, because we're going to keep it PG, but I had to play this song because it gets me in the mood for this topic. Today. I'm super excited about this book. So this book comes out. It's called the Wrong Catch and anybody who follows me should know friend of the show, dr Velma Bagby. She is award-winning, a multi-award-winning bestselling author and she has the series called the Catch series. So the first book is the Catch, then it's the Catch, the homework basket, then it's the Wrong Catch. Now we have the Wrong Catch Shield. Tear Down the House, how you doing today, dr Velma, and let everybody for people who are listening, who don't know you, let them know who you are and just more about your journey in writing this book.
Speaker 3:Hey everyone, thank you so much for joining us. It's just such a pleasure to be here with this fantastic host, jacqueline Cox. I love the entire Cox family. I'm grateful to be here this afternoon. I am, as she introduced me, as an award-winning bestselling author, a certified dating and relationship coach. I'm also an ordained minister and CEO of Audenai Publishing. I'm grateful that book 16 and 17 is releasing shortly. I'm a part of an anthology as well, so I'm excited about this fourth book.
Speaker 3:I began my writing journey in 2018, and I thought I was writing about, at the time, christian non-fiction as it relates to dating and marriage.
Speaker 3:However, I switched gears with this particular project and decided to write a contemporary, christian, contemporary fiction, hoping to take the same kind of writing style that Jesus took when he designed the parables in a fictional way, and so I read the stories based on that style and, as a result, the very first novel I thought was going to be one book is now a four book series, and I'm expecting more volumes as well, and that's as a result of the readers who really loved the fish analogies that I used to describe the wrong men to date.
Speaker 3:What's unique with this new release is the fact that, this time based on my male readers who asked for me to address the wrong women to date. This one does just that. It's the wrong cat shield, tear down the house, and the stories are weaved based on characters, animals, insects, even a toy that describes the wrong women to date. So I'm excited about this one. I'm excited about the fact that I got input from some of my male readers in terms of their dating challenges, so that I can read these, create these characters for this brand new book. So thank you, jacqueline, for having me.
Speaker 1:Thank you. Thank you so much for being a guest, and you guys you know what. I was so excited about this book that I forgot to come in with prayer, and I never do that. So I want to kick this podcast off with prayer and then we're going to get to asking Dr Velma some questions, playing a little music and then, hopefully, if Dr Velma has time, we can do Q&A from the audience. Okay, so let me start off with prayer.
Speaker 1:Father God, we gather here today with open hearts and open minds as we embark on this special episode of Listenlenda. We are grateful for the opportunity to once again have Dr Velma Bagby, a certified relationship dating coach, as my guest. We pray for your guidance and wisdom as we delve into the world of relationships and dating, seeking insights that can enrich the lives of our listeners. May our conversation be filled with respect, empathy and kindness, promoting understanding and growth. We ask for your blessings upon Dr Velma Bagby, lord God, that her expertise and experiences may inspire and empower those who are seeking love and connection. May her words resonate deeply and provide valuable perspectives to everyone that's tuning in tonight on the read play on all platforms in 10 different countries. Thank you, lord. Father, only you can do it.
Speaker 1:As we explore the intricacies of relationships, may we foster an environment of positivity, encouragement and support. Lord God, may our words of lift inspire and promote healthy connections leading to happier and more fulfilling lives. We express our gratitude for the opportunity to share this podcast with our audience and we humbly ask for your continued guidance Throughout this episode and beyond. In your name Jesus, we pray. Amen. So let's get into it. Dr Velma Bagby, my girl, can you tell us more about the inspiration behind the unique analogies used in the book to describe female characters as insects, animals and toys?
Speaker 3:Well, actually it was the men who inspired these characters, based on the survey that I conducted among some of the godly men that I know, conversations I've had with my own husband and his conversations with other men and ministering with them and some of the challenges they were experiencing.
Speaker 3:So I decided to conduct a survey and spoke with many of them to find out okay, I'm writing this book what are some of the challenges you faced and what are some of the areas you would like to see addressed.
Speaker 3:And just as it was with the very first book listening to my brother describe fish and the personalities of the fish that I needed to use in that analogy this time the same thing happened as the men began to describe some of the challenges they've had in dating women that those characters just came to life. It was easy for me to match them with the particular animal or with a particular insect. So that's how those characters came to life. And it was really exciting because the other book I didn't have to conduct the research because I've spoken with many of the women that I characterize. I've had the occasion of talking to so many over the past 30 years, so I just understood how to create the kind of men that they've had to deal with as well. So in doing this, I got a chance to talk to the men and because of their input, those characters came to life.
Speaker 1:Powerful, powerful, powerful. How remarkable is that? That you are able to get in a room full of men and just pour out all of everything to you. And that's why I love so much about writing right, because you say you gave surveys A lot of times.
Speaker 1:People don't like speaking about their experiences, but they have no problem writing it down. That's why I say it's hard for people to get like, even like, in interrogations. It's hard for people to get a sworn statement or a confession out of somebody if they have to speak it. That's why the police get them peeing in paper to write it down right. Just write it. Write it here. It is served the same way. So I just I really appreciate that. And when you get to a place where you have the trust of people so they can tell you all about these things, I just, I just really want to get to that place in my life. Well, I think I have, because I had y'all come on here. Y'all just tell me Look, I'm there, I'm there, okay. Next question, because I didn't get on top, I mean I'm reeling myself back in, dr Delma, I'm work with me, lady, you know you love me. How does Grayson's conference for men in the book contribute to their understanding of the potential dangers involved in choosing the wrong mate.
Speaker 3:Grayson opens up the conference in chapter one and he gives a lot of background information to the men to so that they will know what to expect. The conference and I think they were really shocked at the fact that it was actually male presenters coming in sharing their own personal story so they can see the realities of what happened to each one as they begin to describe what they experienced. Grayson reinforced the fact that it was important, just like in the books with the women dating the wrong men. He reinforced the fact that it's important to focus on yourself first and again, just like with the women in the earlier books focusing on their selves and not focusing so much on the condition of the person versus their characteristics, and really examining the true essence of the person's heart. Because if God looks at the heart, why aren't we going straight there?
Speaker 3:We just tend to get caught up in all the superficial things concerning meeting a mate and not really changing our strategy so that we can meet the type of godly woman or man that we're looking for, and so Grayson lays that framework in the very beginning in chapter one. He gives them the idea of what they're going to talk about. He tells them it's important for you to pursue a Ruby, but you also have to be at Ruby level. You must change yourself too. So, again, the same kind of message for the women in the first two books was the message that Grayson gave the men that you too have to measure up. You have to work on yourself as well. He told them what they should be looking for, and he told them exactly what they should be doing in themselves to prepare themselves for the woman that they deserve.
Speaker 2:Oh, oh, oh, god's playing that he designed for us Before the foundation of the lane. Boas, come, boas, come, come to me and bring me sweet relief. Oh, hey, boas, come, boas, come, come to me and knock me off of my feet. Oh, we'll walk hand in hand, walking out God's playing that he designed for us Before the foundation of the lane. I'll be your queen, you'll be my king and we'll live together. Thankfully, yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, boas. You see I'm waiting for you. Come on, boas, come on. We got to do what we got to do. Come on, come to me, oh, boas, I'm waiting for you. Oh, I'll be your queen, you will be my king and we'll come together. Thankfully, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll walk hand in hand, walking out God's playing that he designed for us Before the foundation of the lane.
Speaker 4:Come on, Boas. You see, I'm waiting for you.
Speaker 2:Come on, Boas. We got to do what we got to do. Come on, Boas. You see I'm waiting. I've been praying, I'm waiting for you.
Speaker 1:Yes, Now, anybody who know this and Linda know I can not just do one podcast without playing my mother in law song. Miss Patricia Cox, my father in law Cox, my Boaz, and I think that that song definitely resonates with the topic today. Dr Velma, tell me what you think about my Boaz and how that resonates with your relationship and dating coach ethics and the morale behind what you do.
Speaker 3:I, when my husband and I we first listened and heard the song together on one of your podcast interviews, and when we heard it, we we really enjoyed it, and your mother-in-law did an excellent job in presenting it, because I hear that phrase a lot. It's just like everything else that women have have aspired to have. Everybody's looking for a Boaz. I remember one singer mentioned looking for your Boaz versus a Bozo. I remember that, and so everybody has set their sights on kind of looking for a Boaz, which is pretty much an older man, someone who's older than you, and that's the way the story goes and the very fact that the woman presented herself in the story in the way that she did.
Speaker 3:It's not always the way that we discover our mate, and so it's important that we not get so caught up in some of those stories because, I'm telling you, god has a way of having a sense of humor in the way that he presents your mate to you.
Speaker 3:So I I enjoyed her song and I really love the fact that she captured that story so well in the song, and so we want to pursue an idea of what God wants for us to have in a mate, but to be very careful that we don't have sort of this etched, we don't etch out a vision of what he should be and what he should look like, because we do sometimes that keeps us from really recognizing the person that God really has for us. So we have to be careful of that. He may not be a Boaz. He may be your same age, he may not be older, he might be a little younger, we don't know. He may not be your same ethnicity, we don't know that either. But I think if we're not, if we're very careful, we should be very careful not to rule out the things that God may have, just might have, in store for you. So we have to be open to his will in terms of who he was, who he wants to present to you.
Speaker 1:Awesome, awesome, awesome. See, I know Dr Velma, every time she come y'all, she drop jams. This is what this lady does. I think this might be her fourth or fifth interview with me, I don't know, but every time she comes on, you guys, I learn something different every single time and that's why I really truly enjoy having her here, because it's never an empty cup. It's never an empty cup. She always comes and just, she just overflows your cup with so much knowledge and wisdom when it comes to dating and relationships and marriage and dating for marriage. I could never get enough and I'm already married, but I still seek her counsel in certain areas and aspects of my life and she has truly, truly, truly been a gem. Her and Mr Pastor Bagby have truly been a gem in me and my husband's life, and our kids as well. So we just thank you for that. Now, dr Velma, what are some common traits or behaviors exhibited by the narc women in the book, such as the firefly, femme fatale, the vampire bat, the people pleaser and the mother?
Speaker 3:Anytime I hear that tone in your voice and you take that pause before you make the statement, I know you're getting ready to hit me with something really, really tough.
Speaker 1:Okay, you're giving away my secrets now. Dr Vam, you cannot tell people what to look for. Now Look okay, now.
Speaker 3:Well, most people understand a narcissistic man because we talk more about narcissistic men than we do about women, and that's what my third book was about. The trophy fish were based on narcissistic men. For us to really see, to do a deep dive into who these guys really are, so that you're not drawn in by, maybe, success, how professional they may be, all of the things, again, that are superficial things, and so I thought it would be important to just present and, based on some of the points that the men made, to present what some of these women look like in terms of a narcissistic women. And just to go back a minute, this book is about the wrong cat, she'll tear down the house. That title was based on Proverbs 14 and one, which says the wise woman builds the house, but the foolish one tears it down. And the reason it was important to present that because I talk a lot about fools, because there's over 50 scriptures in the Bible that discusses fools as well, and I wanted to show that, even though I talked about fools as it related to men, that it was important for us to see that they're foolish women too, and so all of them in this book, except one, falls into that category. And so when we look at the narc women and I refer to them as narc, reddit and narcissistic, because I thought it was a really cute way to present them, even though they're not cute people the narcissistic women are pretty much what I call the vampire bat, the firefly or the femme fatale, the narc mother, and then there's the people pleaser, and so it's interesting that a couple of these you may not think could be narcissistic like the mother and the people pleaser, but they are. The other two look pretty obvious the firefly and the vampire bat, because they're very gruesome like characters. The black, the vampire bat, for instance.
Speaker 3:Let me just explain that she she's anybody narcissistic first of all, is self absorbed, egotistical, and so is the vampire bat. She's a trickster. She tricks her husband, and most of these women put on a great front in during the dating process, but then they flip the minute they married the man, and so that was the dangerous part that Grayson presents to the man. Be careful how she presents herself in the beginning, because we just like them women. The men tend to deal with superficial things too that they get captivated on based on a woman. They may be presuming, but he reminds the men. They have to do the same thing the women were encouraged to do, and that is to really examine the woman's heart. So we got the fire.
Speaker 3:The firefly as well, also narcissistic, and in her aggressive behavior she's very toxic. She accuses her husband and blames him for everything. She's never at fault, but he's always. She's going to figure out a way to blame him instead. She's very controlling and she's the one that doesn't mind filing the fake police report. And that's something that Grayson brings out in his story how women are falling back on that and they want to catch a man in something. They'll be the first to file a police report with a fake police report to accuse him of something that he didn't do. And that's what this person does the firefly. And then the North Mother's same thing. Her husband dies and she puts that control on her son as he grows up. He doesn't realize it until he's older, the kind of toxic relationship he's had with his mother, and so I can't tell you what happens to him, but he does figure out how to deal with her.
Speaker 3:And then the people pleaser was somebody different in terms of the fact that she's narcissistic, because she's the one that was abused growing up. People used her and picked on her because she was that timid. But she figured out to use it for her gain, and so she becomes the pleaser in order to get what she wants. So she uses it now to manipulate the people in her life to get what she wants. So she decides to flip the coin, in a sense, and says, well, this is what I'd experience. Let me flip it and use it to my advantage. And that's why she's called the people pleaser.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you can work it out. Sometimes you can. Sometimes you're forced to wash everything full of potash out of your hands. Sometimes leaving is easy, sometimes it ain't. Sometimes it hurts to know that, loving your head slowly fading away, you can say whatever you'd like. As long as we just say goodbye, I'll blame it on me. Say it's my fault. I Try to make it to the finish in line. Oh I, as long as it's over. Yes, I'll give you what I really got to lose you. Freedom's where I wanna be. Yes, I'll probably always love you, but I'm moving. I gotta do this for me. Say it's my fault. Say that I'll let him till I die. I'll call with a broken heart. I really don't care. I ain't cryin' no more. Say I'm a liar, a cheater. Say anything that you want. Blame it on me. Say it's my fault. Say that I'll love you, but I'll give you what I really got to lose you. I really don't care. I ain't cryin' no more. Say I'm a liar, a cheater. Say anything that you want, as long as it's over.
Speaker 3:Really I'm surprised.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's Ms Crisette Michelle.
Speaker 3:Well, I kinda got the message.
Speaker 1:Tell me what you thought about it, because when I'm listening to that song it brings up a few other characters in your book. She said blame it on me, say it's my fault. Said I left you outside in a cold with a broken heart. I really don't care. And then she says blame it on me, say it's my fault, say I'm a liar, a cheater, say anything that you want, as long as it's over. So when you hear those words, what characters in your book do you think that that song relates to?
Speaker 3:When I kept hearing her repeat say it's my fault, blame it on me. I kept listening to that, and it's very rare when a woman would actually admit that In all of these cases, none of the women admitted to what they were doing. In many of the cases, the men. I won't tell you the outcome, but as each person got up to tell their story about being married to one of these female characters, in their story they explained what decision they made in the end. Some made some decisions that were expected, others didn't, and so you'll get a chance to see that when you read the story. But it made me think about the fact that many of these women, especially the narc women, will not explain and will not apologize at all, and so that's really why it's important for me to present this other side, because I've heard it all the many times I've had conversations with women always blaming the male, and it's not always the men that's off fault. It's us that have to examine our own hearts to see what we're contributing to this, and not only that blaming the person because of the fact that you chose that person when you chose the wrong person in the first place. So a lot of it has to do with our own choices, and if I can offer stories that would help both male and females discover what they need to do in themselves first, then I feel like I've accomplished what I've set out to do To focus on themselves first, so that they can be ready for the person that God has for them, because really love is possible for anybody.
Speaker 3:But we have to apply the right strategy. We have to look for the right content. Just like we look at a book's content to make sure it's something we want to read, we want to make sure it's a good, it has good content, it's written well, it says what you wanted to say. Well, we have to examine the heart of the person that we're considering spending our lives with, because this is a lifelong commitment and we don't take that approach much anymore and it's important for me to really talk about it. So I'm saying that if this is her saying, say it was my fault, yeah, it is, and it's good that she accepted ownership of it. But the question becomes does she ever change? Does she put in the work to make sure that never happened again? And so that's the key, because she sounded like she would be pretty dangerous to date, or even marry.
Speaker 1:She was very dangerous. I heard that when you were speaking about those characters, even to y'all. I don't know if y'all know, but I was an art creator okay, because I'm VIP. But when I read that book y'all, let me tell y'all I was texting Dr Vielba like, oh, this part and oh, that part. Oh no, she didn't girl. Yes, she did girl. Like this book. Oh, my goodness. That's why I told Dr Vielba I said this book made me look in the mirror and say, oh, you got some work to do, girl, you got to fix yourself, okay.
Speaker 1:And so don't beat yourself, don't cheat yourself, just fix yourself. So in fixing you, you can attract the person that you want, or you can keep the person that you have because you could think that you got them, but if you don't change who you are, you don't even know that that person just may be slipping through your fingers. So you have to be careful and getting too comfortable with the mate that you have that you don't see or recognize your flaws and want to change yourself to become a better version of you, okay, absolutely. So with that, you see it here I go with this breath. She didn't told y'all what I do.
Speaker 1:She didn't told y'all how to peep game. Now I got to switch it up, okay. So in what ways does Grayson emphasize the importance of avoiding foolishness when selecting a life partner? Can you provide some insights into the specific qualities of foolish women that are described in this book?
Speaker 3:Sure, he again. He really goes into depth, in detail, in the beginning so that the men will know what to expect, and in many cases he will add on to the conversation. After presenter presented his own story, grayson would come back and add on to that because he wanted those moments to be teachable moments with the men. And to give you an example, when he presented that first survey, he explained what the man was saying in the survey in terms of what he felt were some of the challenges they found in their dating, and he speaks to dysfunction and how to be careful with dysfunction. He speaks to going into detail regarding the questions you need to inquire about concerning that person, so that it's not superficial questions anymore. We used to have those questions that I have them in the first book, where Grayson says that there's the simple dating questions. But the strategy changes now because there's so many other elements happening in the lives of people today that he adds on what he calls tough questions, and those tough questions used to be the kind of questions that you wouldn't even get to until you were at the engagement phase. Well, now we can't wait for that, because you don't want to be engaged to a person. That really isn't the right match for you. And so now we?
Speaker 3:Grayson encourages the men to get into those tough questions early. We know that some people who have had marriages before and was pursuing someone as their second mate, they got into the tough questions because they learn from the first time. Then it's not superficial dating anymore. We're not. We're not in high school, is what I call it. We're not in high school anymore. We're not talking about the type of dating you did in high school. We're talking about really examining the heart of the person, very similar to what you would do to do your due diligence. When you're dating, when you're preparing to go into business with someone, you examine that person's history, financials, their reputation, all of that. And so it's the same way. Now we have to get tough.
Speaker 3:And so Grayson says look, guys, you have to look at the red flags to understand that if you see something that's red, he refers to red as our stands for retreat. He stands for extremely dangerous. D is dangerous, he said. Look, any type of red flags is not to be ignored. They're there for a reason and they're there for your protection. If someone's in trouble and they need to surrender, the very first thing they're going to do is lift the red flag. He said there's a reason, it's the signal. There's a reason he's going to be covered hill.
Speaker 3:So when he looked at and shared with them that first survey, he talked about the fact that the person wanted to make sure that Grayson covered things like the relationship baggage. I'm not interested in that. I talk about baggage in the first book. But this man offered that as a topic to be discussed because of the number of women he's dated. That came with baggage and I don't understand why we want to continue to do that. Nobody wants your baggage, no one. So you got to deal with some of the stuff in your past right away. And then the other person says Well, what about the microwave women? Why? Why don't women know how to cook anymore? Nobody wants a microwave woman.
Speaker 3:So we introduced that and one of the characters, the fact that she was having her friends and family members and she went to her, her presenting meals to their husband as if she was cooking those meals. So she she was living a lie with her husband. And then there's the issue of mental health. Mental health, physical health, whatever those issues are has to come to the surface, a part of the conversation. And then it talks about the fact that some women want to sit and just watch the housewives all day. That's one of the guys said sit and watch housewives all day, not pick up the broom, the vacuum cleaner, the dust fan, nothing. So the house is a mess. So he goes to work, comes back and that's what he's got to deal with when he comes home.
Speaker 3:So Grace deals with so many of these as well as those who claim to be Christian. One guy says those women who claim to be Christian, but her behavior is not Christian. She wants to have sex with a man before they marry. That's not Christian behavior. So he was offended by that. Then some men say that women say that they're women of God, but never picks up a Bible, never prays, never shows any of the behavior a Christian woman would show, and so they were shocked by many of these things. So again, those are examples of red flags, and if it's red it's definitely a signal that you need to turn around and go the other direction.
Speaker 2:Is it cheap? Ladies, help me up. Do you love me? Oh, los Angeles. Oh, is it cheap? Said I'm tired of all these ups and downs. Do you love me? Oh, los Angeles? Oh, is it cheap. Fellas, tell me what your thing. Do you love me? Oh, los Angeles. Oh, Is it cheap.
Speaker 2:Here's the reason why I ask these things. I was giving him the best of me, but my best stop being good enough. I'm telling you I won't do anything. Talk about a woman who loves tough. And now he's coming home real, real late. I let him know it's starting to bother me. He never once even touched his blade and no response. He just went to sleep. Just tell me what. Do you think it could be Heading tired or do you know me? I'm tired of this up and down mystery. Please answer questions from one, two, three.
Speaker 2:Love me, los Angeles?
Speaker 2:Is it cheap?
Speaker 2:Oh, ladies, help me out, love me?
Speaker 2:Oh, los Angeles, is it cheap?
Speaker 2:Said I'm tired of all these ups and downs.
Speaker 2:Do you love me? Los Angeles Need to know this. Is it cheap? Fellas, tell me what your thing? Do you love me? Yeah, los Angeles, is it cheap.
Speaker 2:Can you see why I ask these things? You used to take me shopping All the time. You used to go club hopping All the time. Where you were, I would be All the time. Now all you do is leave me Be behind more, be your best friend. Remember we were close like cousins. Remember you used to give me loving and now All you do is strip it. Lay, please tell me.
Speaker 2:What do you think it could be? What do you think it could be Tired? Or do you know me? Said I'm tired of this up and down mystery, so please answer questions from one, two, three. Do you love me? Yeah, los Angeles Need to know. Is it cheap? Tell me, fellas, do you love me? Is it cheap? Los Angeles? Is it cheap? Cheating on me? I gotta know. Do you love me? Gotta know. Los Angeles, I gotta know. Is it cheap? Ladies, you gotta ask yourself sometimes Do you love me? Does he love me? Los Angeles, is it cheap? Is it cheap? Is it cheap? Is it cheap? Do you love me? Los Angeles, is it cheap? I gotta know. Said I gotta know.
Speaker 4:Do you love me Los?
Speaker 2:Angeles. Is it cheap? Is it cheap? Do you love?
Speaker 1:me, is it cheap? Now, dr Velma, let's say this Look, I'm going to take it now because this is a point to the questions, to the song. You know it's a point, you know it's always a point with Linda, ok, yeah, yeah. So let's say you had somebody come in, right, because we were just speaking on questions. You were just saying that you know you have to ask these type of questions before you get engaged. You know what's going on, right, you need to know before these things happen, before you involve yourself and get married to somebody who you really don't know. So you want to make sure that you avoid those red flags.
Speaker 1:So when this, let's say you had somebody come into your office, right, what they call you for a console, and they ask you these questions when dealing with they may, and they say and they telling you, like all this stuff that Tamia is saying in this song, what would your advice be to Tamia? Let's say she didn't sing it, even though there probably would be a little pleasant and get you out. But if she and get you out topic, but if she was to call you and just explain, just like she did in the song, like what was going on with her and her marriage and wanted to know the answer to these questions. What would your advice be to her as a data and relationship expert?
Speaker 3:It would be important to know a little more history about who this person was when she first met him, to get an idea of what was happening between the two of them when they first married, because it could be that he was showing signs of many of this when he married, when she married him. Again, going back to the whole idea of making sure you're really scrutinizing the person and understanding their history, their past, their practice, their history, their history, their past, their practice, their heart, all of that she sound like she was describing someone that I would not consider to be someone who's strong and a man of faith. It doesn't sound like that, although there's, everybody can fall into that same pattern. The other question I had was if she did not see these things early on, what caused that to change and what were they doing to make sure they continue to cultivate their marriage? Because you can't just walk down the aisle and not think that you cannot continue to pour in to the relationship, because it's just like a plant you have to nourish it, you have to bring sunshine, you have to water it. It takes work, and then we're changing constantly in a marriage relationship Having been married 49 years, we're always changing, and so to have this idea that I'm only given this much? I've heard that statement I'm only given 50. He better give 50. So we don't know what the dynamics of that relationship was, and I would need to know more about it to see what created this problem, because the problem didn't just happen. It was something that was building over time, and that's one of the reasons that I believe in marriage being discussed and prepared way before you even meet that person, so that you can begin to understand what you're going to have to do in it.
Speaker 3:I don't know if she's a praying woman. I don't know that either, because let me tell you, there are always something that will come creeping in your relationship if you let it. There's always something that's looking to tear down what you built. If you let it, there's always something looking to tear apart what you have, because everybody's not happy for what you have. And so all of that are questions I would need to have. I need to know where she is in her faith and I need to know where he is in his faith, because you can't reason with a fool. If he's not a man of faith, you're just wasting your time, and she probably should not have married him in the first place, because when you, the scripture says you can't reason with a fool, because they believe that whatever position they are taking is the right position, even if it is a foolish position. So all of that I'd have to have and I'd have to know, because until I understand where they were in the beginning, until I understand where they are in their faith, we cannot marry without God. We have to have God in the center of it, because he's that third court. So the three-fold court cannot be broken and it won't be.
Speaker 3:God is the author of marriage and we forget that he created it to benefit himself, not just for us. We are not the only ones that get the benefit out of it. God does as well, and so we have to keep them at the beginning, keep them in the center of it throughout. But there are times when the enemy to your souls will come and try to attack that unity and agreement that you've been called to have. And so we honor God in it. We honor him and what we do with each other, what I do to my husband, what he does to me, we honor God in that.
Speaker 3:And so it takes it to a whole new level in terms of how you love, how you show grace, how you extend forgiveness, how you let things go, how you discuss things, how you wait to discuss things Because it doesn't have to be resolved today. You're not going to let the sun go down on your anger, but you're also understanding that you can also pick, discuss it and discuss it more later. It doesn't all have to be done the same day. So there's tricks and tools to it all and applying what the scripture gives us in terms of making and creating a happy home. But you got to do a lot of this way before you march down that aisle. You can't try to repair things once you're in the middle of it all. So I'd have to know more about our questions.
Speaker 1:I agree, she didn't give a lot of in depth and even with that, she was just asking him. You know, you know, basically from what I got, it was like she was blaming him for everything, if that makes sense. Like everything is like are you doing this, are you doing that, are you doing this? I mean, it was just so caught up in do you love me? That question you should ask before the. You know that.
Speaker 3:You even love yourself.
Speaker 1:Do we love you? I was like wait a minute, do you love me? Have you lost interest?
Speaker 3:No, they're not at all the questions, because I'd have to get into the details of who she is and what she's contributed and what happened in the very beginning, because this is not something that starts slipping sometime later. These are things that were probably showing up all along.
Speaker 1:That's what I was just about to get ready and say, and I was gonna say you made a valid point, that sometimes, a lot of times and that's where I was going with this too, even though we're talking about the men and the red flags for the women but sometimes, you know, women, just people Excuse me, I'm so sorry. Humans in general, we tend to close our eyes to the things that that are wrong, right, just so we can say, hey, we got, this is ours. We ignore those signs and then you know, oh, it's okay, it'll be better. It'll be better when we get married. But, like you say, if you are not a praying household and that is not a man of God, that thing is is destined for destruction, because everything is built on the lie and it's built on ignorance, because you're ignoring things, and it's built on lust and fetish and nothing that is of God, right? So it's like, how do you expect to build a house with water, right? How do?
Speaker 3:you build a house with water. I understand If it's slippery now slippery in the beginning, what do you expect to build on it?
Speaker 1:You know you go far. So as you hit the, so you walk through the door, you're going to fall, because it's no way that, if you are building a strong foundation, that you don't know that that man loves you and you don't know that that woman loves you, right? So the song is just not for women. About me, you can use that in all aspects and turn that around. That could be a man singing that song and I take y'all on that journey a little later, but okay, let me see. So how does the book address the concept of finding the right wife? What strategies or guidance does it offer to me in this regard?
Speaker 3:It's very similar and Grayson uses the similar tools that he used, many of the tools that he used even with the women. Again, taking your time to examine, providing specific questions, as I said early on, doing your due diligence to really research who this person is and what, and validating who they say they are. Some people say they are something and that they're not, and there are many tricks and tools to discovering that as well, whether or not they're telling the truth. But he does use some of the same strategies that he shared with the women making sure that you're asking the right questions, and hard questions too, and I remember having conversations with some women who were a little uncomfortable asking questions. I'm going well, look, either you're dating to get married or you're just dating. Go back to high school, that's just dating, having fun hanging out, that's all you want to do. But if your goal is marriage, it's important that you ask those important questions. And so Grayson delves into the questions that they need to ask. You know even questions about family dynamics, your relationships with your family, even questions about have you ever had any financial issues and what did you do about it. Questions about your financial health. Questions about your life have you ever lost a place because you hit you know hit a rough patch? What did you do? How did you handle it? It's all kinds of questions that really get into who this person is. If you're meeting a person and they've never had their own place, you're meeting a person at this stage in your walk and they've never had their own car, you're meeting the person that you think you're interested in and they've never managed their finances themselves. Somebody else did it. Those are red flags and it's important that you know that. So Grayson is preparing the men to stop looking at what they see on the outside, because all of these women in these stories were beautiful women. They were very many of them are very successful women. But that is neither here nor there when it comes to really examining the heart or the essence of who this person really is, and simple questions like yes, you want to know. Do they know God? Do they love God? Do they serve God? Yes, you want to know those things, but there are other tough questions I just mentioned that you want to know as well, and so I think it's important.
Speaker 3:He goes into each of after each of the presenters. He then uses what he heard from the presenters as an opportunity to teach and prepare the other men whether it was the narc women and what the man had to do to to look at changing his behavior. In the case of the narc mother, he had to go to some form of counseling so he can look at how to better present himself in a healthier way to the wife that he wanted so that he can do better in terms of having a husband and wife relationship. So he he actually went into counseling and he worked with Pastor Grayson a little bit.
Speaker 3:Some of the guys actually walked away from some of those relationships and went into counseling or they began working with Pastor Grayson to make sure that they can uncover and let go of the weight that they developed as a result of being in these kinds of relationships. So it takes time to uncover, to release, to let go, to overcome some of the things in your past before you began to look at a person as a serious mate for yourself and making sure you're examining them closely in terms of their heart. Who are they really? Who are they really? How do they handle difficulties? How do they handle uncomfortable situations? Do they get angry? Do they get mad? Do they process it correctly. All of those things are important and Grayson deals with all of it in these stories.
Speaker 2:Turn down the bed, turn down these voices Inside my head, lay down with me. Tell me no lies, just hold me close. Don't pay tonight. Don't pay tonight, cause I can't make you love me if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something. At home, here in the dark, in this fire, the flower, I will lay down my heart Head through the power, if you want. No, you won't. I'll close my eyes and I won't see. But love you don't feel when you're holding me. Morning will come and I'll do what's right. Just give me till then to give up this fight. And I will give up this fight, cause I can't make you love me if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something.
Speaker 2:At home, here in the dark, in this fire, the flower, I will lay down my heart Head through the power, if you want. No, you won't. I can't make you love me. No, if you don't say you ain't got love, you ain't got love, you ain't got love. I can't make you love me. No, I can't do this. I tried my best, but you put my heart to the test. Oh, I tried, I tried to get through to you, girl. Oh, can't you see that I'm crying, as you care, cause I can't make you love me, oh, if you don't.
Speaker 1:Dr Velma, tell me what you like about that song. That was the intro yes, he got some powerful ballads that people don't even know about.
Speaker 3:He has some that guy he said I can't make you love me no, and who are you supposed to make of the other person in love who wants that?
Speaker 1:A lot of times people are in relationships pleading for this person to just see how much I love you. Can't you just see why you don't love it, why you don't want to be with me, why not me, instead of saying you know what? I'm not for you?
Speaker 3:No, that's right, you know, ready to say. That's what it means. And when you get into those questions and asking how do you love what, what, what experiences have you had in the past and how do you know what is your commitment to you, know your future made you got to ask those tough questions because you can get into that and you might find out this person doesn't know how to love.
Speaker 1:Exactly, exactly. I have noticed about watching just like different things on TV, like real life things and and just watching. You know I'm on Facebook, you know, and Instagram. I'm a social media, you know personality and influencer or whatever. So I'm on there a lot because, first of all, they pay me. I don't have to be on there. But even with that, like I'm on there and I'm just seeing statuses from people and you know it, really it breaks my heart that they are so uneducated on what is like to love their self. Right, and you love yourself. You don't have to beg somebody to love you.
Speaker 1:You do not, they don't love you. Once you recognize that you can walk away with no regret, you can say you know. Okay, I see what it is because God got somebody for me. But, like I said, that's all again being rooted in that word and knowing your words.
Speaker 3:I remember that was the problem in the first book with the catfish. He loved women who had no, who had poor self worth, who didn't love themselves. That was the smell that he enjoyed the catfish.
Speaker 1:I was getting to the catfish See Dr Belmont's all the way ahead of me. That was my next point and I was going to bring to the catch about the catfish and he was praying on the ones that did not love themselves. He prayed the catfish prayed on women with low self esteem, Like you guys. Got to get this catch series Leading me. I want to do a game on here and the person who wins the game Can you do that for me, Dr Belmont? The person who wins the game with the purchase of a preorder, can get a bundle an ebook bundle of the catch series.
Speaker 3:You're all in the buttermilk because I'm working on an ebook bundle.
Speaker 1:Okay, so all they have to do is email me, because I want it to be for me. Unless you don't mind, we can do two, and one from you and one from me, however it goes, but email us. You guys is email address, or find me on Facebook and DM me your email address. So when Dr Velma gets this bundle together, the winner of the game that I'm going to play and you guys got to call in and give me the answer the win, the two winners of the games that I'm going to play will, will win the bundle of the catch, the homework basket and the wrong catch with the purchase Of Dr Velma's book. The wrong catch shield tear down the house. What do you think about that, dr Velma? Is that good enough?
Speaker 3:I don't have to create it. We can just create it to send it. That's fine, yes, Okay, great.
Speaker 1:So I want to get some people to call in, but before you guys call in, I've got a question for Dr Velma myself, so I need you guys to hit that button below my picture to call in when you have the answer to the first question, after I ask Dr Velma this last question, because I want to make sure I get through all the questions. Okay, with cat, with its captivating stories and strategies, what do you hope readers will take away from the wrong catch shield? Tear down the house.
Speaker 3:I'm hoping they can take away some principles that will help them better choose in their selections and make better selections, and their their goal to discover the mate that God has for them.
Speaker 3:I'm hoping that by reading these stories they can discover some of the mistakes they made and then, by reading some of the recommendations that Grayson makes to both the male and the female, take those in and then apply them to their own lives, because every principle that I've used is based on biblical principles, without being preachy, but just weeding it those principles within the stories. Because I found that this has become a lost art and we need more successful marriages out there and the only way we're going to get them is if we begin to approach them differently. And because we've lost the art of really examining the person and you asked me earlier about that question concerning Grayson, and he hone in on it and preached on it constantly throughout this male conference that he said men fall in love too quickly and you need to pull it back and really get to know who this person is and fall in love with her character, her characteristics and the essence of her heart before you fall in love with what you see on the outside.
Speaker 1:One more question, dr Velma, and this question is from Miss Queenie. Who is your target audience for this book, dr Velma?
Speaker 3:When I set out, I thought my target audience was going to be around the age of the first character, veronica, the one who the father had to do the intervention with. But I'm learning that when I did ran the analytics of those who are actually following my books and reading my books, it actually goes further. The majority of the people who are following this book and the guidelines in the book are in their 40s, 50s and 60s, and so I accept who's gravitating towards the book. I can't really specify who I think should read it. I think that any age group should read it. Who's serious about marriage and discovering they may. But the analysts analytics showed me something different and I'm very pleased with it because we're looking at the golden bachelor now you made my mistakes, honey, you made yours too.
Speaker 2:So how can you raise all the shit we put each other through? We were supposed to be together through the good and the bad, but you're folding up. The pressure left our love in the past. Did you ever love me? Or was it the things I did for you gave you all of my heart, but I guess it wasn't enough for you all. No, I know it's giving take and I gave all I could give, said you would be there, darling, and you turned around, and you did. When things got around, you chose to run. I don't think you ever loved me, not like you said you did. Wasted my time, you wouldn't try. I don't think you ever loved me and that's why you quit. We made a promise to God to love to him again. Just like that. It's all gone away.
Speaker 2:As I sit here wondering, blaming myself for everything, I can't help but think why me? Why me? Why me without anyone? In our explanation, you decided for the both of us that you'd be better off without me, even if that's so fucked up. When things got around, you chose to run. I don't think you ever loved me, not like you said you did. Wasted my time. You wouldn't try. I don't think you ever loved me and that's why you quit. To give all my yesterdays, how can you take on tomorrow and throw them all away? I'm all I know best. But one thing is for you when things got around, you chose to run. I don't think you ever loved me, not like you said you did. Wasted my time. You wouldn't try. I don't think you ever loved me and that's why you quit. You're getting around me like you said you did. No, no, no, no. There's no way you'll leave. I still believe. I still believe in our love. I still believe in our love.
Speaker 1:I still believe in our love. I still believe in our love. I still believe in our love, I still believe in our love.
Speaker 3:I still believe in our love. The answer came in and just kind of whipped it at the end. But just the fact the worst that he was saying I'm going oh my gosh, why did you wait so late Again, just making sure you apply the right strategy in the very beginning and you don't have to get into it and then find out later that it wasn't what you thought, because you've already examined it. It just takes more effort and being more sincere about your desire to discover who that person is for you, and you really gotta really take your time to do that. But not jump in, because people fall in love with the idea of love. People fall in love with the idea of marriage and it's a lot more than it takes. More than that.
Speaker 3:Speaking from somebody with 49 years, let me tell you you have to be prepared and you have to know what you're going into and you have to know what you're going into, who you're going into your marriage, with, what tools they have, what tools you have, where you're both benefiting from and what can you both contribute to it. Because let me tell you that craziness out there, I'm giving 50, he's giving 50. I think I heard something in one of the songs, one of the lyrics that talked about I'm giving this and you're giving that. But no, that's not true. Sometimes I'm getting 4% out of the 100 because maybe I'm down on my back sick, and my husband's giving 96%. You cannot get caught up in these little crazy conditions, because that, to me, is contractual and a marriage is not a contract, it's a covenant, and you're there. As long as our total is 100% between myself and my husband, then we're good and it doesn't matter who's giving what percentage. We're contributing to the whole and that's what's important.
Speaker 1:Hey man, girl, I was screaming at the phone while I was on mute because I ain't wanna disturb. But I'm like hey man, dr Bam, if I have to, you better tell them, girl. You better tell them what they need to know. Now I have two callers that are calling in with questions. The first caller that I'm going to introduce is Carolyn Coleman. She actually has a show on AMP as well, called Gentry's Journey. Carolyn, what question do you have for Dr Velma?
Speaker 6:Good evening, dr Velma and your listening audience. I had the pleasure of being an art reader and I simply loved it. I adored it and I know it's. You know you're just finishing it, you're just putting the finishing touches on it, but do you have something in the works already that's gonna come behind? She'll tear down the house.
Speaker 3:Carolyn, I could count on you to be in the buttermilk. I know I could count on you because you are so strategic in the way you think, and absolutely yes. Some of the readers. When I told them I was gonna take a pause from the fish analogies, they said please bring the fish analogies back. But because I had to include a lot of what the father gave Veronica in the first book in that second book. It was where I was able to put the scripture references. There will be people who wanna know where those references are and would wanna see what the questions look like, and so that's why I created that second book. So, because this is the conference for men, I'm absolutely going to be bringing the conference packet so that people can see what was in the packet for the men. That's gonna be one book and there's definitely gonna be follow-up books as well. Thank you for asking that.
Speaker 6:You're more than welcome and I do have a comment as well, if you don't mind listen, linda, the age groups that you gave. I'm around a lot of those women in the age group and older and I can see it resonating with them, because I hear their conversations Is the distrust I hung on, I did this, I did that, so I can definitely see it. So you're correct, just take the age limit off, because a lot of people are entering their in. Some people have put off personal life or professional life and now they're in their 30s to 40s and they can't seem to find love. So, yeah, just take the limits off the age, because love, relationships, affairs of the heart, things of that nature they really just don't have a limit. They really really don't. But I can definitely see that age group being some of your top sellers.
Speaker 3:Thank you, Carolyn. It was just something I thought in the beginning, but that goes to show you how God has other plans. Turn that out, turn that out. I ain't hoping, and when I saw those analytics I knew then that's where I was supposed to be.
Speaker 6:Great, great, great. All right, thank you so much, Dr Bellman.
Speaker 1:Thank you Now the next person that we got coming up is Cherise King. If you guys do not know who she is, she's another co-offer in the she Say yes To Herself anthology that we all are part of, but she also was just on with me at three o'clock on the powerhouse. So, cherise, really quick, can you tell us what question?
Speaker 5:you have for Dr Bellman. Well, can you hear me Hello?
Speaker 5:Yeah, we still hear you, I'll take a minute, well, actually, with these young ladies. Again, thank you for allowing me to be on the actress' question. But about the things I've been with age really, which was really great for her to say. But I think she's picking up questions with my eyes. She's 86, and I'm thinking of me being a single woman. What about finding love or making it to become the right person at the right time for the kind of guidance up for me? But I'm realizing that there is no age limit.
Speaker 5:So this is what you're often telling us, is you're firing to us as women that you know you don't have to wait and settle. God has a plan for us and I'm just trusting and believing God for that. But what advice would so for me, being who I am, being a firing actor, being the often everything that I find is that sometimes it seems like men, whatever they do, it's like they're in competition, and I'm not in competition. I just want to know that I'm a complete hope as my own self, and so sometimes I feel a little bad like am I supposed to dummy myself down? How do you think that we should handle it when we're in our real life and we're going back out to the right person when we were on to the newer. How do you handle not, I guess, being competitive or being competitive with us, because I'm not competing, I'm just being who I am and called to be. What am I supposed to do?
Speaker 3:I actually addressed that in the third book, the Role Kid, and because one of the ladies that's in the book she represents a very successful woman and she had to identify something in herself that she didn't realize was there, because there is a condition among successful women that and I was trying to find it. If I can get it before we get off this call, I will share it with you. But in the book she admits to the women that she discovered that she had the syndrome that's found amongst successful women hold on. And what it says is that you are so groomed to take an issue or a problem and so committed to making sure that you're able to turn it around or make it successful, whatever type of work you're in, that you're so focused on creating success and whatever type of work you've been given, that that is your goal. And sometimes they found that the same woman who is successful in that arena tend to apply the same tools to a relationship that I can make sure that this is successful, I can make sure that this is turned around so that I can be successful with this person, but those tools that you apply in business does not work in a relationship.
Speaker 3:I also heard that there are women who it's not that the men are feeling intimidated by a person's success. I can give you an example of my own. I was a deputy administrator with state government and I had the responsibility of overseeing over 10 employment offices and over 100 staff. But when I came home, I left that title and those skill sets I used in the boardroom the room and the, and I was just my, my mother and my sister that's it.
Speaker 3:I didn't have that with me. So my behavior, my tone, my talk, the words that I used was different at home than what I used in the boardroom. I had to show that I was in control in the boardroom, but at home I had to just be me. And so what happens is sometimes we don't turn it off on a date and men are not looking for your abilities on the job, they're just looking for a woman. And sometimes what I have to apply in the boardroom can come across as menly because I don't get the power and my authority in the boardroom. But on a date all of those things have to be put aside, because sometimes it comes out and if that is what's showing up on a date, then a man gets offended by that, not your success.
Speaker 5:That's how, wow. So okay, I got it. I understand that's me.
Speaker 3:He's looking for your femininity. We have to exert ourselves and have some manly and apply these things to do business. But you have to reel that all back and reel it in and show your feminine side on your date with a man, because if you don't, all that masculinity will turn a man off and a lot of women think it's because they're successful and it's not at all. Those two things I just mentioned to you. One I mentioned in the book and the purple book, because one of the characters admits that that's what she brought to the table and the actual syndrome that professional women have, that I can take this thing and turn it around and rebuild it and make it successful and then they do the same thing in the relationship. That's a syndrome that professional women. So it's not about the man Again, it's about us examining ourselves to really see what we bring to the table and correct it.
Speaker 5:The best dynamic information I would take. That is definitely tool for my artillery to go back and study. Thank you. I appreciate you.
Speaker 1:Yes, and we have one more person that had a question, Michelle, if you look under the bubble under my picture, you'll see a mic or a telephone or something of the sort. If you could just click that button and call in, I will be able to invite you in. I'm gonna play another song while we wait on Michelle to connect. If anybody else has any questions for Dr Velma, just let me know and call in. At the bottom of the screen you should be able to call in.
Speaker 5:That's right. Yeah, Life is funny, yeah.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I'm in that with it, somebody I really don't want to be with and nothing's left to see me.
Speaker 2:Come and check me. More than a woman and goddess were all seized. All I ever needed Was a right here loving me. For a while we were cool and grooving and love was on, but I still remember how it felt when our love was gone.
Speaker 2:Oh, picture it, the photograph she took years ago, sting memories in some time, raising her mind.
Speaker 2:You eat Well, be so kind, heartbreak time. My God is breaking, ooh, yeah, from your eyes, from the land, like a mirror, a feeling I see, I see you. Yeah, so someone from a distant past. Way back long ago, my heart said To the glass Don't help me out. As you turn through the pages, the tears roll down her face. I can see her reminiscing why her life had to be this way. Then she stopped as she came to a page where her diary is To smell the scent of in-no-rows From her lover, I suppose.
Speaker 2:Oh, picture it, the photograph she took years ago, sting memories in some time, raising her mind. You eat Well, be so kind, heartbreak time. You picture it, the photograph she took years ago. Oh, be so kind. Like a mirror, a feeling. I see you, yeah, so someone from a distant past. Way back long ago, my heart said To the glass, to the glass, to the glass, to the glass, oh, she stands. To the glass, oh, be so kind, like a mirror. A feeling, I see you, yeah, so someone from a distant past. Way back long ago, my heart said To the glass, to the glass, to the glass, baby picture, stand a broken glass From a broken memory. I feel it what the woman is feeling. Yeah, you gotta know it too. Was it someone from a distant past, way back long ago? Your break is mine, your break is mine, your break is mine. Baby picture stand a broken glass. Oh, be so kind, like a mirror. A feeling, I see you, yeah.
Speaker 1:So someone from a distant past, way back long ago. Your break is mine, your break is mine your break is mine, your break is mine.
Speaker 3:Your break is mine. Your break is mine, your break is mine, your break is mine. Your break is mine. Your break is mine, your break is mine, your break is mine, your break is mine. Your break is mine, your break is mine, your break is mine, your break is mine. Now, that's only the last one One. But now that's only the last one that you need to get out of there.
Speaker 3:But in that statement she said she flew past the 40 days and kept dating this guy, which was her big mistake. She asked herself why did she fall for this guy so early? And in her statement she said in my job, when I put in the work, success is the result. My error in this relationship was seeing this guy in the same way as I saw my job, assuming if I commit to him and work hard, I should receive the same results. I learned the hard way and shouldn't have applied the same If I work hard, it will pay off approach I used on my job in this relationship. That was the syndrome it's actually you can Google that syndrome. It's a syndrome that a lot of professional women have. They feel that if they apply the same work ethic. In a relationship, it should result in the same thing as she gets out of her job. So I just wanted to share that. So I'm sorry, jacqueline.
Speaker 1:Oh, no, no, no, and that was Cherise King. She's actually another one of the co-authors in the. She said yes herself, unapologetically. She's Cherise King. Yes, yes, yes. So before we get to the next lady that called in Michelle was not able to call in, but she did text me her question. And her question is what steps would you advise if the red flags were missed? Now married but separated. Now the person who presented the red flags is wanting to try again. What advice would you give? What should the homework be, besides counseling?
Speaker 3:First of all, you have to examine what the mistakes were in the very beginning. And my first question is what is your faith level? What do you both believe? What do you both believe? Because you cannot, I can't talk about marriage, except the kind that I know that God expects us to have and he expects to be at the center of it. Did you, was he a part of this decision-making and in the separation? What were the reasons for the separation? What were the problems that surface and why did they surface and why weren't these some of the things you examined in the very beginning?
Speaker 3:So I would definitely scrutinize the situation. I would prayerfully ask God to guide you, because here's the thing that I do know that if you are believers, once you're in it, you got to be very careful with what you do with it, because I know that God is. His thoughts are so much higher than our thoughts and his ways are not our ways. God has this wonderful way of creating testimonies out of situations. So it could be that I don't know, but you do have to go into prayer and make sure you're hearing from God. And I'm not talking about counseling, cause I remember when my husband and I hit a rough patch. We went to a counselor and it was so worthless I couldn't stand it and we got out of there and the one thing that we did do is we decided to uncover and get rid of what we forgot to deal with. And the best book I can recommend to anyone and I recommended to all the ones that I, my husband and I had provided pre-marriage counseling to, I recommended to singles, I gave it to my daughters before they even discovered any maid or even thought about marrying. And that is love as a choice. It's a workbook. You do not need the book, but the workbook, and it's a wonderful way, it's a wonderful tool to go in and uncover and let go of the weight that you don't even realize you have and if you don't deal with it, some things we know on the surface that we need to get rid of. But there are other things that this book does. It's written by Christian psychologists, it's scriptural based and it helps you pinpoint those things I'm telling you I had.
Speaker 3:People don't realize that your relationship with your parents will bring, come forward into your marriage If you don't based on scripture. Scripture says honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long. And the next piece of that, that it may be well with you. You can go into the perfect, best loving marriage, but if you didn't deal with what you had in terms of your relationship with your parents, you will bring that problem forward into that marriage, cause God says it will happen and I didn't realize what I was bringing forward based on my relationship with my mom, some things that we didn't ever got a chance to resolve, and my mother had gone on to be with the Lord.
Speaker 3:But in the workbook it required that I, because I couldn't talk to her I had to write her a letter and you, talking about a healing, a purging experience. I wrote it as if she was sitting right there in front of me and it helped to deliver me from some things that I wished I could have said to her in her presence. So I'm saying to you that marriage is a spiritual thing. You cannot treat it like the world treats it and think you're just gonna walk down the aisle and anybody can walk down there and marry anybody you want to. But if you want to build a life based on what God says, you got to include him in it and the best place for you to start is to get that workbook.
Speaker 3:My husband went through it. He had issues with his father, stepfather. We both had to go back and deal with some of those things. So now I give it to single people Get rid of your stuff now. Put things in order now before you go into marriage, so you don't bring those things forward that you don't realize you hadn't dealt with. And so that would be my recommendation to Michelle Be prayerful and hear from God, because you don't know what God is saying right now.
Speaker 3:But also it's important for him to put in the work to correct whatever errors he made during that marriage. That's on him, not on you, and it's important that a man do that without you present. He has to prove that he is ready to do this, and so you have to do that as well. Get the workbook and he get the workbook. Love is a choice workbook. You don't need the book, just the workbook, and it will help you walk through those issues and get rid of them and, in the meantime, remain prayerful in terms of what God will say regarding this relationship, cause I don't know where you guys were in the beginning and whether or not you were in him in the beginning, but that's where I would start.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for that, Dr Bellman. And Michelle is on. She cannot call in because she's tied up, but I know that she thinks you so very much. And that's actually Michelle Gillespie, another author, and she say yes herself, unapologetically Awesome awesome. Yes, so we were just at the Chicago Women's Expo today too, together. So she's a great, great girl. So thank you so much, michelle, for that question. And our next question is coming from I think I know who this is, but I'm gonna let her introduce herself.
Speaker 7:Hello, this is Koushara Halliburton. Thank you so much for allowing me to ask a question, jacqueline. I appreciate it and this question is for you. Dr Velma, I had a question about okay, so this is the fourth book in your catch series. Out of all the books in the catch series, which book has been your favorite to write?
Speaker 3:I'd have to say that my favorite at this point is book number one. Just creating the analogies using the fish and listening to my brother describe the fish, the behavior, their personality, where to catch them, where are they laying the water, how they said, what they eat, what they prefer, what they won't do, it was just amazing because I could see the man that would match that particular fish right away. So I think that was my favorite so far.
Speaker 1:And thank you, shara. Thank you, shara, for that. That was a great question. And now we are about to get ready and play the last song and then I'm gonna come back. Well, it's not the last song, I'll take it back. This is not the last song. I'm gonna play the next song and then after that we're going to come back and do the game. And do the game, because I got a game I got.
Speaker 1:I hope you guys have been paying attention to the interview because when I come back, I'm going to ask you guys about things that we have talked about during this segment and whoever can give me the correct response will win the catch bundle. Okay, so, right after this song and Dr Velma, don't whoop me, but you go like this song, okay, okay, nevermind, I thought it was the unexplosed, I thought it was the edited version, so we're not gonna do that. But y'all know where I was going with that. But no, no, no, I didn't know it was the explicit version, so I'm cutting on off. Okay, so we're gonna go to the next song. We'll go to the next.
Speaker 7:Okay, girl. I was like oh, oh, now wait a minute now wait now, ron.
Speaker 1:Now I didn't even know. You said that in the beginning. Now wait a minute. Now, okay, so if y'all know where I was going, we'll bust it, because if y'all not, y'all not an arc reader, so y'all don't know, but in this book, busted if anybody who know this song. I'm gonna go to the next one. Dr Valver, you know where I'm going with this one.
Speaker 2:You will be my first love. Oh, baby, you and only you. Long as I live, long as I live, you will be my first love and I'll choose you again. I'll keep it. No candy coated Valentine Memories of you, you when you were mine. A tarnished dream on a tarnished chain. Time keeps changing cold, sun or rain. Long as I live, long as I live, you will be my first love. I'm first love and my only love. Long as I live, long as I live, you will be my first love. You will always be my. Oh, be my first love. Long as I live, long as I live, I'm not your baby. Sing to me. You will always be my first love. You will always be my and I'll choose you again. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Speaker 2:A tarnished dream on a tarnished chain. Time keeps changing cold sun, cold sun or rain. Long as I live, long as I live, baby, yeah, you will always be my first love. I'll always love you, baby, my first love. You will always be my. Oh, be my first love. Holy, oh, yeah, yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:My first love. Okay, first question In the beginning of this interview, dr Velma talked about a specific character in her book called the People Pleaser from. She said yes to herself. I mean now she said yes, laura, forgive me the wrong catch, she'll tear down the house. She talked about the people pleaser. The first person to call in and tell me the characteristics of the people pleaser when pertaining to women will receive the first bundle. The first person and, ms Quinney, I'm sorry, this is not for you. Okay, so you are the people that can call in? I'm sorry, dr.
Speaker 2:Velma talked about the people pleaser Dr Freddie said it was located in another city that you're standing in the middle of a bar and you're the people who volunteer to snap out to the blockchain. You have to be park. 그래서, because of the people who are specifically doing the privatisation of the actual programs, I never knew such a day could come and I never knew such a love could be inside of one. I never knew what my life was for, but now that you're here, I know for sure. I never knew till I looked in your eyes. I wasn't afraid till the day you walked into my life and I never knew that my heart could feel so precious and pure.
Speaker 2:What a story. I just see you every morning, every night, every day. I just feel your heart beating beside me. Every night, every day, I just feel this way, together till the end of all time. Where can I just spend my life with you Now, baby? The days and the weeks and the years will roll by, but nothing will change the love inside of you and I and baby, I'll never find any words that could explain Just how much my heart, my life, my soul will change. When no one else understands, we tell God and the whole world.
Speaker 2:I know You're my man. You just spend my much life with you. Oh, baby, can I just spend my life with you? No touch has ever felt so undeclared and no deeper love I've never known. Oh, I swear this love is true. Now it's forever to you, only for you. Oh, I just feel your heart beating beside me every night, every night. I just feel this way, together till the end of all time. Can I just spend my life with you? No one else will run to you. You're my woman, you're my man, you're my man. Can I just spend my life with you? You're just spend my life with you. I just see you every morning when I open my eyes. I just see you every morning when I open my eyes. I was listening to the word.
Speaker 3:They simplified it a little bit. They're in love for each other. Especially that part, I wrote it down. I never knew until I looked into your eyes. It's something about the essence of that person's heart. She was able to pick up on it there, but I'm sure there was more to it than just what she just talked about. But it was really beautiful.
Speaker 1:So beautiful so we got a caller coming in. I hope you got the answer, ms Audrey and Moses, how are you tonight?
Speaker 8:I'm doing well. How are you all doing? Hey, Dr Velma.
Speaker 3:Hello, hello my dear, how are you?
Speaker 8:I'm doing good, doing good. I don't have a question. I just wanted to pop in and say hello and to just really say that anybody I know I think I wrote this on a chat that we had but I think anybody that is single, even if they're dating, if they're thinking about dating, they really need to read all of your books, and they definitely should read them before they literally get into a relationship and definitely before they marry, because I think it is a great way for them to really know especially well women and men, for them to know what to look for in their meet. So, but really, I just wanted to say that I'm really proud of you and I tell Dr Velma she's my role model. So, and I just wanted to say that and to just say I love you and I love you too, ms Linda. So I'm going back down to the bottom now. Love you back, ms Audrey All right.
Speaker 1:Okay, since no one knew the answer to the people, pleaser, dr Velma, can you explain to us one more time, for the people who may have come in late, what is the characteristics of a people pleaser?
Speaker 3:When I introduced her earlier I talked about the character who had been kind of timid and misused and abused because she was timid growing up. But she realized that she can use those same behaviors of pleasing everybody, even though she was being forced to please everybody back then. But she can use them now to her own advantage. So now she's using it to manipulate other people to get what she wants from them. So it's narcissistic behavior, but her behavior is camouflaged. As she uses and chooses to please other people. She's pleasing them and her kindness and willingness goes a long way, but she's using it to get what she wants out of them. So when she gets married she uses it in the marriage too.
Speaker 3:So she's the kind of woman that will say yes to everything her husband wants, Doesn't matter. There's no debate, no conversation, no discussion. It's just yes to everything. And at some point he gets tired of it because he's looking for conversation and dialogue and exchange and a different point of view. And she won't give one because everything is yes, because she doesn't want to trouble the waters as long as she gets what she wants. So she enjoys serving and giving and doing for her husband to please him, but that's it. No intellectual stimulation at all, no conversation, nothing, just yes to everything. So she's a manipulator.
Speaker 1:And you know what Michelle had partial to answer, so I'm gonna go ahead and gift you with that, michelle, cuz she put it in the chat because she can't call in, and I'm just now seeing it, but it was a time back before you explained it. So she put in I can't call. But it's a person who consistently strives to please others, often sacrificing their own wants or needs. So that's part of the answer. But the other part of the answer is that she takes it and, like Dr Velma so eloquently put it, she twisted and uses it as manipulation towards her husband, but towards other people as well. So she goes above and beyond. She never says no, but she used that as blackmail and manipulation towards her mate. Am I saying that correctly?
Speaker 3:That's correct.
Speaker 5:Okay yeah girl.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so Michelle is the winner of that challenge. Now, the next challenge I wanted to ask you guys is what is the name of the first song that I played tonight? Who can give me that answer? You can either call in and this is for anybody you can call in or you can put it in the chat. Somebody put in the first song, or call in with the first song that I played tonight, the person who can give me that answer correctly. Okay, you gotta give me the name of it, michelle, you gotta give me the name of the song. I know it's my mother-in-law song, but what is the name of this song? Because I'm gonna tell you why I need it.
Speaker 1:Dr Velma went in deep about this character. Okay, I gotta call her. I got Miss Queenie. I already knew it. Miss Queenie, go call in Now. Miss Queenie is saying you're unavailable. Try to call in again or put it in the chat. Put it in the chat. I know it's Mrs Cox, but I need to know the name of the song, the title of the song, not the artist, not the artist. The title of the song that I played tonight. There you go, miss Queenie, my bo-ass. So now we have a winner. Miss Queenie is the winner. It's called my Bo-Ass, and Dr Velma, tell us once again what you think about that song, my Bo-Ass, and how sometimes people can get that song misconstrued or that story in the Bible misconstrued with how they should go about in their way of finding a mate.
Speaker 3:I think it's important for you to follow whatever God puts on your heart and to make sure that you are doing exactly what he instructs you to do. In that particular story, it was specific instructions that she was given and that's not always the case and it's not always the way it's going to happen. The other thing I pointed out was Bo-Ass was older than her, so you got to remember that it doesn't necessarily mean that your mate will be older. That's what a bo-ass represents. It could be that your mate will be the same age as you my husband and I are the same age or it could be that he could be slightly younger. You don't know what God has in store. What I do know is that I don't try to put God in a box concerning your mate. Just know that God has a plan and your heart has to be open.
Speaker 3:I had, I remember, sharing my story. I have a 99-cent e-book it's called my 70s Love Story where I talk about how my husband and I met, and I remember joking about the fact that my teacher asked us to create a husband-to-be prayer list, and I have that in the first book second book too as well To create a husband-to-be prayer list. I always encourage my adult daughters to do the same. Have a vision, because people without a vision will perish. Your goal is marriage. Make that a goal, have a vision for it and then have write down some idea of the characteristics of that person's heart. You would like to find in that mate what I did at the time in 10th grade. I had no clue about characteristics of the heart or anything. So the stuff I had on my list was I wanted 6-2, god and Lord. I want bold legs, because bold legs were popular back then in high school. All that kind of stuff that I talk about.
Speaker 3:That are all conditions, and so many times, even now, when my husband and I hold hands in the prayer line, I'm looking down at his feet, laughing, with God going God, you got a good sense of humor. I asked you for bold legs and you sent me this man with sleuth feet and he's not even 6-2, god, he's only 5'9". So God has a sense of humor and you have to be open to what he has planned for you. Open your eyes and stop closing the door on what you think that person will look like or be like, and allow God to present to you exactly who you need, who will match you, and that's what I hope that you will do. So bold ass is one aspect, but don't get caught up in that. This is not. We're not talking about a wrong kind of conversation. This is real life and it should be strategic in terms of your love for the man that God will have for you.
Speaker 1:You know you are absolutely right when you speak about God and his sense of humor, because me and my husband like I tell everybody we started off as friends. I will always go after a different type of God and I have to change my mindset, to change my life right. I knew that he was a really good friend to me. I knew that he would protect me from things, even if that means that he would jeopardize you know, things that he really cared for in order to do those things. But I just never saw him as, hey, this is the guy that I'm supposed to marry. Even when my mother, my grandmother, told me that's going to be your husband, I laughed it off like you've got to be kidding me. No, that's just my, that's just my friend. Or that's Sarge and Cox. I used to call him. Oh, that's just Sarge and Cox. But, like you said, you got a funny sense of humor. The guys that I used to date were total opposite in complexion and height and weight. Everything was the total opposite. But those things always went bad. So I had to dig and really find myself.
Speaker 1:After my last relationship with my older son's father, I had to really like just stay single. And I stayed single almost four years and just really build my faith over start over. I got baptized when I was seven months pregnant with my son and I just turned my life over to God. I got into foundation classes, I got into prayer ministry and I just really buckled down and say you know what, god, I just want you to get me right first. Get me right for my child. And that's where I was at in my season when God said you know what, I'm going to spend him back around one more time and if you don't get it this time, you just going to be lost. But that's what he told me. Now I can't tell nobody what God told him, because I'm not a proper liar, but what he told me I'm going to spend him back around in your life one more time and I'm going to work through him and show you how much I love you by using him as a vessel. And that's what he did.
Speaker 1:And when that man stayed with me at that hospital, when not one of my family members showed up and I got cut from one end of my neck to the next twice and took care of me and my child, that he did not have to because it was not his. That showed me that this man is the man like my grandmother said and like God told me, was the man I was supposed to marry, and I didn't run and chase him down, said, oh, you got to marry me. We came to that conclusion together. We prayed, we manifested on it, we took foundation classes and we did, and we put in the work and we are continuing to put in the work. The data that we cited that we were going to be together for a marriage and date for marriage was October 24, 2013. So on the 24th we will be 10 years together.
Speaker 1:On the 18th of December we will be eight years married. We are almost 20 years of friendship. So this is something that I tell people a lot. You never know. You don't know who your mate is going to be. You can write it down, you can make it plain. God will take that thing and ball it up and laugh in your face and say, huh, you think you're going to tell me what to do? I am God, not you, okay. So thank you so much for that, dr Vem.
Speaker 1:I just had to get my testimony to tell people. You are absolutely right in that, because even though I looked at him and I thought that's a handsome man I say that in my book as well that's a handsome man. But it would never cross my mind that this was the person that I was going to marry, that was going to love me, love my child, give me another child. Okay, I never, never, never imagine that in this and I just thank God for him. I thank God that he uses him as a vessel to prove to me how much he loves me. God works through him, god works through my kids, he works through Dr Velma and all my listeners. So I just want to say that Is there anything that you would like the listeners, dr Velma, to take away from this podcast today and then tell everybody where they can find you and about your virtual book tour that you have coming up as well.
Speaker 3:I'm just going to add three words of wisdom that I talk about on a regular basis, and that one from my grandmother. She said that God will not send you a broken glass to cut your lip. Now you can see it's broken and decide to go along with it anyway. But if the glass is broken, you ought to be able to notice that right away, that just see something broken in that person. And then my mother said that I should always look for a mate, that if I'm ever down and I'm unable to care for myself, she said, the first person that you see when you open your eyes is that husband of yours taking care of you to make it, making sure that you're okay. That says a lot to me, because remember those moments when I said if I'm down sick and I'm only given 4% and my husband's having to carry the 96%, then that's okay. And those moments sometimes the percentage will switch and I'm giving the majority of the percentage and my husband is down, but it doesn't matter. Our goal is to ensure that we're operating as 100%, a unit that God caused us to be to operate as one.
Speaker 3:The other thing I wanted to share is that it's important that you understand that seasons change in your life in a marriage, and so that's why I talk about the importance of preparing way before you get there, because those seasons will come and you got to understand who your real and true enemy is, and because the word of God tells us that we wrestle not with flesh and blood. So, even in a marriage, you got to remember not to put a face on the enemy, because he doesn't have a face, but he will disrupt things and he will bring things to make. It appear Is if it's coming at the hands of another person or someone in your relationship, but you have to remember that he's faceless. So stop putting a face on the enemy and practice maintaining peace based on that. Attack your enemy the way you should, because he's not flesh and blood. And so those are the things I wanted to share and share with you all as we close. You can always connect with me, and so I'm going to stop.
Speaker 3:Look, with the release of my new book coming up and being a part of this new anthology project, you can always sign up, subscribe on my face on my website, dr Velma bagbycom, I'm going to be. I love giving away freebies and things of that nature, and I love giving things I like, so that's going to begin to happen as we move closer to the release of my book next month, so please stay tuned for that. I'm on all social media platforms. On Instagram, I'm Dr Velma bagby, the author. Author. I'm on threads, linkedin as well as Twitter. So, and Dr Velma bagby, I have a page as well as a profile, and then I have a doctor's Velma authors and friends groups who have been having a great time in that group with other authors, publishers, graphic designers, readers everybody in that group and I'm going to be able to connect as well that way.
Speaker 1:And before we leave out, I will leave out with a close out prayer and then with the last song. Thank you so much again, dr. Dr Velma, I truly, truly appreciate you coming on and hanging with your girl.
Speaker 1:Okay so you guys know that I will not be doing one on one interviews anymore after October. So if you have not gotten your slot with me, please see me in my Facebook messenger and give me your day in time and see if we can work something out. Another thing I will be moving and still doing shows and highlights. So just because I'm not doing one on one interviews does not mean that you cannot book me to do either a book highlight or business or brand highlight. Well, I read excerpts from your books, I speak about your books, create a playlist about your books and then have people call in to either give reviews about your book or questions or you know anything that I can do in that way, and I will be doing that on an app called Station Head, where listen Linda first started on Station Head, so find me on Station Head, listen Linda 23, because after October amp will be shutting down so everybody's moving over the station here. So just keep that in mind.
Speaker 1:Dear Heavenly Father, we come before you today with grateful hearts for the opportunity to engage in this interview with Dr Velma. We thank you for her wisdom, her insight and the message she has shared through her book the Wrong Cat She'll Tear Down the House. As we conclude this interview, we ask you for your blessings upon Dr Velma. Grant her continued inspiration and guidance as she imparts her knowledge and experiences to readers. May her words resonate with those who need to hear the message of caution and discernment in choosing a life partner. We also ask for your blessings upon the readers of the Wrong Catch. May they be open to the lessons and strategies that are shared in this book, and may it lead them towards healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
Speaker 1:Lord, we pray for all those who are seeking love and companionship. Guide them in the journey, lord God, to finding the right partner and empower them to discern wisely. Help them to cultivate relationships built on love, respect and shared values. But, most importantly, lord God, help them to build relationships on your word. Finally, we ask you for continued presence in Dr Velma's life, granting her strength, inspiration and success in all of her future endeavors. May her work continue to impact and transform the lives of millions. Lord God, in your name we pray, amen. Thank you guys so much for tuning in. Thank you, dr Velma. I appreciate you so so very much. Good night, jesus. And I'm going to end this with Dr Velma's favorite song, favorite gospel song. I'm going to go ahead on and end it with Dr Velma. This one is for you, it's called, it's you.
Speaker 4:I woke up one morning and I heard this song, or this phrase in my spirit and that's all they were saying Ooh, ooh.
Speaker 4:So as time went on and time went past, the Lord saved my soul. And hanging out with my sisters and I began to talk about the song and one of the sisters in the room I was telling her that all I had was the ooh and she held her head down and she looked up at me and she said it's you. I looked at her like it's me. She said no, the song, you're talking to the Lord. You're saying it's you, lord. And then she began to say that. Then I began to say yeah, that's what my soul is saying it's you. Everything I need is you. It's in you. So as I began to go over to the sun, I just began to just apply those words.
Speaker 4:And I said Lord, can't, nobody do me like you.
Speaker 2:Well, it's you, I know it's you, yeah, it's you, lord, it's you, lord, it's you.
Speaker 4:Everything I know I need is in you.
Speaker 2:It's you, lord, and I know I found out that there ain't nobody to me like you. My, my, my, my, my it's you, I know it's you. It's you, jesus, you, yeah, everything.
Speaker 4:I need. Everything that I want is in you, lord.
Speaker 2:I know it, I know.
Speaker 4:I know, I know, I know, I know that it's you hey, okay nobody do me like you, my, my, my, my it's you, it's you, jesus.
Speaker 2:You Everything that I want.
Speaker 4:Everything that I need.
Speaker 2:Everything that I designed. Yes, it is Nobody but you, it's you. Lord it's you, lord, only you can save my soul, can't nobody do me like you.
Speaker 4:Nobody do me like you.
Speaker 2:My, my, my, my, it's you.
Speaker 4:It's you, jesus.
Speaker 2:Everything I want, everything I need, I need you, I need you, jesus. Only you can satisfy my soul, and my soul is singing. Singing is you, you, you Can't, nobody do me like you, you, you, you you, no, no.
Speaker 4:Can't nobody do me like you.
Speaker 2:No, no, no. Can't, nobody do me like you. Well, can't nobody do me like you? You.