Have you ever stood at the crossroads of your past and present, pondering the melodies of life's symphony that led you to where you stand? Join me in a deeply personal conversation with the Women of the Waiting Room Takeover – AudreyAnn Moses edition – as they peel back the layers of my story. Together, we traverse the dreamscapes of youth, the stark realities of overcoming adversity, and the way these experiences have sculpted my identity and self-esteem. It's an intimate dance between vulnerability and strength, where the echoes of heartbreak and ambition play out in the rich tapestry of personal growth.
Creativity serves as both refuge and revelation in my life's journey. I lay bare the twists in my path to musical expression, speaking on how health hurdles reshaped my vocal aspirations and how the shared challenge of writing poetry with my husband during a global pandemic birthed the book "It Can't Always Be Night". This work, sparked by diverse muses from Kanye West to "Stranger Things", stands as a beacon of hope amid despair. I also reminisce about the joyful process of chronicling the early romance with my now-husband in "Mountains Can't Rise Without Earthquakes", shining a light on the transformative power of love and creative endeavor.
Closure comes with reflections on survival, the potency of storytelling, and the roots that sustain us. A heart-wrenching childhood memory unravels, exposing family turmoil and a grim brush with oblivion, only to discover a divine purpose and the unwavering strength of faith. "Chicago Diamond" emerges as a reminder of the creativity blessing, urging us to recognize and harness our gifts. And as we wrap up, we celebrate the relentless human spirit, the ability of our stories to touch lives, and the profound gratitude for those who support us along the way. Tune in for honest, hope-filled dialogue that promises to resonate, inspire, and uplift.
Have you ever stood at the crossroads of your past and present, pondering the melodies of life's symphony that led you to where you stand? Join me in a deeply personal conversation with the Women of the Waiting Room Takeover – AudreyAnn Moses edition – as they peel back the layers of my story. Together, we traverse the dreamscapes of youth, the stark realities of overcoming adversity, and the way these experiences have sculpted my identity and self-esteem. It's an intimate dance between vulnerability and strength, where the echoes of heartbreak and ambition play out in the rich tapestry of personal growth.
Creativity serves as both refuge and revelation in my life's journey. I lay bare the twists in my path to musical expression, speaking on how health hurdles reshaped my vocal aspirations and how the shared challenge of writing poetry with my husband during a global pandemic birthed the book "It Can't Always Be Night". This work, sparked by diverse muses from Kanye West to "Stranger Things", stands as a beacon of hope amid despair. I also reminisce about the joyful process of chronicling the early romance with my now-husband in "Mountains Can't Rise Without Earthquakes", shining a light on the transformative power of love and creative endeavor.
Closure comes with reflections on survival, the potency of storytelling, and the roots that sustain us. A heart-wrenching childhood memory unravels, exposing family turmoil and a grim brush with oblivion, only to discover a divine purpose and the unwavering strength of faith. "Chicago Diamond" emerges as a reminder of the creativity blessing, urging us to recognize and harness our gifts. And as we wrap up, we celebrate the relentless human spirit, the ability of our stories to touch lives, and the profound gratitude for those who support us along the way. Tune in for honest, hope-filled dialogue that promises to resonate, inspire, and uplift.
I remember, I remember, I remember Back for the record deal and the calls and the grids and the way that things took off. I was singing that busyy zone once when it just Tried my best to get on Back when me and Puffin Big was kids and I knew, you'll see, I was young and tough and fresh and tough and it was.
Speaker 1:All a dream, signed a contract, no guiding lines, just hoping I Can get on the projects and get my family right, cause they bought my life. And I read so much and I read these oh, catch me, oh trying to do me. I was chained on the block, I was baited on the block, but I made it off the block and I I remember back when I didn't know which way to feel. I remember Back when pain was all I had to give the reflections on my life. I see the advances that I've learned and now I know Heartbreak don't exist when it's been torn apart by love. I used to throw a pen, I used to shut it down and blame it on me, but that was Mary then and this is Mary now. You gotta understand it's about how we respect ourselves and the men have no control Of our self-esteem and when we see that then we can let go. I remember back when I didn't know which way to live. I remember back when pain was all I had to give the reflections of my life. I see the advances that I've learned and I was wrong. Heartbreak don't exist when it's been torn apart by love. Now I've made some mistakes, I've lost some friends along the way, but I don't carry it Because it's made me a better shit. It's my life and I know that there's more for me to see. I may not be what I'm supposed to, but I can tell you right now I ain't what I used to be. I remember when I didn't know which way to lead. I remember when pain was all I had to give the reflections of my life. I see the lessons that I've learned and now I know heartbreak don't exist when it's been taught or followed. I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember the reflections of my life. I see the lessons that I've learned and now I know my break don't exist when it's been torn apart. I remember my love don't exist no more. I remember, but I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember.
Speaker 3:Welcome, welcome, welcome to this edition of Women of the Waiting Room Takeover, and this is the Audrey and Moses edition. Now, with this takeover, we're going to do this a little different. This takeover, the Women of the Waiting Room Anthology my sisters, my mamas in Christ, they will be coming in and asking the queen of questions or, like Ms Laquita Parks dug me, the queen of podcast questions, and I'm nervous, but you know I ain't scared, I ain't scared. Rj Ann. Okay, I'm here for it. You know I'm't scared, I ain't scared. Rj Ann. Okay, I'm here for it. You know I'm an open book. Ask away how you doing today.
Speaker 4:You sure you know I love you, but I'm in fear. How are you doing? Never, never, never it's no soap well, I figured I'd let you kind of ease your way in, you know, let you kind of breathe a little bit, and I know you've been running around all day doing this and that. So I have a question about when you were young you know a teeny weeny what did you think would be your career?
Speaker 3:When I was younger, I always thought I was going to be a singer. I love music, as anybody could see. I knew I was going to be doing something in music. I didn't know if I was going to be a singer. I wanted to be a singer initially and then after a while I was like maybe I could be doing something in A&R.
Speaker 3:Because the reason why I say that I used to get people's albums, um, and they're, you know, at that time we had uh cassette, uh cassette tapes and um eight tracks and I used to listen to the song, like every song on there, and I, and, and I will always tell my sisters and brothers, I bet y'all know the next single that's gonna be on the radio, I bet y'all can take the best song and it will always be correct. To this day, I've never failed. I get the album and I know I'm like, okay, the next single they're going to come out and tell me this one, because this one is good, you know, or this is the one that's going to hit platinum. So yeah, growing up it was singing for me, singing music, something dealing with music music something dealing with music.
Speaker 3:You know what? I was a really good singer before they took my thyroid out. I was a very good singer and I actually posted some videos of me singing before. It was like right after I had Jadenden, I was living with, um, my um, my foster mom, which I called her my mom. Her name in my book is miss williams and uh, I was. I was living with her and I was a great singer. I I sent you some stuff. I'll sing you. I'm I'm still a pretty good one. Um, I can hit a note or two. I'll be on live and I got some videos of me on there hitting some notes. I'm like girl, I know you can say, yeah, I got a little, but it's a little raspy now because you know my performance are pretty much gone. Yeah, but yeah, girl, I got a little voice on me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got a little voice on me.
Speaker 3:You got a little voice on you.
Speaker 4:Well, I'm glad to hear the book now you got a name. So in your book I'm getting ready to tell you just to hold your horses, hold your horses, Okay, hold your horses. So in your book it Can't Always Be Night. Tell me why you wrote this book Now. I know I've read almost all of the poems, you know what the book does.
Speaker 3:start off as a book, but tell me why you don't disagree?
Speaker 4:It started off as a writing challenge with Bookly.
Speaker 3:Me and my husband had already. We had sat down and wrote down our goals and stuff we wanted to do, and we always said we wanted to write a book. So during COVID, right around the time my dad passed, I was on Facebook. One night my husband was playing a game, like we usually do, like he'd be sitting here playing his game and I'm on my phone scrolling and we downstairs on our couch just chilling and, you know, enjoying each other's company, but at the same time, you know, we in our own world, and so we sit there and so I scroll past this. You know I like you on your timeline, you're looking at stuff in this.
Speaker 3:This challenge popped up up this 21 day challenge your book of poetry. And I said, well, I got a whole bunch of poems I could submit to this. You know, and that's how that sparked that my husband's like yeah, if you do it, I'll do it. And so he wrote poetry every day because he's a phenomenal writer and like, very like, his writing is eloquent. He speaks, you know, very eloquent. He has like a charm, like he's a charmer, but he's very intelligent and his mind is very like I took grammar and all that, but his is like impeccable and I was like I don't know how I'm gonna match that, but I was like I just, you know, grabbed some poems that I wrote growing up and I'll tell my story that way.
Speaker 3:And, uh, the title it can't always be night, actually, um, it stemmed from two places. So kanye west came out with a song and in the beginning say, um, something about the day it can't always be night and I was like that sounds so dope. But the confirmation of the title came when I was watching this show to come on Netflix called Stranger Things, and it was just, it was the finale and the girl was caught by the devil and he had her in this dark place. I will never forget it.
Speaker 3:I always get emotional about this part. And her boyfriend you know, the black boy was at the top of the hole and she was in this dark place and the devil had her. She couldn't, she couldn't get out of this dark place and he was in the light place and he just kept telling her like just close your eyes and just reach for me, and she just closed her eyes and she started thinking about him and how much she loved him and just how much fun she had with him and her friends just all good thoughts. And she was able to get free out of the darkness as long as she kept towards the light. So that's what inspired the title and that's what made me write the book.
Speaker 4:So that's really awesome, because I think about you and marvis, and you know I've read, I've read this book. And then, of course, you know that, um, you know I've read mountains and I always think about when. When I was your age, you know, and when I was in my well, not your age now, but when I was in my 20s, early 20s, you know I had already joined the military, so join the Navy, so I had some security, but there wasn't any, you know, and I was struggling to try to find somebody I could depend on. And so whenever I think about that, I always think about you and Marvis, because, out of all of um, yes, when you explain it like that it does make me think that he was the one telling you to reach for him.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so, um. So now in um. Now, some of the poems and it can't always be right, obviously poems that you um wrote when you were young, um 10 are when you were young, okay. So I'm looking at a couple of them now, and one of them is called I woke up today. Yeah do you remember when you wrote that.
Speaker 4:I want to read it. It says I woke up today feeling like I needed to lie down and try again, knowing if I do then I just submit and let the devil win. And lord knows I won't dare allow that to happen. I woke up today having feelings that won't go away, feeling angry, not caring what people might say. I know what that. And now I'm laying down and praying. If god I wrote that poem, try again another day in the middle of a storm in my life.
Speaker 3:I have been going through a lot with someone that I'm no longer with, that I haven't been with for a long time. But I also didn't know that I was suffering from lupus and thyroid cancer. So I was going through a very tumultuous time with my child's father and a tumultuous time with family and I was just I didn't know why I was extremely exhausted, but I was extremely exhausted. But I've always been a fake and I always believed that, no matter what, god had my back and I always believed that no matter what, god had my back. But sometimes people tell you, just get up anyway, just get up. You know, whatever it is holding you down, don't lay down, just get up and go. And sometimes that may be good, but sometimes that may be a bad thing because you could run yourself dry.
Speaker 3:I had extended my hand to so many people, my home to so many people, money to people. I had taken in my sister's kids at the time because you know she had lost her kids to the system, and so I had taken in her kids on top of Jayden. So I had three kids under two living in my house no, three kids under three living in my house, and I had no job and I you know I'm on the bus with these babies, yeah, taking them to school, taking them to the prison to see their daddy, um, you know, it was just. And I had to drag my son, who had never been in that type of situation before, um, because you know he don't have a jail daddy, you know. So it was like I had to go through all of that in the winter of Chicago and one day I was supposed to get up and take them. I was like no, I'm not getting up, I'm laying back down.
Speaker 3:I had already had the surgery on my neck, but I did not know that in between that time I had developed lupus and so my, my physical, you know, my physical health was really, really, and then my mental too, because I'm alone, I'm a single mom, I'm not getting child support, I can't work my job. You know they only given me a certain amount a month because I can't make it in. So you know, I'm on this short-term leave, it's not paying the bills, I can't get unemployment.
Speaker 4:It was a lot stressful for me and that was when that came out and I wrote that Absolutely absolutely yeah, right, the the last, the last paragraph says so nope, i'ma rest today and tomorrow and bypass any hurt or sorrow, but trust and believe.
Speaker 4:When my eyes do open again, I will be prepared to not only fight the battle within but also win, and um, and, and I really I love the way your poems are, because your poems, all of all of your poems, feel real. You know, sometimes you can write, you can listen to a poem or can read a poem and it feels, you know, it touches you in a way, but and sometimes you just know it's, it's what they made up. You know, because they're a poet and they make it up, but they're not pulling it from someplace within. You can tell when a poet is pulling from within, you know, and so, and so I like your poems because of that, um, most of them that I have read, um, that I remember, are, um, I could tell right away that there was something going on that caused you to write that particular poem, you know. So kudos to you for that, because that is a good, that is really good, that is really good. So I'm gonna come back that I saw in here.
Speaker 4:That I thought was really interesting. But on mountains, I read mountains, um, you know, when you were still yeah, right, oh, mountains can't rise without earthquakes.
Speaker 3:And people have to really understand what that means. And that's just like a rose drawn from cotton. When people ask me, what does the title of your book mean? What do you tell them? The world is shaking up. We try so much to avoid the hurt and the sorrow and what it takes to really get to where we need to get to.
Speaker 3:Everybody want to get to that mountaintop, but they don't want to go through the earthquakes and the tornadoes and the volcanoes that it takes to get to the top of that mountain. Right, they want to be able to just fly up there on a drone or get some pixie dust and become Tinkerbell or Peter Pan. And this ain't. This is not that God didn't. God gives you those things to build your character, to build your faith, to build your strength. That's just like if you are running in the Olympics, in a race. You just can't go there off the street and say I'm going to beat all these people here. It took them years to train for that. So that's what mountains came from. I'm at the top of my mountain, but I could not have risen without going through the earthquakes in life that I went through. So the mountains can rise without earthquakes. It shows the earthquakes, but it doesn't it without uh, telling the story it leaves at a cliffhanger. The mountains are not shown yet, but it's more common, right, they're coming, okay.
Speaker 4:Um, when, when you were writing this book, you know there was, I know there was a lot of turmoil in just for you to be able to write this book, because there are a lot of things you had to remember that maybe you didn't want to remember, but you needed to in order not only to heal but to finish, you know know, writing the book so that others can heal so if you, the hardest part for me to write was uh tell me the hardest part of this book for you to write what scene was the hardest and why was it?
Speaker 3:one of them was um china leaving China leaving. The other one was when my uncle molested me and I had to leave my dad. The other one was when I lost. Well, when you know, my unborn child's life was taken still inside of me by somebody who I thought when I lost. Well, when you know, my unborn child's life was taken still inside of me by somebody who I thought that I really really loved very much and I thought that they loved me. And the other one was the epilogue, which goes into the next book, but it also goes into me trying to commit suicide while I was still pregnant with my oldest son.
Speaker 4:Right, right, right, um, one of the things you mentioned. I was going to ask you about um, when, when your child was taken and I like the way you say that you know, because that's not what, that's not the word I used, correct, you know that's not the word I used Um, but you know, you were, you were beaten so severely that it caused you, you know, to lose your child.
Speaker 3:Why didn't you have a prayer about it? I did alert the people. So let's get this clear when I did go to the hospital it's the things I just moved on into the next chapter because it was still a lot of things I did not unpack. I did go to the hospital. I did tell them who did it to me. I did not give them his government name, but I gave them his street name and they said you don't know his government name. And I said no, and the reason why I said that is because we go through things with people and we still cannot help how we feel about that person, cannot help how we feel about that person, right.
Speaker 3:So I knew that he was in a bad place. I knew that I was in a bad place. I took a lot of the responsibility and felt like I was the reason it happened at that time. I don't feel that way now, but at 17, 18 years old, I'm feeling like it's my fault. I knew that he was already upset.
Speaker 3:I knew that I shouldn't have answered his phone. I knew that was his new girlfriend on the phone. I knew this. I knew he was drinking. I knew so I shouldn't have said this or did this because I triggered him and I put all the blame on me. So I shouldn't have said this or did this because I triggered him and I just I put all the blame on me and I was like, so I don't want to be the one to get him locked up on top of that and you know he was very apologetic afterwards, made it seem like, you know, it was all my fault. I'm the reason, you know. And then he went and told everybody I had an abortion, you know, just to, and I went along with it because I don't want the rest of his family, you know, to feel no type of way.
Speaker 3:They were more so understanding that I got an abortion that he engaged knowing I was going to college, but I didn't want him to have any turmoil with my family. I never even told my family that he did this to me until his book came out. Like, my own sisters and brothers didn't know that this happened to me. Only person that knew was my friend. Katina knew was my friend katina. Um, she knew, right, and I got a friend named asia, right. They knew other than that. Um, nobody knew what he did to me because, uh well, mr cox did um, but nobody else you know, and I I kept that because I was trying to save him. But let's be clear, I did get a restraining order but I told them it was because he hit me, but I did not tell them to the extent that I lost my height.
Speaker 4:Exactly. So now right, I saw that Right Right.
Speaker 1:I read the book.
Speaker 4:Right, I saw that right, right I. I read the book. So now tell this, tell me this, um, as when you were a social worker, and even now, how do?
Speaker 3:you know what I place my?
Speaker 4:I put myself back in that place and I try to talk to them the way I would talk to myself.
Speaker 3:But what I don't do is tell them oh, you need to hurry up and leave, you need to hurry up and leave. The reason why I don't do that is because that's the quickest way to lose them. I try to stay in contact with them, I try to console them and let them you know, tell them my story and hopefully that will scare them straight.
Speaker 3:But then I also leave them with. You control the narrative. You have dominion over your life, so nobody can do to you anything you don't allow them to. So I always give kind of tough love and just tell people look, either you're going to stay and don't cry, or leave and don't cry. But don't stay and cry and don't stay in compliance, because you have the million over your life. Nobody can make that decision for you. You have to make it for yourself. So that's pretty much how I leave it. I'm very straightforward, but I'm also empathetic to what's going on with them. I just let them know look, you got control over your life. One thing you can't do with me, though, is stay and complain. Either do something about it or you stay there and shut up about it right, yeah, and, and that's that.
Speaker 4:I'm glad you, um, that's how you handle it, because you know that is how it needs to be held, because you can't tell grownups what to do and you have to give them the opportunity to realize that they are in control, regardless of which way they go. They are in control, you know. So I'm glad that that's the way you know you handle it. You know you handle it. So I have um, you know um. You and I have have worked on a lot of projects. I've been on your podcast several times and um, and had a lot of fun, and so I want you to tell the audience which of my books is your favorite.
Speaker 4:But I want you to tell me why it's your favorite and who in it is your favorite, why you got to make me choose.
Speaker 3:It's okay, though. It's okay, you put me on the spot now. So, yes, ma'am, out of all of them, I would have to say, because I'm gonna have to say michael, michael and uninvited memories. Um, michael Michael and Uninvited Memories. Just I just he was like charming, you know, he gave me a lot of, if you ever read the Coldest One's Ever, he gave me a lot of Midnight. I think I told you this before. But I'm still, I'm still sticking with Michael Michael. He was mine in the beginning, he's mine now.
Speaker 3:It ain't changing over here. It ain't changing over here. I like Michael, but I also, and dead girl walking, I like Jane. Jane reminds me a lot of me. So I like Jane and dead girls walking and I like Michael. I'm trying to see who else. It was somebody else. And no, I'm not cheating, I'm trying to think it was somebody else. And no, I'm not cheating, I'm trying to think it was somebody else. It was somebody else. It was another Scotty, I don't know. I don't know about Scotty. Scotty kind of I don't know Scotty, scotty kind of I don't know Scotty. Yes, yeah, scotty.
Speaker 3:Next question you have a love-hate relationship with Scotty, I probably want to say Jane, because she reminds me a lot of me. So my favorite character is Jane but my favorite book is Uninvited Memories.
Speaker 4:Uninvited Memories? Yeah, so Uninvited memories? Yeah, so that is. I asked you what was the hardest part to write in your book.
Speaker 3:Mouths Can't Arise.
Speaker 4:Without Earthquakes.
Speaker 3:So tell me what part brought you the most joy? Um, earthquakes. So tell me, the most joyous part that I wrote in mountains was when I met just the cop, and why. Um, when I met my husband, but he wasn't my husband, then he was just my friend. Just feel that little school girl feeling I felt, you know, and be able to relive that. It was a very, very happy, happy time in my life.
Speaker 3:When I met him, no matter what I was going through, if I was depressed or whatever. You know he was first he was just like an army recruiter, but me and him ended up becoming very, very good friends and he was always somebody. No matter what I could get on the phone, he always had the same number. To this day, almost 20 years, still got the same number and I could just get up if I was going through anything, no matter what time, day or night. He will always answer the phone for me, even when he was was was hurt and in kentucky on the base in the hospital I I called him and he answered and it didn't matter because we were just really good friends like that.
Speaker 3:And to go back and know that you know what these people was trying to molest me, trying to do all this stuff to me while I'm trying to sign up, you know, for the military. And he had, like this big ranking in the military and I told him and he jeopardized his whole career, his whole reputation at that place for somebody he had just met. He had just met me, not even a month, I was just a recruit and he had my back and it reminded me of my daddy, you know, like wow, like my dad be having my back, like that, you know, and I had missed that because I had been separated from my daddy for so long. And I was like, yeah, this is, you know, my brothers don't even take up for me, like that, you know, and I had went through so much being taken away, you know, from my, you know my biological family, and I went through so much in the system and nobody ever had my back, my caseworkers, nobody ever had my back when those things happened to me, my back when those things happen to me.
Speaker 3:So to just meet somebody and think, oh, they just trying to get you know, recruitment or trying to get paid off of me to recruit me, that's how I'm looking at him, like okay, he cool, but maybe he just, you know, being cool with me and hanging out with me until I, you know, until I get uh sworn in, then I ain't gonna hear from him no more. That was my thought process, right. But I'm like, why would he jeopardize? Why would he leave, you know, his house with whoever he was with at the time and they shout and and get up at two o'clock in the morning to come get me?
Speaker 3:Because I'm afraid and I'm telling you know, and he did that he came in some some basketball shorts and and a sweater I'll never forget, with a do-rag on his head and he had some socks on, with these Nike slacks and he was looking good and I was like, just took my man off everything, but he still like he was upset because he didn't know. But once I told him what happened, he jeopardized his ranking. He's going against a chief officer. You know like he jeopardized himself to take up for me and I always remembered that I always so. So when I had to write that part and that was the most joy, um, writing about, you know the beginning of me meeting him in the beginning of our relationship. It was beautiful Baby, my man was at the wrong spot.
Speaker 3:I told y'all I was out of the box and he was so mad because he's so Buick, lesar and he had like Rams on their TVs and they, like I didn't know he even had that car because I always seen them in the government car, so he didn't come and pick me up. So now I'm thinking I'm validated Now, like oh, I'm in here. He came to pick me up in his car and so I'm just like, yeah, so yeah, he liked me, girl. I'm thinking in my head like, yeah, he liked me, he really liked me. And then, on top of that, I'm looking.
Speaker 3:I'm seeing he got these basketball shorts on. They was gray basketball shorts. I will never forget it and I will never forget it. And I just kept looking at them. Shorts, jesus, fix it. I just kept looking at the print in the shorts, like everything in the shorts, and I was just like Lord. And he was like, see, that's a problem. Look you focusing on the wrong stuff. And I'm just like you think I'm focusing on the wrong stuff. I'm focusing on the right stuff, and you know. So please, let's move on. But you know, girl, let's move on. This is, this must be faith-based. I can't be dicked. Move on, mr cox. Oh jesus, so um okay, let's move on.
Speaker 4:Let's make the costume.
Speaker 3:Shorts, lord, calm down we at the right time.
Speaker 4:Thank you, jesus right when I needed something to distract me from what was going on, so okay yeah, mr cops had himself in the right place. Yeah, so now what was going on exactly? There's a not kind of funny but tragic scene you wrote in Mountains Can't Rise Without Earthquakes.
Speaker 3:Just read it for me, because I had to change some names to keep privacy protected because they were saying they were going to try to sue me. Tell me what it's saying. I can remember who Slim was it says it says right, oh yeah.
Speaker 4:It says. It says oh yeah, of course.
Speaker 3:Of course. Oh, that was my uncle Oliver. Yes, oh, man Well.
Speaker 4:I literally remember the arrival of one uncle in particular, he had a knack of creating the most delicious mother potatoes I have ever tasted.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he came. Look, it was a long time before my Uncle Oliver came back. Of course, y'all saw him again after that.
Speaker 4:That was my grandmother. Well, I was going to ask you, did you? Ever see him again.
Speaker 3:So y'all so okay. So in the scene my uncle he made the best mother potatoes.
Speaker 3:Okay, everybody got their dish. My auntie, she makes the best potato salad. You know, my daddy had the best spaghetti and my uncle, he had the best smothered potatoes. Ok, so that's how we all knew who was, you know, the champ of these certain things. Right, and so he was going to give it. He had his grease on the stove. Now, she don't lit the stove with the grease in the skillet. It was a, it was a black. What do you call those things? It was a black. What do you call those things? Tartar skillet. She had the grease on there. She done lit it, right, and put an egg, a raw egg, like an egg out of a carton, in there. She didn't crack it or nothing, she just put the egg in there and put a top on it and she put the thing on high.
Speaker 3:Now, now, I ain't the best scientist in the world, but I know that that don't match and I knew it at that time. So when I saw my uncle going to the kitchen, I didn't want to warn him because I'm gonna be real with y'all. My little sister whooped me at that time, okay, and she was my little, she was younger than me, but she was bigger than me and she, her punch was more powerful than mine. So she came up, she gave me a little. I'm not gonna say nothing. I'm like girl, I ain't gonna say nothing. So when he went in there and he took that he was getting ready to reach for that, for that top on that skillet I jumped behind the couch because I knew it was going to be blast off and she took his whole eye out y'all. And it was because, people, I could understand the frustration that my little sister had because we all had it. We already stayed. All of us stayed with my grandmother, right, it was five of us that stayed with my grandmother, right, it was five of us, you know, that stayed with my grandmother, and it was a three-bedroom house and it was all five of us, plus my grandma, plus my granddaddy.
Speaker 3:So anybody that would come over we would have to leave our room, or my grandma gotta come in our room with us, you know. And they get her room. And then when she come in our room with us, she had a bucket, you know that. She used to sit and boo-boo at night, you know, and pee, and the little thing, the little, you know what the doctor give you when you can't make it to the bathroom, you get that thing in your room. She had that, so she had to bring that in the room with us. Like that's just uncomfortable, you know, like we gotta smell you at night going to boo-boo because you can.
Speaker 3:All this was just like, and we always looked at the people, like her sons or her daughters or her other grandkids. They always want to come over there and every time they come over our house they eat up all the food, they eat up all the snacks. You know they get all my grandma money. They come, they steal all stuff and we was fed up so we would play pranks on them. But she took it too far. She took his whole eye out and so, yeah, you know we saw him after that, but it was a long time. My grandma had to beg her son to come back over after that because he ended up having to get a glass out. Like it was crazy.
Speaker 4:Well, you know, it's good too, though, you, you know, when you remember, um, yeah, good too when you remember things from your past, because now, first of all, you survived your past, um, and even even when there were times when you wasn't sure if you were going to survive, and now you can look back on those things and and you know, and write stories about them and and see how far god has brought you amen yeah, and so I want to ask a question about your spiritual life.
Speaker 4:Um, for as long as I've known you, you have been a woman of God, but even though you knew that the only way you were going to survive, except when I got pregnant with my oldest son when did you realize that how important God really was?
Speaker 3:in your life and for your life.
Speaker 3:My mama wasn't nowhere to be found, me and my son's father wasn't together. I was flunking in school. I had a job but I couldn't keep a regular job and it was just so much going on. I was fighting with my friends. I couldn't figure out who was my friend, who wasn't. I had just found out that, you know, the only friend I thought that was really my friend was sleeping with my son's father. So it was a lot going on and I just didn't want to be here, no more. I was like I don't got no friends, I don't got no family that care about me.
Speaker 3:You know, it was a lot going on and I was at a friend of mine's house that stayed on the right by the lake in Chicago on the south side, and I was up, I was on the top floor and I took pills. I took pills, I was ready to go. I was like I don't want to be here, no more. And then, once I took the pills, I was like, oh man, I'm pregnant, like God, like you know. Why are you forcing me to be here, you know? And so when I woke up, I woke up with strapped down. I was in the hospital, but I was strapped down because my friend told them I was suicidal and I had just really just had a breakdown and I didn't want to be here, no more. So I guess you can consider that suicidal, but I just, you know, I was willing to go and I took some pills, some Tylenol 3s.
Speaker 3:I think I took about 30 Tylenol 3s. And then I went in her cabinet and I took two of her mom's heart pills and I was like, and I knew how they look because my grandma had them they was in a small brown bottle, clear glass bottle, and they were very, very tiny, very, very tiny pills. And so I knew the pill. I was like just that heart medicine right here and it. It's basically like blood pressure pills, but they were. My grandma would call them heart pills, but they were blood pressure pills.
Speaker 3:So I took about 30 Tylenol threes and then I took two heart pills and I woke up. They had pumped my stomach and everything and I was still asleep. But I woke up and that's when I knew like God got a reason for me to be here, um, and then I was so very, um, apologetic, because how selfish could I be? And and and, and it's not that I knew that I was taking my, my child out because I think at that moment, to be honest with you, I forgot. I forgot I was even carrying him. I just knew I was ready to go, because people don't understand.
Speaker 3:Like when you go and do those things and you break down, you don't really consider everything else that's around you or everybody else that's around you. You can love them people to death, but that's not what's on your mind. That don't make you selfish. It's just like I'm not thinking about this right now. This so much is going on. It's a pile on and you got to have the strong sense of faith to be able to get through those things, because I could have went and tried to do it again, but once I did that, god said to do it again. But once I did that, god said you did that wrong. You did that all wrong. You don't even understand what's about to occur in your life. You don't even understand what this child is going to bring to you by having this child, what you have to do is essential. You have to be here, and so that was it right and and um.
Speaker 4:That's another testimony that you will be able to tell. That will help other people you know, because you never know when you're going be able to hear how you know you survived it now you know what planning, and I think that's the reason people think that, and now a lot of people think that.
Speaker 3:The reason why I'm so close with my oldest son is because only the oldest child and he looks like you, but I think it's because I'm still real apologetic about that. You know it's like I treat them both the same, but I think with him it's like he needs. I just feel like he needs to know, you know. So whatever I can do, you know, and nobody can say, hey, you don't have to do that for him.
Speaker 3:That's gonna happen to the day I die, to the day I'm no longer here he's gonna know that he's that what I did in that moment was not a reflection of you. It's because of you that I'm still here, you know yeah.
Speaker 4:Right. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:But that's just something that I feel is just. It's gonna always be there in me you know.
Speaker 4:Whatever he asked you know, what somebody you know, the answer is always the same.
Speaker 3:You know somebody because I've been through therapy about this for years and, and and I've always had a therapist, no matter which one it was tell me me. Oh, you don't have to be that way. I'm sure your son loves you he does that but it's going to always be second nature to me to prove that to him and I don't want to change that about me. I don't want to change because that's what makes me the mom that I am. That's what fuels me to pour that type of love into my kids. So I don't want to stop doing that. I will not stop feeling this way. I don't want to stop feeling this way when I think about that.
Speaker 3:You know some people are like. I just wish I could stop feeling this guilt. No, no, that's one that I want to have because it fuels me to become the best mom that I could be for my kids and that fueled me to pick the best man to be the dad for my kids and that fueled me to live the best life and show them nothing and teach them. You know what? You don't have to take this from somebody. You have the million over your life.
Speaker 3:What them teachers at that school is saying don't matter, because at the end of the day, it's about how you feel about your grade and how your parents feel about your grade. You know they can give their opinion, but never take what they say at face value, because at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is you, and if you work hard for that, we're going to accept it. So that's it. And if I didn't feel this guilt about that situation and I just went on about it, who knows, you know Right, my attitude would be very different. Yeah, but it's just. That was the turning point in my life to say you know what I need to get my stuff together, because I got a kid here.
Speaker 3:And he needs to know that this did not happen because of him. I mean, that's not to say it would be a bad attitude that made me feel this way. I mean, this was the attack of the enemy that made me feel this way, and that's when I knew that God, like you know, you always, I've always been a church, I've always been a spiritual person. I was raised in a lot of different denominations, actually because I moved from this place to that place. So I've I've studied jehovah witness, I've studied catholic, I've studied um buddhism, I study all these things, right, um? And that's how I was able to figure out that I'm non-denominational.
Speaker 3:But I also know that I'm a christian but I'm not denominational, which means, you know, I'm not a Baptist or I'm not, you know, or I don't, you know I'm not church of God in Christ or these different things. No, I was raised in church of God in Christ. I was raised in baptism, I was raised in African Methodist, episcopal. You know, I was raised in all these different denominations and I said I can learn from each one so I can choose what I believe with each religion, and that helps me to become a better person, because I only choose the good things, right? Yeah?
Speaker 4:yeah exactly exactly so, exactly, chicago Diamond. So I have one question that well, I want to talk about your online story. Yes, chicago Diamond.
Speaker 3:It's on Pocket FM. Get the app Pocket FM. It's on Pocket FM. Get the app Pocket FM. It's a wonderful story.
Speaker 4:It's a wonderful story, A Chi-town love story, and I'm sure thousands and thousands of people are listening to it right now and if you're not, you need to start and it's only been a couple months, yeah. So what I? What I want to tell, what I want to ask you is you know, as authors, you know, we sit down to our computer and we we say, okay, I'm gonna write a few pages of of my book today. I'm gonna write a few pages of my book today. I may skip a few days and I might write a few pages. But for for chicago diamond, you are writing and posting like every day, or or close to every day, or close to every day. It's like it is published the same day you write it.
Speaker 4:I looked at that and then I decided no, that's not for me, but you are the perfect person for it, you know, because, yeah, yeah, 28 chapters and so it's, and it just keeps moving and going. It's almost like a soap opera. I'm like, oh, these people getting on my nerves, you know. But I am enjoying it and so I think you should advertise it more. You know, because it is really. You know, I really like it because it keeps moving and and you think you know what's going to happen, and then it doesn't, and so, um, and you think one person is going to act one way, and then they don't. And you know, you want to go, get on a plane, go to chicago, choke their neck, get on the plane and come back home. You know, but, but I really, really, really, I think, because of your personality, um, this suits you. I mean, to write a regular book, like the rest of us do, suits you, but this suits you because it's like your.
Speaker 4:Your mind is always creating you, your mind is always creating something. I am always when I get up in the mornings, you know. So you know, and, and they'll, and there'll be a poster, there'll be some something. You know that that you have done because, because god has really given you the gift of creativity and you are using it well and um and so, and so you are blessing so many people because of your creativity, and my family and my friends. When I'm talking about you, they're like is she the one that does the pictures? I'm like, yes, she's the one that does the pictures. I'm like, yes, she's the one that does the pictures.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay, I like her thank you, chicago, dad is just so fun um but yes, you know, and I was, if you remember, once we started with this project you know, I'm just the one woman.
Speaker 3:You know I try my best to squeeze that in on top of just more people helping everybody, you know, with whatever they're doing, and it's only so much on that page that you could post within a day, right. So I'm like, okay, chicago diamond can sit down and it's actually working a number on its own because when people download it it's so high in the rankings right now it's like a 4.7 star and it has like all these views, so it's gonna do itself, right. But yes, it really is, and it's so fun to write because I like being able to bring these characters to life and just, I'm a sucker for a cliffhanger and I'm a sucker for, um, something not going the way that other people expected to go. So I like to take my characters and make them do things that you wouldn't imagine them doing. So this, and as for my anointing, thank you so much, dr Velma um, you know you run into people and you wonder, you know if they're going to accept you.
Speaker 3:Or I remember speaking to someone who I was friends with this time last year and I was saying I don't know what my gift is, I don't know what I can do, and she told me. She said, girl, you just don't understand. You know, all the talent that you have is people that were killed for your talent. It's people that would, would sacrifice everything just to have what you have. And I didn't understand that at the time, because I'm looking at this person like, well, you you gifted. You know, I don't know what my gift is, but then I started doing things for people and but I would never say that it was me that was doing the things I've done book covers for people, trailers for people, flyers. I've edited books. I've proofread books, I've ghostwritten books. I've ghostwritten chapters for people for them, and different, different. You know things and and I never say nothing, I always stayed in the background, I never. I've done graphics. I've done. You name it, I've done it, and I've never said any very low key. Uh, because I didn't really. I just thought it was just something I was doing, it's a hobby.
Speaker 3:I didn't think about it as this being my oil and this can be the thing that I need to, because at that time, you know, I got thyroid cancer, I got lupus, so I don't get up and work a nine to five like everybody else, and so I wasn't bringing in nothing. My husband was doing everything. But then I was wondering, just like the lady with the oil in the Bible right. You're wondering, like what can I do? Because I don't have anything and the ends are not meeting right now. What can I do? Well, lady, go grab you some jars, go borrow some jars, and take the oil you got in there and sell it. I gave it to you, I put it inside of you, use it. So then it was like you know, once I start coming out of the shadows and say, hey, you know, I'm going to need y'all to start telling people who doing this stuff for y'all, because I need this work, because as long as you're telling people that you're doing it.
Speaker 3:Audreyrey, and you know, and you, you just putting it up there and you're not saying, hey, by the way, this the person who did the graphics. If y'all looking for graphics, or if you're looking for this, or you're looking for a ghost writer, or you're looking for somebody who to help you brand strategizing, and like they used to say, hey, I'm just calling you to pick your brain, or you put my brain to two three in the morning, or I can't get to work on roku. Can you help me? And I'm up to two three in the morning, that's it work. Hey, if you need some help with it, hey, this the person to call. I got none of that and that's okay, but I but I moved on right.
Speaker 3:So it's like, when you, you move, be a blessing to people, and that's not to throw it up. You be a blessing to people, but you also realize and notice what your blessing is and you use the water god gave you and it will never deplete. They think that. They think that they have drained. The enemy would think that they have drained. The enemy would think that they have drained everything out of you. Okay, all her pollen gone. I can move on to the next flower. But what you?
Speaker 3:fail to realize is that I am a whale. Okay, my whale never, uh uh uh. My dad used to say this about how I ate A bottomless pit, I'm a bottomless pit. My well, look, my anointing is like a bottomless pit. God put so much in me it'll never go away and it's so much things that I have yet to know that I'm good at. That's what it's to wake up in the morning and be like let me try to see if I could do this. And, extraordinarily, I thank you. Thank you, god.
Speaker 3:I didn't even know I could do that. I didn't know I could do that. I didn't know I could bless somebody with that. I didn't know that what I said to this person saved their life. I had a girl to tell me after I left a speaking engagement last year, a girl I saw that she ended up working at a theme park around my house and she said your book saved my life. I gave them all copies of it Can't Always Be Night and she said I read your book. She was like and I just wanted to give up At that time I was at a low point and I didn't want to be here no more and I read your book and it helped me. It helped me get out of an abusive relationship and then he ended up with some killing him. So you never know who can be impacted with your story.
Speaker 4:You never know and I think god put up oh, wow right, right, the thing is, yeah, and the thing is we just have to be willing to tell our story. You know, we just have to hear the Holy Spirit letting us know, regardless of whatever's going on around us, regardless of who, that the Holy Spirit knows when it's our time. And the Holy Spirit will let us know when it's our time and it is definitely your time, because you have helped so many people and I don't know a lot of people, but I listened to the three or four people that I know talk about the three or four people that they know that you helped and the three or four people that they know that you helped help, and so god is is is moving your name throughout the industry and you are always going to be a blessing to somebody.
Speaker 3:Okay, because I have always got women who have come together long as you put god first as long as you take care of your family, then you're going to always be a blessing to somebody else, but I do want to say this because I know, it is so important to take care of yourself as well. The waiting room, especially when we're battling with illnesses.
Speaker 4:It's so important for us to take care of ourselves.
Speaker 3:We're coming out with an anthology based on the waiting room. How has God shown up for you in your work time? How has he delivered you from your waiting room? What projects are you working on now?
Speaker 3:What emotions are you going through right now and they are not telling stories that they have told before. They are giving you new experiences about other things that may have happened to them in their life. With these esteemed authors told before and the plethora came out with, you will not hear the same story twice. So this is exclusive that they have entrusted in me. And that was um and God. That that God shall I say to bring forth and um, um also. You know it was. It was such a uh outpour of women who contacted me and was like how can I be a part of this? How can I do this? Because I was trying to figure out what I do. I do want people to be able to tell their story. I do want people to be able to give their testimony or to have. I want to extend that opportunity out. Well, a friend of mine, dr Bellman, came to me one day and said what about a devotional? Maybe you could do a devotional. That way you could bring people in who might not have had the funds or the the resources to join the anthology. Give them a chance to tell, to be a part of development for that. So now we got two books coming out on the same day we got the anthology and then we have. I am getting a plethora of people coming to me, um, asking y'all and um that we'll see how they can turn it into a play or a movie like, what can we do with it? So, um, I'm I'm trying to figure out the best attorney, uh, to handle that right now. So I'm dealing with that. And then I just got an email from me to have my own column on Patheos, which is one of the largest Christian-based sites that speak on different topics and religion. So they have asked me to come on as a paid columnist to write for their website. And, of course, you know I write for Podstars magazine. My girl, teresa Howell, is the editor-in-chief and owner of that magazine and Miss Queenie actually introduced me to her. Let's see what else. My youngest son book, uh, my superpowers are not weird, um, him and his dad. They have a joint uh collaboration book that they just came out with. That's a bestseller, um, so that that was in the works.
Speaker 3:The camp, uh, rise Rise Without Earthquakes actually has a prequel coming out, and that one is based on my mom's life and it's called Fine Light China. So I'm working on that and hopefully I can be able to have that out by June. I was actually the main character in Mountains Can't Rise Without Earthquake. But China stole the story, stole the show and because of that she knows it too. She let everybody know. Yeah, you know, my baby came out this book.
Speaker 3:But, you know, people love me, you know, if it wasn't for me, you know she probably wouldn't have sold that book. My story sold the books and I let her run with it and I let her be great. I love my mama, wherever you at, whatever you at, but I love you. But she basically took she, she, she, she, chyna. That's me. So you know, she's very, very proud of it and, um, yeah, so I, I and just tell her story because a lot of people, um, don't understand her and they, they did, why she left, um, and why she never got her kids back, and I want to be able to redeem her. I want to be able to, you know, let people know.
Speaker 3:Look, you know she was traumatized. She went through a lot with, not just with my dad and his family, but with her own family. People hurt people and she felt like she was doing the right thing by doing what she did and leaving because she felt like that her presence would be even more tumultuous to our lives. I give her all the respect in the world. Right, jada, my oldest son. Right, jayden, my oldest son, right, yeah, son marvis was the same way about this, and that book teaches the kids to have self-discipline, know when to do their chores and those different things, and he absolutely loved that book. When he was about three that was his favorite book. That's all he wanted to read every single day was self-discipline and now his favorite books.
Speaker 3:You ask him his favorite book, you would think he would say the Honorable Bee or his book no Dog man, that's like a little cartoon dog superhero, um, and yeah, so that's his favorite book. And you would think it's the honorable b, but it's actually um, uh, life of a firefly, firefly, um, and it's actually by one of the authors of. He loves that book. So you know, what can you do? They write their own books and don't even say their own books is their favorite, but they are my favorite children's books. How about that? Because they are deeply rooted in the word. Jayden's book is is uh, stemmed from the, the uh, the 11th. And marcus's book is stemmed from the 11th. And Marvis's book is stemmed from the Bible verse, so these books are a replica. Jayden's book is Anti-Bullying Strengths and you know to get over that. And then Marvis's book is about you know how he and my niece's favorite book is the Honorable Pete. You know, people do what they don't understand and everything is not a handicap.
Speaker 3:What he has is not a handicap. It actually is a superhero and it's a superpower.
Speaker 4:And I have to let him know I'm Einstein.
Speaker 3:And they deemed him crazy, and now he's known as one of the top geniuses of our time. Yeah, you wore me down, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know you did did. Yeah, I always get emotional. People try to criticize. I've been attacked and criticized for you know things that I do for my kids and you know saying I'm or that, um, I shouldn't be trying to get an 11 year old book to be a bestseller and these and I'm like how could you even think that way?
Speaker 3:you're supposed to ask so. When I think about those things, that how people try to attack me if I'm being, um, I get, I get very, um, defensive and I get very emotional because, yeah, I know that that child was almost not here and it was my fault. You know so. You know that's going to always, that you know so that would always is going to always get me emotional.
Speaker 4:Well, yes, yes, right, right, Right. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:Right, mm-hmm. And you can see that it's real because it's a reflection of now how my oldest son treats me. He comes in, he checks on me, he makes me breakfast every morning and making sure that I'm okay Every hour of the day. And my youngest son, he showers me with love. And they cannot best learn behavior. They only mirror what they see, you know.
Speaker 4:That's the word, yeah.
Speaker 3:Listen, linda.
Speaker 4:you know, yeah, listen Linda, I'll station here you can find me on Facebook if you put in a first part at Jacqueline Cox, or you can do facebookcom forward slash listenlinda23.
Speaker 3:I'm on Instagram spiritualsunbeam2020. I'm on spiritual Spiritual Sunbeam 2020. I'm on Bread Spiritual Sunbeam 2020. And I've been coached into going on X. I'm on theirs. Listen, linda 23. I appreciate it. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:I love you too. Well, I just want to say that today has been most satisfying interviews that I've had in a very long time. I'm so grateful to Miss Audrey. Look, when I told y'all that, when I told the women in the anthology that they were going to interview me Right, maybe they jumped up. They were ready. They said we can get our opinions in paper. We're going to get her back because she made us cry. So we're going to get her back. But no, seriously, in all honesty, I really enjoyed.
Speaker 4:I tell you, if anybody saw the relationship between you, your mentorship, your therapy sessions that we had, they would not have any doubt that. God knew exactly what he was doing.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:So I applaud you for being an awesome author and being an awesome businesswoman awesome author and I'm in a room called the book slam and Dr. Velma, showing how much love you have and for everybody, ms Laquita Parks and especially Mr Marvis um Facebook and um you, and he remind me of me and my husband when we were young. Who invited me to her boot camp, that he hosted on Tuesday I really appreciate the way you take care of you, especially all the things that you are going through.
Speaker 3:I really appreciate that I have remained very good friends with y'all when this poor little baby yeah, like Jane and dead girl walking.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I appreciate you all and you guys the audience. Okay, yeah, okay, and I appreciate you all and you guys the audience, and I would say a prayer, but we're going to leave with Nikki Giovanni and her adaptation of the Rose that Grew From Concrete by RS B Park.
Speaker 4:So tell everybody how to find you. Thank you, okay. Well, ma'am, I really appreciate spending this time with you and I I I am so, so blessed to be a part of your life and a part of the projects that you have going on, and I know that you will always continue to bless people, because God blesses you every day and you appreciate him for those blessings. So you take care and I love you. And is there anything else you want to say to the audience?
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 4:Praise God.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 1:Okay, yes, ma'am.
Speaker 4:You do the same.
Speaker 6:You try to plant something in the concrete. You know what I mean. You do the same Same thing with me. You know what I mean. I grew out of all this instead of saying, damn, he did this, he did this, just like damn, he grew out of that, he came out of that. That's what they should see. You know what I mean All the time, so I have to make that. I have to turn and answer. You know what I mean Unbelievable. I just want to be gay.
Speaker 5:That's what I'm saying. Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack in the concrete Proving nature's laws wrong. It learned how to walk without having to be Funny, it seems, but by keeping its dreams it learned to breathe fresh air. Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else even cared. No one else even cared. The rose that grew from concrete. Did you hear? Did you hear about the rose that?
Speaker 4:grew from a crack in the concrete, Proving nature's laws wrong. It learned to walk without having feet. Funny, it seems, but by keeping its dreams it learned to breathe fresh air. Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else even cared.
Speaker 5:Keeping all its dreams, proving nature's laws wrong. It learned how to walk without having to breathe To breathe the fresh air. It came from concrete To breathe the fresh air.
Speaker 6:To breathe the fresh air. To breathe the fresh air. When the fresh air? To breathe the fresh air. To dream about the wrong thing To run the track in the car. To dream about the wrong thing. To dream about the wrong thing. To breathe the fresh air. To breathe the fresh air. To dream about the wrong thing. To dream about the wrong thing. To breathe the fresh air. To breathe the fresh air. To dream about the wrong thing? To breathe the fresh air. Don't ask me why. Thank God, nigga.
Speaker 3:No-transcript no-transcript you're doing a good job, congratulations. Thank you, mama. Okay, I'll let you get back to doing what you're doing.