12 Rules for Setting Healthy Boundaries in School and at Home

Many of us know that we need to do a better job expressing our needs, wants, desires, and preferences, but we don't know how to start the conversation or do it in a productive, positive way. 

If, like me, you suffer from being a chronic -people pleaser, this episode is for you!
I dive deep into the art of setting healthy boundaries – a game-changer for teachers who want to avoid burnout and rediscover their work-life balance. 🏋️‍♀️💪

Why Boundaries Matter for Teachers

Setting boundaries isn't about building walls – it's about creating lanes that allow you to navigate your professional and personal life with confidence. By establishing clear expectations and limits, you're not only protecting your well-being but also fostering healthier relationships with colleagues, students, and administrators. 🤝

I will cover the 12 Essential Rules for setting healthier boundaries at school and at home. Key concepts include:

🎯  Setting boundaries is a loving act, both for yourself and others.

🎯  Start with small, manageable boundaries and build up your confidence.

🎯  Use "I" statements to express your needs without putting others on the defensive.

🎯  Be prepared to enforce your boundaries, but always do so with grace and professionalism.

I give you all the details you need to start setting healthier boundaries TODAY.
Remember, dear teachers: You have the right to a balanced life! By implementing these boundary-setting strategies, you're not just improving your own well-being – you're setting a powerful example for your students and your teaching colleagues. ✨

➡️ To get your FREE 🎁 PDF Guide The Professional Teacher's Guide to Saying "No" visit: www.gracestevens.com/sayno

Want to truly thrive in teaching without sacrificing your personal life?
Check out my signature on-demand self-study course, Balance Your Teacher Life. Complete details here: www.gracestevens.com/balance

📘 My latest (and greatest!) book:
The Empowered Teacher Toolkit
Check out the best-selling Positive Mindset Habits for Teachers book here
Beat Teacher Burnout with Better Boundaries book here

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Transcript

  Okay, teacher friends, welcome back. I'm so glad you're here. You are not gonna want to miss this week's episode. It is super tactical. It is gonna have 12 rules for you, 12 tactics. I, this is something we all struggle with, with one. degree or another. For me, in the last decade, I have really got my act together in this area better than ever before.

It was a huge area of growth for me. And what is it? Oh, it's a very buzzword right now, setting boundaries. But what does that really mean? It means recognizing  Here for me was the big thing, was just recognizing that I had the right, I had the right to have needs, wants and desires. Having needs, wants and desires, preferences, it doesn't make you needy, okay, it just makes you human and many of us I find have really been conditioned one way or another, you know, if you've ever found yourself saying yes, To something that you didn't really wanna do, or if even when your family asks you, Hey, you wanna do this, you wanna do that?

And you say, I don't mind. When you really, really do and you're thinking, oh, they should know better. You're expecting them to be mind readers, you know, that's really not fair. Setting boundaries is really just knowing what are our non-negotiables versus what are our needs and preferences? How do we.

express them and how do we act? What are the rules for ourselves? How do we set ourselves up for success? We cannot control other people's behavior, right? It's not about controlling others at all.  So in this episode, I have had others which specifically, how do you set boundaries to say no? How do you set boundaries with negative people?

But here are the 12 rules to help you setting Any boundaries, whether it's at school or outside of school, you are not going to want to miss this episode. There's going to be a few things I think that are going to make you go, huh, I never thought about it that way before. And it's all good. You're going to enjoy it.

I will see you on the inside.  Welcome to the Balance Your Teacher Life podcast, where we talk all things avoiding educator burnout, setting healthy boundaries, and achieving better work life balance.  If you're passionate about education, but tired of it consuming your whole life, you have found your home in the podcast universe.

I'm your host, Grace Stevens, and let's get going with today's show. 

So what is a boundary? A lot of people will say, Oh, it's a fence or it's a wall. It's something that keeps you safe. Yes, it is. But that, I don't really like that analogy. I like to explain it like this, right? So that we understand that boundaries are actually super necessary. And it's a super loving thing to do to actually set them.

So this is how I look at boundaries, okay? Because when people say it's a fence or it's a wall, they're thinking of the non negotiables, okay? But boundaries are so much more than that. So let's think about a freeway. Okay, there's a freeway and there is going to be a guardrail. If it's a dual carriageway, what we call in England, where there's like three lanes of traffic going one way and three going in the other, that guardrail is going to be in the middle, right?

So you don't cross over into the other lane to keep you safe. In America we have some really Take care and I will see you in the next one. However, think about a freeway or a motorway, whatever you want to call it, that has, you know, more than two, three lanes of traffic.  Where would we be if we didn't have the lanes in the road?

If we didn't have the lanes in the road showing us where to go, it would be chaos. People would be cutting each other off. We would be in each other's lanes. Nobody would know what would be happening. It would literally be chaos. Those lanes.  Our desires, our preferences, maybe we can cross over them, right?

They're flexible, a little more flexible than that guardrail, with some notice and some pre planning, we can cross over them. Okay, so that's what boundaries are. We need to express them. It's a loving thing to do. We can't get mad that people drive into our lane if we've never told them where our lane is. 

Okay, it's this awful passive aggressive thing that I used to do too, that I used to think they should know better. They don't, they can't read your mind. Let me just give you so many examples about school. But I find that people who have issues setting boundaries at school, also it's, you know, it's in all parts of their lives, right?

So is this what happened to you? Is that, you know, your spouse or somebody asks you, Hey, what do you want for your birthday? You want to party? You want this, you want that? Oh no, it's okay. You don't have to do anything. Oh my gosh, landmine. And then when they fail to produce even a card or acknowledgement that it's a day, like you're grumpy and you're upset, like they should have known better, right?

They should know what I like. They should have done something. Okay. Well, we should have told him.  And a loving way to do that in that example is, Hey, you know what? You're a really thoughtful gift giver. Just give me something, you know, that I will love. Not something that I need, please. Something that I will love.

They're not the same thing. And if, and just ask somebody, do you not, you know, Hey, maybe some, buy me something I would never treat myself to.  Right, theater tickets, movie tickets, like something I would never treat myself to. That's, that's what I say now. You know, don't buy me a mixer or a vacuum cleaner.

If my mixer breaks or my vacuum cleaner breaks, I'm gonna go buy one. I'm an adult. Treat me to something I would never treat myself to. That's a good answer for that. Don't just get mad. They didn't do anything when you said, no, no, don't do anything for me. It's a terrible way to communicate. It's intrinsically unfair.

Okay. So there's, that's what a boundary is. It's your needs, your preferences, your desires, as well as your non negotiables. Now I've had lots of episodes about this, right? Like, how do you have a hard no to things that are not at all part of your required duty. That would be somebody comes and asks you to be on some extra committee.

Right? A wellness committee, a safety committee, a language arts, something that has really above and beyond the scope of your job, right? That can be a hard no. Lots of episodes on how to say that professionally in a student focused way. And then there are these yes with limitations, right? This is when it is actually part of your job.

Maybe you're the music teacher putting on a concert. Maybe you're the P. E. teacher doing some fun run club, right? Something like that. So it is affiliated to your job, but you still need to set a boundary, right? People do not have carte blanche to expect you to be working, you know, an extra 15 hours a week.

So I'm going to be saying yes to those things, but set limitations. So I'm going to be saying yes to those things, but set limitations. And I also have episodes on that. Go back and look, plenty of stuff on that. All right. But in this episode, I want to talk about, because lots of people ask me, this is something that comes up.

So in my I have a really robust module, lots of resources, lots of videos and help and sample scripts, everything inside the elevated teacher experience. There are so many resources to help people with this whole piece of setting boundaries.  But I find that when I do the community calls, when people either send in questions or show up live to the call, these are the questions I have.

They're like, how would I say this? How do I go around that? Right? It's all this kind of insecurity about setting a boundary, like, Oh, people just gonna, you know, they're going to judge me. They're going to think I'm lazy. They're going to think I don't care for kids. Like we've got to get over all those misconceptions.

Okay.  It's not true. If you're protecting your energy, if you're making sure you show up the best version of yourself, that's the best thing you can do for kids, okay? That's my whole premise of the, of your energy teaches more than your lesson plans, okay? But because people seem to struggle with these actual, well, what are the rules?

What are some good rules for setting healthy boundaries? I'm going to go through them, right? I'm going to go through 12, Rules, okay? Seems like we like to have everything you know, tied up in a bow with a strategy list that we can we can work on. Okay, so rule number one is fix your mindset.  Right?

That's what we just talked about. So understand you are worthy of having needs, desires, preferences. You have a right to set boundaries, right? Letting people know your expectations and limits is respectful, and it's the foundation of healthy relationships, both personally and professionally. Okay. All right.

So that's number one, fix your mindset.  All right. Then there are what I call your rights. You just have some basic, we have some basic human rights here. You do not need to feel guilty about this. You have a right to say no without guilt. You have a right to be treated respectfully. Everybody does.  You have a right to put your needs on par with everyone else's.

Nothing to say that you're stinking Cinderella just because you are a mom, a caregiver, a teacher, a dad, like you, you get to have needs too. You're not Cinderella. You don't need to put everybody else's needs first. Your parents, if you get guilted into that, right? If you're the sibling that always does stuff, right?

There's four of you, but everybody expects you to take care of mom and dad. Come on, man. You have a right to have your needs put on par with someone else's. Okay. Don't fall for that. Like, Oh, but you have all summer off. Okay. You deserve your summer off. You shouldn't spend it.  Suddenly like everybody else's like needs and wants and chores get delegated to you just because you have summers off, right?

And the last right, you have a right to reject other people's unreasonable expectations. Okay. So that's the first two things. Fix your mindset, right? Setting boundaries is healthy. Number two, you have a right to set them. Now, before we get into some tactics, let's have a look at another kind of.  High level kind of thing.

First off, start slow.  Okay?  Don't tackle your most frustrating or stressful boundary issue right out of the gate. Okay, this is something new for you. Setting boundaries is a skill that can be learned, but it takes practice. Don't start with the thing that's causing you the most stress, right? Start with some low stakes preferences to kind of gain your Confidence and to find your authentic voice, right?

Like I, I provide scripts to people in my membership and it is an excellent place to start, but y'all don't talk like me. Okay. Over time, you're going to get confidence in your own style. You're going to find your own vocabulary in a way that feels, you know, natural to you. Okay, and remember, setting boundaries is always is not always a yes no proposition, okay?

So an excellent place to start with kind of like flexing your boundary muscle, which I like to think of it like a muscle, kind of like your happy muscle too, right? You've got to do reps. The more you do it, the easier it's going to come and the more heavy lifting.  So the easiest place to start is setting boundaries with limits.

If it's not in your nature or your experience to say no to things, especially at school, start with setting limits, right? If it's tough for you to start with a no, give a yes with strict limitations and then stick to them. Let me tell you what episode, I did a whole episode on that. Let me look for the number for you.

I wrote it down. Hold on. All right. So.  Lots of episodes, but let's start with these. Episode 48 was how to reject things that are in your area of expertise. So that would be what I call yes with limitations, right? You're saying yes to something, you can't say no to it, but you're going to put limitations on it.

So for example, let's say that, okay, well, you know, you you're going to put on science fair, or you're going to train people for science Olympiad. Yes. I'm happy to do that again this year. As long as. And then set the limit, like I only coach students one day a week, between this time and this time, that administrators back me up in my pickup policy, right?

That's the worst, right? When you train kids or do something with students after school, and then their parents just like think it's free babysitting  or, you know, your involvement ends at 4. 30 or 5 and they don't come rolling around till 5. 30, right? So some backup with that. So go back and listen to that episode if you want some specific examples.

But the very second episode was how to say no in a student focused way. That's episode two. And then if you want to hop over to episode 59, a part of my back to school series, that's episode two. Or getting ready for back to school. I did a whole episode on having a complete boundary plan. So helping you think of maybe things that you hadn't thought of.

Oh, I need to set a boundary with this too. Not just with with admin, but with parents, with students, with coworkers, right? All those things. So how do we do that? All right. So.  With me so far? Okay, tip number one was fix your mindset, right? Number two, remember your boundary rights. Number three, start slow.

Okay, don't, don't go  all in with the biggest issue  in your marriage, in your home, or at school. Don't go in with the biggest issues. Get your legs first. Alright, and then tip four is don't, you know, plan and practice what you'll say before you approach the conversation. Right, it's going to give you confidence.

Right? You really want to work on the phrasing because the goal in these conversations, I know it seems scary to us, right? Oh my gosh, I'm going to be awkward. For me, I always get the red neck. Oh, when I'm uncomfortable, my neck goes bright red. Like, oh, I've got zero tell. Like, I could never be a poker player.

Like, I mean, I've got zero bluff is what I'm saying. Like, my neck goes bright red. Like, sometimes my voice will even start to tremble. Like, Oh, it's just awkward, right? But you want to practice so you're confident because this is the vibe you want, right? Vibe check here, friends. The goal is for people to understand if you're saying no, you're rejecting their proposition.

You're not rejecting them.  Okay, did you hear that? Let me say that again. The goal, how you want people to feel when you're done talking to them, is they don't want to, just like you shouldn't take it personally, you don't want to present things in a way that makes people feel that that it was personal, right?

You are rejecting their proposition. If they're asking you to do something you don't want to do it at school, you're not rejecting them, okay?  All right, so that's number four. So that brings me to number five. How do we do this? How do we make sure that people know it's nothing they should take care of personally?

And this is number five is using I language. I as in the capital I. That means setting boundaries is about your behavior.  It's not about trying to control other people. It's, you can't, you can't control what other people do, right? It's about your behavior. What are you going to do, right? So when discussing with them, you're going to use sentences that begin with I, not you, which makes people defensive.

It makes them feel attacked. It makes them feel rejected. For example, like, let's say that you I have an issue to discuss with your, with your spouse or your co worker. You don't want to say, you make me feel overwhelmed when you do this. You do this, I'm setting a boundary. No, I, I feel overwhelmed when I get frustrated when you step into my room and my prep period, and I'm so excited to see you.

And I have no self control over how long I spend talking to you. And consequently, I lose my whole prep period and I don't get any work done. Right.  You're taking responsibility for yourself. So I want to set this boundary. How about when you come in, we limit it to five minutes of, of chit chat, or let's plan one day a week,  where we hang out at lunch and get caught up.

But not when it's our mutual prep period and we're trying to get stuff done, right? See the difference between I get overwhelmed and I get frustrated at myself, then you always come in here and hijack my prep time. Right? Not a loving thing to say. Okay, so that's number five. We're going to use I language so people know we're rejecting the idea, we're not rejecting them.

Right. Number six.  Remember, you are not the only person in the conversation. Okay? The other person has needs, preferences, and boundaries too. Right? The goal is for a win win, right? To actively listen and approach the discussion with a win win mentality. Right? We want, ideally in life, we want both parties to get their needs met.

Now, sometimes we're going to have to, you know, find common ground in the middle, make some compromises. Okay, make some alternate suggestions. I'm unable to do this for you but I can help you train the new person. Okay, like help with succession planning. Let's say you've had a duty that everybody assumes you're going to do.

Organize graduation, the yearbook, whatever, something that isn't actually your job, but you've just been doing it for years and years and years. Oh my gosh, in elementary school, it was field day, organizing field day. Some poor person got stuck with that, you know, for two decades and then handed it off to the next person.

And, you know, I think they should have been smart enough to know this was not a one year preposition proposition. Like, Oh, I'll do it for you this year. You're overwhelmed. Like you're going to get stuck with that duty. So  we know this is how education works, right? So maybe like, okay, I really can't do it this year. 

And here's what I can't do. Not but, right? You know that when you're talking to people you say but they stop listening to everything you said before. So I'm, so the word is and not but. Maybe I should do a whole episode on that. Sometimes some people are missing, you know, these little kind of nuances in communication can make all the difference, but so I can't help, you know, I'm giving you plenty of notice.

I'm going to be unable to do field day this year, and I am willing to help Train the new person, transition it off, right? So, a win win, something where everybody wins. Okay, remember a lot of times your administrator, if your administrator is asking you to do something, really all they care about is that they're done with, it's done without their involvement.

I mean, bottom line, that's the truth. They want it done. They want it done without them getting involved. They really don't care who does it. So if you know, fine, so, you know, before you hand off a duty that is traditionally yours, go find your own replacement.  Okay, that's really the best idea is just if you possibly can.

Hey, I'm not going to be doing this this year. Don't panic.  This person's going to do it. We've already set up a plan on how to transition the responsibilities. Okay, that's a win win for everybody right there. Not always possible, but when we can. All right, number seven. Consider the timing and the location of the discussion. 

All right, in general,  Personal relationship boundaries should be talked about in private, right? Even if the person's a co worker, you don't want to confront them or embarrass them, you know, in front of their colleagues. It's, it's not their colleague's business, right? For the most part. Now, there are times that you want a witness to your conversation. 

So with that, you know, this would be a circumstance where if somebody has repeatedly ignored your boundaries, right, or tries to bully you.  Right? To take things on that you've repeatedly declined, right? Or the boundary is with something like they're making inappropriate jokes or inappropriate comments.

You've already asked them to stop. They're not respecting your boundaries. Then you actually are going to want a witness. Okay? Then you're going to schedule a time and let them know you're bringing in a neutral party, you know, to take notes, you know, whatever. But, you know, kind of put them on notice.

Don't spring it on them.  Okay, but in general, if it's a delicate topic, topic, excuse me, for sure the first time in private, don't want to embarrass people. Don't put them in a position where they've got to. It's kind of the same with students, right? Don't put them in a position where they've got, they feel like they need to save face.

Right. That's where you get into like power struggles, right? How's that? How an easy conversation turns into like some big confrontation, right? It escalates because now there's a power struggle, but if.  So this is number seven is consider the timing and the location. So I'm suggesting private unless you need a witness because this is not your first time talking to this person about this issue.

All right, so that brings us to number eight. No surprise conversations, like don't just plan ahead, right? Even a casual, hey, when's a good time to talk to you about something today, right? It's better than interrupting somebody when they're working or they're talking to someone else, okay? It's just, firstly, it allows you to gather your thoughts and it's more respectful.

Right. It just allows you to approach the conversation in a gentle and productive way. And if somebody says to you, Hey, well, what is it that you want to talk to me about? Hey, you know what? There's just something, you know, kind of give them a heads up so that they can be prepared too. That's not really fair to bring things on people.

Okay. So number eight, no surprise conversations.  Right. Number nine, so we've already talked about this. Know the difference between preferences, desires, and non negotiables. Okay. Non negotiables should be just that. Those are typically things that are dangerous,  unethical,  goes against your core values. 

Right?  I mean a lot of teachers will say, oh my non negotiable is taking work home on the weekend. Okay, well that's neither dangerous, unethical or, you know, maybe it does go back to your core value that work should be work and home should be home. But let's say there's a fundraiser once a year on a Saturday.

Like, that's not a big deal. So I always said I, Didn't want to take work home on the weekend, but whenever there was something, you know, maybe twice a year, you know, breakfast with Santa and our annual auction fundraiser, like, so, you know, it can be a little flexible, but if somebody was asking me to do something, you know, unethical  or dangerous or against my core values, absolutely not non negotiable, right?

But other things should be, you know,  Flexible, as we already talked about. Okay, so know the difference between what is a non negotiable for you, just like an absolute no go.  Hopefully there aren't too many of them. Hopefully nobody at your school is asking you to do things that are dangerous or unethical.

But like for me, I'm never gonna be comfortable with people standing around gossiping or saying unkind things about people who aren't there. There's a general rule I'm going to say something in that situation. I'm going to say, Hey, you know what? I'm feeling uneasy with this. I would prefer that I prefer that not to talk about people who aren't present to defend themselves.

Right? Again, about me. I'm not going to say you shouldn't be gossiping because I know full well once I go away, not only are they going to continue the conversation, they're going to say, Oh my God, what's up with her?  I don't care. It's my core value. All right. Number 10, don't. Take  resistance personally, okay?

This is hard, right? You, you invest time, you invest energy, you've practiced, you're ready to go set your boundary and if it doesn't go so well, you know,  takes time for people to adjust their expectations. If you've always been the go to person, if you have cheerfully accepted everything that's thrown of you and suddenly now you're like, huh, you know, it's not going to work for me.

Like it, it takes times for people to adjust their expectations. Okay. But I am going to say.  The people who are  most put out  by you setting boundaries, healthy boundaries, I'm not talking about unrealistic things that suddenly you become inflexible and, you know, unhelpful and not a team player. I'm just talking about your run of the mill, normal, what most people would consider would be normal, healthy boundaries.

You finally start advocating for yourself. The people who are most put out by it are the people who are benefiting the most From you not having any boundaries  You hear what I'm saying? If  your partner is used to you doing everything at home,  I mean, let's go back to one of my other points. We're going to start gently.

We're not going to go on strike. Mom's on strike. Dad's on strike. I'm not cooking. I'm not cleaning. I'm not doing anything. I'm not taking, right? Okay. But if you try and set reasonable boundaries and somebody's upset, it's because they were having, they gotta have some time to adjust. And. Again, I'm just going to put it out there.

I'm not telling you how to live your life. I don't want to get in the middle of your relationships in school or out of school, but as a general rule, it is true that if people are super upset that you're setting  normal  boundaries, it's because they have been taking advantage of you. There you go. I said it right.

They've been the people most benefiting from you not having them. All right,  so number 11, you've got to be prepared to enforce a consequence,  right? Setting boundaries, again, it's not about controlling people. It's not about punishing them, but you've got to be prepared to follow through. Okay, you've got to follow through.

You've got to ultimately be prepared. willing to step away from a situation or a relationship if nobody is respecting your boundaries. That's just is what it is. Like you can't just set a boundary and then let people trample all over it. Then, you know, what was the point? Certain, you know, you can gently remind people, but if there is just a blatant. 

Disregard for your needs, preferences, wants, and non negotiables, whether that's at home or in a professional situation on campus, that situation is toxic.  So.  You're going to need more help than this podcast with that. But just be aware that if you say that you're going to, there's a boundary. If you say you're going to enforce a consequence, you need to do it.

And then the last one, 12, I always take the high road. Just, you know, with love in our heart, give people grace. This is new for you to be setting boundaries. Maybe if, you know, they're taken aback, maybe they become hostile or agitated or, you know, panicked. If it's somebody who really is like, Oh my gosh, I'm used to you doing everything.

What do you mean? Right. Try and if, if people.  You know, extend them some grace. Okay. But if somebody does become hostile, agitated, unethical, just rise above, don't, you're not going to compromise your values or lower your communication style to be at their level. They start yelling. Guess what? Time to set another boundary.

Hey, I can't hear you when you're yelling. Okay, that's your boundary. I language. I can't hear you when you're yelling. I can't focus and hear what you're saying when you're angry. I'm going to step away and we're going to continue this conversation when we're both calm. See that?  They start yelling, set another boundary.

All right. So,  and here's just the thing, right? Just be a professional. Maintain confidentiality. All right. Don't add fuel to the fire by gossiping about the interaction right now. If your matter is, you know, ethical concern and you need to escalate it, then, you know, do so  confidentially, do it professionally.

If you decide that that is the time that you need a witness certainly get the witness but in general unless it's something that needs to be escalated yeah taking the high road means a lot you know and you never regret taking the high road and it really boils down to I'm trying to  like say it nicely like just don't gossip about it don't go talking to other people about it that's not great. 

Okay all right I tried to keep it short there's a lot to unpack in there let me go over the 12. Rules. Okay, I gave you some other resources, lots of episodes here on the very specific nitty gritty. Remember if you want to practice and you want all the scripts and the different scenarios and to work on your own boundary plan, you know, come join us in the Elevated Teacher Membership, okay?

Come for a month, get what you need and leave if that's what it takes. I'm not, I don't gatekeep, I don't drip the content a little by little so that you have to stay. It's all there, come get what you need. Alright, so let's go over the 12 steps. So number one, fix your mindset. Right?  Fix your mindset, it's a loving thing to do. 

Number two, remember your rights. You have a right to have needs and wants. Okay? You don't need to be Cinderella. Okay?  Number three, start slow. Do not tackle your most frustrating or stressful boundary issue right off the gate. Right? Start with some low stakes things to get your confidence, get your, your sea legs.

Right? Number four, practice. Practice. Right? Remember, what is your goal? What is your intention? The intention is for people to understand you're rejecting their proposition, not that you are rejecting them. Right?  Number five.  Remember to use I language. It's not about controlling people or punishing people.

It's about your behavior. Don't make people take things personally or get defensive. You can avoid that by using I language. Number six, remember you're not the only person in the conversation. Try and have a win win attitude.  Number seven, consider the timing and location of the discussion. In general, I advocate for  a private, you don't want to confront or embarrass people in front of their colleagues or their friends, because that leads to a power struggle and things will escalate.

But if it is something that is unethical, or if somebody has already trampled all over your boundaries, even though you've set them, then you might need a witness. All right, number eight, no surprise conversations,  right? Don't just interrupt somebody when they're talking to somebody else or working if there is a way to approach it and letting them know, Hey, is there a good time we can talk about something today, right? 

Number nine, know the difference between your preferences, your desires, and your non negotiables. Okay, and as a general rule, anything that's dangerous or unethical or really, you know, goes against your core values should be a non negotiable for you.  Number ten,  don't take resistance personally.  People might need time to adjust their expectations.

And again, the more upset they are that you're setting them, probably the more they benefited from you not having any to begin with. I'm just saying.  And number 11, be prepared to enforce a consequence. If it was a non negotiable, like if you say you're gonna do it, you've got to follow through.  And number 12, and I always, this is one of my rules for life, take the high road.

You will never regret taking the high road. Okay? Do not, if people are getting mad, angry, you know, some people have really poor communication styles, don't lower to their, it's just set another boundary. Hey, I can't hear you when you're yelling at me.  This no longer feels productive to me. Let's regroup.

When. We're both karma. Okay. All right. That is it. That was a lot but I believe in you start slow, you know, I was a little boundary Bambi. I used to think like I had shaky knees.  And I was so kind of like timid to set a boundary and yeah, wow, it just didn't serve me well and it didn't serve others around me well either.

So it has something I, it's something I've worked really hard on. really hard on but it is a skill and it does get easier and I do think that every area in your life will benefit if you start learning this skill. Okay, so listen, I believe in you. I thank you for everything that you do for kids every single day.

I see you, you matter and until next time, create your own path and bring your own sunshine.