The Good Stripper Marci Warhaft Shares How The Pole Helped Her Find Self Worth

Marcy Warhaft's candid exploration of her unique life story reveals complexities of trauma, vulnerability, and the quest for self-acceptance. Through her book, "The Good Stripper," she opens up about her tell all past experiences with loss, shame, and healing, providing valuable insights into embracing one's authentic self. This episode was recorded via zoom along with a Great Roads Red IPA, a Sober Carpenter White and... Vodka! 

Read Marcy's book, "The Good Stripper: Soccer Mom's Memoir of Lies, Loss, and Lap Dances," available now on Amazon, or listen on Audacity.

Your Dream Home Does Not Have to Be Just A Dream. Today's show is brought to you by Kimia Nejat of Exit Reality Metro. Kimia is the realtor who knows how to get things done. Buying or Selling? Go to afternoonpint.ca/kimia and we will set up an introduction

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:15

Cheers, cheers. Welcome to the Afternoon Play. I'm Mike Tobin, I am Matt Conrad, and who do we have with us today?

Speaker 2 0:25

I'm Marcy Warhack. Marcy, author of the Good Stripper.

Speaker 3 0:29

Alright. Author of the Good Stripper. So that's a whole other thing. We'll unpack in a minute here what we like to do generally. When we first start, we talk a little bit about what we're drinking. So, Mike, we're still technically in January while we're recording this, so you're still drinking non-alcoholic beers.

Speaker 1 0:51

This is a white non-alcohol craft beer.

Speaker 3 0:56

And I got Great Roads. Anyone who listens to us knows them. We go to great roads often. This is my favorite beer that they do. It's their red ipa. So it's uh, yeah, great, great beer, so, yeah. So what do you? What do you got there, marcy?

Speaker 2 1:10

I have got some vodka. Vodka straight up, it's the only thing I drink.

Speaker 1 1:13

If I drink, it's vodka and it's just great vodka that's gangster. I love that.

Speaker 2 1:19

It's pretty badass considering I don't like I didn't drink for a million years and then started and yeah, I just like it's clean, straight.

Speaker 3 1:26

So yeah, what's your, what's your favorite vodka?

Speaker 2 1:29

then you know what I really should have one, but I'm so not picky. This happens to be gray goose only because I was visiting my son and he had it. He doesn't drink it, so he said he could have it, but honestly I'm so not fancy, okay, yeah yeah, that's that vodka is probably on my on one of my like least favorite things to drink.

Speaker 3 1:51

But really occasionally there's some good ones out there and, like you know, you can get some pretty good ones that are out there. But I had a vodka that was from New Brunswick that was oaked and it was probably it had a little yellowish Hue to it but it was probably my favorite vodka I ever had.

Speaker 2 2:11

Really I don't drink a lot of it, but there's no hangover Wine. I love the idea of wine, but it gives me a headache, it makes me sleepy and anything else I don't like. But there's, you know, not no hangover wine. I love the idea of wine, but it gives me a headache and makes me sleepy and anything else is. I don't like sweet drinks, so you know it's pretty nice.

Speaker 3 2:26

Just yeah, straight up Russian style.

Speaker 2 2:30

Exactly, one of my grandfathers was Russian, so maybe it's in there somewhere. Maybe it's in my DNA.

Speaker 3 2:35

There you go, there you go. So that's it. So okay. So yeah, so you alluded to it right away. I mean, we talked a little bit before when we were getting set up and everything. So you reached out to us because of a previous guest of ours, julie, yeah, and you had a couple different things. I mean, we have a bunch of things that I want to talk about Obviously, the Good Stripper, the fact that you actually were with Defy magazine at one point, and then also you had your own podcast. Let's do a couple clips. There's a couple of interesting things there that I'd also like to talk about too.

Speaker 2 3:15

Oh, really Okay, Cool Fun.

Speaker 3 3:17

Yeah, so thanks, I guess, to julie, because that that's kind of how you discovered who we are. That's how we discovered who you are and, uh, really appreciate you. Uh, you reaching out, because I mean anytime someone reaches out to us and says, hey, I'd like to be on your podcast, I am the good stripper. I have lots of crazy stories to tell.

Speaker 2 3:39

I mean yeah. How do you say no to that? How do we say no to that.

Speaker 1 3:43

It's a good lead-in. That's a really good lead-in.

Speaker 3 3:47

So I guess, like I don't know, do you want? I guess we can start off with, uh, with the good stripper. So I I like the little subtitle too is soccer's, soccer mom's memoirs to Lies, loss and Lap Dances. So let's talk about Nicole's notes of the book.

Speaker 2 4:04

Well, I'll tell you this. It's actually the title is a bit deceiving in that when you look at it you think, oh, it's going to be a stripper story, but it's not, and that's. Did I ever dance? Yes, but honestly, maybe for a few months over 20 years ago. It was not a big part of my story. It's a significant part of my story because it's like how did I get there? It's not the typical story and and it was, uh, like I said, it didn't go on for that long, but the dancing was part of a double life that I led for a few years. So that that's the bigger story. It's a smaller part of a much bigger story, and I mean in a, in a nutshell, which is so it's so hard, but without giving too much weight it.

Speaker 2 4:47

Basically I wrote it because two reasons. One, I was somebody who started off in life thinking I could do anything and I had this really supportive, encouraging family and everything was great and I felt loved and safe and I was this little like I would. I was very outspoken, but I would also dance and sing and that kind of kid, you know. And then life was like wait, hold on, like not so fast. You think everything's great. But hold on a second sister and it started kind of sucker punching me and I had some major things happen and I kind of lost my self-worth and my self-esteem and I went from being a kid who thought I could do anything to thinking I deserved nothing and I was worth nothing. And that set me up for some stuff in life.

Speaker 1 5:34

Why do you think those feelings happen when you're so young that you stop believing in yourself at such a young age?

Speaker 2 5:40

I think there were so many things. I mean, that's the thing with the book. I'll just tell you this I was seeing a therapist many, many years ago, before I wrote the book, and she said you know, your life would be a great story, but nobody would believe that everything happened to one person. So there's so many things, but I mean I think the, the, the, the major thing that that turned my life upside down was when I was 17 and my parents were divorced and my father was out of the picture and I was very, very close with my big brother, who was five years older. So I was 17, he was 21 and he got sick and he died and I didn't see it coming. I was writing my English exam. I got pulled out of class and was told he died.

Speaker 2 6:20

And I always say that that the minute before I heard that Billy died was the last minute I felt safe in the world. So at that age, when you're supposed to feel invincible, right, as a teenager, you think nothing bad's going to happen. I was like everything bad can happen, like if, if, this could happen. So I felt very unsafe. I felt I had no control. So I had to figure out how I'm going to control my life.

Speaker 2 6:45

And I also felt he was so great, like he was such a great person, and I'm like I can't, I'm not like that, like the world needs him more than me. So I felt it should have been me. And even though I had a fantastic mother who was like so I felt it should have been me, and even though I had a fantastic mother who was like no, my God, no, what would I do without you? I still felt like it should have been me. And so I sort of went through from then on, thinking like okay, like I can't, I'm not good enough, so I have to sort of prove that I'm good enough. But I didn't fit and try to be the best, but never thinking I could. So it just and that kind of snowballed and I wasn't prepared for how life would throw things at me.

Speaker 1 7:27

I wasn't prepared for some people that manipulated me and kind of betrayed me, and are you talking like friends or family I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 7:34

I got married and, and you know that ended up. Yeah, I was married for a long time and and we had a great marriage for part of it, and then things took a turn.

Speaker 1 7:42

I was 24 which was for me it was it was.

Speaker 2 7:48

It was.

Speaker 2 7:49

Yeah, I think it's young you know, I was still not, I don't know who, didn't know who I was, and right, yeah, um, everything seemed like maybe okay, maybe my, if I got married, my life will be normal. You know, because I've been through I mean, there's so much crazy stuff until I was 24, like wild stuff. But it just didn't and things just took a turn and it set me in into experiences and places that I just I didn't expect and it took me out of myself for a while and the dancing became part of it and I was married with kids. I didn't expect, and it took me out of myself for a while and the dancing became part of it and I was married with kids. I didn't need to do it Whenever somebody's funny.

Speaker 1 8:24

So the double life spirit from the marriage got really working, or whatever.

Speaker 2 8:29

It got weird and I had been through so much trauma, like we're talking, there was crime in my story, there was death, there was a near-death experience for me Like so much craziness that I hit a point where I'm like I can't. Like I always say a therapist I think that she may have made this up but said to me she called it a traumatic overload. And it's when there's just so much and I haven't had a chance to catch my breath. It was usually one thing after another after another that your body just goes you're done, you can't anymore. So then when the next thing came, I was just like all right, that's it, like I'm just gonna. So when people don't know my story and they see the stripper part, they'll often say sort of that that cliched. Well, you know you were doing what you had to do to put food on the table. I'm like, no, I was married, he had a good job, there was food on the table. The reason I did it was so crazy. So the reason I wrote the book was after I got.

Speaker 2 9:26

I ended up getting out of this crazy life and I thought, okay, I'm on kind of the straight and narrow, but I had so much guilt and shame over stuff that I had done, that I carried with me and that brought back that feeling of that low self-esteem where I thought, okay, I did bad things in my head, huge bad things that I don't deserve to be happy, I don't deserve to be healthy, I don't deserve to be loved. I was trying to do that for my marriage and with my kids, but for me I didn't believe it and that is a terrible way to live. And then I got divorced and I was turning 50. And you know how you have your the terrible twos that kids go through. Can I swear, yeah, okay. So I think I went through our still going through like my zero fucks left fifties, and I was like you know, I was turning 50 and I was like I'm done hiding, I'm done, I was carrying these secrets around with me. What if people find out the stuff that I did? Nobody knew I danced, nobody knew other stuff? And what if my kids find out? They were like teenagers at the top? I'm like it was a horrible way to live and I'm like you know what, I'm done hiding.

Speaker 2 10:35

And I had a couple of friends who knew parts of my life, not all of it, but they said you should write a book because you've been through so much and you survived so much. You could be inspiring. And I was like no, because to me I was seeing my failures, they were seeing my successes. I was seeing how many times I fell down. They were seeing how many times I picked myself up. I wasn't there yet, and it was when those things kind of came together that I went.

Speaker 2 11:01

You know what, like I am just going to put it out there and whatever happens happens If people are mad at me, because I thought everyone's going to be mad at me, people are going to lose respect for me. But I really was at a point where I'm like, okay, there's more years behind me than out of me. Okay, there's more years behind me than enemy. And I also learned that I had survived some really tough stuff and I thought that's the hard part, right. Like getting through what I got through was a hard part. If someone judges me for how I survived, I can handle that Like that's on them.

Speaker 2 11:33

So I had to get to a point, you know, and so with my story it's a lot of it's not like it was good, then it was bad, then it was good. It was it was good, then it was bad, then it was good, then it was bad, then it was better, then it was bad, and that's like and I'll just say this like I'm rambling, but even though the details of my story are unique, like there's some interesting stuff in there what I'm finding is that the people who read it will come to me or message me and say that they can relate to so much more of it than they expect it to, because the themes are universal. Right, everyone's been through loss or bad relationships or issues with their kids, or issues with their parents or health stuff, or like there's that's universal. So even though the details are different, the themes are the same, and so I'm so glad I wrote it.

Speaker 3 12:47

Yeah, I mean, it's probably really relieving to kind of also just get it off your chest and then to be like, well, it's out now and you know a weight off of your shoulders, a sense, right it is.

Overcoming Shame and Embracing Authenticity

Speaker 2 12:58

It's funny, though, because writing it is one thing. Then, when I heard it was going to be published, like that's super exciting, then you realize, like when people will say to me it just happened at my dinner the other day, where a girl was like I ordered your book and I'm always like you're gonna learn a lot about me so it's like the idea that oh god, wait, people are gonna read it and I don't hold back, like I'm like if I was gonna write it, I was gonna write it. So you do get to know me really well. So that's a weird, that's a very weird feeling to know like, oh God, people are.

Speaker 2 13:29

So I'm always kind of like okay, but it's, it is unbelievably liberating, because I do kind of feel like I really can say anything and do anything now, because I I kind of shared everything pretty much. I mean there's more now, but it's very freeing. It really is. It's not for everyone, and I get a lot of messages from people saying how could you be so honest? And I'm like try it. Like you think the world's going to collapse, it doesn't, you know what I mean it doesn't.

Speaker 1 13:59

That's awesome what year did the book come out?

Speaker 2 14:02

2001. That's awesome. So you're the book of 2021, 2021.

Speaker 1 14:06

2021. Yeah, so it's been a few years. Yeah, and you have an audio book now too with it. Yeah, and do you read?

Speaker 2 14:11

the audio book yourself.

Speaker 1 14:12

Yes, oh cool. Oh good, that's great. Yeah, that'd be a fun lesson. Yeah, so cool. So I guess now, where? Where is the stand today? Are you? Are you going around, you're doing public speaking, or how are you staying engaged and kind of?

Speaker 2 14:29

Yeah, well, there's some things in the works I can't talk about just yet with the book, but yeah, I do a lot of book clubs, which is really fun and and things like that, and I also, from this, I'm going to do a few things. I'm also a fitness instructor and personal trainer and I do that. But with this, I've had a lot of people come to me and ask, like I said, how are you so honest or how did you get rid of the shame? So I do some resiliency training where I help people get through some of the shame, and then I also help people who are putting together books with with editing and that. So it just kind of takes me I do different things.

Speaker 1 15:06

Like it's, it's opened up um so many different venues. So, to stay on the shame part, like I, I mean, for some reason, I don't know, I don't love that word shame, just because it's like you know what, I don't know, I mean I, I, I haven't lived your life so I can't say that's something you should be ever be ashamed of. More of a sense of personal embarrassment or personal whatever. Right, like that, worry about your kids, my bad, I get right, you know, and uh, I mean, how do you, uh, how do you get people to cope with this? Like, uh, you know, we were all at that point.

Speaker 1 15:33

Now I mean, I'm over 40 and there's things that I wanted to do that I never did, right, like you know. Maybe just uh, artistic endeavors or whatever, where I'm afraid that if I go and do that, like, if I go put out a music, a song that's a little, you know, aggressive or whatever, that it might ruin my career, you know, or something like that. Right, let's just say right, yeah and uh, so I worry about that stuff all the time and every creative, even this podcast was probably crippled for years before it actually came out because I was so afraid just to make something right, like I was, like what if I?

Speaker 1 16:08

look like a complete dumbass and everybody thinks I'm just lost my mind and every you know what I mean and everybody shuns me out. I was super worried about that. So I get it from that perspective of but uh, yeah, I don't know what like how do you help people do? That well, you know, I'll tell you.

Speaker 2 16:23

Well, you know I'll tell you. There's so many things, but I'll tell you this one thing I realized. First of all, somebody is going to think you're an idiot. It doesn't matter what you do, there's always going to be somebody and there's always going to be somebody. But who cares? What I realized was um, because I did have people sometimes like I curse sometimes or I, whatever, I'm very out there and I'm very on people like oh, don't you think maybe you're missing out on some opportunities, or maybe you know you're turning some people off.

Speaker 2 16:49

And my thing is, it would be so much worse if I lost out on an opportunity that could have been for me because I didn't show them who I was then missing out on something because I am who I am, you know what I mean. Then it's not right for me anyway, If I'm being as Marcy as I can be and somebody goes oh, she's not for us, I'm not for them, because they would figure that out anyway. But imagine if I was holding back something that I loved and that's exactly what they're looking for. That's such a shame, you know. So it's, it's. It's that whole kind of cliche. I hate cliches, but the thing is, you know your vibe attracts your tribe. You know it's like the more you you are, then you're going to get the people who get you, and why would you that's a wicked way to say it your vibe attract your tribe.

Speaker 2 17:32

Yeah, I like it I like it.

Speaker 2 17:33

Yeah, man a million quotes that we'll see on social media saying just be you right, I mean here and then, but the follow-up is really, but not like that, you know, or as long as you are like me and there's so much of that, um, but you know what I I don't know what it is. I really just kind of flipped this. Something happened with me where it was just like I truly am not bothered, like really it took me this long, though it took from somebody who cared what everybody thought, you know, to really not worrying about what other people think, because they're not worrying about what I think.

Speaker 1 18:22

Yeah.

Speaker 2 18:22

You know, nobody's waking up in the morning going, oh God, what should I wear? What would Marcy like? Or should I do that, what would Marcy? So why am I giving them that kind of energy? I don't anymore.

Speaker 2 18:34

So I think it's that fear. Also, the fear that I noticed what I thought okay. So I thought I didn't share my story because I was afraid of what would happen. But what the reality is, I was the one that was holding myself back. It was me, it wasn't anybody else. Right, I was the one judging myself.

Unveiling Hidden Truths

Speaker 2 18:57

So what actually happened is when I did release the book I remember doing my first book club and I thought, oh, these women are going to be mad at me with certain things. They were totally into another part. You know, it's like the things that we think are so huge to somebody else not such a big deal, but they might see something else and go oh, I don't get that. So I'm just projecting. I was all that shame. I didn't have to carry it because nobody else was looking at me like that, and so I was able to let that go, which is huge.

Speaker 2 19:28

So that's the thing it's to realize, also the power of sharing it. What's amazing is there's so many things that we do and we think we're the only one you know, or things that we've done and we think, oh, this is so terrible. Then you hear somebody else say no, I did that. And you're like oh, oh, she's not a terrible person. Oh, and you did that. So you realize, oh, we're human and there's so much power in that. But you don't know if you're holding that in. You think you're the only one.

Speaker 2 19:54

We kind of bully ourselves right and sometimes we're our biggest, our own biggest bully Most of the time yeah most of the time, yeah, for sure we wouldn't talk to other people the way we talk to ourselves. And and it's amazing how, just because I'm so open, there are, I had so many strangers who will, who will send me like their deep and darkest secrets, knowing, and it's true, I won't tell anybody, and and you know that I won't judge them, but it's amazing and it's, but it's also. They'll say to me I can't share this yet, like I can't, but they tell me like a confession Okay, was.

Speaker 3 20:32

Was there ever a message that you got where you were just like Whoa?

Speaker 2 20:37

there were a couple, there were a couple, there were a couple, there were a couple. Yeah, yeah, there were a couple. Uh, from a guy I can think of and a woman I could be, yeah, where I was like, oh all right, um, but hey, I know nothing like that, not like that, okay but, um, but, but yeah, and then you realize, I never would have guessed, you know, and that that's the thing you know everyone else seems so together, and then you realize, no, nobody's together well, it was weird.

Speaker 1 21:02

I was talking to matt the other day about, like I don't know, our show and our media kind of the direction we're going to be going to share with some other projects we're working on and uh, it's like you know, I was telling him a book I read. That was when I was really young. It was about, you know, called stick to your end. The motto of the book was my maestro fresh west.

Speaker 1 21:19

You know, maestro fresh of course he wrote a book called stick to your vision, based on a song he had called stick to your vision in like 97 or 99, right, okay, okay. So I read the book because I was like a kid at the time or a kid, I was like 20 right when it came out and I like the book really resonated. I loved his book, I really did, and I won't get him on the show here soon enough and get to tell him that person, I can't wait until we do that. But, uh, one of the things he had that I had the hardest time finding was he said first you need to identify your vision and you're like whoa, that first step is the hardest, right, like I mean, you know. So, like, for you, you obviously, all, through all these trials and tribulations, at some point something resonated where you had like a narrow, a vision, an ulterior motive, with all the experience that you had in life, to kind of build something out of it.

Speaker 1 22:11

Right, do you know how you realize that? Like, do you know how you came to that kind of conclusion from everything?

Speaker 2 22:21

I think, well, I, I, I'm still figuring that out. I think I, you know, I always say I change every six months and something new and figuring out something new, and I evolve. And but I mean the first thing, like we talked about at the beginning, where, um, when I worked with julie and I was the body image expert in her magazine, is I, you know that's, that was one thing that kind of helped me get out of some bad stuff. Was that? Um, one of the things that happened when my brother died was that I developed an eating disorder because it was this thing of two, two things. It was that okay, if I can't be smart enough and interesting enough, I'll try to be pretty enough. And at that point, eighties not that it's different now, but it's skinny enough and also it was control. At that age, when nothing is in your control, what's the one thing you can control is your body. Right, I can control what I'm eating, what I'm not eating. And I had a doctor I talk about in my book who really messed me up with that and told me I needed to lose weight to fit into society, even though I was at a very healthy weight. I was teaching dance, but he was just not a good person and so that that really set me off and so I carried that with me for most of my life the eating disorder, which is terrible.

Speaker 2 23:36

And then when I went into recovery for it, my kids were little at the time. I had two little boys and I didn't like what they were being taught at school about health. It was all about losing weight instead of gaining health and there were kids who were hiding food and it was just terrible. And I started. I didn't like what was going on and so I went to their school and I said I don't like the message that you're giving. I'd like to give another message.

Navigating Body Image and Self-Esteem

Speaker 2 23:59

And I had nothing prepared. And they're like, okay, come in on Friday and talk. And I was like huh, so I put together like a bristle board with some pictures and I talked about media manipulation and Photoshop and all this stuff, and you know what it resonated with the kids. And then it became a thing and so I started this program called Fit Versus Fiction and I would go to schools and I started with fourth grade and then the schools asked me to speak to youngest first grade. Um, and then I was the go-to whenever there was something in the news, I think this was before Facebook and before social media, so nobody saw on your, your LinkedIn, that you've been doing this for about 14 years.

Speaker 2 24:34

I started that. I think I started that in 2000 and yeah, I don't even know six maybe. So it was a long yeah, and just it wasn't something I planned. It was literally I felt I was, I was a mom and I was somebody who had dealt with it and I didn't like to see other mothers Like I saw my mother watch me go through that and feel so like I always say, the worst thing is seeing your kids in pain, whether it's emotional or physical, and you can't do anything about it, and then to help kids so they could avoid what I went through, and it was interactive and fun and nobody was talking about it Nobody. It's not glamorous to talk about immune disorder and body image issues it's not. But I was like I'll talk about it and I will.

Speaker 2 25:13

Also I'd see something on a show that I didn't like and I'd call them, or I'd see something, I'd hear something on the radio and I'd email them and they're like come on the show. So I was the go-to whenever there's something in the news about weight, especially kids, and things like that, and so that kind of became a real big purpose for me and that that's. That was that was. But you know what, though? I still, because at this point I had, I was still hiding secrets. So there was still this part of me that was like what if I'm on TV and then they tell everyone that, oh no, she's not such a good person, because she and I crashed after that? I had written a book for parents I mean, like I said, media time and I still was like no, I had to crash again and then pick myself up and leave my marriage and kind of realize, no, I, I deserve to be healthy and happy and this is where things are going to change. It only started changing for me like in 2016, 17.

Speaker 1 26:12

Crazy.

Speaker 3 26:13

Okay, wow.

Speaker 1 26:14

So I mean with today uh, I'm raising a teenager right now. Uh, so, like, what's some of the advice that you give to young, young women that are kind of suffering today from these, you know, not wanting to eat?

Speaker 2 26:29

You know, it's tough because people always ask me is it, is it better now, is it worse now, or it must be better now? I'm like, not really. I mean, but it's. You know what, though it's different. It's so different because, you know, I just I was asked to write a body image section of a book for women. It was a book being written for women health, women over 40, their health, and I'm writing the body image part and you know, I was thinking back when I was growing up. We didn't have social media right, and then you had a few channels on TV and I had my cosmopolitan no, my sister, she's seven years older her cosmopolitan magazine, and there would always be the models. And you flip open the first page and it would tell you the models, like the cover models, measurements and all that, and I'd look at that and um so, but we didn't have. That's what we had, like. We didn't have a ton of stuff. However, we had diet ads, right. We had a lot of things that that we don't have now. We had that then.

Speaker 2 27:22

But we so we didn't. But we also didn't have the plus of of now is that then all we had were those, those images that we saw. There was still the Photoshopping, there was still, you know again, the, the, the ads for can you pinch an inch? Or you know these diet supplements and things like that. We didn't have any of the body positivity or any good stuff. So that's one thing, whereas now there's so much. Some would say too much. You know there's, there's so much. So now what's tough is what's tough and what's good is.

Speaker 2 27:56

The problem is too much information, right? So you've got all this information coming at kids constantly and we all know it's like, you know, somebody takes a picture and they're like I just woke up and you're like you know 817 pictures later. That's what they will and the filters and the. But it's so hard when it comes at you that. But there's also the good stuff. There's also a lot of people showing, you know that, that they encouraging the more natural, encouraging healthy. Um, there's, there's some pushback when, when there's the unhealthy images are are pushed. So it's kind of training our kids to look for the good stuff. You know, it's almost like I'm just thinking now, probably a terrible analogy, but you know, if you get a headache and you go to google it, you know, to see what it is, you can can look and see oh my God, I have a brain tumor. Or you can look up what are benign issues, like really nothing, not important issues or not serious issues for headache, and it could say you can dehydrate it or you didn't get enough sleep. It's your choice, you know how you want to do that. So it's really it's staying away from, from social media pages that make you feel like crap. You know that's our choice.

Speaker 2 29:03

And also, but one thing I would tell you as a parent one thing that really helps and this helps young is get your kids involved in stuff that they like like. Get your kids involved in activities. It could be something that you like, but it could look. You could be a sports guy and your kid likes art. Get them in our classes. You know anything that they like to do. That has nothing to do with how they look. There's nothing to do with popularity. It's something that they do that makes them feel good. That that's that is showing them. It's not about how they look. It's about a talent, it's about an interest, because that is something that that really helps build their self-esteem, but also it if it's like a group thing, you're involving them with people who are like-minded, because sometimes kids at school they don't. Sometimes kids are mean and sometimes teachers aren't great, you know.

Speaker 2 29:49

So, if you can get them my kids are into sports, so if you get them into something where they have a group of kids that are different from the ones they see every day, plus maybe a coach or something that that is really helpful to them and could be a mentor, then that's just another place where they get. If certain parts of their life aren't good for their self-esteem, well here's something else, and I think cultivating that is a great way to combat the negativity that they're getting.

Speaker 1 30:15

Great answer, thank you, yeah.

Speaker 3 30:17

Yeah, yeah, people like that, dr Google, that's, that's, that's-.

Speaker 2 30:21

I mean it's terror, it's so bad, oh I know.

Speaker 3 30:30

But you know, I wonder, I often wonder about that, about like you know how, how different things are, you know, and if they're better or worse, and I don't know if you can answer it. Like I don't know if anyone can answer it, because you know I thinks 80s, 70s, 60s, and going all the way back, uh, particularly it was, it could could be very bad for women in terms of, you know, you weren't like at some point you weren't allowed to talk back kind of thing. Right, you weren't, you weren't. Uh, yeah, you, you were. There was articles in magazines that were basically saying like stay thin for your guy and like yeah, and, and it wasn't like, it wasn't cosmo, like stay thin for your guy.

Speaker 3 31:08

It was like an instruction manual on how you should be a wife, kind of thing. Right, there was those types of things and then there was nothing else out there to think any differently, right, exactly, it was like this is it, this is it like? If you're not this, then you're not a good wife, right, right, and so there was a lot of that. Now we have more positive body positivity stuff today, but we're able to reach like we see this in social media in all aspects. There's lots of good out there, but there's lots of bad out there, and the bad can get together real easy on social media. And it's not like, you know, at one point you could, it's like any bully. At one point years ago, before social media, you could at least hide in your home, and now you can't right, right, yeah, and for sure.

Speaker 2 31:57

And I think that that's another thing sort of as parents to do. I know I used to do with my kids, and again they were boys. I wouldn't sit down and have a conversation Like that's the difference between girls and boys, you're not going to, okay, we're going to talk about something serious. Now they're like no, we're not. So just kind of what I would do with them when we were watching TV or something, and or if we were out, somebody would say something or we'd see a commercial idea, and I would just not lecture but say, oh my God, that's ridiculous, like that doesn't even make sense. And it's just it's making sure that because the negative voices are going to come in, so our voices have to be louder. And so I remember once I was, um, I was in a store with my kids I don't remember how old they were, maybe they were like 10, 11, 12.

Speaker 2 32:40

And there was a maggot no, it was one of those were canadian, those kinder eggs, you know those kinder surprise eggs, and it was. There was like a barbie one and like a hot wheels one. And I remember one of my sons coming over to me and he's like this is so stupid like I don't understand. So I'm a boy and if I have this one I'm gonna. And then he stopped himself and he went. I hate that. I can't not see that and I'm like I love that you can't not see that. You know, it was just ingrained that it's just like, it's just silliness, um, but yeah, it's like you said, there's there's so much good and there's so much bad and the problem also kind of like for some reason the bad stuff sticks with us, like 100 always does you can.

Speaker 2 33:18

You can have 10 people. You walked on the street and people go, hey, you look great today and you're like thanks. And then you one person says I don't know, you look tired or did you gain weight. That's the one you're gonna, that's the one that's gonna stick with you, right, and I don't know why we do that and that's why that's like social media, right, you can see a whole bunch of positive stuff, one negative thing and that sticks with you. But that's when we have to go, okay. But is that logical? Is that realistic? You know, and we have to go, okay. But is that logical? Is that realistic? You know, and we have to step away from it. But it's, it's just. Honestly, it's like an exercise, but it's like for your brain. You have to just remind yourself constantly. This isn't real. You know, like it's just. You can't give somebody that control over you.

Speaker 3 33:56

Well, bad news always does travel faster. We know that, like you know bad news, you know you have to fight 10, they say 10 times harder to get good news out to the level that bad news gets out. And I mean I think that feeds to a deeper, you know a much deeper question of how humanity is, like it's a society is, you know, on an individual level, like there's different people react differently. But I mean, you know, I think you know, I don't know, but I, I'm a pretty happy person and I hope that most people are pretty happy, happy people. But I think as a society we can, especially when we are as a collective, we cannot be happy people and I I don't remember where I saw it, but it was some sort of a quote that basically was like um, you know, it's just sort of a quote that basically was like um, you know, it's just like hurt. You know that saying like hurt people hurt people.

Speaker 2 34:47

Yeah.

Celebrating Self-Worth Through Dance

Speaker 3 34:48

So it's the same thing, like people want to tear people down because they feel like it kind of brings people to their level, almost like how you felt. Right, it brings people down. It's like I'm going to tear them down, like I'm feeling bad about me. I'm going to bring them down and you know we're going to. Then I'll feel better about myself because it's like I know that you know I'm here, they're also here, so it's okay. But I always say and Tobin's probably heard me say this before there's two ways that you can build the tallest building in a city.

Speaker 2 35:24

You can tear all the other buildings down and leave yours left, or you can just build a taller building right, right, right. Well, yeah, that's sorry. No, that's good. It's funny, because I posted something recently um, you know, I, I, uh, there are people a lot of women, it happens to women a lot where they'll post a selfie. And there's I have a friend that was posting selfies and there's like there'll always be some guys who are just like oh, oh, you're so into yourself or oh, you're so, and just be nasty, and I'm like I don't get it. And I shared something that said I'll always like somebody's selfie, not because necessarily I think it's a great picture, but because in that moment they felt good about themselves and that should be celebrated.

Speaker 3 35:57

I like that.

Speaker 2 35:57

You know, I never thought of it that way yeah, but that's the thing, because I I know, and from from all the years that I've done the body of myself, most people have insecurities about themselves. So, and there's so many, and I'll say women, um, men too, but I'll but for women, where there's so many moms who aren't in the pictures, you know they're the ones taking the pictures and they don't like how they look, or, and so for me, if you're feeling good in that moment and you take a picture and you post it, that's amazing. I'm so happy for that.

Speaker 2 36:27

Why would anybody it doesn't hurt me that somebody feels good about themselves like that's so weird it, my god, I would. I would love if everybody felt great about themselves, because they would be nicer to everybody else. Things would be easier, you know. But yeah, it's like you said, it's a weird thing that when you're feeling lousy unfortunately sometimes you don't that other people's happiness pisses you off, and and so my thing is, if my joy makes you uncomfortable, cause I'm somebody I don't know if you saw my social media I dance everywhere Like I, I'm the dancing woman.

Speaker 3 36:58

You know what? I actually have that in my notes here about how you you might've been like you know, the good stripper and you talked about dancing and stuff like that, but you have incorporated dancing right up until now Like you dance on elevators. You dance on like yeah.

Speaker 2 37:15

I do, it's because you know what it was. It's when I was a little kid there were two ways that I would get out of punk. If somebody was bothering me, I'd either write about it or I'd dance. I'd put on my Donna Summer and my orange shag carpet in my living room and I would dance and it's always been my release and it still is to this day and it's part of that whole zero fucks left 50s where I walk everywhere and I have my music and I will walk to my music, but I dance and I have my music and I will walk to my music, but I dance and I will walk into the store and they're like you dance by my house. But it makes people happy, honestly, and my thing is it's not hurting anyone. So even if somebody drives by and is like then it's a funny story to tell other people that's true.

Speaker 3 38:03

Yeah, so because if dancing is kind of like there because there's a couple things I want to talk about, listening at some of your podcast stuff but the um, if dancing is kind of was kind of your way of making you happy, do you feel that that's what maybe like been a factor as to why you went into like professional dancing kind of thing, like that's was?

Speaker 2 38:24

like you call it, your time, because when you say professional dancing, you mean the stripping, yeah, yeah, anyway, nice way to put it.

Speaker 3 38:31

Um, I think, well, it's a profession.

Speaker 2 38:33

So I mean, you know um, I think that, yeah, you know it's funny because because I it's. It's not something I would have done had my life been different at that time. However, it's not like I was this shy into books and science and all of a sudden I went to that. That would have been really kind of strange. That would have been a real what the hell happened there? So it wasn't like it was this huge leap, but it was huge leap, but it it was. It was like that there's a big difference between dancing in your living room or dancing, you know, on a dance floor and leaving your kids, you know, after you tuck them in and going to a club and stripping naked for people. There's a difference there. Um but um. But I do think that, uh, I say all the time, you know my.

Speaker 2 39:26

I remember once being in the club and this girl came over to me and who worked there and she said, like how long did it take you like working here before you went on stage? I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, well, like I've been here a while and I'm like nervous to get on. Say how long. And I'm like, oh my God, like that was first, was first day. Like, for I didn't even know that was a thing.

Speaker 2 39:43

That was my favorite part. I didn't like approaching people to be like, hey, buy me, I didn't like that. The lap dancing was fine, um, but the but on stage yeah, there was something in there that was mine. You know that that and it's and it's unfortunate that that was where I was getting kind of my self-worth, um, and being a mom, because it was so important to me to be the best mom ever. But then for me, for my self-worth, there was something about because I was, like I said at the beginning, when I was a little girl I was like dancing and singing and on stage and all that. So that was in me, so I was getting something from that for sure.

Speaker 3 40:39

And so, just so anyone who's kind of listening kind of understands, everything too, is like um, so yeah, you had kids, you were married and then you decided to do this. Now is this something that you were hiding from people like and what I mean by people, I mean like your, actual, your house, or like and sneaking off in the night and making up excuses, or did like your husband know?

Speaker 2 41:02

he knew. Um, I will tell you that and it's so, it's so silly, yeah. So, like I said, our marriage was pretty normal and then, um, I had gotten really sick and I almost died and um was recovering and and and he kind of I talk about it more openly in the book, um, but but there was a turn there where where was asking me to do things and kind of open up things a little bit. And I was still dealing with my eating disorder and had gone, had lost my mother and lost the babies. I had gone through a lot and I had that traumatic overload thing where I sort of felt like, okay, so I'm not lovable, because everyone in that in my life that loved me had died and I didn't feel like my husband loved me, but people seemed to want to be with me. And so that's again where I thought, okay, so if I'm not lovable, how will I earn my space here? And we had gone to strip clubs together and they would like pull women up on stage and when I was like, okay, I was getting some attention. And then the funny thing so, with what happened, with the stripping, what happened? And it's so ridiculous, especially when people say, oh, you were doing to get to help you? No, so what happened was I was dealing with my eating disorder.

Speaker 2 42:21

I was in great shape, though, but I had joined a new 24 hour gym because I would. I would never leave my kids, so I would go when the kids were asleep. I would go at 11, 12, one, two in the morning, um, and I met a trainer there who was like oh, I could get you to look like a fitness model in like a few weeks. And I was like, okay, you know looking at those magazines, but I had to pay extra right now. I was a stay at home mom with two toddlers. I couldn't work, and I was. I always felt that if I wasn't contributing financially, I shouldn't take anything. So I never did anything for myself, didn't go, you know, hairdresser. Now I never did, didn't buy myself anything, didn't do that. So I thought, okay, I want to do the personal training. I need money. I don't want to take money from the household. What can I do? I need a job that won't interfere with the family. And so I thought cause, wouldn't every mother think, oh, it's terrific?

Speaker 2 43:18

So he actually took me to my audition, you know, um, and uh so what I would do is and I talk about this is what I would do is so. He knew, but no one else knew and I would.

Speaker 2 43:31

I would be home with my kids. I would. It was very important to me that I would read to them before bed like I was there to tuck them in. They they never knew I wasn't there, so I tucked them in. I would drive to the club. I would dance. So at this time, not a sip of alcohol, not a drug, nothing. I was the only dancer who had a protein shake in my locker okay, because I was bodybuilding. So I would dance, have my shake and then I would leave. I would go home, change, go to the gym and I would work out Now it's four o'clock in the morning. And then I would come home, change, go to the gym and I would work out now it's four o'clock in the morning. And then I would come home or go to the 24-hour grocery store if I needed something, come back, take a shower, not sleep, and be there when my kids woke up, and I would go two, three days without sleeping well, that's yeah, yeah, like that.

Speaker 3 44:16

That really breaks you down, though. Uh, you know you can honestly not be present for them in different ways because of that, right.

Speaker 2 44:24

But it was, but it was. It was such a weird thing because I must've seemed like I was on something, Cause I had all this energy and I don't I don't honestly always say it's trauma, you know, and so so he didn't my. My ex-husband didn't love that. I did it at first and then, when I was helping with grocery money and I was, I was able to contribute. Then was perfectly fine with it. Um, but it was uh go ahead.

Speaker 3 44:51

No, I was just gonna say like I, I know, like I, I was gonna ask about, like how he felt kind of about that, because I mean, you know, I think about it like you know, for me no judgment. I'm someone who would like that's like I said. It's a profession, uh, you're providing a service, is what it is, so no judgment from there. That being said, having my wife do it is a totally different thing again very at this point.

Speaker 2 45:15

Our marriage was was different and he was fine with a lot of things. Um, but I but I'll tell you this just to jump ahead for one second with so my kids didn't know any of this, yeah.

Speaker 3 45:25

Right.

Speaker 2 45:26

And then when my book was coming out, they knew I was writing a book, but they figured it was a more like body image stuff or, you know, women empowerment thing. They had no interest. And then I then it, it. I got the book deal at the beginning of COVID. So then I was like we don't even know if it's going to come out. We don't know what's going to be. So I didn't want to tell them because I'm like, well, I don't want to tell them everything, and then it doesn't come out and I've told them everything for nothing. So I waited till the last minute. It was coming out, like in a week, and I met with them and again I'm trying to think, so this is like 2020, so maybe 20 and 17 at that time, yeah and uh. So I met with them and I said, okay, the book's coming out. And this is how I told them.

Navigating Trauma and Self-Forgiveness

Speaker 2 46:08

I showed them the cover and can I like? So I have it here. So it's like, you know, you've got like a baby carriage on a stage with a pole and it says, okay, tripper. So I uh, I just showed them the cover and they remember they knew nothing and my older son just went okay, do you want my opinion as your son or the consumer? And I'm like, really, like he's like it's a great cover and I'm like, are you what? And and my younger son was like when, when did it? Like they were so unfazed because I was always there. It wasn't like they were going oh, that's why you weren't home for three days. Like they were like when? Like when were you not? And I remember I kept saying I kept, and they won't read it because it's pretty.

Speaker 3 46:49

There's kind of graphic I was gonna ask, I was gonna ask you that like, are they avoiding it or did they no?

Speaker 2 46:55

they. Just my older son wanted to know, because there were some people who weren't thrilled that I wrote it and were going to him kind of angry and he's like okay, tell me what's in it. And he was, I told him and he was like he's very kind of intellectual like that and he said it's very interesting to hear about your parents as people, not just the parents. And he said I were I, and he's close with his dad too. And he just said I have your back. And both my kids were like we're in your corner, do you? I used to call them every time I was doing an interview. I'm going to talk about this. They're like don't call us anymore, We'll let you know if there's any problem, you know.

Speaker 2 47:25

But I kept saying you know I did things, but I always wanted you to have a good life, I always wanted you to feel loved. And my son stopped me. He said you keep saying you made mistakes, but you also keep saying that you wanted us to be happy. We're happy, so maybe they weren't such big mistakes, you know. So that was, that was what was so important. So again, that's something that in my head I thought what if they hate me? What if they hate me because I did it? What if they hate me because I'm talking about it? They didn't, you know. So we, we do that to ourselves. You know it's like we're afraid the whole world's going to collapse, and it doesn't.

Speaker 1 47:57

It doesn't it doesn't, yeah, yeah, well, I think, I think do people do hold shame over other people's heads quite often on this world, unfortunately, and that's something people right.

Speaker 2 48:08

So yeah, but why though, but?

Speaker 1 48:09

you believe in what you're doing. You got to look around that yeah, well, that's it.

Speaker 2 48:13

I just I don't, I, I, I don't know what it is, but I, I finally got to a point yeah, I mean it took half a century but where your words, your judgment don't hurt me. I've been through, I've been through the tough stuff. So again, to judge me for it, that's on you love it.

Speaker 3 48:36

The other thing is is like I was listening to a couple of clips and, um, one clip that you have on is and you're talking about, um, uh, unhealthy coping mechanisms versus healthy coping mechanisms with trauma and things like that, and that's kind of what I was thinking, why I was kind of putting together like the dancing, because it sounded. It sounds to me like dancing was a coping mechanism for you, which and that can be viewed either way you can you can think of just dancing like general, just in dancing, obviously very, very healthy coping mechanism or very healthy way of release um, versus and then you know, you're the only one who can decide whether the other dancing was a healthy one or not. It's kind of, but yeah, but yeah, I elaborated a little bit more on like in terms of your, you know what you found to be your now healthy coping mechanisms versus the unhealthy ones.

Speaker 2 49:30

Well, that's the thing it's like. Now anyone knows me again the dancing. It's funny because when my book, when I first kind of put out there and when I hit like the post, you know on Facebook when it was coming out the book and nobody knew and I had to cover, I thought can I not dance on the street? And I don't like go dance and like crazy person, but I'm dancing enough. I thought can I not do that anymore, because are people going to go, oh, and put the like connect? And then I'm like, well, no, that's ridiculous. I was dancing before I was dancing. You know what?

Speaker 2 49:57

I mean, and that's not going to stop. But it's like it's funny because you're saying, was that kind of a coping mechanism? No, going to a dance class would have been a good coping mechanism, um, but now. So the dancing. I mean, I can be starting to walk, let's say, down the street and I don't have my music on yet and I'm like I think to myself how do I do that? That's so embarrassing. And then my music starts and I'm like, here we go. You know, lights, camera, um, so it just changes something in me, and so I know that that brings me joy. The world is on fire. The world is not a great place and for me, there's so many times where someone will see me and they'll say you are like the happiest person ever. And I'm always like no, I'm not, the world is a mess. But I know that in order to not, you know, end up on the other side of the ledge, I have to find the things that make me happy and that makes me happy. So, you know, exercising, being active, I always say I go to the gym, I work out hard, you know, for me, but also for you, because I'm a much nicer person when I do that.

Speaker 2 51:06

But what I said, I know in that interview you're talking about, is that there's so many things. So I had my trauma, right. But then I had what I did to get through my trauma, whether it was my eating disorder or being promiscuous or the other things that I did. For some people it's drugs, for some people it's alcohol, for some people it's gambling. I mean, it could be so many different things. And, yeah, it would be fantastic if, if our brain just went to I'm having a hard time with this, this is breaking me down. Okay, I'm going to start meditating or I'm going to take yoga or I'm going to whatever, like that would be great, but a lot of those things.

Speaker 2 51:39

The reason why they are helpful is because they bring us into ourselves. Right, you become one with yourself, you, you understand, but when you're going through a hard time, you don't want that. That's the last. I was not trying to get closer to me, I was trying to get further from me, which is what drugs do. And alcohol, you know all this it takes us away from ourselves, and so that's why I think we turn to the unhealthy mechanism. We're not not consciously, I'm not like who, how. I feel bad, how can I hurt myself more? Well, I did actually do that at some point. I did feel like I'm a bad person. How can I prove that I'm a bad person? I'll keep doing the things that make me a bad person, cause you're not. You know you're not. You know you're trying to.

Speaker 2 52:16

You're being guided by this yourself, which is not that's not great, you know it's also not in a healthy place yeah, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, right right, and that's the thing you got to get out of your head. So it's when. So then for me it was okay. So I had my trauma. Then I had to to process the trauma. So once and I still haven't look, my traumas are losing my mother, losing losing my brother. You know certain things and I'm still gutted from it, like I won't.

Speaker 2 52:42

However, I learned how to sort of process, but there's so there's the trauma. But then it's like, oh God, now I have to deal with the things that I did while I was trying to cope. So it's almost like another analogy will be great. But it's like if you're drunk and you cross through someone's living room, right, you feel bad, but then you get sober and you're like, oh my god, like I, okay, wow, and you gotta, now you gotta see all the damage that you did. So I had to look at all the damage that I did.

Speaker 2 53:09

And now I'm like I and I, and the problem is, in the past, when you had to do the hard stuff, you would go to whatever your coping mechanism was. Well, now you can, you can't. So now you got to just feel it. You know, I can't starve myself or I can't binge, or I can't whatever. Oh my God, I got to deal with this.

Speaker 2 53:25

That's what's so hard, and I think that's what people avoid, because that's harder than sometimes. You know the trauma they say like with addiction and stuff that for a lot of people rock bottom is, when the things that you're doing to get through the trauma are more painful than the actual trauma, you know. So what I was doing to myself was causing me more damage than sort of what life had done. So it's it's, that's the point of it. It's being willing to get through the trauma but then deal with doing it without the coping mechanism. It's tough. That's I again. I had more. It was harder for me to get through that shame of what I did, and but I've learned to forgive myself. Now there's some things I did that I'm never going to feel great about.

Facing Criticism and Embracing Imperfection

Speaker 2 54:11

If it was if it was like a couple of things I did that inadvertently hurt somebody else. I'll never feel good about that, but that's okay. I do forgive myself in the sense that I know I didn't want to hurt anyone. One thing I do I explain to people who are dealing with shame is that what we're doing sometimes is we judge ourselves then for who we are now. I'm going to judge myself back then with who I am Now.

Speaker 2 54:35

That's not fair, because back then I didn't have support. Back then I didn't have experience. Back then I didn't. There's so many things I didn't have. It's not fair for me to judge that version of me with this version. Right, I have to be kind to that version and I think a big part of it is to say, okay, you're feeling shame about something you did. Would you do it again? No, well then, let it go. You know you, you've learned, and that's the thing. You wouldn't do it again, and that's that's the big, because now you, you have resources I didn't have. I know so many times I messed up. I did not know what else to do. You know now I do and I'll do things differently, but it's a tough. It's a tough thing. We are so much harder on ourselves than other people, I think.

Speaker 3 55:20

Yeah, I think so. I think that's fairly, uh, that's that's. I think that's fairly accurate. I mean, I know, in my place of work, you know, uh, I, I, if I screwed something up, my boss doesn't need to tell me, right, I'll be, I'll be the one that'll be like, ah, yup, so yeah, it's so, I, I totally get it. Um, yeah, it, um yeah. So yeah, we can, we can definitely beat up on ourselves harder than I mean sometimes some people don't care, some people definitely, like you know, there are definitely some people out there that just you know that's true, there's always gonna be.

Speaker 2 55:49

But the one thing I just want to say quickly is I think what? The one thing that that we miss out on with a lot of the uh sort of the positivity things that we see on social media too, is that I find I don't connect. I'm never going to be somebody who posts like I woke up today and it's a great day and I'm grateful, and I mean not that there's anything wrong with that stuff, but like I'm not going to pretend that everything's great all the time. I'm not and I don't relate to that, because it's just not the way it is.

Speaker 2 56:18

So I think people are afraid of showing their scars. They're afraid of showing their flaws, not realizing that that's actually the stuff that people relate to. I mean, the people aren't calling me and messaging me and coming over to me and saying, oh, I related to that really great thing that happened. They're relating to the tough stuff, that's the and even the mistakes. It's that's what connects us as people, not when things are fantastic all the time, fine, but it's that, and so we're missing out on on amazing connections with people that we might think we have nothing in common with when we're hiding the stuff that just makes us human, and I and I think that's what's so crucial it's like we have to show that it's okay to be human, and being human is being imperfect and it is fucking up sometimes, and that's okay yeah, so switching a little bit to um you being like so open and putting your life out there and and talking about um you know all the things that you felt that you've done wrong or whatever.

Speaker 3 57:15

Looking back and shame, embarrassment, whatever it can be. Uh, as much as I said, it could be liberating to let it all go. Um, online can be a cruel beast. Uh, like you must have to deal with some real idiots online that come there just to troll and it might like this how, how does that like someone who's had trauma and and a hard on themselves. How do you deal with that?

Speaker 2 57:46

well, luckily, again, I didn't. I didn't put the book out until I was ready to deal with that. I just I was ready. Uh, as much as you can be ready, kind of thing.

Speaker 2 57:55

Um, I think what's interesting, though, is when, when I'll get negative comments, it's actually it won't start with that. Nobody's really going to come at me because they see my book title or anything like that. It's if they didn't like something else. I said about another issue, then I'm waiting. Okay, now they're going to go and they're going to see, and then like well, you're just like, you went out. Of course, that's what you think, and I'm like okay, that was so. And the funny thing, too is because I put it out there, I'm like oh, great detective work that you found out. I wrote the book. It's on the title, it's on my cover, but you're telling me something, you're trying to shame me with something I put out there. Try something else. It doesn't work and it's so weak. It doesn't work and it's so weak. What I have found, however, is being a single woman trying to meet new people when you have a book out that's called the good stripper, that is.

Speaker 2 58:52

It's tough because at first I would try to like not put it out there. And then social media and it's a I had. I met somebody once and it was like they all they had was my name and my picture and they just google image me. And then it was like there you go.

Speaker 1 59:08

So I've met people for the first time and they've been like I read your book and I'm like wow, yeah, jesus, okay, well, I know nothing about you, though, like you got a lot of people using only fans, enough now to kind of make a little extra money, like there's a lot of people but here's the thing, though.

Speaker 2 59:24

It's like if you're just going off the title, you're gonna like I will get. Either I'll get people who who think negatively about me, or they're like oh, they think they're getting something like you know, or they'll pick parts of the book that they that work to their narrative, kind of. So it's yeah, it's an interesting kind of I'm always like okay, well, you know, it's like and then I just kind of let it go.

Speaker 2 59:46

You put yourself over there like that you're gonna yeah but the thing also is I the book ends when I left my marriage. That's 2016, so it's 2025. Now I've changed in the last nine years. You know what I mean. So if you think that, I mean I've changed in the last three months, so if you think you're getting there's parts of me, for sure, but if you think you're getting that person surprise, so are you working?

Speaker 2 1:00:11

on a second book now to kind of you know what I could I could, but no, I mean, there's things that that might be happening with the book and we'll see, but uh, I don't think I would write another one. I think I'll do something, though creative with.

Speaker 1 1:00:26

It definitely has movie potential. I'm sure that's probably where this is going, so let's just yeah, so let's see what happens. Let's see what happens, and then?

Speaker 3 1:00:36

you and you did the podcast like how to ruin your reputation.

Speaker 2 1:00:39

Yeah, that was a blast. So, yeah, that came from. Um, I wouldn't I'd still do it, but I had issues with my producer. But that was because I took that risk of, if I was going to release this, I had to, like, run the risk of reading my reputation, and so that came from anybody who had a story and I was really picky with my head on who lived a life that was judged and stigmatized and, um, it would give them the, the platform to share their story. And so many times I would put out a topic and friends of mine would say I was so ready to like, not like this person. But you know, they said some things that I kind of I related to and I'm like that's the point, that's the point and I I've met so many really interesting people through that that's cool.

Speaker 1 1:01:23

That's cool. I like that.

Speaker 2 1:01:24

I like the title, yeah yeah have a green, your own reputation yeah, yeah, I'm good at that and I I'm like another thing.

Speaker 3 1:01:31

It's going, I guess, going back to like how other people kind of dig in to you there too, because I noticed that, um, you had a post up there at one point late last year where, um, someone decided, someone decided to take shots at you because of, uh, being jewish oh, someone, I get that daily yeah, really, oh, oh well, like what's like, especially more recently because there's a lot

Speaker 2 1:01:57

going on, given the current climate? Obviously yeah so did you? Which vote? Because I usually try to clap back like I, I don't, uh, I yeah, because I always said I was somebody who wasn't observed. I didn't grow up observant, um, I didn't go to synagogue, I considered myself jewish. You know, I don't do anything like I just wasn't, it wasn't really part of anything and I had.

Speaker 3 1:02:18

I had a friend who used to say that he's like, oh, he's like I'm. I'm not really jewish, I'm like jewish, exactly.

Speaker 2 1:02:24

Yeah, I didn't, I just I was just, and then, when everything happened on october 7th of 2023, it changed me and when I saw how the world was flipped upside down, I was like this isn't okay and I really felt I've always been somebody who stood up and I've always been somebody who stood up for other people, and then when I found that nobody was standing up for us, it, it, it affected me. So I don't overly post, but I will. I will post Um, and oh, I mean I put up, I put up the other day, um, I put I actually did a little, did you see, did a little dance video where I'm dancing to hit me with your best shot, and I'm putting up all the different comments, from people calling me a Nazi to telling me get ready for the ovens, to, um, I mean horrible stuff, horrible stuff, um, and it's just, it's just, and they come after you, you know, and it's just it's, but I, I and it's upsetting, but at the same time again, like I said oftentimes, I'll just kind of clap back.

Speaker 3 1:03:24

I mean you're not going to change somebody.

Speaker 2 1:03:25

They just know they just want to hate on you. But um, but that's when you have to again like this with social media. You have to take it for what it is. You know, and I realize there are people who said to me oh, oh yeah, this is what you think. Why don't you tell me? Show me where it says and I'm, like I, doing your homework, like what I said, I've been talking to you for six seconds and I've enjoyed none of them. Like I'm going to do homework for you.

Speaker 2 1:03:42

Like who are you? That's the thing that social media kills me. It's like we. I'm sure there were terrible people in the world before, but we didn't know that some woman in Texas was like awful you know. Now we know because she's supposed to be like we. I don't need to know all this information and we have this.

Speaker 2 1:03:59

Things could be so great. We could be learning from each other and having these amazing conversations, and instead it's just like yeah, yeah, and it's such a waste. But yeah, you have to, yeah, you have to have a thick skin in this crazy world.

Speaker 1 1:04:13

You know, yeah, but you also can't not be afraid to speak your opinions, put your mind out there and how you're feeling out there, like you know people do and even with this, I had people saying thank you for speaking and I'm like me, like I didn't even.

Speaker 2 1:04:27

I don't even, I was never but, but I was raised to stand up for myself. You know, one thing I say in the book early on is the first time that happened was like in grade three, and then a teacher that was bullying the kids, yeah, and I didn't like it and I wrote a petition about him and got everyone to sign in and he changed and I was like huh, so it matters, your voice matters and I won't, I won't shut up.

Casual Conversations and Fun Questions

Speaker 1 1:04:48

I'm sure there's lots of people who are like god, I wish you would, but I'm not gonna my, my pessimism towards social media now is it does seem to be a place where there's a lot of angry people and a lot of silent people, and it's just like you really need to like kind of bring up the neutral, not not. Not like though not always the quotes and the but like the deeper context and the deeper meaning and showing the real really what I think.

Speaker 2 1:05:12

So, yeah, and I kind of balance, I won't always help people see the story right and maybe you know you try you, you do your best.

Speaker 2 1:05:19

You can't like you're subduing it. You know it's not. There was another quote, I don't remember, but it's sort of like you do your part. I also don't want my page to be something where it's always here. I want people to go to it and and be like oh, like today I got something. Oh, this, I thought of you and it's a dancing thing. Like I want that. I, you know you want to be a distraction and and bring some light.

Speaker 1 1:05:52

Um, during this crazy time too so you just said the word silly stuff. Can we go to some fun dumb?

Speaker 2 1:05:56

questions now. Yes, all right. Okay, I'm so afraid of these questions, but go ahead.

Speaker 1 1:06:00

My favorite part Don't be afraid, these are fun. If you don't want to answer them, have a sip of your vodka or water or whatever you got going on over there. Okay, all right, Mike you go first.

Speaker 3 1:06:09

I'm going to water.

Speaker 1 1:06:13

Am I going first, or so uh, uh. Which this one's dishes see they start off on? Which is a person that's been a positive influence in your life? Just any person you could think of top of it, top of the your head today.

Speaker 2 1:06:26

Right. I mean it's so cliche, but I have to go with. I have to go with my mom. I lost her when I was 28. So I haven't had her for a really long time.

Speaker 1 1:06:34

Yeah.

Speaker 2 1:06:34

But, um, yeah, she was. Uh, she had a really hard life and she was with every reason to be bitter. She was still love personified and she used to say that nobody that you meet is inferior nor superior to you. Regardless of anything, you know, it's just strength of character that makes a difference.

Speaker 3 1:07:00

Awesome, yeah. Question number two this one's a little bit funnier, so we know that there is an abundance of songs where people take their clothes off.

Speaker 2 1:07:15

Okay, but give us a song that would be good to put your clothes back onto. In what context now, I don't know.

Speaker 1 1:07:21

The stripping's over. You've got to get your clothes back on.

Speaker 2 1:07:24

What's a good song to get your clothes back onto. Oh Lord, oh my God, but yeah, what's a good song to put your clothes back on?

Speaker 1 1:07:31

A song that generally has unattractive or unfun, or wasn't, I don't know. I'm going to go with johnny, cash hurt, be a good one. Right, you don't want to strip to?

Speaker 2 1:07:42

that. No, I'm gonna something like I'm gonna go to like one of my my guilty pleasure songs which is like mbop I can't imagine, I can't I can't imagine, you know. So that seems like nobody. Nobody wants to strip nobody's taking their clothes off to those three creepy best and boys thinking you know, you know, we told him he's gonna get dressed tomorrow morning to it's a great.

Speaker 1 1:08:07

Honestly, it's a fun song we for real used to think they were girls me and my little brother, right they're cute. Now they're all like when they're like little little, because we were small and like my little brother was like he's, like I think the drummer's cute.

Speaker 2 1:08:19

And then like oh, he's a boy.

Speaker 1 1:08:20

I was like oh, dude, I mean, I was the best. That's hilarious. Yeah, we had no idea, all right. Question number three Okay, pick a genre of music that should be suitable for each beer type.

Speaker 2 1:08:34

Okay, so we got I don't know anything about beer.

Speaker 1 1:08:37

Oh boy, okay, so an ipa is kind of a hoppy flavorful beer. Okay, then you have your lager, which could also be matt, you'll correct me, but maybe kind of a lightish style style beer light crisp yeah and then your stout is like your guinness beer, that heavy beer okay, so we'll go those put a style to a beer type oh lord, okay, so we'll go.

Speaker 2 1:09:00

I'm gonna go, let's start with this step. The heavier stuff is, either I'm gonna go, like the 90s, alternative stuff like a three days grace, maybe some creed, maybe some god smack, that kind of thing all right okay and then give me the other ones. There was the one that the lager, which is like the lightest, like the. The lager Okay so let's go for some 80s disco or 70s and 80s disco for that one, okay, okay, and the IPA. Let's go with. We're going to go with the country pop.

Speaker 1 1:09:33

So not country, but not pop.

Speaker 2 1:09:34

You know what I mean, so it's kind of okay okay, all right I like it.

Speaker 1 1:09:38

I like it, all right question number four.

Speaker 3 1:09:44

So what's a common mistake people make when starting their healthy fitness journey?

Speaker 2 1:09:50

oh, too strict, too strict. I'm gonna cut out sugar and I'm gonna cut out anything bad and I'm gonna go to the gym five times a week and then they don't do it and then they feel like failures and they go screw it. I'm not going to do it. Make it realistic Little changes, little changes, and that will get you there rather than throwing too much too soon.

Speaker 3 1:10:12

Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 1 1:10:13

Okay, which one of the afternoon pint hosts would most likely take their clothes off if they had to rush a drink? You just have to go by feeling here, matt or Mike.

Speaker 2 1:10:27

I'm actually going to go with Mike. I was going to go with Matt my first thought was Matt, but then I think I think we get you drunk. I think matt would be there with the camera to get it.

Speaker 3 1:10:45

It's a hundred percent mike he's the one first of all. He gets drunk way easier than I do. Also, he's the one who uh, you know, out of out the two of us, we have a guy's group chat. He's the one who sent the naked pics to the guy's group chat.

Speaker 1 1:11:03

I did.

Speaker 2 1:11:04

Yeah, you were drunk, you don't remember.

Speaker 3 1:11:08

And then you quickly deleted it. When did I do that? You and Andrea were away camping, no way.

Speaker 1 1:11:17

I did that yeah you did when, where what did you see too much?

Speaker 2 1:11:26

hilarious that you don't remember.

Speaker 3 1:11:28

No, you deleted it and everyone was like hey, tell them what you understand. And I was like don't worry, guys, I saw it and you didn't need to.

Speaker 1 1:11:34

Oh, jesus christ are you sure I was right? I don't know. Well, it's probably true. Okay, going on the next question, there you go. No shame, no shame. Right, there we go, keep moving on. Yeah, um, what the freak, I lost my spot, though.

Speaker 3 1:11:47

Uh that's all right. So we are in question six. It's my question, I believe, isn't it okay? Yeah, uh, imagine you were a butterfly and you could travel for miles to any place on the planet and just chill and observe humans. Where would you go and why?

Speaker 2 1:12:09

You know what? It's so funny? No place feels safe right now. Being a Jewish person, I swear places. I'm like okay, go there, but you're not.

Speaker 1 1:12:16

You're a butterfly.

Speaker 2 1:12:17

I know. But you know, butterfly, you know what. That's a tough one for me Because I haven't been to a lot of places. So I'm going to do see. Nobody's going to be surprised by this. My kids always say that my happy place is Vancouver. I know it's not exotic, but I spent five years there and there's something that is. Even though a lot of bad stuff happened when I was in there, there's something that is always just a happy thing for me. So I'm going to choose Vancouver, on the water and the mountains.

Speaker 1 1:12:54

Cool. Next question is Number seven. What is the best thing and the worst thing that happened so far in 2025?

Speaker 2 1:13:05

It's only early. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 1:13:08

Jesus Inauguration.

Speaker 2 1:13:10

Well, yeah, but I mean, oh God, well, the best, the best thing in 2020. Well, I started, so I like I said, I got back into, I did it for years and now I got back into fitness. So I teach fitness classes, I teach circuit and kickboxing and things like that, but I just started personal training yesterday, so that's a good one to bring in, so that's perfect, cool. The worst thing, again, you're talking about well, you know what I'm also going to say, because we brought up, I'm going to say that the beginning, the first three hostages coming home, that's also a huge thing and the worst thing is the worst thing has still got to be related to that, so it's the fact that the rest are still there, so I'm going to go go with that.

Speaker 2 1:14:02

It's hard for me to think of anything worse than that right now.

Speaker 3 1:14:04

Good answer yeah, yeah, all right. Question number eight what's one resolution you make to yourself you have a hard time committing to?

Speaker 2 1:14:17

um, okay, I'll give you two things, like one sort of one is kind of more and it is that I am tend to still be hard on myself and I try not to be that's one, but sleep. I I promise myself all the time I'm gonna get a thing. I don't drink enough water, I don't get enough sleep, so you know, I'll go to bed at two and I'll wake up at 5, 30 or six, and that's not okay. So every time I'm like I'm gonna be in bed before midnight and it doesn't happen. So that's, that's 100, that's it. I don't get enough sleep. I've been I'm about 27 years sleep deprived, so I've been trying to do this for a really long time you have.

Speaker 3 1:14:49

You have a lot of energy for someone who's sleep deprived can you imagine?

Speaker 1 1:14:54

I know it's I had a ton of sleep last night. This is me.

Speaker 3 1:14:58

Seriously, ellie, I love it happens. If you slept more, you might be like the Tasmanian devil.

Speaker 2 1:15:04

I don't even know. I know and I did my workout and I know I don't know it's frightening, but then when I stop, I stop, okay.

Speaker 1 1:15:13

Here's a deep-thinking question, or not so deep-thinking question. We're almost done here. If thinking question or not so deep thinking question uh, we're almost done here. If the earth was flat, what do you think would happen if you reached the edge and kept going?

Speaker 2 1:15:23

if the earth was flat, shout out to the flatter person what would be on the other side, like what would be, yeah, you got the edge of the earth and you kept going in your little boat.

Speaker 1 1:15:33

What do you think would happen if the earth was flat?

Speaker 2 1:15:38

okay, the earth was flat and we got to the end and I flipped over. Um, I am picturing. Oh my god, I don't know why. This is your, this. Oh god, okay, oh, this is the sleep deprivation coming in. You're not gonna know this because you guys were young. There used to be a show, when I was again this emmy's called Land of the Lost, and it was okay with a sleigh stand.

Speaker 2 1:16:01

If you watch it, if you're seeing clips of it now, it's ridiculous but it was cool and they're in like a boat, and then they get into this thing and it just spins, and that's what I'm envisioning. It kind of candy land kind of place. So we get to the end and then it's all like candies. That's what I'm picturing in my head.

Speaker 1 1:16:25

Wonka's factory.

Speaker 3 1:16:26

Wonka's factory that kind of thing, Like a Wonka thing. Yeah, maybe I'm hungry, maybe that's it All right, so question number 10 is the last question, and it's a theme that we've had for for 2025. Uh, so that, what is one piece of advice that you were given that you can share with us and our listeners?

Speaker 2 1:16:48

if you let them feed you, you let them starve you, oh, explain that yeah, let them feed you if Meaning you have to be very careful that you've got, to make sure that you've got you, because there are people who will tell you I got it, don't worry, I got it, and you depend on them for everything. And then, because they give you, they can take it away.

Speaker 3 1:17:15

So be very careful.

Speaker 2 1:17:17

If you let people feed you, then you're also giving them the power. If, very careful, if you let people feed you, then you're also giving them the. If you give people the power to feed you, you're giving them the power to starve you. I mean, it sounds kind of but all it's saying is all it's saying is hold on to some of your power. Don't don't like. I tend to take it. I, as friends will say, I've taken it too hard, like where I'm always kind of like fuck you, I'm really tough like that.

Speaker 2 1:17:40

I'm very tough with having people because I do feel there's been times where people are like don't worry, I got it, and they didn't have it, they don't. So it's just. It's just if you give people the power to, if you do, then you give them the sure you got you.

Speaker 1 1:17:56

That's a good quote. I like that. Never heard it before. Honest quote. Yeah, I never heard it before either, so it's good.

Speaker 2 1:18:01

You got that. You got your vibe attracts your tribe. Look at that.

Speaker 1 1:18:04

Yeah, we're getting some good quotables, we got some sound bites. I tell you, yeah, so that wraps things up.

Speaker 2 1:18:12

That wraps things up to announce or share that you want people to know or do they want you want to follow you on instagram or anything like that you can follow me, marcy warhaft, you can put that up, but also um for my book, if you if you want to read it, it's um, so it's the good stripper soccer mom's memoir of lies lost and not dances, and you can get it on amazon. It's probably the easiest. And if you do read it, then I would love um for people to contact me and tell me what they think.

Speaker 1 1:18:36

So pick up the book on Amazon or listen on Audible if you're lazy like me, and that's awesome. Thank you so much for your time. It was really awesome.

Speaker 2 1:18:43

Thanks, that was fun, yeah, so cheers.

Speaker 1 1:18:47

I'm out of beer. I'm drinking a big water bottle now, but there you go All right.

Speaker 3 1:18:50

All right, have a great one.

Speaker 1 1:18:53

Bye.