Double-Bass and The Intermission
Three losers in a hot attic talking about shit that doesn't matter
Double-Bass and The Intermission
Oil!
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We drink all the milkshakes in this one
I'm Bruce Lee and I'm on Wang Chung all over the place. I don't know what I'm saying, but it's double bass, and you're about to get hit in the face.
SPEAKER_03Hi, I'm his co-host Jet Lee, and I'm gonna say this is my last movie 50 times. Damn, is he still doing movies? I probably. I think the last thing I saw him in was the Expendables.
SPEAKER_04I actually picked up like two Jet Lee movies like a month ago because they were like 20 years ago. A dollar for each.
SPEAKER_03What was the one where he had that like is Jet Li Chinese?
SPEAKER_04I'm assuming so, yeah. I think he's Chinese. I believe so.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so the reason I'd bring that up is I could have sworn they said his last movie was gonna be like he's in like ancient Hong Kong or some shit. He's got a lot of people. Yeah, they've been saying that.
SPEAKER_02They've been saying that shit for like the last time.
SPEAKER_03But I remember this is the first time I heard about it, and I was pumped as a kid. I'm like, wow.
SPEAKER_02Wow.
SPEAKER_03Not that I even really knew who Jet Lee was, but the fact that they said it was his last movie. I got it from Hollywood video as it was closing, and it was like all subtitles. I'm like, yeah, this is this is bad.
SPEAKER_04You're like, I don't know what's going on in this movie.
SPEAKER_03I'm sure adult me would look at that and say, it's pretty good.
SPEAKER_02It's bad, but in a good way.
SPEAKER_03You know me. I don't believe in bad in a good way.
SPEAKER_02Oh, is that Sephiroth? Yeah, it's Sephiroth.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, he's got a big old figure really. I gotta fix it because the box is like. For a second, I was like, is that Alucard?
SPEAKER_04I'm like, no, it's Sephiroth.
SPEAKER_00No, Acard. From Castlevania. They're both not not Helsing, no.
SPEAKER_04No. The superior one.
SPEAKER_03I think Sephiroth could take both of them.
SPEAKER_04I don't know. I don't know if I don't know. I don't know. He cuts dimensions. That's pretty neat.
SPEAKER_03I think that immediately defeats any vampire.
SPEAKER_04But you know. Uh Acard famously get trapped between dimensions and still comes out and eats motherfuckers.
SPEAKER_03Okay, well, if he's trapped in the dimension and he cuts the trap dimension, he's trapped in this. Yeah, he is like Koulabara. I'm pretty sure too he can like summon the moon.
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah, is that like his alt?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, he like does something.
SPEAKER_00Or no, isn't that clouds alt where he has like a meteor strike?
SPEAKER_03See, I think because I was watching uh everybody hated Death Battle. I remember watching. I used to like that shit. I'd still I peep in and see what they're doing from time to time. But um I remember uh they did V uh what the f why am I blank? Virgil from Devil May Cry. Uh yeah. Brandon, you should try the Devil May Cry series. It's it's crazy you had it. You can literally be you don't like those kind of games?
SPEAKER_04Nah, I don't really like it. I've tried it. Eh, it's not really me. Did you play three? I don't know which one I did. I think it was four.
SPEAKER_03Four was good. Yeah, you gave it your best shot.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I gave it my best shot.
SPEAKER_03I like four. I'm a big Nero defender.
SPEAKER_04I'm gonna play one of those games. I'm gonna do Metal Gear Solid uh Rising Revenge.
SPEAKER_03Why is why are the why are why is that the connection?
SPEAKER_04I don't know. They're both like the same error and both fucking ridiculous.
SPEAKER_03No, Metal Gear Solid is more, and somebody said this to me and it makes me really angry.
SPEAKER_04Rising Revenge?
SPEAKER_03No, Metal Gear Solid is a lot closer to like the Resident Evil franchise than you really think.
SPEAKER_04It's all spooky-wooky.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Did we talk about that on or off the pod?
SPEAKER_04I don't know.
SPEAKER_02Who cares?
SPEAKER_04I don't talk about anything.
SPEAKER_03You think people actually remember? We don't have a consistent upload schedule, so like people are gonna forget.
SPEAKER_04Do we have listeners that are consistent with them?
SPEAKER_03We have at least nine. We have at least nine listeners. Shout out to my boy in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Jason, we love you.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, what a bro, Jace.
SPEAKER_03This is the Jason. Uh this next tune goes out to you.
SPEAKER_04Can we call him JJ?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Gotta dance.
SPEAKER_03Uh sing with me as Bunny Party, baby. Um, what was I gonna say uh beforehand? We were talking about oh, Seth Rothbard. So that's the other thing is um Virgil in Devil May Cry, also a dimension cutter. Yeah, Yamoto, his sword.
SPEAKER_04Uh it seems pretty common with swordsmen and you know Japanese franchise.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I can only think name five. I can only think of three. Don't name any of the ones we said either.
SPEAKER_04No, I don't feel like it, because that's too much thinking for my brain.
SPEAKER_03You couldn't do it either.
SPEAKER_04I thought of two and they're both from uh FGR, and I'm like, no one's gonna know what I'm talking about anyway. That's true, we would have no clue. Yeah, I played way too much of that game in my late 20s.
SPEAKER_03So um I watch, I've been watching um watching Landman Season 2. Oh shit.
SPEAKER_04Getting your uh quota of fucking Billy Bob Thornton.
SPEAKER_03Well, here's the hilarious thing is Landman Season 2 isn't nearly as good as Landman Season 1. That's a shame. I know a lot of people are like people just can't decide if they like that show or not. Except for you, you love it. I do love it. It's literally a male soap opera. Yeah. Like I'm all fucking.
SPEAKER_02I feel like that's what a lot of these shows are now, like Yellowstone and that's all the same guys. Yeah, I can come on that.
SPEAKER_03Terry Taylor Shearer to whatever the fuck his name is. I don't know. I hear that Yellowstone was good and falls off.
SPEAKER_04I like the first season of Landman and I watched the spin-off of Yellowstone that had Harrison Ford in it, and that was me.
SPEAKER_03What's the show where Sylvester Stallone is the lead? Who knows, and who cares? I mean, who cares?
SPEAKER_04I did not know there was a show where Sylvester Stallone was.
SPEAKER_03I'm glad that he got like a Landman type show, and then Arnold Sportsenegger was on two and a half men. Good for him. That seems like a fair trade-off, in my humble opinion. I've uh so I sort of see uh Landman season two, you could see uh Billy Bob Thornton's erect penis covered by a sheet. There you go. Um what else happens? Not a lot. He hangs dong, but not much else. I wouldn't say not that much dong. I would say like in the in the universe of Landman, my penis is at least a little bit bigger than Billy Bob Thornton's.
SPEAKER_04That's good for you.
SPEAKER_03But I don't know about real life Billy Bob Thornton. I think they made it look a little shit.
SPEAKER_04It could be a fake penis. It usually is.
SPEAKER_03Would you want would you wanna I think that like um if I was an actor, would I have a prosthetic dick? Well, I absolutely would, but what what direction are you going?
SPEAKER_04Oh, I don't know. Probably about the same size.
SPEAKER_03Just keep them guessing. I want to switch it up.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I guess it would depend what character I'm playing. If the character's a real piece of shit, you know, maybe a little different.
SPEAKER_03Uh you're being you're uh in my Rob Schneider movie.
SPEAKER_04Uh yeah, you'll probably have a tiny dick if you're in a Rob Schneider movie. I feel like that's necessary.
SPEAKER_03Well, it's an A24 Rob Schneider film.
SPEAKER_04Uh, so it's a dramedy.
SPEAKER_03It is a hundred percent a dramedy, yeah. Absolutely. It's like a punch-drunk love meets fucking um I don't know, this one movie I heard about where this guy like gets addicted to huffing gas after his wife kills himself.
SPEAKER_02I don't remember the movie's called. Did you ever see the one this is completely random, though? Did you ever see the one Nicolas Cage movie where he does the like slap of God? No. I think it was called like mom and dad or some shit. I have not seen mom and dad yet.
SPEAKER_04They put Nicolas Cage in like Call of Duty. I saw an ad for that, like two or three.
SPEAKER_03Dude, I'm glad that look, I'm glad the world is recognizing that he's always been great. And look, uh there's only a couple of Nicolas Cage movies I've seen during my duration. By the way, I have 54 left. Um, that's really not considering he has 162.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you're two-thirds of the way there. Yeah, he's over yet. Jesus.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I've been doing it for three fucking years. It's a long run. Remember how long the Van Dam thing lasted? Like three, four years. Yeah. And the only reason I caught up to that is because he has he stopped making movies.
SPEAKER_04You lucked out. Yeah. Did you ever watch Van Dan Van Johnson?
SPEAKER_03Uh I have not, and I'm also behind on I didn't see Minions 2 Rise of Gru.
SPEAKER_04Oh, I forgot he's in Minions Grue.
SPEAKER_03He's in Minions 2 Rise of Grue.
SPEAKER_05Oh, okay. Don't act like you knew that. I did not know that. I was literally saying, What's the connection? That was the those were gonna be the next words out of my mouth.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so it was um I also I also checked out Primal Season 3, not gonna lie, bit of a stinker. Yeah, you really care about it.
SPEAKER_04You were mentioning it, you didn't really like it. Yeah, I didn't like it that much. But season three, the one with the zombies. Yes. See, I was having so much fun watching that weekly.
SPEAKER_03I was like, what kind of bullshit's gonna happen with the that season solely, in my opinion, came out based on the.
SPEAKER_04I like them slowly relearning how to be human. That was fun. That's fair, but I I also The weird battle arc with the vampire guys at the end was kind of stupid.
SPEAKER_03I I liked that the most, believe it or not. Where he's just chugging the black goo and going, making them more spear like that that figures that Josh would be like the thing with the vampire.
SPEAKER_05No, the price, you haven't even seen it, you can't even see it, but I I I just think it's funny.
SPEAKER_03Oh, what, because that Brando, look, Brando famously hate likes shitty things.
SPEAKER_04Oh, I love shitty things. No, it was just part of my.
SPEAKER_02Well, yeah. I liked it more.
SPEAKER_05Why do you think what why you think I gotta be malicious about it? I just thought it was funny.
SPEAKER_04Well, maybe you just see the worst in there. I'd like to expect the arc where they're fighting the guy where he gets the pterodactyl better.
SPEAKER_03So that's the same arc. And what I like about that literally, every single time, the minute he got that pterodactyl, I'm like, Spear has four fucking dinosaurs.
SPEAKER_04He's just got all the dinodes.
SPEAKER_03Four fucking dinosaurs.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you're like, this guy could take over a country.
SPEAKER_03I see yeah, I said I think I could uh we brought it up on the pod that I'm not so I'm not gonna bring it up again, but I think I could successfully take most state governments if I controlled four dinosaurs.
SPEAKER_04Just think next season, how many dinosaurs is he gonna have? Five. Yeah. That'd be six.
SPEAKER_03Six dinosaurs. No, because now I think I think solely season okay, so you the I pulled a pretty classic Josh move. I do this a lot. Where um kids didn't finish season two before jumping into season three. I got to the second to last episode and was like, oh, guess that's the last episode. And then just was like Well, didn't that didn't you do that with season one too? I did that with season, no, I did that with Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, I did that with a bunch of shit. I've done that a lot.
SPEAKER_05Oh yeah, so like you'll miss it.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I did it with Invincible, I just see Conquest.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you were just like what the fuck happened?
SPEAKER_03I literally, so like I'm watching season three and I'm like literally the best episode of the season. I was just like, wait, wait, hold up, hold up. When is Spear gonna fight this weird zombie? Wait, is this zombie Spear? And then I looked it up and it was like, yes, and I'm like, what the fuck? I'm not kidding you. Three episodes before I had to go back and finish up season two ended. Oh my god. Damn it. But um, let me check it out, Landman. Uh season two is not that great.
SPEAKER_04I watched um By the way, we gotta play the Invincible Fighting Game. I think that came out. 100%. I'm totally down. I think it's got uh Beastmaster or whatever his name is.
SPEAKER_03So he just wins. Battle Beast. Battle Beast. It's like when they do the one punch man fighting game. It's like, so Saitama just wins. He shouldn't even be a that would be a few. If they didn't even make him a playable character. That would be sick as fuck if you could.
SPEAKER_04Come on, I want to play as Battle Beast.
SPEAKER_03No, no, no. I'm talking about the One Punch Man fighting.
SPEAKER_04Oh no, yeah. He should he should be like a background event. He just swings by and if you get hit by him, you're dead.
SPEAKER_03He should be everybody's finisher. Or no, he should be only King's finisher. He just comes by and just serious punch while he's gonna be able to do it. Not even a serious punch, a a gentle breeze. Like fucks him up.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, he like barely ever does serious anything.
SPEAKER_03I've been watching uh I I started um I watched The Walking Dead for the first time. Oh I thought that show was boring as fuck. You know, here's the thing. That's another male soap opera. I think it's less of a male soap opera than than Landman. But I you know, I guess I guess you know I have a thing for things taking place in the South.
SPEAKER_04You definitely do. You do still romanticize the West.
SPEAKER_03I romanticize the shit out of the West. And the bayou, but I just know me personally. I don't want to go to the fucking bayou with the stuff. I will go to Louisiana after years of saying swamp in general. You don't need to add anything after swamp. It just sucks. There's no fruit there. There's swamp. That'd be a cool wish. That's what I wish if I could make blue raspberries real, that they grew in the swamp. They'd be swamp berries. Swamp berries. Fuck, that'd make me mad. They wouldn't call them blue raspberries real. They call them swamp berries. Fuck!
SPEAKER_04Yeah. So you're what hey, that's the monkey paw effect.
SPEAKER_03That is the monkey paw effect. And I'd have to be.
SPEAKER_04But would they taste like blue raspberry? Yeah. They'd be real blue raspberries. They'd just be swamp bearing. I would be called swamp berries.
SPEAKER_03And I would literally look like the equivalent of uh that that guy from that movie Iron Skies when they turn the black guy into a white guy with blue eyes, and he was like, I'm a black man. He's like, the moon Nazis are coming. That'd be me. It was like, swamp bears and blue raspberries. I wish for this. You gotta believe me. No one would. Maybe my closer friends, but behind my back.
SPEAKER_04That movie's hilarious. I love when the Nazis get his iPhone and they're like, there's so much computing power.
SPEAKER_03I like two things in that movie. I like that Sarah Palin's president, and I like that um every time they show the moon Nazi children uh the Great Dictator, they always just turn it off halfway through and be like, what a good movie.
SPEAKER_04Like, yeah, that was a good movie. What a great movie. It is a great movie.
SPEAKER_03You've never seen Iron Skies, have you, Bruce?
SPEAKER_04I have not. It's pretty good when they watch the speech in The Great Dictator and he's playing with the ball.
SPEAKER_03That's like that's where they turn the movie off. Yeah, I know. Oh. Maybe I forget how Iron Sky zones. Me too. It's been over 10 years since I've got it, so what the hell else? I got really mad at System Shock 2.
SPEAKER_04Yeah? Did it make you want to throw hands?
SPEAKER_03A little bit, man. A little bit. Like if I was just like, I I'm so glad I don't have a little kid running around.
SPEAKER_04You would have just beat him up. You would have been like, this is fucking System Shock.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Big, what do you mean Sony's not going to make physical media anymore? Josh Jr., get in here. It's like, what is it, Papa?
SPEAKER_04Like, if consoles aren't doing physical media anymore, there's no point. There's no point. Just get a gaming PC. You just buy a PC. It's going to be cheaper in the long run. So get Steam, and then you can actually own your games.
SPEAKER_03I kind of also get the little category of I don't think physical media is ever really going to go away.
SPEAKER_04I don't think so either, but physical gaming should still exist. This is stupid.
SPEAKER_00I mean, we did it with Sonic. We can bully a corporation into changing their minds again.
SPEAKER_03No, not this way. What's going to happen is they're going to do like a whole ass half a generation of no physical releases, and then like something like limited run games is going to like explode in even more popularity, and then they're going to start doing PlayStation Classics.
SPEAKER_04I could definitely see like third parties like just printing the actual physical cops.
SPEAKER_00Like Nintendo, I'm pretty sure they're like, they're not getting rid of physical media.
SPEAKER_03I've literally, yeah, Nintendo kicks ass in weird ways and also sucks in a lot of other ways. Do you ever lick one of those Switch cards? Oh, dude, I make everybody lick one who hasn't licked one. Bryce, have you licked a Switch card?
SPEAKER_05It's like super bitter, isn't it?
SPEAKER_03Have you licked one? I've done it. I think you might have made me do it. I probably think I did make you do it. Did I make you do it, Brando? I was probably one of the first.
SPEAKER_00Probably one of the first people you think I made Will do it.
SPEAKER_03I I'm definitely every time I make people do it. You know how I figured that out? I was switching game cartridges out and I popped it like in your mouth. Like bit on it a little bit, and then when I popped it, I was like, the fuck? This is terrible. So they started putting an antifreeze because they don't want us to realize how delicious it is. It is.
SPEAKER_00I would just drink it all the time.
SPEAKER_03Dude, if you like heard people who fucking work on it.
SPEAKER_00I would just drink a green Gatorade. I wouldn't drink anti-close.
SPEAKER_03I've heard that like people who work on cards that you get some anti-freeze in your mouth from time to time. They say, yo, it is like So good. Indescribably good.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, too bad it kills you.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, we gotta figure something out.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Me non. Don't ever do heroin. Me? Yes.
SPEAKER_03Why the fuck would I?
SPEAKER_04Because you'd fall in love with it the way you're describing antifreeze. You'd be like, man, I rode that dragon. That's the secret. You gotta inject the antifreeze into your eyeball.
SPEAKER_03Look, I'm gonna tell you something. As somebody, as the guy on the podcast who's done the most hard drugs, never had a problem. Oh, that was a little bit of a different story. I was gonna say. It's not a hard drug. I mean, elephants drink.
SPEAKER_00I mean, substance abuse.
SPEAKER_03Bats drink. Mooses get fucked up. What do they drink? Fermented apples. Yeah. Okay, because elephants deal with pumpkins. Usually they'll yeah, usually they'll eat from male. Also, like, what the fuck's a pumpkin doing?
SPEAKER_04Nothing.
SPEAKER_03What the fuck grows at the end of the year? It's like a gourd.
SPEAKER_04It is a gourd. It's a pumpkin.
SPEAKER_03I don't really. Is squash a gourd? Pumpkin's great. Squash is a gourd. It has to be. Basically. It's like they are this is the only marsupial we get in America possums. And they don't use their pouch for anything.
SPEAKER_04Um, there might be something else, but that's the only one I could make.
SPEAKER_03Should I not think a minute? Because also, I don't think Capabaras, no, that's a rodent. Yeah, and that's needed in America. You need a it's like that's what a marsupial is, right?
SPEAKER_04Probably, yeah. I believe it's something along those lines.
SPEAKER_03Then there's only like eight marsupials in the fucking world.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I mean, it seems kind of an inconvenient thing.
SPEAKER_03Well, I also think that amphibians are fucking wiping their asses. We got so many amphibians. We got at least 12 to 10.
SPEAKER_04I mean, they can live in two realms. Of course they're kicking.
SPEAKER_03I would like to be an amphibian, but then like imagine just like everything gets a little too dry.
SPEAKER_04And then you're just like, oh, there's no. You were right.
SPEAKER_05The Virginia possum is the only marsupial found north of Mexico. Take that bitch.
SPEAKER_03What do they got in Mexico? Yeah, what's in Mexico? What's a Mexican marsupial? Mexican marsupial. Sounds made up. Sounds like a band name. It does sound like a band name. Yeah, it's kind of like I was uh I was uh I was uh talking about all the cultures that have dragons, and I got mad because I found out that Puerto Rico doesn't have dragons.
SPEAKER_04Damn, Mexico's got a shit ton of them.
SPEAKER_03I know Puerto Rico has zero. And then I started thinking about like how shitty the Puerto Rican dragon would be. It'd be a flightless dragon that vomits some sort of mud cocoon for defense.
SPEAKER_00Okay. That's great.
SPEAKER_05In the Americas, marsupials are found throughout South America, primarily, excluding the Southern America.
SPEAKER_03What are we doing with North America, baby? I just told you.
SPEAKER_04You ask about South America, motherfucker. Yeah, just get to the marsupials. Get all the uh the bread. Let's get to the butter. Excluding the central, southern Andes, the parts of Patagonia, and through Central America and South uh with a spe with a single species. Well, it's better. Marsupials are they're not they don't even tell you what marsupials are. They don't those bastards.
SPEAKER_03So I guess there's no Mexican marsupials.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, we'll have to move on.
SPEAKER_03That'll be me and Brander's side project, Mexican marsupials. Yeah. I guess we need one Mexican in the band.
SPEAKER_04We could get Mexico and he's from Honduras.
SPEAKER_03That's that's where Carlos Mincia is from. Let's see what Carlos Mencia's up to. He's about to go to jail. We should see if he wants to be in a band.
SPEAKER_04Why is he going to jail?
SPEAKER_03Tax evasion.
SPEAKER_04That makes sense. He never paid for the rights to lower rider. That's it. That's George Lopez. Yeah, you're right. George Lopez.
SPEAKER_03Same realm. Like back then, there really was only like in Carlos Mencia's not even Mexican, he's Honduran. Um, have you ever seen that? See, I don't want to talk too much shit because I have full confidence we can get Carlos Mensi on the podcast.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I doubt that. I think we could. Okay, I think I found we'll get Carlos Mancy on.
SPEAKER_03Do you want me to message him right now, see if we'll come on the podcast? Carlos Mencion on the podcast. Five fucking reasons. Five reasons. Gabriel Iglesias.
SPEAKER_00You said fluffy?
SPEAKER_03There's no way we can get Gabriel Iglesias.
SPEAKER_05How are you fucking this up? You've got that wrong twice now. Jesus. Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_04I haven't thought about any of these Mexican comedians in like 50 years. I'm just fucking.
SPEAKER_03It's like, look, there's only like four famous Puerto Ricans I can name, including Frankie Muniz. Um Jennifer Lopez, Bad Bunny.
SPEAKER_02Um Willem Defoe. Willem Defoe's not Puerto Rican. Yeah, isn't he Irish? We claim him. We claim him.
SPEAKER_03Emilio Esteves. That's uh maybe. I don't know what Emilio Estevez is. I think he's Mexican. Anyway, Bryce, what are the marsupials?
SPEAKER_04Oh, okay. Now that you actually care. Yeah, we're we're on the topic of uh the grayish mouse opossum, an endemic species found primarily along the dry Pacific coast.
SPEAKER_03I don't respect anything that's also a possum.
SPEAKER_04They're all gonna be different types of things. Yeah, they're gonna be different. Probably not that different. I mean, this one's a gray mouse possum.
SPEAKER_03They're but all fucking possums are gray.
SPEAKER_04It's probably tiny.
SPEAKER_03Maybe that's true. That's why it's a mouse possum. Maybe it's cute. Alright, Bryce. Are they all possums? They're all possums. I knew it. So I stand by my point that the possum is the only marsupial in all of the American.
SPEAKER_00But they're different species. Barely. It's like snakes. They're all the same snake. You asked me to do a thing and you don't even fucking care about it. I care immensely.
SPEAKER_05Well then why are you filibustering when I fucking tell you the thing? What?
SPEAKER_01You're gonna read it on the code.
SPEAKER_05I told you one thing and you didn't let me finish.
SPEAKER_03Because you're gonna just say different variants. You're gonna be the leather couch possum of Honduran. Yeah, you could have a big thing.
SPEAKER_00You asked me to do the thing and then you don't want me to tell you the fucking thing.
SPEAKER_03That's the Mexican possum of Sunday. Alright, fine. I'm not gonna tell you. We were just telling you to skip the bread and get to the butter. You could have just said possum.
SPEAKER_04I guess. Yeah, do whatever you need, man.
SPEAKER_03Make yourself feel better.
SPEAKER_04Derby's woolly possum. I wonder what that one is. A stunning arboreal marsupial spotted in the humid high canopy forests of central and southern Mexico, such as Veracruz and Oxaca.
SPEAKER_03I'm gonna see a picture of the mouse possum. Does a boreal mean it it's a boring creature of some sort?
SPEAKER_04Arboreal. It climbs in trees.
SPEAKER_03I see. I see. What's your guys' favorite kind of tree?
SPEAKER_04Hmm, that's a good question. There's so many good ones.
SPEAKER_03I got mine right off the dome, locking loaded.
SPEAKER_04Maybe weeping willow, cherry blossom, or sequoia redwood.
SPEAKER_03I say palm tree because it's a weird-looking tree.
SPEAKER_04Japanese maples are pretty pretty. There you go.
SPEAKER_03Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_04You wanted to see the Derby Willy Possum? It said it was uh exquisite or some bullshit.
SPEAKER_03Nah, they may they they're just plumping it up.
SPEAKER_04There's that dude. It's kind of cute. I wouldn't know him. I mean, it's a possum. Look at those fucked up fingers.
SPEAKER_05How charming are you expecting a possum to look?
SPEAKER_04That's what a nice coat of fur.
SPEAKER_03If I was if I had a pet possum, I would build a little. Yeah, that one's uglier than our possums. Our possums are cuter. But you know what I would say? If I if I if I had a pet possum, I would build some sort of uh rod system next to my bed so it could sleep upside down next to me. Oh, they sleep upside down? Yeah. And also I don't even know why they have a pouch because the babies go on their back. Which also seems like a horrible, horrible defense mechanism.
SPEAKER_04Why I have the pouch.
SPEAKER_03That's what I'm saying. What do they even fucking use it for?
SPEAKER_04Maybe they have some chill on the pouch and some in their back. Because they get a lot of kids. And that's just like born for the first like two days.
SPEAKER_03A good way to tell.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you gotta keep them in the pouch for a while.
SPEAKER_03I think a good way to tell how many animals an animal can have is based off the ratio of nipples. I'm not making that up.
SPEAKER_00No, that's true.
SPEAKER_03That is true. That's why it's supposed to be t uh times two per nipple. So that's why chicks have two tits. Uh-huh. Because you always have two just in case there's two. In case there's two.
SPEAKER_04So like if you're average in total recall with three three boobs.
SPEAKER_03Well, we don't know what she is. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I think she was an alien. I think she's from like Mars.
SPEAKER_03Because I think that's why, like, if you have like a dog or some shit, and the dog has like six puppies normally, it'll have like eight nipples.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so they just in case.
SPEAKER_04So there's a tit for tat.
SPEAKER_03I like that evolution. How long do you think it took them to figure that out?
SPEAKER_04I don't know. Probably pretty early. I don't think so. Evolution? Probably a couple tens of thousands of. I mean, pretty early in the scheme of evolution, not millions of years. Tens of thousands is a very good thing.
SPEAKER_02No, it was probably millions of years. It had to at least be like it was probably millions of tits.
SPEAKER_03There had to be at least be seven species we didn't even know existed with one tit before they figured out the two-tit system. Maybe.
SPEAKER_04Maybe they just skipped right to two-tit. I don't think so. Maybe they skipped to twelve tit and they're like, oh, there's too many tit.
SPEAKER_03We gotta go back. So how do fish feed their kids? Do they just say fuck them? Turtles are terrible parents.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty sure they just say fuck them. Yeah, this is why I don't respect sea life. A lot of yeah, a lot of fish I think like salmon just like lay their earth. We should shine and then they're like, you're on your own. Yeah, fish it out. Yeah, figure it out.
SPEAKER_03Uh-oh. Yeah, that's why I don't respect sea life. They're terrible parents, and all the smartest creatures are the dumbest evolved species, in my opinion.
SPEAKER_04And they're all dicks.
SPEAKER_03They're all dicks, too. And a bit and a little rapey, too.
SPEAKER_05I mean, dolphins, yeah, dolphins suck, but dolphins don't work as sharks just want to be left alone. They just like they're just like, I'm just doing my own thing.
SPEAKER_03No, man, they they fucking they fucking can't stop moving or they'll die.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, which does I mean that doesn't mean they antagonize you unless you're like a sea lion.
SPEAKER_03As as somebody who got scared by that shark in Resident Evil Zero, or was it code Veronica? Don't know. I could safely say, fuck them.
SPEAKER_05I got scared by a shark in a video game, so screw them all.
SPEAKER_03Okay, well, it's better than getting scared by a shark in real life. Nah. If I lost my arm, I only hope would be to date that armless surfer woman. It would probably be good. I don't think so. What if I got my right hand bit off and she's left handed? No way, that would work.
SPEAKER_04What if we both had your sharks are actually like pretty docile?
SPEAKER_03No, they'll bite you, but like the pro what we what people get misconstrued is like it's very rare to actually.
SPEAKER_05They don't like people.
SPEAKER_03Well, not even just that, too. It's just imagine you're eating a Snickers bar, but you didn't take the wrapper off. Like, is your film with like you just beat in the stuff? It's like, man, I got plastic in my house. Yeah, imagine trying to imagine eating a piece of chicken through a wetsuit. Yeah, no one's suck.
SPEAKER_04I mean, it's gotta pick that out of his teeth, and it's just gonna rip it all up teeth.
SPEAKER_03We tried to eat neutragrain bars through our shirt, and I'm gonna tell you how it went. Not well. I was gonna say, I could I could have told you that. It didn't go well. You tried to eat a neutragrain bar through your shirt? I was like 12 and it was one of those were up till 4 a.m. and you know. You were fire on maybe half a brain. This is crazy. I didn't know my two fucking co-hosts never had sleepovers.
SPEAKER_04Oh, yeah, I had sleepovers. I just never tried to eat sleepers.
SPEAKER_03Most of the sleepovers you had were at my place. That's true. I would say about 87% of the sleepovers in my life are at Bryce's house. Yeah, that's pretty good. You know what's like crazy in life now? You guys, I don't think you've ever spent the night anywhere I've ever lived.
SPEAKER_04Probably not. You never invited me to. Well, you don't never needed to. Exactly. Were you there though? I think I've crashed at this place once. Maybe like after one party somewhere.
SPEAKER_03Probably. It's not like I don't have an open.
SPEAKER_04But I probably just like woke up before everyone had left.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I know what you mean. I've definitely done that. What were you gonna say, Brass?
SPEAKER_04Were you at the one sleepover when I took all of the like the filling from the like mint? No, that was before we started hanging out.
SPEAKER_00Oh, right, it was.
SPEAKER_04That was with Hayden and Tim.
SPEAKER_00It was no, I didn't I just made a giant ball from like the mint cream, and I like took a bite of it, like, and I was like, this is terrible.
SPEAKER_05I don't know why it I decided to do this. So I just had a giant wad from all the Oreos of just mint stuff, and I was just like, Well. Did you finish it? No, I threw it away. I see. What a waste.
SPEAKER_03I went and saw uh Kill Switch Engage recently in life. Nice how was it? Uh, you know, Kill Switch Engage uh is always great to see because they're like dad rock now. So no pits, big fan of that. However, um They're one of your faves. Yeah, 100% one of my faves. However, uh Big Downer was uh Machine Head played. Yeah. And I don't care for Machine Head anymore. I did like them in high school, not gonna lie. The Locust was a great album. But you've moved on. They did play. I've moved on, I've grown up. Same thing. I was a disturbed kid. Now I can't even listen to a single disturbed song.
SPEAKER_04I like a couple other covers, but that's about all I can tolerate.
SPEAKER_03I liked a lot of disturbed when I was like real, real getting into it for the first time. But then you just kind of grow out of that. Yeah, it's kind of like look, and I don't mean to show it, throw shade at the end of the street. I don't need to listen to indestructible. But if you're like 30 and you're still emotionally attached to Lincoln Park lyrics, it's kind of like What have you learned in your life? Right, right. Like if you're driving home from your second divorce listening, tired of being what you want me to do. I don't listen to Lincoln Park. Feeling so fake, but you listen to the most radio rock here, so I just assume that you would occasionally put on breaking the habit just to kind of get in the mood. Back when Bryce was like kickboxing when he'd warm up to Breaking the Habit by Lincoln Park. That's the exact behavior I'm talking about. But don't get it. That's the exact fucking behavior I'm talking about. You know what I mean, Brando?
SPEAKER_04Lying, fucking stolen ballads. I don't think he's uh ever done that, but I've never done that.
SPEAKER_03There's a chance. No. I don't think he'd even admit it now, even if he did it once. No. When was the last time you listened to Breaking the Habit by Lincoln Park?
SPEAKER_04I don't remember. What was your hype up music for when you were doing kickboxing? It was Mizzy Starr. I don't know what that is. Some chick brace legs. What? He doesn't even know who that is. You don't know who Mizzy Starr is. You mean Mazzy Star? What's the difference?
SPEAKER_05Uh it's not Massie Star. I don't listen to Mazzy Star when I do kickboxing. When I would go to kickboxing, I would listen to what they would put on. I didn't choose what they would play.
SPEAKER_04Did Lincoln Park ever come on once? I You didn't have a pregame prepared gym to work out.
SPEAKER_03I didn't choose what they played. Ooh, it's looking like he's getting he's getting cornered. Bryce, did they ever play Lincoln Park at least once at the gym?
SPEAKER_05Yes, they definitely played Lincoln Park, but I didn't play.
SPEAKER_01Do you remember the song?
SPEAKER_02I don't fucking remember, dude. I look I look maybe something from what was it, hybrid theory? Probably. I don't know. I don't know any Lincoln Park. Yeah, do you know the one we did with Jay-Z? It was like, can I get an uncle?
SPEAKER_03Do you want more? No.
SPEAKER_04Nah.
SPEAKER_03You definitely know numb.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I probably I know numb.
SPEAKER_00But everyone knows numb. You know breaking the hands.
SPEAKER_03I only take mild umbrage because you're implying that I'm a Lincoln Park fan just by virtue of living in the world where Lincoln Park is, and it's just like I think that if if if if we took like a statistical pull of the people that are fans of this podcast, and they and we they didn't listen to this episode and this had to pick out who's the closeted Lincoln Park fan. Actually, they might pick somebody else. But if they said who do you definitely think likes Lincoln Park? Probably Bryce. Probably Bryce. And I can say that because you know, they're gonna be like, there's that guy that well You can't even hate on Limp Biscuit because Limp Biscuit's cool again. So is Creed. I like that all that shit's cool.
SPEAKER_04Well, before this episode, puddle mod. Well, on this episode, I can land directly.
SPEAKER_03I don't really listen to Lincoln Park. Yeah, I know, but if I had to guess who on this podcast listened to the most Lincoln Park.
SPEAKER_04You know what was some cringe music I liked at a point? What? As a teenager or a middle schooler? Black Stone Cherry. I don't know what that is. They were terrible. They had that song Crazy Bitch.
SPEAKER_03That's it, isn't it? Oh, I don't know. One of them. I liked that this guy worked that song. Oh, y'all call it some batch about your pocket, good 'em all. Yeah, that's my buddy uh at work's fucking wife's ringtone, whatever she calls him. That's great. Um, but uh I'm trying to think of what kind of cringe shit did I listen to that I think I would like legitimately be embarrassed about to think about now. Not a fucking lot. That's the problem. Because like most of the stuff I I'm openly admitting to. Like I said, I was I like those two Machine Head albums. I was real into disturbed.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I did Puddle of Mud. I did Blackstone Cherry. I can't tell you.
SPEAKER_03Okay, so literally, but like I think that you you you and uh our friend Will, friend of the show, went through like a bit of a dad rock phase.
SPEAKER_04Well, probably. You know.
SPEAKER_03I don't think I did, and that's not really we're not saying all right, look, I'm gonna tell you right now. I still like to do that. Had I not had friends to keep me in check, some oyster cult. I probably would have liked a lot of fucking post hardcore, kind of like bad post hardcore, like when we were coming up. You know what I'm saying? Like the post hardcore, that would make no sense to actively be listening to now. Whereas is literally like, how is this like demographic not made?
SPEAKER_04What was the genre-defining post hardcore band?
SPEAKER_03I mean, the problem is there's a lot of good post-hardcore, but when I think like bad post hardcore, it's you know, I'm sure I'm sure I'm gonna get schooled because I'm just talking completely out of genres, but genres are fucking difficult anyway. I don't know. I think like blood on the dance floor, there's like the metalcore ones that kind of don't count like uh like attack attack.
SPEAKER_04I didn't like attack attack.
SPEAKER_03Uh they banned drugs, destroy rebuilt to gacho.
SPEAKER_04I like some of that.
SPEAKER_03I liked Sex Life and I liked Graveyard Dan.
SPEAKER_04I just like the song Stop Reading, Start Doing Pudding.
SPEAKER_03That's a great song name. Yeah. I liked Sex Life because I like the chorus. If you had a sex life, would you even worry about mine? Nah, you probably wouldn't. If your bed is empty, you're a waste of time. I'm sorry. Bryce is eating because he's just the least musically inclined.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, he's like, I got jalapeno chips and I'm just.
SPEAKER_03Bryce, what's a cringy, even if you still listen to him? What's like kind of like cringe music that you're like a fan of? That you would not listen to with the windows down driving around. Uh let me think. Um to the double bass in the intermission music section of the podcast.
SPEAKER_04I feel like it's been happening more lately. I don't know what's wrong with us.
SPEAKER_03I know, that's crazy. What's up? Bra's gonna have to learn how to play the ocarina. Uh yeah so we can like I always wanted to do that.
SPEAKER_04I think you know I'm drawing a blank right now. I remember uh Tori made an ocarina, your sister-in-law. Huh. How cool. Did it work?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, she even used to know how to play it. Nice. I often think about learning all the songs everyone wants to learn on the ocarina. No one would know what an ocarina was if it wasn't for that game. Definitely not.
SPEAKER_04Maybe a couple Japanese people and some Mongolians. Is that where it's native? I think so.
SPEAKER_03The Ocarina is native to Japan and Mongolia. That's crazy. I'm assuming so, maybe Greece. I don't know. I think that Greece has kind of got its toes in a lot of things.
SPEAKER_04They got their toes in a lot of things. Yeah. Naval trade on that Mediterranean.
SPEAKER_03Naval trade, the Mediterranean. That movie Captain Maldon's Mandolin, starring Nicolas Cage and a young. Fuck, who was it? I think it was Christian Bale, maybe. Probably not Christian Bale. That'd be ridiculous. When was that uh weird casting, by the way? Oh, I'm sorry, go ahead.
SPEAKER_04When was that one uh Nick Cage movie where he's like, wait, the ghost is still dancing?
SPEAKER_03Uh that's uh a call to New Orleans, uh Bad Lieutenant call to New Orleans.
SPEAKER_04Uh that looked ridiculous. I gotta watch that.
SPEAKER_03Have I shown you that scene completely out of context?
SPEAKER_04Yes.
SPEAKER_03It is probably one of my favorite scenes he's ever done. The whole plot's weird. He jumps into like a like uh three inches of water and gets back pain and gets addicted to Percocasset.
SPEAKER_04Nice. That's how it happens. Yeah. And three inches of water really did them in.
SPEAKER_03I took a Percocet semi recently in life.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, because you got your uh wisdom teeth out, right?
SPEAKER_03No, no, I'm gonna get my wisdom teeth out soon, though.
SPEAKER_02Um surprised you had them in so long.
SPEAKER_04I still got mine. Yeah. I don't cause no problems. Why bother? Mine wasn't cost of it. I haven't had mine since I was like 17.
SPEAKER_03Well, look who had good parents and insurance.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, what's insurance? I know, right?
SPEAKER_03No, like I it it's not a matter of- Go ahead and say you didn't have good parents and insurance.
SPEAKER_00It's not just a matter of that. Like they fit, like they I mean, actually they had to get them taken out. Yeah, they mine there was no room.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, mine were fine until recently. And it's only the one, so I don't think I gotta get one taken out. The other ones never came in. Which, you know what? Guys why the fuck are they still growing? Most fucking people are losing their pinky toes before they lose fucking teeth.
SPEAKER_04People lose on their pinky toes?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's like the next thing they suspect might be gone in the human chain of evolution.
SPEAKER_00Eh, and I like pinky toes. I might be nah, nah man. You need your pinky toe. Like for balance, yes. That's a lesson.
SPEAKER_03You only believe that because of that that Moody's point show on the show. No, we looked this shit up.
SPEAKER_00This was something we looked up like several episodes. Like, maybe well, maybe earlier. Like a season or two ago. I can tell you right now. It's like it's a muscle in like you you don't need your whole pinky toe, but you need like the fucking muscle and shit.
SPEAKER_03Dude, I'm telling you right now, I can go without my pinky toe, just solely based on how my pinky toes work. They're almost like Chinese footbound. Wait, is it China the da da da?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it's China. I mean, I'd be willing to bet you'd probably walk better if you didn't chop off your pinky too. Without the shoes on, they look terrible.
SPEAKER_03They look horrible. And there's that one woman who's like 175 who's still alive and has them, and she's just like, I was too little to remember how excruciating this was. They only look good in the shoe.
SPEAKER_04They only look good in the shoe. You're like, it looks great in the shoe. It's really cute. They got these tiny little feet. Don't take the shoe off.
SPEAKER_05Don't take it sleep in the shoe. What a concept. This horrible deformity that they do to your foot only looks good when you're wearing a shoe, which is what it's for.
SPEAKER_03I often wonder if I was in one of those societies like Italy when opera was really like Did they at least invent like a special dance you could only do with the fucked up foot in it? Is uh the smell was horrendous.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I mean, you got a foot folded over itself with a gap you can't climb. I'm sure it's leaking stuff too. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03That's not great. Hey Bryce, how them chips doing? Or brick. Imagine if someone just leaked foot ooze in your chip. Took a chip. Dope's on you.
SPEAKER_05I'm not the kind of person you can bother with that kind of thing.
SPEAKER_03You used to be. You used to be.
SPEAKER_04I bet my breath smells terrible. I ate some muscles and forgot to brush my teeth today.
SPEAKER_03It's okay. We forgive you. Muscles are muscles are good.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. They had been in my freezer for a year and the expiration date was for next December. I'm like, still good.
SPEAKER_03Next December. Wait, not even this current, like 2027 December.
SPEAKER_04So I bought them like this time, 2025. And it was good till December 2020, 26. Interesting. And it was December 26th. December 26th. So they were good until like six months from now. Yeah. Okay. But I've already had them for like six months. I mean like I don't know.
SPEAKER_03You know me. I don't like seafood. I wish I did. I like salmon. That's kind of seafood.
SPEAKER_04That is seafood. I mean it's a fish, yeah. No, it's one of the kings of seafood. I've seen it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but like is eating eating lake fish seafood? No. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04No, it's lake food. Lake food. But you could call it seafood if you really felt like it.
SPEAKER_03Like I guess like we if people just ate koi fish, that's not seafood. No, that's pond fish. Pond food. Catfish couldn't be seafood then, right?
SPEAKER_04I'm sure there's like some sort of catfish that hangs out near how like a sea.
SPEAKER_03I like people like hunting catfish. Oh, where they just like their fucking like fist in and just kind of like pop them out of the fucking water.
SPEAKER_04Giant like monsters. Oh, that that probably is delicious, man.
SPEAKER_03I don't know. I've never had it.
SPEAKER_04I used to get those catfish poeboys all the time.
SPEAKER_03I don't know what that is.
SPEAKER_04So it's like a homie but with fried catfish.
SPEAKER_03I had a uh I don't know.
SPEAKER_04It's like a different bread.
SPEAKER_03I had a lamb cheesesteak the other day. A what? A lamb cheesesteak. I want it. You want it? Yeah, I want it. I'll tell you where I got it.
unknownWhere?
SPEAKER_03I'll tell you later. It was uh I'm not upset that I tried it, but I wouldn't be in a rush to get it again. I don't think lamb and cheese go together that well.
SPEAKER_02Man, the best fucking. You're trying to argue, but you can't really think of lamb ever has cheese on it.
SPEAKER_04No, yeah, it's not great.
SPEAKER_03It doesn't happen to it. It doesn't exist anymore. Go ahead. What were you saying? Schwarmer that doesn't exist anymore.
SPEAKER_04The best swarm I ever had came from a place that doesn't exist anymore.
SPEAKER_05It was a little mom and pop place that closed down during COVID.
SPEAKER_03What would you guys you had a budget of $155? What are you eating before you die?
SPEAKER_04I don't know. Um there's this uh probably duck. There is this one place I used to do it.
SPEAKER_03It's okay. Duck's kind of seafood. No, it's lake food. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04There's this like old restaurant I used to go to. That was like there for like 150 years or something. And they had this duck and it was like cooked in apples.
SPEAKER_06Ooh, that sounds good.
SPEAKER_04It was like a fancy restaurant. I don't know, man. I feel like it was like 2003 and it was a $25 plate, so that was expensive back then. Probably that.
SPEAKER_03You have $150. You know what I would get? Two fucking.
SPEAKER_04I mean, it's probably like a $60 duck now.
SPEAKER_03It doesn't matter. You still have a hundred dollars worth of $900.
SPEAKER_04$90 less. Well, I'll spend the rest on a drink. Alcohol? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I guess I would want to be drunk before I.
SPEAKER_04We'll get a nice Sazerac with one of the things.
SPEAKER_03I'll just live my last moments in life sober.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, definitely not. It goes good with the duck.
SPEAKER_03How am I gonna look my kids in the eye? How am I gonna fucking do anything like that?
SPEAKER_04You know, um I should- You should do an absinthe episode. That would be a terrible idea. No, we should, yeah, it would be a bad idea. Let's not do that much. That's a great idea. We should just have the same thing.
SPEAKER_03Well, yeah, but do they even get the ones that actually make you hallucinate? Yeah, we should get that one. Yeah, but do they even is that legal in the in the Americas?
SPEAKER_04Legal in Canada.
SPEAKER_03So no. I think I could confidently smuggle that over the Canadian border.
SPEAKER_04I think you just buy it and bring it back.
SPEAKER_03No, you gotta be careful. They don't let you bring alcohol over. Yeah, they do.
SPEAKER_04You just pay a tax on it.
SPEAKER_03I've done it. See, I've never paid the tax, I've just forgotten.
SPEAKER_04You gotta pay the troll toll.
SPEAKER_03Look, I just forgot I had fucking four cans of alcoholic seven up. We know. What the fuck was I supposed to do about that?
SPEAKER_04Who's gonna remember Alcoholic Seven Up?
SPEAKER_02It was okay. I remember tasting it. Yeah, we know. It was like two, three episodes ago. That was not two, three episodes. It was a couple episodes. It was a thousand episodes ago.
SPEAKER_041,300 episodes. It was like the one. It was like the first episode of the season.
SPEAKER_03Oh, so in Landman season two, Billy Bob Thornton's dad is.
SPEAKER_04Oh, you're still talking about Landman?
SPEAKER_03First of all, I've not been talking about Landman for quite some time. But uh Billy Bob Thornton's dad is Sam Elliott.
SPEAKER_04I like Sam Elliott. He's got a big note.
SPEAKER_03So in the real world, Sam Elliott would have been 11 when he had Billy Bob Thornton.
SPEAKER_04That trash.
SPEAKER_03So I would assume that Billy Bob Thornton in Landman is at least 50 and Sam Elliott is still 81.
SPEAKER_02I was gonna say, yeah, the characters could just be different ages than many. Billy Bob Thornton does a lot of heavy lifting on that show. Well, he's the main character, it makes sense. And he's Billy Bob Thornton.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, he's Billy Bob Thornton. Name seven things Billy Bob Thornton's in. That's not bad, Santa. Mr.
SPEAKER_04Wood, Fargo, Mr. Woodcock, yeah, okay. Princess Mononoke.
SPEAKER_03No.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he's the fucking monk with the shoes. He's in Armageddon. How many is that so far that's Princess Mononoke? That's enough.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's enough.
SPEAKER_03Who's he in Armageddon?
SPEAKER_00Armageddon?
SPEAKER_02He was one of the NASA guys. He was like the head of mission. Right, right, right. Or like the head of the mission.
SPEAKER_03Funny they didn't make him an oilman. Because years later he'd star in a show as an oilman.
SPEAKER_05I'm sure someone else with the same kind of mental illness is you also noticed that.
SPEAKER_02Why?
SPEAKER_04No, is it seven things? Wasn't it five before? Who cares? We don't care. We don't care.
SPEAKER_00It's whatever number he comes up with on the fly.
SPEAKER_03The reason I said seven was I was at least confident you guys could name three.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, so you're like, wait, not more than that. If they get more than that, I'm screwed. Exactly. And you're trying to cover your own ass.
SPEAKER_03Because I what the fuck did I just say that I think uh I th oh, because I I like to uh connect things that people don't think exist. And I do think that there will be blood and landman take place in the same universe.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Alright. Why why couldn't that happen? Why couldn't that happen? Aren't they both about oil? Sure. Yeah. I mean the book, There Were Be Blood, is literally just called Oil. Really? Yeah, with an exclamation point. You can borrow it if you want.
SPEAKER_03Potentially. That's pretty good. I'm reading the Gears of War books. Ending's not as good as the movie. Isn't it through the the son's perspective? Yeah. Uh so you don't get that great scene where he tells his son, I'm not gonna learn sign language, you fucking loser.
SPEAKER_04No, I think that's still in there. Oh, that's good.
SPEAKER_03That's good.
SPEAKER_01God damn. I love the idea of having a kid with a disability. It's just not accommodating it whatsoever. And be like, you gotta work around this, not me. I mean, that sounds like some shit you would do. I have a kid in a wheelchair.
SPEAKER_05Why would I ever push that thing?
SPEAKER_01That's your responsibility. There's so many stairs.
SPEAKER_00Or I could imagine you just like just like dribbling a basketball in front of him just to be mean.
SPEAKER_03Why would that be? I mean, there's there's wheelchair basketball.
SPEAKER_00I know there's wheelchair basketball, but you'd be like animated, like jumping around using your legs.
SPEAKER_03Do you think it would be unethical to play wheelchair basketball with my wheelchair bound son if I have to sit in the wheelchair with him? I don't know. I don't think it'd be unethical. Because I'm a firm believer that if you get the handicapped parking, your whole family should get it.
SPEAKER_04I don't know.
SPEAKER_03I don't know how it works. I have I have as somebody who has many a family with a handicapped parking plaque, or at least the only ones that can drive, I think I should get that too. Yeah. Why shouldn't I? No.
SPEAKER_04Why shouldn't I have it? Because you're not handicapped.
SPEAKER_03You have to have to deal with the handicapped people in your life. I guess you do actually.
SPEAKER_00Just yeah. If yeah, like if you're not going somewhere with one of them and you're not like driving their car or something.
SPEAKER_03Okay, but what if they give me their blessing?
SPEAKER_00I don't think it works.
SPEAKER_04It doesn't work that way. I think you should get the handicapped sticker if your handicapped person is your dependent and you're the primary caregiver, so you're gonna be driving around all over the fucking place.
SPEAKER_01I don't accept it. I get it. That is acceptable.
SPEAKER_03I just think spiritually you should just have it. I should just be able to have it. Yeah. Because people in my family have it. Yeah, a bunch of people that don't have any handicapped fucking members of their family. Okay? I just happened to. So why shouldn't I get the fucking tag? I also think that, um Damn.
SPEAKER_02What are we talking about?
SPEAKER_04I don't know. You being a dick, land man.
SPEAKER_03I don't think I'm being a fucking dick. I didn't do anything wrong. I don't park in the handicap spot.
SPEAKER_02I'm just saying spiritually I should be able to. Uh-huh. Man, we jumped around so many.
SPEAKER_03I'm gonna tell you, as somebody who goes to Walmart at least twice a week.
SPEAKER_04That is a lot of Walmart. I'm like once every three months. You don't get enough groceries. No, I just go there and get so much. Like two Christmases ago when someone like jacked my like dental information.
SPEAKER_02They like spent like $360 at Walmart, and I'm like, damn, good for them. Would they get groceries and shit? They probably bought a PlayStation 5. Nah. Or it would cost more of the bottom.
SPEAKER_03Switch two did not cost that much.
SPEAKER_05It was also like two years ago, so the Switch 2 wasn't out.
SPEAKER_02Yes, it was. The Switch 2 was now. The Switch 2 was out two years ago.
SPEAKER_05I thought it was last year.
SPEAKER_03No. No, you're out of your mind. I haven't been paying attention to the city. Switch two in 2024.
SPEAKER_00No fucking way.
SPEAKER_03You're out of your fucking mind. You just you guys just don't understand how the passage of time works.
SPEAKER_04Very rapidly. Yeah. God, I hate the taste of muscles on my tongue. Oh, the dream. It won't go away.
SPEAKER_02That's crazy that that's not gone yet.
SPEAKER_03Oh, Bryce is floundering.
SPEAKER_04No, it's just that it's fucking hard. Google has gotten worse. Don't fucking give me that shit. Just type in switch to release date. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I bet it's 2024. There's no way it came out last year. I'd know that.
SPEAKER_04This is the official website for the Nintendo Switch 2.
SPEAKER_00Nintendo Switch 2 release date, July 3rd, 2025.
SPEAKER_04Actually, exactly a year old. Yeah, look at that. Isn't that beautiful?
SPEAKER_03No. I've never felt more hollow in my entire life.
SPEAKER_04Well, you're a hollow fuck.
SPEAKER_03Isn't that what the bad guys are called in Bleach?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, they're hollows. It's also what you are in Dark Souls 1.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I nah, I don't want to say this because it's a connector. It's a stolen joke. Stolen valor joke. It's not a stolen joke, but it's a fucking stolen uh stolen premise. And I just thought it was funny and I wanted to tell you guys what.
SPEAKER_0448 minutes in, by the way.
SPEAKER_03That's a good thing. I was wondering how far in we are.
SPEAKER_04We used to have a clock that I'd put in front of them, but I do.
SPEAKER_03You have not done that in like a couple. Maybe I don't understand the passage of time.
SPEAKER_00Uh oh no, I definitely. We explain this, I feel like every like episode or every other episode. Josh doesn't need the clock. He's totally fine with me just telling him what time.
SPEAKER_03You know what else I'm gonna say? I've been playing a lot of Pikmin recently. You have mentioned this. And the thing that upsets me the most about Pikmin life is that you're committing Pikmin genocide. Constantly. Constantly. At some point I'm annoyed when they die. Like it ups like I could have I could have saved more.
SPEAKER_00No, I'm the opposite. It's like how are you? Get out of the way, you fucking idiots. Like oh, so you're like the anti-Schindler. So you're like the opposite of Oscar Schindler for Pikmin.
SPEAKER_03I'm gonna tell you. So when I beat Pikmin one, absolutely. Do you want to know how many total Pikmin I made in Pikmin 1? How many? 1,498. Do you want to know how many I lost? How many? 1,320.
SPEAKER_04Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_03Most of them.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, most of them.
SPEAKER_03Like I I ended the game with like 117 Pikmin.
SPEAKER_02That's why you gotta, you know, get better. Gotta get better at the game. Look, as somebody who's almost played.
SPEAKER_04Just use your indigenous. You know, it's all about colonization and imperialization.
SPEAKER_03Look, but the thing is you don't really colonize in Pikmin. You steal their steal their trick. That's not colonization. What do you what is it when you just show up, take their shit and leave, and you don't do anything else? I don't know. Pillaging.
SPEAKER_04Pillaging, yeah. Pirate piracy. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. That's more what the although I do like the names of like things in Pikmin. Like they m they're like a like a yam or some shit. That was like a weird looking root. It was called an anxious sprout. Oh. Yeah. What was another one I remember? I really liked. I think uh cherries are called Cupid's Grenade. Nice. And lemons are called face wrinklers.
SPEAKER_04Ha! I like both of these things.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, in the Pikmin universe, when you start from the first one, the old treasure you would find would be like a Nintendo floppy disc with Mario Solitaire or some shit. And now that like Pikmin 4s come out and we're old and irrelevant, you find things like the Game Boy Advanced Small Penis and the fucking uh and like a and like I like the SP.
SPEAKER_04I have two of them. I sold one to Josh. Never mind.
SPEAKER_03I have one. Uh I think I found a Game Boy micro, the Seldom Forgot. Oh yeah, I like I like the micro. I had a micro too. I'm a big I was a big fan of the micro.
SPEAKER_04I don't even know what it looks like. It was really tiny and you could pop the front off.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it was like a really tiny like DS kind of.
SPEAKER_03The Nintendo DS Dick Suck. Yep, that works. Checks out. Nintendo D dick suck light. There you go. Nintendo Dick Suck I. That's a good one too. The devil came after that. Nintendo 3 dick suck.
SPEAKER_04The triple suck. Fable triple suck.
SPEAKER_03That's much better.
SPEAKER_04Three dicks and that one mouth. Damn. Or three three mouths on one dick.
SPEAKER_03That's a lot harder to do. Yeah, I feel like that's a good one. No, three mouths on one dick's very easy to do. One mouth of three dicks is it seems like a difficult task.
SPEAKER_04And you got one on each side and one in the center.
SPEAKER_03This is true. Yeah, but still, I mean, like, you gotta like funnel it. It's like a funnel. Uh. I don't know. I've never sucked three dicks at the same time before. Yeah, I don't want to. I don't think I don't think I'm gonna do it. I think my mouth's just bought it in you. I don't think so. I think that's a young man's game.
SPEAKER_04I think I've aged out. Yeah. Triple dicking it.
SPEAKER_03Triple dicking it. That was my first homosexual experience.
SPEAKER_04Three dicks at his mouth.
SPEAKER_03At once. We call that the we call that the fl the flesh funnel. Yeah. See, I Bryce made a face after I came up with a name for it. Did you know pooping into another butt is called a Manhattan?
SPEAKER_02Yes, you've said it before. You've said it like seven times since I've seen you now. That's not true.
SPEAKER_04You brought it up on like the third episode of the pod, and then on 4th of July you said it twice.
SPEAKER_02Did I? Twice you did.
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_04At least.
SPEAKER_00Me? Repeat myself?
SPEAKER_04Nah, I'd never do that. It doesn't sound like me.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I I think that Brando's gonna be inspired to buy a paddle board soon.
SPEAKER_04I want one. I just don't have any money.
SPEAKER_03Just put 25 bucks away for like you get paid bi-weekly.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You have it in three weeks. Yeah, that's not bad. It's not bad. Comes with everything, though. Pumping it's gonna be hard. Grow some arms. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02That reminds me, you guys owe me money, but we can work.
SPEAKER_04Oh, I forgot about that.
SPEAKER_03Well, well, why owe you less money?
SPEAKER_02I know, you only owe me nine bucks.
SPEAKER_04There we go. Oh, while it's in this pocket, because I can't use the other one. What's wrong with the other one? It uh requires this finger. Oh, and I know. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you're you go I'm looking at your hand motion now. You are fucked up. Am I? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Your hand's fucked up. I see you're owe me eight, so we can worry about that later. That's not funny.
SPEAKER_03It's definitely stiff. So, famous Frankenstein lover over here. Um recently in life, picked up Bride. Haven't watched it yet.
SPEAKER_00I heard it was bad.
SPEAKER_03I heard it was awful.
SPEAKER_04I still wanted to see it, and I wanted to see that other one that was where sexy Frankenstein was. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Waiting for that to come out on the road. I heard that one was okay.
SPEAKER_04People call it like it's Magnum Opus. I heard it was mediocre from multiple friends of mine. That's crazy because I heard nothing but good things. It was two of my closest friends because I'm in a band with them. So it was me and Bryce. Yeah. Uh no, yeah, I heard Will say it was kind of mad. They haven't said the same thing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but you know, here's the thing. Interesting casting and bride for Frankenstein, Christian Bale. No, yeah. I'm aware of that. Weird move, right? I would think Peter Brook by uh Peter Broy Boyle is there. I know, and uh I guess she sucks at directing. I don't know. I mean maybe stick to being out of everybody has stinkers sometimes.
SPEAKER_04The fucking disclosure. I think she just should have stuck to being in one of the things. Yeah, it was entertaining. The pacing was decent, but like no, I saw Disclosure Day. Oh, I never seen it. Um pacing was decent, acting was decent, just the plot was stupid.
SPEAKER_03As someone who can't name two Maggie Jalen Hall movies, again, stick to being in one of three Batman movies.
SPEAKER_04Dark Knight, Donnie Darko.
SPEAKER_03Never seen Donnie Darko.
SPEAKER_04It's a good movie. I've seen it like twice.
SPEAKER_03Well, look, I'm gonna say someone with Bryce's bill.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, okay. I will I will cop to that. I like Donnie Darko.
SPEAKER_00Say things about me that are true, Josh, and I will agree to them. What actress are we talking about?
SPEAKER_04Maggie Gyllenhaal. Oh, I have no fucking clue.
SPEAKER_03Um, a guy with me and Brando's bill, we're more of a butterfly effect than guys.
SPEAKER_05He's a freaking maniac!
SPEAKER_03It's a good movie. Yeah. It's a good movie.
SPEAKER_04I'm patting his shoulder because I believe in it.
SPEAKER_03I'm glad Ethan Soupley lost 750. Oh, yeah, good for him. But now he doesn't get to be in movies anymore.
SPEAKER_04Good for him. I mean, is he happy? That's the most important thing.
SPEAKER_03I think he was happier being fan addicted to heroin. I'm gonna I think I'm gonna press X to doubt. I think spiritually, in all the interviews I've seen with him.
SPEAKER_04He's like, man, I wish I went back to it. I was getting movie roles, I was the brother in My Name is Earl.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's a good role. It's a good movie.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it's a good show. I like it. My name is Earl, the movie. I'd watch it.
SPEAKER_05There was supposed to be a movie. There was supposed to be a movie, I think, where he finished the black guy with the hair in that show.
SPEAKER_03Crabman. Yeah, I liked it. Crabman, crabman. There was uh Joe Dirt's sister. Yeah, yeah, Jamie Presley. In the the Hispanic woman. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's every member of the one.
SPEAKER_04You mean by name a cast member? I say Karma? Karma. Was that the chick's name?
SPEAKER_00No, Karma. He was doing yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh. It was a bad joke. I mean, I guess Karma's kind of a character, like in the same way that in like the wire, like Baltimore's a character.
SPEAKER_03It's like a whimsical figure like Jesus. Like he just kind of pops in. Yeah. There are just some episodes of that show where it's like, and then nothing bad was happening to this guy. So I'll punch him in the face. And I guess that's how karma works sometimes. Like, Earl, respectfully.
SPEAKER_04That's not how karma works.
SPEAKER_03That's not how karma works. But he probably needed to get punished. He needed to get punched all day and night, sure. But respectfully, Earl. That's just not really what karma does. It makes me think of uh my one.
SPEAKER_04Well, he's also kind of an idiot. Yeah. That's half the beauty of it.
SPEAKER_03I know, like one of the things. That's what I that's my point, yeah. Remember there's an episode of My Name is Earl where his like biggest hang up was he just had incredibly uncomfortably hairy nipples, and it made him like self-conscious to go swim. I remember that. And then he went to like a barbecue with like a freak show, and then there was a guy with a horn who's just like, I understand what it's like to not want to go shirtless. I don't have a neck. He's like, wow, I just noticed that. It's like the horn takes a lot of attention away from it.
SPEAKER_02Doesn't he like jump into a pool at the end of the episode?
SPEAKER_03Even the freaks, like, those are some hairy fucking yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I I remember that one. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. My name and My Name is Earl was pretty good.
SPEAKER_03It's a solid show, solid program with affordable cast. Deserves a rewatch. I do think uh maybe you go down the the My Name is Earl rabbit hole, see what happens there.
SPEAKER_04That's one of those shows I always wanted to own.
SPEAKER_03I think My Name is Earl could actually also take place in the Land Man universe.
SPEAKER_04Same with Black Jesus.
SPEAKER_03Black Jesus probably takes place in the My Name Israel universe.
SPEAKER_04Also a show I've got to be.
SPEAKER_02I would I don't know. I would sooner say Black Jesus is in like the Landman universe. No.
SPEAKER_03Boondocks are kind of like it's like uh it's like Mars uh Mar Mars a Pan City and Chowder just exists on its own circuit.
SPEAKER_00It's just in a microcosm.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it just only exists in like the Boondocks Paradox Box. Yeah. Um Damn, I was watching like I've been watching a lot of stuff about the Big Bang Theory recently.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, my stepdad loved that shit.
SPEAKER_03No, you like the big banger. I wouldn't say I like it. I'm a big defender. I'm a big bang theory defender at my truest of hearts.
SPEAKER_04No one chick with the glasses had nice tits.
SPEAKER_03Oh, fuck it. Don't even give me started about Bernadette. Oh my god. Bernadette kicked ass. Yeah. Ever all the women in the show breaking uh breaking bad uh big bang theory kicked ass. Yeah, they're all hot. They're all uh the one's okay. She's she's hosting um Jeopardy now. Oh, good for her. Yeah. Yeah, but no, Bernadette though, for real. Yeah. She's good. I like best cast, yeah. Easily.
SPEAKER_04That was like half the reason to be like, all right, step ten, watching this. Let me let me tune in for more.
SPEAKER_05Bernadette's in this episode. Well, what's that?
SPEAKER_03She's in every episode now that she married the guy?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, let me stick around.
SPEAKER_03I might have to watch this season.
SPEAKER_04Uh yeah, we'll find out.
SPEAKER_03What's happening in the episode? Well, I know Bernadette's mad at Howard, but that's it.
SPEAKER_04Uh I don't know what about. It doesn't matter. She's there.
SPEAKER_03They had like one episode of um uh Big Bang Theory where it was like uh because what's interesting is like the crossover of the Roseanne cast when it comes to Big Bang Theory.
SPEAKER_06Nah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, like uh Leonard is Darlene's boyfriend, and then Darlene is like some scientist lady that like a couple of times a year would fuck Leonard before he got with Penny. And then Jackie, who's Rose.
SPEAKER_05So the actors cross over, but they're not actually playing the same characters across. Okay.
SPEAKER_03Like the uh the Jackie, who's Roseanne's sister in the show, yeah, Sheldon's mom.
SPEAKER_02Fucking Elliot from Scrubs was in one was in the Big Bang Theory? No, she was in Roseanne. She was one of the daughters, wasn't she? Sarah? No, what the Darlene.
SPEAKER_03Why am I drawing a blank? I used to watch the shit out of Roseanne. That was very big in my house.
SPEAKER_04Whatever happened to Elliot from Scrubs, like the voice of Jeff and Rick and Morty.
SPEAKER_00She pops in out of stuff.
SPEAKER_04Back in Scrubs. Ah, Scrubs is still doing it.
SPEAKER_00Scrubs is back in the screen. Yeah, and there's this doctor from Landman.
SPEAKER_03Oh, that's what I realized was actually in the same universe as Landman. There was a doctor in Landman who looked like a young Dr. Cox as if he had like a son like Jack Cox grew up. And I was like, I think Scrubs and Landman take place in the same universe because that's You think everything's in the same universe as Landman.
SPEAKER_04What if the universe is this universe?
SPEAKER_03There's a couple of things that I okay, look, things that totally could be in the same universe as Landman. Sopranos, Niptuck, the Shield, Sons of Anarchy, Oil. Oil, yes, there will be blood. Um that's all that's a lot of shows, okay?
SPEAKER_02I forget what the show was, but it was a calming Westfall universe where like the whole show or the whole story was just like in a kid's fucking snow globe.
SPEAKER_03So there was this um uh uh Dino Stephatopoulos, friend of the show. Uh he told he had a pitch for this this this idea for a show, but like a network just absolutely would not green light it. I mean, that's usually how his shows go. 100%. But this actually seemed like a really good idea, but really hard to get like compli like get like into a thing. Conceptually, yeah. Yeah, so he said he wanted to write one thing that's like a kid's show, and in the background, like occasionally you see like the parents are kind of like talking quietly or like something like that.
SPEAKER_01But if you watch a different channel, just like the world building in the universe or something, the adult show is like a full drama, and the kids' show is happening behind the adult show. So then he said he wanted a third show.
SPEAKER_05So you have to watch three shows to kind of gap this weird bridge that doesn't to get this to get the story that's happening in the background of each show.
SPEAKER_01And I'm like, that is the best and worst idea I've ever heard in my fucking life. It sounds like when they did it.
SPEAKER_04Go ahead, go ahead. It sounds like when they did fucking Stargate and Stargate Atlantis, and or was it SG1 at Atlantis, and you had to watch one, then watch the other afterwards, and then you can only find one on each streaming service. So if you want to watch one, it's like, well, the plot continues in the other show.
SPEAKER_05While you get the physical media, exactly.
SPEAKER_03Just like imagine like you're watching like Good Luck Charlie, and it's just like, isn't that great, Dad? Yeah, that's nice, Charlie. So you switch it over to the next channel to like AMC, and it's like, what do you mean we're gonna lose the house? Billy, we're gonna lose the house. Well, after you had that miscarriage last year, nothing's been going right, and the kids are just still in the background.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, they're like playing soccer, having a gale. So, like, you would have to watch them like it'd just be like one like one single thread across multiple shows like occasionally cross like over your lifetime.
SPEAKER_03Well, I don't care if you had that miscarriage because it was an affair baby anyway. Hey, sweetie, how's it going? And you flip it back to the other channel. It's just like, hey dad, I'm gonna go to the Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02That'd be some crazy shit.
SPEAKER_03I'm like, that's a great like, but imagine like because in theory, you wouldn't need to watch both shows.
SPEAKER_04You could still enjoy one without the other.
SPEAKER_03But like imagine as like an adult, you realize they connect.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you're like you would sound insane.
SPEAKER_04Pepe Silvio, like a Truman show moment when you're like, what the fuck? What? Yeah, that's a good movie. Truman show. Yeah, I love that shit.
SPEAKER_02Who's Pepe Silvio? Pepe Silvio was the bitten uh always sunny when after Macy.
SPEAKER_00He did a Truman show. I mean, kind of. It's the meme of Charlie like on the whiteboard and he's like losing his shit when they were he was like working in the mail room. And yeah, and he because he's illiterate, I'm pretty sure he was seeing Pennsylvania, but he thought it was Pepe Silvia.
SPEAKER_04I wouldn't know what that's like. Yeah. He's like, he's everywhere.
SPEAKER_00He's at Pepe, Pepe, I got boxes full of Pepe.
SPEAKER_03Uh, you know, it's like it makes me think of the fucking uh finding Nemo thing where it's like escape. That's funny.
SPEAKER_00It's like How the fuck does a fish that still bothers me? How does a fish know how to read? Golly, I don't know how does a fish know how to talk?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's a good point. How does a fish know how to escape from an aquarium?
SPEAKER_00Doesn't it don't they That's natural? Don't they actually reveal in like the second one or some bullshit how she knows how to read? I only saw the first one.
SPEAKER_04I've seen uh I've seen Finding Dory. I think I saw Finding Dory, I just don't remember.
SPEAKER_03I saw it in theaters on cocaine, and I'm like that's the way to do it. That's how you do it. It really makes the movie.
SPEAKER_00Just around children, you're just grinding your teeth. It's kind of literally what happened. I mean, you're you went to see Finding Dory.
SPEAKER_03Well, look, it wasn't my choice. I would have seen a different movie. It's like I wanted to see Detective Pikachu. Some people, if you do like mushrooms or like fucking anything, we're just like, I can't watch. I'm like, yeah, I need to do stuff sometimes, but I need at least an hour of watching some shit. We're watching shit fucked up people.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, we definitely are.
SPEAKER_03We are 100% watching shit fucked up.
SPEAKER_04I'd rather watch shit fucked up than do something fucked up.
SPEAKER_03I'm so down with my abilities to be fucked up in public that like I could be on assembly just go to the bar.
SPEAKER_04Nah. I couldn't. I'd be like, yeah, yeah, I I wouldn't.
SPEAKER_03I wouldn't. Oh my god. Literally just like. Like, yeah, I could do that, I could do that. I go in there and I'm like, there's a lot of shit going on, guys. Guys, why are you fucking freaking out right now?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like anytime a wave hits, I would just like want to be alone.
SPEAKER_03Not me.
SPEAKER_04I'd just be like, Well, I just always want to be alone, so anything I throw on top, it just makes it almost.
SPEAKER_00If we were like here and I'm tripping on that.
SPEAKER_03He never gets to do them completely by himself. He just has to do at least like 30 minutes with us before he can make an excuse to leave.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I'd be like, alright, I gotta get out of here. I got some albums and a show I gotta watch.
SPEAKER_03Because you're just affirmly like mushrooms are meant to be enjoyed in solitary confinement. I think so. They're great that way.
SPEAKER_04I would never, dude, every time I do mushrooms, around people, I'm just too self-conscious about what everybody else is thinking.
SPEAKER_03That's fair. It's a fair way to live. But like for me, I always just say, like, whenever I'm on mushrooms by myself, I end up just like starting thinking crazy shit. Like, I was like, I think I've told this on the podcast, I'm not sure though, but like one time I was tripping really hard on mushrooms, I was by myself, and I kept thinking how funny it would be if I just killed myself with the King of the Hill DVD playing because eventually when they find my corpse, there'd just be blood splattered on the hall with like I mean, well, that's how your life's gonna be hilarious.
SPEAKER_05I think that's very that's how your life's gonna end.
SPEAKER_03I think that no one would be that sad at that funeral, it was like, dude, there was like DVD menu shit playing when I walked up there and found him.
SPEAKER_05And someone would do like a like a spot-on boom hammer impression, just like man.
SPEAKER_03But bow, brain all over the place.
SPEAKER_04I used to do a good boom hammer when I was in uh like high school. I can't do it anymore.
SPEAKER_03I can only do impressions of famous black men.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. I used to have an uncle who was mushmouth, but assisted suicide, so I don't get to hear his voice no more. That's a shame.
SPEAKER_03That's a shame.
SPEAKER_04Wait Massive brain tumor. Oh, I wouldn't say, okay.
SPEAKER_03I was gonna say, wait, a tumor is not assisted. Okay, I pick it up with your brain.
SPEAKER_01I was like, how the hell you how the hell does a tumor help kill yourself? No, no, yeah. That's the result of the tumor.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you're like, all right, well, life was terrible. Uh you just want to end this because I think I I think I go to the body.
SPEAKER_03I think I go as long as I can. Like, I've been uh listening to a lot of shit about the the road recently in life.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you like that book?
SPEAKER_03I do like that book.
SPEAKER_04And um depressing. I will never finish Meridian Blood. Blood Meridian. I just don't care.
SPEAKER_03Just watch the five-hour Windagoon thingy talking to you.
SPEAKER_04I have five hours left. I could just do that.
SPEAKER_03The book is five hours audiobook.
SPEAKER_04No, it's not.
SPEAKER_03It's like 15, I own it. No way, Jose.
SPEAKER_04You want me to check right now?
SPEAKER_03Look, Google. I'm checking.
SPEAKER_04I own the book.
SPEAKER_03I'm checking YouTube. Oh shit.
SPEAKER_00I'm so convinced. I'm so fucking dueling banjos, but dueling blood meridian audiobooks.
SPEAKER_04You're fucking out of your mind. Audiobook list, blood meridian. I have hours and seven minutes left. It just starts going. Yeah, out of and I'm a third of the way there. Hang on, I'm looking up mine.
SPEAKER_03All right, first of all, Brando, it's not, first of all, I found mine. Okay. I was still wrong, but there's no way. Look, nine, nine hours and thirty-seven minutes.
SPEAKER_04What are you talking about?
SPEAKER_03YouTube? It's a fucking audiobook.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, my audiobook, I have eight hours and seven minutes left.
SPEAKER_03So you have an hour and thirty-seven. Wait, hold on. Your audiobook's ones.
SPEAKER_00It's the actual audio book.
SPEAKER_04No, it's the audio. Yours is a YouTube.
SPEAKER_03No, this is the fucking book. Audio. Hang on, we're gonna listen to you. I'm on chapter 10. Are you calling red hot are you calling red chapter fucking 13 a liar?
SPEAKER_04So every chapter was like 30 minutes, and I'm on chapter 10. So that's like five hours into this book, and I still got eight and a half.
SPEAKER_02The boy crouched by the stallery fire.
SPEAKER_04Man, that guy sucks. Oh, yours is better? Yeah, listen to this guy's voice. Listen to this guy's voice. It's way better. Let me put the volume up. Look at this whole thing.
SPEAKER_03They're not that different. No, listen to this guy. No, you listen to this guy. No, your guy sucks.
SPEAKER_04Your guy sucks.
SPEAKER_03No, it took him fucking 15 hours to read a nine-hour book. It's not a nine-hour book. It is a nine-hour book. I just proved it. Yes. Who are they?
SPEAKER_04I don't remember because I don't care. It's the gang of Blood Meridian. Is that the Kindle audiobook? It's the whatever.
SPEAKER_03It's the It's the slowest fuck takes forever to read audiobook and it adds a bunch of fluff.
SPEAKER_04Shut up. There is, I don't know. It's the full one. What is the app that you're on?
SPEAKER_00I'm Audible. Okay. That's the point I'm getting at. He has the official audible audiobook. You're just looking on fucking YouTube.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I'm sorry, are audiobooks less credible on YouTube?
SPEAKER_05If it's not the official audiobook, then yes.
SPEAKER_03Are you telling me the full fucking reading of I Have No Mouth and I Must Screen by the guy that wrote the damn book is uncredible because it's on YouTube and no fucking world. It's a different case. It's the same fucking case. You guys are out of your fucking mind.
SPEAKER_04This is crazy stuff. So the day, the full length is 13 hours and six minutes.
SPEAKER_03Well, he's bad at reading because it could be nine hours and 37 minutes.
SPEAKER_04I mean, I feel like that guy sucked.
SPEAKER_03No, your guy sucks and he takes forever to do stuff. He's probably adding punctuation and shit, which is not the way of Cormick McCarthy, I remind you.
SPEAKER_04Welcome to a regular uh section of the podcast called Fuck Insert Member of the Podcast here. We argue with each other about nothing.
SPEAKER_03Look, Bryce will never take my side on anything because he's a trader, so his word is void here. But like I'm gonna tell you something.
SPEAKER_04No that really hurts half the time.
SPEAKER_03You gotta go to the doctor, maybe you sprained your fingers.
SPEAKER_04I did, but it's fine. They'll heal. I agree with you on something. I'll agree with you on it.
SPEAKER_03Well, I'm just saying, like, me look. I think that if you take 13 hours to read a book and some some superstar takes nine.
SPEAKER_04I don't think he's a superstar, and I think nine is just he's probably skipping a bunch of shit. I don't think that's true whatsoever. Which is fine. And he does different voices for all the guys. The next time he went over to the Frando did also say he had the unabridged version, which could be why it's longer. Maybe here's the guy was the abridged version. What's wrong with the abridged version? That means it literally cut shit out. Yeah, that means it would be shorter version.
SPEAKER_03Or I just think the guy's better reading. This is crazy. I don't know why I have to fight this so hard.
SPEAKER_00I mean, he sounded boring. You're a contrarian. You have to fight the. No, that's not fucking true. I've just listened to that's not true. I'm not a contrarian.
SPEAKER_04Either way, I will never finish the book and it is irrelevant.
SPEAKER_03You're out of your mind. Blood Meridian is phenomenal. You didn't even read it.
SPEAKER_04You watched a guy talk about it.
SPEAKER_03And it was a very thorough explanation. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Man, you don't get it, man. That guy on YouTube really went into the read the Wikipedia page, man.
SPEAKER_03You probably didn't even get to when they meet the simpleton that's chewing on a turd.
SPEAKER_04I don't know where I am because I haven't listened to it in like nine months.
SPEAKER_03They meet like a guy who's mentally challenged, and his brother's like, Yep, gonna take him to California and charge people a nickel to look at him. And like they're like, there the imbecile sat sucking on a turd, covered in his own filth, and at some point the women are like, you can't just keep him in a cage like that, and they like take him out of the cage and bathe him, and the next day he almost drowns himself in a lake.
SPEAKER_04Like, maybe we should keep him in a cage.
SPEAKER_03That's how that's how and look, and then the devil brutally sodomizes him. I mean, they don't tell you, but you just let him. You know, you know, you know what he was doing. You know what he was doing. Bum stuff. Bum stuff to the simpleton. Uh-huh. Sucking on a dog.
SPEAKER_04We don't know if he enjoyed it or not.
SPEAKER_03You can't tell with that. You really couldn't.
SPEAKER_04It was a different time. He couldn't admit either way.
SPEAKER_03There's zero. Who's he gonna tell?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, and also he's a simple. He's a simple. He doesn't quite understand. Yeah, but I mean I've there's Bryce in any conversation. Simpleton.
unknownMan!
SPEAKER_03Hang on, I want to hear Bryce's retort. It sounded like sorry, that was a low blow.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, that was fucked up. Uh I was gonna say, I feel like that I feel like there's some issues with consent there, like in the fact that he can't give it.
SPEAKER_03Well, it was 1850. It was a different time.
SPEAKER_04Mentally challenge people fuck all the time.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but not those not those ones.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, they probably do. I see him on fucking Tinder all the time. I'm like, no, thank you.
SPEAKER_03Nah, anytime you see like one of those, like, those cruel, like, look at this woman with Down syndrome with a fat ass. That's AI. I don't know why they're doing that. That's a weird move. For a reason, for some point in time, there was like my algorithm was just filled with like fat women getting milk poured on them. I have no idea why.
SPEAKER_04You probably looked at it once.
SPEAKER_03I did look at it.
SPEAKER_05You looked at it once for like you lingered, and then they're like, oh, he likes this shit. He's into that. We gotta get him.
SPEAKER_04We gotta hold this milk.
SPEAKER_03There's a bunch of other stuff. How come it can't be whenever I look up lore about Jack and Daxer, the precursor or legacy?
SPEAKER_04Because they can't make money off that. They can make money off of milk.
SPEAKER_03There's more money off of Jack and Daxer and the precursor legacy with me than pouring milk on fat chicks.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, because you'd end up buying dumb merch.
SPEAKER_03I would buy dumb merch. I wouldn't pay for a video to watch some chick get milk poured on them. I think I could convince a hefty woman to let me do that.
SPEAKER_04You should find a hefty woman to pour milk on her.
SPEAKER_03Respectfully, and I'm not even being a dick about it. I'm not I'm being genuine. I think they like, I think in my life I could convince convince someone to do that. It seems like an un it's not like an unreasonable request. Like, look, you're with a girl. Things are getting interesting. Yeah. Out of nowhere. She's like, yo, can I pour some milk on you? Are you gonna say no?
SPEAKER_04I mean, were you nice to me that night? What kind of milk? That also matters because I'm lactose intolerant.
SPEAKER_03It's true. I drink every time Tumu does interesting milk. Bryce is looking with a grimace as if he he would not.
SPEAKER_04He doesn't want to be milked. Do you wouldn't get milked? I I mean, I'd probably be fine with it so long as I'm able to like take a shower at some point after that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you gotta go to bed like that. That's a rough rhythm.
SPEAKER_04That's a rough act. I probably wouldn't. Covered in milk. Maybe if it's not my bed, I'd be okay with it. If it's my bed, then I'm like, oh, I gotta clean this up. If it's someone else's bed, I'm like, I'll be gross and shower in the morning. It's 80 degrees. That's not bad.
SPEAKER_03Think about that again.
SPEAKER_04I work in a place that's regularly 105.
SPEAKER_03Okay, you ever pour milk on the floor just to see what would happen in 105 degree weather? It's not.
SPEAKER_04You're saying it's not my bed? Yeah, it's not my bed. Okay, hang on. I'm imagining in this scenario, not a lot of sleeping is gonna be happening.
SPEAKER_03No, no, no. This happens at around 7:30. The sun's still coming out.
SPEAKER_05There could be something. Eventually you go to sleep in this bed. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, if it's not my bed, I mean that sweetens the pot. I'd probably be more willing to.
SPEAKER_03You have to drive home.
SPEAKER_04Like an X morning. No. Without a shower? But I can shower first thing. Yeah, I mean you can't. You have to drive home. You shower when you shower when you get home. It's still fine.
SPEAKER_03I I don't know why I'm trying to convince you guys to not get milk poured on you.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you're trying to, you're, you're trying to like talk us out of something that sounds like, I mean, you're like, hey man, I could convince you to do this.
SPEAKER_04And I'm like, yeah, it's not that hard. And we're like, you're trying to convince us not to do it.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, out of out of out of like out of the universe of things you've asked us across the show, like, would you do this or would you rather do this? Or which do you think is worse? That's not that bad.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it's not like you're fucking your dad or your brother. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's true.
SPEAKER_05Why did you you sounded like disappointed?
SPEAKER_03I was like, yeah, you're right. I don't know. There's been every now and again, True Moo, like once a month, comes out with weird milk. Like they came out with blue milk for Star Wars, so I bought it and tasted like vanilla. Like milk. And then they did uh for the Moana movies. Strawberry. I was talking about milk price. Was it strawberry?
SPEAKER_00I said I always wondered what the blue milk in Star Wars tasted like.
SPEAKER_03You don't get to see interesting milk.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I feel like it was just regular milk. They just put like food dye in.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, but the dye tastes bad. That's what the actor said.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_03The dye tastes bad. Did they not have artificially blue things back in 1990? They didn't have artificially, you know what? When did the blue Eminem come out?
SPEAKER_04I don't know, and I don't care.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's like What do you mean you don't okay? This insane that you're just I'm fucking livid.
SPEAKER_00That's the difference between you and us, Josh. Little little obscure, inconsequential facts like that. You're like, man. I would fuck you up in Connect 4, Bryce. Keep your mouth shut. I mean, you possibly could. Probably would.
SPEAKER_03It doesn't invalidate my point. I think it does, and I think that you're now feeling it.
SPEAKER_04I think he's out of uh out of game with Connect 4. He hasn't played in a while. He needs some time to relearn.
SPEAKER_03Bryce with a board game, and I I know this from experience, it's easy to get in his head. You just I'm not saying he wouldn't beat me in most first-person shooters, but in a board game, I think he could confidently punk him enough to like You just start telling him the wrong rules. Or just like every single time, like do some sort of thing.
SPEAKER_00I mean, if we were just playing some shit like Monopoly, it would probably end the way Monopoly usually ends, where it's just like one person's one freaking running the board, and everybody else is just like, man, I just want to go.
SPEAKER_04Monopoly. Monopoly, I think.
SPEAKER_03What is the objective of the game?
SPEAKER_04To be a dickhead.
SPEAKER_03To run the board. But yeah.
SPEAKER_04You get the monopoly. But then it gets fucking boring, is what I'm saying. No, you bankrupt people and then you make them make deals so they can get it. You do the job screw over and own all the railroads. That's always a good move. Or utilities. We're about an hour twenty, by the way.
SPEAKER_03Hour twenty, oh fuck. We should wrap soon on a really good topic. I was thinking about something.
SPEAKER_05I think we skipped over during uh what you would eat if you're last meal. I don't think I got to say right now.
SPEAKER_03Oh, you didn't. I didn't get to finish mine. It's two fucking roast beef cheddarmelts, lamb rogue and josh, about a gallon and a half of From the Tap Baja Blast, and some sort of banana pudding.
SPEAKER_04I like the banana pudding and the lamb rogue and josh. I'll skip the rest.
SPEAKER_03I introduced you to Lamb Rogue and Josh this year. Yeah, it was great. It was very solid food. It was great.
SPEAKER_04Uh surf and turf. Lame. Um steak and lobster. That's okay. Surf and turf.
SPEAKER_00Um some Chick-fil-A nuggets with honey. Interesting. How many nuggets? 30. 30.
SPEAKER_01Oh, you can eat 30 chicken nugget.
SPEAKER_00I could eat 30 fuck. Yes, I could. Those the I would inhale them. Bro, I could eat more chicken than this than you.
SPEAKER_04I used to do the 50 nugget box for 20 bucks. Uh some green tea ice cream dessert. Yeah, it was. Green tea ice cream is dope. He was talking about the nuggets then.
SPEAKER_03I knew this chick had tried to do the 50 nugget challenge. She told me she just could not do it.
SPEAKER_04Dude, it was easy. You just be like, what? What's the time? And you be high. And you're like, this is easy.
SPEAKER_0250 nuggets in 10 minutes.
SPEAKER_03I mean I think I brought this up on the podcast before, but I watched a guy try to eat a bag of flaming hot uh Cheetos in fucking five minutes, and it looked really hard to do. He was like, what was the worst part about it? I was like, bro, the chewing. Dude, honestly, Cheetos give me the shits. Me too. You know what I would do? Crush the bag and then swallow the bits.
SPEAKER_04The one girl at my work always does that with chips. She crushes the bag and just drinks them.
SPEAKER_03What a legend.
SPEAKER_04I'm like, dude, you got it. You got it. That's how you eat with the work.
SPEAKER_03Keep going, bro. All right.
SPEAKER_02Um, serve and turf, Chick-fil-A, nugget, it's with honey, sushi, green tea ice cream. Oh, what else?
SPEAKER_03For that clue you need. Man, I didn't know we could pick multiple items. I said your budget was $100. $150.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, but for some reason I just limited myself to one thing and a drink. You did.
SPEAKER_03You said you spent the rest of it on a nice thing. I can get a $20 bottle of gin bean and get the same result. Chuck that in on mine too. I want a $20 bottle of gym bean. Okay.
SPEAKER_02Ashwarma from that place I love that doesn't exist anymore.
SPEAKER_00Uh, and uh a brand of iced tea that I won't name from like the recipe from like 20 years ago.
SPEAKER_04Would you guys uh I know the one. Yeah. Yeah, that was.
SPEAKER_03You guys, okay. Let's ask the friendship test. And then we'll close on this. Okay.
SPEAKER_04I'm not friends with any of you.
SPEAKER_03Sitting in a room right now, and for no particular reason, a bear climbs through the window and starts mauling me terribly. I'm fucked up. I'm in desperate need of help. The bear's done with me and waddles away as you guys look in shock that you couldn't believe you witnessed such an event. And in in that moment you realize as I'm about to be heading to the hospital, that not only were your hands accidentally handcuffed, but my penis was completely ripped off from the bear attack, and the only way to save my dick is that you guys gotta pick it up with your mouth. Would you do it?
SPEAKER_04Sure, why not?
SPEAKER_03I would I would for you too, Brando.
SPEAKER_04You need a penis.
SPEAKER_03You need a penis.
SPEAKER_04If we had to, yes.
SPEAKER_03Okay. I would do the same for you guys. I'd use my teeth. Because the thing we've learned here in Double Bass in the intermission is we care about the biggest. Double bass is gonna live for fucking ever. Forever.
SPEAKER_04Can we hit the the bear with the gavel?
SPEAKER_03No. Maybe. If you can do it with your mouth.
SPEAKER_04Maybe. Not enough force though.