In The Passenger Seat with Alethea Crimmins
From the front seat of her car, Alethea has motivated millions—reaching hearts around the world and even catching the attention of icons like Rihanna, Kesha, Madonna, and Viola Davis. Now, she’s bringing that same energy, wisdom, and unshakable confidence to the podcast realm—inviting special guests to ride along and share their own journeys of resilience, purpose, and self-discovery.
No scripts, no filters—just raw, powerful conversations filled with gems, laughter, and the kind of motivation that makes you sit up a little straighter. You never know who will be in the passenger seat next, but one thing’s for sure: every ride is a step toward something greater.
So buckle up, tune in, and let’s take this journey together. 🎙️🚗✨
In The Passenger Seat with Alethea Crimmins
From HBCU Pushback to Power: Hope Giselle on activism, survival, and writing your own script
The room laughed—and Hope chose to build a bigger stage. That’s the energy we bring into this conversation with author, artist, and activist Hope Giselle, a world-changer who turned rejection at a conservative HBCU into a blueprint for queer visibility, campus safety, and unapologetic self-worth. We trace the path from “you’ll never perform here” to founding a student organization, producing a two-hour AIDS benefit in drag, and facing the hidden fees and institutional traps designed to shut it all down. What could have been an end became a playbook: document everything, gather allies, anticipate gatekeeping, and refuse to shrink.
We go deeper at a dorm window where despair almost won—and two Black men from student affairs broke the door off its hinges to pull Hope back. That moment complicates the easy narratives and shows what real allyship can look like in Black communities. From there, we explore the “free” chapter of Hope’s life: a marriage that holds her accountable with love, a circle that won’t let her shrink her height or her light, and a boundary with family that protects her peace. If you’ve wrestled with body image, gendered expectations, or the pressure to be smaller to make others comfortable, this is a practical guide. Hope’s line will stick with you: “Everything exclusive goes on sale.” Set your price. Run your race. Keep your pen.
We also preview Not Your Average Girl—Hope’s new documentary with grassroots screenings in Atlanta, Miami, LA, and DC—and her expanding HIV and AIDS advocacy, including USCHA in Washington, DC. Come for the story; stay for the frameworks you can use today: how to navigate hostile systems, build chosen family, and live out loud without apology. If this conversation moved you, tap follow, share it with someone who needs the reminder, and leave a review to help others find the show. Your voice helps us reach the people still standing at their own window.
Have a Good Day On Purpose...
YA' Welcome
Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back to In the Passenger Seat with your Positivity Queen and neighborhood hot girl, Alethea Crimis, baby. Do I have a treat for you today? Listen, I have been after this woman for the longest time, and I'm finally able to have her on my podcast. Listen, if you do not know who she is after today, she is someone that you will never forget. Not only is she an arch activist, she is an author, an artist. She is not just making waves, honey. She is making a damn tsunami. She is putting the world on notice. Listen, she is a force. That's all I can say. She is a force. So I want to introduce you now. Put your hands together for the fabulous, the amazing, the talented, the phenomenal. I need to keep you with me wherever I go.
SPEAKER_00:Because if that's everybody say that when I introduce them, like damn, can you say that? Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03:Like you on payroll. Just come on.
SPEAKER_01:Because everybody needs to know that you don't, you're not an influencer. You are a world changer. Like you put people on notice and you let the world know exactly what is going on and how we can do to change it and what we should not be doing. Like what while we're here watching memes the world. The world happening. So for those of us who do not know who you are, and if you don't know, I need where have you been? Um can you please introduce yourself and tell us just a little bit about who you are, what you do, and why you do it?
SPEAKER_03:Absolutely. Uh so my name is Hope Design Godzi. I am an award-winning activist, an author, an author, an actress, a model. Um, and when I say activist, I do mean on all fronts. I'm not just an activist for trans people. I am an activist who happens to be trans, right? Um, and I don't consider myself to be an influencer. I'm a person who has influence, which are two different things, right? I don't wake up and and seek to get a paycheck from making videos. I'm a person who, you know, I'm a person who uses my influence in order to be able to give people a way to make a paycheck, if you will. So um, those are things that really motivate me. I've been doing this work for the last 15 years or so of my life. Everything from bodily autonomy to racism to um the rights of women and immigrants and HIV, body positivity, all of the things, those are just like things that are passionate. And because I'm an intersectional being and all of those things have affected me, I want to make sure that people understand that you can talk about more than one thing and that my life does not revolve around the fact that I'm a trans person navigating the world. I'm still black, I'm a woman, I navigate what it means to go through mental health. My father passed away from HIV. You know, there's so many different things about me that I could focus on. And so choosing to ride the trans wave because that's what everybody wants, like clickbait about just was never my style. And that's really garnered me to be in spaces like NASA, like Harvard, like BET, all of these different things and people and corporations that I've worked for over the years. And I'm just really grateful because not every black trans woman you're gonna meet has this story.
SPEAKER_01:As I'm reading your bio, you just I'm I am just more in awe of you than I already was. Like just woman to woman, like I'm not a trans woman black, woman to woman, you inspire me. Like you, you inspire me. So I like I need to tell you this to your face. You are an inspiration. Like you co-founded the first LGBT organization at a conservative H B C U, where most people would tell you to be silent, where most people would tell you to shrink, where most people would tell you this is not where you belong. What was the moment that you knew that you could no longer stay silent? I don't think I was episoding. Like, let's be very clear.
SPEAKER_03:Like, I I am not, I I've never been one of those people that feels like I have to shut up because I'm not the majority of folks, right? Um, and so I think from the first day, hell, even before I got there, I remember my mama called. Like once my dorm, once my dorm got assigned, my mama called and was like, hey, look, now my baby different. I will never forget that conversation. It was not gonna do and what you know, my mama was very clear with them people like my baby is different, and what y'all are not about to do, because if I have to come up here, it's gonna be a problem.
SPEAKER_01:Because what y'all not gonna do is play in my baby face, yeah. Like this is what y'all not going to do, so I'm just let letting you know, as a black mama, don't make me come up here, don't make me come up here, make me come up here because because if I do, all y'all gonna get it. I love that though. Like she was a typical black mama protecting her black daughter, like I mean, but you know, that that's the funny thing about it is like she wasn't protecting her black daughter at the time.
SPEAKER_03:I hadn't transitioned, I didn't transition until um the end of sophomore year. I want to say, I want to say I got I transitioned like the end of sophomore year going into junior year. Um, so that was just, you know, my mama just being, I think, overprotective and and kind of sort of setting the tone, like letting people know, like, I'm leaving him here, but he's not alone. So don't try it, you know. Um, and I think that that was a thing that really set the tone with the adults on campus, like because there were other queer kids there. And I had heard some of the stories, and like you don't like when I think about it, like now hindsight 2020, I didn't see anybody else's like parents or like hear about anybody else's parents like coming up to the school. Um, my my best friend during the time, Mitchell, you know, him and I, like we talked about our moms frequently, but like all the other like queer kids on campus, it was a very estranged and distant relationship. And for me, that didn't happen until after I transitioned. Like after I transitioned, me and my mom stopped talking completely. But um like those first formidable years, like people just didn't have relationships with their parents, and that was just very interesting to me. Um, but a lot of my get up and go was, I was never supposed to, the funny fact about it was I was never supposed to be anywhere near Alabama at all. Um, I busted my behind to get every scholarship I could find. I graduated top 10% of my class. I got, you know, I didn't have to pay a dime. I don't owe anybody anything for my undergrad um degree, none of that. And the the thing that was very interesting was I got accepted to my dream school in Mayu. And my mom was like, Yeah, they want$5,000 up front for this dorm, and I'm not taking out a loan to get it. And I was like, But mom, I'm I'm a presidential scholar. I have extra scholarship money, like you're gonna get this money back. I'll pay you as soon as the refund check hit. Like, it's not like take out the loan and I will give it back to you, you know? And she was just like, no. And so literally, she got off the phone with the people and she looked over at me and she said, You gotta find somewhere to go. Like that was the conversation. There was no negotiation, there was no, let's talk about it. There was no, I know you worked hard for this, none of that. I I wanted to go to NYU from the time that I let go of my dreams of going to UCLA. I from the time that I was like five to about 10, I was like UCLA because I wanted to be a lawyer. And I ended up going to a magnet school, found theater, found dance, and I was like, okay, cool, NYU. And that had been the only thing that I talked about from the time that I was about teen to the time that it was time to graduate and go to college. And so to be told that all of my hard work was gonna go down the drain in five seconds, I didn't really know what to do. And so I knew that I wasn't, I didn't want to stay in Miami. I didn't want to be anywhere near Florida, I didn't want to be anywhere where my mama could pop into her car and in 45 minutes or less, she could come and like get me because I knew that she would. And so um, it just so happened that her godsister called right after that conversation happened, and her godsister was like, well, you know, if he liked theater, you know, Alabama State has a really great theater program. I, you know, I used to go there and so maybe check that out. And it didn't matter to me that it was in Alabama, it was away from Florida. So I was like, say less, you know, and I applied that night. I woke up the next morning to an admissions letter, and it was, you know, history. Um I thought that I was gonna have the same theater experience that I would have had at NYU in Alabama because I was like, well, it's theater. Like all the queer kids are in theater. And baby, that was, I was in for a rude awakening. It was, it was not that, you know. It was not that at all. Um, so I had to advocate for myself very, very early and let these people know that you weren't going to tell me that I couldn't, you know, do a thing because I wasn't masculine outside of the theater. Like, if I can play this role on the stage, what does it matter that I wear tutos in my free time? You know, like but they they they didn't see it that way. And to me, I felt like it was even more of a testament to their ability to teach. Like, if you have this very queer wears tutus, nail polish and acrylics young man walking around campus, and then we go to see the color purple and he's playing Mr. convincingly, to me, that would have just been like, yeah, and we did that, you know. Like I would have, you know, but they didn't they didn't see it that way.
SPEAKER_01:This is you sh showing your talent, like it's not you what what you want me to do? Yeah, but they would rather put you in a box. Yeah, they would rather me not perform at all. So how did after all of that you end up making this uh phenomenal shift and change in this school?
SPEAKER_03:Um, so when the theater told me that I would never perform on the stage as long as I look like that, um, and that that's a literal motion that the director of the theater department made towards.
SPEAKER_01:I've been I've been given the this. Yeah. Um I've been given that.
SPEAKER_03:And so that lady looked at me in front of my entire class and was just like, as long as you look like that, I don't care how talented you are, you'll never perform on this stage. And um I was like, oh, okay, bet. This ain't the only way to perform on stage on campus. Fuck y'all, you know. And so um I was like, I want to find a place where queer people can, you know, kind of go and where we can just be and we can brainstorm and we can build our own performances. And there were other queer kids in the in the theater department that just kind of sort of played it small. And I was just not about playing it small, but they supported me. And so um I went through all the rig and row to figure out how to create a club and how to do the things, and it took months, and it took months because the advisors for like the people who have to approve whether or not the club is like a legal club on campus, all of these different things, they had meeting after meeting with me about whether or not I was sure I wanted to do this. Um, and they said that like back in the early 90s or something like that, uh, some kids did have like an unofficial like meeting space. And the football players came in and threw pizza at them. And that was the end of that, you know, those kids' meeting on on campus. And what I recognized was that you weren't looking out for me, you were trying to scare me because y'all didn't, y'all didn't want the club. And so they were having all of these meetings and trying to tell me all of these horror stories about the way that kids were treated in the past when they tried to gather, not even have a club, but just gather. And I was like, okay, and if they come and try to throw pizza at us, I'm beating the ass. Like it's just that simple. Like, I'm serious, you know. Um, and I had already been in a couple of fights on campus, so I was not the queen to try. So they they that had all that word had already gotten around about me. So I don't think that that was the what was gonna happen. So finally, after like a couple of months of them piddle peddling around, they could not figure out anything to not justify. I had all of my paperwork, I had an advisor, I had people that were willing to like support, I had enough members, you know, all of the things. And so they finally approved it. And my first thing that I wanted to do was an AIDS benefit concert for the Montgomery AIDS outreach. And this concert was essentially just me and Drag for two hours. But I mean, hey, hey, come on. We called it, we called it the Beyonce experience. Um, but it was literally, it was just me doing a Beyonce concert rendition for two hours with a bunch of different queer kids and singants that agreed to be a part of this conversation, uh, this performance. And it was crazy because I got one of the largest, hardest venues to get at Alabama State, which is the Acadome. And I got it during one of the hardest weeks to get it, which is Homecoming Week. And um it was beautiful. We did the performance, we raised$1,200 for the Montgomery Age Outreach, and then the ball dropped because they set me up. So they knew that there were all of these hidden fees that I would have to pay, right? So there was a hidden fee for the lighting, there was a hidden fee for the sound guy, there was a hidden fee for the fog machine, there was a hidden fee for the DJ, like there were all of these different things. And so we thought that like a lot of this stuff was being gifted to us and offered to us as a club who, you know, has the things. And so basically, after we did all of that, we raised the money. We we were like in a hype for the club. They were just like, so um, we need y'all to pay X, Y, and Z by so and so. And if y'all don't, then we're disbanding your club. And they knew that we didn't have the money to pay off those things. And they knew they knew when they agreed to let us do it that it was gonna be a one and done. So they would never have to deal with our club again. And um, that's exactly what happened. We couldn't raise, I think it was about$5,500 that they needed to pay off all of these people. And the people still got paid. So it wasn't the fact that they didn't have the money, it was that they knew that that was the loophole to get us to no longer be able to have a legitimized club because we would be in debt until we paid that$5,000 or that$5,500 off. So, like there was a there was something at every turn with them. And um, fortunately, a graduate student by the name of Darien Aaron came back. Um, and Darien, Darien had heard what I was doing, and he created something different and asked me to come and be a part of that because he heard you know what happened, and so that was beautiful. Um, unfortunately, Amplified, which is the club that Darien uh did, is also no longer at Alabama State because there's just no queer support. There's no um, there's no adult or any advisor that is willing to like keep it going and advise queer students at Alabama State about how to navigate this. And so while the legend of Hope Giselle still haunts the halls of Alabama State University, the club is just like the safe space is no longer there because there's nobody that cares about whether or not queer kids on that campus have a safe space. And they never have. If you don't build it, then they they're not going to provide it to whether they provide spaces for every other faction of people, including the immigrants. Like, you know, y'all have all of these things for the African folks and the uh the Asian folks that y'all fly into Alabama State University, but the black queer students that live in the area, that grew up in the area, that understand black culture, y'all have less care for us than y'all do for these foreigners, you know, and so it was just interesting, and it always has been.
SPEAKER_01:But in all of this, you uh made an impact on somebody's life. You changed somebody's life, absolutely affected somebody's life in a positive way that would not have been able to get that same thing somewhere else. If this is not a message to somebody, y'all need to hear everything that Hope just said. I wanted to go here. This is what my heart was set on. But baby, I'm gonna get on my pulpit for just a little while. Your heart was set on going to one place. You said God, this is where I want to go. But God said, No, this is where you want to go, but this is where I need you to be. I need you to be here. You don't need to go to NYU because I can't use you there. I can't use you there. I need you to go where I can use you. Yeah, uh, and that's exactly what happened. Uh uh and so many times people often wonder why I am here. This is not where I wanted uh uh to be because I can't have you there, I can use you here. Come on, you can make a change here, you can make an impact here. People are going to know who you are here. You don't need to go over there. Absolutely. That's exactly what you did. Absolutely. You made a change and you are still making changes, even though you now just imagine what life would have been like if you would have gotten into NYU and like everything would have been roses and grade and ground and whatever, but then you wouldn't have impacted all of the lives that you did, and and still to this, you may have become a totally different person than who you are right now. Absolutely. But being there gave you roots, being there gave you a purpose that you continue to walk in to this day. You continue to walk in that, but had you not had that experience, who knows where hope Giselle would be right now. You needed to be there.
SPEAKER_03:I still it's it's crazy because since I've graduated, I still have every every semester there's a trans girl that graduates that that comes back, and I mean I don't know these little girls. I ain't been in I ain't been in college in years, you know, and I will every every year there's a new trans girl that's like, I heard about you, and you know, thank you so much, because I know that some of the stuff that we got was because of you, and they be telling stories about you from campus and the cafeteria ladies still be talking about you, like, you know, so I I know that I did what I needed to do in that space. And even though the club does not exist, I know that the girls and the boys and and the the they're safe on that or safer than they would have been on that campus before I got there.
SPEAKER_01:Because of the impact that you made.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01:Because of the impact that you made, be because you were placed exactly where you needed to be. Y'all, like I y'all, y'all know that I find a message in everything. And like as you you was talking, I was like, Woo, glory.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I'm like there's there's so many. I mean, I I almost jumped out of the window on that campus, you know, like that that's the the craziest part. Um it and I think everything happens for a reason because I wasn't even talking to my mama, like at that at this particular time. I think me and my mama had just reconciled our third argument of the year. And you know, this particular day, I wasn't feeling it. I don't know why I wasn't feeling it. And my mama called me and I was just walking into the calf. And it's very rare that I was ever like that honest with my mom at that age or like that I was very dismissive of her. But she called me that day and I was like, mama, not today. You know, like I hope I don't sound disrespectful, but you know, I was just like, not today. I don't, I don't, I ain't got it. And my mama, who was a very like black mama, would never usually take that on the chin. But for whatever reason, her mother's intuition just was like, okay, call me when you feel better. And so I was very glad that I didn't have to argue with her or have the back and forth about what was wrong, because I didn't know what was wrong. I just wasn't feeling it that day. And um, so we're having this, we had that conversation in the calf. And as I'm walking through, like almost right after I hung up the phone on her, these football players see me walking by and they the whole table just starts laughing. And now that causes like another set of people to start laughing. And now, even though I felt, even though it was only a couple of people at those two tables, it felt like the entire room was was laughing at me.
SPEAKER_01:I get it.
SPEAKER_03:And so, you know, I'm I'm I'm doing that, and like once that laughter broke out, it was like something in my spirit broke, and I just turned around. I didn't want to eat no more. I went back to my room. And I, when I got there, I was just like, let me see how far this window opened. That was the first part of the conversation. So let me see how far this window opened. I just need some fresh air. And so like I lifted the window and surprisingly it went all the way up. And usually at college campuses, that's you they don't do that, especially when you're on the fifth floor like I was. So um, you know, I'm on the fifth floor and I'm at first I stick my head out, the breeze is going, and then I'm sitting in the windowsill, and I'm just sitting up there, just chilling. And part of me just was hoping that somebody would look up and be like, say something.
SPEAKER_01:I've been there. Oh, I've been there.
SPEAKER_03:Oh you know, I I I I will say that that was a a cry for attention and help. I'm not, I'm not gonna even hold you. That that was a moment where I just I wanted some attention. Like, let me see who gives a shit that I'm just sitting here. And you know, I'm I'm sitting there for like 10 minutes and people are looking up. Nobody, nobody's saying anything. Like nobody's nobody's even being like, oh damn, like you sitting, like nobody's saying anything. People are just looking up and walking away and looking up and walking away. There's not even a crowd of people like looking around because people are like, oh, they're a gay boy at the window. Like nothing, nothing. And um I think like after that first 10 minutes went by and I saw that many people just didn't give a shit. Like I just started, like profusely crying. I was I was two seconds from letting that windowsill go. And these two men who were in the office of student advisement, Dr. Height and um Dr. Ray, they came banging and bursting through my door. They broke my door off the hinges. And I remember before I could even think straight about what was going on, Dr. Height had grabbed me, bare hooked me, and threw me onto my bed, and Mr. Ray was slamming the window. And um after, you know, I sat there and cried for a minute. We all baby, we all sat there and cried for a minute. Like these two heterosexual men's men of the campus, like these were the guys on campus. These two men were the men that you talked to when you were a student and you had a problem on campus. And you know, that we're all just sitting there crying. And finally, when I had had enough, like I was like, Thank you. And I remember Dr. Height was like, Thank your mama. He was like, I don't know what you said to her. He said, I don't know what you said to her. But he was like, She called us and she forced us to come and check on you. And I'm glad that we did it.
SPEAKER_01:Because mamas know. Mamas know. Oh, girl, like that. Just gave me chance because my mamas know, and you you ain't even gonna say say that much, and mamas know, and thank God that mama knows okay, you you you need your minute, but something is wrong with my baby. Yeah. Oh, but but I've but I've been where where where you've been, so I totally understand exactly what you are talking about. And I'm sure that there are people out there listening and watching right now that have also been on that ledge with you, screaming, hoping that somebody would look up and say, look at me. I need help, and nobody is hearing you. It it is like you are in this glass cage, and everybody just keeps walking by and you're and you're banging on it. Help me, help me, help me, but nobody is seeing you, and it's like all you want to do is jump. All you want to do is jump. I I I had that exact same moment, and that was the moment that I realized that nobody was coming to save me. I had to save myself. I I had to because my I had to save me. I couldn't wait on anybody else, I couldn't expect anybody else to save me because let's be honest, it's not their job, it's mine. It's mine, but I'm so happy that your mom was like, I know that something is wrong. Go and get my baby. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, like it was uh like a week or so afterwards, it was funny. They, you know, they called me into their office just to do a check-in or whatever. And so they gave me the real rundown of how everything happened. And uh Mr. Ray said, Your mama called me and she said, Mr. Ray, I don't know what you're doing, I don't care what you're doing, but you need to get to my baby's room and you need to get there now. And mind you, I told my mom I was going to the catch. So how she knew to send them to my room, I have no idea, you know. And so then Mr. Hype, Dr. Height said that your mama called and gave me the same call. And we both happened to be walking in the same direction at the same time. And we was like, Oh, give Miss Danielle call. You give Miss Danielle called me. So now they kind of died. And so it would it was the funniest thing because it like afterwards when I talked to my mama about it, she said, Oh no, I cuss them out. I cussed them out to make sure they were going there.
SPEAKER_01:So you retelling this story, like I can see that there's some emotions going on there, but you reliving it and retelling it. Yeah, what is entering your mind? What thoughts are going through your head as you have to relive this moment because it is all over your face, like um, there's a couple of things.
SPEAKER_03:I think one is that um I think that that's one of the reasons why I'll never give up on black men. Black people, especially queer people, and especially black trans women, we have some of the most disgusting experiences with black men, whether it be the lack of ability to just name that they love us, whether it be beating on us because they can't understand their attractions for us, whether it be the fact that they've been trained that we are somehow the enemy for whatever reason, you know, all of these different things. And, you know, maybe having a father that wasn't accepting, maybe having a grandfather or, you know, people in your life, big brothers, whomever, um, that treated you wrong. And I know so many trans women, black trans women specifically, that are scarred and jaded and say, fuck black men because of that, and and want you to do away and dispose of. And I also know that there are so many people outside of the community that believe that the reason that people are queer or trans or gay or whatever is because we have these negative ideations about black men. And thinking about that story reminds me that like in my life, I've been saved and loved on and heard and cared for in some of my most vulnerable moments by black men, heterosexual black men, you know. Um, and and remembering, you know, both uh Mr. Ray and Dr. Heitch, uh, God rest both of their souls, I believe. Uh Mr. Dr. Heitch passed away and and so did Mr. Ray. Um but being able to to really like think about the fact that these two black men who had other things to do, there are so many students on that campus. You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_00:Like dropped everything.
SPEAKER_01:They dropped whatever they were doing. A little queer boy. It's always the ones that you least expect. Yeah. That you least expect. Oh.
SPEAKER_03:And they they dropped everything, you know, like just because somebody mama called and was like, I got a feeling. Like, my mama didn't even, it wasn't like my mama got on the phone and said, Oh, I just got up the phone, my child. She in the window, go get her. Like right.
SPEAKER_01:No, it would it was like, look, I I I know that I know that I know that something is wrong. Y'all, y'all, y'all better go right now because I'm because because I'm because I'm telling you, if she she did that little black black mama thing, if I have to go up there, it's gonna be a problem. Okay, yeah, all the way. Now, earlier you gave us a list of your actress model, activist, artist. Um, you are also an author of two best selling book books. I let me say that again. Author of two best sellers. Something that's some people had to to buy, but she she she did not. Oh no? Okay. Um I did not know that you could buy that because chapter of your life would you say that you're on right now?
SPEAKER_03:Oh, um, this chapter is called free. This one right here is called free. Um elaborate. I feel the most free right now than I have ever felt in my entire life. I have an amazing husband that loves my dirtiest of draws. I'm talking about the ones with the crunch. I'm talking about the ones I done left the penny liner in, I got a little funk on them. He loved them too. Like my husband loves my dirtiest. My husband loves my dirtiest pair of draws. And um to have somebody that can hold me accountable while loving me, that can give me grace, that can show me strength, that is going to make sure that I'm taking care of myself before I take care of community. Um I don't have no worries. I can't tell you what some of the bills cost. I don't know how much shit costs around here. I have no idea. I don't know. You know, I have a couple of little odds and ends that I pay for, and most of them are subscription. Like, you know, but I don't, I don't, I, I know that like I know the account information if I ever needed to get, but like on a day-to-day, just thinking about like I can't tell you how much we pay to be in here for real. I can't tell you what the light deal costs, I can't tell you what the water bill is. I can't tell you, you know, what some of these things are. I could pay them on my own. We could split it 50-50, but I have somebody that does not want that. My husband's entire goal after five years of us really being locked in was to retire me because every day he was watching me get up and activate and do all of these things and work and this plane and that plane and every other week a plane and just all of these amazing things. And I have a solid circle of friends, and people don't talk about how amazing and how comforting and how um beautiful that can be to have real motherfuckers around you that want to see you win and that that wanna that check in on you and that that love you, you know, for real for and they don't need nothing in return except for you to show that love back, you know.
SPEAKER_01:I need you to I'ma I'm gonna I'm gonna need you to repeat for the people in the nosebleeds that don't pay attention, you said to have friends, to have real people around you. How how important is that to you to have this circle of friends, people that keep you grounded? How important and do you consider because I know for me my my family and I like I I I have my family that I was born into, and then I have my family that I chose. So, how important is chosen family to you? Oh, very.
SPEAKER_03:I think especially, you know, right now, I I told that beautiful story about my mom. My mom is still, my mom is is my mother, but I don't like her. My mom is a good mother, but she's not a good person. Um and a lot of people don't recognize that those two things can live in the same place. My mom did and is doing the best that she can do. Parents do not get a handbook, they don't nobody knows how to make this work. And and, you know, kids are different. Everybody, you know, even if you got multiple, each one of those multiples are different people. Um, but uh what I've realized as I've gotten older is that if my mama wasn't my mama, I wouldn't fuck with her. So why am I putting up with dealing with her just because she's my mama and I don't have to do that?
SPEAKER_01:The mouthful that you just said, because I swear I feel the exact same way about my mother. Like if my mama wasn't my mama, I wouldn't not fuck with her either because oh, baby, the the the like truth that I live in is different from the truth that she lives in, and a lot of my body image things that I had to, my body image issues that I had to deal with and that I fought with came from from my mother. And you also talk about body image, um, which can be very brutal in uh today's world that we live in and coming from a plus size woman, like this is something that we have dealt with and deal with some more and continue to deal with. How do you keep living in your truth in who you are, and you remain so confident in who you are and not worry about the opinions of the world and what they have to say? How do you because I feel like this is going to help so many people because the world tells us what we should not be, how we should not look, how you should talk, how you shouldn't talk. The world is like always in our ear, but you stand true and firm in who you are, and you do it with such grace and you do it with such confidence. How do you continue to do that when the world is always in your ear? So if I'm there's a couple of things I have to be honest about.
SPEAKER_03:I know that I am traditionally aesthetically pleasing to people. Like we can't like knock that out, regardless of weight, height, trans, not trans, I know that I'm a traditionally attractive person to most people, right? Um, and so that's a thing that like I can sit in comfort with. I think that everything else is the is the things that people tell me about what women are supposed to look like. And that's where the beating of yourself up comes into play. Um, but I remind myself that everybody is different. Every woman is different, every woman looks different. And and and and also I again, it goes back to that circle. I have a circle of people who can see when I make that post or when I'm making that video, how I'm like maneuvering so that my shoulders look smaller, they can see me shrinking myself when we're in public, you know, or when I'm with my homegirls and we're out and I'm the tallest girl with them, and they see how I'm kind of like, you know, doing my best to look like the, you know, and my people are just like no ma'am.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely not, don't do that. Absolutely not. Like, why are you girl? Why, you know, see, you you could never be be with me and and do and and do no shit shit like that. You could never, baby.
SPEAKER_03:But over the years, I've I've stopped doing because I I there's a confidence that comes from having people that you know see you as you see yourself. It's it's one thing to be affirming to ourselves, it's one thing to speak life into ourselves. Everybody's talking about affirmation, affirmation, affirmation. Those self-affirmations are beautiful and they're great and they're awesome. But having people around you that remind you, like, hey, hey, I see that crown slipping, baby girl. We don't do that around here because I'm not, I ain't friends with ugly bitches, right? I ain't friends with bitches that's not confident. So if you unless you're telling me, like, are you are you trying to sell me something? You trying to tell, like, and I I have a group chat. Um, and and this group chat consists of uh two trans men and and one other trans girl, and these are my these are my brothers and my sister. And every now and then we got to get each other together. And you know, we we have to pull each other up uh about the floor sometimes. And having a husband who is like one of my husband's favorite lines is when I went to the wife store, I didn't ask them to give me the worst one that they had. I didn't ask for the budget version of a wife. I asked for the top of the top of the line, whichever version was gonna be best. So unless you telling me that I picked a cheap version of a wife, I don't, I don't, you know, I don't know what you're trying to say here. And you gotta Savannah.
SPEAKER_00:You can't Savannah.
SPEAKER_03:And so that that confirmed with my own ability to remind myself that what I do to to upkeep to make me feel good is enough. Whether the people on the outside are okay with that, whether it suits their fancy, whether they like the hair, whether they don't like the hair, whether they like the shoe or the fit, like that does not matter. Because before I left the house, I was like, oh, I feel good in this. Ooh, I look good in this. Ooh, I feel great about me. Whatever y'all got to say when I hit the streets ain't on me. That's a you thing. And reminding myself, yeah, I'm not gonna make it mine, and I'm not gonna make it a me thing.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, we have to stop asking the world for permission and be who the fuck we are. Be great. Stop the world in their face, stop letting the world write your story and remember that you are the one holding the pen. Yes, I've told y'all before that we are supposed to have main character energy at all times, but understand that the reason that you are the main character is because you are also the script writer. The reason that you are the main character in your story is because you are also the script writer. So you decide who you are supposed to be in your story. Nobody else can do that but you. So stop allowing this world or anybody else to hold that pen. That is in your hands. So now you have to choose what story you want to write for yourself for yourself, baby. It's just that now we have come to my favorite part of the show as Alethea, where you send in your questions to me, and we answer them live on the show. So the question for today is Alethea, I'm learning to accept my identity and my body, but I still catch myself trying to shrink, soften, or change to make other people comfortable. We just talked about this. And how do I stop trying to fit into somebody else's idea of me?
SPEAKER_03:Reminding people that everybody is in a search and everybody is in a competition to be exclusive. Everybody wants to be the one, the only one, the first one to do the thing, all of these different things, but everything exclusive goes on sale. If you don't know who you are as a person, if you are not sure of who you are as a person and you're basing who you are off of other people's market value, when they go on sale, so will you. But if you've priced yourself within your own lane, can't nobody come through and reprice your sticker when they feel like their value has been deflated ever. So reminding yourself that running your race will never leave you boxed in is the thing that I want you to leave this conversation with and go forth into your life. I run my own race, I make my own price, and you can never put me on sale because I right decide how much this costs over here, and you'll never be able to afford it.
SPEAKER_01:Baby, now if y'all hear me, if y'all hear me, regurgitate what hope just said. Just go and I'm going to tag you because honey, that that that shit right there was a mic drop moment, baby. Everything that is exclusive can go on sale. If they are on sale, then so are you. Yes. I hope that y'all out here taking notes because, baby, I am going to go and re-watch this over and over to get all these gems that you are dropping. What do you have that is coming up that we should know about, that we should get ready for, that we should be because because because I know that you got something come coming up. I do tell us, tell us.
SPEAKER_03:I do. So the one thing that I can tell you all about is I have a documentary. It's called Not Your Average Girl. Um yes, and that is gonna be coming out at the end of the month. We're shooting for August 22nd, but don't hold me because my videographer's like a little time. But yeah, but it'll definitely be out at the end of August, early September, definitely. We're doing smaller screenings. If you follow my Instagram, which is at Hope Disel, um you will be able to figure out. But we're doing small screenings in Atlanta, Miami, LA, and uh DC. Uh so we'll be popping through those cities and then we'll also be doing a virtual screening um soon, and those details will be out. But if you could support just by watching it, giving it a little thumbs up, I think that we're going to do the uh in-person tour first, and then we're gonna do a virtual screening via the YouTube because I want this to be available for a lot of people. I was talking to some folks about putting out the film festival circuit, but the way that the politics work around that, I'm just not necessarily sure that I want to lean into it. So I think that making it free and for the people is more of the lane that I want to go. So that's something that I'm really, really excited about, um, as well as the fact that I'm gonna be partnering up with NMAC uh to do a lot of research around HIV and AIDS. Um and so y'all will be seeing me uh do a lot of different work with the HIV and AIDS community. Uh, I'll be at the USCHA conference in Washington, DC from September 4th to September 7th. So if you want to come out and see me there, that would be awesome and amazing. Um and there's something else that I know I'm forgetting, but there's a couple of bookings coming up. And if you follow my Instagram andor uh go to my website, you'll be able to see all of those things. And it's just hope jazzelle.com. Um, you'll be able to see where I'm gonna be, what's coming up, what's happening. You'll also be able to purchase my books and there's there's merch um on there and all of that jazz. But just know I am I'm around. The girl is I'm I'm I'm flopping and bopping and doing the things and just really excited to share all of those things with y'all.
SPEAKER_01:I always like to end my shows with something called pass it on. And a lot of my followers are LGBTQ. Um a lot of them are also trans and women. Yeah, and I know that somebody somewhere is watching this, and you are their uh Shiro. Like you, you are the person that they look up to and aspire to be. If you can go back, before how does that even make you feel to hear that? Because I'm I'm look looking at you and like you you just take taking this all in, like, yeah, this this is me. How does that make you feel?
SPEAKER_03:It's still surreal when when the kids come up to, and not even just the kids, like I have elders that come up to me like, girl, you know, you are doing it, you know, and you know, people that are inspired by me, that are older than me, and people that are just I I'm I'm grateful because there was a time in my career where all I wanted to do was to be the voice that I didn't have growing up. And now I feel like I've become somewhat of that thing that I've been seeking to be, and and I never want to lose myself in that. And so it just feels good to take it in and not let it sit over me or sit on me like some sort of cape that I get to wear and walk around like, yeah, of course you bitches are inspired by me, right? And so I always want to ingest it so that it lives within me and it doesn't live on me, and I don't feel like it's a thing that I can put on and take off to make other people feel away. And so if you see that, that that's just because I'm trying to, I'm trying to get as much of it inside so that I don't wear it like a cake, but that I I I ingest it like medicine to remind me of why I'm doing this.
SPEAKER_01:If you had a message that you would pass on to the younger version of yourself, that version of yourself that was in college, that was ready to jump, that version of yourself that they tried to cast out and make you feel like you had to be a certain type of way, that version of yourself that did not know who she would become. What would you say to that younger version of yourself? And I need you to close your eyes and just envision him right now. Talk to him as you right now, talk to him as hope because I know that this message is going to inspire somebody else. So look at that young boy that was you and talk to him right now as hope.
SPEAKER_03:If you jump now, there's no going back. If you jump now, they win. If you jump now, it is all over, and you know, you know that there's something deeper than this moment. Take a breath, take some time to think about this, but we can't do it right here. I need you to pull back. I need you to take some time to really think about who you're trying to be, and this ain't gonna get you there. You know that. You know that you've got so much more to do, so many more people's lives to change. There is so much work that is coming, all the things that you have wanted, all the things that you desire, just know that those things will be yours. Everything that you are thinking about right now, that you believe is so impossible, that you think it's so far off. Just give it time. It is coming sooner than you think it is, and it is gonna come in more abundance than you've ever believed that you were worth, that you were deserving of. That love that you were seeking, that thing that you think don't exist for you, baby. He is coming. And he's not going to be ambiguous, he's gonna be black and he's going to love you openly. You are gonna have a family, you are going to travel the world with that family. You are going to break bridge with people from all different races, and they are going to love you for you. You will no longer have to hide who you are, and there are gonna be so many people that are inspired by you. But not if you sit here. You gotta get out of this window.
SPEAKER_01:You got out of the window. You got out of the window. Girl, let let's let that go. This this this you you needed to release this, like you need to release this. Because you got out of the window. And there's so many people that's still on that ledge. And what you said just now, you may have just saved a life. Oh Jesus. Thank you from the the bottom of my heart for not jumping. Because I wouldn't know you and you wouldn't have inspired me. So thank you for being who you are. Thank you for saving yourself. Because in saving yourself, you save so many other lives. So I love you for exactly who you are.
SPEAKER_03:I love you back. I need you to also know, like you, we, we had our moment already in the DM. Like your content has been content that has picked me up on days when I was like, you know, I ain't got it. I don't have it today. I don't have the positivity today. I don't have the, and I scroll and I come across one of them videos like, yes, you do. You know, and it it it it it is that friendly reminder from family that ain't your family. These parasocial relationships, they can be toxic, but some of them are some of the most positive relationships you're gonna have when you when you when you see that alethea video right on time. When you when you and there have been so many days that I've seen the alethea video right on time. And I know that some of those days you weren't talking to us. You turned that camera on for you. You turned that camera on for you. I I I those I felt those messages too. Like that ain't for me, but thank you for sharing. Thank you, you know. And and I I even for being in a space of in a in a room where so many people lean on the negativity and and the clickbait, having a platform built on uplifting other people as you climb yourself, not too many people can do that, especially as they're going through their own storm. So thank you.
SPEAKER_01:And I love you too, but just who you are. Thank you for like you're the first you're the first person to actually see that. Like usually I have to tell people that. But you're the first person ever that actually saw and said out loud. I I know that some some of those videos weren't for me, they were for you. But I mean, thank you. But I but but I know that I I look looked in your eyes and knew that you you you were talking talking to you, and you are exactly right because of what what what you are watching is me healing in real time. Facts, and I'm still healing every day, so that's why I do what I do. So not so not only can I heal others, I can heal myself. I'm healing right now as I'm talking to you. See now and my my my makeup look too good, right?
SPEAKER_00:We're not doing it.
SPEAKER_01:No flitter, no flitter, snap back, snap back. Whoo, okay. All right, hope. Thank you.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you so much for being on this show. Like you have shown us that living out loud isn't just a choice, like it's not a choice, it is a necessity. Like that is something that we have to do. Like you taught us that the people who matter will meet you where you are. You don't have to go and find them. And the the ones who don't, hashtag FTP, fuck them people and continue to live your life. Thank you for riding shotgun in the passenger seat today, y'all. Listen, if this has touched you in any type of way, like I know it has, because it has touched me, like I'm trying not to let my eyes, you know, because I look so cute. But if you out here bawling right now, if this is for you or somebody that you know, like, comment, share, keep this going, know that I love you, know that you can be exactly who you were meant to be. You do not have to try to be anybody else, you do not have to fit in a box to appease people that you that don't mean anything. They are irrelevant to your life. The best thing that you could possibly be in this world is yourself. So go out there and be exactly that. Be great in your own face, then turn around, be extraordinary in theirs. Till next time you have a good day on purpose.