Toxic Trait of the Day-Spotting Spiritual Manipulation

“God told me, you better obey” can sound like faith, but it often functions like control. We talk about spiritual manipulation as a toxic trait that has harmed a lot of people, especially in church spaces, and we draw a clear line between spiritual guidance that helps you grow and spiritual control that keeps you emotionally dependent. If you’ve ever been pressured by guilt, fear, titles, or “touch not my anointed,” this conversation gives you language for what you felt and permission to take it seriously.

We break down the red flags: prophecy that creates confusion instead of clarity, leaders who demand total access to your choices, and the way jealousy can hide behind spiritual talk. We also name a hard truth: charisma and character are not the same thing. Someone can be gifted but not healed, talented but toxic, and still use religious authority to shame boundaries, punish questions, and call your growth “betrayal.”

We get honest about church hurt and religious trauma, especially for people raised to respect leadership at all costs. Fear-based loyalty can keep you stuck in a spiritually abusive environment, but a healthy space should never require you to lose your voice, identity, peace, gifts, or mental health to stay connected. We also share how your body often senses manipulation first through anxiety, pressure, confusion, and emotional exhaustion.

If any part of this hits home, share your story in the comments, subscribe, and pass this along to someone who needs clarity. If you found it helpful, leave a review and share the episode so more people can recognize the difference between faith and control.

Transcript

Naming Spiritual Manipulation

SPEAKER_01 0:48

That's kingdom, that's classic. Born selected. Now, today we are back with today's toxic trait of the day. And today's toxic trait of the day is one that has emotionally damaged a lot of people, especially in the church spaces. Today's toxic trait of the day is spiritual manipulation. And baby, this conversation is overdue. Because one thing about manipulative people, they love using God, guilt, fear, titles, and religion to control people. Now let's be clear: there is a difference between spiritual guidance and spiritual control. Healthy leaderships help people grow. Manipulation keeps them emotionally dependent. And some people have learned how to sound spiritual while operating from pride, ego, jealousy, and control. We talked about it a few minutes ago. They'll say things like, God told me, you better obey. Touch not my anointed. If you leave this church, your life is gonna fall apart. You're rebellious, you're under attack.

Prophecy Versus Projection

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Baby, sometimes people are not rebellious, they are just waking up. Because controlling people hate boundaries, especially when you when you have those spiritual boundaries, right? They hate when people start asking questions about unhealthy behavior. They hate taking accountability, they hate people who are independent thinkers, and they hate when people stop easily being controlled or used. And unfortunately, some people they'll use prophecy, fear, and shame to manipulate vulnerable people emotionally. Now I'm gonna say this real careful because I want to make sure that um I got my tongue the correct way. Real prophecy should bring wisdom, clarity, confirmation, peace, yes, conviction, okay, and growth, not confusion, not fear, not emotional torment, and not dependency. Some folks are not prophesying, they're projecting. That part right there, right? And the scary thing is that charismatic people can fool a lot of folks because they sound powerful, they talk like this. But charisma and character are not the same thing. Some people are gifted,

Charisma Is Not Character

SPEAKER_01 3:52

but they're not healed, talented, but they toxic, anointed, but emotionally immature. And one of the biggest red flags is when you see somebody that always gotta control everything. They have to have total control. Who you talk to, who you do business with, who, where you go, what you wear, how you think, who you support, how you spend your money, and how you talk. Everything becomes about power instead of genuine spiritual growth. Oh, you don't need to work with that person because I met them before and they treated me bad. Whole time I done talked to the person and they ain't never met you a day in their life.

Control Disguised As Covering

SPEAKER_01 4:44

They're just your competition. Now, why would you want to go work with that person? Why you ain't call me first? That's control. Nobody has to call you and get your permission to do anything. Why you start doing that? You could have let me know you betrayed me. How does somebody betray you because they started to do something and they ain't tell you about it? They didn't betray you, they just evolved into what God told them and called them to do. But since they better at it at you and and you look at them and you see um and you're intimidated, they betrayed you. No, no, no, no, no. That is manipulation, that is gaslighting.

Fear Based Loyalty And Church Hurt

SPEAKER_01 5:39

But I'm gonna tell y'all something today that is not healthy, and honestly, some people stay trapped spiritually and in spiritually abusive environments because fear was preached into them more than freedom, so they stay bound be because they think that is loyalty, but it's really a spiritual, you know, abusive prison that they in. They they got fear of leaving, fear of questioning, fear of boundaries, fear of disappointing the leadership of somebody that they that they held to a high standard, fear that something bad will happen if they walked away. I can't just leave so-and-so like that. I don't know what they'll do without me. Baby, God is not intimidated by your healing, and healthy spiritual environments should not require you to lose your voice, lose your identity, lose your peace, lose your gifts, lose your talent, or lose what God told you to do, or your mental health just to stay connected to them. That is not of God. I sent it back to the pits of hell in which it came. And let me also say this: every church is not toxic, every leader is not manipulative. Everybody who says that um that they are of God or they are Christians, some of them really are, they really are, they are true, loving, acceptable, accountable, wise spiritual leaders out here. But we also cannot keep ignoring spiritual abuse just because it happens in religious spaces or it comes from somebody who swear they're a Christian, swear they are a woman of God, swear they're a man of God. Because trauma in church spaces or religious spaces still creates trauma. And it's a lot of us out here, especially my generation, that are healing from things that happen under the name of leadership, submission, and

Body Signals And Spiritual Red Flags

SPEAKER_01 7:55

covering. Because we grew up in the church with our grandparents, so we honor that and we respect those leaders, we respect our elders who are older than us and say they are women of God or men of God. We respect them because we grew up in the church and we we our grandparents and our parents taught us how to treat them. But it's some of y'all out here that's lying, y'all lying, and that's real. One thing my daddy used to say watch people whose mouth sound holy, but whose spirit feels heavy. That stayed with me. I talked about it yesterday. That really stayed with me, that constant um anxiety, you can't understand it, you know. Your spirit can often sense manipulation before your mind can understand it. You you always got anxiety, that fear, you feel pressure when you're talking to that person, you know, that confusion, and then every time you lead them, you emotionally exhausted, you are just drained dry. Pay attention to that because I'm gonna say it again: God is never gonna be the author of confusion, and he don't give us the spirit of fear, he gives us the spirit of power, love, and sound mind today's toxic trait of the day, spiritual manipulation.

Comments Prompt And Subscribe

SPEAKER_01 9:31

And before we end this video, I want to ask y'all something else. Have you ever experienced manipulation disguised as spirituality or leadership? Have you ever um experienced manipulation coming from people who swear they are woman of God or they are a man of God or they are a business person, but they dripped in in the word, and then next thing you know, you've been manipulated, you've been scammed, you've been conned, you've been stole from. They got you doing something, and then they taking money on the side, they backdooring you, taking money under the table. Talk to me in the comments. And if this conversation spoke to you, if it challenged you, or if it helped you put words into something that you've experienced before, subscribe, share this video, and then come back tomorrow for another real conversation.

Poetry Contest Details And Themes

SPEAKER_01 10:29

And before I go, I want to let y'all know I am doing a poetry contest. That's right. Listen, Linda Publishing is doing a poetry contest. I want to talk to y'all about it a little bit. So, the poetry contest, I decided to do this, it came to my spirit today. And with this poetry contest, right? Um, I want to say I want to make sure I get it right. So it's $25 entry fee. Okay. You can submit more than one entry, okay. The winner will receive an official award from Listen Linda Publishing, half off of our 21-day poetry challenge, okay, and you'll get a feature in Medium Digest. So there are three themes for the poetry contest: church hurt and religious trauma, marriage, loyalty, and emotional survival, and black pain, survival and identity. Okay. So all the genre and topics are welcome, but those are the things, okay? So it can be faith-based, it could be spoken word. You can you can record a spoken word, or if you went to an uh open mic and you got a video of it, you can you can submit it that way, right? Um, urban, love and relationships, healing, motivational grief, social justice, family motherhood, and more. Okay, so there is a jot form on my Facebook, and I will also put it in YouTube in the comments below. So if you're not following me on YouTube, please follow me on YouTube at listenlinda bm. Okay. Um it's open to youth and adult writers nationwide. New in-season poets are welcome. The the deadline to submit is June 15th, and the winner will be announced on July 1st. Okay, so I think that this is an amazing um opportunity to not only gain exposure, win an award, but you will also get 50% off a publishing package from Listen Linda Publishing, and it does come with the bestseller campaign, it does come with a free um book cover, um, 21 days of prompts from Listen Linda um book publishing, and you will have a way to market yourself, your business, and your brand. Okay, so get with me. Um, there is more to come if you are not following me on Facebook already. Please follow me soon. Okay, love y'all like Christ

Anthology Invite And Closing

SPEAKER_01 13:05

loved the church. Oh, and another thing, I am publishing for Shannon Savoy with Narc Free Living. She is also doing an anthology, and the anthology is called From Black Sheep to Blueprint, okay. From black sheep to blueprint. I am um blessed to be the publisher for this anthology. Okay, so um it's breaking free from family betrayal, bloodline altars, and narcissistic covenant. Okay, so if you want to be a part of that, um make sure that you follow me on Facebook at www.facebook.com slash listenlinder23 uh for more information, or you can subscribe to Narc Free Living LLC right here on YouTube, and you will find more information and the link to fill out that information. Okay, it's a few more days left for that, so um, we welcome to welcome you to join us, and um, it's gonna be exciting, all right. So, love you all like Christ love the church. I am out, okay. Okay, yeah, okay. Somebody said that. All right, all right. Just trying to make sure I get all my all right, love y'all like Christ, love the church, and I am out peace.