In The Passenger Seat with Alethea Crimmins
From the front seat of her car, Alethea has motivated millions—reaching hearts around the world and even catching the attention of icons like Rihanna, Kesha, Madonna, and Viola Davis. Now, she’s bringing that same energy, wisdom, and unshakable confidence to the podcast realm—inviting special guests to ride along and share their own journeys of resilience, purpose, and self-discovery.
No scripts, no filters—just raw, powerful conversations filled with gems, laughter, and the kind of motivation that makes you sit up a little straighter. You never know who will be in the passenger seat next, but one thing’s for sure: every ride is a step toward something greater.
So buckle up, tune in, and let’s take this journey together. 🎙️🚗✨
In The Passenger Seat with Alethea Crimmins
What Happens When You Stop Chasing Potential and Choose Yourself?
What does it take to transform from walking with your head down to commanding every room you enter? Christine O'Banner—the statuesque beauty from "Too Hot to Handle" and "Perfect Match"—reveals her powerful journey from crippling insecurity to radiant self-confidence.
Standing 6'1" with a Nigerian-Dutch background, Christine once struggled profoundly with her height, hair texture, and place in the world. She shares the devastating childhood moment when a friend told her they couldn't play together anymore because she was "ugly"—a comment that shaped years of her self-perception. Through tears and triumph, Christine explains how she discovered her natural beauty only after humidity ruined a straightened hairstyle, revealing the curls she'd forgotten existed beneath years of conformity.
Her path through the modeling industry exemplifies the brutal standards women face—dyeing her hair blonde, developing eating disorders, and changing herself to fit others' expectations before finally embracing her authentic self. The conversation takes a powerful turn when Christine reveals her current dating philosophy: "I don't want to be somebody's maybe, I want to be somebody's absolutely." She candidly discusses her decision to wear a purity ring and how removing physical intimacy from dating has protected her heart while filtering out men with superficial intentions.
The most profound wisdom comes when she reflects on past relationships, particularly the painful lesson of "chasing someone's potential rather than accepting who they actually are." Her mantra—"If you don't plan to marry me, get out of my husband's way"—serves as a battle cry for women everywhere to stop giving "wife privileges" to men who haven't earned them.
Ready to walk into rooms like your name is on the building? This conversation isn't just about Christine's story—it's about recognizing that you're a diamond meant to shine without apology. Follow Christine's journey and join the movement of choosing yourself first.
Have a Good Day On Purpose...
YA' Welcome
Hey, hey, hey, guys, and welcome back to In the Passenger Seat with your girl, alethea Crimmins. Hold up, Before I go any further, make sure you like, subscribe and comment if you like this, and I know you're going to like it because, hey, like we, I am with you and you are with me. Okay, so let's get into who is in the passenger seat today. Baby, I'm excited to introduce this beautiful young lady, honey. She is gorgeous. She has been on two reality shows. Baby, she is everything and everything is her, from fashion to lifestyle to makeup. She is the total package, honey. She is too hot to handle and if you do not believe me, watch this clip and see for yourself. I need attention.
Speaker 2:Turn your head my way, I'm gonna wreck you. I really don't have to do much to stand out. I am a 6'1 goddess with long legs that go on for days. You all seen me on. Too Hot to Handle. I had some special tricks with a banana. If you know, you know.
Speaker 1:What are you doing?
Speaker 2:I'm doing Chantel. Oh my God. But I'm no dummy. I know all my states in alphabetical order Alabama, alaska, arizona, virginia, wisconsin, wyoming, beauty and brains. So do you work out?
Speaker 1:I do Pilates.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do Pilates. You're flexible, the feet behind the head.
Speaker 1:You have to find out.
Speaker 2:I'll tell you that's yes, ladies, I apologize in advance because I'm about to take your man Ready Go.
Speaker 1:Hey B, you see it for yourself, honey. She is too hot to handle. Baby, let me introduce you to the beautiful, the fabulous, the phenomenal, christine O'Bannon. Hello, hello, what's going on? Gorgeous.
Speaker 2:I'm good, I'm loving this color on you.
Speaker 1:it's gorgeous, I mean it's, it is, the pink is just matching.
Speaker 2:It's matching my melanin, okay it's my favorite color, so so I like how we vibing.
Speaker 1:I like how we vibing yes, honey, let me just get into how you are looking, sun kissed today, like, yes, yes, oh, oh, give me, oh, give me a little pose, give me a little pose, give me a little one-two pose. Oh, oh, yes, yes, I'm loving it. So for the people that do not know who you are, can you please introduce yourself?
Speaker 2:Okay, I am Christina O'Bina. Banner. I am a six one, goddess, with long legs that go on for days. I have been seen on too hot to handle and perfect match. I'm a model full-time content creator and my background is I am nigerian and dutch and a lot of people don't know that, but fun fact so I love how you said I don't have to do much to stand out.
Speaker 1:I don't like. I love that energy like baby. I don't have to do much like I, because I'm me, because because I am her, I am her. So I do not have to do much to stand out. Have you always had this type of confidence in yourself and who you are?
Speaker 2:oh, no, no, no, no, let's talk about it. I would love to go back in time and show, like younger Christine, who she is today. Yes, you would just be all snaps, but I was very insecure about my height. I was very insecure about my hair, I was very insecure about my body, and it's because I got bullied and majority of the boys were men, um, so I would feel very insecure about those things and so, even when it came to like my height, I would wear like, oh my, it was OD. I wouldn't even want to wear sneakers to school. I would want to wear flats like I'm talking flats with like soles, like this, because I wouldn't even want to be a centimeter taller than I was.
Speaker 2:Like I wanted to hide, and obviously I'm 6'1, there's no hiding, so wearing your head down, walking around, trying to listen, wearing small baby heels during homecoming because I don't want to appear taller wasn't going to make me any shorter, so it's like as I got older I learned to embrace it, because it it looks crazy walking into a room with your head down and, yes, it does like just having insecure written all over you. But it's more you command the rooms you walk into. When you walk in with confidence and so the moment that light bulb hit, I was like, oh, like, why was I insecure in the first case?
Speaker 1:listen, I, because growing up, like I am 5'8" and growing up I was always taller than all the boys and like I was called Jolly Green, giant and all kind of other things and I was like, okay, but maybe you just need to grow the hell up. Like maybe you're the problem, not me, but yeah, like I got bullied a lot growing up. Problem not me. So but yeah, like I got bullied a lot growing up. So I totally understand me embracing my naturalness as a woman of color. That was. That was difficult because I would see everybody around me with different hair textures and things of that nature and I have coarse hair. So, of course, like I was like, oh, you have nappy hair and this of that nature and I have coarse hair. So, of course, like I was like, oh, you have nappy hair and this and that and the other. And I was like, oh, my gosh, like I'm not beautiful because my hair isn't long, it isn't straight, it doesn't do that. So we got bullied because of it.
Speaker 1:So I totally understand how you would feel, the way that you felt and I love how you said that you would walk with your head held down, because I would do the same thing and people read that type of energy as soon as you walk in the room, like they're like okay, well, she doesn't feel good about herself. So why should I feel good about her, like, why should I think highly of her when she doesn't even think highly of herself? But, honey, now, just like you said, when you walk in a room, you command attention. Baby, I walk in a room like my name is on the building. Okay, that is how I enter every room Like my name is on, like I own it, and that is how it should be. So can you tell people how you overcame all of this? How did you learn how to embrace who you are? Because people will look at you now and be like, how does she ever not feel good about her? Like she's gorgeous. But how did you learn how to combat that and be who you are right now?
Speaker 2:it's kind of weird because I wouldn't even know at what point that became a thing. I know, when it came to like confidence in my hair. That really came about when I finally did the big chop and I transitioned, and during, um, my freshman year of high school. So, growing up, when it came to my hair, I perceived it as ugly. So before I moved to America, I lived in, um, I was born in the Netherlands and so I went to a school all white school and I was the only colored girl. I was the darkest girl in the class. Oh wow, like I was the darkest girl in the class. Oh wow, like I was the darkest girl in the class. And you know, even though they say kids don't see color, I did notice that there was something different about me and it came to a point where even one of my I guess it was like a friend but her mother found out that my dad was black and didn't want her child to play with me anymore. And so then, coming to America, I was very shy, I was very reserved, and I remember one of my best friends during daycare she told me I was sitting on the swing. I remember it. I was staring at this acorn on the floor and she comes up to me and she's like hey, I just want to let you know I can't be your friend anymore because you're ugly. My brother said I can't be friends with ugly people and that was the foundation to my insecurities for years. So from that moment I didn't know. Okay, I was like what is making me different to where I'm ugly? So I used the color of my skin and my hair to say I'm ugly.
Speaker 2:I ended up going to school with predominantly Hispanic and Black people, but I was noticing everybody around me had perms. So I went as far as to take, you know, like the beeswax. I have my hair in a slicked back ponytail and because my mom wasn't putting no heat on my hair, I would add a whole bunch of beeswax and slather it on my hair. Girl, no, I would get it out. And I was trying everything to just like to fit in because I saw everybody else doing same, like that sudden transition into like natural hair culture, to where people started embracing their natural hair.
Speaker 2:So my freshman year of high school, I I got perms, like in middle school. Then, all of a sudden, I remember I was I guess I't know why? But I didn't go back to the salon so I was just straightening my hair, doing like little braid outs, whatever, but I forgot I had a curl pattern. So I remember it's humid in Houston, like humid. So I had my hair straightened out for an event and all of a sudden it's so humid outside, my curls start to form and then the ends are straight and at that moment I was like I got curls, so my hair is not napping, like popping. I have like oh, like this is beautiful. I go home and straight cuts my hair like I cut no professional needed. I said I got this. I took the scissors and I cut off all the straight part. And that's when I started to embrace, like, my natural hair. Granted, was I taking care of it properly the inside time? No, but I started embracing my natural hair.
Speaker 2:And as for my height, I think even oh, when it comes to confidence in that, I think that took way longer to gain confidence in, because even when I was in college, I remember I graduated in 2019.
Speaker 2:But I remember clearly that, like the guys that I would talk to the moment I put heels on and I would be taller to them, they would make me feel very uncomfortable and somebody else's discomfort being around me makes me uncomfortable, so it made me insecure about that.
Speaker 2:But that was a moment in my life also where I was seeking male validation and so what they were saying or how they felt did affect me.
Speaker 2:And I want to say, like maybe it is right before, like too hot to handle, or during the COVID period, that I kind of had a shift and a time to, like reflect on myself and reflect on who I am, and that's when my confidence came up, but it definitely wasn't an overnight thing. And also, when I am nervous or when I am shy, I get louder. I kind of learned that when I was in school presenting in front of the class, because I don't want nobody to read me and be like, oh, she's nervous, she's shy. No, I get louder. And I think I tap into this alter ego, especially when I was on Too Hot to Handle and Perfect Match. I tap into this alter ego to battle the feelings of anxiety that I may have or the feelings of being shy, because it is like I am her and it's like the inner voice in me starts to portray when my alter ego comes out.
Speaker 1:Oh, I think that you and I well, I know that you and I do the exact same thing, because I too, I try to mask. When I'm uncomfortable, I try to mask my insecurities and then like, people will notice well, people won't notice, but I'll notice because I'm like, yeah, and then I'll just start being this totally different person. I'll put on this persona to mask what I really feel about me at that time. And it's very hard not to do that because you don't want people to see who you are and how you really feel. But you can only be fake for so long. And I have stopped trying to fake it, to make it because they, I, I no longer want to fit in. I want to stand out Like, I want to be who, who I am, and if you don't like it, you can go to hell, because I'm not living for you, I'm living for me, and that's something that I had to learn is to stop seeking validation from other people, because if I'm not trying to park my car, I don't need anything validated from anybody except my parking.
Speaker 1:So if you're not doing that, then I don't need it. So, yeah, I totally understand, because I would seek validation from men. I would seek validation from my friends, I'd seek validation from my mom. It's like it was a constant thing of me wanting to say look at me, look what I'm doing, see me, hear me, know that I am enough, know that I am enough as I am.
Speaker 1:And I heard you say that when you put on heels, it would make them feel uncomfortable and in turn, then you would feel uncomfortable with yourself. I have learned, baby if you are uncomfortable with me, then that is your issue. It is not mine, because I am the sun and I was meant to shine and I will do it without permission. The sun will come out. Now you said that you straightened your hair and then it got hot and the sun did not give a damn that. You just did your hair. The sun said I don't give a damn about you or your hair. I'm going to come out and I'm going to shine. But with that, it made you see how beautiful you really are. It's not our job to make people feel comfortable with us. That's not our job, nor is it our concern. Right, if you don't like me, you're going to be okay, but I'm going to still be me tomorrow, okay, okay, tomorrow, okay, okay. So how?
Speaker 2:did all this transition into you being on reality tv? Okay, so I never okay. So it's weird because when I was, like in high school, I always felt I was different and it was like people would be like, oh, that's delusional. But I always felt like I was meant to be on tv, or I was meant to be big, or I was meant to be more than what my circumstances were. Yes, um at all. So it was okay. We would see the lights get switched off, the gas would get switched off, like I didn't grow up with money. So to say that to to people who probably are struggling with the same thing as like, girl bye, like you think you you're gonna go on tv, okay, anyways. I remember when I switched my um social media handles to top model chrissy because I was speaking into existence, that I was come on, they laughed like in the hallway. They started laughing at me and they were like top model chrissy, ha ha ha. But yeah, that was just. That was just. That was. That was funny. But I always knew that that's something I wanted to do and I wanted to become somebody. I wanted to be more than what my circumstances were. So fast forward to COVID I.
Speaker 2:Prior to COVID, I actually lived in New York and I was trying to get signed to a modeling agency. I went through so much. I went through an eating disorder, I dyed the color of. I went through an eating disorder. I dyed the color of my hair blonde because I was noticing a pattern in what the modeling agencies were having. They were having all these blonde white girls. And I was like, okay, so you want blonde, I'll show you blonde. So I was so easy to manipulate myself and change myself because I wanted to be accepted by the industry. So I remember going to another agency and they were like, oh, like the blonde hair is cool, but it would only make sense if your eyes were like colored. And so I went back, my hair back black. And also the biggest thing was like my, my size, like I needed to be skinnier. So I was doing any and everything to become skinnier. I went as far as to go to Dallas to work out with this model fitness trainer who trains all the Victoria's Secret models. So I became skinnier. He eventually started giving me free classes because he said you came all the way here from New York Like I love this, this is amazing. And then COVID hit. So I went back to Houston.
Speaker 2:I lived with my parents and during COVID it was like one of those moments where I had like a realization that life is short, because I almost lost my dad to COVID. It was very bad. I remember everybody joking around about COVID being fake. People were going out practicing like social distancing and I was literally at home taking care of my dad. He was about to pass away and I, during the moment of COVID, like I got really, really close to my cousin. So we used to take walks and talk about our dreams and our plans and we were like filling each other's cups and she got me into watching Love Island and so I was like, oh, I love this. You know there's nothing else to do but to watch tv. So I was like, oh, right like an amazing show.
Speaker 2:And then she was like I can see you doing something like that, you should audition. And I was like, and now you just put a bug in my ear, because now I'm like, okay, right, like you, right, I am her, I should audition okay mind.
Speaker 2:I was used to consistently hearing no from all these modeling ages, all these opportunities. All I knew was no, so I didn't. I was just like, okay, whatever, I auditioned for that. I went through the process of it. This would have been for Love Island season three, but it didn't work out. Eventually they had a change of heart. I was bawling my eyes out because I wanted to use reality TV to boost my modeling career. I was like the industry doesn't want me. I'll show you I'm somebody. So let me go on this show and become somebody, so that you'll accept me. And it still didn't work out.
Speaker 2:Um, so then I was in like this casting portal and then I received like this email for um, like a show called love overboard, and I was like what is this? Like the love overboard? Like I don't know what this is, but it's like hot young um people trying to get together for the summer and have a crazy thing. I was like, um, that doesn't sound like my tea. But then I started seeing who it was. I started doing my research and I was like I think maybe this might be too hard to handle, because I'm an investigator. Ask any of my exes, I will find out. So, okay, come on, detective. And so I found I put, I put two and two together. So then I was like, whatever, I'm just gonna apply, because what like? They're probably gonna say no. But they started responding really fast and I was like am I getting a yes?
Speaker 2:So then, as time was progressing, I just remember being on the boat on too hot to handle and feeling like I was in a dream because at the time we didn't know it was too hot to handle, and so because I was on a boat, I was like, oh, like I'm not, this is not too hot to handle. I'm on a different show. But then when Lana came out and I sat here, I literally sat there and I was like I'm on Netflix, like girl life, like I really everything I've done like has led me to this point and I'm really here. And yeah, then I was on too hot to handle and I didn't even expect to fall for nobody.
Speaker 2:I didn't expect none of that. I just came in on some. This is for my career, I'm going to get it. I remember sharing a bed with Dre and everybody had a bed with a couple and I was just like I didn't come this far just to be this far. So if you're not in a couple, if there's not enough action going on, you're not getting screen time, and I was like no, this is for my career. This is to set my family financially free. I have so many things that I need to fight for, so I fought and it worked out.
Speaker 1:Girl, I love, I love and I hope that people are listening. Do not let a no stop you, do not let a no get in your way. And you kept going, even though you kept hearing no. Time after time after time. Again, somebody is going to give you a yes. If that door closes, baby, there's always a window. There's always a window, baby, climb through that bitch and make your way. Climb through the window because, baby, I don't need your door. Let me get this window up and get my ass in there.
Speaker 1:And I love how you said that you manifested who you were going to be from young Top model. Listen, y'all ain't got to think that I am top model material. I do so. I'm going to manifest that, manifest who you want to be. Put that in the atmosphere. I love how you said who you were before you became who you are. You already said I am a model, I am going to be somebody.
Speaker 1:And you kept hearing no after no. And yes, we may have changed our ways, but just because you change who you are doesn't mean that you are going to get your yes. And just imagine if you would have changed all that and you would have gotten that yes, you wouldn't have been happy with that yes, because look at how much you would have had to change in order to be that. Then you would have had to keep being that because they wouldn't want you. They would want the you that you showed them, which really wasn't your real self. And oftentimes we change who we are to get a yes and we have to keep that up. And it's hard to keep that up because that's not who we really are.
Speaker 1:So I applaud you for staying true to who you really are. And look at what you got. Like you didn't even know that that was going to happen. Like you had no idea. But even though you felt like, okay, they're going to tell me, no, right, you still took that shot. You still kept going. So let that be a lesson to somebody listening you may get a million and one no's. Keep going because you never know that next time might just be that, next time, that next time might be your time. So you got to keep going. So let's talk about while you were on the show and I know y'all saw that clip Because it would. I can't let this show go on without mentioning the banana. Is that a learn skill? Like? What Is that a learned skill Like what how do we become a banana expert?
Speaker 2:You see, I don't know Like I was. Just I was trying to give him a tease Girl. I knew he was like real horny, so, like everything I did on like Too Hot to Handle, I exaggerated. I exaggerated it because I was like I know exactly what I need to do and so I knew him. I knew he himself was a very horny boy, so I know exactly how to wind him. So that's, yeah, that's what I did yeah, I was.
Speaker 1:I was like okay, skills, because everybody don't have those, like you know, banana skills, okay. So I'm just listen, because me, being a pusitarian like I, I don't have banana skills because I don't eat bananas, I eat peaches. That's a different subject, but I don't know nothing about banana-isms. But listen, I was impressed, I was impressed.
Speaker 2:It's funny because recently my brother was like me and my brother were just talking about like a whole bunch of things and he was like it'd be pissing me off because, like all my cause, he plays basketball and he's in the G league. For now he plays for long Island, but before he played for the Raptors. And he was like you think I like hearing like my teammates talk about you in that banana trick. I was like, oh, like I really didn't consider like my family, like my bad he's, like no, it's so annoying, like I didn't want to look at that. I was like my man, oops, bye, I'm like screen time Entertainment.
Speaker 1:I mean yes, I mean yeah. I mean sometimes you got to give a little, you know. Now, as I was scrolling now before, I ask that like, how did this affect your dating life? Like, once the like show was over, like, were you like flooded with dms? Like, did your, did your dating life change and how is dating now? Like, how are you dating now since you have this new sense of self-worth, self-value? Like, how are you with guys and dating? Like, do you still seek that validation or are you comfortable with yourself now? That is just like you're going to take me as I am.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a great question. So I remember the reason me and Louis had so much chemistry is because he understood me and he was able to make me feel comfortable being weird and I know on the show a lot of it was just showing horniness, but off camera we were goofing off like. Our chemistry was unmatched and with my previous experience in dating, every guy that I was with was too serious. Or if I would. You know, when you kind of test the waters, say a little something weird to see their reaction, to see, are you fully yes for?
Speaker 2:them, they would always make me feel uncomfortable with fully allowing myself to open up to them, so the vibe just wasn't there. So I always thought that I was the problem and then I realized I'm not the problem and so, though that didn't work out, it did give me a perspective on wow, like I can be myself Like it. It opened new doors in dating and so, dm wise, like surprisingly, when I had less followers and like 2000 followers, there was more celebrities, basketball players and all that stuff in my DMS and my views now is actually surprisingly dry, like I don't know if the number intimidates them, that I have a lot of followers. That it may be like, oh, she's probably going to curve me Cause she thinks she's somebody.
Speaker 1:They kind of preferred it low key Cause when it was low key, oh, it was flooded, but now that I'm yeah, after the show, it it's now that you say yeah, yeah, cause when, when I had a like, a smaller number, it it was like and now, like, when you see the numbers, it's like, oh well, well, she, she would never. Yeah, yes, I would, because I am still regular. Like, like I, I am regular at the end of the day. Yeah, so yeah, I, I, I, yeah I can get that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they get. You know, guys, they get intimidated real fast. But, um, like after perfect match, okay. So after two hot to handle, you know, me and Louis didn't work out. And then I ended up in this long-term situationship with Nigel and I did go in there comfortable with myself, learning the pieces and the things that I learned when I was with Louis. That was it didn't work out.
Speaker 2:Um, I was too forgiving, and that's like I just feel, like every relationship that I've been in now I'm more attentive to like the things that I could have done better. And so I like reflected on my relationship with Nigel, for example, and realized that I was too forgiving and that I needed to stop chasing somebody's potential and take them for what they are. And so it's because I guess my problem was I was looking, for example, at like the grace and the love of my parents' relationship. They've been married for 30 years, about to be 31 years, and so I compare so many things to like what their marriage was like. But I couldn't do that because I wasn't married. I was giving grace and forgiveness and giving the benefit of the doubt to somebody who didn't even make me his girlfriend, and so that was really a moment where I was like, wow, like after I realized everything. It was one of the worst heartbreaks that I ever had to deal with. So when perfect match came out, the hate from people on me and him, even winning the show on top of dealing with the heartbreak, was a lot for me. So this the plot twist where you gonna be gagged.
Speaker 2:So in the beginning of the year, when I was um of last year, when I was with Nigel, my brother got me to become close to God and so I started building my relationship with God, but for the wrong reason, under the wrong foundation. So I started getting God so I can get closer to Nigel. And it wasn't, you know, I wanted Nigel to love me, but I wanted God to change that. Instead of saying, god, I want you to make Nigel love you so his heart can change, so that he can eventually love me and show like the love of Jesus. And it was the wrong foundation. I started asking God for signs and I started misinterpreting the signs. Like I remember, there were so many arguments that we would have and there was a point in time where we didn't talk for a long time and I was getting really close to God and I asked God a prayer and I was like Lord, I want him to text me with the heart of forgiveness and I want him to understand, and, yada, yada, yada. I kid you not. That day he sent me a paragraph and ended it with a Bible verse and I was like this was from God.
Speaker 2:And then there was a time where I started, I started reading the Bible and I, randomly, before going to bed, I crave something I've never drunk in my life. I craved milk with honey. Who drinks that? I, I drunk milk with honey. And then I opened my Bible and I started reading. And then I started reading about the only time where I read these words about being led to the land of milk and honey, when the Israelites were led to the land of milk and honey.
Speaker 2:Okay, taking it as God is now looking back, I'm like, instead of taking that as in, god is telling me that he's going to give me abundance and blessings, because that's what that was giving, that's what that signifies. I was taking it as, oh, god's telling me that Nigel is going to be mine and that I need to ride it through. So I was polluting myself. I was having dreams about him being with his ex ended up all being confirmed. I was having dreams that his mom looked me in my eyes and told me, um, like, when I was like, oh, like, I love your son, she was like, I don't know who you are. I had that dream, ignored it. So I was ignoring a lot of red flags because I was taking sign. I was taking sign. I was taking signs that I asked from God and, like, fitting it into a puzzle piece that didn't fit. Oh, girl, it was bad.
Speaker 2:And then, after, after me and Nigel ended in July, um, like, beginning of July, june, july that's when things were getting rocky I found out about his ex. I DM'd her on instagram. I said, girl, call me. And so then she called me and then we started facetiming and I found out that he was with the both of us the same time and then I said, girl, like, are you cool with me adding him to this facetime call? Okay, and I did, and so we went in on him and I was so hurt that I ended up having resentment towards God because I was like God to be the man for me, went through a period of resentment and I don't know at what moment a sudden light bulb switched in my head and I was, like I don't, I don't want to seek, like this, this validation from these relationships that I'm in, like I don't want to seek, like these, this validation from these relationships that I'm in, like I don't want to be this way. I don't want. I'm tired of hearing you're a good person but like I girl listen.
Speaker 2:I am you know what I'm saying Like I'm tired of letting that actually take me and take a toll on me. So actually in November I actually got a purity ring because I've been working on my relationship with God and so yellow little miss, too hot to handle, little miss pop, that little miss banana is now waiting till marriage to have sex. And how it's changed my perspective on dating. I feel like it's like it was meant to be. The damage that was done was meant to be done, because now my thought process on it is I want to be able to be with the man who sees me beyond the lustful aspect of it, like I don't want you to seek me because you want to sleep with me. I want you to be with me because you genuinely see a future with me. Look, we're only getting older. Okay, I don't want a family. I do want to get married and I feel like sending setting those, um, those values helps you. We out the men that are bs.
Speaker 2:So recently my ex tried to come back in the picture. I don't want him back but let's say hypothetically I was attracted to him and I would have wanted him back. He sent me, me flowers. He wanted to. He wanted, in January, for us to go on a trip together. And so then I was like okay, the intentions are about to be tested. So I told him I was like, oh yeah, you know, honestly I don't see you as anything more than a friend, but I do want to let you know, like I'm cool, cause he wants to take me on a date. I'm I'm like I'm cool with kicking it with you and going on this little date with you, but I just want to let you know that I'm abstinent now and I'm waiting till marriage. So I don't know if this may be what you want.
Speaker 2:And fans were exposed. At that moment he was like, oh no, I ain't on that. Yada, yada, yada. And just like that the energy shifted, so we stopped conversing and that was like an empowering moment for me, because I was like, wow, like I really am saving myself a lot of pain and a lot of damage, because I go back to, like my old relationships. If I would have took that out, if I would have took the sex out because I also do believe in soul ties If I would have took all of that out, how much would I have spared my heart, how much would I have spared my heart, like would I have protected myself a lot more because I decided to save myself for marriage and I don't know, I like it is harder because you know this generation, it is all about sex but at the same time, like I do see people who they get married a lot faster, I wouldn't have been in situationships, I wouldn't have been somebody's.
Speaker 2:Maybe I would have been somebody's absolutely because they knew exactly what they wanted.
Speaker 1:Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Rewind, rewind, rewind, baby, because somebody somewhere in this world needs to hear that again. Baby, I do not want to be somebody's what. Maybe you want to be their what.
Speaker 2:I forgot what I said. Hold on.
Speaker 1:She said I'm not trying to be somebody's. Maybe I want to be somebody's. Absolutely Do not bare minimum me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I am nobody's maybe I am not bare minimum like and that comes with knowing your worth, realizing that there are so many. There are so many fish in the sea that listen, settling for one person and allowing that one person to rip you apart and strip you of your confidence, that you're settling for one person and allowing that one person to rip you apart and strip you of your confidence that you spent so much time building? Because on tv people see this confident woman but it's like the moment I love somebody, my weaknesses start to show, so that can easily be stripped away. So, going back to body positivity, I told you how I took all this time to learn to embrace my body and to love my height and to love Like I used to stuff my bras when I was younger, trying to pretend I had boobs. I was the last one to have boobs in my in my middle school.
Speaker 1:And I was number one, oh girl.
Speaker 2:So long for me to like embrace that, look, or guys telling me to this day they still say it. They're like you know, you would be even badder if you had, if your butt was bigger or if you have boobs, and it's like I don't care about. I can look at that now and be like ugh, bye. Made me question my body and everything that I built, because I remember this is obviously before my, my purity journey that when I asked him a question about um, like why he didn't give back shots, he said because I didn't have the body for it.
Speaker 2:And so there was a lot of things that he would say about my body and his. He wasn't attracted to me fully and he was. He had admitted that he was forcing himself to be attracted to me, which, oh my gosh, being attracted to me should be a force, like it's easy to go. But because of my body, because the type of women that he goes after are the women that have very curvaceous bodies, and so for me, because it was coming from somebody that I loved, I did allow that to get to me and I did allow that to kind of make me take 20 steps back when I took so many steps forward in building my confidence.
Speaker 1:The one thing that really there was a lot of things that stood out, what you said, and I feel like women, really women, we really need to listen to this conversation and have more conversations about choosing ourselves and not choosing other people. But when you said and us as women, women, we do this a lot you said I had to stop chasing his potential Women. We do this a lot. We chase the person that we want them to be and not actually the one that we see in our face. We chase who we hope that they can be. We chase who we want them to desperately be so badly, but the person that they are is actually in our face and we don't see that. And then, another thing that you said, because I have done this several, several times, I have prayed, and prayed, and prayed and asked God, god, send me a sign. And then the sign would come and I would misconstrue it, or or I would see a sign and think in my mind that that sign came from God. But really that was me, because sometimes we create our own signs and we see things that we we want to see and and then we say, oh God, that that was you. No, baby, that was you, cause you. You cause this is what you wanted to see. You wanted this man to be your man, and so you in your mind create oh well, he sent a Bible verse that must have been God.
Speaker 1:No, and some people will use, like, if you tell them little things about you, some people will use that to manipulate you, and then we fall for that manipulation. So let me just throw this little Bible verse in here, because I know that she loves God and it's like oh God, that was you. Uh-uh, baby, that is what you wanted to see, that's what you wanted to see. You will know that. You know that. You know that. You know when it comes from him or when it comes from you, yep, yep. And that's things that we don't always see, like we. We create signs because we want something so bad that we will do anything to make it happen. But we have to stop chasing people's potential. Stop chasing who we want them to be and see who they actually are. Yeah, and choose us, because doesn't choosing you feel so good it does, it does.
Speaker 2:And then you it's like you, you have like a special lens that you can kind of see people for the bs that they are, and it's like didn't have that lens, you would have gave it a chance. You would have wasted years crying over a situation that could have been avoided had you had a little bit more discernment in the situation and I love that you said.
Speaker 1:When I took the, the sex out, I realized how much heartache it it saved me from so when I started to choose myself first, because sex is not only for you, it's also for them, but it's so. When I took that out, when I just chose me and I didn't choose them and I chose myself, I'm realizing I'm actually saving myself from hurt, I'm saving myself from heartache, and then you can actually see who they really are, because when you choose you, you actually see the real them and then you'll see, well, will you actually choose me too, because I'm choosing me Now. Will you choose me too? Let me see how you match up. Let me see if, like, our energies match. Or are you just choosing me for your pleasure, but you're not choosing me for the long run?
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, I am just a temporary fix. Yep, yep. And sometimes the people in our lives, the relationships, are really not relationships, they're just situations, they are temporary fixes. Like you are just there just for a little while, but not for the long haul. Yeah, yeah, just for a little while, but not for the long haul. Yeah yeah, baby, you will not use me for medicinal purposes. Like you're not going to use me for that. Yeah, I want to be just like you said. I want to be somebody's absolutely. Yeah, I don't want to be somebody's maybe, or somebody's right now. Yeah, I want to be your absolutely. And that brings me to a post that I saw, that you said and when, when I tell you, I hollered, I was like, yes, girl, you said if you do not plan to marry me, get out of my husband way. If you are dating me, and if you have no intentions on marrying me, baby, get out of my husband way, because my husband is looking for me.
Speaker 2:No, I don't got time to be wasted on you, boo Bye.
Speaker 1:My husband is looking and you blocking my husband, blessing because I'm a blessing, you blocking my husband, blessing, get out of the way so that my husband can find me, right, because you're messing it up. And I was like girl yes, girl yes, and I love.
Speaker 2:We do this a lot where we are giving wife, yeah, and we're not even a girlfriend, but we're giving a wife I'm so big on that, I'm so big on not giving a wife to men that don't even make you girlfriend, even if you are a girlfriend get. A man loves a chase. They love like. There's this book that's called why Men Love Bitches, and so basically it explains the mindset of a man. Men love a good chase. They even talked about withholding from sex for a while, like outside of like you know, like for me it's for religious reasons, but there it's like men love a chase. You have to wind them and yeah, that that book was basically what you're saying right now, like putting all of that together.
Speaker 1:And then it's like you wonder why they don't want to marry you. Well, why would I, when you're already giving me wife? So I don't have to marry you because you're giving me wife.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they have nothing to look forward to because at all all that. All that there is is papers and a ring and it's like you're already doing everything together. So my rule for myself is I'm not moving in with a man. No man, I'm sorry I ain't cooking with him. We could cook in the kitchen together, but I'm not cooking for him. I don't care if you look at me, but oh, you can't cook. No, I'll cook for my husband. I will submit to my husband, but I will not be submissive towards a man who hasn't earned my submission.
Speaker 1:That part, that part, like I'm not washing your clothes, like I'll, like I'll do you favors every night, now and then, but but, but don't get comfortable asking me to do things that you would ask your wife, yeah, to do. Yeah, don't, don't. Don't get too comfortable thinking, oh well, and men will like they'll see just how much rope, oh well, let me, let me, let me ask her to go pick this up. Well, let me ask, say hey, you want to cook? Cook for me now, it, now, if I choose to make you breakfast, I will, but then it'll start well, hey, um well, cook me dinner. Well then, it'll be like oh well, why? Why, you didn't cook for me? Uh-uh, uh-uh, no expectations. Yeah, it's not none of that. It's not you. You have not earned the right to expect anything for me. Yep, you have not earned that, right. Yeah, you're not my husband, so you cannot give me those type of expectations. Baby, we can talk about this all day.
Speaker 1:Listen, no, literally, because it's so many women that needs to hear this and need to know that you are the prize. Yes, your mere presence is a presence. You are a gift. Yeah, and you should not lower your standards just because somebody cannot afford you. That's on them, that's not on you. So choose you first and watch how the doors open up. The right person is going to find you. But you have to get out of your way. You have to choose you first, you have to love you first and then open yourself up to allow other people to come in and love you and know that it's right for you. Oh you, girl, you have just given me so much to think about and just to reflect on, and I know that you did for so many other people that are listening now. If people want more of you, if they want to find more of you, where can they?
Speaker 2:find you? They can find me on Instagram and TikTok at Christine O'Banner, and I'm going to start. I know I'm a yapper. I'm trying to get better at YouTube. It's just the editing process of it. But subscribe to me on YouTube at Christine O'Banner and I'll soon start making more long form videos.
Speaker 1:I love it guys. Oh, you have been just a pleasure having on. I hope that this will not be the last time that we will have you in the passenger seat with me. Guys, go and follow her, go and get some knowledge. Just go and see how she has changed her life for the better, how she chose her, and you can as well listen. I need y'all to know that you are a diamond. You are a diamond and do not let anybody make you think that you are not. You were meant to shine. So go out there and be ultraviolet. Choose yourself, love yourself, because you deserve it. Okay, so, as you go out there and be great in their face, remember to be great in your own. Keep being fabulous like I know you can be, and, as always, you have a good day on purpose.