The Twin Therapists Podcast
Drs. Jude and Julius Austin, identical twin brothers, lift the curtain on the "doing" of psychotherapy. With unwavering honesty, raw vulnerability, and unwavering compassion for the complexities of the human condition, they illuminate the path for both fledgling clinicians and seasoned professionals alike. The Twin Therapists podcast is your gateway to a world where healing meets humanity, leaving no stone unturned in the relentless pursuit of understanding the depths of the human soul.
The Twin Therapists Podcast
Resilience in Youth Sports & in Session
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Ever wondered why a simple sandwich could stir such deep emotions? Join us as we kick off our latest episode with a passionate homage to the now-discontinued Jimmy John's Frenchie sandwich. We share our personal quests to replicate that perfect buttered baguette experience and swap stories about our quirky food cravings. Get ready for a hilarious and heartfelt session as we celebrate the foods that have left a lasting impact on us.
The conversation then takes a poignant turn as we explore the rollercoaster journey of a father dealing with his son's sudden decision to quit soccer. Through candid reflections, we discuss the balance between supporting your child’s autonomy and pushing them to confront their fears. Listen as we share strategies and tough love moments that highlight the challenges and rewards of parenting and the invaluable lessons of effort and courage.
Wrapping up the episode, we dive into the importance of resilience and competitive spirit in young athletes. We'll recount personal stories that underline how a supportive but demanding environment can nurture determination. We also touch on the critical role of therapy in recognizing one's agency and the resilience needed to rebuild after setbacks. Finally, we examine the multifaceted nature of teaching, balancing genuine care for students with professional realities. Tune in for an episode filled with humor, honesty, and touching moments!
If you have any questions about any counseling related topics or would like the twins to share their thoughts about a particular counseling case - reach out with the info below:
https://thetwintherapists.com/
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Contact: thetwintherapists@gmail.com
Jimmy John's Frenchie Bread Butter Disappointment
Speaker 2hey , hey , welcome back y'all , man , we , we are back , finally again , man , finally , finally , man , we almost we almost made it a whole like week . I thought it was gonna be a week and a half , man , but I'm gonna try to put this cast up pretty soon , you know . So , uh , welcome back , man , we're back again . Um , we're gonna start with a little check-in , then we're gonna do a little topic and then we're gonna do a little check-in , then we're going to do a little topic and then we're going to do a little check-out . This is going to be a hot , hot and ready one , like Mr Getty's . It's a hot , hot and ready man . Mr Getty's , yeah , man , hot and ready . Wow , I don't want to disparage . You know we're still waiting for sponsorship , but nah , man , if we did get sponsored for you , it'd probably be what ? What's that restaurant that you like , the little sandwich place that you always be getting ? Jimmy John's , jimmy John's man . Hey , man , I'll be lighting Jimmy John's up .
Speaker 2Lighting it up , man .
Speaker 1Lighting it up .
Speaker 2I tell you , bro , if they just dug a tunnel to my office , it'd make their lives easier . Wow , you know what I like , dog , all right man .
Speaker 1Hey , we don't have time for this man . Hold on , we don't have time for this .
Speaker 2One of our children is going to wake up and come demand our presence .
Speaker 1Don't do that to him , man . Don't do that to him .
Speaker 2See , I started it . Now he , getting all hot and bothered under the collar , start talking about sandwiches and deli meats , start talking about salad and all kinds of sauces . Look at him , he's chuffed , chuffed to bits . Look at him . Listen , man , listen to my story , bro . So man , listen to my story , bro , so man . So Jimmy John's used to have this little plain , plain , plain , like you know , the sandwich called the Frenchie Right . Okay , couldn't tell you what was on it , but it was , it was French , it was dynamite and it used to be on a baguette and they used to butter the baguette . So I don't know what happened to Jimmy Johns , I don't know who hurt him , I don't know who offended him .
Speaker 2I don't know but JJ said you changed on us Jimmy . Nah , JJ said we free , so we not said we free , so we not doing the Frenchie anymore . And when I tell you . It hurt me to my core , man , so I called my local Jimmy John's . Yeah , you seem like one of them , types that are called local . I called the local Jimmy John's and I was like , hey , hey , man , what happened to the Frenchie ?
Speaker 2He said you know , we just not serving it anymore . I said well , what happened to the Frenchie ? I said you know , we're just not serving it anymore . I said , well , what's the closest equivalent ? You know , wow , slim , number five . I was like man , but you know what , you know what , what ?
Speaker 1type of sauce y'all . I was like you know what .
Speaker 2I'm going to miss man . I'm going to miss that buttered bread .
Speaker 1I'm going to miss , man , I'm going to miss that buttered bread .
Speaker 2I'm going to miss that smathering of that butter on that bread . Why are you popping the mic man ? He's all up in the listener's ear , bro . I mean , what is that butter ? What is that margarine ? Macalester all needs to be spiked , Spiked . They had to cut off a heel and an elbow , but he got his sandwich he ruined it around the elbows .
Speaker 2I don't think they do that with cholesterol , no elbows . They keep talking about diabetes . For cholesterol , it's the in bits they cut off . It's the in bits , just joints . It's the in bits , just joints .
Speaker 2I think it's joints alright , alright you can tell it's midnight when we do it . They have to put a spigot On that boy's elbows , you have to put a valve on it , anyway , so , anyway . So I called my local Jimmy John's and I was like look , what's the closest equivalent To the Frenchie . He said no , y'all not making the baguettes , even though Y'all make bread everyday . Y ? Y'all not making the baguettes , even though y'all make bread every day . Y'all could just make these baguettes .
Speaker 1But I didn't say nothing .
Speaker 2That's crazy work . Y'all can't make the baguettes for your boy . I'm a loyal customer . So they said , look , we could do the slim five . And I was like , but what about the butter ?
Speaker 1Yeah , and the guy said you know , this is what I when you breathe , when you're breathing this is what I imagine him doing .
Speaker 2I imagined him on the phone looking to his right , looking to his left , and then he said we'll butter your bread if you , if you , if you want that I was like the way you said it . The way you said it sounds like a euphemism , but I'm going to let you keep your job . I said thank you kindly .
Speaker 1That's why .
Speaker 2I always tip them a little extra Also . I feel like they'd be giving me the good cookie .
Speaker 1Okay , you know what ?
Speaker 2I mean Because sometimes those cookies be like biscuits like snapping . How much ? Because the listeners want to know are you starting to salivate right now ? If you are , go to your local Jimmy John's dispensary and tell them , tell them . Tell them Dr Austin sent you this . When you get a recommendation from somebody to go and pick up food at a restaurant , that is big bakery at its finest . That is the the biggest of bakeries and it's finest . Nah , man .
Speaker 2For real he said tell him I sent you . Nah . But for real though , on a serious tip for real , for really real , I'll be having them streets hot . I know , bro , they don't even dog dog dog . Yeah , you know what's that app that you use to order food . I go straight to the source . I go to the Jimmy John's app . I got the app . I'm a rewards customer , Wow .
Speaker 1Yeah , no , no .
Speaker 2Damn the punch card . I don't need a punch card . Nah , this ain't no hobby . I need my own credit card . I need my Jimmy John's credit card . I didn't need that French loaf , you , I didn't need that French loaf , you know ? Wow , anyway , they don't even knock anymore , man , they don't even knock , they just like pick their heads on the window , you know , just peek to the side and be like you know , hold the bag up . You know , come on in .
Speaker 1Yeah come on in . Come on in , Jeffrey .
Speaker 2What's up , jeff hey man .
Speaker 1Hey , how's your ?
Speaker 2mama , did your dad get that foot ?
Speaker 1thing taken care of .
Speaker 2You're joking man , You're joking . You're joking . You know that's how I am . You know that's how I am , man , Sometimes dog , Sometimes dog . I forget that I've ordered it you know , Walk into my office after a long meeting with somebody and I see it just on my desk . I don't even know how they got in . Oh , they got a key . I thought you give the people that you love and care for a key . I don't know how they got in but , anyway , anyway , um , that's , that's the end of the jimmy johns wow , this is a whole jimmy johns commercial .
Speaker 2Yeah , if they don't sponsor us by now , I mean we doing all this light work for free ? I know man for real , for anyway , let me check in real quick .
Speaker 2Man , um , um , hey man , hey bro , so you know , you know val is playing soccer , he's three yeah , right , and he , he is on the same team as one of my good friends and also my student , right , okay , and so her kid is like two and a half turning three , and so he's young , you know , and it's like you three . So valen is like two games first week won a medal , right , I mean , your boy crushed it , right I ? I was not expecting that , you know , yeah , but so I called some scouts , you know .
Speaker 1They said they couldn't make it for the second game , but that's whatever .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's all good .
Facing Fear on the Soccer Field
Speaker 2I don't know what happened during that game and this game , but I knew it was a problem because when we went to sleep he was like Daddy , I don't ever want to play soccer again . If you know Valen , but for the listeners , if you don't know him , he means what ?
Speaker 1he says , that's it .
Speaker 2He means what he says . There's no bartering . He said those exact words . He said , Daddy , that's it .
Speaker 2He means what he says there's no bartering , there's no . He said those exact words . He said , daddy , I don't want to ever play soccer again , wow . And I said , okay , man , my heart hurts . I said , all right , man , no , we'll talk about it in the morning , thinking that so you didn't say well , listen , I'm not going to make you do anything that you don't want to do , and if you don't feel like playing soccer , then you don't have to play soccer .
Speaker 2No , you said we're going to talk about it in the morning . Get a good night's sleep and rethink what you just said to daddy .
Speaker 1Well , you , may not wake up in the room that you were sleeping . If you say it again .
Speaker 2Obviously you lost yourself . Yeah , Maybe you can find yourself on this field here . Yeah , because you're going to wake up on midfield , yeah , you know . And so now , man , we woke up and he meant what he said . Man From the morning , he was cool about it , he wasn't like a tantrum .
Speaker 2It was just cool , I don't want to play soccer . I took it , I put his jersey on , put his shoes on , socks on . Shiloh put everybody in the car , came back he was naked . He had already taken off his stuff , taken off his shoes , taken off everything . I was like , dude , we got a game . You're not going to get the snacks .
Speaker 1Hey , this ain't practice Snap out of it , snap out of it , man .
Speaker 2Hey , this isn't .
Speaker 1No , I don't think you understand .
Speaker 2You don't get a choice . You don't have a choice here . Anyway , long story short , we get a choice . Yeah , you don't have a choice here . Yeah , man . So anyway , long story short .
Speaker 1Well , I said we got a game .
Speaker 2Long story short , he won . He didn't play a single minute , you know . But I told him I was like , look man , look , you know the team , your brother's team is named . You know something ? Lollipops or something . And so I was like , look man , like I'll bring lollipops for the game . If you play , all you got to do is try . I don't care if you score , I don't care if you kick the ball , nothing but like you know . And so he told me he was scared , scared of the people you know , um , and you know which is . You know , you know a lie , because the week before he was out there crushing it know so .
Speaker 1So you yelled at him and said , yeah like don't lie straight to my face , you know . Yeah , don't do that .
Speaker 2No , I basically , you know and um , it's don't , don't , don't , don't , don't lie to versus one of those those weeks man . And so , you know , we set him out , you know , and he was like can I get a lollipop ? I was like nah , dude , like lollipops are for the players . I'm dead serious dog . I was like nah man . I was like , look , look man , look you . You can make a choice right now . Look like I know you're scared , but there's no reason for you to be scared .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , yeah .
Speaker 2There's no reason for you to be scared . You have everything you need inside of you to go out there and play .
Speaker 1What did he say ?
Speaker 2He didn't say anything , because I don't think he really understood what I was saying , but I was just playing the seeds .
Speaker 1Yeah , it's just a . Understood what I was saying , but I was just planting the seeds . Yeah , it's just a seed that you plant . I was like I love you . I was like you harvest it next season .
Speaker 2I was like you see that girl over there . She's my student and she's an amazing person and she loves you . I was like you see that person over there . I was like I know that person . We went to school together . I was like you see the ref . He's a student at the university I work at . If he makes a bad call , I will kick him out of the university . That's how much we love you . You got everything you need . I was like , listen to me , face your fear and you are making a choice .
Speaker 2I'm fixing to run through this computer screen man , you are making a choice , you're getting me hyped man , I'm about to bust through these walls in front of you right now , man . Listen , listen , listen . I brought these lollipops . Yeah , and you will have earned them . Yeah , yeah , yeah , I brought these lollipops and you will have earned them if you get out there .
Speaker 1I'm trying to get me a lollipop man .
Speaker 2You brought me here to get me hype like this .
Speaker 1These are already your lollipops man .
Speaker 2All you have to do is choose to take it . I'm trying to win a U3 championship , baby you know .
Speaker 1But choose to take it . I'm trying to boss Paul in the three U division .
Speaker 2And he didn't . He didn't man , and I hit him with that , kim Coggins . I hit him with that , kim , the very second .
Speaker 1You chose not to try was the second you chose not to have a lollipop .
Speaker 2Meanwhile , I love you enough to not give you this lollipop , because if I give it to you , it's going to reinforce me . Ken's got four lollipops in my time . You better listen to him . You better listen to him .
Speaker 1You better listen to him , Jack you better listen to him .
Speaker 2McDog , I'm eating all of my lollipops now he's sitting there sucking on them lollipops . When daddy starts spouting off that you got everything within you , you better listen to him . He putting belt to ass . After this , it's gonna be belt to ass if you don't get on that field . Trust me , big dog . And to his credit , man , he , he , he accepted it , you know , he . I said I would say look , look , look . If you want to stop , if you don't want me to get you to try anymore , that's fine , you know .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2But look , you're going to sit in the sideline and we're going to cheer for the team . You know we're going to like . You know we're gonna like . You know whatever I was like , but listen , man and dog , and it hurts , it hurt me hurt me to the core dog after the game . They had some good snacks . I'm talking full size snicker bar . Good snacks man and he looked at me and said , daddy , can I get a snack ? And I was like dude .
Speaker 1No , the snacks are for the players yeah , big dog .
Speaker 2Yeah , bruh , bruh . What am I supposed to do ? What am I supposed to do ? What am I supposed to do ? I was like , look , hey , next week we'll try again . Them , ceruse , bruh , next week we'll try again . I don't make the rules , next week we'll try again . We got home , made him breakfast , made him some french toast eggs you know how he likes it with the hazelnut cream , you know , instead of the milk , just like he likes it .
Speaker 2And then , right before he bit it , you threw it against the wall and said only winners eat eggs , Because the eggs are for players .
Speaker 1Nah , I'm doing this because I love you . Nah , nah , bro .
Speaker 2Seriously had a good morning and we talked about it the whole day , talked about it the whole the rest of the day . Dawg I'm sitting in there , you know , and I'm like , dude , what was so scary about the play ? What was so scary about the people ?
Speaker 2you know , Talked about it , dawg Hours pass , you know . I was like , hey , man , have you thought about what you can do to face your fear next week ? You know , like just all of the stuff you do , dog . But in that moment , man , I was in a different world and it was me and him . I didn't even know where Lindsey was , it was just me and him . Bruh .
Speaker 1Where were the other kids at ?
Speaker 2Huh Huh , what , what ? No , I , I is that . Huh huh , what what ? No , I I start starting fires , dude hood that stuff with my friends . Strong property , nah , man , anyway , bro , that was , that was , that was that was me , bro , that was my weekend , man , wow , yeah yeah meanwhile your kids getting almost kicked out and red carded and yellow card oh yeah , man , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , cairo , yeah , cairo had a so ruby ruby's doing dance , man , she loves it , man loves it dog when I tell you like man man , the she goes to this .
Speaker 2Uh , she goes to this . This dance academy that was voted the best , the best dance academy in Acadiana , right ? And it's this black-owned dance academy where it's all black girls , right .
Speaker 1Man .
Speaker 2I cannot tell you how sacred of a space that is for these girls , man space that is for these girls . Man , like um man the second , the door opens and they walk into the dance studio . Man , it's like you know , it's like they , they have the the freedom to be themselves . You know , without , without anybody like watching or judging , judging you know whatever . Yeah , Without you know , any of that stuff ?
Speaker 2you know , not any of that stuff , you know . So man like robie , well , we walked into into the thing , man , robie like frolicked into this place , right , and there's an african drumming , uh , class . That's to the back of it and that's taught by one of megan's cousins , um , and like just a prominent member of the community , you know . And um , yeah , man , so robie went there . She wants him to do the african drumming , because we went there a little early , you know . And so you know she's dancing . I'm , I'm , like , you know , like telling her , like oh yeah , daddy used to play these drums too , you know , whatever . And then her teacher came , pick , came like , said , you know , like hey , we're ready . And so she gave me a big hug , gave me a kiss , and she just like went into the class and , like I can , as I was walking past the class , I can see , see her like drop her bag , like look at herself in the mirror .
Speaker 2You know like just check out like her face and like all this stuff . You know I was like ugh . It's invaluable to have like a place where you know like , especially like young Black girls can , like you know , have a space where , like , they're not comparing themselves you know , um yeah yeah , man , so , uh , so she does . She does african hip-hop , uh , ballet and tap , I believe . Yeah , um , yeah , so it's , it's legit , man . It kind of makes me miss our time when we was dancing at Grace Hamilton .
Speaker 2You know , would you say that again ? It makes me miss our time when you and I were dancing at Grace Hamilton School of the Arts . Simon , I don't recall . You don't remember us dancing at the academy , for you don't remember that . Nah , I don't remember . Nah , okay , you don't remember our nipples being out . You don't remember that . No , I don't remember . You don't remember our nipples being out . You don't remember our nipples dangling out of the costumes . You don't remember the snapping of the leotard . Yeah , man , good times , man . You don't remember your nipple meat being all out on display . Why they put us in that uniform , bro .
Speaker 1No idea man .
Speaker 2We didn't consent to that , bro . We did a whole for years we were training for this recital . Man , and show up on the day of yeah , all our cousins came to watch . Yeah , all our cousins From watch . Yeah , all our cousins from the hood hood , I saw that . Our hood cousins came to watch .
Speaker 1I saw that and I was like where's the rest of ?
Speaker 2it . Yeah , this it , jay , this it . Yeah . You see that little snappy bit at the bottom . Yeah , snap that together , yeah .
Speaker 1I was like where is the rest of ?
Speaker 2it you sitting there like why is it so airy , Please ?
Speaker 1no , why is it so airy ?
Speaker 2Like jeez , I barely got anything on it's drafty in here .
Speaker 1We did it , though we did it .
Speaker 2All that nipple meat ain't dangling out there , man . We did it and we did it though , Anyway . So , yeah , bro , we did it and he did it though , Anyways , yeah , bro . So yeah , Cairo had soccer too , you know , and you know he's playing at he's seven years old , he's playing at 9U and yeah , just you know , because Cairo had that too when he was younger , of like , you know , a little bit of like timidness , you know , like I'm not gonna play hard , you know . And then that's completely shifted and me and megan had megan had this one talk with him after a game when he was a little timid . It goes against everything I stand for . She was talking to him after the game in the car on the way back . Oh , no , dog , yeah , that's a sacred space man . She was letting him have it . Letting him have it , man .
Speaker 1I can hear it I can hear it . Boy , you let us pay all this money . You let us spend all this money on this rest of the stretch . You made us get Air Jordan soccer cleats . You didn't even make Air Jordan soccer cleats . Sitting there , not even playing .
Speaker 2You know , I'm going to wear those cleats Because , you don't know , it was actually like really self-affirming and like really , like you know , positive and like speaking life into it . Man , like I'm talking about speaking life into it and after that one conversation he has completely changed man . Now he's on the field , like you know , speaking life into him , and after that one conversation he has completely changed man Now . Now he's on the field , like you know , speaking death and the other players , yeah , man , it's getting out of hand , it's getting out of hand .
Speaker 2It's getting out of hand Like the referee was a referee when we were playing
Athlete's Son's Soccer Success and Discipline
Speaker 2Right . You remember that little shark , little shark lady . Yeah , little chart lady , yeah , wow , yeah , she , she reffed Cairo's game this weekend . Wow , yeah , I saw her . I gave her a hug . She gave me a hug . She was like oh my god , she's like you mean to tell me I'm now refereeing your son .
Speaker 2I was like , yeah , yeah man I was like how long have you been refereeing ? She was like since like 96 . I was like , yeah , that's about when we started playing . You know , yeah , man , yeah , yeah , she had to Like it was three violations where Kyra was just like man . So he was playing super hard , man Like super hard . Kyra's one of the better kids on the team . He isn't a striker , but this season he's a striker . This is one of the first seasons where I'm like yo , yeah , we do this thing called practice after practice . The chasm between how good he was to how good he is now because of those practices after practice man , just me and him doing like ball work and stuff like that man , it's crazy . Yeah , it's probably because that's like the only time you ever spend time with him . Well , the only time is that I spend time with him is if he's working towards the goal that I'm , that I set for him , which is to let me live .
Speaker 2I set for him , yeah , the .
Speaker 1NIL , which is to let me live through him .
Speaker 2Yeah , vicariously , yeah let me live through and then cash out on him when he's like 22 , 23 . Yeah , yeah . He's got a good Instagram following . Yes , I don't understand why you would have kids to . You want to raise them healthily .
Speaker 1I mean some people Just be present . No , raise him healthily .
Speaker 2You know , I mean some just be present some . No , no , no no no , no , no , we ain't trying to get scholarships . No , no , no . Yeah , okay , I'm trying to , I'm trying to , I'm trying to , I'm trying to use and abuse my kids . Uh , so I can go ahead and get me a , maybe a nice little car , got it ?
Speaker 1thank you for that all right , clip it , clip it , nah man , nah nah , he just , he just played , he just plays really hard man , it's just , it's good to All right , clip it , clip it , nah man .
Speaker 2Nah , nah , he just plays really hard man .
Speaker 1It's good to see man .
Speaker 2So in the middle of the game , me and Kyra argue on the field , right . So I yell at him , he yells back at me . I yell at him , he yells back at me Not anything vicious , it's just like you know . Yeah , no , it's just super healthy . Yeah , no , it's just like cairo . You're creating too much space between an attack and I'm midfield and he goes back . I know I'm telling rj to move , you know , just like you know . So I told him . I was like cairo , come here . He's like what , what ? Like the play was going on , I was like come here . We should , we should tell the listeners that , like you know , this is all through cb radio . This isn't you're not . Tell the listeners that , like you know , this is all through CB radio . This isn't , this is all through walkie talkie yeah , yeah , yeah this is all through .
Speaker 2You know those sprint walkie talkie phones , that was the little chirpers , the little chirps .
Speaker 2Yeah , this is all through yeah nah , man , look , I just called him over dog and I like grabbed his face . I was like , dude , I'm so proud of you . And I can tell he like kind of , oh yeah , didn't want to smile , but like was smiling . I'm like dude , I cannot tell you how proud I am of you . Dude , you keep working hard . I'm so proud of him . He just kept the momentum up the whole game . We won the game . I think it was 3-1 or whatever .
Speaker 2There were some pivotal times in the game where the other team got a penalty kick , the other team missed the penalty kick and Kyra yells how did he miss from there ? Exactly , dog , exactly . I was like oh , oh , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , dog , we're already up two goals . Kyra scores another goal right and he does a uh round off backflip by the opposing fans and I was like no , no , oh , no , no , no , no , no , no , no . I would have sat him down if we had subs . What have I done ? I would have sat him down if we had subs , dog . But not only did we not have subs , but we was playing down a man . Yeah , you know . So then at the end of the game , the ref blows the whistle , we shake hands , or whatever . Kyra walks to the opposing bench and he goes losers . Wow , hands . Or whatever . Cairo walks to the opposing bench and he goes losers . I was like Cairo , get over here , get over here . So I had to have a conversation with him .
Speaker 1I had to make him understand .
Speaker 2You got to point at them when you say and you don't just say losers , you say you're a loser and you're a loser and you're a loser . Yeah , dog . Genuinely , these kids were like these kids were sad and like we were . You know , I'm that type of coach that like hey , man , we're out here to learn . You know , if you do , if you do an improper throwing , I'm not going to be like hey , get the ball pick it up , run , run , run .
Speaker 1I I'm picking up .
Speaker 2Run , run , run . I'm going to be like , hey , let's just look at the graph and say hey , let's do it again . Take out the ball . Let's do it again . Everybody out here is trying to learn . Cairo is like I don't care if we're trying to learn , I'm trying to win .
Speaker 2Jack , I am trying to win Cairo is like do all that teaching stuff . Do all that teaching stuff when we go up two or three goals . Teach and stuff . Do all that teaching stuff when we go up two or three goals . I even help out the other team Carl hates that stuff . And now I'm realizing that , man , they're at the age right now where they're making a transition from oh yeah , we're out here to have fun to no , we're trying to win hey bro hey , man , hey , let me ask you this question .
Speaker 2Maybe this will bring it to the topic . You know and I know we're already out of time you know , how much of your clients' issues do you think would be solved with the losing season ? I don't think any one of my clients can handle the intensity of being an athlete . But here's the thing . No , no , no , no , I lie .
Speaker 1One client , one client that I have is this feisty girl from LA .
Speaker 2Here's the thing . Here's the thing . But just to take an L , just to learn how to take an . L no , they can't . I don't know if we talked about this in the cast or not , but what I'm saying is dog , not now . I'm not saying like as they are now , if they have a losing season . Do you think I'm saying when they're like four or five ? No , bro .
Speaker 1This is what I think , and they took some L's .
Speaker 2This is the shift right . Last weekend , kyra had a soccer game and two flag football games and he lost all three of them . Yeah , right , kyra came back home and he said , no , we were on the field . And Kyra looked at me and said , daddy , I lost every single game I played this weekend . When we get home , can we practice After playing three games ? That's the difference . I think my clients would have been like Dog . No , I think it's systemic , right . Yeah , I think it's systemic , right . Yeah , I think it's systemic , right . Yeah , you know , like , remember that real bad season we had where we were- .
Speaker 1Oh , for Cosmos , Cosmos .
Speaker 2yeah , I mean we almost quit , you know , because it was just like you know , and then the next season we went unbeaten , yeah , you know like undefeated , yeah , and but there was something about , like our environment that was set up to allow us to , like , integrate the else without internalizing it do you get what I'm saying no , yeah , I internalized it , but in the right way , in like a constructive way .
Speaker 2Nah , for me it was completely unhealthy . What do you mean ? For me , it was like I'm not going back on this field ever again until I feel like I will never lose another game . But that's constructive is what I'm saying . No , it's unhealthy . No , no , no , dog , nah , that's constructive is what I'm saying ? No , it's unhealthy . No , no , no , no , that to me is unhealthy .
Speaker 2No , that to me is is is like a motivational type of destruction , you know no I think , I think , I think what most people do is they say oh man , it's just , it's just a game .
Instilling a Gravitational Pull
Speaker 2See , I think that's unhealthy . I think that's unhealthy .
Speaker 1I think that's unhealthy Because your system isn't no , no , no .
Speaker 2I think you're completely skewed and screwed . No , no , no , dog , because your system isn't set up in a way that allows you to see the perspective . You know , because , like dog , there's some kids out there . You and me know that , like it was just a game for them , but it wasn't a game for us , but that kid couldn't look around and go .
Speaker 2I know it's just a game for me , but it's not a game for my teammates . So I need to either leave or match their energy . And to me , to me . I blame the parents , you know , seriously for not giving them that perspective on like of course it's just a game . But also , it ain't just a game , dog . When did Mama and Daddy ever sit us down and say like it's ?
Speaker 1not just a game . I know they didn't .
Speaker 2I know they didn't , I know they didn't , but there was something about our environment that allowed us to go . I want to make them all feel the way I felt at the end of this season next season . Yeah , not just the players . I want the parents to question whether or not they should put their kids in this in this team next season .
Speaker 1I want , I want the parents to think .
Speaker 2I want the parents to be like is it even worth spending this much money If they can just get their ass beat by ? You know ?
Speaker 1the cosmos every season . I know I , you know the cosmos every season .
Speaker 2I know , I know like our parents didn't instill that in us , you know , but I'm saying like they have that hour . You know inside of them that we witness either vicariously or you know , like face to face , watching them handle adversity and climbing up ladders and and going broke and building it up and yada , yada , yada , whether or not we knew it or not , whether or not they express it to us . Just being around it , I think , allowed us to be able to go . Because , doc , seriously , when we had that losing season and we went home , nobody talked to us about it . No , we didn't about it . No , we didn't process it . There was no process , no process . But we did get cones , yeah , and we did build a wall . We did build a wall . We did get some soccer goals . We got soccer goals , yeah , quietly , yeah , nobody said anything to us , but we did get a parachute , yeah , you know , we did get some ladders . Yeah , we did get ankle weights , uh-huh , you know and then ankle weights , remember those shoes
Speaker 2yeah , dog , all of that stuff , man , no , no , remember running up the roof , bruh , bruh , nobody said anything , but there was hot ham sandwiches waiting for us when we got there .
Speaker 2You know what I mean . Like , like , I'm just saying , like you know , I don't know and I don't . I genuinely , I genuinely do not think that my current caseload and this is no shade you don't have , you don't have to have that dog in you , you don't have to , but I , I genuinely think that I have , maybe I have two , two , maybe two or three clients on my caseload that got that dog in them that if they , if they , got punched in the teeth by a team , they would continue to get up and it , and I don't think a lot of clients in my case , I think a lot of clients in my case , though , would say why am I even taking this so seriously ? It's just a game . I'm not going pro , I'm just out here trying to have fun with my friends . This is so silly to even be taking this so personally , I had a lot of fun . I feel privileged to even move my body the way that I moved it . I feel privileged to be outside of the sun .
Speaker 2I'm going to sign up next season if I feel like playing . I genuinely think that's where they're at and that's okay . Listen , listen . Do you think they would be where they are now like clients , you know , struggling with anxiety , depression , whatever if they went through a losing season with support and when I say support I don't mean like processing through it , I mean somebody to be like , hey , look at the scoreboard . No , not only look at the scoreboard .
Speaker 2Remember this , remember this feeling clients cannot handle that right , you really clients can't handle that you really think at like a three and a five year old age , like like raising ? Them in that way . No , I don't know they are . They are crackable at that age .
Speaker 2They got the day you , they , when do they develop the don't wants ? This is the . We have practice after practice , every practice and every practice . Cairo invites his teammates to come practice after practice . His teammates mess around with the ball , they kick around , they have fun , whatever they're laughing and joking . When his teammates leave and it's me and him on the field , kyra looks at me and says I want to be the last person on this field . He said to me the other week I want to be the last person on this park . We played until we couldn't see the ball anymore . We did drills . We had to put a bench down so he can kick the ball against the bench . And that's what I'm saying . We ran drill after drill after drill after drill after drill after drill after drill after drill after drill .
Speaker 1Drill after drill after drill after drill after drill after drill after drill , drill after drill after drill .
Speaker 2Like when his little friends left and the team left and everybody keyed in hard off the field and I come on , we got homework you know , whatever Like he drill after drill after drill , it was eight , 30 before we left the field . We made it back home . He took a shower , he ate , he finished homework . He woke up the next morning at 6 am to read his books and then he did his AR testing .
Speaker 1He missed recess to do his AR testing .
Speaker 2Not everybody has that dog in them like that , I'm not doing anything as a parent . Can that be manifested ? Can that be manifested ? Can that be developed ? Can it be ? No , I think it is inherited . I think it is inherited . I'm not sitting there saying , as a matter of fact , I'm the one saying hey , dude , you don't have to go to the AR party . You already got your AR points for the thing . Hey , dude , we don't have to practice on Thursdays , just practicing on Tuesdays is going to help I know , but I don't think you hear what I'm saying .
Speaker 2I don't think you hear what I'm saying , darling , I don't think you hear what I'm saying . Help me , help me , hear you . I just think it's maybe above you . I think you're putting a little bit too much like extra little sauce on the clients , on the client's potential here . I think you got a little bit too much belief . Too much belief , too much hope . Yeah , you got too much of that . And these clients , they bought their life . These clients are not about their life . These clients want nice , happy lives . They want nice happy , easy lives . Man , yeah , they're not trying to be uncomfortable .
Speaker 2You have to seek that out , I know that , I know that , but that's what I'm saying dog , that's what I'm saying If there was a way to instill that gravitational pull towards that struggle I mean real struggle , not like this manifested struggle that you get when you actually , when you actually create a solution to your problem , solution to your problems , that's like that that becomes the problem you know , and then now that's the struggle we're talking about in session .
Speaker 2Yeah , we're talking about the struggle you've manifested for your own self so you actually don't have to face a deeper issue in your life . I'm not talking about that . I'm talking about people being willing to actually turn that boat into the wind in session . But there's just so many times in session where I feel like what a client needs is To experience ails In a supportive , and I don't mean I don't mean what's the right word . I don't mean like a pacifying Environment , but an environment that does say like , yeah , like , take that , ale , nah , yeah , nah , don't get up , don't take your shoes off . I want you to feel everything . Remember this feeling . You know , stand . It's like one of those things like what did you do after breakup ? You know , dog , I , dog . I think that there are certain people I have two clients in mind who say after I break up I'm about to lose weight , I'm about to take care of myself , I'm about to eat better , I'm about to drink better , I'm about to get more education .
Speaker 1Yeah , because maybe she was right .
Speaker 2Maybe she was right . That's my point . That's my point . That's my point . My point is Kyra lost every single game and he was like I tried my hardest and I still lost the ball .
Speaker 1Don't lie , the ball don't lie .
Speaker 2I tried my hardest and we still lost it . Ain't it ain't . It's not enough . Oh , we had fun out here . No , I tried my hardest . Maybe I need to try harder . Maybe I need to get better . What can I do to get better ? Oh , I need to go practice . Yeah , I don't
Recognizing Agency in Therapy Clients
Speaker 2think . I think what most people do is they say I just went through a hard breakup . I need just a little bit of time to kind of sit on the bench and like catch my bearings , you know , and like maybe , like you know , maybe focus on myself a little bit more . But I don't know how to focus on myself . I've never been outside of a relationship before . All I know is me that's been in a relationship . I don't know how to . Yeah , and I think it takes a very special type of person to be like . Maybe that person was right , maybe there are some things within me that I need to change and I just , like you know not just like just whole wholehearted , just swallow that .
Speaker 2No , no , no no , but I do like a legit introspective look at like what , what were the things that were right ? What , what were ?
Speaker 1the things that were wrong . It does .
Speaker 2It does take it takes like it takes some courage , man Like you know , like so many times , like you know , I'm in supervision , you know , and it's you know , my supervisors , who listen to the podcast are going to be like , yep , you know . But there's so many times in supervision where , like , like I'm saying , basically I'm saying people's top dogs , you know , like I'm saying like some grimy stuff , you know , like mean , you know , and it feels like my supervisees I don't think they're shocked at all right now , even my students anymore , you know , but it's like , bro , that's what you're saying , that's what the clients are saying to themselves yeah , can they hear that ? You know , because if they can hear it and like receive it , then they can handle hearing tough stuff out in the world . Maybe , yeah , and maybe they can't . Maybe they can't though , maybe they can't .
Speaker 2And I'm not saying I have an abundance of hope for clients . I do feel like , though , at some point , that's what we're talking about in therapy . Yeah , you know what I mean . That's what it all boils down to . That's what we're talking about in therapy . Yeah , you know what I mean .
Speaker 1That's what it all boils down to . That's what it all boils down to . Yeah , what are they really talking about here ?
Speaker 2Like are you getting back up or are you staying down ? Yeah , hey , it's fine either way . Either way it's fine . Either way it's fine . It's fine either way , I think some clients are like I think I need to take a little break . I think daddy needs a little break . Meanwhile me and you would be like break Nah , man Nah . I think the response is usually like I don't think I can join you down there . Yeah , you know what I mean . Join you down there , yeah , yeah .
Speaker 1You know what I ?
Speaker 2mean yeah , yeah , I find a therapist who will . I want that for you .
Speaker 1Mm-hmm yeah .
Speaker 2Yeah , yeah , yeah , you know what I mean . I don't because I don't , man , I don't know how long you're going to be down there , but there's times where I see it in a client . They haven't seen it yet . Oh yeah , oh yeah , yeah . There's one that I meet every other Friday . Every other Friday . Yeah , like they don't know it yet , and there's sometimes there's like supervisees , you know , and I think I talked to some of them today about that , you know like you don't see it yet you got that dog .
Speaker 2While I'm trying , I'm trying to feed it .
Speaker 1I'm like , yeah , raw meat .
Speaker 2I'm just leaving little tidbits , you know , until you find yourself to the ropes and you pull yourself back up . Yeah , man . Like and the same thing with clients , dog . And when I tell you , dog , when a client recognizes it's the best , oh it . A client recognizes it's the best , oh man , it's the best , it's the best , and they take control of their lives in a way that they've never taken control of their lives before .
Speaker 2They have some agency and some tribe and they be saying stuff like I just thank you for all you have on my head . I just bear witness , child , just bet , I just bear witness , child . I just bear witness . I didn't do nothing , shag , I just bear witness . You did all the work . No , it wouldn't be possible without you . No , no , you had to eat dirt and you had to stand up on your own two feet and be like I don't like the way this dirt tastes . Man , yeah , man .
Speaker 1I don't like it .
Speaker 2Yeah man , yeah For real , yeah For real . I think that dog within us is inherited . Thank you , um , but dog , but can you do you reckon , and I know we gotta go . I know we gotta go because I gotta do some work , man , and I know you don't . You about to get fired from one job ? Um , yeah , barely starting another one , yeah , and them boys asking for their technology back . Real quick . They sent me their own boxes talking about give me our stuff back , hey , but , but , um , do you recognize it in the first session ?
Speaker 1Oh , I recognize it , I recognize it in the .
Speaker 2I recognize it in the voicemail they leave when I miss their call . Yeah , I forget , you never answered a call in the voicemail they leave when I miss their call . I forget you never answer the call in the first ring .
Speaker 2You just want to see how determined they are . I want to see how determined man , If you leave a voicemail , then yeah , I may think about putting you on the case . If you don't leave a voicemail , you don't want this work . You don't want this work . Don't summon me unless you're ready for that pain . Do want this work .
Speaker 1you don't you don't want this work ? Don't summon me .
Speaker 2Unless you're ready for that pain , do not summon me . I was all ready for that pain . He waited for a text message and then he goes yeah , you're ready , yeah , yeah , yeah . No , I mean not seriously , seriously , seriously . Yeah , I think I think you can recognize it in the first session .
Speaker 2Yeah , not in the air , not in an arrogant way . It's just that , like you , you start training your ear , like I tell students right , like with your theoretical orientation , it's really just like how you're training your ear to hear things and listen to things , you know what I mean yeah yeah , like you , you know , like , uh , I'm just coming to you because my , you know , my , my girlfriend broke up with me and uh , well , so , so now what ?
Speaker 2yeah , I think the worst is the sounding board one , or the advice one , or the I need some tools for my toolbox one .
Speaker 1I mean , we talked about this in other casts .
Speaker 2I'm here to get over that relationship . Why do you want to get over it ? Don't you want it to linger around for a while ? Don't you want to look at that scoreboard ? Don't you want to learn from it ? Yeah , but I got one client man , I know he probably doesn't listen to this cast , but I got one client who , uh is , uh , he's building the type of life that he wants for himself . Yeah , brick by brick , yeah by brick and by , and he is suffering and you just mixing the suffering for it , just mixing that I'm talking yeah , it is the .
Speaker 2It is the hardest hero story , the hardest here I'm talking . I'm talking he's getting , uh , denied jobs . He's getting accepted jobs . He's getting stuff pulled away from him . He's getting the rug pulled out from underneath him . He's fighting and clawing to build the type of life he wants . Bro , when I tell you , I show up every single week for this client , every single week for this client , man like I , brick by brick , man , that's , that's the type of therapy I'm trying to . But , man , that's the type of therapy that I get . I get , I'm . I'm fitting to run through this wall . Jt , I'm fitting to run through this wall man , just for the listener's sake , there's no walls in his , he's just outside .
Speaker 2yeah , yeah , I'm outside , yeah , we outside you're anyway . Uh , yeah , nah , man Like those types of clients , man , I'm like , yeah , I see that I see it ?
Speaker 1Yeah , I see it .
Speaker 2Yeah , and I would say other clients who I don't see that in . I'm not going to lie man , I'm in session like you , and I both know that you're not really going to do anything to like change your circumstances , that you're not going to do anything to change your circumstances . We've whittled down to the central tenets of your life . We found out what it is and you're not willing , to be uncomfortable , to do anything about it .
Speaker 1I'm not saying that's bad .
Speaker 2I'm not saying that you're a horrible person , it's just at this time , right now the cost of changing is too steep , it's too steep . It's too steep , it's too steep . The benefits from staying the same is too rich . Oh , it's too rich , man , you get so much from it .
Speaker 1You may not recognize it that way , but that's .
Speaker 2Yeah , man , yeah , so who am I to force you to change if it's going to cause so much pain ? Exactly , you got to respect that , got to respect . Anyway , let's do some checkouts , man . We already been going on way too long , bro . What you got coming up through the pipeline , man , what you got .
Speaker 1We got a keynote speech . Man Got the keynote speech for the Louisiana Counseling Association .
Speaker 2Was it October 15th ? I don't know what time that is , man , I know it was early in the morning . They haven't given us a time yet .
Speaker 1Oh , maybe they did , maybe nine something yeah .
Speaker 2You can go on the LCA website and you can check out when all the keynote speakers are speaking . There's a couple of keynotes every , every . I think there's one keynote every day .
Speaker 1We're the last one .
Speaker 2Yeah , or we're the Tuesday keynote Tuesday , oh so cool yeah yeah , yeah . So hey , man , if you're in the Lake Charles area on October 15th , come check us out . We're going to be out there having a lot of fun .
Speaker 2Yeah , and I think we'll be doing a book signing afterwards as well . Yeah , lot of fun . Yeah , I think I think we'll be doing a book signing afterwards as well . Yeah , I'm doing a book signing afterwards too . So , yeah , man , that's some fun , we don't ? We have an article in the pipeline too . Yeah , man , hopefully we'll hear back from that soon , man , to update y'all on that publication . Been trying to get that thing published for a couple years now . Yeah , that and uh , we got uh , some books , some books coming out book proposals .
Speaker 2We're waiting to hear back from the publishers .
Speaker 1Yeah , but I'm tired , boss . Did you see that they ?
Speaker 2wanted us to go that direction with the master students , like , instead of it being- . Oh , she emailed us back .
Speaker 1Yeah , a while ago though .
Speaker 2Oh no , no , no , I emailed her . I emailed her and , yeah , we talk . Wait , you don't be checking the emails . I don't I see whatever crumbs you allow me to see , randomly , you'll get up there and you don't leave things read or unread , you just be . You probably didn't even put it in a folder . Y'all see how he talking to me y'all . Y'all see how abusive he is . He gets real controlling when it comes to his inbox . I just don't understand how you do this , man . I don't get it because an email comes in .
Speaker 2Witness the abuse . An email comes in . Witness the abuse . He has his hand up right now . I'm trying to get him fired . Y'all you know what . We don't even have time for this , that's how he is with his supervisees too .
Speaker 2Your supervisee . He is sound off , he abusive , he beat us . Just very simply , you know , Just very simply , hey GS , you read an email , put it in a folder and tell me about it , so we don't just have loose emails just floating around the inbox . Hey man , I don't like the way you said loose , like that you just be letting them fly . I'd be looking in the email inbox . It's like are these answered or not answered ? Have they been ? You know been ? You know my bad JT ? I will try my hardest to make sure that you are aware of my whereabouts in our inbox . I will do better . Nah , you know what ? You know what ? Jt ? That's it . That's it . You only got viewing privileges right now . That's it for a month . You see how controlling he is ? True , that's it for a month . You see how controlling he is , that's it for a month .
Speaker 1He couldn't wait to control it . I'm done .
Speaker 2I'm finished .
Speaker 1I'm finished , I'm done . I can't take it anymore . That's it .
Speaker 2He's throwing stuff y'all . He just took a swing at the dog . I know it's a rescue dog . He just took a swing at the dog man . Hey , gotta report him to the people Nah , man Nah Nah yeah . All right , we gotta go . We really gotta go . Man , we can't promise we're gonna have this thing out , uh , you know , uh anytime soon , and we don't know when . We gonna cast again y'all y'all know our heart .
Speaker 2I've been trying to get some consistency in our casting man , but every time I talk to you no , I gotta do the thing at the thing and all you hear is are you golfing right now ? No , no , no , no . Why would you think that ? No , daddy got to keep that single digit handicap .
Speaker 1And then you hear cart path , Cart path . Yeah .
Speaker 2Is that the golf cart ? No , no , anyway , man , alright , we'll see y'all , talk to y'all , hear from y'all at some point . You got any final words you want to add . We appreciate the love and the flexibility cause you know , sometimes it be like that . That's how we are . It's not going to come out weekly . This is not what we have in our lives . Yeah , we're going to try to make it come out . We're going to try to make it . Just know that it's Jude , it is me . It is me because you are pressed for time .
Speaker 2I'm a busy boy . Busy boy got a lot of stuff you got to do man A lot of folks need your attention . Man , I have a schedule , schedule , a schedule . My schedule is packed . Yep , yep ,
Teacher's Insincere Confession
Speaker 2yep . It's all written in crayon , but for real it's because I care about my students and I meet with them . Oh , yeah , okay , wow , okay , I'm cutting that out . Yeah , cutting that out . I just want my students to know from the bottom of my heart .
Speaker 2No , as a matter of fact , you know , just to the listeners , I'm meeting with your students now , Jesus .
Speaker 1That's how bad it is , yeah .
Speaker 2Yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah . I like to . I like to get them good and corrupted before they get out there . It's not bad , it is yeah .
Speaker 1Good and corrupted .
Speaker 2Yeah , anyway , from the bottom of my heart , I can care less about my students . If y'all are listening , uh , yeah , they feel guys are the . Yeah , the furthest thing . I'm only here for the money . This is it , anyway , we got to go bro .
Speaker 1We'll see y'all later , thank you .
