Listen Linda! Hosted by Jacquiline Cox
Music commentary
Listen Linda! Hosted by Jacquiline Cox
Finding Love in Tenth Grade
What happens when teenage love stands the test of time? Dr. Velma Bagby's bestselling memoir "My 70s Love Story" reveals the beautiful journey of faith, patience, and divine timing that turned a tenth-grade connection into a 50-year marriage that still thrives today.
During this special Listen Linda Book Club meeting, host Jacqueline Cox welcomes Dr. Bagby to share the intimate details of how she met her husband in high school and the spiritual principles that guided their relationship. As an award-winning author of nearly 25 books, certified dating coach, and ordained minister, Dr. Bagby brings profound wisdom about what truly matters in finding and sustaining love.
The conversation takes unexpected turns as Dr. Bagby reveals how she wrote a list of qualities she wanted in a husband and gave it to God—never expecting the shy church girl she was would catch the eye of the handsome boy in her class. Her story challenges today's dating culture with timeless truths: focus on character over conditions, substance over style, and partnership over appearances.
Listeners will be moved by powerful insights about maintaining identity within marriage, the importance of being equally yoked in faith, and recognizing that the real enemy of marriage isn't your spouse but spiritual forces working against your unity. Through audience questions and Dr. Bagby's transparent answers, we explore how couples can fight together in prayer rather than fighting against each other.
Whether you're single and waiting, dating and discerning, or married and growing, this episode offers a blueprint for God-centered relationships that honor both individuals while creating something stronger together. Join us next week as we continue exploring this remarkable love story that proves when God sends the right person, you won't have to question it.
Yeah, you're fine. Hey there, I'm Jacqueline Cox, but you might know me as ListenLinda. Um, where do I even begin? I guess you could say I wear many hats Podcast host, entrepreneur, Mrs Illinois, USA, and so much more but it all started with a simple passion to tell stories and empower others. Building a platform wasn't easy. There were days when I wondered if anyone was even listening. But then something amazing happened. I realized the power of my voice. Suddenly, my words were reaching people, touching lives, making a difference. Now I see my mission clearly to create spaces where every voice can be heard, Because when we listen to each other's stories, we grow, we connect, we become stronger. Every voice matters, Every story has power. So what's your story? I'm here to listen and together we can make our voices echo far and wide. To be a guest on Listen Linda, contact Jacqueline Cox on Facebook Messenger.
Speaker 3:Hey, hey, family, welcome to tonight's special Listen Linda Book Club meeting. I'm your girl, jacqueline Cox, bestsellingselling author, visionary and founder of Lish and Linda Publishing, and let me tell you tonight is going to be one for the books, literally and spiritually. We are spotlighting none other than Dr Velma Bagby's beautiful, heartwarming testimony, wrapped in teenage love, baby, my 70s love story. Now, this ain't a book, it's a blueprint, okay, it's a reminder that God's timing is real. Prayer works and true love doesn't always wait until you're grown. Sometimes it finds you while you're still becoming so, before we get started.
Speaker 3:I'm going to open with prayer Father, we come to you, we come before you tonight with hearts full of gratitude. Thank you for stories that stir our souls, that remind us of your faithfulness in every season. Bless this meeting, every reader here and the author, whose transparency is a testimony of how you make all things beautiful in your time. May this conversation inspire us, lord God, to wait well, to trust fully and to love with intention. In Jesus' name, amen. Now, now, now, dr Thelma Bagby, can you tell the audience just a little bit about yourself and what it is that you do?
Speaker 4:just a little bit about yourself and what it is that you do. Well, I am an award-winning best-selling, internationally best-selling author of close to 25 books now, and I've only been writing since 2018, after retirement, so I was long into those years before I actually got started. I am also a certified dating and relationship coach. I'm an ordained minister as well as a speaker and trainer, so I'm excited to be with you all today to share my story.
Speaker 3:And we are super excited that you're here. If you guys don't know anything about Dr Valmont, she is a very, very good friend to the show, to all of my shows. Actually, she's one of the first, one of my first guests on Listen Linda about what? Two and a half years ago? And she has been storming the Listen Linda way since then. Y'all, I'm telling you with the book, the catch, the catch series um, so many different books, I can't even know every book she come out where she gonna hit this show. Just know that, okay. So this one in particular is a really, really, really special one. It's called my 70s love story. It's right now a bestseller on amazon. It's in the top 100. I think it's number 62 today. So congratulations, thank you. Thank you On that. I got a few questions for you. What inspired you to finally tell this story after all these years of?
Speaker 4:living it. At the time it was very early in my stage of writing and I connected with the Christian Book Lovers Retreat and they put the call out about participating in an anthology, which is why I always encourage those who are kind of sitting on the sideline thinking they need to write a book but don't know how. I always encourage them to connect with the people that I know who are producing anthologies, and it's a wonderful way to get your practice in and that's what I was doing when I wrote this book. It was an opportunity to write because at the time I was writing truth nonfiction. So my very first book was nonfiction and this one was nonfiction.
Speaker 4:So I said, well, let me tell how my husband and I met and that's what inspired me, because I remember promoting it around the pandemic and it just took off. It was off the charts with the high school audience. They couldn't believe the things we experienced in high school and what we had to deal with when we met someone. So they were just eating it up. So I'm just excited about being able to tell that time and share some of the tips and tools we did not have that today can be helpful but also harmful and how just going back to some of the basic things we had to accept back then is really kind of the better way and the safer way, and so I'm just excited that it's actually resonating with the 70s audience as well as those who are just now hearing the story.
Speaker 3:Absolutely absolutely Now. You know, I got to ask because a lot of people want to know, right? You know I'm queen of questions, oh my gosh.
Speaker 4:Now, this is easy. Let me get my wait. Let me put my seatbelt on. Okay, I'm ready.
Speaker 3:No, this is easy. How did? How did Pastor Bruce respond when you told him you were writing this?
Speaker 4:story. He's always been a part of my writing. The character in the catch series, pastor Grayson, is modeled after my husband and I always touch bases with him whenever I'm talking about something that's related to a male. I always touch bases with him whenever I'm talking about something that's related to a male. Just validating is this true? You guys think like this. So he's been involved in the process. So he's read through this story.
Speaker 4:When I was writing it, he understood what I had to say, and then there's a section in the back where there were questions I had that I never got a chance to ask him about, and so, as I was writing this book, I got those questions answered and included that in the back of the book. So I wanted him to be a part of that as well. So we kind of understand what was on his mind as a man and some of the things that just seemed curious and strange to me, or I didn't understand what was going on, and so he was able to provide me answers to that. So he's been involved in the process.
Speaker 3:That's so awesome. And for those who don't know, what is the catch series about, let's just, let's just. We're not going off topic because everything aligns into one with Dr.
Speaker 4:Velma's book, because it's all about love and discovering the love of your life, that kind of thing. And I just got so tired. And then, plus, my husband was a pastor for at least 10 years when we sat through pre-marriage counseling sessions and we're sitting there and the couple's expecting us to fix a problem or help them resolve a problem. That really was the fact that they were trying to marry somebody they should not have been married, and so all of those things came back to my mind after writing my first book and then this, and I just thought, okay, let me figure out a way to get the message out there about all the problems that many women are experiencing and why they're experiencing them. But put it in a fictional way, kind of like the pattern that Jesus used in the parables. He didn't try to hit anybody over the head about what you need to do and this is why you're doing this, and I don't like that. He didn't. He talked, he told a story and in his story he used something that was relatable to the person and by doing that he also as they, as he intrigued them with a story. They actually heard in that story the way to change, the way to get out the way to change things around. He never said now I'm done with the story, now what are you going to do? He didn't do that In many cases. He just ended the story and walked away. So I said that's what I wanted to do with the catch series. How do I talk about dating, relationship, tell stories, weave them in the way that people can relate to what's happening in the stories and and then provide a way of escape in the stories. And that's what I did with the catch series. And it was. It's so resonated with so many of the reading audience that they asked for more. So that's why it's now a five book series.
Speaker 4:At some point I did feel that Pastor Grayson presented a lot of principles that we can't really go into detail about in a fictional book. But I added a couple of nonfiction books just to kind of go into detail that people would have them. The Affirmation Journal that's one of the books as well. As in response to the small pocket of male readers I found that I had. They were asking me, what about the wrong women to date? So I added one to the catch series about the wrong women to date as well. So it's a couple. And then the Book of Fools Pastor Grayson talks about. God has given us the keys, and yet we don't know what's on our key ring. And they're sitting right there. What a fool looks like, what a fool acts like. And why would you not want to use that Not only in dating, but also in business and friendship?
Speaker 3:God has given us those descriptions.
Speaker 4:So why are we paying attention to what he said?
Speaker 3:this is what a fool looks like, so that's why, that was one of my favorites, that one and she'll tear down the house. You know she'll tear down the house. Had me up in arms. It made me cook more in my house because ain't no clean up microwave woman coming up in here. So y'all look, y'all think she is not female bashing, she is not male bashing. I'm telling you the cat series. It really helped me and my husband.
Speaker 3:We will be married 10 years this year and we met Dr Velma and Dr Bruce three years ago and when I met Dr Velma she had just released all the preachers, wives, and we met on Clubhouse and she prayed for me and when she prayed for me we ended up getting connected that way. But then we met back up again on the summit that she said yes to herself unapologetically, summit, and we became very, very close and I started reading her books because, like I said, she would come on my show and we would discuss the books and me. If you come on my show and we're discussing a book, you have to send me the book because I want to do my research, I want to read it so I can really understand the book and have real questions for you and not generated questions from Chad GPT. So I mean, that's just me. So I do my research and I was reading the books and I said, me and my husband, we started reading these books and we actually started learning a lot of things about each other that we, we could fix within ourselves and that we can fix, you know, collaboratively, collaboratively as a team, like as a partnership, and it really, really helped our marriage, like really and and and she'll tear down the house.
Speaker 3:Um, because my husband, he had the same thought processes past the booths, like we ain't gonna talk about the ladies, it's the, it's the messed up ladies out here too. So when she came out with that book, I read, of course, I read that one and had my husband in tears, crying, laughing, because he, because he was like he met some people, child and she was naming some people and the stories in there they were deep. They were deep, like they were deep, and. But I ended up reading the story about the microwave woman. Now, of course, I'm not a microwave woman. I know how to cook, but I don't cook a a lot. And why didn't I then? But, uh, I read that book, baby, and I get the vermin in the kitchen now because you ain't about to? Ain't no microwave, ain't no cleanup woman about to come take my hood.
Speaker 4:That was wisdom from my grandmother. She called her Mabel. Mabel will hop the fence and cook.
Speaker 3:I'll talk about that best on the cleanup woman. You ain't no cleanup woman ain't about to come up in here, so uh, that, that really you know, uh, dr velma and dr bruce, they really, really um, we, we were in a good place, but we're in a in an even better place now. We're back in like honeymoon stages now and it's it's really beautiful, um. So, going into that, I want to talk more about my 70s love story. When you wrote your husband list, did you ever imagine it would become like a public testimony?
Speaker 4:No, not at all. I had no thinking about that because actually when I look back on that, I'm going. You know she had this conversation with 16 year olds, but when you think about it, 16 year olds were like 25 year olds, Today's 25 year olds. We were more mature, more prepared. All of our classes were geared towards life skills and preparation for your life. We knew how to manage your bank account, your checkbook, all. We were taught all the life skills we needed Home ec. You know you don't hear those kind of life skill classes anymore. So we were well prepared as at 16 for those who wanted to get married right after high school. But it was just better training. We were just more mature as well. When you think of a 16 year old back then versus a 16 year old today, we were a lot more mature okay and um, I can agree with that too.
Speaker 3:Um, back, because even now, like um I, the way that I was raised, I was raised by all older, you know, black women, um, um, and during that time, like even when I was raised, like in the nineties and early two thousands, you know, they sat us down and they talked to us and they gave us, they gave us wisdom and knowledge that a lot of the parents these days don't give their kids.
Speaker 3:So um but for for people who have grandchildren and children, who just don't want to listen to you or think you don't know everything. Everything. Get on these books because it's not really telling them you know what to do or how to do. But it's a great story and it can give a lot of insight on um, the way that they should go about dating um. And she does it and she spends it. Dr velma spends it in a fun way where it's not um, it's not judgmental, you know, it's just. It's just telling you know what she did and how it worked for her, instead of saying, hey, you should do it like this, you should do it like that.
Speaker 4:No, she just tells her truth, she speaks her truth and and the truth is evident uh, she's been married over 50 years, so evidently she did something right well, there's a lot more dangers today and, in terms of how we have to meet and greet a person and get to know them, there's a lot more dangers today, and so we have to take a different approach and be careful as we get to know the person. I just think that so many people are so quick to just jump on a date and you don't you with a stranger, and there's so many tragic stories that we can read about what happened with that. And then when I did my research and then this was concerning the Catch series I found that marriages were on the decline, starting in the 70s and actually late 60s, 70s, and what they tied it to was the fact that we stopped the training and preparation. Like you said, some of us had grandparents, older aunts who could pour into us. A lot of that didn't happen.
Speaker 4:And then we moved into the 80s where young people were saying you can't tell me what to do, and so they rejected wisdom, which God tells us. A fool rejects wisdom. Wise counsel they rejected wise counsel. They thought they can do it on their own. So we just had a pretty messed up experience for several years because of that kind of thinking, and so now it's kind of going back to well, you know what?
Speaker 4:Let me call my aunt. Oh, you know what? Let me call sister so-and-so. She's been married blah, blah, blah years, because if you've been married two minutes, you can't tell me anything. Just talk on the phone. Don't offer me two minutes. Where can you tell me? So it's about those who have the experience and have that wise counsel that can help to pour into you and that's what you want to gravitate towards and that was what I tried to do in that book. If you didn't have that, at least you had something you can go to and get some understanding about what you should be looking at and what your perspective should be regarding meeting a person.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. I agree with that 100%. So, dr Velma, she didn't just write a book, she left us a legacy. She didn't just write a book, she left us a legacy. So we created something to honor that love story, something visual, something cinematic. What did she? Choose to do Something unforgettable. So grab your tissues and take this in, because here is the official trailer for my 70s love story. Oh, don't cry now, dr bm, because we don't got time.
Speaker 4:We're gonna be crying today okay, let me not get my glasses foggy. Let me take that off I wasn't looking for love.
Speaker 7:I was just trying to get through 10th grade with good grades, strong faith and clean edges. But then he looked at me. He chose someone else. I didn't care, he was still a kid, but I knew enough to take it to God. I made a list and I left it in his hands. I stayed focused on school, on ministry and on becoming who I was meant to be. But God, he was working behind the scenes and when the time was right, he came back. He's still tender, still true, still seeing me the same way he did in 10th grade. My 70s love story by dr velma bagby, because some love stories don't need decades. But it was just my imagination.
Speaker 4:Running away with me. It was just my imagination Running away with me. I don't know what you're trying to do to me today. How did you like it? You even played one of our favorite songs.
Speaker 3:Yes, Now you know I know that song because I got it for you for your anniversary. Remember, you said that was your song. Wow, Did you like it?
Speaker 4:like it.
Speaker 3:Yes, it was really wonderful okay, good, I'm gonna have to tone that music down, because it was a little high so you couldn't really hear it.
Speaker 4:But no, it was nice it was nice.
Speaker 3:Okay, good, I'm glad you liked it. That was my little surprise that I have for you. I'm glad. I'm gonna make sureall send it to you so you can have it. Thank you, um. So now we are gonna get ready, um, for a game and I'm gonna bring up the ladies who are in attendance from the book club. Have Myra Cook. We have Audrey Ann Moses, we have Carolyn Coleman, we have Katrina Fuller. Hello, ladies, it's time to play a game. So the first person to get this question I mean get their question correct will win a $25 cash app. Okay, courtesy of Listen, linda. Book Club. The first question is going to go to Myra. I want you to tell me which one came from Velma. I'll read you a quote. You tell me if it's from Velma or from the Bible. You ready?
Speaker 8:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3:I wrote a list and gave it to God. I wrote a list and gave it to God.
Speaker 8:Okay, it came from the bible, I believe, because she said the lord said no ma'am wrong, wrong wrong I was debating between the two because I remember you know her saying.
Speaker 3:But now that's right, because it was in the classroom well, you're gonna have to wait till next time, sorry, okay. Next person will be dr audrey ann. I want you to tell me if it's from velma. Good job, good job, you won a 25 cash, congratulations congratulations remain, my friend, you know I love you, dr velma, love you, dr Velma, love you back.
Speaker 3:All right, carolyn, this game is called Name that Book. I'll read a quote or a theme, and you guess which Dr Velma Bagby book it came from, when you're in your down season I want to think it came from um.
Speaker 2:Is that the wrong catch?
Speaker 3:no, ma'am, it came from a place called down. Sorry, you do not win the $25 cash app just yet. The next one, the next one. I'm going to go back to Myra. Your yes is all god needs. Your what. Your yes is all god needs dr velma, it is dr velma, but I need you to tell me which book.
Speaker 8:Oh, oh, oh which book I don't remember.
Speaker 3:I don't read it so many, oh lord your yes is all God needs um the one about Finding your Boy no, ma'am, I'm sorry this book was called my yes to God.
Speaker 8:I haven't read that one yet.
Speaker 3:I didn't know me either okay, katrina Fuller, are you there? Yes, ma'am, I'm here I'm gonna need you to tell me is this a quote, or is it from the bible? He who finds a wife finds a good thing.
Speaker 10:That's from the Bible. Do you know the scripture? It's in Proverbs 31. You was?
Speaker 3:close. It's Proverbs, but it's 1822. But, that's okay, that's all right. You'll get a $10 cash out. You'll get a $ dollar cash out. Okay, you'll get a ten dollar cash out. Congratulations. And last but not least, I'm gonna spin it back around. Uh, one more time, one more time. Um, carolyn coleman, okay, I need you to tell me which book. Okay, I need you to tell me which book. Princess, adjust your crown what which number book? No, which the name of the book? Okay, princess adjust your crown. Yeah, I'm looking at this book.
Speaker 2:Princess, adjust your crown. Yeah, I'm looking at this book. I like to have me out here with no zebra.
Speaker 4:Carolyn, what are you doing?
Speaker 2:She's looking at my book. I got that book, baby. I got all of Dr Delma's stuff. Princess, hold your head up.
Speaker 3:You got it. It's okay, you got it. You got it. Hold your head up, princess. You put, princess, hold your head up, but you close, you close, you close. So you get the $25 cash out One more time. I got you, I got you. One more time. I got you. I got you, myra. I got you, you ready.
Speaker 4:Come on, myra, you can do it.
Speaker 3:I really want Myra to get this Now. Is this a scripture or a quote? He looked at me like he already knew the ending. Is that, dr Velma, or the Bible? Dr Velma, yes, it is. Congratulations, you got those 25 dollars. Come on, andre. Come on, I know you cooking baby. I hope it's good. Okay, scripture or, dr Velma, for I know the plans I have for you. Scripture, good job, everybody wins $25. Cash out, congratulations, congratulations, congratulations. Okay, now, since we got you guys here, I need you guys. It's uh. Now I want to open the floor for our readers, dr velma. So if anyone has a question, um for dr velma, um, can you? Um unmute your mic? And we're talking about the my 70s love story. So if you guys read the book, we're only going to go over the first maybe 10 pages, because it's only 27 pages. So I don't want to do any spoiler alerts because we still have another show next week, okay, so if you guys want to ask her any questions about the book, you can can Anybody have any questions?
Speaker 2:Carolyn Myra, I do this is Carolyn. I have a question or maybe I have a statement. Anyway, dr Bellman, the ball's in your court, do you think?
Speaker 4:and I think we touched on it just a few minutes ago women are more in a rush to get married than to get to know their partner. I think there's two problems there. What I found is that women are focused on the wedding and not on how to be a wife. That's one and so, yes, that's. That's where the rush is. They were really not taking their time to really get to know the person and wondering and also confirming that this is who God wants you to marry. So they're leaving God out of the equation, because if they had, if they were trusting God to help them to make that decision, they would take their time to make sure they're looking at the quality characteristics that this man has, and that's what you want to fall in love with. They fall in love with the conditions, what they see, what they think the person does. Some women even fall in love with the positions they have in the church, which is crazy, because that doesn't qualify anybody to become a husband, and so it's important that they take their time and really examine.
Speaker 4:I have a daughter right now in her 30s and we're going through this process now and we've had, we're having conversations along the way in our process Same thing and so it's important that they take their times, and I keep reminding her of those conditions that you don't focus on and what they focus on. How much money is he making? How does he look? And I said, conditions change over time. I've seen you know I don't you see the picture that how we looked on our wedding day. We don't look like that anymore. And so what if my husband based his requirements on how I looked back then, or I based mine on that Afro I loved braiding up at night? It's all gone, and so we have to be careful that we focus on what's what's important, and God teaches us that in his word. Anyway, again I mentioned the keys. God has provided us the keys to so much wisdom, but we forget what's on our key ring we really do.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I agree, I agree, totally.
Speaker 3:Thank you, thank you so much for that, and we're going to take a small break to get a word from our sponsors and then we're going to come right back. Okay, just maybe like a minute and a half guys.
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Speaker 3:This is your mic drop moment.
Speaker 6:We are back. Dr Bellman is out, so we are going to take another one minute break. Be right back. There's a story inside you, but for years it's been silenced by fear, procrastination and not knowing where to start. You've survived storms, you've walked through valleys and now it's time to turn your pain into purpose and your story into a book. This is your moment. Welcome to the 21-Day Author Boot Camp, where aspiring writers become published authors in just three weeks. You don't have to do it alone. You just have to say yes. Turn your testimony into a title. Turn your journal into a journey. Turn your story into a book that outlives you. The 21 Day Author Boot Camp Enrollment is open. Turn your journal into a journey. Turn your story into a book that outlives you. The 21-Day Author Boot Camp Enrollment is open. Visit wwwlisten. Linda presents 1.com to sign up. Spaces are limited Financing available.
Speaker 3:We are back and we are getting ready to get some more questions answered. So, myra, do you have a question for the author of the month?
Speaker 8:yes, you know how. You said you titled it my 10th grade love. You said you titled it my Tenth Grade Love. Okay, when y'all met, what did you think of him exactly when you looked at him and you saw that he was interested in you?
Speaker 4:what did you think? Well, initially I thought I was curious because I was shy. I was not as well-dressed as many of the other girls in our high school because my mother had minimal income, taking raising, you know, seven kids by herself, and I had gotten myself a part-time job so I was able to buy myself some of my clothes, but it was just really standard stuff, whereas all the other girls who you knew had money dressed the latest trends, had makeup on hair, a specific way. So I was curious as to why he was interested in me. You could tell the bad guys are the ones who were up to no good in high school, but you could also tell the ones I never noticed.
Speaker 4:My husband before saw him around campus but never really noticed him, even in my class. It was the girl in my class that had to point out point him out to me which guy. She said do you think I should go talk to him? I said which guy? Because I'm not. I was not focused in that way. Let me hurry up and find me a guy that's interesting. So I was curious as to what made him find me interesting compared. And the other thing too he was so handsome in high school he always had girls around him. So that was something I noticed too and you see, in the back of the book I asked him those questions when I wrote this story. I wanted to know too. Let's clarify some of these things I had questions about. Let me put it in the book.
Speaker 4:And he said the reason he did not look at the other girls. He said because of the way they were acting. He didn't want anybody that were acting like that, being in a hurry to chase after him. He found me interesting because what he saw me do around the campus, I was focused, I was involved in my books, in my classroom, the same thing. So I wasn't after any guy and so that was curious to me because I thought I was playing.
Speaker 4:I didn't wear much makeup and I was like I said in the book I was the definition of a church girl. I didn't wear much makeup and I was like I said in the book, I was the definition of a church girl. I didn't, you know, go to a lot of the after school events, in the sense I went home or I was always at church. So that was kind of what my life was like and I was not interested because my goal was get myself a job go to school at night after graduation, so I could get off my mom's payroll myself. A job, go to school at night after graduation, so I could get off my mom's payroll.
Speaker 2:I felt like I owed her that.
Speaker 4:That was what I was thinking at the time. He was cute. When I finally looked at him I said, yeah, he is cute and those dreamy eyes, that's what I fell in love with. But again, it's conditions. You get to a place where you want to punch them eyes out. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2:That's how I had a little humor.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, you do get to a place where you want to punch them eyes out, that's for sure.
Speaker 4:So I hope that answered your question. Yeah, it did, thank you.
Speaker 3:You're welcome. All right, katrina Fuller. Do you have any questions for the author of the month or a statement?
Speaker 10:hello we can hear you, sweetie, oh, um. I was wondering, um, if, at any point in your marriage, because you guys have been married for so long, did you, like lose your identity in your role, or how were you able to maintain who you are as an individual, even if that is possible, throughout your 50 years of marriage? Individual, even if that is possible throughout your 50?
Speaker 4:years of marriage. I'm not quite sure what you mean by your identity, because understanding what your role is, god requires that you operate as one unit. So you have to figure out a way to merge his personality with my personality, his upbringing, my upbringing, my perspective, his perspective. And he's expecting us to operate as a unit, as one. Because when you think of the number one, the number one doesn't compete with any other number in math. It stands on its own, just like God is the only God. So the goal was, according to God's instructions, was to operate in unity and agreement and however way we can make that happen, that's what we have to work towards doing.
Speaker 4:Didn't lose anything at all, and I know I've heard that terminology before. You don't lose anything. You bring who you are to the table, he brings who he is to the table, and you both do that. In terms of the marriage, I was a deputy administrator with the state of California, so I operated 10 offices and over a hundred staff, but when I walked into my door at home, I was just my husband's wife and that's all. I wanted to be at home, I was his wife. I came home, I had my crock pot and everything churning before I left for work, came home and finished up the dinner because I love. It was part of my love for him preparing a meal to make sure that we all ate healthy, and that it was the best thing for him.
Speaker 4:So it's about your perspective. There's no such thing as losing anything. You really don't. You should be able to bring something to the table that benefits that relationship and that's the way it should always look. You're bringing something, he's bringing something, but nobody loses anything. And it's a pleasure to meet you, katrina. I don't think I've met you before, but thank you for your question, katrina is also one of the contributing authors for the Through the Rain anthology.
Speaker 4:I saw her name.
Speaker 3:Yes, she's participating. Katrina, did that answer your question?
Speaker 10:Yes, it did I. Just I understand her saying that we have to look at it from a different perspective and I really did appreciate her response. It's just with reading some things and hearing from different people and their perspectives. I know we're talking about yours and I honor that about yours and and I honor that um, I guess I've heard of challenges where women had a hard time with maintaining their personal relationship, like they explained that. You know they had a relationship with God and then that changed when they got married. But they still find it necessary for them to spend that alone time with God to, I guess, strengthen themselves as an individual, to continue to contribute to the marriage as a couple and building as one.
Speaker 4:I'm interested. That's curious to me, that people and there's a lot of misconceptions out there across religions about a woman's role in her marriage, and it's unfortunate and I'm saddened by it, which is one of the reasons I began writing what I've been writing, because it's so off track, which is why marriages are falling apart in the church as it is outside of the church, because we have lost it, we don't know what we're doing, and then we give a perspective that's not biblically sound. And so I'm saying to you you're not going to lose anything, and I invite you to go back to scripture, specifically looking at those where God talks about what he's expecting from a couple, because whoever and whatever God has called you to be hasn't changed just because you meet a husband. That your assignment hasn't changed just because you get married. None of that does. I've met people who have married someone in the church and they were an abuser. So it's not about any of that, because when I hear that a woman feels like she's losing who she is, either she didn't marry, said I do to the wrong person, or she's in the wrong marriage, and so that's what I would get concerned about when I hear things like that, that it sounds like to me that maybe this wasn't ordained at all, and so because what will happen?
Speaker 4:Just like I talked about earlier, my husband supports my writing. My husband supports the things that I do. He worked in. He was a mechanic for a bus transit system. He worked his way up over the years, but when he first got started he was a mechanic for a bus transit system. He worked his way up over the years, but when he first got started he was a bus mechanic. I was the one that had the elevated role, but it didn't matter. I didn't wear that on my sleeve, neither did I make him bow to me because I had that position. So it's about what you do with what you got. I didn't have to prove anything at home because my husband was proud of what I did, and so I would suspect that when I hear things like that, something's not right in that relationship. It doesn't matter to me what they're saying.
Speaker 4:What God ordains, you should be supported. What God ordains you should feel very comfortable with who you are, because you bless that man who you are, and your anointing blesses that man. It adds to his life. The reason you're called a crowning achievement of his life you're his crown is because you're his crowning achievement. That's who God made you to be, and he will not move into many of the things God has called for him until you arrive, and so it's the same thing for you as he gives you the into many of the things God has called for him until you arrive, and so it's the same thing for you as he gives you the same level of support. I'm not trying to preach on this, but I'm going to stop.
Speaker 2:No, it's okay, no, dr Bama, I mean Jack. I'm sorry.
Speaker 3:Hold on Carolyn, I finished with Katrina first. Yeah, katrina, katrina, go ahead, Katrina, because Katrina was going to say something else.
Speaker 10:Oh, I was just going to say thank you.
Speaker 4:I hope it helps.
Speaker 4:I'm telling you something's not right in those relationships you just mentioned to me and I'm telling you there are so many so-called marriages out there that all they are are arrangements. So be careful. I always invite people to surround themselves with a wise counsel, people who are mature in their belief, people who are mature in their relationship, people who understand what God has called them to do and be in a marriage. Refer to them, surround yourself with them. But I I've heard a lot of stuff and junk out there and and my ears are shut to those people because they don't know what they're talking about, absolutely.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. I can say the same thing too with um, with my husband. Like when we got together, um, he was retired military, he was in school and he was a. He was driving trucks, truck driver and I was finishing school. I was, I was working, you know, corporate DCFS, but I still didn't really started really getting into my craft and what God called me to do, which is do ministry through my words and through my poetry and through my writing.
Speaker 3:When I was doing CNA, when I was doing Uber, when I whatever it is if I said I wanted a store, he, he invested in the store. When I said I wanted a clothing line for the kids, he invested in that. It's like, whatever it is, he's the type of person that, whatever it is that God calls you to do, even with our kids, he invests a hundred percent in he's. He's totally invested, he's totally supportive. He's not one of those people that feels like, oh, she's doing this and I'm only doing this. So you know. He's not one of those people who will make you feel like you have to dim your light, you know, in order for him to feel like.
Speaker 3:You know, real masculine or macho. He's not that guy. He's real laid back, just super supportive of everything I do. You guys see it all the time. He's the first one on. I think he's like the biggest supporter. He got like a badge on my page. He be on there so much putting hearts and stuff on there. So it's like when you have someone and you have that person, you will never lose yourself, because that man will never allow you to lose yourself. He will be so wrapped up in supportive of you and whatever it is that God called you to do, that you guys will elevate together. You will grow together. You will grow in the word, in the scripture and just in life, together as a team. So I agree with Dr Velma with that.
Speaker 4:And Carolyn, you had something you wanted to add to that, let me just say quickly that those are signs that you should recognize in the very beginning in meeting that person. Those people showed signs early on and they probably married the person, carolyn go ahead.
Speaker 2:I was going to say, you know, be ensuring, ensuring that you're equally yoked, because people will say one thing and do another and once, sometimes once people the I do's are done, then another person comes in and you're're like where's the person I was dating? So just ensuring and praying and asking you know, god, you know, is this the person for me? Because if they are, they're not going to switch up and change on you like no say it um, they're, you know, supportive of you.
Speaker 2:Uh, that's the way I look at it, but ensuring that you're equally yoked, because I see women taking on the man's role, the man's role in their role, and I'll be like, oh, that hey, and they're not gonna let it fail because they don't want the public to see them fail. But but you've already failed, yeah. There's a lot of them out there, but you know, I'm sorry.
Speaker 9:I was saying could I?
Speaker 4:chime in. Come on in Dr.
Speaker 9:I was listening to. Is it Kimberly?
Speaker 4:Katrina, katrina.
Speaker 9:Katrina's question, and so, katrina, I wanted to ask you something Do you feel that once you're in a relationship, or have you been in a relationship where the person you was with did not honor your relationship with God? Because I thought one of the things you asked was would you have to alter the way you worship or the way that you honor God and your private time with God? And, like Carolyn said, if you're in a relationship that is equally yoked, you won't have to worry about that, because that man needs private time with God, just like you do, and you all together will worship and will study and will grow stronger in God. If you know when God gives you the right person and several of Dr Feldman's books hit on that exact situation when you are not with the person you're supposed to be with, then a lot of times what happens? Your, your worship times seems to lack because you're so busy trying to please somebody.
Speaker 9:And and I know we've all been through that, except dr velma, because she's been married since she was 14. So um, so, but um, but you know. You know, miss audrey, okay, but um, but you know we have to. My sister got married out of high school and and I want. Her and my her husband have been married over 50 years and I have watched them and grow and I have watched them, you know, just throughout their their time and and it's phenomenal. So, once you find the right person, all of those questions you're not going to have, because God's going to make sure you get the right person that you're supposed to have.
Speaker 4:I remember writing a post once and I've been posting during this month, since this is Love Month. I've been posting lessons on love, these little captions, and there was one post that I wrote about the importance of making sure that he can do more than just DM. You. Can he get a quick prayer to God, Can he? Can he reach God through prayer Besides his DM and you can do that. Does he have a relationship with God and one I even posted only seek love with a person who shares your faith and values, and those are the things that she's talking about Pray, your prayer, life, your time along with God. If that's not existing, even when you're dating this person or getting to know that person, then that already is a red flag. That's already telling you you're trying to see the wrong person. That's already telling you you're trying to see the wrong person. But what happens today is because the goal is the wedding women marry them.
Speaker 3:Anyway, katrina, you done. Lit a fire.
Speaker 10:What you got to say. Well, first let me say that I'm glad that you know she asked me that question because I did want to put out a disclaimer that, yes, I was in a relationship that compromised my relationship with God, but I'm currently not in that relationship. I've been married for five years. Yes, I've been married for five years. A clear understanding of where we're at spiritually as far as you know, worshiping God individually and, you know, together, and things of that nature. So that's not so.
Speaker 10:I asked the question but I wasn't speaking of my personal experience. I just know that I pay attention with people that have been married longer than I have, because we have questions. I mean, this is not my first marriage, but I've been married for five years. So it's like you know, I hear of this seven year itch and you know things of that nature, and I know that every marriage is unique according to God's plan for that marriage, and I know that each individual have to submit to God's will. Um, and and. But that's not what my situation is now. I'm just very inquisitive and, um, and and I just want to be successful, um, you know, in in my endeavors and I and I and I like seeking wisdom. So but, dr Velma, I do plan on reaching out to you independently because, I do want to hear more about.
Speaker 10:You know what your experience has been and what you have to offer as far as um, you know, counseling and things of that nature.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, I'll reach out to you, of course and make sure that you also reach out to Dr Audrey Ann, who's a spiritual Christian life coach. It's a lot of women on in our network, especially in the Through the Rain anthology, but Dr Velma for sure for marriage, for sure.
Speaker 4:You know, as an ordained minister we're trained to do counseling, so let me just put that out there. I only got that certification because there are people out there who like to see it. You know certified and dating relationship from coach and marriage. But my ordination would have been fine and plus I have a PhD in theology and my doctorate is in theology, so I understand what God's word says for us. The one thing I wanted to close with she said something about unique when I said that so many people are seeking the wedding and forgetting how to learn how to be a wife. That role comes with responsibilities as well.
Speaker 4:And what we don't understand is there's an enemy that's going to attack your marriage, that's not happy with you trying to unify and work as a unit because he hates unity and agreement. So sometimes you have to understand that your enemy does not always have a face. So in your marriage you can't always try to put a face on what the enemy is doing between you all in your household. Identify your true enemy first, because you cannot wrestle with flesh and blood when you're fighting that spiritual foe. It's not flesh and blood. There's a way to attack him, to keep him out of your home and out of your life. So that's one thing. So it's important to understand who your real enemy is, so you're not blaming each other all the time.
Speaker 4:Know who the real enemy is in situations, and that's one thing I would expect you to learn. But also, as you go along, just understand that God has purpose in every marriage. He brings together every couple. He has purpose. It's not just me out there ministering, it's both of us. God has a purpose for you both, and so you have to understand what that is. And sometimes that becomes a place to attack as well. You must learn to fight together in prayer. You must learn to fight together and fasting and praying together and making sure that you know who your real enemy is. And I will not blame my husband, he will not blame you. But together you guys will come up against the one that does it cause this kind of disruption. You guys will come up against the one that does cause this kind of disruption. That's it. We can't hear you, Jacqueline. I can't hear you, Jacqueline.
Speaker 3:Your mic is mute girl, I done, did that whole thing and y'all couldn't hear me okay thank you again, dr Velma, because I gave you a whole spill.
Speaker 3:So thank you again, dr Velma, because I gave you a whole spill. So thank you again, dr Velma, for reminding us that true love honors God's timing and that purpose always comes before the partnership. To every woman out here tonight if you've been waiting, keep waiting. If you've been praying, keep praying. And if you've made your list, never lower it. Don't shrink, don't settle, don't chase, because when God sends it, you won't have to question it. So keep believing, keep becoming and, as always, keep listening. Linda and I'm going to ask Ms Katrina Fuller, the MVP of tonight's episode, to close us out in prayer.
Speaker 4:Can we first?
Speaker 3:find out what Dr Audrey is cooking. Yes, because she's over there in the corner. All I see is a bunch of pots on the stove.
Speaker 4:What are you cooking? Yes, dr Audrey, what's?
Speaker 3:on the menu.
Speaker 4:What's on the menu?
Speaker 9:Well, I'm leaving tomorrow to go to camp meeting for seven days, and so I'm really cooking stuff to take with me. So, and I'm cooking uh, vegetarian so I'm cooking cutlets, which is, um, just a snack kind of meat you can slice it up or whatever. And um, and I made some, uh, you know, like pool chicken. I made that out of jackfruit and I've cooked some greens yesterday, so I have that to go, and I brought cucumbers and salad. I'm going to send y'all a picture. I brought cucumbers and salad out of my yard. So that's what I'm doing. That's awesome.
Speaker 4:Okay, yeah, we're going to call her Chef Audrey. I know that sounds good, all right.
Speaker 3:Ms Katrina Fuller, can you close us out in prayer for tonight?
Speaker 10:Yes, ma'am, father in heaven, we come to you on tonight with humble hearts, just thanking you, lord, for being who you are.
Speaker 10:You are the true and living God. You are the most high God and there is none more merciful, more graceful than you are. Lord, god, we thank you for this fellowship on tonight with this book club. Father, we thank you for um dr velma and for her testimony, lord, for we know that we overcome by the word of our testimony and by the blood of the lamb, lord, and we know that we cannot do anything without you. Father, we invite you to be the center of our lives, to transform us in every relationship that you have ordained to be in our lives. We ask that you open up our eyes so that we can see you clearly, and open up our ears so that we can hear you more clearly, lord, and guide us with your divine steps in ministry and what you shall have us to do here on this earth as it is in heaven. And, father, we thank you for everything that you are doing in us and through us and for all that you will continue to do, and it's in Jesus' name that we pray, amen.
Speaker 3:Amen. I want to close it out by also saying thank you, dr Velma Bagby. It out by also saying thank you, dr Velma Bagby, for becoming the book club author of the month, for blessing us with my 70s love story. We will see you again next week. Oh yeah, it's the whole month, so you have to come again next Monday, and next Monday we're gonna finish up the book. We're gonna actually read excerpts from the book this time, and then we'll have some more questions from the audience and more prizes, guys. So tune in, be inspired. And, dr Velma, I'm going to end by actually playing your trailer from the upcoming anthology Through the Rain. Rain, when your chapter is called what again?
Speaker 4:destroying the yolk, I'm just kidding. Destroying the curse of divorce destroying the curse of divorce.
Speaker 3:Thank you guys again. Um, if you guys would like to, um to the Listen Linda book club, all proceeds go to the readers and the prizes you can donate to the Listen Linda live through Cash App. Dallas I Young Safe Leaders Zelle there's the number there and it goes towards the author's book trailers. It goes towards the cash and the gift prizes for the readers and the members and I just appreciate everybody again and thank you all again. Thank you Myra Carolyn, dr Adrienne, katrina and Sondra Washington who tuned in earlier for about 30 minutes, and everybody who's watching now on Facebook, on LinkedIn, on YouTube. I seen Miss Queenie Clem come in earlier. There's her comment hey, hey, hey, from YouTube. So thank you, miss Queenie Clem. Hopefully you can join us next week and that'll be all folks. Have a wonderful night and don't leave until you watch the trailer. Good night.
Speaker 1:Some storms shake your home, others shake your soul, but the ones god allows, they're designed to break chains. She's a pastor, a wife, a mama, a woman of faith with decades invested in love and now staring down the storm of her life. He's God's servant too, a preacher of the word, a man who stood at the altar and said I do with every intention of keeping it, god, what do I do with this? They have the titles, the faith, the calling, but even covenant can get caught in the crossfire of generational curses.
Speaker 7:Baby, what you gonna do with all you done invested in that man. Just hand it over to the next woman.
Speaker 1:That was the moment God stepped in, not to end it, but to refine it. He wasn't trying to break them apart. He was burning off what he couldn't use. This isn't just a marriage. It's a ministry, a movement, a miracle in motion. Some couples survive storms, others rise from them with purpose in their bones and fire in their testimony. Read the story, break the cycle and remember what God joins together, no storm can tear apart.
Speaker 1:Pre-order Through the Rain anthology and read all about Dr Velma's journey of love and war, and love again, destroying the Curse of Divorce Coming this fall. Contact Dr Velma Bagby to pre-order now.
