Why Teacher Back to School Success Starts with Setting Limits in These 4 Areas Over Summer

🎉 Summer is almost here, and I'm dropping some serious truth bombs about why your sweet summer break should be about HEALING, not hustling. If your summer to-do list is longer than a CVS receipt (I see you! 😅), this episode is your roadmap to setting the limits you need for a joyful back-to-school season.

🎯 What You'll Learn

The Four Essential Areas to Set Limits This Summer:

1. 👪 Set Limits with Your Family

• Just because you're "off" doesn't mean you're available 24/7
• How to handle the division of labor conversations
• Scripts for saying no lovingly: "I love spending time with you, but I also need time to recharge so I don't burn out before school starts"
• The "guided close" technique for managing requests

2. 🚫 Set Limits with Guilt & Over-Productivity

• Unlearn the martyr complex (I see you, people-pleaser! 💕)
• Schedule non-doing time proactively
• Remember: Productive rest is important too
• Having needs doesn't make you needy - it makes you human ✨

3. 📅 Set Limits with Invitations & Commitments

• Do fewer things and enjoy them more
• The gut check question: "Is this aligned with rest and joy, or guilt and obligation?"
• My Christmas story: One favorite activity per family member = more joy, less stress
• Simple script: "I'm prioritizing rest this summer. I'm gonna have to pass."

4. 📱 Set Limits with Social Media & Screen Time

• Your nervous system wasn't designed to "drink trauma from a fire hose"
• Experiment with app deletions and screen-time goals
• Model the behavior you want to see
• Focus on being present with the people who matter most

This episode includes practical strategies, a pep talk (always), and a celebration of all you've accomplished this year.

Listen now, and share with a teaching friend!

Want to truly thrive in teaching without sacrificing your personal life?
Check out my signature on-demand course, Balance Your Teacher Life. You can go the self-study route or join a cohort with group coaching for Summer 2025.

Check out all the details here: www.gracestevens.com/balance

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The Empowered Teacher Toolkit
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Beat Teacher Burnout with Better Boundaries book here

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Transcript

 Okay. Warriors, if you are listening in real time as this gets published, I know that you could tell me down to how many days. How many hours, how many periods, how many attendances are left until summer break? You have made it. You are gonna make it. I'm so proud of you. I'm hearing from a lot of you that this was the tough issue ever.

Doesn't it sound like, seems like we say that every year, right? But I am here to remind you, you did it with Grace. You made. Memories that your students will hold onto forever, and you should be very proud of yourself. So now with that in mind, I'm here to tell you something. Summer is coming up. Summer is coming up.

Summer. Sweet, sweet friend. Is for healing, not for hustling. I know you have a summer to-do list that is probably longer than a CVS receipt, right? Longer than Santa's naughty list. I used to say your summer list is really, really long. It has probably have items on it that rolled over from last summer and the last summer, the summer before that, and the summer before that, and the summer before.

Before that. You know, ask me how I know I, I could already guess what some of those items are. Okay. But I'm gonna get straight to the point in order for you. Yes. I'm gonna have the audacity to say back to school already. You're like, we haven't even got out. Why are you talking about back to school? Let me tell you, in order for you to have a joyful, wonderful year next year, the quality of your back to school is.

Totally depend on how well you do this one thing this summer, and that is set limits. Prioritize authentic self-care. Okay. I know that's like a buzzword, but we're going to get into it. Your ability to set limits in these four particular areas this summer is absolutely going to determine your success, not just in back to school, but next year.

Okay. It, this is a totally actionable. You're gonna get strategies you can use right away in this episode. I can't wait to share it with you. I know you're tired. I know you're weary, friend, but listen, set yourself up for success. I'm gonna keep it short. I. Actionable and I will see you on the inside.

Welcome to the Teacher Self-Care and Life Balance podcast, where we focus all things personal development to help teachers feel empowered to thrive inside and outside of the classroom. If you are passionate about education, but tired of it taking over your whole life, you have found your new home in the podcast universe, you'll love it here.

I'm Grace Stevens, your host, and let's get going with today's show. Okay, here we go. I dunno if you are listening to this on your commute, on your last few days of school, hopefully, so you have time to kind of think about setting yourself up for success intentionally, or, I don't know if you have just stumbled on this, it showed up on your player 'cause you have subscribed and you are just laying on the couch, like in that kind of, oh my gosh, what happened mode that happens the first few days of summer where you realize.

How truly exhausted you are. So I dunno how this has found it to you. I put this out into the universe and I trust it lands where it needs to land. When it needs to land. So welcome to the episode. Thank you for sharing your time with me. I promise you, I'll make it worth your while. And I'm gonna repeat what I said before.

Listen, summer should be about healing, not hustling. I know what it's like. I. I know what it's like to have put off so many things all year and suddenly like, oh, I'll do it over summer. I'll do it over summer. I'll do it over summer. And now like you have this massive pressure on yourself to do all these things over summer that just include like basic maintenance, not even just like.

Trying to cram in having some fun and some true rest and relaxation, but all the things that not got neglected during the year. All those appointments, dentists, doctors for yourself, for your kids. The house maintenance, the car maintenance, the cleaning out the garage, the going through and donating stuff to Goodwill because your closets are busting at the seams.

Just all the things, right? Just life, my friends. So much of it gets put off till summer, and if you're not intentional about setting limits, then it will just get consumed and you won't truly rest and you'll be exhausted when school starts Again, it's a different type of of work, of labor, of things that we are like, I can't wait to clean out the closet, but you know, cleaning out the closet that isn't true.

You know, clean out the closet isn't an exciting sell. Having a clean closet, you want the end result, but you don't necessarily wanna go through the motions of doing it. Right. So I just, I'm gonna talk about setting limits, but in four areas and in areas that you may not have thought about before. So clearly one is the mono over productivity.

Okay. But the other three areas you might not have thought of because. We have this real need. Your nervous system is under us all constantly in a classroom. From the minute the bell rings to the minute the bell stops, it is you are running a marathon. You are making more decisions than any other profession.

You are just constantly on alert. And then we know that when the bell rings is actually when, you know our work starts. We just don't get a, a break. And then when we come home, we bring this emotional labor home with us. We worry about school, we think about school, we worry about students. We second guess.

What did I say? How's it gonna go tomorrow? We have stress. We anxiety, overwhelm, all the things. It is an assault on your nervous system, okay? And your nervous system really needs a downshift. Summer is for investing in authentic self-care and a lot of that. Absolutely. Of course, having fun and getting things checked off your list, but.

You are human, you need to rest. I remember somebody told me once, Hey, listen, even God rested on the seventh day. Okay? So you've been going at it nonstop. And then if you are a parent now, suddenly over summer, you got to worry about, oh my gosh, I need to make these magical memories for my student. My students for my kids, right?

Your own children. Because so much of the time during the school year, you were guilt ridden that other people's children got the best of you. Your time, your attention, your energy, your patience, right? All those things. And so you go from one kind of hustle to another and we really don't take time to.

Downshift regroup. And so this is my goal for you this summer, right? If you are not careful, if you are not intentional, your summer just becomes another type of trap of busyness. It gets filled with other people's agendas. So we need to move forward with attention and intention to set limits in these four areas so that we can truly rest, regroup.

Do all the things. Okay. Come back. To teaching and reconnect with ourselves in a way that allows us to live our best life, be our best selves, and just show up for ourselves and for other people the way we want to. Okay, so I'm gonna talk about the four areas. Now, episode 50. If you are a, you know, dedicated, true fan.

Of which I am very appreciative of the ones that I have. You may remember that last summer I kicked off with a whole episode on how to set boundaries with your family over summer. So that was episode 50, and it talks about how you need to set boundaries in various areas. One of the problems I see that, I hear that.

Teachers complain to me about, or I end up coaching them with. There are a couple of things that have been very painful and true for me in the past too, and that I had to learn to work with. And I'll just give you a couple of examples, but I encourage you to go listen to that whole episode because it explains how to set boundaries with your family and what some of them might need to be.

So here's one example of a boundary you might need to set, and that is the division of labor. It could be that you have family members who feel that during the year they pick up a lot of the slack for you, which is probably real that they end up doing. Your partner, if you're a parent, might do a lot of the running around, the picking up, the dropping off the, the getting kids where they need to be and all those things, and summer rolls around and you guessed it.

They have where you have all summer off and they don't even pick up a plate and put it in the dishwasher for the whole 10 weeks you're off, right? And now you're busier than ever. So there might be some boundaries need to be set around that. And I encourage you to go back to listen to episode 50 if that is something that you feel is true for you, that you are very reluctant to initiate hard conversations about division of labor.

This concept that you are awful summer, so other people in your life are just gonna stop doing anything. You're gonna start taking care of everything. And that is intrinsically, not only is it intrinsically not fair, it doesn't allow you to rest, but it is the absolute breeding ground of resentment. And so if you feel you have this reluctance, you know we're this well documented that many teachers are.

People pleasers. I heard Mel Robbins I don't, I'm not sure if you're aware who she is, but come on. Everybody knows who Mel Robbins is, right? The High Five Habits? Or did she just write the, let Them Theory? She has like one of the world's top podcasts, but, and I heard her say the other day that she was not so much a people pleaser.

As a chicken shit. And that just made me laugh because that's what a lot of times it boils down to. And I could totally relate to that very conflict avoidant. And it didn't serve me well. Okay. So that might be one area. An example of boundary with families or another example of setting boundaries with families would be that the division of labor of.

Taking care of elderly parents, maybe suddenly it's summer and your siblings assume now everything is on you. Your summer list gets hijacked by other people. Oh, you have all summer off. Suddenly mom and dad want you to go over and help them. Clean out the garage. Your cousins want to have you help them move, you know how it goes, and you have a to-do list again, that is so unrealistic in its length and scope that no mere mortal could take care of it.

And now suddenly you, because of your reluctance, your lack of skill, your lack of confidence in setting boundaries. Suddenly you are resentful that you're taking care of everybody else's stuff over summer, when really you have more than enough of your own to take care of. So if that sounds very familiar, go back and listen to episode 50.

Go look through my catalog. There are so many episodes on how do we set boundaries, and yes, lots of them are school focused, but I find that people who have trouble saying no or setting limits at school they overcommit they do more than they want to do. It leads into their personal lives, and I just want to remind you, as I have many times before that this is a skill deficit.

It's not a personality trait. Yes, plenty of it is due to conditioning and the school environment and other things, but at the same time, this is not a personality trait. This is not something you were born with that you can't learn. Okay. You can learn setting limits, having confidence with that, having grace with that is a skill.

You can learn it. It's like a muscle. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. I want to remind you of. You know, go listen to the episodes that have the specific strategies and your boundary rights and boundary misconceptions. But I do want to make this one thing clear. Two things, let me say about this and then I will move on.

'cause I feel I have like 20 episodes on setting boundaries. The first thing is that don't start with your biggest issue. Get your kind of training wheels on first. If you, if you lack confidence in this area, don't tackle the biggest problem in your marriage right now, or your partnership, or your biggest problem with your sibling.

Just, you know, start with baby steps and also recognize that there are longstanding patterns, assumptions that have been made that you are okay with these things. And because you've always taken them on and you've never complained before, and suddenly this might come as a shock to people in your life that you want to set limits and.

Understand that the bigger the reaction, the more that somebody seems put out, surprised or kind of resistant to you setting limits, even though I have coached you on how to do that lovingly and why setting limits is a, a loving thing to do. The bigger reaction you get. Understand that that person who is reacting that way, again, the bigger reaction you get, the more they have benefited from you not setting limits in the past.

Okay. So it just really reinforces what you need to have done. Now, in a lot of the coaching that I do, I teach you how to say no and it's kind of reactive. When somebody asks you to do something, I teach you to say no or to say yes with limitations. So with families and with longstanding habits. A lot of this needs to be a little bit more proactive.

For example, in the situation that I said, because it was very personal to me that I did have a partner who worked out the house, and this is two decades before that was a thing, and he was very comfortable having the house to himself. And when the kids and I were home, all of a sudden we were in a space.

Of course, we made noise even though I tried, not for the kids to make noise, but it was very stressful for me to be like, shh, daddy's on the phone. All the time. And for me to be like the cruise director from morning to night, I had to keep the kids out of the house, take them here, take them there, the library program, the this program there, all the free things that, that were happening in the community.

Like I was working harder than ever. And on top of that I. You know, there was no help at home, nothing happened. The, the grass didn't even get cut suddenly that got put on my to-do list you have all summer. Right? So it was a pattern that had been established and so it wasn't that I needed to be I was asked to do things and I needed to have the confidence to say no.

Well, I needed the confidence to do was to initiate a difficult conversation. And I'm gonna do some episodes. I've planned out some for this summer. And I feel like that would be a really good episode on how do you initiate, how do you negotiate and how do you handle difficult conversations because I feel like it's a skill that many of us lack.

So, all right, so that's the first thing. You are going to have to set limits with your family. Just because you're off doesn't mean you're available 24 7. And you know, you, it can be as simple as, as learning a few sentences. Hey, listen, I love spending time with you, but I also need time to recharge so I don't burn out before school even gets back in.

Hey, listen, I want to be helpful. You know that I help. I love you and I wanna help you, but at the same time. I am at capacity. I ran myself ragged all summer. I made a commitment to myself that I would do less this summer and I would really invest in some things that I wanted to do. Okay. You have needs and preferences and desires to, it is okay to have those.

As a therapist once told me, as I wrestled with this so much myself having needs doesn't make you needy. Maybe you need to just go. Write that on a stick note and put it on your mirror. Okay? Having needs doesn't make you need it. It just makes you human. Okay? So number one, set limits with your family.

And that could be reactively when they ask you to do things. Understand that you can set limits. When it, it comes time to clean out mom's garage, tell her, Hey, I'd love to help you with that, and I can dedicate a whole afternoon to that. Is Tuesday or Thursday better for you? Okay. In sales, we used to call that the guided close.

You've already let her know she's only getting half a day from you, and these are the two days that are convenient for you. But you've put it in this kind of, you've phrased it in a way that makes her feel like she has a choice. Okay? Kind of a parenting strategy. You might recognize that. Anyway, so number one, limits with families.

Number two, while we're talking about it. Because these are all things that make us great teachers and are part of our kind of collective psyche, is that we give and give and give and give and we're kind of martyrs. I don't know what else to say about it. So we need to set limits with our guilt and our over productivity.

We gotta unlearn that. It's always gotta be us and we've gotta be proactive about scheduling, non-doing time. Right rest is productive too. Productive rest is important. Whether that is reading your favorite book, setting up some kind of ritual that on Sunday nights you li have a nice bath and you listen to music, have some kind of ritual just for you that doesn't involve your kids, your family, even though they're around, you need to be.

Proactive about scheduling in something just for you that is restful and is non-doing, not getting stuff checked off your list. Okay, so set limits with kind of your guilt and your over productivity. The next area to set limits is literally just do less. Okay. You gotta set limits with your invitations and your commitments.

It goes along with the last point that we don't always need to be. Doing things, do fewer things and enjoy them more. That has been something that I have always tried to work with, with my with my children. I remember, especially around Christmas holidays when they were younger, there were so many activities and I would drive everybody just in insane with me trying to be extra.

We need the perfect holiday photo. We need to go see all of the holiday lights we need to. Fake the cookies. Like we just did so much stuff. We were so overscheduled. Like I felt, I was just yelling at my, come on, get your shoes, get this, we gotta go, we gotta do this, we gotta do that. And I had to just check myself like, this is supposed to be fun.

Why am I doing this? Is this aligned with rest and joy or this aligned with, you know, obligation. Right. Or this crazy idea that I have about, well, this is what kids are supposed to do. Why don't we ask them? Right. This is something I adopted around Christmas, like I said, years ago with my family after one particular winter break where I just drove everybody insane.

I. And none of us got the rest we needed, or I am. I felt like I had sucked the joy out of the holidays and I just said, Hey, listen I'm not gonna do that again. Let's think about next. I. Winter What, what everybody gets one favorite thing that they want to do. And that was it. I, that's it. Tell me your one favorite thing that's really important for you to do and some of the stuff that I thought was really important, like going on that Christmas train drinking the hot chocolate.

And seeing the lights and it was, you know, very difficult to get those tickets. And I, we all needed to be dressed the same and Polar Express theme and all the things, you know what? My kids didn't care about that. What they wanted to do was sit in the back seat of the minivan. I would let them do it in their pajamas.

We would stop at Starbucks. We'd go through the drive through and get a hot chocolate for the kids. And we would drive around the neighborhood and look at the neighbor lights. That's what they love to do more than that. Okay. That was easier, cheaper, less stressful, more fun. Both of them had that as their top thing they wanted to do.

I managed to knock so many things off the list. We did way fewer things and we enjoyed them more. I took them off my guilt list and it was just really. It was just more joyful. I dunno what else to say about that, that we had a better time. So get used to saying no to extra commitments. Again, lots of episodes on how do we say no and just a simple script.

You know what, I'm prioritizing rest this summer. I'm gonna have to pass. That's all you need to say, Hey, I'm prioritizing rest this summer. I'm gonna have to pass. When your family asks you, Hey, we're having the big family reunion, you've got lots of time. Can you organize it? Hey, you know what? I had love to help with that and I can commit to organizing the.

Picnic on Sunday morning, like set a limit. You don't have to say no to things, but you have to set limits on it. Just because you have the time off doesn't mean that suddenly it you are expected to do everything. So invitations, commitments, do like a simple gut check, like is this aligned with rest and joy, or am I doing this out of guilt or obligation?

And again, having needs, and your need at this point is to rest. And to recover. That need doesn't make you needy, it makes you human. Okay. So I'm gonna talk about the fourth area. I can feel some of you are probably going to groan 'cause I feel like a scratch record if you're old enough to know what a record is and how the need will get stuck in the groove and you would hear the same thing over and over and over again.

I feel like I say it a lot, but it is especially true over summer and it ties in with the last comment I made about how. Having this idea in my head of what needs to be perfect, what everybody needs to be doing, and so much of that comes driven from social media. I. So I really want you to be careful about not getting sucked into extra screen time.

And I know that we feel like, oh, well that's how I relax, but it is so proven. Oh my word. It is scientifically proven. That is not a way to relax. Okay, I'm talking about summer. We need to decompress. I started off by saying we need to regulate our nervous system. Our nervous system was never designed to be able to have this capacity to worry about everything happening everywhere in the world to everybody, right?

We lived in a small community and we were hardwired for safety to look for. Danger to survive, but it would just be our immediate community. We didn't know what happened outside our immediate community. And when we let the whole world in, and we have this negativity bias, and we all know that drama and dissension sells more than peace and joy and harmony.

I know that because I write books about positivity. And I would sell so much more and make so much more money if I just kind of incited people by things that are controversial, right? We know that that's how the algorithms are set up, and our nervous system doesn't have the capacity to absorb all that.

I think I've shared the quote before, Dr. Daniel Amen. Who is a top researcher in. Functional MRIs and looking at brain function, and he refers to it as drinking trauma from a fire hose. Like we literally don't have the capacity to absorb it all. Okay, so you're really. Just being on the phones, we think we have more time for it on our devices.

It's getting us to be more disconnected from our kids, more disconnected from our lives, more disconnected from reality. And it is really not helpful. And I understand that during the year, of course, my phone is always near me during the school year. What if my kids need something? What if you know somebody needs to get a hold of me?

The reality is. Over summer. Hopefully the people that you care about the most, who you need to have, you know, emergency access to you over summer, they're with you. They're in the car with you, they're on vacation with you, they're in the house with you. Put the phone down, turn it off. Make some real limitations around there.

Experiment. Experiment, just, just take summer as an experiment. Take some of the apps off your phone or set screen time goals for you and your family. Model appropriate behavior for other people in your family and really feel if you step away and limit your devices or set no screen time. Kind of timeframes during the week, during the day, certain days of the week, certain times of the day, whatever.

If you set up some rules around that, really ask yourself and then ask your children too. Did you find that process at, at, at the beginning? It will feed their anxiety. We're so used to picking up our phone. It's a distraction, right? It's a dopamine hit. And so there will be kind of this anxiety the first few hours or whatever, or the first few times you try this.

But I feel, and I notice this myself when my kids, when they would get in trouble and I would take away their phones, and the first day would be awful, but like day two or three, suddenly they would be so, they would like decompress. They would be relaxed. They would go find a jigsaw puzzle to do, or a book to read, right?

They would do things that weren't electronic. I thought they would test me every five minutes until their kind of blackout period was over. But they kind of forgot about it. They got involved in other things. Okay. And then I would have these conversations like, did that really feed your, your peace? Do you feel more peaceful?

How do you feel right now? You know, do you feel more connected? Do you feel more creative? Are you finding other things to do other than play the video games or be on the phones? And again. Model the behavior you want. Okay. I really feel that, that we need to summarize the perfect time to delete some apps to.

Step away from all the technology. Try, you know, be present all year. You wanted, oh, I can't wait to be home with my kids, or have time to walk the dog, or have time to go to the gym or do something that you love to do that you never have time to do during the school year. Painting, quilting, playing basketball with your friends, whatever it is.

You crave that time, and you will be really annoyed at yourself if you feel like you spent summer's gone and you didn't make time to do that. And so part of that is really being proactive and making sure that you set some limits on yourself. So I guess that's what I'm saying. You need to set limits with your family.

You need to set limits with being, you know, overcommitting with all, you know, limiting invitations. You also need to set some limits with yourself, and one of the key areas would be with technology. Okay, so that's it. Four areas, family, social media, over productivity. Being over committed. These are all areas to set limits on.

The one area never to set limits on is on your joy. I'm gonna give you a couple, you know, I always start with mindset, but I always talk about this one area, how easy it is to get into healthy habits, to retrain your mind to be more. Positively focused. Not gonna nerd out on you on the brain science, but it's there.

If you're interested, go Google the RAS, the reticular activating system. Talked about it many episodes, but here's a simple strategy. The lovely list. Okay? The lovely list. Go through your door with your day. Thinking to yourself or saying out loud, oh my gosh, isn't that lovely? Oh, I woke up and the birds were singing.

Oh, isn't that lovely? Just all the things Set your radar to look for things that you like, and you will find them and make a mental note to yourself. Isn't that lovely? And at the end of the day, when you're falling asleep. I count like, gosh, how many things can I remember off my lovely list? Or I always had this lovely practice with my own children before bed.

Hey, tell me the best three parts about your day. Okay? I know some people suggest I. Looking for one thing. You know, I've just told you to put your phones down, but a good use of your phone is when you see something you love, like, oh, is this gonna be the best thing I take a photo of today? And just snap that photo.

And then as you're going through the day and something better comes along or you see something nicer, just delete the old photo. This is it. This is it like you saw a, a bird splashing in the bird bath. I don't know what you saw. You saw that light coming through the trees and it looked really just magical.

Or it was the sound of your kids giggling and you just recorded it for a couple of seconds, and then make some nice ritual where you share it dinnertime or at bedtime. Hey, what was on your lovely list? Hey, what was the best thing that you captured on your phone today? It's a nice way to connect with your partner before you fall asleep.

Okay. Focus on the kind of on the, on the blessings, not on the burdens, right as we say. All right. That's it. I don't know how much longer you have in school. Hopefully it goes through, you know, joyfully, you know, may your coffee be strong and your students compliant, and your parents generous and, you can create your own path, bring your own sunshine, you can make it to a summer.

And I want to just thank you so much for making time to listen to this podcast. You may have noticed I've gone to an every other week schedule rather than a weekly schedule. I'm trying to set limits myself on how many hours I work. There are many other things in my life that I love to do and I find that left to my own devices.

I spend a lot of time at my desk and I have to ret as people often remind me, Hey, didn't you retire? Well, I did and then I went back to the classroom. I'm still substitute teaching and I'm still running my business and I'm kind of trying to change focus a little bit. I feel like I would have more impact if I worked with school districts.

Turns out school districts have a budget for pd. And it would appear. Many teachers are very reluctant to spend any money on themselves despite what they spend on their classrooms and their students. I put together amazing resources for free, but I also have some I. Literally life changing resources for a pretty small investment.

And I'm very proud of how small that investment is. And then I still get frustrated that teachers don't wanna do it. So I am working this summer on making more resources and actually a podcast for administrators. So I'm gonna stick to this. Every two week schedule for this particular podcast. I feel like there's over a hundred episodes.

There's lots you can binge on. There's lots you can go back and listen. So that's it. But something you could do to help me out is if you feel you have a colleague or a friend who needs to. Remember that summer is for you and for resting and regrouping. Then do share this episode with them. That would be an easy way to help them out and help me out.

And it could also be your intentional act of kindness for the day that will help you out too. So all good things. All right? So until next time, create your own path. Bring your own sunshine, and thank you for all the goodness you put out in the world. Every day in everything that you do for students, you rock.