In today’s episode I speak with my girlfriend Emily on internal fulfillment, authenticity in life and in relationships and becoming who you want to be. We discuss my initial dislike of authenticity, how authenticity can often create a fear of being inauthentic, using intensity and directness as a tool for getting what you want, living in alignment and being unaffected by external validation.
We also speak about consciously choosing how you show up in the world, taking control of your energy and energizing versus depleting experiences.
Connect with Flynn:
Connect with Emily:
Submit your written reviews to THIS form to be entered into a giveaway to win a 30 min session with me! We'll pull 1 winner at the end of the month.
In today’s episode I speak with my girlfriend Emily on internal fulfillment, authenticity in life and in relationships and becoming who you want to be. We discuss my initial dislike of authenticity, how authenticity can often create a fear of being inauthentic, using intensity and directness as a tool for getting what you want, living in alignment and being unaffected by external validation.
We also speak about consciously choosing how you show up in the world, taking control of your energy and energizing versus depleting experiences.
Connect with Flynn:
Connect with Emily:
Submit your written reviews to THIS form to be entered into a giveaway to win a 30 min session with me! We'll pull 1 winner at the end of the month.
[00:00:00] Flynn Skidmore: Hello, and welcome to the Flynn Skidmore podcast. My goal is to help you become exactly who you want to be. We're here to help you take your biggest, boldest, most beautiful vision for life. And turn that vision into reality. Welcome back to the Flynn Skidmore podcast. Today, I am here with a very special person.
[00:00:29] Flynn Skidmore: One of your favorite people to be on the podcast, my business partner, my best friend, my confidant. My girlfriend, Emily Sudlow. Today we are unpacking authenticity, a word I used to hate and now love. You're going to hear some hot takes on how authenticity applies to confidence at a party, how it applies to dating.
[00:00:51] Flynn Skidmore: I can't wait for you to listen. Emily, thanks so much. We are back in LA and kind of [00:01:00] the, the main motif. Of our life, the main thing that we've been speaking about when we're speaking about dating and relationships and even when we're watching movies, the main motif is authenticity and it keeps
[00:01:15] Emily Sudlow: coming up.
[00:01:15] Emily Sudlow: It keeps coming up often.
[00:01:18] Flynn Skidmore: So let me just say, can I share a little bit about my, the evolution of my relationship with authenticity? Please. Okay, well, if you know me. You know, I am picky and I have, and I'm specific and I have my opinions and they change. And
[00:01:37] Emily Sudlow: they change often enough where he can like use them against himself.
[00:01:42] Flynn Skidmore: Yeah, it's like, like I can use them against last week's version of myself. Yes, exactly. And I just want to say as like an overarching practice, I am fiercely passionate about my opinions while also knowing that they'll probably change. Thank you. So not like Yeah, you
[00:01:59] Emily Sudlow: do [00:02:00] own that. Right. It's a very in the moment, but tell them about Okay.
[00:02:03] Flynn Skidmore: So authenticity. I used to hate authenticity, the word authenticity. I've even made content like deconstructing the
[00:02:13] Emily Sudlow: like It was so intense that I've like stopped using the word authentic. Yeah. Because it felt
[00:02:19] Flynn Skidmore: like fake. Yeah. It was like, like, like, like I thought you were harming, like a betrayal of me if you use the word.
[00:02:28] Flynn Skidmore: Yeah. So, okay. Here's why I hated authenticity. When I was in my late teens, early twenties and starting to do the thing of like spirituality and understanding myself, the thing that all these different spiritual teachers kept talking about was authenticity. How authenticity is the thing. And that I understood that idea, you know, the idea like [00:03:00] be yourself, it's what it did was it set me up to judge and to hate what I thought was inauthentic.
[00:03:10] Flynn Skidmore: So I'd be at a party or with people and I would be terrified of being inauthentic. Desperate to be authentic, judging, criticizing any ounce of anything in me that even smelled like inauthenticity, which of course made me inauthentic. It made me like rigid and wanting to be like, perform like, like. Being at a bar alone and like writing and hoping that a hot girl would see me like, and this time
[00:03:40] Emily Sudlow: Flynn was there was a moment in his life that he chose berets and cigarettes as an accessory, but it's also, please,
[00:03:49] Flynn Skidmore: please, I'm not expanding.
[00:03:51] Flynn Skidmore: Please redact
[00:03:53] Emily Sudlow: berets. I will not redact. But it's so interesting because also that part of authenticity [00:04:00] is then So angry that the insecurity is authentic like that's coming
[00:04:05] Flynn Skidmore: up. Like, okay, meaning, meaning That's a
[00:04:10] Emily Sudlow: part of you. Right. That's who you are, but then it comes with immense shame and frustration.
[00:04:15] Flynn Skidmore: Exactly. And that's the problem with authenticity is that normally the way that it's framed is that it's It's these things. It's supposed to be these things. And if you're
[00:04:25] Emily Sudlow: authentic, it's light and authenticity never covers the darker
[00:04:29] Flynn Skidmore: parts. Exactly. It's your, if you're uncomfortable, then, oh, I must not be being authentic right now.
[00:04:35] Flynn Skidmore: And right. That's the point you're making. So. I ended up hating it because not only did it, was that frustrating in my own experience, but I see that in people all the time. Like be authentic. And then I'm like, Oh, well, how do you, what is authenticity and how do you teach people to be authentic? And if you're being authentic, how do you know?
[00:04:57] Flynn Skidmore: And then people's answers are, they just run in [00:05:00] circles of like, you're just being yourself. And it's the truest intuitive God given. And like, and I just don't like that. Right.
[00:05:07] Emily Sudlow: Okay. So what's your relationship with it
[00:05:10] Flynn Skidmore: now? so Okay, which is really interesting. I've been feeling this bubbling evolution of it And I've been like saying it more and with clients.
[00:05:19] Flynn Skidmore: I'll be like, I'm just gonna say it. Okay We'll just use it as shorthand. You know what I mean? And I've been saying it more and more and more And then I saw this, and now you're feeling it. And now I'm feeling it. I like it. Now you're authentic. I'm reclaiming authenticity. I'm loving it. So I saw a TikTok new tattoo coming soon.
[00:05:38] Flynn Skidmore: New tattoo coming soon. Authentic, like across the throat.
[00:05:45] Flynn Skidmore: So, um, I saw you saw a TikTok. I saw a TikTok the other day and it was this, this woman who was speaking about and that okay. She was like research was done measuring the frequencies coming off of bodies now. [00:06:00] I haven't read the paper I don't I don't know what methods they were using. I don't know how legitimate the study is, but it does Sometimes when people are quoting research it doesn't matter to me how legitimate the study is because it's just material to reflect on so You know, we can like talk about this and see if any of this rings true for us.
[00:06:21] Flynn Skidmore: So they're saying like this, this tool that they were using to measure frequencies coming off of people's bodies is sense enough to make a distinction between despair and anger. Right? So it's picking up on those things accurately. And there's like, well, so what do you think is the most powerful, potent, uh, frequency, what's the most powerful state that magnetic state anyone can be in?
[00:06:45] Flynn Skidmore: And most people are like love, bliss, like that's it's love and bliss, which are beautiful things, which is like, but that's actually not it. It's authenticity. And I was like, how do you measure authenticity? Like, what, what is that? And [00:07:00] then she was describing that, like, whatever this frequency of authenticity is, is when a person is being super truthful about who they are and what they believe and owning their experience and.
[00:07:16] Flynn Skidmore: I really like that definition of, of authenticity. Um, and I've even noticed, and it's interesting to hear that tick tock because I've even noticed myself recently, like kind of not thinking that love is the answer to everything. Like not everything needs to be loved. Like what if a better version of things?
[00:07:38] Flynn Skidmore: What if a more. Effective version of creating things in this world is actually whatever that thing that we're calling authenticity is, which I've learned from you because when we first started working together, I was kind of like, no, Emily, like only love, warmth, and kindness will produce the results we want.
[00:07:58] Flynn Skidmore: And you're like, bitch, [00:08:00] no, I was,
[00:08:00] Emily Sudlow: I was scolded. Yeah, my, I don't know if it's my work ethic or just like my background, but I was like, way more. Straightforward and blunt with communicating with people telling them. This is what I need. This is what I want Can you do this and Flynn would scold me and be like it can be love and light, please
[00:08:20] Flynn Skidmore: Please offer some nuance on the word scolding
[00:08:26] Emily Sudlow: He would playfully remind me but consistently enough, yeah
[00:08:30] Flynn Skidmore: I was triggered internally and faking being relaxed about it externally.
[00:08:34] Flynn Skidmore: Yeah, like your
[00:08:35] Emily Sudlow: body temperature was rising. Like you can always tell when Flint, and this is what I mean by scolding, you can always tell when he's like trying to connect lovingly and give advice because his eyes get like really dialing in. And he's like fixating.
[00:08:52] Emily Sudlow: You can feel it. But anyways, it was so interesting because the first six, seven months of us working together, we've been working together Almost a [00:09:00] year now. I really put effort in trying to be like kind and like almost more like silly and loving with people that we worked with in different environments.
[00:09:10] Emily Sudlow: And the truth is, is that my communication style, especially in a working relationship to get the outcome that I want. Is more to the point and just needing what we need and kind of skipping the fluff and it did end up kind of coming full circle where that would have been a better outcome for us to be able to get what we needed and work with these people in a way that was mutually beneficial to everyone,
[00:09:36] Flynn Skidmore: meaning if, if we had integrated that tool, cause I was, I was record, let's call that a tool like direct, um, the worst version of it could be considered cold.
[00:09:51] Flynn Skidmore: Yeah. Direct cold communication. Uh, let's call that a tool. That's a tool that's available to us. I was [00:10:00] seeing that tool as ineffective or I don't even know if I thought of it as ineffective. It actually just made me uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable with it. Um, and now I think what we're seeing is that that's, that's a tool that we have available to us.
[00:10:14] Flynn Skidmore: It's part of our arsenal and we can integrate it and, and use it effectively in it. And it produces. Better results. I don't I don't think I haven't seen you use coldness at all, but you are super direct You know how to ask for what you need and
[00:10:32] Emily Sudlow: now with what you have taught me I'm able to do it in a way that still is packaged in love, which I think is the best outcome of everything.
[00:10:42] Flynn Skidmore: I think so, too. Now, do you remember the documentary that I watched that changed my perspective on direct, sharp communication? No, please enlighten me. Kobe Bryant.
[00:10:56] Emily Sudlow: Of course.
[00:10:58] Flynn Skidmore: Kobe Bryant. [00:11:00] And what did you learn? Okay, so Kobe Bryant, one of the greatest athletes of all time. One of the people in the world who's understood how to win more than anyone else.
[00:11:12] Flynn Skidmore: And I really like, I mean, I love sports. But I, but I also love studying athletes because the amount of creativity and response to pressure and greatness and like there are principles in what they do, just like there are principles in what Taylor Swift does, which is why actually Kobe Bryant says he listens to Taylor Swift in the, in the car, not because he likes her music, but because she is greatness.
[00:11:41] Flynn Skidmore: She is greatness embodied. So even if he doesn't, if his taste doesn't align with hers, when he's listening to her music, he's studying the principles of what she's doing and the people who do great things understand the principles that they're using that are contributing to their greatness and they're able to recognize it and study [00:12:00] it in other people.
[00:12:01] Flynn Skidmore: Right. So I just think that's beautiful. I love that. Um, now when watching the Kobe Bryant documentary, here's this really interesting thing that happened. He was a young, young bull, won a few championships, right? And then I think this thing, this thing happened where he started to emerge as the team leader.
[00:12:21] Flynn Skidmore: And when he emerged as the team leader for the Lakers, I guess, in the early two thousands, He started to, he, the, the first leadership style that he tried on was like lovey, like patting people on the back, arms around the shoulders and they started losing and he wasn't playing as well. The team wasn't playing as well.
[00:12:41] Flynn Skidmore: And then he had this moment. I don't remember exactly how he had this moment where he realized like, that's not who I am. Like I have a darkness in me and that's what makes me great. What makes me great is I'm able to tap into my, I'm more willing to tap into my darkness than anyone else [00:13:00] and use that as fuel to produce something great.
[00:13:03] Flynn Skidmore: I am going to create a team of 12 guys, I think like 11 besides him. I don't know. I'm going to create a team of 12 guys who are carbon copies of me who. Also tap into their anger and use it as fuel to tap into their darkness. And then they won a bunch of championships after that. And that's when he like really ascended into one of the greatest of all time.
[00:13:24] Flynn Skidmore: Now it's also, it's important to consider that that exists within the life of a guy who, um, was not convicted, but was charged with rape. So. It is important to see a holistic perspective of like that level of darkness, and I don't know the full story. I don't know what happened, but I also just want to say that because it's important to acknowledge that.
[00:13:53] Flynn Skidmore: But I walked away from that documentary really being like, fuck, I have been [00:14:00] thinking that darkness Is not the most valuable tool and that love is the most valuable tool. What does it look like if both are the most valuable? And
[00:14:10] Emily Sudlow: I think that's what it is. It's both. It's not one or the other. It's not leaning into coldness or darkness.
[00:14:16] Emily Sudlow: It's using the modalities of each one to be able to come to a conclusion that empowers you. Yes. As you always speak about.
[00:14:24] Flynn Skidmore: Yes. Yes. So tell me about how you, tell me about how you have been integrating both. Like what's it, what's it been like for you to be tapping into darker things about you while also being super loving?
[00:14:40] Emily Sudlow: I think it's a combination. And it's so interesting because before you ever pointed it out, I never saw A difference. I never thought I was tapping into both things. I was just showing up in the way that felt good to show up for me. And I think there's a level of intensity to me that can be [00:15:00] portrayed in certain business things.
[00:15:02] Emily Sudlow: And I think it played into the early stages of our relationship as well. And honestly, it does feel more authentic to just lean in to those areas. And I'm interested to hear about how Bye. Your version of authenticity and being authentic has evolved over our relationship and in previous relationships.
[00:15:23] Flynn Skidmore: Oh, man, well, even in hearing you say that, I'm, when I, when I watch, what movie did we watch last night? Burnt, I think it was called. Oh, yeah. Burnt. Yeah. Okay. So, so the Bradley Cooper movie where he's um, uh, maybe the best chef in the world. He's in Paris, gets really caught up in drugs and like addicted to sex and he blows it all up and he fucks all these people over and then he goes in New Orleans and shucks literally a million oysters in New Orleans as his like repentance for his sins.
[00:15:59] Flynn Skidmore: Then he comes [00:16:00] back and I'm and I'm watching him. Mm hmm. In the kitchen, Bradley and we'll talk about our appreciation for acting too in a second, but we're watching Bradley Cooper in the kitchen and this motherfucker is operating with an intensity like no other, right? And it's abusive. It is abusive and it's violent and it's and it's hurtful.
[00:16:24] Flynn Skidmore: And interestingly, it produces world class results, which is a very interesting thing. Um, and we see examples of that all the time. Um,
[00:16:34] Emily Sudlow: I also think it's important to point out that in these examples of people really embracing the darker parts of them or their boldness or their bluntness, oftentimes that is paired with a lack of internal fulfillment.
[00:16:48] Emily Sudlow: And so that is what's being played
[00:16:50] Flynn Skidmore: out. That is such a good point. That's such a
[00:16:53] Emily Sudlow: good point. Because that's not what I wanted to make super clear is that just choosing one of those [00:17:00] things or choosing both things is not the answer. The answer is connecting with what fulfills you and figuring out that
[00:17:09] Flynn Skidmore: formula.
[00:17:10] Flynn Skidmore: I, that is, that's such a good point because, because if, if so, cause, so when I'm watching Bradley Cooper and I see his intensity and I'm like, To be honest with you, that's how I feel. Now you have to taper it back. I have to taper it back a lot to like, because I do have people pleasing tendencies and that's probably the thing that gets triggered or activated when I see you being super direct and, and I can see how someone might be like scared of your communication or perceive it as cold.
[00:17:41] Flynn Skidmore: That triggers something in me, but the truth is, is that when I see that intensity and when I see it applied to creating something great, I'm intrigued. I am like, wow, I have that in me and I repress that. I don't want to scare people with it. I don't want to hurt people with it. [00:18:00] And I think that your, your point is so good because it is a weapon.
[00:18:07] Flynn Skidmore: It is violent when it's coming from a person who's not fulfilled. My guess, I think what you and I are both trying to create is a world where we and other people Are immensely fulfilled and get to use those things, those, those like intense things, not as weapons, but act, but just tools to build something, to build something beautiful.
[00:18:35] Flynn Skidmore: That is in a loving way that doesn't hurt anyone, but sometimes it makes people uncomfortable.
[00:18:41] Emily Sudlow: Exactly. And it's so interesting because hearing you recall that a moment ago, When you were talking about that level of intensity, you never once said, how does this make me feel? It was always about, it was about everyone else's experience.
[00:18:55] Emily Sudlow: So then it's shifting that to go from everyone else's experience to what [00:19:00] is my experience. Because if I'm showing up as the version of me that I want to show up as. Other people are going to have a better experience as well.
[00:19:08] Flynn Skidmore: So meaning I, I was always like, I was focused on their perception. And
[00:19:14] Emily Sudlow: just in this conversation, like playing that out is like, that's what it is.
[00:19:18] Emily Sudlow: But really, then you're not focusing on what feels good for you. Yeah.
[00:19:21] Flynn Skidmore: That, that makes a lot of sense. And I never asked you about that. I was, I, or maybe I did, but I don't really remember, but I didn't really, I wasn't taking an approach like. Is this who you want to be? Like, is this the thing that feels the best for you?
[00:19:38] Flynn Skidmore: And if you could snap your fingers and create an avatar of yourself, like as any version of you possible, would that avatar Be doing that it
[00:19:51] Emily Sudlow: uses the tools of that, but it is not that. Yeah That's why what whenever you offer advice or perspective? it's always so helpful because that [00:20:00] avatar or that version of me is someone that Is filled with love and warmth and so energizing and also really direct and asking for what they need And telling people what they want.
[00:20:11] Emily Sudlow: And so I do think that operating from a place of really direct coldness can also stem from insecurity, right? You're overcompensating to make sure you're taken seriously. And I think in previous work situationships and all of it, I had to kind of overcompensate, you know, be the girl in the room. And now it's like, Oh, I can be both.
[00:20:32] Emily Sudlow: I can. Do both in relationships and in work,
[00:20:36] Flynn Skidmore: I think one of one of the tools that I have available to me that the I'll talk about the worst expression of the tool, so I it's very, very easy for me to see. When something is fear based or with something is related to insecurity and I just put, I [00:21:00] put the pieces together really fast and, uh, I have a thing in me that's intense about like wanting, I want to wipe insecurity and fear clean, not necessarily because it's like it's, it's a bad thing, but it's just, it just, I just, it's not, it's like,
[00:21:19] Emily Sudlow: it's not.
[00:21:20] Emily Sudlow: So what happens then if that insecurity is a part of your authenticity?
[00:21:24] Flynn Skidmore: Exactly. Right, exact. So the question is, is like not cause, cause I think I've taken an approach where it's like, okay, we need to like heal that part of you who learned that your tenderness and your sweetness isn't, isn't effective and people might take advantage of it or hurt you or bully you for your tongue.
[00:21:47] Flynn Skidmore: You're like little Emmy girl, your little tenderness. Oh my God. Right. So like we got to heal that part of you. It may not be like, oh, heal that because then you can be [00:22:00] loving in your communication. It's, it may be more like, how do we use that fire? How do we use that fire that you have available to you in a way that you really like?
[00:22:12] Flynn Skidmore: In a way that you like, you get to create this version of you who does have this fire. And yes. This fire is connected to painful experiences, but like there's like some, some transformation that happens where it's, it, the fire is not about pain anymore, but it's about fulfillment, but you still get to use the fire
[00:22:35] Emily Sudlow: completely.
[00:22:35] Emily Sudlow: Let's talk about how. The fire and the authenticity shows up in dating and in love because I think it becomes really interesting. And also, especially, I mean, a little bit in our relationship and in the early stages of a lot of relationships or getting to know people, whether that's friends, romantic, there are parts of you that you often put down to appear [00:23:00] a certain way, right?
[00:23:01] Emily Sudlow: To connect, to make a connection the way that you want it to be. How do you think all of these components and tools play into relationships? What is there an answer? Like, is there a thing of, Hey, I'm really insecure on this date. I'm feeling this way. I actually am really anxiously attached. What, what point do you share that?
[00:23:25] Emily Sudlow: At what point do you shove it down?
[00:23:30] Flynn Skidmore: I think that there's a, the, the, the best way I love this question and I can't wait to dive in. And the, the best way for me to respond to this, the best way that I know how to is not. Responding directly to your question. So it's not like use your insecurity in the moment.
[00:23:51] Flynn Skidmore: I have, I am coming to find that the most important thing before [00:24:00] anyone tries to deal with their anxious attachment, before anyone tries to deal with any of that kind of stuff, before they're asking, do I really love this person? Am I in the right relationship? I believe that purpose is the most important thing.
[00:24:18] Flynn Skidmore: By far. And here's the standard that I hold myself to. I do not think that my opinions, perspective, questions are that valuable when I am not in my purpose. So if I'm the version of Flynn who's not in my purpose and I'm like, am I really in love with this person? Am I, how do I know if that's the right relationship?
[00:24:44] Flynn Skidmore: Do I need to move to Montana and just fly fish for the rest of my life? Like those, those things are not valuable to me because they're not questions being asked by a person who is in their purpose. Uh, questions being asked by a [00:25:00] person who's in their purpose. Those are fucking good questions. So. If I know that what I want to do is help millions of people, uh, or even a thousand people bring their potential to life, right?
[00:25:17] Flynn Skidmore: And, and I'm doing that like, and I'm, and I'm going to bed and I know that there's so much more that I could be doing, but I really. I am like maximizing what's possible. I'm, I'm using what my soul loves and I'm squeezing every ounce of juice that I have to offer something valuable to the world, something meaningful, something that contributes to the wellbeing of others.
[00:25:40] Flynn Skidmore: If I am in that place, then I get to ask questions about, is this relationship the right one for me? If not, when you and I met, let's just be real, you were major leagues. You might have been, you might have been like a second year player in the major leagues. [00:26:00] Okay. And I might have been single leg when we first met.
[00:26:06] Flynn Skidmore: I was, I was playing a little bit above my league. I think at least that's how I perceived it. Okay, go on. You, the way that I came into our relationship. Is that if you wanted, you could have a dude who is like 6'3 perfect body. Making millions of dollars a year, right? Like you could have and you could have that.
[00:26:35] Flynn Skidmore: I came in with a sense of purpose That was unmatched. No one can
[00:26:41] Emily Sudlow: compete. No one can compete with that and I also think it's so interesting to To talk about purpose because I feel like a few years ago like thinking like what is your purpose would have swallowed me whole but really it's just about It can be so much more simple than that, right?
[00:26:57] Emily Sudlow: It can be figuring out something you want, something that [00:27:00] fuels you throughout the day and focusing on that. Purpose doesn't have to be related to your career. It doesn't have to be, I'm making a million dollars this year. And I think that's the difference. And that's where I struggled was with thinking that purpose had to be this big thing.
[00:27:15] Emily Sudlow: Your purpose can be, I'm gonna show up today with so much warmth that every person on the street is gonna smile at me. Yes, yes. And it can be that
[00:27:23] Flynn Skidmore: simple. Yeah. And, okay, so when, when I met you, one of the first, when we were like texting before we ever met, I was, I was in bed in San Diego and we were chatting.
[00:27:33] Flynn Skidmore: Chatting, yes. And I was like, hoping for picks. Ew. Like what? . So we were chatting and and, um. I don't remember exactly how this happened, but we started to have a conversation about like the way that you want to travel the world and meet everyone with immense kindness. You want to like interact with all these [00:28:00] different people and you want to meet everyone with immense kindness and you want to dance and when you're dancing, you want to be like smile, like smiling from ear to ear and like.
[00:28:11] Flynn Skidmore: Contributing to everyone else's fun while dancing with Nona's in Italy, right? And when, when you said that to me, I was like, okay, that is the type of person I want to be with the person who has the desire to offer that sort of energy into a space and who has the skill to do it, who actually can do it.
[00:28:34] Flynn Skidmore: And
[00:28:34] Emily Sudlow: I think me saying that to was a practice of confidence because I'm someone that in earlier years of my life, that would be something that was like, even just like being big in a room was too much and felt overwhelming. But I actually remember, I think this was like. Almost a year ago, you told me something that has stuck with me and almost, I mean, I would attribute it to changing my life and I think more people need to hear it.
[00:28:59] Emily Sudlow: [00:29:00] We were at an event or at something with a lot of people and I was a little bit uncomfortable and you looked me dead in the eyes and you said to me, you can choose to be comfortable. Like you can just Pick you can just stop being uncomfortable. You actually get to decide. And I was like, Oh shit. He's right.
[00:29:17] Emily Sudlow: Like in my head, like when I'm 15 and I'm wanting to dance in a room and at a restaurant and like shut the restaurant down, that's like so uncomfortable, but you can actually just decide in that moment, like, Oh, I'm just going to be comfortable. We can walk into a room. You can walk into a date. You can just choose to
[00:29:35] Flynn Skidmore: be comfortable.
[00:29:36] Flynn Skidmore: Yes. You. So I explained it to a client like this recently, which. It was, this is a first draft, okay? This is a first draft explanation.
[00:29:48] Emily Sudlow: First draft explanation means eight minutes of wind talking.
[00:29:50] Flynn Skidmore: No, no, no, no, no. It's going to be condensed. It's just kind of corny. You're going to think it's corny. So, so, okay.
[00:29:57] Flynn Skidmore: You know how people, like with that thing, you can just [00:30:00] choose to be comfortable. And you've probably heard people say, like, tune your, you're, you're a radio antenna. Tune yourself to the frequency, um, that. That you want to experience. Okay. So think about, think about social media marketing. It's, it's what it generally is, is a fight for people's attention.
[00:30:20] Flynn Skidmore: Right. And like, like conscious masculinity bros are kind of competing with really attractive women who have only fans accounts. It's like a battle for attention. And obviously the super attractive women's are going to win out in that, in that fight. So fighting for attention. I think a lot of people, when they think about choosing to be comfortable or choosing to be confident or choosing to be relaxed or grounded, have this experience, like they have to fight for the attention of confidence.
[00:30:52] Flynn Skidmore: You have to fight for it. But here's how I think about it. Imagine like. Imagine there's a rainbow [00:31:00] that like is is moving its way to the top of your head, right? And this rainbow is it's like it's it's a there's a magnetic effect here. So it's being pulled into you and it stops at the top of your head.
[00:31:14] Flynn Skidmore: Right. Can you kind of picture that? So it like wants to get in you now on the rainbow. There are like, let's say seven different colors and we can consider those colors to be like energetic frequencies, shame to fear to, uh, calmness to joy to bliss to authenticity. Maybe if that's the most powerful. Right?
[00:31:35] Flynn Skidmore: The way that I think about it, in any given moment, any of those experiences on the rainbow are available. Most people are unconsciously tuning themselves in to listen to and receive the part, the part of the rainbow that's oriented towards shame or embarrassment or smallness, right? Since all of the pieces of the rainbow, [00:32:00] Skittles want to get in you equally.
[00:32:03] Flynn Skidmore: Shame wants to get into you just as much as love and bliss want to get into you. All you really have to do is just relax your body with the understanding that they're already making their way into you and just listen. Like, what does, what is comfort saying here? I wonder what comfort would do at this party.
[00:32:25] Flynn Skidmore: I wonder what confidence would do. I wonder what love or curiosity or joy would do. And you start to tune yourself to, to just giving permission to that part of the rainbow entering you. And the way that I think about it is like it enters through the top of your head, through your nervous system, it branches out into all of the electrical circuitry of your body, through your bloodstream, and it enters your body and it becomes you and it's then allowed to express itself through you.
[00:32:55] Flynn Skidmore: So then all of a sudden... Confidence is in your body [00:33:00] and it, and, and you just give it permission to express itself through you. How does confidence move? How does it speak? What images is it seeing? What's it thinking about? How's it approaching people? And you just become a vessel through which confidence gets to express itself.
[00:33:15] Flynn Skidmore: So when I'm saying like you can choose to be comfortable, that's what I'm talking
[00:33:19] Emily Sudlow: about. I can feel that in my body too, as you're saying it, like I'm visualizing the frequency and the energy and I can feel. Being lighter and more lifted. Yes. And I feel like that is a framework that you can take into any situation whether it's a self check in or a moment before bed actually being conscious of these things versus Passing through them subconsciously or unconsciously
[00:33:44] Flynn Skidmore: Exactly.
[00:33:44] Flynn Skidmore: And and the the thing that most people struggle with in life Is that what's happening in any given moment? There's a section of the rainbow that is like predominantly entering your body Most people are [00:34:00] unconsciously permitting shame and embarrassment and smallness to enter. So, if you're at a party and you, and, and you start, and like you're conditioning your association with being around a bunch of people who might be dressing fly and who might be judging you, you've got all these associations with like experiences of pain or whatever with that, you're gonna, you're gonna react and And pull that programming up.
[00:34:25] Flynn Skidmore: The programming makes a decision about which part of the rainbow gets led into your body. And then all of a sudden you're becoming, you're, you're devoted to shame. And if you're at that party and you're like being a meek version of yourself, it's not good or bad. It's just a devotion to shame. And it may not necessarily be what you want.
[00:34:45] Flynn Skidmore: And if you want something different, you can practice making a different choice and opening yourself up to receive whatever that. thing is and let it express itself
[00:34:54] Emily Sudlow: through you. I also think that plays into the physical experience of your body and someone's [00:35:00] body image and how you perceive yourself.
[00:35:02] Emily Sudlow: Like if we take ourself away from like the energetic component and focus on this is how my body looks in operating with levels of hatred or insecurity or frustration. I think those frequencies are also available to tune in at that physical level because at any moment you're able to see yourself. With a different energetic component that can also alter and match the physical.
[00:35:25] Flynn Skidmore: Yes I really really like that and as you were saying that I the the idea of Authenticity came up again. And what I'm thinking about is like, okay There's a version of life where you think that authenticity is confidence and the ashamed part of you isn't authentic and so therefore you judge the shame part of you as inauthentic or weak or whatever, right?
[00:35:54] Flynn Skidmore: Okay. Here's how I like to see it. If what we're doing [00:36:00] is choosing to open ourselves up to something like confidence or wonder, the question is, is the question is not how to try to ignore the parts of us who are experiencing shame and that that version of us. The question is, is I wonder how confidence would relate to shame if confidence were at this party with a little 14 year old girl in me who had all these experiences of being left out, how I wonder how confidence would relate to that version of me.
[00:36:35] Flynn Skidmore: How would confidence go about this party like with a responsibility for the well being of that shame part of me confidence? I know, I mean, I don't want to, uh, I don't want to project and speak like I know confidence, but I'm pretty familiar with confidence. And my experience of confidence is that confident would be like, we are the most confident [00:37:00] motherfuckers at this party.
[00:37:01] Flynn Skidmore: Grab my hand. I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks. We are dancing. You are dancing tonight and like takes that little girl's hand, gets her some punch, lets her drink a little, and then starts dancing and having fun. It's like, so to me, the authenticity is about how can you beat. All things. How can you be everything that you've ever experienced in one moment?
[00:37:25] Flynn Skidmore: You are everything you've ever experienced, and you're just making a choice about the energy that you want to experience it with and then using your experience at the party as a practice. Of relating to all of these different parts of you in a, in a way that aligns with who you want to be. So meaning if who you want to be is confident, then you are relating to all of these ashamed insecure parts of you as the confident version of you as an expression of confidence.
[00:37:52] Flynn Skidmore: I think this
[00:37:53] Emily Sudlow: also plays into something that you've spoken about and just talked about in the newsletter of [00:38:00] energizing versus depleting, right? Like also. We, I feel like through so much of the day, we go through our day just unconscious and letting the world happen to us versus us happening to the world.
[00:38:10] Emily Sudlow: I'm saying that from experience,
[00:38:12] Flynn Skidmore: can you, can you, um, so if, if someone is letting the world happen to them and another person is, um, what's the thing that you said? Happening to the world happening to the world. What's what's how does a person know if they're letting the world happen to them? And how does a person know if they are happening to the world?
[00:38:31] Flynn Skidmore: I think I
[00:38:31] Emily Sudlow: can only, I mean, obviously I can only speak from my experience, but if the world's happening to me, my energy. Isn't as infectious something bad happens. It's more of an energy of course like a classic like of course has happened to me Versus when i'm happening to the world i'm showing up to any situation whether it's the car wash or grabbing a coffee with the most me Happy joyous bold energy of all time.
[00:38:58] Emily Sudlow: And so I Think [00:39:00] choosing to plug in and be conscious throughout your day and make the decision. And you can elaborate on this of, is this energizing me? Am I showing up as confident? Am I being this is such a helpful switch and it is so much more aligned with living in your purpose, even if you don't know what your purpose is.
[00:39:18] Flynn Skidmore: Yes, I love that you're bringing it back to purpose here because the truth, like the examples that I gave about purpose are like, I can't even like help a million people or help a thousand people. And those things are cool and valuable and like measurable. They may just be my, and a lot of other people want to help that amount of people, but they may just be my unique thing.
[00:39:50] Flynn Skidmore: It doesn't, being in your purpose doesn't necessarily mean like helping a certain number of people. It does mean helping people. But I think what, what I'm [00:40:00] hearing you say is that the fundamental piece of purpose, like what happens before purpose can happen is that you choose to live your life in a way of like, I am going to invest in my.
[00:40:15] Flynn Skidmore: Energy. I am going to be super clear and evaluate the things that I do, the things that I think, the things that I say, and I'm going to notice what depletes me, what kills me and what decays me and I'm going to notice what gives me life and I am going to, and I am committed to spending the rest of my life learning about that and investing more.
[00:40:40] Flynn Skidmore: Into the things that give me life and I'm just, I know I'm going to do that forever and it's put in simpler terms. I'm going to spend my life feeling good and feeling better and better and better and better and better as the years go on. Like that is the fundamental piece. A lot of people desire that.
[00:40:55] Flynn Skidmore: Like I'm sure a lot of people hearing this would be like, yes, like, yeah, I've, I've thought about [00:41:00] that. I want that, but not that many people sit themselves down and say, okay, we're done. I depleting anymore from here on out. It is. energizing and nourishment only. And there's
[00:41:13] Emily Sudlow: such an accountability piece to that.
[00:41:15] Emily Sudlow: And I know you've spoken as, you know, you need to be able to check in with yourself, like whether it's every two hours or every day, like it's not just a decision where you're like, I'm living in my purpose. I'm consciously choosing this. It's having to remind yourself because for me personally, I can wake up in the morning and say, I'm going to do that.
[00:41:32] Emily Sudlow: And then six hours later, you know, that is like the last thing in your mind and you might be operating with a different energy and energy that doesn't align and it's just subconsciously slipped into your day. So it's a constant pattern of being able to check yourself and being the most humble and saying, Wow.
[00:41:49] Emily Sudlow: Humble to yourself and your own ego of being, this isn't what I want. That wasn't
[00:41:53] Flynn Skidmore: sick. Yes. Yes. Yeah. It, it requires immense humility and immense [00:42:00] honesty. A lot of people operate in the space of like thinking, like they, they operate in the space of words. Like I, Like, I don't owe him anything. I don't know.
[00:42:12] Flynn Skidmore: And then they do that thing where they don't owe him anything and are using that to convince themselves and other people that they don't have to change anything about their behavior. That's fine. But that that awareness just exists on the level of words and action. It doesn't exist on the level of energy.
[00:42:30] Flynn Skidmore: The truth is the thing that you're doing when you're saying I don't know him shit. I don't have to talk to him. That actually might be depleting you. I So it's not that it's good or bad. It's just, is that depleting you? And if it is depleting you, well, okay, that's just you not holding yourself accountable to giving yourself energy, which is not good or bad.
[00:42:50] Flynn Skidmore: You just get to make that choice. And I think
[00:42:52] Emily Sudlow: that plays into the rules of life and the rules of dating, right? Like, you're not supposed to do this. Like, don't do that. Like, that's just [00:43:00] kind of how things are. If that's depleting you, then your energy's off. And guess what's more unattractive to the world or someone is that.
[00:43:08] Emily Sudlow: You're depleting your own self versus following or not following the rules of life or
[00:43:13] Flynn Skidmore: dating a million motherfucking percent a million percent. This is how I see it. It's as simple as possible we whether consciously or unconsciously are always evaluating the amount of energy that a person has access to in the most basic of terms.
[00:43:33] Flynn Skidmore: That means the resources they have access to the money, the Lambo that's least, uh, right. That that's one level of energy and resources. I think the, the, the level of resources that. Actually matter is what we're picking up on in terms of each other's internal resources. Is this person abundant with energy [00:44:00] and, and love and confidence and authenticity.
[00:44:03] Flynn Skidmore: If they are, and I'm picking up on that, then I need to be near them because that's what humans do is gravitate towards other humans who have access to resources. But what we're talking about here is internal resources. And to be honest with you. That's how I had the confidence to be like emily sudlow is going to be my wife the first day that we met She's on raya swiping right or whatever you do on raya, right with least lambos It doesn't matter because i'm coming in with immense internal energy and I know that that's going to be attractive to
[00:44:36] Emily Sudlow: her I think we both brought that an energy of this is me like not even take it or leave it but like I'm not offended if you leave it because I think often this like take it or leave it like, you know, But like you're triggered when they don't choose you or life doesn't choose you and it's like no, I'm detached I'm unaffected because this is me and I am okay with that and I'm so stoked about that Yes, and I [00:45:00] think that is the energy like I'm picturing the rainbow again, right?
[00:45:03] Emily Sudlow: You're tuning into it. That Frequency is so attractive That of course the Red Sea parts and everything happens the way you desire the Red
[00:45:14] Flynn Skidmore: Sea needs to part the party wants you to be at it more than you want to be at the party because you bring
[00:45:20] Emily Sudlow: the best energy that Flynn says often and I think that's something that you can take into your day, whether that's, you know.
[00:45:27] Emily Sudlow: I'm thinking of other examples of party or like,
[00:45:29] Flynn Skidmore: I love that you're doing the takeaways. The takeaways. Yeah. You're summarizing. I'm summarizing. Your AI takeaway. I
[00:45:35] Emily Sudlow: am AI chat GBT in the takeaways because I have to do because you have so many pieces of information where I'm like, this is so valuable. And that's the thing is like, it always comes down to, and you tell me this all the time, like you're happening to it.
[00:45:48] Emily Sudlow: It's not happening to you.
[00:45:51] Flynn Skidmore: Perfect. Amen. I love you. Say it confidently. I
[00:45:56] Emily Sudlow: love you. Thank you. You want to tell them
[00:45:59] Flynn Skidmore: how you said I [00:46:00] love you after like two weeks of knowing each other? I said I love you after And I held on for like eight months. After like four weeks. Emily held on strong for about two and a half months, and I just said it regularly.
[00:46:10] Flynn Skidmore: Regular, like on the phone. Texting,
[00:46:12] Emily Sudlow: love you. Love you, bye. And now I'm just like, thank you,
[00:46:14] Flynn Skidmore: goodbye. It wasn't like a once every six week thing. No, it was daily. It was, it was what normal life was. Yeah, yeah. I'm just so, so fortunate. To have a girlfriend who's also my best friend and business partner. We speak like this all day long.
[00:46:33] Flynn Skidmore: I don't know how she has the stamina and endurance to hear these things because I chat, but Emily is just here for me. She is here for it. I love her so much. I appreciate her so much. And I know that that came through in the conversation. It's so fun to be able to speak Emmy with you about these kinds of things.
[00:46:52] Flynn Skidmore: And I'm so glad that we can use our relationship to help other people. So thank you, Emmy. I love you. Thank you all for listening.[00:47:00]