Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, and that's why I'm opening today's podcast with a heart brimming with appreciation for Miss Queenie Clem. Her unwavering support has been like a lighthouse guiding me through stormy seas, and it's with a similar beacon of insight that Dr. Velma lights our path on the intricate journey of relationships. This episode promises an enlightening exploration of her "Catch" book series specifically “She’ll Tear Down the House revealing the all-too-real presence of narcissistic behaviors within the dating scene and the strategies to navigate toward a harbor of healthy, long-term partnerships.
Have you ever felt the tremor of a toxic relationship or the struggle to find spiritual harmony with a partner? Dr. Velma's wisdom doesn't shy away from the rugged coastline of these challenges. We delve into the nuances of shifting from fleeting attractions to undying connections, emphasizing the sanctity of self-care and the art of discernment in love. The conversation casts a net over the sacred covenant of marriage, the missteps of external judgment, and the anchoring role of trust and prayer. Steer through the foggy waters of proving your relationship to others, and discover the personal growth needed to find a companion who's spiritually in sync with you.
In the sanctuary of this podcast, we conclude with a chorus of affirmation for the personal and subjective nature of each unique relationship. Dr. Velma and I both put on our spiritual armor, championing the idea that leaning on faith and God's teachings is the compass that guides us through relational squalls. We weave our listeners a tapestry of trust, prayer, and divine focus, emphasizing the importance of seeing the challenges not as setbacks but as setups for greater blessings. Join us as we sail into the vast ocean of love, relationships, and spirituality, buoyed by the hope that through faith and wisdom, every listener can find their way to a love that's both steadfast and divinely guided.
Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, and that's why I'm opening today's podcast with a heart brimming with appreciation for Miss Queenie Clem. Her unwavering support has been like a lighthouse guiding me through stormy seas, and it's with a similar beacon of insight that Dr. Velma lights our path on the intricate journey of relationships. This episode promises an enlightening exploration of her "Catch" book series specifically “She’ll Tear Down the House revealing the all-too-real presence of narcissistic behaviors within the dating scene and the strategies to navigate toward a harbor of healthy, long-term partnerships.
Have you ever felt the tremor of a toxic relationship or the struggle to find spiritual harmony with a partner? Dr. Velma's wisdom doesn't shy away from the rugged coastline of these challenges. We delve into the nuances of shifting from fleeting attractions to undying connections, emphasizing the sanctity of self-care and the art of discernment in love. The conversation casts a net over the sacred covenant of marriage, the missteps of external judgment, and the anchoring role of trust and prayer. Steer through the foggy waters of proving your relationship to others, and discover the personal growth needed to find a companion who's spiritually in sync with you.
In the sanctuary of this podcast, we conclude with a chorus of affirmation for the personal and subjective nature of each unique relationship. Dr. Velma and I both put on our spiritual armor, championing the idea that leaning on faith and God's teachings is the compass that guides us through relational squalls. We weave our listeners a tapestry of trust, prayer, and divine focus, emphasizing the importance of seeing the challenges not as setbacks but as setups for greater blessings. Join us as we sail into the vast ocean of love, relationships, and spirituality, buoyed by the hope that through faith and wisdom, every listener can find their way to a love that's both steadfast and divinely guided.
I'm gonna say, say I'm gonna die Like I'm really yours. That river that I go to when it heals me, my comrade, is already never ending. Every minute is my whole life. So I can't say Stop being a bulldog and a genie. That river that I run to when I'm empty, it keeps flowing every morning, wasting mercy. I don't walk you through the valley, I will not see it. I will never be convinced that he's not there. Be courageous. He never changes, never found a whose present in his seasons. Make no mistake about it. His name is Jesus. Jesus, when I was five, I got down on my knees and prayed to you. I found peace in your presence. Like all my favorite girls, I thought of westerns and, down in my soul, prayed to you. You gave me so much. When gifts are worth a second and I believe me, I'm just easy that's what he can't give me. I know that he is always with me. You receive me, you hear me, you receive me. You never miss him today.
Speaker 2:Yes, blessings on blessings, Blessings on blessings. I just want to say thank you guys, so much for tuning in to listen. Linda, today, today we have a special guest, but before I bring her in, I want to just highlight one thing. I want to say thank you so much to Miss Queenie Clem. You are truly, truly, truly a gem. I don't know what I would do. Truly, I appreciate you. I thank you so much for always tuning in, always just being just a vessel and allowing God to use you and every talent that you have. You guys, I've been so caught up in everything that's going on around me I have not been up to speed, and Ms Queenie reminded me today of a lot of things, including this show. So I just wanna say hats off to Ms Queenie Clem and I just, I truly appreciate you as just a friend, as somebody I can call if I need to just vent and let it out, which is not often, because I just I usually take my anything I want to do and I leave it at the altar child. But I know, if I called Ms Queenie to talk, that she would definitely be one that would be willing to talk and give her advice and give it, whether I like it or not, she gonna tell me what it is. So I just wanna say thank you so much for that, ms Queenie.
Speaker 2:As we wait for Dr Velma to arrive, which I know she will be coming in any time right now, I'm gonna play one more song, okay, and then, hopefully, about a time we're done with this song, dr Velma will be in the room, okay, so let's do another song. Let's add another song here. I wanna do one that I know Dr Velma would appreciate. Let's see, let's do Patricia Cox. Let's do have your Way. Let's do have your Way by Patricia Cox. Why are we waiting? No, let's do it's you by Patricia Cox, while Dr Velma. Why are we waiting on Dr Velma to come in?
Speaker 1:okay, let's do that ["The Song of the Spirit"]. I woke up one morning and I heard this song of this phrase in my spirit and that's all we were saying it's you, ooh. So as time went on and time went past, the Lord saved my soul and, hanging out with my sisters and I began to just talk about the song and one of the sisters in the room I was telling her that all I had was the ooh and she held her head down and she looked up at me and she said it's you. I looked at her like it's me, ooh. She said no, the song, you're talking to the.
Speaker 1:Lord, you're saying, it's you, lord. And then she began to say that. Then I began to say yeah, ooh, that's what my soul is saying. Ooh, it's you. Everything I need is you, isn't it you?
Speaker 1:Ooh, as I began to go over the song Ooh, I just began to just apply those words and said Lord, ooh, can't, nobody do me like you. Well, it's you, I know it's you. Yeah, it's you, lord, it's you, lord, you, ooh, ooh, everything I know I need is in you, in you, lord. And I know I found out that ain't nobody do me like you. My, my, my, my, my, it's you, I know it's you, it's you, jesus, you, yeah, everything I need, everything that I want, is in you, lord, you, I know it, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know that it's you. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, ain't, nobody do me like you. My, my, my, my, my, it's you, it's you, jesus, you.
Speaker 1:Everything that I want, everything that I need, everything that I desire yes, it is Nobody, but you, you, it's you, lord, it's you, lord. Only you can save my soul. Ain't nobody do me like you, nobody do me like you. My, my, my, my, it's you, it's you, Jesus, you. Everything I want everything. I need you, I need you, I need you. Jesus, you, only you can satisfy my cause. You, my soul is singing, singing as you, you, you Ain't nobody do me like you. You, you, you, no, no, ain't nobody, yeah, ain't nobody do me like you. No, no, no, whoa, no, ain't nobody do me like you. Well, ain't nobody do me like you.
Speaker 2:And we got Dr Velma in the room. So thank you, dr Velma, so much for coming into the waiting room tonight on the Listener Show. How are you? Hey, good evening my friend. I'm doing well. I'm glad to be with you this afternoon Evening. I should say yes, yes, yes. Now, y'all know I got questions. So Dr Velma was a little timid earlier because I, you know, I talked to her and she, you know, she kind of chewed me up a little bit, but that's okay Because y'all know I ain't scared, I ain't scared, I got questions and I appreciate Dr Velma for coming on, because you know what they say Do it, do it and do it. Scared, you were nervous, but most of all, do it to your satisfied okay, and so she is here today. I appreciate you so much.
Speaker 2:I would love if you could lead us in prayer. Of course, heavenly Father, we thank you for today. We thank you for everything that you do, because you do all things well, even when we don't understand, lord, your plan, even though we're in the midst of something happening. We don't always understand the why of it all, but what we can understand is that you have us in your hands, that you're always in control, god, and we know that you will always lead us in a plan path. Lead us today in this conversation, god, that someone might hear something that will help them, lord, god, in some of the things they're facing in terms of their dating responsibilities, god, we just pray that it elevates them to a whole new level. We thank you for listening, linda, as a platform that offers opportunity to engage, to educate and to change God. I thank you and I give you a name the glory in Jesus' name. Amen, amen, amen.
Speaker 2:Now I'm going to start and I'm just going to jump right in. We are talking about well, you know how to degrade you the love and marriage doctor, the love doctor, and I want to really kind of go over your background a little bit for the people who may not know who you are. Can you spend just a couple minutes doing that? Of course I can. Good evening everybody.
Speaker 2:I'm Dr Delma Bagby. I am a bestselling and award-winning author. I began my writing journey in 2018. It's only been a short time that I recently released my 16th book. I'm also a certified dating and relationship coach. I'm an art game minister with my THD, I have my theology degree at my doctorate and I'm CEO at and I publishing. I publish all my own books, but I believe that my platform and what I'm intended to do in my writing, my coaching, in my speaking, is to share wisdom, to set with those out there in the dating scene, to set biblical standards for love, because love was made possible already and we still have yet to discover more about it, according to John 316. I have been counseling and assisting my husband as a pastor for over 30 years and together we've done pre-marriage counseling sessions, as well as conversations I've had with singles which prompted me to begin writing the series that we are going to be talking about today, and I'm excited about being with Alyssa and Linda. So thank you for having me, jacqueline, no problem, no problem.
Speaker 2:Now you know I'm going to jump right on into the questions, sure, so the first question I want to ask you because okay, so tell us about the catch series Very briefly. You know you are always, you all hear maybe two, three times a month, and we always think about the catch series. We speak about the catch. No one wants the wrong catch. And now you're on book three, which tells about the narcissist women, because usually the first two, I know you speak about the fish, and the fish pertain to the types of men that women would want to kind of not be involved with. But this one you get a spin. Tell us, how was this one? How was it the same and how was it different? I know that book two focused on narcissistic men specifically, even though book one did highlight some of the characters who fall into that category as well, because I didn't focus as much on that, but so book two did.
Speaker 2:In this particular book, I was responding to the male readers who asked me because books wanted to address the wrong men to date, utilizing fish as their characters. Some of the male readers reached out, including my own husband, asked when are you going to address the wrong women to date? And I thought that was a great idea. I thought that was time for that, because my books are written in a way that doesn't matter which one is the focus, and whether you're male or female, you will find something in each of the stories that you can apply to yourself. And so in this particular one, this third book, it focuses on a conference that past integration decides to give for the men, and so all of the conversations that are happening are based on their conversations at this men's conference, and so that's what the stories are, where the stories are presented.
Speaker 2:Ok, now for the first question. We're going to go ahead and dive in. The first question I wanted to ask you is what motivated you to write a book specifically for men about narcissistic women? I have seen situations that I'm aware of, situations where people are in the wrong relationship with the wrong person. I have again, during marriage counseling sessions, saw couples making an attempt to get married but wanted to address problems they were having that we knew sitting there would never go away, because the real problem was they were trying to marry the same person. And so, in response to the male readers who wanted me to address this, I thought it was important too, because a lot of blame in relationships are the blame falls on the man. Many women will blame the man for their failure in establishing a good, solid relationship, and it's not always them. Sometimes it is the woman, and so I wanted to present those things, and so it's based on Proverbs 14 and 1,. A wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down. So every one of the characters in this book are foolish women, the ones that a man should never attempt to marry. And yet in the stories you'll find that men are sharing their own personal testimonies in terms of what happened to them when they did.
Speaker 2:Okay. Now you know, I read it. I read it a few times. Let me tell you all about this. I was just trying to be so professional. But look, you know what? This book? She got one of them about the microwave woman. Right, let me tell you all. Can you explain just a little bit about the microwave woman? Look, and me reevaluating myself, okay, because I was like now, wait a minute. Now it's been a while since I cooked, okay, and my others were walking around here with an attitude I'm not understanding why. Because he cooking or we eating out. You know a lot of money being spent on restaurant food, because I'm dealing with health issues. It's not that I'm being lazy, it's just some things that I'm surviving. I'm not going to say that I'm suffering, but I'm surviving a few things. You know about Dr Belma, and it caused me sometimes to get, I guess, a little too relaxed and I had to up my game, give me some new pots and pains and put them on a stove honey and show my home. Hey, she's still up in there now, because I don't need a clean up woman coming to my house. But for people who know who the clean up woman is, who the microwave woman is, can we talk about that for a second?
Speaker 2:The microwave woman in the story is the woman we refer to as Queen B, and she had got her husband's attention for the man she planned to marry God is attention early in their dating relationship based on how well she was presenting these meals. So she presented a facade as someone who knew how to cook. She had her friends cooking for her and she had. She was getting food from takeout places, restaurants and setting it up before her husband as if she was cooking all these meals. Until he discovered Once she couldn't keep up with that facade that she began fixing these microwavable meals all the time and he discovered she didn't know how to cook. So she was a microwave woman. Everything she bought, he noticed that she was starting to buy everything that had to go into the microwave and nothing in terms of ingredients that she'd have to put together herself and cook. And that's when he realized that she was faking it all that time.
Speaker 2:And that's what a microwave woman is, and we have many of them these days who don't know how to cook and do not make any effort to try to discover how, not realizing that this is a form of love expressing your love to your husband because you care enough about him to make sure he eats something healthy that's good for him. So it's all about you showing your love towards your husband. It's not about any kind of gender roles necessarily, because if you don't cook for him, someone else will. That's the clean up woman. I know you heard about that song. The clean up woman, yeah. The woman who, yeah. And so she's talking about another woman. We all. That's a clean up one. Go come in and clean up your house. I've been hooked up off the past.
Speaker 2:Now, how can men benefit from understanding these red flags, characteristics and being able to identify them and potential partners? And that's one of the things that Pastor Grayson does at the very beginning. He lays it out in chapter one to the man on day one, before he even invites the guests and to have their conversations about what's important regarding those red flags and a lot of people don't know what they are and his mind and his teaching red stands for retreat, extremely dangerous and understanding those things that you need to be aware of. That would be a clue that this is not a good person for you. This is not a good candidate for the woman that you, that he may be looking for it. We said the same thing in book one for the women who were looking for the right man. It was referred to there as well that she should be aware of red flags and in a man as well. And the only way you're going to get to that is to pay attention and not be so quick to focus on what you see on the outside of the person. You really need to get to know who this person is, and by doing so you'll begin to see those red flags for yourself. It tells you this may not be the one for you.
Speaker 2:You have an acronym for red. Tell me what that acronym is. Tell the audience, because I know what it is. But when you said it the other night, I was on one of your other interviews, listening in and I was like oh, you need to say you know. I was like, when she come, I want my audience to hear that because it hit me right in the chest.
Speaker 2:What does the red flag stand for? It came from the use of a red flag that's used as a warning sign. So whenever that flag is lifted up, it is used to warn you that something's going to happen, something's bad is about to occur. So it gives you a clue to prepare yourself. Something bad is about to happen, so it's the same with dating. Red stands for art, stands for retreat E extremely and D is dangerous Retreat extremely dangerous. That is your flag that tells you that you should not ignore what you see, what you hear, based on what you're getting from that person. That that's a flag for you to be aware of, because you may need to consider not continuing further.
Speaker 2:Yes, so understanding emotional manipulation because that is a huge part of all three of your books is emotional manipulation. How does your book help both men and women with emotional manipulation? We talk about those signs, those cues that you can get that will help you to understand that they're there so that you can see them. That's part of the red flag and part of the strategy that that it's talked about in all the books is learning how to ask those questions that will get you to that place so you can know if there's a red flag there. Sometimes they're not as evident. Sometimes you won't get them until you really ask those specific questions, and that's why it's important to change your strategy. So I'm only talking to those who are interested in discovering the mate that God has for them.
Speaker 2:If this is a person on the line that's just looking for another opportunity to enjoy themselves and that's not the group I'm talking to these are people who are serious about discovering the person they believe is their longtime term mate, and so, therefore, the strategy changes from what I call high school dating. When we're in high school, we date totally different, but when you're looking for someone that you're going to spend the rest of your life with, you definitely want to change that strategy and use the kind of questions that will get you to these answers, those red flags that will help you to see them. See, high school dating you fall in love with what you see and you're just in love. You don't care what the red flags are, how bad the situation is, whether or not this is a good contender or not. That's high school dating, and we're in and out of those kind of relationships all the time. It leads you hurt. It doesn't lead to anything positive. It is a practice that causes people to go in and out of multiple relationships, and it doesn't lead to anything other than damage and baggage. And so changing the strategy for those who are serious about looking for their lifelong mate is what's important, and in that process, it's as important to understand those red flags.
Speaker 2:And you talked about emotional manipulation. There are people who will fool you because you're so ready to be in love with the idea of love. That's what high school dating does Just to be in love with the idea of love, falling in love with what you just see on the outside, which are what I call conditions that can change. What you want to do is to look beneath that. Stop falling in love so quickly and wait until you find something credible that you can fall in love with, a quality or qualities about that person that you discover later on. Then that confirms that, yes, I'm on the right track. But to fall in love the moment you see something is crazy, and we see in every one of these stories how the man fell for it. Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 2:I have all her books, you guys, and I read all of them, cover to cover. I'm telling you I truly adore this lady and everything that she stands for, her principles, me and my husband, even though we're already married, been married eight years, we've been together for 10 years, we've known each other 18 years and what I want you guys to know is just because you're married does not mean that this book cannot help. It has helped us to set boundaries. It has helped us to understand emotional manipulation, not just in ourselves or in our marriage, that we may have not known at first, because you could be married and unknowingly be pulling that heart strings or whatever. You know what I'm saying. Sometimes I may do that and it truly helps us reflect and just look in the mirror and say you know what, jackie, if there's some stuff about you you need to change. Or he'll look in the mirror and be like you know what, marvis, if there's some stuff about you you need to change and you need to work on. And that's where we go when we see guidance from Dr Belma, from Pastor Bagby, or we pray, we meditate, we get back into that word and that is what is.
Speaker 2:Another thing that I noticed when reading Dr Belma's books is it helps us to rebuild self-esteem. Yes, a lot of us may be going through self-esteem issues, dr Velma, being married or even especially, being single women, and I know this book is about shield teardown in the house and it really focuses on men and men having red flags, but by my audience being women, I really want them to kind of to know how does this book rebuild self-esteem? Because we're dangerous. Of course, in both this book and as well as the first and second book, we talk a lot about understanding your worth. In this particular book, grayson reminds the men the worth of a woman as well. So in the other books it was about keeping women motivated and helping them to understand and embrace their value, according to what God has said about them already. So the fact is, he called them good, he called them valuable, he called them worthy, he called them the crown of a man's life and so many others. But in this book, grayson says the same thing to Pastor. Grayson tells men the same thing to embrace who they are as men, to value who they are as well. Because if God calls the woman a Ruby, he definitely wants the men to be at Ruby level if that's who they're looking to spend their life with.
Speaker 2:And so I think it's important to understand the value of who you are, both on the male side and the women side, and so self-esteem is built in the word of God. He always tells us in the tears what I refer to as the tears of love there's God, the loving God, first, and the second thing he tells us is love yourself. That's talking about valuing who you are and who he created you to be. That's number two in the tears. He doesn't even tell you loving others or love yourself until after you've learned to love him and then love yourself. And so it's so important to embrace and value who you are in God, but also to understand that you must love yourself. Because you don't love yourself, how can you love anyone else? So God demonstrates that in the order that he's given us Love him, love yourself and then love others.
Speaker 2:Yes, and another thing I want to point out is about the self-care and self-reflection. I noticed that when writing all three of the books you touch on that tremendously about. Just from what I got from the book, everybody gets different views but even going through when you had your fission allergies in the first two books and then the homework book, you speak a lot about self-care and self-reflection. And I know with the second book, with the wrong catch, that book kind of emphasized on the importance of self-care for women involved with narcissistic men, especially that trophy, and that was another one in there. I can't think of his name right now, but anyway, it encourages the women to kind of prioritize your emotional well-being. It offers strategies in maintaining their mental and their emotional health. How is that important? Again, I know you kind of touched on it just then, but this was going to be my next question how was that so so important and how was that being in alliance with God?
Speaker 2:Because I said something the other day and it stuck with me so much because I also got that from the interview that you did with Ellen, where you spoke on making the list and becoming the list. That's right, so you can talk on that briefly. Yeah, so you can talk about the actual characters of the book. Yes, and I did a post the other day saying the same thing, because what we do is what women tend to do, even if we encourage them to create a husband-to-be prayer list is what we call it, what we'd like to have in that mate. We're lifting them up before it's the Lord and asking him to sit. A man with these qualities is what we're saying.
Speaker 2:But I said that it did make sense for you to create a list for him and you can't even meet the things on the list, because that's not fair.
Speaker 2:So it goes back to self-examination. It goes back to making sure you know where you are at the time, because you may not even be ready if you stop to do an self-examination of who you are and where you are at the moment. You may not, you might find that you're not even ready for someone if you walked into your life at that point and that's why we talk about that a lot in all three books Take the time to examine yourself, see where you are. There may be things that you need to lay aside and get rid of, because you've been dragging them along, dragging them along for so long you don't realize that they're there, and it can get in the way of you discovering the perfect mate for you. And in all these cases that's what we talk about in all of the books Take the time to make sure you're examining who you are and where you are, and so understanding who God calls you to be and knowing who you are.
Speaker 1:Those are all important.
Speaker 2:Otherwise, you're just dragging around a lot of weight that's just going to affect your ability to discover who he is, and so that's why it's important Start with you. Stop worrying about where he is and what qualities he should have. Yes, we can make a list and we can pray about it, but you need to be examining yourself too. There may be a list of things that you need to get rid of, or things you need to overcome, or things that you have you've drugged from your past that you're still holding onto. So those are all things that you need to let go of that will get into the way of having a healthy relationship with the man that you believe are the woman you believe is yours. Thank you so much for that, dr Belma. Now I have two characters that I really want to kind of dive into those characters. If you guys don't know, dr Belma is a she's right at home here on the list of Linda's show. We have maybe about eight episodes right now with Dr Belma. So if you guys have not heard Dr Belma on the list of Linda's show, go on any platform, look me up, listen Linda, post the back Jack-o-Lynn Cox and just replay those episodes so you can kind of dive into some more of the characters, but it's two of them that I want to focus on specifically. Those are the church doll and the black widow. All righty, then.
Speaker 2:So first we're going to go on to the black widow. Can you explain how the black widow character embodies the epitome of a red flag for men who are looking to marry? What are some warning signs that men should watch out for and relationships with individuals like the black widow? Well, she says she was a tough cookie. That's all I can say. She is a tough cookie because she again, if you're picking up some of these things, then you will know right away it's a red flag.
Speaker 2:The fact that she was self-centered. She made it very clear that it was important to her that she be valued and that what she wants is what her mate will provide for her. She's very self-centered and so therefore, she's going to always want everything done her way. She has a level of wickedness. She doesn't care how hard it was for her husband to provide for everyone in the household, as long as he did it, because that's what she was expecting of him. She's really arrogant. She always felt entitled and superior to anyone and everyone else, and she felt like she was supposed to be served. That's how she had this elevated sense of herself. She wanted her husband. He won her in her life. He has to serve her, make sure she's providing everything that she wanted. That's kind of her, in a nutshell, and everything that I have envisioned her personality to be. That's who she was.
Speaker 2:That's the one story that opens with a funeral, because the man just pretty much had a hard time doing everything that she expected him to do and he pretty much had the entire responsibility of the household and the family resting on his shoulders, and so it was very difficult for him. That's who she was. She demanded it, she felt entitled and she felt like anything outside of that she was not willing to accept, and that's really unfortunate for the man who married her. And can you explain in your book? Let me see where it's at. There are specific traits or behaviors that the church doll character possesses that men should be cautious about when considering long-time commitment. How can men tell the difference between genuine religious devotion and potential manipulative tactics? Well, I know in that particular story the husband did not even know what his wife was involved in, and that was what was said about not examining and really asking the right questions. I just remember when I was writing this story, that I did research on how often this happens in many of the churches, and it's more often than you realize. When I saw the statistics about it, it was unreal to me that this is still happening today.
Speaker 2:And what was happening with her was she was very devoted, a very devoted believer, and yet she believed that whatever the leader of her church wanted her to do, that was part of her commitment to serving God, and nothing about what he expected her to do for him was at anything to do with God. He manipulated her and groomed her very early, and what it shows in the history of his behavior is that he always chose young women in his ministry to take on the role of his assistant and in taking on that role, he groomed them just like any other sexual predator would groom a woman to make sure. The only difference is she had to see that this was her job as a believer in her service to the leader of the church, and that had nothing to do with God at all. And that's what happened to her. The only saving grace that she had was the woman who intervened and the husband who stood by her because he had no idea that this leader had abused his wife, and so that's why I was found with fear. If there's any kind of redemption in the stories in this book, this is the only woman that had that opportunity, because she was a victim. She wasn't manipulative like many of the other women in the stories. She was just a victim of an abusive leader who took advantage of her.
Speaker 2:That was going to be my next question what's the difference between the church doll and the Black Widow characters when it comes to their approach to relationships and marriage? How can men identify these differences and make informed decisions about their own relationships? Well, again, this could have been one of some of the red flags that her husband could have picked up on earlier. Even while dating her, he watched her commitment in her service, he watched her around the church, but not one time did he look to really pay attention to how controlling that leader was of her time. Even after he married her, the leader would make requests of her, the work that she had to do, and he assumed the husband assumed that she was just being responsive to whatever her task or assignment was at the church. He had no idea what was happening behind the scenes until it got revealed. So in times of this, this lady really had a heart to serve God, but she just got manipulated. So again, not knowing your worth.
Speaker 2:This character reminded me of the woman in book one that fell for the catfish the catfish who loves garbage. Yes, ma'am, the lady who fell for the catfish was the same Same way vulnerable. He could smell a heart that wasn't sure of themselves. He could smell a heart that didn't have good self-esteem. He could smell a heart that didn't know her worth. The catfish y'all, yep. So in the first book, that's exactly the type of woman that fell for that catfish. He loves smelly things. Catfish sits at the bottom in the mud and the dirt waiting for something smelly to fall by him to eat, and so that's what a smelly smell is to that type of man.
Speaker 2:Whether the church leader or not, he looked for someone he could groom, someone who was vulnerable, someone who didn't know their own worth. In this particular case, this woman thought she was just serving God and that guy took advantage of all of it until her husband and someone helped to intervene, and that happens in the story. But again, the man that dated her never picked up on those red flags. The way she answered every call. The way if she got a call from home and needed to get to the church for an assignment, she left her husband to go to the church to do whatever she needed to do. I call it a warped sense of what her responsibilities were at the church and it's sad, but it's still happening today.
Speaker 2:What are some of the strategies for men to navigate relationships with narcissistic women? I wouldn't even try to have a relationship with them because they're not going to change. And that's the whole idea. When we talk about the fact that the whole book is talking about foolish women, that was the whole idea. Scripture talks about never dating a fool. He doesn't want us to marry a fool either. So the whole idea of the books is to help to point you in the direction of knowing how to identify them, knowing how to pick up on those red flags, so that you understood what a foolish woman looks like and acts like. So that's why it's important the entire book.
Speaker 2:When Gracie Grayson presents this whole concept to the man at the conference, he talks about what a foolish woman looks like and acts like, and that's why it's important to know the behavior of them to understand. And, believe me, if you just read the 60 plus scriptures of what a foolish woman acts like or a man acts like, you'll get a big clue. But I talk about the fact that a foolish woman doesn't know how to operate at all. And so, in terms of what a foolish woman looks like and acts like, she is ill-prepared, she is immoral, she's selfish, she's reckless, she's idle, she hates wisdom, she's negligent, she's a bad manager, whether financially or otherwise. She's a waste, she does evil and she does not love God and she brings ruin to the household. And if you learn how to ask the right questions, you can get to those answers. Is this a fool that I'm dating? Is this a foolish woman that God gives a description of? And that's what you want to make sure that you are aware of. And these, in the stories and discussions that Gracie has with the man, will really help you. I'm sorry my mic was delayed, but also I wanted to add you guys, for the women that are listening, I took this book and I really did some soul searching with them myself, right, even though I'm already married.
Speaker 2:Okay, everything is not always perfect. Okay, people are only going to paint themselves in the light that they want to see themselves in. Not that you are trying to be something. You're not. No, because things are not going to always be good, but when they are good, that's what you want to see, dr Velma, I guess so not really. I guess what I want to say is irritated, but I've learned to take those little posts I see on different social media sites will say, oh, these people be faking like they're so happy. You know this, know that. No, we put that out there.
Speaker 2:We manifest those things so we can continue that. What do you want us to do? Put out that when we fight and put out when we upset with each other. No, that's not what you want to manifest, so don't.
Speaker 2:In my personal opinion, I can't tell you what to do, but what I will say is that I will never, ever speak badly or I don't care what we got going on. We take it to the word and we take it to the altar, but we don't take anything negative. Don't speak it, don't bring it to social media, especially about your partner, because when you do those things, you are not doing anything but opening a paddocks box for that thing to continue to happen. And stop telling people that they need to show or prove anything more to you. Oh, show us that y'all real, have a fight or do this or do that. Everything can be peachy. What can you say to people who try so hard in their relationships or in their marriage to prove to other people that it's not going good, just so they can seem like they're being real enough? What would be? I know that's my advice.
Speaker 1:But what would?
Speaker 2:your advice be? My advice is this that my husband and I were instructed to become one unit and therefore, anytime I would open up my mouth to say anything about my husband, I'm talking about me too, so therefore it's not even worth my time to talk about me to anybody else, because my husband and I are. We operate 100% as one, one unit. And to those that were raised such silly questions like that, I would consider them foolish the very definition of what a fool sounds like. Because many people today don't appreciate and value wisdom. They don't appreciate getting good information, they don't appreciate seeing something good, seeing that it really does happen and seeing that it really can happen, especially if you're in a place where you don't believe that it's ever possible for you that it does not exist. When I'm saying that it does is broken and imperfect as we are. The scripture says we all are that God teaches us how to make it work anyway. God teaches us how to operate as one anyway, and that's all that matters 100%. And the stupid stuff that people say about he better bring 50, because I'm going to bring 50. No, we're going to make sure that we together our number, our number, our total is 100. It doesn't matter if I'm down and my husband has to give 95 and I'm only given five, though as long as together as a couple, our number is 100%, that's all that matters. If I'm not myself, my husband has to do 65 and I can only do the balance of that. That's fine as long as we're operating as 100%.
Speaker 2:And so people who are on the outside don't understand what you just described, jacqueline. They just don't. And they won't because they have a perception of their own life is already off track, and it's a foolish perspective. And so, therefore, I don't have time to have conversations with fools. I don't have time to have conversations with people who will never get the truth because they're rejecting the truth and not accepting wisdom. I'd like to receive the wisdom, and I'm going to bind it on my heart and make sure that everything that God has for me and every instruction he's given me to make sure that my marriage does survive and operates the way it should, I'm going to receive, but there are people out there who will not. I don't have time to do that. That is my point.
Speaker 2:My point is is that, for the use of exact order wanted to say basically a lot of times, people will never understand the covenant of marriage. No, they will never understand what you have to go through when, in order to get to that place where, no matter what you guys are, one, you guys are, are, are, are binded and covered in covenant. Is you, god and your husband that makes that break to make sure that it stays, and what? Once you put God in it and you too, that's all you need. That's, that's, basically. You said exactly what I wanted them to hear. Yeah, yeah, letting the chatter come in to make you feel like you have to prove things to people who don't have nothing going on. They sell. They will never get it, just like.
Speaker 2:I used to always say this, and I'm gonna say it one more time I didn't. I'm gonna get into something else really quick, dr Belmo, because I don't want to hound on it for too long. That's because you are looking the same way does not mean you have the same vision, and what I mean by that is that I could be looking to the left as a giraffe. This person could be looking to the left as a mouse, right or as a puppy. Now we're looking down the same street right. I may see leaves over a tree. He may see the car coming. I can't see the car coming because I'm a giraffe, I'm on a different level and you know, whatever level that is, we can agree on one thing that even though we look in the same way, we're not operating on the same level. Same thing with marriage.
Speaker 2:To me, from what I got from Dr Belmo this is all stuff I've been interviewing Dr Belmo for over a year. I am very well vested to the catch series and so I just take what I'm saying is I have always had respect for my husband. Everybody who knows me know I love my man, my man, my man. But I love God even more. And because I love God even more, because my husband loves God even more, he loves me like he loves the church, and that is the reason why we work.
Speaker 2:That's the reason why we don't even hear what foolish people say, because they will never get it. They will never ring into their minds that this is real. It can't be real, this can't be how it is. Well, you brought over there, over there by yourself, when you lonely at home at night and you wonder why you can't get a man, because you too busy over here looking at me, judging me on what I got going on and you not believing that this is what it takes or this or somebody can be happy without any, you know, with compromise, then you will never understand the covenant of a marriage. You just won't get it. You won't get it because you won't get it. They realize that fools laugh at understanding and they hate wisdom. So they're not going to accept anything they don't understand because they'll never understand it. It's impossible for them to understand. Yes, and hopefully the fools are listening so y'all can pick up the Holy Bible and reminds me of Proverbs one and seven. Says that they hate fools hate godly wisdom and instruction. They're not going to receive it at all. Yeah, so they need to really dig deep into the word and we don't deep in digging deep into the word.
Speaker 2:Get the catch, get the whole series, especially the homework book, and especially she'll tear down the house. I'm telling you guys that book, even though it's for me, it really helped me a little bit more than the ones that was for women. Right, about the catch that no one wants in the wrong catch, because in reading about the different, you know the bad characteristics and women. I saw some things in there that I knew that I maybe needed to correct about my own self. See, in the first two she spoke about red flags. You know, when it came to men, please get those two ladies the catch. Get all three of them actually, because they were help they're 99 cents.
Speaker 2:Now the ebooks are 99 cents.
Speaker 1:The ebooks are 99 cents.
Speaker 2:And I also have for the first few people who have questions for Dr Velma, I have a free ebook or this book, the catch series that no one she'll tear down the house, that I will gladly email you guys so you can have a free copy of it on the on on the house, on the list and then the show. So for the first two people who may have a question about it, if you want to ask Dr Velma a question, just put it put, just put. Hey, I have a question in the comments section and I will give you guys a free copy of she'll tear down the house. I was getting something. I was getting to something. What was I getting to?
Speaker 2:Oh, the ones that no one wants and the wrong catch. Those two books are 99 cents, the ebooks are 99 cents right now, amazon. And in those two books can you just briefly one more time go over for the people who might be toning or just now tuning in about those two, because I know we went over the black widow, we went over to church. But I really wanted to get into a couple of the characteristics from each of those books, the characters from from from those series as well. Right, the first book we talked a little bit about the catfish and that's the one that loves. He loves smelly bait, he loves garbage, and so that describes the person who would want a woman, who doesn't understand who she is, who doesn't know her worth, who has poor self esteem, all of that. That's the one who would love garbage. And then the other character in that first book is the salmon. He hates getting caught. He's the guy that doesn't want to commit to anything. No matter what happens in your relationships, in your relationship, he makes it clear he's not committing whatsoever.
Speaker 2:In book two, kind of the character I really like, I like the book to we talk about the twin, excuse me, excuse me, we talk about the twins. There are twins who take twinning to a whole new level, and these guys got in the habit of just like what they say about twins who can pick up on how the other person is feeling all the time. They started dating the same women and so the women didn't know they were dating two different men at the same time. So I really like that, but again, not really examining and understanding who you're dating. That's what high school dating will do. Excuse me, okay, so okay, I got actually got one of my friends. Her name is Katina Turner. I'm listening in but she can't comment on in the chat box, so she sent me a text. Oh, that's okay.
Speaker 2:Her question is I'm dating someone right now that I've been dating for four years and I've been dealing with some medical issues and he's been here for me. I've been dealing with some unruly kids and he's been here through it all. But he's afraid of marriage because I have grown kids that are still living with me and I don't want to let them go and they end up being hurt like my oldest son, and now my oldest son cannot come back. How do I show him that I really love him and want to want to be with him, but I'm scared to let my kids go. That's what it's like. The kids are grown. They're grown, yes, and what's the issue between the? I'm wondering what's the issue between the kids and him? Is the fact that they're grown and there they're grown and there she's gonna have to him to maintain because he lives, they live together, and then her grown kids live with them, but they are unruly, but she don't want to let them go because she lost a child to the streets so she let them go, that something gonna happen to them, but she keep telling him she don't want to get married. Yeah Well, everything about this story is unruly, everything about the story, so you can't affect it.
Speaker 2:Can you invite in the same spirit that you're practicing? You're inviting it in, and so therefore, it's very difficult if God is to intervene and really say where you should go and what directions you should be led in. It's very difficult for God to be a part of it. And remember, in all of the books I talk about the importance of making sure that God is in the middle of whatever decisions you're trying to make, and right now, everything about this story is not in line with what he would want. It doesn't matter if he's there for you. I mean, that's we actually in this story in book one. It doesn't matter if he's there for you.
Speaker 2:Four years too long to be stringing along and you not married yet. I just heard of a situation where they were string stringing the relationship along for two years, while he was dating someone else for the last two and eventually left the girl. So I'm saying, if commitment is not there right now, it's time to let all of that stuff go and then get your house in order so that you can value for the man of God that he has for you, can value who you are and what you have and the fact that he's a kind care, care. All of that is good, but see, this is the stuff we fall on, we lean on, but yet we got all these other issues and challenges within the household that says neither one of you are ready and you need to get your household in order. If you're talking about having a man to come in and be the head of your home, he can't be ahead If you got all these other heads bopping around in there. And so somebody needs to grow up in this household and really take the hard line in terms of grown people being responsible? Now, if it's beyond their control and they just don't have a place to stay, are they there to just to take advantage of your kindness? Those are things that you have to think about.
Speaker 2:But four years is too long to be stringing a person along and having your life on hold. He there to be somebody better, and that's all I'm saying and having the ability to take care of you and all of that. That's all fine and well, but what are the other circumstances? What are the other good things? But right now there's a bunch of red flags floating around with all the issues happening within the house. Amen, those are only questions that I had. I'm gonna thank you, dr Velma.
Speaker 1:Well, no problem but you will be able to email me again and have further conversations.
Speaker 2:You can email me, I'm pretty sure she will at dr.
Speaker 2:Velmacom. Yes, she will definitely give it one more time. Info at dr Velmacom. That's my email address. Info at dr Velmacom. I'm putting it in the chat now. Yeah, so if you can see the comment, katina, make sure you you reach out to dr Velma so she can give you a little more insight and if you need some more, if you have any more questions, you can reach out to her. Dr Velma, it's been a pleasure. Thank you, dear.
Speaker 2:As always, I did this interview just a little more justice. But I really wanted to dive into the church doll, yes, and the black widow. So is there anything else you want to leave our listeners with? It's part of the characters in the book or something that that we may not have discussed on? You know, in other episodes that you may want to kind of dive into? You know, I kind of like the high eater myself because she's barking orders all the time. But that's just my story, the fact that the father is the one that's telling the story, because he married a hyena and then they raised the hyena. So it's interesting that he blames himself for staying with a hyena and then produces a hyena. So that was interesting Minute cuz I think I remember the hyena. Oh my goodness, right, right, can you go into the characteristics of a hyena cuz? Remember I told you when I first read the book Because you know I have friends that you just listen to them talk.
Speaker 2:They sound like they're barking orders, and so it always make me giggle inside when I hear them. And so the hyena people assume that they're laughing when they hear the noise that they make, but they're not laughing. It's the female who leads the whole clan and she's barking orders, instructing them on what they need to do and where they need to go. So imagine a married, a woman, like her scripture says that a man would rather be on the rooftop in the corner than to be inside A house with a curl from one woman. And but that's what the hyena is. She's argumentative, she's aggressive, she's hostile, she's a controller and that's what she does in the home. And so and no apologies necessary she just runs it the way she sees it, and everybody else in the house have to follow her orders. So that's why she's one of my favorites, because it's the father of the hyena that tells miss Queenie say, are you talking about me laughing out? It's the father that tells the story and he tells how he had married a hyena and the fact that he always stayed away from home Because of how she acts. He was always taken on extra hours at work. I never wanted to be at home.
Speaker 2:And Grayson even talks about some men who go into other areas of Things that they should not be doing because they're trying to escape home as well. So who wants a relationship like that? Yeah, and I had to do a lot of soul searching in that, because I wouldn't say that I was necessarily a hyena, but I wanted those people that I just like I Get a project, I take it and I run with it. Yeah, and it's like no, we have to make this decision together. No, I have to be involved in some way, shape or form. No, maybe I don't want to do that.
Speaker 2:No, you know, and I Don't do it, but it's like no, it the description says the man is to hit, you know, and so I have to learn that sometimes, like it's okay to take the backseat, ladies, a lot of times we get so caught up and being the only person in the front seat that we don't know that it's okay to sit on the passenger side. Yes, it is. If you, if you are if you had true discernment when you married that person, and it's the person that God got for you. Just rest well and knowing that You're gonna be okay with him taking the lead and leading you. The right way is if he is a man of God and he follows God the way that he's supposed to. You know worries will never be there because you know that, no matter what you are saying, right.
Speaker 2:That's why you are you must at rest Trust God in him. That's why he has to know God, you have to know God. Therefore, he can trust God in you and you can trust God in him, because God is the one that's not gonna allow us to go too far, period. Gentry says she has a question or statement. I just invited you up, gentry. Accept the invite. And this is Gentry from Gentry's journey one on here. She also has a podcast that that I Think comes on maybe twice a week. Gentry, can you let everybody know who you are and what's your question for dr Bill? Okay, hello everyone. I Development. You know I really do enjoy the kids series. I think everyone needs to ring, starting at age 14. Oh no, you know so that you'll be preparing yourself for what's out here.
Speaker 2:But I was downstairs doing getting some laundry out when we were talking about, when you guys were talking about, marriage, and the question arose in me why do we even have to prove our marriage to outside people? Why do we have to prove our relationship with the people on the outside? Because they're not gonna understand, because people are going to always try to micromanage what you do, what you say, how you do it, what you have formed as a union or still forming as a union, because everything's constantly involved, evolved. I just don't see where it needs to even be Proving it and or spoken up. That's just me. What do you think? Dr Bill, I'm agreeing with you because again, we're talking about foolish people and there's no reason I need to give a fool an answer about anything. They will never understand it, they can't accept it, they can't process it. That's what a fool does. I agree with you totally because you know when you go to that on hair salon, you know, yes, women are deaf. More women are going to be in the hair salon. More women are going to be, you know, getting services such as manicures and pedigrees done.
Speaker 2:And I listen to the conversations they have and if one person said, yeah, I get up whenever he gets here and you know I go ahead and fix his point, well, I wouldn't be fixing his plate. That'd be like I mean, that's your relationship. Don't tell her how to run her relationship. You know there are some women who say, well, I could, and he go around and that makes sense for me to prepare his plate. It's your relationship. You don't have to explain it to anyone. They're not going to get it because they don't want to get it. So how your household works Operates is the way your household and your relationship Operates, and no one would ever understand that.
Speaker 2:No, never understand it because they don't want exactly what we were saying. That's exactly what we were saying. You could be looking the same way. That don't mean you're gonna see it like I see it, so it's no point. And if people don't understand the cup of their marriage, they'll never understand it. So it's like talking to air. Yeah, it is a waste of time. It's like what, like my permission say, it's like watch your paint dry You'll never get it.
Speaker 2:Yes. Well, there's a lack of understanding, so they'll never be able to process it at all. So I'm saying to the ladies that are out, there is your relationship as long as you haven't bitten off more than you can chew. As my dad told me, don't start what you can't hold out with. And it wasn't with marriage, it was if it was just with the light. And I ask him, what does that mean? He said if you can't Maintain it, don't start it. And that was just powerful to me, just very, very powerful. So Whatever you are comfortable with, you cannot talk about with let it go. You're comfortable with it, then maintain it. You can maintain. Okay, well, make sure you get something good, because you can maintain just about anything. No, I'm talking about a relationship, I'm talking about anything. You know a person that's always borrowing money, a person that always needs you, but they never can come through for you. You know, if you can't maintain that, let it go.
Speaker 1:Just let it go description gives us 40.
Speaker 2:The number 40 for a reason, and the number 40 stands for test and trials. You got 40 days to prove yourself. You don't need five and ten years to do that. No, you don't. You, really, really.
Speaker 2:That young lady that's been ten, put her life on hold for ten years for somebody that was promising to marry her and Called himself planning. He was not Intending to marry her, he was still looking, and that's the one thing that we miss out on. If he's really committed to you and just like the young lady asked earlier, he would figure out a way to work with your kids. It would not be you or them, and that's true. That's true.
Speaker 1:I mean I don't worry about you, that's a red flag right there.
Speaker 2:So stop stringing people along and really pay attention to what they're saying to you. 40 days, guys, did you hear that? 40 days, and that's not like that's 39 nights in 40 days, okay, not 42, not like jack robinson, not 42, okay, 40, 30, that's right. 40 days, counting from the day y'all met, okay. So from the day you meet that person, you got one month, 10 days, to figure it out. If they have not proven themselves worthy of you, advice versa, move on. Move on, because there's other things out there.
Speaker 2:Use the sermon, use the sermon, get into the word. Think, like, like dr Velma opened up with, logically, with a sound mind, right, is this the person that god really, truly has for me? Ask the questions immediately that you want to know, but also go back to that. Make the list become the list. Love yourself, have self-care, have all those things that you want Out of somebody else, already possess those things, the things that the list of the Egyptian scroll that you are looking for in a man or in a woman. Please make sure you you match that, because if you don't match that.
Speaker 2:Nobody that has all those qualities that you are looking for. It don't want your tail, they not gonna want you if you don't match that list. If you have five kids and they got zero, why would you say you want somebody with no kids and you got five? Why would you say you won't Uh, a million there and you a hundred there, like you got? To make it make sense, why you say you want somebody with an esteem education and you barely graduated high school?
Speaker 2:Um, it's just like I'm working on a project now and god gave me the list of the names that he wanted me to handpick for a project, all those ladies that I, that that guy handpicked for me. I was like I gotta get my weight up, cause these are some heavy stepers. They are not gonna want to step out somebody who is lacking in any of these areas that they have already accomplished. So what I need to do? Not saying that, because God don't call the qualified, he qualifies the call. So I'm not saying just because I'm lacking in certain areas that I'm not qualified, but what I'm saying is that when coming to the table and wanting people to follow you in a way, you still have to prove yourself worthy. The same way she is saying could stop me when I'm wrong. Dr Bellma, please cut me off. But I think what she's saying is is, before you go out and think you want to look for a mate, be the best version of that person that you can be. Because if you are make that list and you are at least three-fourths of that list, you are on schedule. But you cannot be nothing on that list and think that that person is gonna come and be everything to you and because they're gonna always feel like you're beneath them. They don't have time. Nobody has time to waste. They're giving you 40 days, so nobody has summers to waste because nobody know how long they're gonna be here. So we have to know that wasting people time and stringing them along is not in the cards for either one. It does no justice for nobody. You're wasting time. That's why I never believed in engagement. Are you stringing them along and you're missing out on what right to be your best mate? I never believed in engagement.
Speaker 2:I told my husband that from job I said I don't believe in long engagements. When you ready and I'm ready, we'll know we ready. And when you give me that ring, we ready. Okay, ain't gonna be no two year planning or when being to get nope, you better be ready to go and get the paperwork done. We can do the ceremony for the audience later. But when you ready, I'm ready. When I'm ready, you better be ready, because I ain't about to be doing this long engagement. And then next thing you know you'd be engaged for five and 10 years and then nobody gets married. But by the time you get married you don't find out that this person ain't the right person for you.
Speaker 2:Discouragement, prayer, work with each other, get counseling, speak with people like Dr Velma, like Pastor Bruce Bagby, speak with people like Dr Audrey and these people who are equipped and coaching and helping you build yourself up first before you can pour your all. And then the number one thing you wanna get into is the word. That helps a lot and Dr Velma's books. The reason why I was touching on that? Because Dr Velma's books are all scripture-based books. They're all Christian books, so everything that she speaks about has a reference to the word. Can you go into that a little bit more, dr Velma? I decided to write the books as Christian Contemporary Fiction so that it would speak to any person, no matter what state they're, in, as long as they're, even if they're not as familiar with the scripture as some of us are, so it can still speak to them, they can still get the benefit of what the scripture says, because that's everything is based on it, and that's what's important that you get the element of what the scripture says, without me telling you this is what the scripture says.
Speaker 2:Thank you for that, queenie. You had a question. I just invited you in. Can you accept the request? The invite, queenie, if you're there? I sent you a request. You had a question. Okay, let me see I may invite her again. Okay, it keeps dropping. Okay. So, ms Queenie, I thought she had a question because it looked like her hand was raised, but maybe we answered her question, because now I see the check marks. Okay, yes, she said no question. I think her hand was raised, but it wasn't Okay, okay. So, dr Velma, is there any last words you want to leave us with? I just want to say thank you for having me on your platform, ms Jaffelin. I always enjoy my seven. As usual, you always have some really key questions to ask, and I just want to say thank you for having me. I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed you too, especially when you were talking about the foolish woman. Don't be trying to prove your marriage to nobody, because no a foolish person will ask you.
Speaker 2:Yes a fool does what's going on in your relationship so they can have something to gloat about because they want to see you doing bad. No, all you're going to get out of us is the good that God has going on in our life so we can manifest that even more. And it's more so about to me, dr Velma is putting those things out there and showing people that look at what God is doing. Everybody feels like this is impossible and that this is fake or it can't be real. Look at how God takes those things and manifests. Everything that's working out for the bad is always working out for the greater good. People think that those bad things happen. They happen, but they always work out for the greater good. So you have to know and trust God to know that whatever you are going through, you'll get through. But also be mindful that just because God brings you through things don't mean that he always wants you to stay.
Speaker 2:If there are red flags run, if these things that are coming up, they're not always fixable. I don't want people to stay in things that are causing them hurt, harm or danger. Right, if you don't see any way out because everything seems to be falling apart, then you better pay attention. There's a red flag right there. Yes, don't stay in anything abusive, don't stay in anything that makes you suicidal or depressed or that is not happiness, and that's not what God wants for you. When he sends you a wife, he sends you a good thing. When he sends you a husband, he sends you a provider, a protector, a helpmate.
Speaker 2:He does not send us anything and the increase of your home, one that would be in prayer over the problems that you both are facing. If you don't have that, then you haven't found what you're supposed to be looking for. Amen, somebody. Just don't get up in the Word in that Bible, like Mr Cox, and go to sleep in it. Don't leave the house without hey. We got to pray. We stand at the steps and pray. We cover our house before we leave and when we come back in, because in order to maintain the foundation, it has to be set in a way that God wants it to be. It's in the Word. Everything that we do is in the Word. Every single thing, what we try to do is in the Word. And if we fall short because a lot of us do we know where to go back to it. And it ain't to the social media, and it ain't to our friends, and it ain't to our mama and it ain't to our family, because a lot of people say they're there to support you and they really dare to tear it down.
Speaker 2:And you don't want to be the one that tear down your house. You don't want to be the one with that pot sitting on that couch and leaking roof and you're trying to figure out how you got there. Don't tear down your house, dr Belma. Are you there? You may need to get in a better area, dr Belma, because I see an exclamation point there and I'm not. I don't know why. Ok, ok, can you? I just connected. Yeah, but did you hear what I said? Yes, I did. I said they don't want to be the one sitting on that couch with that pot, with that leaking roof, trying to figure out how they got there. Right, Because the man in the toe-tailer left you there, right?
Speaker 2:Well, if any man that values you, any man that values you, will value your household and your family, and if that's not happening, then that's a red flag period. Yes, because they can't be the priest of the home and he's trying to eliminate people in your home. You just can't do it. Amen, amen.
Speaker 1:All right, my dear.
Speaker 2:Well, I love you. We have to leave out in prayer. Can you lead us out in prayer, dr Velma? Of course, father, we thank you for what you've done during this hour. Lord God, we pray that you continue to cover, listen Linda, continue to cover this broadcast. Continue to draw more people in to be educated and encouraged, lord God, even the ones that we're listening in today. We're asking you to step in and show them the way. God, we thank you and we praise you for everything you're doing in our lives In Jesus' name, amen, amen. Thank you so much, dr Velma. It's always a pleasure. Thank you, gentry, ms Queenie, and we thank you guys at 2.71 K. So thank everybody for tuning in. It's been a blessing. Have a great night you too, thank you. Thank you, bye.