Okay Educator Friends, today's episode is one that I've been wanting to tackle for a long time. Now I know you have so many choices of podcasts you can listen to. There are a ton out there with tech tips for teachers and classroom management and all those things, but you know I have a different take on it.
My zone of genius really kind of intersects between the work I've done in positive psychology, life coaching, all that stuff, and how to apply it to the world of teaching. So today's episode, even though you might think, ah, that doesn't really immediately sound like it, applies to me, I want you to think about it and give it a chance because in today's episode, we're going to really get to the crux of where and how and why you might be playing small in your life where you might not be showing up a hundred percent and And it boils down to this one thing, it's a term you may have heard of, which is imposter syndrome.
And I think there's a lot of it in education. So today we're going to do the deep dive into that. What is imposter syndrome? And more importantly, because I'm all about the empowerment, what can you do? do about it. So I'm excited to bring it to you. I will see you on the inside. Welcome to the Balance Your Teacher Life podcast, where we talk all things avoiding educator burnout, setting healthy boundaries, and achieving better work life balance.
If you're passionate about education, but tired of it consuming your whole life, You have found your home in the podcast universe. I'm your host, Grace Stevens, and let's get going with today's show.
And that's where you can get the most out of it. And I think it's a really, really important lesson in understanding how we can feel empowered to get over this. So let me share with you, you might be aware of this. It's a very famous book very famous study that a hospice nurse put together and it's called the top five regrets of the dying.
and You're going to be like, Oh my gosh, that's so depressing. But the number one regret that people who, you know, had time to contemplate the end of their life came up with was they wish they'd had the courage to live a life true to themselves, not the life that others expected of them. Right. And I think a lot of this comes down to.
What I said in the introduction is imposter syndrome, which is something that keeps you from playing small in your life. So there are a couple of things I want you to consider and they are kind of deep questions. You know, it's not like your usual kind of, you know, blog post with five essential tips, right?
Easy stuff. These are questions to kind of ruminate over. So one is, where is it that you might be playing small in your life? Like what are some things that if you could let go of imposter syndrome, of thinking you're not good enough, of worrying about other people's judgments, where in your life, maybe, you know, to do with education, outside of education too, what is it that you would be doing so that you could make sure when, You do get to the end of your life that you don't regret saying, you know, I wish I'd really done that.
Okay. So that's number one. And number two is because sometimes people tell me, I don't know what, you know, what what feelings I have about this or where this came from. You know, does it? You know, I'm not a therapist. Does it really matter where it came from? What I like to talk about is how we gonna fix it, right?
Does it really matter how it came here? But sometimes contemplating, you know, what was that kind of soundtrack of my childhood? What was it? What is it that plays on a loop in my head that subconsciously I absorbed, you know, from my caretakers that might be my contributing to this. For myself, I know what it is.
I do know what it was. The soundtrack of my childhood was, what will people think? Always. Oh my god, what will people think? What will people think? What will people think? My parents, massively concerned about other people's opinions and what will people think? Always wanted to appear middle class, even though we really weren't.
Always wanted to, you know, have the best behavior. You know, we were like sit in the front row in church kind of people, or at least my dad was. You know, what will people think? And that has really had a negative effect on my life. The other thing, you know, and I got to say, it's a worthiness issue. The other soundtrack that somehow I absorbed, and I don't think it was from my parents.
You know, I didn't come from a terribly educated household, but I had these big aspirations to go to college and do different things. And I ended up going to university in four different countries. Truth be told. You know, for me going to university was, you know, a way to get out of a crazy house. So it was a means to an end.
But the other soundtrack was, who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? So that, those are kind of like some of the kind of loops that might play in your head that might kind of play into this imposter syndrome. But let me show, tell you a little bit about how it might show up at work. Now.
Clearly, if you are a new teacher, there's a lot of new teachers have imposter syndrome, thinking they just don't have the experience and they compare themselves to veteran teachers. I don't know what I'm doing. What if the kids don't mind me? What if I have no control over classroom management? What if I can't, you know, juggle all the moving parts?
You know, I'm under qualified. Right? That's a lot of the stress that new teachers have, but let me tell you, veteran teachers have it too, right? Especially if, like for me, I had been teaching a long time and I'm pretty tech savvy, but I saw a lot of educators around me who were tenured, who had a lot of anxiety and imposter syndrome around technology.
As more and more things in the classroom get better. Go automated, especially, you know, testing and all those things Really a lot of imposter syndrome like who am I to be teaching this anymore? Right. Like I think they feel like they don't, they look towards the younger generation coming in thinking they have more energy, the better tech skills that maybe they can connect with students in a different way, right.
We grew up the older way. You know, more veteran teachers, we grew up, you know, without the internet, right? All the devices. You know, we were the generation of students who went to the library and took out encyclopedias. Okay, I mean, I learned math on a slide rule. Really, right? Calculators had just come out.
And so a lot of veteran teachers have, imposter syndrome that like we're too old, we can't connect with students anymore. We don't know the pressures. Maybe our own children are even older. I don't know the pressures of parents to constantly manage social media and all those things. For their children and for the students, right?
So I find that comes a lot with imposter syndrome. Now, regardless of whether you're a new teacher or an old teacher, another area that imposter syndrome comes up is when you're insecure about not knowing your content matter enough, maybe because you have a lack of advanced degrees. You learnt what you needed to know in college.
You haven't gone back to get advanced degrees. So I find that comes a lot with imposter syndrome. Not that an advanced degree does anything for you. I gotta tell ya, the last year I was teaching, there was a teacher who had just finished her student teaching. She had just cleared her credential. It was her first year teaching.
She was already getting a master's in education. Now, am I really somebody who's taught for 20 years gonna, supposed to feel insecure next to that person? Oh, I don't have a master's in education. The poor lady had barely taught for five minutes. What did she really know? I'm not going to talk about education other than what was in a book.
Okay, so let that one go. But I do understand that especially when students have so much access to so much knowledge that we can start to feel a little insecure about what if people, you know, students ask me questions I don't know the answer to. Right? Another way imposter syndrome shows up is, you know, teachers not feeling that they're the popular teacher either with students or with other staff members or with administrators.
We all know the golden children and if we're not one of them. So, does any of that resonate? Let me show you how it really shows up. Maybe you've never heard the words imposter syndrome before or really thought about it, but if any of these things apply to you, then it's something, you know, It might be affecting you.
Do you constantly measure yourself against other educators? Right? Do you compare yourself to peers? You know, feeling inadequate if you perceive others to be more successful or more knowledgeable, right? So are you constantly comparing yourself to peers? What about, do you set really high standards for yourself?
Do you set unrealistic Expectations for yourself, right? Believing you should know everything and be perfect at your teaching practice. What about this? Are you sensitive to feedback? Right? When you get constructive criticism. Do all you or maybe you're in higher education and you get student valuations, right?
Do you really take that personally? Do you see any negative feedback as confirmation of your inadequacy? Not like an area for you to grow, right? Maybe you are the teacher who You know, had your observation and then your administrator is meeting with you. And I've got to tell you, and I know this from the administrator cannot just say you're doing fantastic.
You know, on their rubric, they have to tell you an area that you need to improve in. Does that administrator tell you 10 areas that you've shone in? Like you did a great job. And then they came up and maybe they had to dig with it to find it. But they came up with one to two areas. areas that you need to improve in.
Do you really take that? Okay, so that's really helpful in terms of getting people to start to take that seriously and, and really start to feel down on yourself and your practice. Okay, that's one of the hints that maybe you're suffering from impostor syndrome. What about fear of failure? Are you kind of paralyzed by this fear of making mistakes?
And this is where I want to, you know, talk about this. Where is this fear of failure? Keeping you playing small in your life. Okay. Some other hints that you might be having some imposter syndrome. Are you insecure maybe about your teaching innovations, right? That it's holding you back at school from maybe taking on some really great projects or new roles.
Like I was, I was. Fascinated with science, right? If you have listened to this podcast, you have heard me talk about my star lab, right? The digital planetarium, putting on science fair, or it was my dream to take kids to science camp. I wasn't a science teacher. And I never felt really insecure about that, to be honest.
I had no background in science but I always felt that I could learn and I was excited about it. My passion was contagious and it didn't hold me back from taking on new initiatives at school and I'm really glad about that. Okay. I'm really glad about that. But what about you? Do you have a passion for drama?
Have you always wanted to start a drama club? But are you insecure thinking, Oh, well, you know, I didn't take drama in college. I have no credentials in that, right? You know, all these things. So if you suddenly start thinking you're not qualified to lead or teach, even if you have years of experience, but you're insecure about not having that formal education or credential or advanced degree, then maybe you got yourself some imposter syndrome.
Now, so now we know, yeah, we all get it sometimes, okay, right, but it is holding you back. What is, again, what are some things, where are you playing small in your life, where if you could get over this kind of insecurity, if you could move beyond the loop in your head, that tells you who do you think you are.
Or what will people think if you can move beyond that? Where are you playing small in your life? What would you love to do? I'm going to give you a couple examples of myself, right? I was always super insecure about my athletic ability. Never played a sport ever. At school, always wanted to play like a netball.
Never got picked for the team. I never got picked for the team was really awkward based on my body type. A lot of reasons, but it was very awkward in PE. And I never, you know, when they used to do that horrible thing where, please tell me you don't do this, where you choose two captains and have them choose people who are on your team.
I'll pick you. I'll pick you. I'll pick you. I'll pick you. You know that. I was like the last, I was never even picked. By default. I was the person left over. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whoever's team I was on had already turned around and groaned and walk off. That, you know, I was on the team with them. It was pretty sad.
Okay. And it always kept me from pursuing anything. I did do yoga, some, some things that I could do in the privacy of my own home. But finally, when I was 40 years old my ex husband bought me a bike and it was a cruiser, it was called a flat foot that you could put your feet on the ground. I'd never ridden a bike before.
I was afraid I was going to fall. Okay. And I. Love that thing, this beach cruiser weight, a hundred pounds, I've got to tell you. I started riding it, never ridden a bike till I was 40. By the time I was 45, I rode a Cinderella ride, which was a women's only ride. It was a hundred kilometer ride, right? It was called a metric century, like I loved it.
I rode a hundred kilometers in one day and I started riding smaller rides 50 mile rides, 25 mile rides, like. Love riding my bike. Okay. What if I had never kind of got over that? Right. Have you always wanted to run a marathon or maybe even a 5k, right? Have you wanted to learn a new sport, pickleball?
Have you wanted to start a side hustle? Right. I started a side hustle, a business, becoming a writer and doing other things in my mid forties out of necessity, to be honest, I started writing for other people because I had imposter syndrome. I hid behind other people. I was a ghost writer before I published my own books.
Okay. So there are places that this kind of insecurity is holding you back. And let me tell you some of the greatest. You know, really fulfilling moments in my life, riding the bike rides, publishing books, all those things. If I had let that loop of who do you think you are and what will other people think hold me back, I would never have done them.
So here are six tips again. I always say, does it really matter where it came from? I mean, with awareness comes choice. Like sometimes it's helpful to figure out where these things came from, but more empowering is what are we going to do about now? I always like to say, you know, if you're feeling insecure, you know, feelings aren't facts and they aren't forever.
You know, know that you don't always need to feel that way. If you've always been insecure about something or had imposter syndrome about something, there's no reason that needs to continue to be the soundtrack of your life. But choose a new song. I was going to say change a record, but some of you might not.
Remember what a record was. Change a record on the turntable. Maybe now you choose a new Spotify playlist. Okay. All right. So here's going to be six tips for overcoming imposter syndrome and kind of live in your best life, basically. In school, out of school. So number one, everybody's got it. Just acknowledge that.
Everybody is insecure about something. Okay. Thank you Okay. Practice a little self compassion, right? I used to get really frustrated at myself. You know, I really wanted to learn to play pickleball. And I even gave myself, I can't believe I'm going to share this with you. This is what I told myself. I said, just don't leave.
Doesn't matter if you cry, doesn't matter if you have a panic attack. Fun fact, I did. Just don't leave. Just stay. Tell yourself you're going to stay. And now I love playing pickleball, right? It took weeks of that. It was the same. I learnt salsa dance. I had been told my whole life I had two left feet.
Well, not my whole life, but 20 years of marriage. And I finally got the courage to go to dance class first day. Couldn't even get out the car. Second week, made it out the car, ran straight to the bathroom. Somebody came in the bathroom, said, come on, come out and start dancing. And you know, one of the greatest joys in my life.
So have some self compassion saying, Oh, I always do this, you know, is not helpful. Like some days be like that, right? Just kind of get a little curious. Like, where does this come from? You know, it came from being told I had two left feet. Well, is that true? No. It isn't. Okay? So, understand, feelings aren't facts, and they aren't forever, just because you feel this way now, don't get down on yourself, you can feel differently.
Okay, so number one, recognize everybody has it in one form or another, and practice some self compassion. Know that it's not forever. You can change it. Okay, tip number two. Good Lord, stop the comparison game. Stop comparing yourself to others. Now listen, it is easier than ever to compare ourselves because of social media.
Come on now, recognize that social media is carefully curated, images and stories of like the best day somebody's having in the classroom, the best teacher outfit of the week, all those things. Right. When I started a business, even now I started this podcast, you know, it's not growing as quick as I want.
Like I always come back to this idea. Don't compare your start to somebody else's middle. Like I can't compare my podcast to let's say Cult of Pedagogy, right? Jen Gonzalez. She started that podcast 10 years ago before it was even a thing. Yay her. She has a huge podcast, a huge one. I can't compare myself to her.
Right. Just getting started, right? Stop the comparison game. And especially with social media. You know those Pinterest worthy classrooms. You know, maybe that's just the only thing they've done all year. Maybe it's from three years ago they just took the photo, right? So, stop the comparison. Okay? That's really not helpful.
Okay, so number one, practice self compassion. Remember that everybody has some form of imposter syndrome. Number two, stop the comparison game. Number three, and this is really based in school, what does happen? When you don't know the answer to something, it's a teachable moment. It's a teachable moment. If you're with students and they ask a question and you're like, huh, I don't actually know that.
Let's investigate together. Or maybe you say something and a teach student challenge is you want it. No, that isn't right. Okay. Okay. Let's look at it. Okay. It's a teachable moment. One of the things that we, so. So, the first thing you need to teach students of every age is how to effectively research information.
What does that Google search look like? Right? Garbage in, garbage out. Like, what should the prompt be? And then, most importantly, how do you evaluate the search? For bias. There are adults in this country, so many of them, who believe everything they read on the internet or that they hear streaming on their, you know, their feed and they do not understand this.
This is all algorithm. Driven. That whatever you've showed an interest in, it will keep showing up. And then we have a tendency for confirmation bias. And so we think that's the only opinion out there. It is killing democracy in this country, I will get off my soapbox. But if you are a teacher, You absolutely, at every age, need to be teaching students how to evaluate what they find on the internet.
What resources they're looking at for bias, right? And what constitutes a good search on Google, right? What are valid sites, what are not valid sites, right? So if somebody challenges you on something you don't know, Hey, you know what? I don't actually know. Let's look at that together. Right, while you've got it projected, go Google, ask kids what do you think a good search query would be for this?
What kind of sites should we look at, right? Absolutely teachable moment. So that, that's priceless right there. You're going to hope, don't have imposter syndrome about that, hope that somebody challenges you or asks you a deep question that you don't know the answer to. Okay, number five, you know, set realistic goals.
If you're somebody who kind of. Deals with imposter syndrome either by procrastinating or by over functioning, right? Doing everything, being a perfectionist. If like you have either of those two tendencies, a lot of them actually are based in imposter syndrome. Find yourself a mentor, an accountability partner.
You teach a bestie. When you come up with some goals for yourself, run it by them. Hey, is this realistic? It's okay to share that you are working on something that is not based on just student outcomes. You're working on this for yourself so that you can have a better quality of life. And I am 100 percent, hell I'm gonna die on, if you have a better teaching experience and a better quality of life, there is no way your students and the school culture will not benefit from that.
Okay? So it was a worthy goal. Okay, number four. This was an idea I heard on another podcast, pretty sure it was Jen Sincero, who wrote the book You Are a Badass. Sorry if you've got kids listening in the car. You Go ahead, write yourself a badass list. A badass list, you know what that is? That is a list of all the things you have accomplished.
I don't care if it was winning the science fair in third grade. All the things that you're really proud of yourself about, that you were insecure about, but you managed to do anyway. Write that list. I put it on a note in my phone, you know, and I add to it as I go. Sometimes when I'm about to do something that I'm nervous about, You know, a lot of times I'm about to talk at a conference and it's a new conference I haven't been to before or something else, like I'm constantly stretching myself.
Sometimes I pull up that list and you know, things on it are really like I was the first person in my school, my school and my family to get continuing education, right? I'm fluent in three languages. I started a business in my mid forties. Hey, I started a podcast when I was 58. Right. I became an American citizen and I became a teacher.
Those two things seemed impossible to me. I was deeply entrenched in a corporate career. How was I ever going to be able to, you know, take this massive pause, get new credentials, change the trajectory of my life, right? I raised two happy, healthy, productive, respectful children. It's the most respectful, energetic, just light of the world members of society, right?
I raised two great kids. So there's a lot of things that you can put on your badass list and you want to, you know, write it out and stick it in your lesson planner if you're at school or put it in your phone. Like look at it and add to it. You know, I started with five or six things and then, you know, over the course of a couple of months, I would kind of think about it.
Well, yeah, that was really badass. I'm adding it to the list, right? You know what? I did natural childbirth twice, right? Proud of that. Not to shame anybody who didn't. It's not about anybody else, right? It's only about you. What are you proud of? Maybe somebody else wouldn't be proud of the same accomplishments.
And you have, but you're proud of it. And it was a struggle for you and you managed to do it anyway. Right? I showed up to salsa dancing classes consistently for a year. You know, maybe to somebody else that isn't bad ass. But for me who had a panic attack the very first time, and had low key anxiety about it for the first three months, Right?
Like, that was huge. Okay, so, cannot recommend enough that you make yourself a badass list. Now, the last strategy I'm gonna give you, you're gonna say you're right. Like, that's so easy. Okay, it's the worth. The work of a lifetime. I tend to say that a lot. It is the work of a lifetime. Why not start it now?
And that is, you know, most of imposter syndrome comes when you
You are more interested in external validation than you are in internal validation. So think of what I just said about your badass list. Like my list is things I'm proud of. Maybe you wouldn't be proud of them, but it's me. It's what I am proud of. These are things that I knew I had to overcome. So. Be less concerned about what other people think.
Now, I recognize you know, I'm going to turn 59 next year. I cannot believe that. Pushing 60, who cares? There are so many gifts that come with age, but one of them that has come literally in my fifties, and if you're not there yet, wait till you get here. Let me tell you something. You start being spectacularly less concerned.
About what other people think. Really. It's a beautiful thing. In low key, you know, kind of frustrated myself how many years I let that hold me back. What will people think? Again, it was the soundtrack of my childhood. What will people think? It took me a long time to let that go. You know, people who I care about.
It's like that Dr. Seuss. Those who Those who matter, don't mind. And those who mind, don't matter. You know? Right? The people around me who love me, of course, I value their opinion, but they're supportive of me and whatever my dreams are. Right? The people who are critical, who cares? Right? Now, at school, this really holds people back.
I know a lot, again, like I'm saying, if you wanted to start a new club or some kind of activity after school and you're concerned that people don't think you have the qualifications for it, what if you are the person who sets really healthy boundaries for yourself, yay you, I'm so proud of you, and you leave work on time?
Very regularly. Do you fear judgment over that? Cause you know, there are people judging you, you know, they're judging you. You know what that boils down to? They're jealous. They're like, what does she know that I don't know? How does she always get her work done? Or he gets his work done and he leaves on time.
Like, you know, that's really the crux of it. Okay. So your six tips. One, recognize everybody has imposter syndrome one way or another, no matter what they're calling it. Practice self compassion and remind yourself feelings aren't facts and they aren't forever. You can operate and feel differently. Number two, stop the comparison game.
Number three, if it happens in class that there's something you don't know, embrace that as a teachable moment. Number four. Get busy writing yourself a bad ass list. Number five, check in with someone, a mentor, an accountability partner. Are your goals realistic? Okay? And number six, Again, so much easier said than done.
Stop with that. What will other people think? Okay. Don't be like me. Don't wait till you're in your fifties to start really valuing internal validation over external validation. Cause I promise you. When you get to a beautiful ripe old age and you are looking back over your life and this is proven out time and time again, like I said with the book, the very famous book and the very famous study The Regrets of the Dying, people regret the stuff they didn't do more than the stuff they did, right?
They wish they had lived a life that was authentic doing what they wanted to do. They just, you know, they wish they had blown through imposter syndrome. And that's what I want. Okay. I think the world to you for being here, for investing time in thinking about these things and wanting to have a better experience for your life.
You just for showing up here, you are a bad ass and you know, it'll make you even more so. Why don't you tell a friend about this podcast? If there's someone you work with, who's an education, a colleague, you teach a bestie, negative Nelly on campus. That would be kind of like in the form of passive aggressive hint, but regardless, right, if there is somebody who you think could give value from this podcast, tell them, don't keep it a secret.
If you have a minute, go on whatever app that you're listening on, smash some stars. You know, I would ask for a review, but I know most you listen when you're Or a lot of you listen, you know, on a phone. It's hard to write a review on a phone. Come on, man. Just, but you can smash some stars, right? That helps the podcast grow.
That helps people find it. It helps teachers like you have a more positive experience. And that is my passion and my mission in this world. All right. And I blew past imposter syndrome to. I let go of every self doubt, like what do I have to share with the world that other people don't? Let me tell you, everybody has gifts and talents to share with the world.
So anyway, thank you for listening. Go have yourself a badass week. And in the meantime, create your own path and bring your own sunshine.