Teacher Self-Care Success: Ditch the Resolutions & Focus on “Being” over “Doing”

🌟 Teacher Growth Reimagined: Why "Being" Beats "Doing" - A Fresh Take on New Year's Resolutions

Are you one of the 80% of teachers whose New Year's resolutions have already fallen apart? Don't worry - you're not alone! Let's ditch the "new year, new you" pressure and focus on something more powerful: identity-based growth. 🌱

Key sections of this episode:

Identity Over Actions 💫

Focus on WHO you want to be rather than WHAT you want to do

Your personality isn't fixed - you can intentionally shape it to align with your goals

Remember, "Your energy teaches more than your lesson plans." How you show up matters.

Creating Your Teacher Avatar 👩‍🏫

Visualize your ideal teaching self

Define how you want to show up in the classroom

Example attributes: 

Prioritizing connection before correction

Bringing joy to learning

Building students up, not breaking them down

Maintaining healthy boundaries

The 3-Minute Morning Practice ⏰ That Can Transform Your Growth

Power Questions for Self-Reflection 🤔

• "What would my ideal teacher-self do right now?"
• "How do I want to be remembered?"
• "Do my actions match my intentions?"

Remember: You don't need a "new you" - you just need to reconnect with the amazing educator you were before stress and overwhelm took over. Simple doesn't mean easy, but focusing on who you want to BE rather than what you want to DO creates lasting, meaningful change.

#TeacherGrowth #TeacherLife #TeacherWellness #EducatorBalance #TeacherSelfCare #TeacherMindset #TeacherTips #TeacherSupport #TeacherMentalHealth #TeacherEmpowerment

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Transcript

  Okay, teacher friends, let's see if I'm psychic. We are in, if you're listening in real time, it is around the middle of January, and I want to know if you're already frustrated, disappointing, beating yourself up, that those New Year's resolutions that were so sparkly and shiny on January 1st have already Fallen by the wayside.

Am I right? Well, I don't need to be psychic. The science and the data is in, you already know this. Listen, I had the same goal for, for weight loss and vitality on my to do list for.  I cannot tell you how many years it's embarrassing to say, but according to research 80 percent of New Year's resolutions fail by February.

All right. That's a whole bunch of people feeling bad about themselves. And in fact, January 19th by one particular survey that follows all these things has been identified as. Quitter's Day, January 19th, Quitter's Day. Okay. None of that feels good, right? But I'm all about the empowerment. I'm all about taking the research, the brain based habits in turning them into something that for you would feel sustainable. 

Authentic. So I'm going to look at a different approach to teacher growth. I'm going to keep it the teacher lens, but you can apply this to any of you new year's resolutions. And basically it is this, it is  focus more on being than on doing,  right?  Focus more.  On being than doing, we're going to get into it about this whole idea of identity based  resolutions.

If you want to call them those goals or habits, we're going to look at the research. We're going to look at the application of it in your life in the classroom. I'm going to give you just this amazing three minute morning practice that three minutes. Come on in the morning. You've got that. It can transform the way you feel about yourself, the way you approach teaching, the way you show up in your life, the way you show up in your classroom.

I know that sounds like a tall order, but I've really been waiting to talk to you about this. I have a whole module on it inside one of my coaching programs, and I keep telling myself, Oh, I want to want to do a podcast episode on that. However, I knew the perfect time to roll it out would be. in this you know, quitter's time, in the time where you're feeling so down on yourselves.

And I'm one of you too. I know it. It's real. That's 80 percent of people. It's not something you feel good about is when you make these resolutions. You know, I hate this phrase, you know, new year, new you, you know, we, we don't need a new you. We need the old you that was wonderful before you were all stressed out and overextended and worn out.

Okay. So  hang on to your hats. Here we go. Inside the episode, you're going to get the research, the practical application, the three minute morning practice. It is going to transform your approach to teacher growth. I promise you. Let's see you on the air. inside.  Welcome to the Balance Your Teacher Life podcast, where we talk all things avoiding educator burnout, setting healthy boundaries, and achieving better work life balance. 

If you're passionate about education, but tired of it consuming your whole life, you have found your home in the podcast universe. I'm your host, Grace Stevens, and let's get going with today's show. 

All right, let's dive right into it.  What we're talking about here when I say we're going to focus on being overdoing is basically this concept that specific behavior changes fail without identity shifts. Okay? That what you really need to focus on is less about what you want to do and more about the who you want to be.

Now, I'm oversimplifying it. There is a lot of science behind it, but just trust me, in my own life, I've proven this again and again and again. And one of the best examples I ever have, because it sticks in my head and it has nothing to do with teaching. It was inside a movie called Dead Again, which is a great movie with Kenneth Branagh and then his wife at the time, Emma Thompson.

And then inside that movie Andy Garcia, fantastic actor is, is playing somebody and he's at the end of his life and he is in a hospital and he's had a tracheotomy, which is where, you know, they have to put a tube inside your throat in order for you to breathe. And it's because he's, I don't know,  probably, they never explain why I don't think throat cancer, some, some kind of cancer anyway, related to smoking probably.

And so what is shocking is when he's talking, he's actually smoking a cigarette through that hole. He's putting the cigarette in the hole in his throat, sucking in the air and blowing out blowing out the smoke, right? It's a really shocking visual image. But he has this example where he says, oh, when people say I'm trying to quit smoking, like, Either you're a smoker  or you're not a smoker.

That's it. Decide who you are and act accordingly. Okay. So hopefully that image sticks in your mind. But what we're talking about here is, and like I said, it has all kinds of applications to all the resolutions that you might have made. But at this point, I'm always going to go through the teaching classroom educator lens that what is going to be most resourceful for you is to ask yourself the question, define for yourself, who do you want to be as a teacher, as an educator?

And then from that, the goals will follow. And I'm going to go through some examples of this and this powerful morning exercise that can help you. Your behaviors are going to come back. out of that. Okay. So the person, I mean, there's a lot of people who kind of reiterate this in different ways. But the one piece of research that comes up again and again is Dr.

Benjamin Hardy. He did this research on personality change being more impactful than trying to change behavior, right? And his research demonstrated that personality isn't fixed. A lot of times we used to think, oh, your personality is set after you're 25. But rather just like growth mindset, right?

You, you, you're intelligent isn't fixed. So your personality isn't fixed either. Fluid states that change based on context, environment, chosen goals, right? These are things that can help you change your personality, help you change your. image of yourselves, right? And his work emphasizes that intentional personality change occurs through really designing an environment that supports what you want to achieve and having what he calls this future self orientation, right?

Where individuals who maintain a strong psychological connection to their desired future self. Like who I want to be, who I plan on showing up as, how I plan on showing up. They make better decisions in the present that more successfully help them transform their identity. Right? So instead of having this great big long old to do list. 

About how you're going to be a better teacher, if that is in fact one of your goals or how you're going to have more joy in the classroom, or how you're going to better support your colleagues, how you're going to set better boundaries. Instead of worrying about the to dos, we're going to worry about the  Who do I need to be?

And I'm going to call this like your teacher avatar. You know, when you make your little avatar, if you're playing a video game or you're doing something and you get to choose your hair and your clothes and all those things.  What I want you to focus on is really this question of who do I want to be as a teacher?

How do I want to show up now? You know, well, unless this is your first time here, if this is your first time here, Welcome, welcome to the family. I know you will find something of value here. If it is not your first time, probably you've heard me say this a lot. It's the hill I'm going to die on. Your energy teaches more than your lesson plans.

Okay, that's the foundational part of my ECHO framework for teacher empowerment. The E stands for your energy. Your energy teaches more than your lesson plans. How you show up matters. So, if I'm working on my teacher identity, which I did do, this is work I did for myself about 10 years into my journey into the classroom and being frustrated how things were going and deciding who do I really want to be?

as a teacher. What is my purpose and how do I want to show up? And so I have this vision of myself is I'm the type of teacher who, who shows up joyfully, who doesn't get easily triggered by different circumstances, by student behavior, who doesn't take things personally, either from students behavior, colleagues, parents, right?

I'm the type of teacher or the type of human being who you. understands that I give people grace, that I understand that how they're reacting says more about them and the circumstances they find themselves in and the skill set that they have than it does about me or something I've done. That really part of my identity, where I am somebody who gives people grace, who assumes positive intent, has really helped me to Take things less personally and meet other goals that I have for myself.

Okay. So it's this whole idea of,  of getting a very clear vision of  who you want to be and how you want to show up. Now, of course it should be tied to your purpose. If you know anything about Dr. Hardy's work, he has a very famous quote, which is your personality should be in service of your purpose.

Purpose. Okay. So that means if you have a strong purpose in life, you know, something you want to achieve, you need to have the personality that goes along with that. Otherwise you're just going to be fighting an uphill battle.  Okay. So that's the basic concept, right? We're going to be focusing more on who do I want to be and less on what do I want to do?

And some of you may know, may have read James Clear's, Excellent work. Atomic Habits, his frameworks. I'm just going to give a quick quote from that. Maybe you know that I wrote a whole series of books called One New Habit, basically how to set up new habits. But James Clear came along and yeah, wow, did a way better job of it than I did.

So I'm always happy to give him props. Excellent book if you've never read it. But he has a famous quote. Outcomes are a lagging measure of habits, but identity creates the system, right? You need to have a system set up of new habits, right? Usually that's where we start with the resolutions. Oh, I'm going to lose 10 pounds.

Oh, I'm going to eat healthy. Well, we need the habits to support that. Let's say you wanted to lose weight. Then the habits don't work. to support that would be, you know, let's drink more water. Let's try and get five pieces of fruit in a day. Let's go to the gym three times a week. Okay. So I think most people are there.

They understand you can't have a resolution without having habits to support it, but I'm taking it a step further and saying that your identity needs to come first. It's a useful tool to say, Hey, I'm the type of person who prioritizes. my health.  Or let's say in the classroom or at school  to really invest in your self care.

I'm the type of teacher who prioritizes setting healthy boundaries. Okay, you have this identity of yourself and then you get to ask yourself. So I made a little avatar and I call her, you know, Rockstar Grace. Okay. As a quick aside, I always tell kids, you know when kids leave the room and then they come in, some people come in quietly, some, you know, really disrupt the class and I always coach kids.

Before they leave, I'll tell them quietly, hey buddy, there's two ways to enter the room, either a rock star or a ninja, like we want you coming in like the ninja, like sneaking in, right? Okay, so I would say that my baseline personality isn't just even to be a ninja, it's to be a wallflower, shrinking, don't notice me, don't want to draw attention to myself don't feel worthy of attention or recognition, I mean that's just me being vulnerable, that's my default mode if I don't constantly do the work.

So for me, Rockstar Grace is the opposite of that. I'm coming in and I am commanding respect and I am cheerful and I'm happy. And I'm confident and that energy where I'm excited to be there and I let. Students feel safe knowing there's something about my energy that just tells them, Hey, I know you can do this.

I believe in you. You're safe in here to take risks. You will be respected in here, right? That's my kind of rockstar energy when I'm coming in. And you know, it's that energy, my most favorite thing. If you've ever been off campus for a day and you teach littles and then you come back and when you show up, they all start cheering.

I feel like a rock star when I can't walk across the campus without you know, kids running up who I've taught in the past and hugging me and want to high five me, right? That's the rock star energy. Okay, so that's how I want to show up. I want to show up as rock star Grace. Okay, and what are the habits that support that?

Well, for me, they're getting enough sleep. They are working on not taking things personally. Okay, can you see where I'm going with this? The habits are going to come out of who you believe you want to be. Okay, who you're working towards being, right? It creates the system. Alright, so, how are we going to do all this?

That's the concept. Again, succinctly, the concept is identity drives change behavior more effectively than behavior drives identity. Okay, so that some people, you know, it's flipping. The switch. So how are we going to do this? Well, okay, obviously, first, you need to have a strong sense of your purpose. And I don't want to say those dreaded words.

That makes you roll your eyes at PD. Remember you're a Y. You know why you're a teacher, okay? And you know what your purpose is. The first thing to do is get real clear about the type of teacher you want to be. Okay, in your mind, and just not only teaching, I mean the examples I'm going to give for the rest of the episode now are going to be about teaching and classroom, but I gave the example before about I'm the type of person, my rock star avatar is the type of person who is healthy, who invests in having a healthy lifestyle I like to be vital, I like to have physical, emotional energy for other people, so I'm the type of person who  is gonna prioritize eating healthy, getting exercise, watching my mental diet.

Done a bunch of episodes on that. That's a huge part of it. You know,  really being very picky about what I put in my brain, who I hang with. Okay. Those are the types of identity things. So identify for yourself what is your avatar? How do you want to show up in life? Okay. on campus,  for your family, for your friends, and most  importantly for yourself.

How do you want to show up? Okay, so that's your ideal self. Give it a name if you want, because then when things are unraveling, I'll give you an example. Here's a strategy that I have used a lot. And talked about in different episodes, when things are, you know, the momentum in a classroom when things start unraveling, you know how it is one piece of, of misbehavior, and then you maybe you don't react well, and then it kind of spirals, right, you find yourself in a power struggle, like it's just, it's all going out of control.

S, B,  the stop, breathe.  Ask is the strategy, right? Stop the momentum, put the brakes on, take a breath. And, you know, depending on the situation, there are lots of questions you can ask yourself, but in this particular instance, as we're looking through this lens of who do I want to be versus what do I want to do is. 

What would  Rockstar Grace do right now?  That's literally a question I've asked myself, right? I have this strong concept, a strong visualization of who Rockstar Grace is, especially in the classroom. And if things aren't going well, and I know that I am playing a part in that, Things don't randomly happen to you. 

Usually there is something that you're contributing to that situation, right? I would stop and ask myself, what would rockstar grace do? Okay. She'd take another breath. She'd be more patient. She'd get curious. Right. All those things. Okay. So that's the first thing, have this strong sense of who you want to be.

You got to start with that as a goal. Okay. And then let's talk about one of the easiest ways to integrate this into your life. The application is to have this three minute morning. practice. So let's get into it. So I'm going to say the ideal time to do this practice is, you know, oh, when you get out of bed, sit the side of your bed for a minute and think about these things.

No, come on. If you're a parent,  you know how the morning is. It is just like, oh my goodness, the hardest part is getting out the door, right? You've got to get everybody organized. Everybody's priorities are your priority from the minute you wake up. Okay. So maybe the ideal place to do this is. Let's say I was really blessed for three years.

I got to work walk to work. That was just an amazing thing. I would look at the trees. I would listen for the birds. It was generally very quiet in the neighborhood because I had the habit of going to school very early. That kind of really meshed up with my body rhythm and what I prefer to do. I'm really an early bird, right?

So that was a good time for me to do it. If not, then it would be in the parking lot. Before you get out the car, you know, I would love to say, Oh, when you go in the classroom, sit quietly for a few minutes and do this, but you know how it is the minute, you know, it's like running the gauntlet, isn't it?

Like if you can even get to your door and open it without somebody interceding and needing something from you. Whether that's another adult or a student, whatever. So that's not realistic. I mean, on, on, you know, I would love to think that you'd have a few minutes to yourself in the classroom, savoring your coffee, idea, you know, having this visualization about your day, this is not going to happen, right?

Nine times out of 10, it isn't. So maybe when you get there, before you get out your car, okay. Before you get out your car, sit quietly. Two minutes. That's all it's going to take. Center yourself. Center yourself. All that means is take a breath.  Close your eyes. Take two, three deep breaths. Be where you are.

Be where you are. Not back on your commute. Not fast forward to, oh my gosh, what copies do I have to make? Are the objectives on the board? All those things. Just be where you are. Just take a few breaths, feel yourself sitting there, feel the weight of your body on the car seat, right? Just  listen to the sounds outside.

Okay, that's it. Center yourself for just like 30 seconds. Sometimes when people do this they realize it's been a long time since they've centered themselves for even 30 seconds. So center yourself, state your chosen identity, remind yourself, okay, how I want to show up today. is Rockstar Grace, right? And then kind of key into how that is.

What are some attributes of Rockstar Grace? And we'll go through some of these in a minute in case some of you are struggling. What does that look like in a classroom? Whatever.  So that's it. So first off, center. Then connect. Really take a minute to think of your chosen identity and think of one of those attributes and visualize one key interaction that's going to happen during the day where you're aligned that supports this identity.

Okay, so let me give you an example, right? If you, part of your avatar is I'm the kind of teacher who, like how I show up, wants to be, I'm a teacher who prioritizes connection, right? For me, that was really something big, right? I'm a teacher who. prioritizes connection. I would visualize myself doing that.

How would I do that? I would have that nice routine, right, at the, at the door. Have you seen that where you stand at the door and there's a choice chart for the kids where they can say how they want to be greeted. They want to high five. Well, I had a little, so a little side hug, you know, COVID kind of put the kibosh and all of that, right?

So, but a high five, a fist bump a handshake, a hey, how are you today? Right? Just, I would visualize myself doing that. I would visualize every child stopping, taking the time to do that with me and that being impactful for them. Okay. So that's just one example, right? If I really had in part of my kind of avatar was really.

Connection before correction, like I'm going to try and connect with a kid before I'm going to try and  fix something. So let's say that something else I could visualize is, you know, a student being off task or having some kind of behavior that is not very usual for them, and before I jump on them with consequences and reminders of the rules or anything else, I would start with this connection piece, like, hey, you know what, I notice, or help me understand, right?

Those are two very  Very powerful phrases. We, we should be using those with adults too.  Right. I notice and help me understand. Those put the focus on me, not on  the student or the other person. That's when people get defensive, right? When the focus is on them, they feel attacked. But if the focus is on yourself, I notice or help me understand, right?

That's disarming and that supports this idea, my avatar of, you know, rock star teacher Grace is that connection before correction. Okay, you see how that works? So that's your little two minute practice in the car or if you're walking to work or maybe you do have time in the morning. Maybe a huge piece of this for you is how you want to show up differently as a parent or a partner. 

Then it is appropriate to sit at the edge of your bed in the morning before you interact, before you jump into that role as parent or partner and ask yourself, how do I want to show up this morning?  This is really the foundational piece to, I know this word gets  talked about and it's kind of now got this kind of ick around it, this kind of new agey, like, oh,  Intention, show up with intention, but that's really a lot of the work that we do in order to be better is this whole idea of recognizing your own part, your own intention, doing things intentionally, living by design, not just by default, not just going through life where this is happening and that is happening and you're just reacting and you're not quite sure why it's happening and, you know, You know, you're going from one annoying thing to another annoying thing.

Okay. Living with intention, setting an intention. Is really  as simple as asking myself, how do I want to show up today? What kind of partner do I want to be? What kind of parent do I want to be? Okay and so that's where that piece comes in. All right? Okay, so there's our early morning practice. There is the concept.

And because some people I know are going to ask me, give me some examples. Listen, your rock star looks like you're a rock star. But my rock star, here were some things that were important to me. Were that, you know, my energy teaches more than my lesson plan. So how I show up matters. So I'm going to prioritize connection.

Okay, and what that looked like. I was also a teacher who brings joy to learning. Like, one of the key questions, when you're not sure, if this is a whole new concept to you, and you're like, I don't even know what my ideal teacher avatar would be. These are the questions, how you want to be remembered.  What is it that 10 years from now, 5 years from now, or woe betide, You know, at your eulogy, what do you want your students, your colleagues, your parents, other educators to say about you, right?

What kind of teacher did you want to be, okay? So for me, it's all about. Prioritizing connection, bringing joy into learning. I've got to tell you that for 20 years, my tagline, you know, and you know, when you have an email and you put your name and it has some, you can put a quote or something, 20 years, it said helping kids love learning.

That was really my mission. My purpose was to help kids love learning. Love learning, especially as I taught in the very primary grades, I wanted that experience to be a positive one to set kids on this path where they valued learning. They knew learning was fun. They knew they could feel successful, right?

All those things are important to me. Okay. So I'm, I'm the kind of teacher who brings joy to learning, right? I'm the kind of teacher who builds students up, not breaks them down.  Now that should really be obvious, but do your behaviors support that?  I'm going to leave that there. Maybe that's your reflection meditation for the day.

If I feel that this identity that I have for myself is I am the type of teacher who builds people up, not breaks them down people feel better after they've interacted with me, whether that is students, other colleagues, whatever. Like you gotta, then you gotta, I don't want to say put your money where your mouth is, but you need to be in integrity about what you, you need to be honest about it with yourself, right?

How you  do your actions  match your words and more importantly your intentions. Because these might not be things you ever articulate to somebody else.  It's not a mission statement you're going to go post up on the wall. I'm the kind of teacher who, I mean, unless you want to. All right. So something else that was important to me, I'm a teacher who maintains healthy boundaries.

Right. It was important to me to have a full life. I'm the kind of teacher who has a full life. I'm the kind of teacher who knows I serve my students better when I take care of myself, when I have passions, interests, right. outside of school, experiences outside of school that I can bring in. And so once you have the idea of yourself, like I'm somebody who  sets healthy boundaries, then it becomes easier.

If you go and listen to any of those episodes, of which there have been many, about how do you set a boundary, how do you say no to something, it becomes easy for you to buy yourself some time. It becomes easy for you to say, hey, you know what,  let me look into my schedule. Let me give that some thought.

Thaw and let me get back to you, right? Give yourself some margin, give yourself some wiggle room, give yourself you know, a moment to think about it instead of being the default, Oh, sure, I'll do it because you don't want to sit in that discomfort of I'm going to say no, and it's going to be uncomfortable for a minute, right?

It's better to be uncomfortable for that one minute than it is to be resentful for the whole rest of the year that you sit in that stinking committee you had no interest on being in. Here's the last thing I want to say on this. Okay. Wanting to.  Focus more, forget the resolutions, probably they're already done with.

You know what? There is nothing magical about January 1st, nothing, nothing magical about January 12th, January 1st, other than the fact that you have to change the date on the checks. Hardly write any checks anymore, right? Might be February till I write a check. I know I'm going to write. The wrong day.

Okay. That's the only magical thing about the first of the year. You can change your life, your attitude, your habits,  any stinking day you want.  Any, it doesn't, you don't need to wait till Monday. You don't even need to wait till tomorrow. You, you can change your habits, your attitude, your mind, how you think about things.

You can change that today. Okay. Anytime. Now it takes repetition. It takes practice, all those things, but you don't have to wait for some magical time. So don't think because you blew some new year's resolution. I mean, I know for us as educators, what does seem like. More important to us than January 1st is the first day of school.

That I do know is a real feeling because you're setting up expectations, goals, habits, routines, procedures, like for the rest of the year. That, that seems like a more kind of really important day. Okay. So, but don't buy into this hype. New year, new you. Just have this reframe. Instead of I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this. 

Who do I want to be?  And what kind of habits  do I need to reinforce to encourage who I want to be? Right? And when you have that strong vision of who you want to be and how you want to show up when things do start unraveling or things are challenging, you can stop, breathe, ask, hey, how would Rockstar Grace do with this?

How would  the type of teacher who truly has integrity between their words and their actions, and they say they want to set healthy boundaries. How would that teacher respond to this request, that the parent wants an independent study, two weeks worth of work by the end of the day? Like, where are you going to pull that out of?

Okay, right? How would that person respond? How would they protect their boundaries? That is it, my friends. I hope you have found this helpful. If you have never actually sat down and thought out for yourself, what type of teacher do I want to be? How do I want to show up in the world? It's a really important question.

Set. aside some time to do that, okay? Maybe look around. Look around at people who you would think are positive role models. I always tell people, like, don't, you know, that's one of my tenets of the ECHO framework, that, oh, is other people's experience doesn't need to be your experience. Don't buy into the narratives that everybody in teaching is stressed, overwhelmed, and disrespected.

Look around campus. Somebody on your campus, I hope, is having a good time. Hang around that person a bit. See what kind of behaviors they have.  What kind of things do they say and do that support, obviously, this vision that they have of how they're going to show up. Okay, none of it happens just by, you know, when people are, oh, you're a natural teacher.

No, yes, in some ways, but there's nothing that is just, you know, nobody comes out with, these are skills, skills we can learn. And I guess the last thing I want to say is a lot of times we just buy into this idea that well, you know, that's just not my personality. That's just not who I am. Well, as I said, Dr.

Hardy's research, again and again, showing up that personality is not fixed and that you changing your environment, changing your personality is really about connecting to this vision. Of your future self your idea self about who you want to be and you get to choose who you want to be the whole idea behind personal development is taking responsibility for yourself the things you're thinking saying doing and you know the whole idea of change the input  that'll change the output if you don't like the results you're getting in life you got to change that's the output you got to change the input you All sounds so easy, doesn't it? 

Do not confuse. Simple with easy. Anyway, that's all I have for you today. I really hope that you found something in here that made you think, reconsider, feel better about the fact that who cares about the stinking resolution. You get to plan, to be, to grow into your gifts and this vision of yourself just the way you want to.

And I'm here to support you every step of the way. So until next time, create your own path and bring your own sunshine.