Asking Empowering Questions (New Educators Handbook Pt 2)

🎯 Transform Your Teaching with These Powerful Questions That Change Everything

Are you feeling overwhelmed in your classroom? Discover how asking the right questions can completely shift your teaching experience from stressed to empowered! In this episode, learn practical strategies to handle challenging student behavior, navigate workplace negativity, and maintain professional boundaries - all through the power of empowering questions.

🎧 Episode Highlights:

• 🧠 Why "why" questions drain your energy and what to ask instead
• 👩‍🏫 Real-world examples for handling challenging student behavior
• 🤝 Strategies for dealing with negative colleagues
• 📱 Smart solutions for parent communication
• 💪 Tools for maintaining professional boundaries with administration

💡 Key Takeaways:

• Transform "why" questions into empowering "how" and "what" questions
• Focus on unmet student needs instead of problematic behaviors
• Redirect negative conversations with solution-focused thinking
• Implement proactive communication strategies with parents
• Set professional boundaries while maintaining positive relationships

🔑 Action Steps:

1. Choose one empowering question to practice this week
2. Identify positive collaborators on campus
3. Create proactive communication strategies
4. Practice the "validate and bounce" technique with negative situations

This episode is part two in my deep dive into concepts from the best new educator's manual: The Empowered Teacher's Toolkit. 

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📘 My latest (and greatest!) book:
The Empowered Teacher Toolkit
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Beat Teacher Burnout with Better Boundaries book here

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Transcript

 Well, hello, teacher friends. Welcome back. Before I get into today's episode, I have a favor to ask you. If you get value from this material that I put out there, would you tell someone? Why not share this episode with somebody you teach with, another colleague, somebody who you know is working really, really hard and really cares for the kids and is very passionate but is starting to feel overwhelmed?

Or maybe somebody who's already sparkly and crushing it. Just share it with a friend. Share it with a colleague. This information is meant to empower everybody in education and it would make them happy and more effective. It would help me out and you know, you'd feel good about doing something. So everybody wins.

All right. Well, thanks for that. Now onto today's episode, which is a follow up from last week. I got a lot of comments about loving the material about feeling more empowered. And one of the areas that I talked about. Was asking empowering questions.  Tony Robbins famously said the quality of your life depends on the quality of your questions.

So today I'm making it very actionable. I'm going to share with you today, but I lost count. How many, at least 20 empowering questions that you could start using. today specifically for real life school scenarios, right? Like handling challenging student behavior, navigating negativity, dealing with parents, admins, all those things, okay?

You're going to step away today with tools that you can immediately use. We'll get into it. See you on the inside. Welcome to the teacher self care and life balance podcast, where we focus all things personal development to help teachers feel empowered to thrive inside and outside of the classroom. If you are passionate about education, but tired of it taking over your whole life, you have found your new home in the podcast universe.

You will love it here. I'm Grace Stephens, your host, and let's get going with today's show.  Alright, so this is part two, I'm gonna say, of really doing a deep dive into a couple of areas of my latest book, The Empowered Teacher Toolkit.  Proven strategies to take control of your time, your energy and your passion for teaching.

So if you haven't grabbed a copy yet, I'm going to say it's a whole lot of greatness in a tiny book, something quick and easy to get through. It comes with a, through a free workbook with scientifically validated exercises. It can really be a powerful addition to your toolkit. So last week we talked about what is empowerment?

How do you get it? Why is it important? And there were three areas, right? I said, first was making a decision. Second was the mindset around this.  And the third was the actions. And when we got to the mindset piece,  one of the things I talked about was managing your self talk. and asking empowering questions as opposed to disempowering questions.

And I summarized if you missed it, here's kind of like the snapshot. I'm going to say to generalize  a hint, are my questions empowering or disempowering? And these are questions you're asking yourself, not Asking somebody else, right? This is your own self talk, right? The whole dialogue that's going in your head.

And a disempowering question in general is going to begin with why. You might remember that I said, why is whiny? Like, why is this happening? Why do these kids behave this way? Right? That's kind of, you know,  if you keep that image in your mind, why can be whiny? An empowering question is going to start with how.

Or what? How can I? What can I? Right? Feeling empowered. It's within your control. What can you do about this situation to affect it, to improve it? It's really about being more curious. more solution oriented, whereas why is more focusing on the problem and a little bit, you know, woe is me, right? So sometimes how we got here isn't as important, like, Oh, why did this happen?

Yes, it's important to reflect what was your part in things. But, you know, let's get into the solution mode. Let's feel empowered, less gas, ask better questions.  That spark curiosity, you can learn something. And Typically, as I said, they're going to begin with how, how can I or what can I? So let's break this down.

Let's look at some certain situations and we're going to try and keep this brief and snappy and then you can get on with your day and ideally practice using some of these. Okay, let's start with something that is going to happen to everybody every day and that is  students making poor choices. Did I say that very nicely?

But you know, student behavior that isn't optimal, shall we say. Let's keep it at that. So, part of it might be like, oh, you know, just this frustration, this story you're telling yourself. These kids, right, since COVID, they've been this, they've been that. All these stories we tell ourselves, right? But here, here's a more empowering question.

You can ask yourself, Now, don't, don't all come at me now that you're like, Oh, stop with the relationship, right? Like there's student behaviours aren't just about lack of relationship. It is true, right? That is true. But for a certain number of students, it is about unmet needs. Okay. And it can be simple to change that behavior, improve that behavior.

Okay. There are going to be the outliers who, you know, need their claim, but some of it, it really just, you know, most, most human motivation comes from unmet needs. So an empowering question might be, you know, what unmet need might be driving this behavior? Okay, try and think about it for a minute or how can I address this proactively, right?

I had a lot of behaviors we know in my experience Were attention seeking behaviors. Okay, a lot of behaviors were Students who had very maladaptive ways of getting attention. Maybe at home, the only way they got attention was by acting out or being loud or yelling, maybe it was modeled behavior, whatever, like at this point, you know, you can't unravel, we can't change their home life.

We need, what proactively can I do? And so and you know, really a. Kind of more empowering question is what triggers might exist in this classroom that I can adjust to help this student succeed, right? So there might be things like a seating arrangement, you know, the noise level, chunking down the task, all those things, proximity to the teacher, but that's more empowering.

What can I do? What can I do? Not just like, ah, why does he act this way, right? What can I do?  What's one positive. Small behavior that I can reinforce today. Right? That's a really empowering question. I always had this mindset. I learned this, gosh, when I was working in the corporate world, I  read a really impactful book, gosh, that was like 30 something years ago.

Ken Blanchard, The Five Minute Manager. I think that's pretty funny now that I want to manage people in five minutes, but one of the things was catch them doing something right. Catch them doing something right. Okay, of course, we have to address behavior that isn't great, but catch them doing something right.

So here's a really, you know, empowering question. What small thing?  What small positive behavior is this student showing that I can reinforce today? Okay, in one particular instance used to have a reward system, you know, a whole discussion about that now, tokens, rewards, whatever, but I would hand out these tickets and kids could earn different things. 

different, not necessarily prizes, but different kind of rewards that they, they were all, everybody had their own currency, right? Kids were all motivated by different things. But there was this one particular child who had a lot of attention seeking behavior in class. And you know, I showed up early to school every morning.

I'm a morning person and he would be on the yard so early in the morning, his parent would drop him off on the way to work. And, you know, I just, of course, what are we going to do? You're going to make him your ally. Hey, come in where it's warm. You want to help me set up some things for today? You know, do we want to babysit students before school?

No, but at the same time, he's outside cold, getting madder and angrier by the moment. He could be in my room starting off his day in a positive way and me finding stuff to thank him about. Hey, that's, that's great. Hey, thanks for taking the, the chairs off the table. Thanks for, you know, just finding small stuff to, to, you know, give a kid a ticket like, hey, you know what, it's really helpful.

I love that you helped me in the morning. Something, right? It doesn't need to be that. You're going to find, if you set your radar to let me find something good this kid is doing, right? But the point is, flip the switch from disempowering to like, why? Why does his parent drop him off so early to, how can I? 

Find a way to engage him. What a mead is being knit, right? Like, Oh, I noticed you picking up these papers. Thanks for being responsible. You don't have to give him a reward. You could just give him a verbal reward. Thank you is perfectly acceptable. Okay. What about student motivation? We know how frustrating it is when we're given, you know, we've planned a lesson, we're giving it our all.

I used to call it my, you know, I'm tap dancing up here, people. I'm tap dancing. Like, what else can I do to get your attention and get you engaged? Right? So.  Here are some, it's very frustrating, right? And it's easy to get in that disempowering kind of mode. But let's, let's flip the switch. Let's get curious.

Let's ask some questions of ourselves. And these might be questions that you end up asking a student in a different way, but it's more about what you're asking yourself. Like what strengths and interests does this student have that I can tap into, right? To help them get more engaged. Or, you know, what choice can I offer this student to give them more ownership of their learning, right?

I always say you know, a voice and a choice, right? A voice and a choice. That's what basic human me beings need. That's what you know, students need, they want to feel validated, right? And heard, they want a voice and they want a choice. Different kids are interested in different things. So if there's any way to give kids kind of ownership that they create for themselves you know, okay, here's what we're learning today.

Here's our objective. And you know, if it's a longer term project, Surely not just for a, you know, a short math lesson or something, but if it's a longer term thing that you really want to get kids engaged in not just drilling, learn this, show me that you've learned it, you know, drill and kill kind of math lesson.

If it's something more creative, you know, give them some ownership. Choose how do you want to show me what you've What you, that you've integrated this learning, right? Give them a choice board, you know, write an essay, a visual presentation. You know, you know, all the different options. There are something  that is going to get them to have some ownership over it and get excited about it.

Right? So get curious. How can I make this lesson more relevant to students lives or future goals? Right, how many years I did the biography report. Oh my goodness, biography report and it was a poster and maybe for the littles Have them, you know dress up if they wanted to have a funny story about that But that's a story for a different day.

Don't want to get off topic  but  You know, making it relevant, when I was subbing in a class where kids were older, they had a wonderful biography, they were making like a Facebook profile, not a Facebook profile, like a social media profile for somebody famous, and like that was a really fun way of getting them to synthesize the information, but in a way that was engaging and interesting and relevant to them.

Right. So just some empowering questions that way. Right. How can I make it more relevant to their lives? What, what, how can I engage them more? What choices can I give students? Okay. So those are some empowering questions about the students, their behavior, and then their lack of motivation.  Okay. Moving on.

That's inside your classroom. What about when you step outside the classroom door? You're, you, you know, living your best life, walking across campus, you're running into colleagues, you're in the staff room, you're overhearing things. How you're gonna deal  with all the negativity. I know it's there.

I'm not saying it's not valid.  Did you let me repeat it?  It is valid. Teaching today is difficult. I feel it is more challenging in many ways than it has ever been. So I'm not saying that people are complaining for no reason. What I'm saying is, is  complaining in a disempowering way resourceful? Does it make you feel better?

Does it move you closer to solutions? Right? Does it make you have a more joyful, peaceful day? Does it alleviate stress? And I'm pretty sure the answer to all those questions is no. So, let's try something different, okay? Now, I've had lots of strategies in other episodes about dealing with negative people.

Usually, I'm gonna suggest minimizing exposure and my validate and bounce strategy, which is where you validate the person. With a short sentence. Oh my gosh, that sounds tough. Woof. Yeah, you're having a tough day. Like, oh, I understand why you feel that way. Right. And then bounce, like, get the heck out of dodge.

Just minimize your exposure. Get out of there. Right. Just oh, I got to bounce. I got a meaning. I got a something. Okay. But above and beyond that, let's think of some empowering questions. Okay. Here's one. How can I redirect a negative conversation by focusing on solutions, right? Or expressing something I'm excited about.

Okay, now if a person is really down and they're like, Oh my gosh, like these kids, like, Oh, the test. And I thought I'd, you know, I thought I'd taught it so well, but you know, they flunked it and I'm super stressed about it. And parents are all over me about it. That's not the time to say, Hey, no. Oh. Wow, we aced the benchmark test, right?

We're not talking about that. We're just talking in general. Let's say somebody's complaining about admins or something. You could try and add something. You can redirect the conversation or you can share, you know, some kind of story that isn't directly related to that. Like, oh my gosh, hey, you never know.

Hey, you remember your students such and such. They did the greatest thing today. Right? If you could make it, like, redirect it. How can I redirect this conversation? How can I come up with, you know, express some kind of  something that's going well? I wouldn't, in a situation where somebody is just venting or is a constant complainer, don't offer solutions.

Like, they're not going to hear them. You know, my dad told me,  I was really young when he told me, and always stayed with me, you know what honey, if people want your advice, they'll ask for it. So you know, don't drop into people's lives and start coaching them. Yeah, right. So, but an empowering question.

You know, who can I collaborate with on campus? Who is positive and solution focused? Right? Ask yourself that question. If you're tired of running into, you know, people you are, who you hang with, right? I know Tony Robbins talked about that too. You are the sum result of the five people you hang out with the most.

So, you know, take a look around who you're spending all your time with. An empowering question, instead of telling yourself everybody on campus is so negative. Why is that? Huh. Woe is me. An empowering question. Look around. Hey, who's having a good time around here? Who seems to have it together? Who seems to leave a reasonable time every day not looking so stressed and is still producing results, right?

Who seems to be having fun with their kids? Who always has something positive to share? Who else can I go hang with? And let's think back to my, you know, validate and bounce suggestion. That comes from a empowering question. That empowering question is, you know, how can I validate somebody? How can I, you know, acknowledge them, that I've heard them while setting boundaries to protect my energy?

Right? While not destroying this relationship, while maintaining a professional relationship with this person, how can I protect myself? Right? And so that strategy was born out of an empowering question. What about if you're frustrated with constant questions from parents, needing clarification, needing this, needing that, that, you know, the old email drill, then get curious.

Of yourself, the empowering question, instead of like, Oh, why don't parents read the emails I've sent them? Hey, what's something proactive I can do to communicate with parents to prevent misunderstandings, right? What can I be doing that would grab their attention so that I don't have to answer all these emails?

Now, for me, it was something very simple. I put ClassDojo on my phone, which is a parent communication app. And I would just make like a quick Friday video. I had a galaxy theme in my classroom and I would stand next to the galaxy backdrop on a Friday. We had early release on Friday. Kids will go out the door, pick up my phone, stand there.

It took like three minutes. I call it greetings from the galaxy. Everything you're. You need to know for next week to set your child up for success. And then I do some shout outs to whatever happened cool in the class this week. And as the kids were leaving, I'm like, Hey, as soon as you see your parents,  see if I gave you a shout out on the video.

So, of course, parents always have their phone in their hand. And if the kid comes up to them like, Hey, let's watch Greetings from the Galaxy, like it took me five minutes and it was just very easy and it cut down 90 percent. Of all those, what's the homework? What's this? What's that? I'd screenshot a page of the homework on a Monday morning and send it out on ClassDojo to everybody.

The parent had it right on their phone in their hand. You know, they don't read emails a lot of the times, neither do I. I have hundreds of emails in my email box every day. So you know, that's just part of modern living, right? So ask empowering questions. How can I, how can I do this better? How can I protect my boundaries?

How can I, this is what this really, this whole podcast is about, right? Is all these things, but getting to the habit of our self taught listening. Is that an empowering question or a disempowering question, right? How can I acknowledge this parent's concerns while pertaining, while maintaining professionalism and protecting my boundaries?

Right.  What about dealing with administrators? Okay. Here are some empowering questions. Instead of feeling like, why do I get all these students? Why does this always happen to me? Why is he such a stickler? Okay. Empowering questions might be what's one thing I can control in this situation to make it more manageable for myself.

Okay. That's an empowering question. What part can I control? What's one small thing I can do? Now, listen, you're starting to learn here that the solution to all of these empowering questions is in this podcast, right? That's what I'm teaching you is to how to set boundaries. If you have to say yes to something, if there's something you have to do, because it's part of adjacent to your job, maybe not.

directly classroom teaching, but the example I always give, let's say you're a science teacher, science fair, science Olympiad, science camp, fundraising for science camp, like all the things that come up with it, right? You can't say no, it feels disempowering. I'm the science teacher. I have to do this. Well, then you are not disempowered.

What's one thing I can control? What's something I can do to make it more manageable for myself? When we say yes, we're going to set limitations. Go listen to the whole odd part. podcast episode I have on that. Yes, I'll do that. And here's what I need to help it be more manageable, more successful to reflect better on the school.

Okay. That was episode 48  saying yes, with limitations. Okay. So. All these strategies that I am teaching you, I am an empowerment coach. This is the thing that I do. I teach you how to feel empowered. But it starts with getting curious and your self talk, asking the empowering questions. This is kind of the point I want to get to.

You gotta, before you can look at, oh, what's the solution, you have to even have this mindset that there is a solution out there. So let me give you another example. This happens, you know, every other year, it seems we have a new curriculum. Some beautiful years some genius decides we'll have two new curriculums.

Oh, we have a new math program and a new language arts program. Like that's something you can just  whip out, right? Everything's repackaged, rebranded, but then it has to be said a different way, right? So instead of just being frustrated by that, you know, what's, here's an empowering question, What is one professional way I can advocate for myself  or my team in this situation?

Right. And that's going to be, again, you're yes. You can't say, no, I'm not teaching the new curriculum. It's going to be yes with limitations. Like for example, Hey, you know what, we're committed to implementing this new initiative as best we can.  You can ask the administrator. How are you? How do you suggest what addition, how are we going to find additional planning time to ensure it's successful?

It's success. What ideas do you have? Right? Letting people know it's not just something, we are, we're already at capacity.  So,  let's get creative. But, you know, push it back on your administrators. How do you suggest explain, you know, let's problem solve. How can we find more time to do this properly, so it's implemented the way the district wants it implemented and so that we can make it, you know, worth the time.

And? Financial investment that the district made, okay? Empowering questions, right? Hopefully your administrator feels empowered. Hopefully the administrator doesn't present you with new curriculum and say, guys, you know, I'm sorry. I know this isn't great, but we have to do it. Nobody asked for my input.

Here's where it is. Right. That's very disempowering. You feel very victimized in that situation. You do not feel that you were in control. Okay. So that's it. That's what I wanted to say. Some of you asked for examples, but really empowerment, it starts with that. Like I said, last week, a decision. Right? It's a decision that you're not going to be a victim.

There are no victims in this classroom. Remember me quoting Michelle Pfeiffer, right? So it really starts with, you know, this decision. And then this mindset empowerment starts with how you see the world. OK, you're going to start asking the right questions in your mind so that you see it helps you see opportunities instead of roadblocks.

Right. But you've got to start small. Why don't you just, you know, pick one question from today's episode and, you know, try it, see how it goes. Ask it of yourself. Again, these aren't questions necessarily that you ask of other people. It is your mindset. Am I asking questions that empower me, help me feel in control, that I have agency, or am I asking disempowering questions, which are typically why me?

Okay, friends, stand up straight.  Flip your hair, as my mom would say. Slap a little lipstick on it. Go out, crush your day. Ask the empowering questions. Know that you have the ability to create your own path. Other teachers experience doesn't need to be your experience. You can create your own empowered, joyful. 

experience. I know you can do it. I'm here to help any way I can. So create your path, bring your own sunshine, and I will see you next time.