In part 2 of our discussion, we dive into the importance of empathy, respect, and understanding for individuals who are facing physical difficulties. Meredith shares profound insights on being respectful and considerate towards those who are newly handicapped, and how we can support them in their journey. Ultimately, this episode is a heartening exploration of perseverance, resilience, and the power of human adaptability. This part is intense, promising to leave you with an enlightened perspective on life, adversity, and resilience.
In part 2 of our discussion, we dive into the importance of empathy, respect, and understanding for individuals who are facing physical difficulties. Meredith shares profound insights on being respectful and considerate towards those who are newly handicapped, and how we can support them in their journey. Ultimately, this episode is a heartening exploration of perseverance, resilience, and the power of human adaptability. This part is intense, promising to leave you with an enlightened perspective on life, adversity, and resilience.
Dealing with it was the hardest thing. They sent pastors in to me. They sent other people that were hurt in a totally different way. They just sent people in in wheelchairs. My acceptance was not there at all, but the anger was. I was very, very mad. I didn't understand. It wasn't supposed to happen to me, but if I were back there again I would have talked more. I went and saw a therapist. My mom wanted me to go see one because she thought that I was depressed. All it did was make me mad, Because the therapist would just sit there and ask me how are you feeling? Let's talk about all this stuff. Well, we would talk about it and I was like this is it, this is what I'm living.
Speaker 2:You know, you know, you know someone, a nurse. When things went down for me, they took me to get evaluated just to check. And the nurse said have you ever thought about suicide? And I said let's see here. My wife suffered from major, intense cancer for five years. I broke my hips, sat in a wheelchair, had to give up my business, had to rebuild my legs. I made a bad decision on you know, just wasn't thinking straight. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I've thought about it, and of course I have, but I would never do that.
Speaker 1:I see I would never do it either.
Speaker 2:And it's like I mean, if you go through hard, hard enough things, you're going to come to a point in the road and it says give up, which is that, or keep going down this way Pick yourself up and go. But it's. That is the choice, and that's the choice that I continue to have to make every day. I'm sure you do too.
Speaker 1:I do, and see you, you have Lila, yeah, and you have a reason, a major reason, to live for her you know, and I know that you think about that every day, but, being a young person, that that is just completely not, that it's I'm not saying anything different but all those things that were just stripped away from me, I there were point. There were nights when I would cry myself to sleep, wishing that I had died in that car wreck.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because I literally didn't. I didn't know how, I could not physically move my legs, I did not know how to pick myself up off the ground.
Speaker 2:Yet it's a whole new, I mean.
Speaker 1:But I never would commit suicide. I didn't even know what that meant because my, my, my upbringing was so wonderful. We were just taught to be super tough people, so I didn't know what that meant. But later in life I never had any suicidal thoughts but I did have, you know, when I wasn't dating and I and I thought I should be, and all my friends were getting married and all that stuff was happening for all these other people I did have. These thoughts were like God, is this it Like? Are people really this shallow that they just I'm really nice, I'm even funny sometimes. They don't want, you know, want anything to do with me. I'm a hard worker, you know. I had some pretty bad thoughts that where I was just like dang, I just want to stop you know, I just like there's not.
Speaker 1:there's not a reason to open the door anymore. Why am I even putting makeup on? You know what am I doing? But I had to go through all that to get to where I am now, and now I'm like I want to live, to be 117. You know like I got to do this.
Speaker 1:I want to see everything you know, West, like just being with him every day and in this and being creative in this restaurant and just getting to do it every day. I know that he kept me here for a reason this whole 26 years and has brought me through all of those very, very, very hard, tough things that a lot of people couldn't go through. They would, they would commit suicide, they would put a bullet in their head. I've heard of people doing it. They're like no, I'm not, I can't walk anymore, I'd, I'd I'd now being going through all of those things and overcoming them step by step, even though it took forever. Now I know why.
Speaker 2:You know that's why those things happened. That nurse looked, looked at my dad, was with me and and it was. That's a good thing. You know you need to. You need to be a value. You need to make sure that you're thinking straight. There's a lot of people that one thing I've learned through stuff is just the the not so just not right things. I was thinking, I was thinking I was had distorted views on things and and it just being able to get in and get help and say, figure out how to make this thing work again. And then it's just like your legs. It's like all of a sudden one day you're like ding, ding ding ding friend, like ding ding, this guy did this for you.
Speaker 2:How did I forget that? Yeah, this guy did this for you.
Speaker 1:And then at the same time, you've got life still happening all around you. You've got everything. You've got family stuff, you've got friends stuff, you've got business stuff. So while you're going through all this and you're having all these these thoughts and you're trying to deal with you, you got everything else that you got to deal with too, and it gets hard.
Speaker 2:It gets hard now, yeah.
Speaker 1:Like today, october 2nd, things get hard you know that I'm thinking about. You know, with employees and everything, and if I have a bad day, if I've had spasms all night where I didn't sleep but I still got to be here, it's just one of those things. You just, you just push.
Speaker 2:I had that this weekend and, and, and I couldn't sleep. I it just people don't understand that this pain, this type of pain, when it goes to the bone, you don't sleep. If, if, if it's hurt, you don't sleep. There's nothing you can take.
Speaker 1:You got to lay it, you got to push through it. A leave doesn't work and you just and those nights.
Speaker 2:I've just finally realized I'm like it's that night, it's one of those nights, so I'm just going to embrace it and say that I'm not going, I'm going to get to sleep when my body says I'm, they're comfortable, and after a few hours my legs start relaxing a little bit more and then I get that sleep. So when, when, when I've learned is when on those days is be okay calling in, be okay, like getting that extra sleep, and then Cause you have to take care of yourself. Yeah, you do.
Speaker 1:And that's really, really hard for me to understand, cause people tell me all the time, cause I don't call in, like if nobody's here, I have to be here, you know that's just people will call in for just the craziest reasons.
Speaker 2:We can do the crazy thing about our minds. Our mindset and what we've been through is we can do things that are we can go as long as we have to go until our body breaks down.
Speaker 1:You know how many times I've said that to myself sitting on the porch. After I pull up in my driveway at 10 30 at night after a smoking busy Friday or Saturday, saturday I get home and sit down and I'm like I absolutely cannot believe that. I just did that this week. You know Cause I'm like, and then I might sleep until two o'clock on Sunday because I'm that tired, you know, and then I'm like I can't believe that I physically did that. And then I got down on the ground tonight and cleaned the pizza prep out. I can't believe I could even stand back up, cause there's some nights when I get out of my car at home and I can't hardly walk cause it's that intense in the restaurant business, but I did it.
Speaker 1:I did it like.
Speaker 2:And now that you've, now that you get some of those wins and you see those things, you're like. That's why, you know, last week I was talking about how we I saw the confidence of what you were saying, and that confidence was is that nobody can do what I can do. And once you've, because you've experienced those little bit of wind and you're like there's 10, 30 at nights and you're like, oh my gosh, Like. But we have to learn to control it too. Yeah, you know, we got to learn to be able to say Well, that's what you were saying.
Speaker 1:And be okay with yes.
Speaker 2:And that's what Wes does for you, yeah absolutely.
Speaker 1:And he does it in a heartbeat and I was telling him this this morning, comparing him to my twin brother. He and my brother can like if somebody is, is talking to him or being a certain way that they don't want them to be, they'll just be like, hey, that's enough. I've heard all I can say Like Wes can do it. I'm like I have to be at the restaurant and I have to like nobody can cook the special and nobody can do this. He's like you're not going to work today. It's okay that we're not having gumbo today. You got to sit down.
Speaker 1:You know, you got to, and he just makes me, you gotta find.
Speaker 2:You gotta find, you gotta be at a sacrifice and some things and not. You got to be able to shift. Yeah, you got to be able to like, really, and I think that everybody should be able to do that, Don't you know? If the Lord's calling you to do something, you better realize that he's calling you, but he's just calling you to make that first step and then he's going to direct your path and that's going to shift. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1:And so I'm one of those people that I kind of take on. I do and Wes will tell you this, I take on way too much. I put a lot of pressure on myself on my shoulders Cause I think that I'm like I can do it, I can do it, and then I'm like you know, you can hurt yourself, you can put too much on yourself where it's mentally and physically draining, and then you do lose sight of where you are that day.
Speaker 1:You're like wait, and then then you're just clouded. You're like all right, I don't know how to step out, which way, you know, and what's the way I told you that's too much you can do that by yourself.
Speaker 2:Back in back in these November of 2020, I had this ringing in my ears went to see a specialist and he said you know, it's like a 50 50 chance it could be a tumor up there. I'm like, why would you, why would you even tell somebody? I mean, I hear you. But they sent me in for a CAT scan and I remember getting in that and laying down and that loud noise and I'm like this is my life. I mean this is this. Is it Like this is? And I had already accepted the fact that I had a tumor. I'd already accepted the fact that this, because of five years of it all going south, and I had to learn in that treatment deal that I don't need a fortune tell the. You know it's like fortune telling you don't. You don't know the future, you don't know what this scan speaks into, you don't know that guy doesn't actually like you. Quit mind reading him.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And and realize that it's okay to just allow life to happen and even the the hard scans and stuff you don't have an, if you don't have enough information, don't allow yourself to be emotional about it.
Speaker 2:In my opinion, that's what we always used to say we said if it's, if we, if we get the data, if they give us what that scan shows, we'll give ourself time to emotionally accept that deal with that. But then we got to pick ourself up, tomorrow or two days later, not only for us but for for our, for our, for our little girl, our family and our community that need to see that we are not fixing to give this up. We're not, we're not going to lay lay over.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, there's another thing that I've had to allow myself to do, and is that allow this place to run without me here, like there's been Wes and I our first Christmas together. I broke my leg. Christmas Eve like literally turned around to the tree, picked up his boots. I wanted him to open his boots. Christmas Eve, turned around, caught the lip of the big area rug and just twisted up in my feet and fell and broke my leg, just snapped it right there and he was like, oh my gosh. And I was. It was very painful and I was trying to climb up under the couch. It hurt so bad. And he was like are you okay? I was like, nope, I just broke my leg. And he was like are you serious?
Speaker 2:And I was super calm. When was?
Speaker 1:that Christmas, so Christmas 2016.
Speaker 2:Wow, maybe and you just like.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, I knew it, Cause my foot was like out like this, and half the time I think my braces will protect them if I fall, cause they do a lot. But they didn't this time. And he said are you serious? I was like, yep, it's broken, absolutely broken. So we head to the hospital Christmas Eve night. They wrapped, they did x-rays and all that stuff. Yes, it's broken. They wrap it up. Good, I had to be back. I had Christmas Eve night. We went to the hospital, came home, I had surgery New Year's Eve. So we spent New Year's Eve in the hospital and you know what I? It destroys me when stuff like that happens, cause I'm down. I mean, I was in my wheelchair until I healed. I actually met all of his family in my wheelchair.
Speaker 1:We went to. We had to go to Christmas in a wheelchair and then I mean I just couldn't walk. He had to, he had to run the restaurant.
Speaker 2:He had to take care of everything.
Speaker 1:You know he had the people here had to and I've had, I've had a couple of surgeries, personal surgeries, since we've been open and, you know, wanted to come back too quick, you know, and I couldn't, but these people here it ran, you know, they made it happen. Like I have to sometimes I just have to sit back and be like, all right, you've trained them, they know what they're doing. You know, maybe God's telling you to slow down, maybe you need to sit down for a second you know Cause you have to.
Speaker 2:There is no doubt you don't have a choice.
Speaker 2:There is no doubt in my mind now that I got my mind coming back a little bit that that the biggest best thing you can do is take is slow down, take a step back, and not necessarily like what I, the way I see it is, I was telling, telling Bill Caldwell, his elder guy friend of mine, that he I told him, you know he was kind of sharing the you know some biblical stuff and I said, man, for the first time I feel like I can see, I can sit back like a quarterback sees the field Right and and I can literally just wait until I see the play that I want to play, that I know that I can go win on, and and I think that that that is going back to like what Wes, like you were talking about with Wes is Lord, if this isn't for what you're supposed to do, let it, let that there is. There is very much power and discipline of taking a step back, slow down, relax, just to be able to be ready to to do it, you know.
Speaker 2:I think that where I, where I messed up was where my mind started going past me and I started losing. And I didn't lose my mind completely at all, I just I was full of anxiety I was having. I didn't even know I was having a. I had. I had been having a panic attack every morning for five, six years, with the same pain that I thought was just oh well, this is part of this, whatever, and and it was just. They got it off in like two weeks, no-transcript, two weeks that I had been holding and I didn't even know what it was. So it's like it's crazy.
Speaker 1:I feel like you, though you you kind of sound like you. You just weren't ready for any doors to close, and I think that in the human mind Nobody is. But sometimes that door's got a close and it's got to stay shut and there's just yeah, it's not gonna open back up. And when you accept that, you know that's what I tell some of the young girls here that are dating. You know they, they, they get so heartbroken.
Speaker 1:They're 19, you know and they were 18 or 17 when they started and they get so heartbroken over this, this one relationship, and I'm like, listen to me, you're, y'all are doing such a great job here and you're making a lot of money. I said focus on that and focus on school. You're in college, focus on that. Don't focus on, don't try to be getting married and stuff. You know it's not. You're gonna meet so many people in your life. You're gonna don't don't let the plate.
Speaker 2:Let the plate and have fun come out.
Speaker 1:Have a good time you know, learn you, learn to respect you, learn what you love, what you like, because until you can do that for you which is what I had to learn, of course the hard way was I had to be okay with all this. I had to be okay with my injury, I had to learn to accept it, but all my own terms, in my own way, before I could really love myself and be okay with my Entire entirety everything that was going on.
Speaker 1:That's where I messed up before somebody else could love me. You know, Because if I I messed up if I kept pointing at myself and looking at myself saying you have this problem, then they're obviously gonna see it, you know. So until you're like, you can walk out the door in the morning and be like this is gonna be a great day, I'm gonna rock it, here we go and look past all that other stuff and let those doors close.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's. There is absolutely no doubt that that what now that we're talking here, that I, what I experienced was I had not accepted the fact that Life was different and and I needed to be able to not push myself in that area that it's okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, meaning that I went put on. You know, I went worked out and I worked my tail off and like that's that, when I needed 15 pounds, I get 15 pounds and I built all these muscles and I did and I thought that I was Helping my body. And then now I'm realizing that, no, it's okay if I, you know, if I'm not the most In shape person, it's okay.
Speaker 2:It is, but because, because, because I feel better and I'm, and I've got a buddy that's gonna do one of these and he's, he's, he's, we work out together and we're in the pool and All these older ladies are in the pool and I and he was like it's crazy, you know. I said, dude, think about this. You are 40 years old or 44 years old, whatever it is. You're in the pool with older ladies that have finally figured out that the pool is Is a great place to work out. You know, and, and I said, if you will realize that you are light years ahead of your Of what other people are experiencing right now, that will Help you accept it. You know, that will help me exit.
Speaker 2:You know, like you said, if I would have just if I wouldn't I could not have been ready for a relationship until I said, accepted the fact that my body was not gonna be to do what it did Before. Now. Can I go make that happen? Like you said? Yes, we can go. Well, I can go walk the woods. I can go walk it and work harder anybody you know your limits.
Speaker 2:But now I know my limits and I'm actually seeing that it's time to for me to enjoy life, and and, and, and the pain you know. But one thing people don't realize that that pain will affect your mental.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I mean it's.
Speaker 2:It affects you mentally. Yeah and so it wears you down mentally because there's actual, real pain. So if I, I've got to find ways to get myself out of painful situations, so this year, this I don't know what this is gonna end up being but I'm having to find another way to make a living, and I'm not doing this for a living, but I'm just saying what I've got to Adapt yeah, well, I'm gonna have to do the same thing.
Speaker 1:I mean I can't, I'm not gonna be able to do. You know the hard kitchen work forever, you know. But I do hope to do it for 25 more years. You got it.
Speaker 2:What I mean? 25 more years. I mean that's, that's, that's like you're like well then, and then we'll do that. I'm like that's, that's what people just think of, what they do now, and you're just thinking your, your mind is like well this is what I want.
Speaker 1:I mean I want, I want this, but I want a food truck too. I want to. I mean I want. I told West I said I need to go get a job on Sundays and Mondays, just because everything's getting so high and insurance is going up and everything's. You know, salaries aren't, but everything else is skyrocketing. The housing market, all that stuff is just crazy. I'm like, so we've got to work, we've got to work and and I'm ready. You know, I don't know, but I am gonna do this for 25 more years and and maybe 30, I don't know. But then what if I can buy a food truck and then we can just go find festivals and and retire.
Speaker 2:Just work on the weekend, retire that way or yeah, like work on once a month or whatever.
Speaker 1:I was gonna tell you about our pool. I put a pool in at my house in 2000. That matter uh, nine, probably because it's what I can do. You know, when I work out it's not fun. It's not fun to ride the bike, it's not fun to get on weights. I can't do it.
Speaker 2:Have you ever done the bike in the pool? No, oh my word. Well, I can't stay.
Speaker 1:I can't. My legs won't stay on it like they'd have to be strapped to it, if that makes sense. Okay yeah, to ride a bike I have to have a. I have to get it to where I can get my feet in there, good, or strap them in like literally with like duct tape, anyway, but the pool is the best place for me. I can do that. I can swim like a fish, I mean, I learned you know I could swim across Lake ruin if I wanted to.
Speaker 1:You know it's. I love the water always have. So the pool is my place and it's an awesome place to work out and you can do anything in it.
Speaker 2:I can, I can do abs Everything. Yes, I mean it's awesome and it. You know it's and I have less injuries from it.
Speaker 1:You know well it lets you move around without the weight of your body, you know the being on the outside the gym is like it was just beating my knees up.
Speaker 2:It was, it was just, and I think that with the water just creates just such a good balance, yeah, of Of a workout. So, yeah, well, that's cool, all right. So what about Going back to the kids? Like teenagers, high school kids, what can they do if they see somebody that this happens to in their community? What would you, what, what? How do you say? What do you say? Hey, just go go pick them up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely Like where you want to go. You want to go eat pizza, you want to?
Speaker 2:go to the movies, I don't care. Okay, well, they will just. We'll just do this and then learn.
Speaker 1:Learn, you know, like if the person that is Not in the wheelchair or not injured or whatever you know, just ask some a couple of quick questions and be like all right, I don't want to do too much, but you tell me what you need help with and I'll be glad to help you. I don't know anything about this.
Speaker 2:You know, yeah, let's, let's teach this, let's do it, teach me, teach me what to say and you know what not to say, and then, literally, let's roll out, and then I think, that's everything that we deal with.
Speaker 2:That is important because I Told Lila this weekend, like a Friday night, you know, we've got this little thing where we kind of go out to eat and kind of Chop a little bit, and Saturday morning she likes to, you know, get a little coffee, you know whatever it is. And at the end I asked her Yesterday I said you know, what would you? You know, what do you like about it? And she said, you know, she just said just just you, you know. And I was like listen to me.
Speaker 2:What you need to learn right now is that my focus on you. If, if these kids or boys or whoever you end up having a boyfriend or whatever I said, if their focus is on their crowd, if their focus is on their friends, why they're trying to act like they got you, they're not focused on you. And so you've got to make sure that, whoever you end up with, they're focused on you. They don't care about what, what, the way they act around other people, you. If they're not focused on just you, you don't you, they're a waste of time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and learn about you. You know, being in the wheelchair like I had to, I had to learn how to pop wheelies. You know I couldn't if there's not a ramp, there's not a ramp, you got to get up a curb.
Speaker 1:You got to get in a door, whatever. You know, and I like he's so good about that, like he knows, like the first thing he's gonna see is a curb, you know he's. He's gonna say watch your step, hey, we got this coming up, whatever. If I'm not looking, you know, or we're not gonna go this way because that's a major incline, or whatever, you know he is focused on me. So so people that are that if an injured person is going through this and you want to be friends with them, you do. You got to focus on stuff like that. You got to be like all right, we need to go park somewhere closer because it's going to be easy, easier for Meredith to maneuver over here or whatever. So the focus is very important when, when you're trying to be, you know friends with somebody that you're not knowledgeable about their situation.
Speaker 2:Yes, so, um, you would love this thing. We're, we're. Uh, obviously, when I had my accident, my family and friends had to come around and do everything Right. They had to reset up the house, they had to take trim down.
Speaker 1:How'd that make you feel? Oh my gosh, I mean it's wonderful, but helpless.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the first day that I, the first day that I get in my, in my and I'm sitting in my bed in the living room and everybody's around me I had a complete panic attack and I was like y'all need to get out of this house. Everyone, everyone, get out of this house, except my wife and my kids and my kid, and and and. They didn't hear me and I just. They heard me the second time and so I think that I loved it.
Speaker 2:I would appreciate it, but but when you, when someone comes home and they're handicapped, you need to get out of the way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, their world's turned upside down.
Speaker 2:You need to allow them to process you need to get away and, and, and, and, and and. Give them some space. You can do some things quietly, try to get out of those, the rooms and the and the surrounding rooms. They're around, but then there there'll be time. But. But now what I love is is being able to know those things and say these, like I have a friend that just got in a wheelchair like this last week and we went out and, and and and.
Speaker 2:Some some construction guys put in the wheelchair, I mean, and put in the ramps and they've gotten good at it. They know they and a lot of it could be from when they helped me at my house. But now we realize this is just an opportunity to have the experience to be able to go and help people that are going through this for the first time and be able to know that. You know, it was crazy. Like my father, like the person that was with me, um, I, I, I, I got. I asked him to get out of the wheelchair. You know I said can you sit in the chair, can you sit in this chair for just a minute? And and been able to get in that chair and being able to wheel through and know exactly what I'm looking for and the obstacles I need to be dealing with. It was just such a amazing feeling to know that I have now got this thing I can give back to people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I know about it. I know what they need.
Speaker 2:I know the, the with the hurdle they're fixing to jump through and I can make it manageable for that person and what I'm, what I think that people need to hear, and if they hear nothing else, this right here. You are not helping, just helping them. You are learning. You are learning how these things can help you. You need to go sit in a wheelchair, for you want to, you want to, you want to be tough. Go sit in a wheelchair for three months.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and do everything, do everything. Yeah, and I told you about that.
Speaker 2:And and take that wheelchair with you, even if you're not handicapped. Why would you do that? Because I don't. I don't say you should do it. I'm just saying if you want to mentally be the best you can be, you're going to have to practice these things. You're going to have to practice loving on your daughter. You're going to have to practice her loving on you. You're going to have to practice all these things. But when we do it, not only are we helping people, but we are setting ourselves up to if that ever happens. We have now increased our ability to give more Absolutely.
Speaker 1:West, for example, as my husband you know what he's been through with me he'll get so frustrated sometimes with people that are just just griping about. You know just something that is so trivial.
Speaker 1:You know and he's thinking he'll say it to me.
Speaker 1:You know, we call it porch talk. He's like this stays, this stays on the porch and I'm like, yes, I got you. I'm not going to tell anybody, you know he'll say you know, I just want to look at him and say my wife like sometimes doesn't want to get out of bed because she's in so much pain with her spasms, but she goes to work anyway. He's like I just want to scream at him and be like I'm not listening to you, I don't even want to listen, I don't want to be around you right now because it's he's been with me, you know, up for a long time and and he's seen the stuff that I've gone through. So now he's just developed this, not that he wasn't appreciative before, but this new appreciation for hurt, for people being hurt and and and helping people and thinking about what can I do wherever we're going to make you know this easier for Meredith, you know, then he just you just put in your helping overdrive into overdrive or whatever, and you see all those things now.
Speaker 2:One of the best, one of the things that I love that I work on. I get in the cold plunge. It helps me, it helps my joints, helps everything.
Speaker 1:I've heard about those. Oh my gosh, you, you've never, oh my gosh, you would. Was it with ice, or is it just cold water? Yes, it's ice water, you know.
Speaker 2:So so the thing about it is, you go down in it and you feel it on your, on your, on you and on your skin. You're like, oh my gosh, this is the, this is the most painful thing right now. And then you, you, what I do is I just go right into my neck, and when you do that, you're going to immediately feel how, how small of a detail the, the pain on those on that skin is because of what's going on inside as far as trying to breathe, trying to control your breathing, and and and.
Speaker 2:when you really get to where you can control your breathing, you're like oh, my word, like what's inside of me. What I can do inside has nothing, no comparison of what is happening. The pain and I think that's what we we both can agree on is that the trauma, the amount of pain that we've experienced, means that pain ain't that big of a deal?
Speaker 1:It's not, and then you don't. You don't ever realize what you can do and what, what you can overcome and what, or how bad something hurts, until you've just I don't know been through some of the stuff that that you and I have. It's like pain is I burn myself in the kitchen, I go straight over to the sink and I put it under scalding hot water and it it takes the burnout and people are like you're crazy. I'm like. It works, it's. It's just a little bit of pain for a little while and then it's gone.
Speaker 2:You know you love some of these people that I've gotten to know. It's, it's. I don't, I don't. You know I don't take it, I'm different now.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm. I hang out with different people. The people that I hang out with are very tough people. They've been through tough things. They are very strong and and it's like we get together and it's just like it's such a cool feeling to be like man, I know what you got and I know what I got, and it's not, it's like it works, it works.
Speaker 1:I, I'm a totally different person and I love it. I love. I can't stand being around some people when they're so weak. It just oh, I just want to. I literally want to grab them and shake them by both shoulders and just be like all right, you have a problem, stop it.
Speaker 2:You know, fix it right now, right now. This is ridiculous.
Speaker 1:I don't even want to talk to you in this conversation. This is ridiculous. This is beneath me because it's so stupid how weak you are.
Speaker 2:But it's so true, it's, it's, it's, but it's this, it's this. This is how I'm, this is how I'm wired. Is that, if I know I messed up on something, I know I'm messing up here over there and I know I tell myself, okay, you need to fix that, I gotta go fix it, right then?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, there's things in my life I don't do that, but that's the battle, that's the things I face. But if people you've got, if you've got negative thoughts, you better get on top of that right, right, right now.
Speaker 1:Immediately.
Speaker 2:And because you know people don't really know this and you know it now. But if I get around negative stuff, I just shift, I just fade and I just and it's no nothing against anyone, it's just.
Speaker 1:I'm not gonna be around it. I walk away from it me either.
Speaker 2:I'm just not gonna be around it and it's because it's just so like why? Why can't you be around it? Well, because of the awesome things that I've been through, because I choose not to. I choose not to.
Speaker 1:So Wes and I are so good at that in marriage Like we. Just when things happen, of course spouses are gonna argue it's inevitable. Everybody's like we have a perfect marriage. We never fight. I'm like whatever it's not, it's not a good marriage. Then If you don't, that's right.
Speaker 2:You know you can't. No, you doubt.
Speaker 1:Anyway, here are the frustrations If we got, you know, 10 people that requested all for, and then they're throwing in some funerals and they're family and they gotta go or throw in a sick baby and we just got staffing issues and then there's nothing, it's all going wrong and both of our frustrations are just, you know, and then throw in stuff from our family and we'll just, you know, everybody snaps. You know, I don't, I've done it, he's done it, but we fixed it right away. I'm like okay.
Speaker 2:Don't.
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm sorry Listen my frustrations are up here. I know yours are too. I love you, I love you, I love you. I'm so sorry I shouldn't have said it like that. You know we do the same thing at home. I do the same thing here. If somebody snaps on me up here because I'm like runner or just screaming, I'm like y'all are being super lazy today, I need y'all to pick it up. You know they'll get mad and I'll come back up here and I'll be like listen, I don't take it personal. It's business. Please don't take it personal. But you gotta see where I'm coming from. I can't do all this stuff by myself you know, but I fix it right away.
Speaker 1:I'm like didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but let's go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and that's I'm. That way you can words don't hurt. I mean don't hurt. You know it hurts to do.
Speaker 1:Johnson. Drew made a bad grade the other day. This has just been, I think it was Wednesday, I don't know what day it was but his dad was picking him up out here in the back getting his football stuff and he told me about the grade at the truck and I said, Johnson, we don't make grades like that. You've never made a grade like that ever in your entire life. Why? And he was like why, didn't know we had the test. I said, well, that's irresponsible.
Speaker 1:I said you didn't study for it. No man, I didn't know I had it and I said well that's very irresponsible.
Speaker 2:And you don't baby him, do you? No? And I make him do this.
Speaker 1:Right. I said, well, there'll be no games this weekend. We'll have plenty for you to do in the yard. We're getting ready for deer season, getting all our stands ready. There's plenty for you to do. And he starts crying, goes and gets in the truck and starts crying. So I'll go over there and I was like stop it. I stop crying right now, turn the tears off. That is ridiculous. You did this to yourself. It's your fault, it's your fault, you didn't study.
Speaker 1:It's your fault that you were irresponsible and didn't write down that you had a test, or just forgot, or whatever. I don't want to hear it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, me telling you this doesn't mean I don't love you.
Speaker 1:I know.
Speaker 2:This means that that's your thing to fix. It's not my job to help you study, right, I mean, if you need help, and that's what I've done with Lila, I said, I told myself early on. I said one I can't do it, I can't do all these things, I can't lay out the, I can barely get laundry done, I can barely do, barely function. And that was great, that was awesome. That was a great season of barely functioning because Lila learned how to Do it. Do it, yes, and so I mean these.
Speaker 1:I think that parenting is very few and far between now, and I've learned that in the restaurant business, because sometimes I feel like I'm re-raising children.
Speaker 2:What do you think that? What's wrong?
Speaker 1:I don't think that parents are making their sons man up. I don't think that they're making their daughters you know make decisions. I think that they're doing it all for them. I think that they're folding the clothes when the kids should be. I had a list.
Speaker 2:every summer I could cook spaghetti for my family of five when I was 11 years old, I mean when the kids were 11 years old they were running, they were part of the front and on the frontier.
Speaker 1:they were running, they were doing major roles. Both my parents worked, yeah. And to me it's like I mean when Johnson's like I can't find socks, I'm like, okay, then don't wear any If you can't go find a pair of socks. I'm not getting up to find a pair of socks. Like, learn to be a man or don't. And he is. Wes has got him on the four wheeler filling up feeders with corn and stuff. We are Jack can drive the tractor, Jack's 17. But you ought to be a man, Look y'all listen now.
Speaker 2:Y'all listen now. That does not mean you don't love your children.
Speaker 1:No, it doesn't.
Speaker 2:If you let them fail. This is the time. Now is the time when they're 10, 11, 12, these are the days to let them fail. They learn from their mistake, they get better, and when they're 18, they're trained. They're trained. I agree with you. To be adults, I think that I mean look.
Speaker 1:You're gonna respect you for it.
Speaker 2:There's just not enough tough men around here anymore.
Speaker 1:It's not, I know.
Speaker 2:And I'm not y'all, please don't, let's not pick any fights, it's just hey y'all, y'all realize what we're doing here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I worry. I do worry about my own children sometimes. You know, wes and I had a tractor day. We didn't have the kids last weekend or I don't know, but we had a tractor day. Well, we were going down to my stand and when we get on the road there's this huge tree. He's on the tractor, I'm in our buggy with the dogs, there's a huge tree across the road and I'm like whoa, I mean Wes is all man, so he just he's like I gotta go run back to the house and get the chains all. And in that moment I was like you know what, like I married a real man you know, so he got off the tractor, got in the buggy with me.
Speaker 1:We went back to the house. He got the chains all. Well, not only did he get the chains all, but he got gas for it, he got the bar oil or whatever all that stuff you have to have. He had all this stuff because he's been taught to do that. And then he cut the tree down, we plowed through it and then we bush hog. Then he taught me how to bush hog and it was awesome. And I was like, okay, this is a real man. And in my mind I was like I got it. Johnson, drew's got to be able to do this. He's got to be able to- Lila does too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he wasn't impressing me or trying to impress me, that's what he knew how to do. But I was impressed. I said Johnson Drew's got thinking in my mind for his future wife, for his future children. He's got to be able to present that one day and his wife will.
Speaker 2:Can even be like damn, I married a man you know, I don't have to worry about this stuff. You know, one thing I've really been convicted about is I don't. I think that I think we give our youth the leftovers. I think that I think that we don't invest in them and we don't help them build when they're young.
Speaker 1:Cause. How else are they supposed to know if we don't?
Speaker 2:I know they've just figured they're not they don't figure it. They fail 22, 26, 28, 30, and then they always seem to pick up. You're going to pick up the pieces, but, man, man, what we could do to transform our young men if they started eight years old, 10 years old.
Speaker 1:But Carter, it's going to take more than Meredith Carter and Wes Carter and Carter, Miss Gagney.
Speaker 2:It's going to take more than three people. You know people have to get on board. Where are they at?
Speaker 1:I don't know, but I tell Johnson Drew another funny thing about me I'm a refrigerator Nazi. Like my refrigerator is super clean, Both of them. We got an outdoor fridge and an indoor fridge, Both of them are clean. And I tell him and say, listen to me, and you always remember this, cause I tell him every time I clean it. You can tell a lot about a person by how clean their refrigerator is.
Speaker 1:If you open it and it's got food stuck all over it everywhere. I said, johnson, you can't, that's unacceptable. You know, I'm just that way with refrigerators and I believe that and I really want to open my own business cleaning refrigerators on Sunday and Monday 100 bucks, I'll come clean your refrigerator.
Speaker 2:That's a huge and just name it something. That's such a huge thing I deal with. I still deal with that, but now I am starting to I'm finally starting to like realize that less is more and I don't have to feel it up.
Speaker 1:I have to feel the You're gonna throw it away anyway. It's gonna go bad, and I'm not there and I'm also not there.
Speaker 2:I've got relationships that I need to go Y'all, if you're hearing this, we aren't there yet either and so I've got relationships that are damaged, that I need to fix, but guess what? The emotion is still there. The emotion is still there and I'm not gonna go fix that until I can say that I can go give it and say hey, I'm sorry for this. You know, it's okay to take a step back, not fix it right at first.
Speaker 1:And it's okay if those are not fixable too, carter.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:To just let them go. It's okay to let that door close.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Even if it's family.
Speaker 2:And if you don't burn it they'll come back. It comes back Me. You know Blake Thomas he's he was a partner of mine. We had some hard days. He was I mean, he was there during, you know, I was in business partners with him whenever, you know, megan was sick, so I already had that stress, but we didn't burn that bridge, or we didn't completely burn that bridge. You know there was definitely grass around the bridge burning but the bridge didn't burn. And now our relationship is like. If Megan was live today and saw me in Blake's relationship, she'd be like you have got to be kidding me. That is unreal, what y'all. But we've all. We've both been through crazy things Absolutely, and now we're like you good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm good, you good, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:What's up, you know, and it's it's just special. So I appreciate you, you doing this. I think that is, this is gonna, I think this is gonna set the stage.
Speaker 1:Man, I've enjoyed it. I love it, I love it. I love life. I'm excited about life. I'm excited about the future.
Speaker 2:Look, if y'all are, if you, if y'all want to know, if y'all want to get together, if you I don't care who it is, where you are. If y'all want to get together and help us, let's all figure out how to grow more young men, how to grow better young women, how to get to where they're not focused on their physical beauty and realize that the most beautiful things are the ones that have been through those things, and those are the diamonds in the rough. You need to be, you need to be.
Speaker 1:Surrounding yourself with Not only surrounding yourself with.
Speaker 2:You need to realize that that is something that you will be blown away at. How amazing it is.
Speaker 1:The West's oh yeah, for sure, sure, and you For sure, awesome.
Speaker 2:Thank you, you're welcome. All right. Well, I don't know what we have for next week, but we will be back next Friday. See y'all. Y'all have a good weekend, have a good week. Get better each day. I saw something this week that I actually just read the definition of a revival. Revival is improving each day. It's not a some event, it is. Get to work in every weakness in your life and you fix it. You pull weeds, you do those things. So y'all do that, I'm gonna do it, we can all do it together and we'll see y'all next week. See you.