Empowering Moms to Build Digital Products and Embrace Their Own Dreams with Carolyn Gardner

Carolyn Gardner is a solo mom by choice through adoption. She's been parenting her amazing son with chronic medical issues for ten years. Five years ago she left her teaching career to create a life that works better for her and her son. Carolyn is a digital product expert and it’s Carolyn’s passion to support other women - especially special needs moms - who need to create lifestyles that work better for them and their families. Carolyn helps business owners and fellow moms turn their trials into digital products and income streams from their passions to support their families and find empowerment.

Key Topics:
- Carolyn’s transition from teaching to freelancing while caring for her special needs child.
- Emotional resilience, adaptability, and mindset shifts for special needs moms.
- Practical steps to create digital products that are both fulfilling and profitable.
- Encouraging moms to leverage their passions and expertise to support others.
- The importance of community and emotional wellness.

Words of Encouragement:
“Every day is a new day. Don’t let today’s challenges overwhelm you. Remember that there’s a larger community here for support. And tomorrow brings new hope and opportunities—you’re not alone.”

Connect with Carolyn:

Website: Carolyn Gardner Consulting

https://www.instagram.com/carolyngardnerconsulting/, https://www.facebook.com/designinglearningllc/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/carolynagardner/

Download Carolyn’s 5-Step Guide to Starting a Digital Product Income Stream 

https://carolyn-gardner-consulting.ck.page/90eddc789c

Connect with me:

Valerie's Links: https://bit.ly/3RL0da2

Music Acknowledgement: Audio Coffee - Denys Kyshchuk

Editor: Scott Arbeau


Link for book: The S.H.I.N.E. Principle: The special needs mom's path to strength, hope and happiness by Valerie Arbeau

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B0CW18ZXGX   (Canada)

https://a.co/d/03hFdZI4 (United States)

Learn more about your host at:
https://coachingwithvalerieanne.com/

Transcript

Trying to get the word out to, you know, the moms that are at home that might not see themselves as that businesswoman, that they can do something with what they know, because it's very valuable. And there's something empowering about that to.

Carolyn is a solo mom by choice through adoption. She's been parenting her amazing boy with chronic medical issues for 10 years. Five years ago, she left her teaching career to create a life that works better for her and her son. It's been a challenging and incredible adventure. It's Carolyn's passion to support other women, especially special needs moms who need to create lifestyles that work better for them and their families. So welcome, Carolyn. Welcome.

Thank you so much for having me Valerie. I'm so happy to be here.

 
Yes. And I'm grateful that you're here too. So, I always ask my guests the first question, what is a unique thing about you?

Oh, I think, I’m an eternal optimist, you know, to the point of, you know, taking great risks, which I guess we'll talk about a little bit more. But yeah, I think that a lot of people kind of look at me sometimes as not understanding some of the risks that I'd be willing to take, but they've led to amazing opportunities.

Yeah, love that. Love that. All right. So Carolyn, tell us a little bit about your special needs mom journey.

Yeah, so I always wanted to be a mom. And as I was getting older, and wasn’t with a partner, I started to investigate some different options of how I could become a mom on my own. And, which is another story in itself, but I, I ended up being chosen to be my son's mom through adoption.

We've been together since the very beginning, I was there when he was born. So we've always been together, but it's just been us. And then when he was about 10 months old, he got a diagnosis of hydrocephalus, which is a build-up of fluid in brain; which usually has another diagnosis, along with it normally. And

he had compression at the base of his skull. So I had to kind of make a decision if he was going to have a shunt surgery or have his skull decompressed at 10 months old. So, it was a lot.

Yeah.

 So when he was 11 months old, I had him have the shunt surgery, which, I've had some thoughts about delays that were happening. He wasn't like, able to sit up like kids his age and things like that.

But once he had the surgery, it was kind of like he'd been on pause. And then he just started.

He did very well, very grateful. And then when he was about 20 months old, he needed a repair

for that.

I think when he was younger, though, some of the things that he went through, it allowed me to be home on leave with him. So, he was still pretty upbeat. I've noticed that the years have gone by and it's more chronic, you know, the emotional piece has kind of come in more for him. So, the last couple years with COVID also, have been; as I talked to other special need moms, that seems to be like a turning point for a lot of us, that things kind of shifted for us at that point. So I think the chronicness of it has gotten harder and it's manifested itself more in learning disabilities.

Just recently we got a diagnosis on the spectrum, which I was kind of surprised that hadn't happened earlier on. But I was kind of attributing it to other things. So there's always kind of something new to process. I was anticipating talking to, was thinking, well, it's not like I'm a mom who has it all figured out. But if you know somebody wants to know that there is somebody else on a tough journey with them, I'm right here for it. 

So we've had a couple of interesting years but leaving my career was necessary because there wasn't a flexibility to that. So, I've been kind of innovating it as I go along so that I can work around his needs.

Right. So, restructuring your work, and school and family life, that's been a necessity because of your son's medical needs. 

Yes. 

Okay. So you mentioned that the last two years that things have just… wow, this is becoming more of a job, more work, more intensive intervention. Would that be?

Yes.

Okay. And you're not on your own. I just want to say that.

I appreciate that.

You are so not on your own. I think for some people, you know, I know for myself, when I realized that my oldest… I have two children and both of them have special needs, differing special needs. But I remember with the oldest thinking, okay, we knew from birth that there was going to be issues. So, with my mindset and the way my mind works, it's like, just get on with it! And I don't think it really occurred to me that it was going to be ongoing and continuing to right expound. There's just going to be more and more and more as we go along this journey. So, it's not like you accept it and you move on and you get on with it. And that's it. It's forever changing. There's always different things coming in. And things you probably didn't even anticipate, right?

Yes, absolutely. Yeah. I think that one of the hardest things for me, like, I knew he had some sensory issues and he was very sensitive to some things, but he was always a pretty engaged, extroverted kid. And I saw that kind of shift, you know, again, what it kind of started when he was isolated during the pandemic and then, but then when we kind of came back out and we relocated at that time as well. So now that I understand some things, I wish I had known, and I guess people say this a lot, but I wish I'd known it sooner because I think I would have done some things differently for him.

But now, I mean, thank goodness for the internet and social media. I've come across some people that were talking about, you know, sensory processing. And I'm like, wait a minute.

Then I would go to the whichever doctor. That's another thing, like the whole gamut of specialists that you have to work with to get to the bottom of what they need. And there's not just one thing. So it took us a while. I was noticing things probably two years ago and then in the fall he got his diagnosis. And I thought that was a long time to not know and made sense with, you know, a lot of the challenges he was having. So that's been difficult on a lot of levels.

You mentioned the sensory processing and it just took me back to our youngest who was diagnosed with ADHD probably around grade five, grade six. And then two years ago we got a diagnosis of high functioning autism. But when we look back, part of the assessment was a parent interview. So my husband and I had to look back for the first five years of our youngest life. And it was then that I realized, oh yeah, sensory processing. This was a child that I couldn't transition from Pablum to textured type foods. You know, you get those little jars with little bits and pieces in it. Yeah. Couldn't forever. I was just thinking, is this child going to be on Pablum forever? And so it took a while to transition them to textured food, but didn't enter my head that there was a process with regards to this, that it was sensory processing that she was dealing with. And yeah, I didn't even know anything about it. 

No. 

Yeah. And so now we can see, yeah, those were some of the signs and the flapping of the hands, some of the signs of the, of being on the spectrum that we just didn't pick up because we were quite consumed with our oldest who is total care. So wheelchair bound, G-tube fed, non-verbal, uses of communication device. So that took up a lot of our time. Not that we weren't taking care of our youngest, but we just weren't looking for diagnoses.

No, no, no, no. Your time was, your time was full.

Somebody wise said to me recently, because I, you know, I tend to be a caring person and always go into caregiver roles. And I was trying to kind of jump into supporting other women at this point. And then this wise person said to me, you know, you kind of can't do that just yet. Like you can be a part of the, you can be a part of the community and gather support, but like to give the support right now, it's not time for that yet. So, I'm honored to be a part and to learn and to offer what I can. It's definitely at this particular point, overwhelming season, what you were saying about like the sensory processing.

When he was little, he did all of the, you know, testings for physical therapy, occupational therapy. And one thing that I would always tell moms and they always say is, you know, trust your instincts for your own child. Because we had that we've always had issues with feeding. And that's actually what made me do the research. It was so much stress about just about every meal. And I saw something about that. And it said, oh, it could be sensory, which kind of went into the next thing. So it's a journey of finding things out and putting puzzle pieces together and adding people to your team.

And ever-changing as we're ever learning and discovering new and different things. Yeah. 

So just going back to sort of the restructuring for you. So what does that look like now for you?

For work and career wise, you mean? Yeah, it's ever changing. So I first left wanting to develop

materials specifically for teachers, so that I could support, I have a master's in curriculum. And I thought, well, if I can't do the teaching, I can still, you know, coach and things like that.

So when I left, it was like right before COVID. And I was trying to build things.

I was doing the online marketing and all that stuff. And then COVID hit and my kindergartner was now home.

So, so I kind of did a quick pivot and decided to market the digital marketing skills that I had been doing on the back end for other online business owners; so, Pinterest and blogging and all those things. And I connected with a great team of women who were doing that online. But I figured it all out, who do I talk to? What's a virtual assistant? What are those things?

And then that kind of morphed into wanting to try to be alongside him in school. So, I went back to teaching for a little bit, actually this past fall, to see how it would go if I was teaching and he was learning and it didn't work.

 Okay.

Just wouldn't work for us. That’s been a hard thing to explain to people. But I think the special needs community understands that like was, I was trying, but it's not a flexible position. So, if he needed me, and its manifest in anxiety right now, and not being able to function, I had to just, you know, leave my post.

So, it's another kind of season of saying, well, what can I offer from here?

It’s not time when it's like just one answer for me. It's like, I have to wear a lot of different hats.

So the freelancing that I do now is around not just the marketing, but helping other women learn, and not just women, but business owners, learn that they can, create these products online. I can help them do that and also help them market it. So, I've been reaching out to small businesses, mid-sized businesses, and offering both of those kinds of services.

And, that's what we're doing right now. That's the new ground that I've landed on, and it feels good about with my background, to not just do the marketing, but offer my expertise and help people see, you know, in a business, if they already have a business, and it's service based, particularly, and they're overextended, what can we do to offer someone your services as a product.

So some of those conversations is the way that that's kind of grown along.

Wow. So I love that you've taken your skill set. So, basically what you had in your hands, which is your teaching, you're doing some back end digital work and just being able to kind of marry those and create a business so that you can be with your child as you need to be with your child. So that's amazing that you've been able to pull that off. Now I'm assuming that that probably was not easy.

No.

And there's a lot of, like when you were asking that question at the beginning, when a lot of people have heard what I've done, and they're like, "What? No, I, you know, it's, that's scary." But, you know, when you love someone and you know what they need, you know, the strength comes from somewhere. So it's definitely, you know, there's rocky times and scary times, and I think you have to trust yourself.

Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Absolutely.

But I know what life has to look like, so I have to kind of work around that.

Yeah. And I love that, and this is all moms, you do what's best for the family. I know we had a situation, so we have two children, as I mentioned, and both of them have special needs. Our youngest was away at school and not doing well, and it was a no-brainer for me to quit my job and go so that they could finish school to where they were, which is about an hour and a half drive from where we live. So, my husband stayed here to support our oldest child who we have in their forever home, and I went to support our youngest child so that they could at least finish that school year. And yeah, for me, it was a no-brainer. It wasn't much thought, it wasn't much… it was, this is what I have to do. And so as special needs moms, I believe that we have that skill set, most of us, to be able to pivot as we need to, because our world's ever-changing, so it's important to be able to recognize that this is where we need to shift, this is what we need to do, this is what, and it might just be for a season, it might be for the rest of your life, but being willing, and I think it comes innately because of our situation.

That's been a learning thing for me, adapting and becoming resilient, and how he's turned me into a different, better person, patience, it's a gift really to be able to be with them.

It’s a special opportunity to be able to talk about it too, it's an opportunity to be reflective. 

One of the things that I did during COVID was really study like emotional wellness and emotional intelligence, and the equivalent of that in education are the socially emotional learning skills. So I was already kind of familiar, and that's been kind of a passion of mine, but I really needed to deep into the mindset piece of that, and really, you know, guard my thoughts and be able to stay positive or be honest when I'm not, and everything starts with the thoughts, right? So, learning those things has helped a lot.

Yeah, so emotional wellness is a big topic.

Yeah. 

So for you, you just sort of were sharing about the mindset piece, and to be honest with you, I didn't know that term until just a few years ago. And it's been huge because you're right, our thoughts control so much. But we have the opportunity to choose whether we dwell on the thoughts. And so learning through mindset work, to be able to shift from negative thoughts and to reframe to something a little more positive. Yeah, that wasn't something that I had ever really gone to school for. It wasn't, it was only as I became a coach that I understood this, and recognizing how important it is before anybody can really move on to do anything that they may want to do. Because you really have to work with your thought process to be able to make those shifts and move forward.

It's so true. Like I would even say that your mind has to be in the right place before you can even do what you need to do for yourself physically. Because I was having that conversation with a few people because I got a small coaching certificate in just that specific area of mindset coaching.

So well, what do you think is more important? Or are they interwoven? Which comes first, right? Like, is it the physical health or the emotional? And we kind of went back and forth. I think they're very intertwined, right? Like, you're not feeling well mentally, you're not going to be able to get up and go and exercise necessarily, unless you really push yourself and you change your thought process, right?

So yeah, I really do believe that it all really starts there. And it's a decision every moment, right? Like if you're going to make that choice to help yourself. 

Gratitude is huge, too, in my opinion. Like if you can just focus on those things that are positive, especially when it's ever changing.

Yes. So I can appreciate that some people are in a place where they're thinking, what do I have to be grateful for? What do I have to be thankful for? But I think it's important to, as you say, have an attitude of gratitude, even if you can't think of anything, there's always the fact that you're still alive. The fact that you're able to breathe, whatever health you may be experiencing right now is probably better than someone else that you know. And so just going back to the basics and just the things of life to be grateful for. As I know, I have had periods where it's been tough. It's been tough. I am a believer and there have been some big conversations with God. I don't know why I'm going through what I'm going through. But as you say, being able to turn it back to a place of gratitude, I think of the Psalms and I always, I love the Psalms. And I love that David is so real in the Psalms and he just tells it like it is, but he always comes back to ‘but God,’ I'm still going to praise You.

Yes. And I think I'm a believer also. It sometimes might be the purpose of the struggle when you're really looking. It's just, maybe it is simply just to draw closer to God to know that when there aren't other people to depend on, you know, He will be there. We don't know. I think for me, when I'm so entrenched in the daily, I don’t want to be so with my blinders on that I can't see other people, you know, because we do get strength from one another. But if, you know, I understand what it's like to feel like you're not sure what to be grateful for.

And I keep a journal. I'm not as consistent as I used to be because the days are always changing. But when I do start to write things down on those days, when it's hard to come up with something, you'll be surprised once you get started, how many things will start to flow once you get going. So, I do encourage people. It does really help your mind to shift when you do that.

Totally agree. Totally agree. And there's something I like, I like to share with my coaching 

clients as well having that journal, however you want to look at it, it can be a book, it can be something on the computer; although there is something very therapeutic about pen and paper; I'm in a little old school as well!

Me too!

But some people, I know for myself getting into journaling was hard because I kept thinking, Oh, gosh, I need to have time to write down a whole bunch of things. But you know, on the days you don't have a lot of time, bullet points, just a couple of sentences, whatever, just to jog your memory for when you look back and reflect. So it doesn't have to be some scholarly, grammarly script that you create, it can just be how you're really feeling. And so, yeah, there's definitely different ways of journaling. It doesn't have to be just one particular way.

We can start with the children, they can even draw before they can write. 

Right, yes!

Draw how they're feeling. We can draw how we're feeling if we don't know what to say.

It's very therapeutic. Yeah. 

Yeah. I had a guest who is a grief counsellor, well, grief coach, grief recovery coach, and

she shared about a story when she was taking care of some boys and one of the boys was very, very angry. And that's what she did. She gave him a pen and some paper. And he just had, he took, chose a black pen actually, and he just colored with that black pen all over the page. And that just released for him the emotion. And she just said it was just amazing to see how he calmed down. And then he was able to pick lighter colors and color with those. So I love the fact that you brought up, yes, go back to how it was when you were a child and draw. I was thinking actually, as we were talking, I'm not a very big crafty person, but creating some crafts, anything that just allows you to release what it is that you're feeling.

I think as you were saying, you know, growing up, there were a lot of these skills I know I did not learn growing up. And then in recent years as a teacher, trying to teach them to children, a generation of us trying to teach them, we didn't really learn them ourselves. Like the whole emotional regulation thing is actually, and when you embrace it, it's an honor to kind of learn it alongside of your child, right? You can be honest and mirror with them, you know,

“I'm having a hard time with this too.” And I think maybe that’s hard as adults, you know, depending on the generation that it's something we have to learn alongside of them because it's new learning. That's okay. So even if we're doing it at the same time, I think, our children appreciate our honesty.

And it's an opportunity to model because that's how children learn, right? We have to be modeling what we want them to learn and what we want them to show. So if we're learning alongside them, then it's an opportunity to model as well as learn alongside each other and test each other.

 Yes.

All right. So you've mentioned that part of what you do in supporting moms is by showing them how to turn their trials into digital products that help other moms. So can you share what that entails?

Sure. So, I primarily work with businesses, right, who want to develop digital products. But like just to define a digital product, like it can be a lot of things. It could be like an ebook that you would download. It could be a membership that you create with people to come to. It could be a training. So if you're like a part of, you know, a group, you're encouraging women.

And, you know, there's so many smaller groups within, say, the special needs community, right?

If your friends come to you about something and you’re the person that they talk to about feeding their child, say, right, people that are having trouble with feeding, if that's something that that you, you know, have an audience for, you could create a small product around that and you know, earn some potentially extra income. I say, you know, if there's a need, primarily, I think a lot of us have passions about things. I think the ideal thing is to find something you're passionate about that there's a need for. Right. Because a lot of creatives will start to create, but not necessarily define that there was a need for it. I've run into that with a lot of clients. But in this community where there are so many needs, you know, you can be kind of lost in your child's care, it could be an outlet, potentially, and also a support for extra income, right? When you're feeling like you can't get out of the house and earn what you would want to, there are opportunities. So I’m trying to get the word out to, you know, to the moms that are at home that might not see themselves as that business woman, that they can do something with what they know, because it's very valuable.

And there's something empowering about that too.

Yes. And it's also giving back to the community. I love that you mentioned earlier about mindset, because I know, becoming a businesswoman, it's very difficult to see yourself as one, if that's not been something that you've been trained to do or have expertise in or have work experience in. So, I think that having that mindset coaching behind you probably is really helpful when you're helping moms see themselves differently as just a mom.

That's such a good point. I like look at someone because I do this work and say, Oh, you know, you could totally do this or this, but they're not often seeing it or thinking that way. You know, I think that's a really good point. It is a shift to see yourself as like the creator of something and the builder of something, if you've always been an employee. And I still struggle with that at times, a lot! But you know, it is where the change happens.

All right, so where can our audience go to find out more about you, Carolyn?

Well, I do have a website. It's called Carolyn Gardner Consulting.

That's also the name of my Instagram. I love to see people there. I’m also on LinkedIn as well, just as Carolyn Gardner. But those are the main places that they'll find me. And you can learn more about what I do, especially on the website.

Great. Thank you. And do you have anything you'd like to share with our audience?

Yes, I do.

There’ll be a download in your show notes, I guess, for them to learn how to start you know, a digital product income stream. There's the five steps that I recommend to get started. So they can grab that. And it's pretty comprehensive. Hopefully, they’ll see what they’ll need to start that mindset kind of shifting into, they can actually make something.

Yeah. That's great. Thank you so much. So as Carolyn said, that link will be in the show notes for you to download and the contacts to be able to reach Carolyn will be there if you have any questions that you would like to chat with her about. 

All right. So, Carolyn, before we conclude our conversation, and it's been great to chat with you, I'd love to hear some words of encouragement from you to other moms and parents who are raising kids with special needs or disabilities. What message would you like to share with them to give them some inspiration and support?

You know every day is a new day. And if you're in one of those days that feels like a really low day, remember that tomorrow is a new day. Don't let that struggle overwhelm you in the moment. Remember that there is a larger community. I mean, what I loved about coming here to talk today with Valerie is to just, you know, join a larger community, make a connection. You know, it's so much easier today. Find a Facebook group if you feel like you're, because there's a lot of isolation in this life sometimes. But thank goodness we have a lot of online opportunities to connect with wonderful people.

So just reach out. And you know, my need in being here too was to connect with the community. So please, you know, connect with me just to know another person that is experiencing these things. You're not alone.

And tomorrow is another day.

All right. Well, thank you so much for that. I love the reminder that tomorrow is another day. And that just takes me back to a Bible verse where, you know, we don't have to borrow tomorrow's troubles. We know there is enough for today.

So embrace the moment and live for today, be present in today, enjoy today, because today is a gift. 

Yes, it is. 

All right. Well, Carolyn, thanks again. It's been a pleasure.

So glad to have been here and get to meet you. And it has been a pleasure for me as well, Valerie. Thank you for what you're doing for moms.

You're so very welcome. And thank you too for giving moms an opportunity to to think outside the box. And what can I do to create a bit of an income stream? And that's, that's what I'm all about is supporting moms to be able to think about what I can do something for me too.

Yeah. Because often we get sucked into the being the mom, the providing for everyone, being the, you know, the partner. And sometimes we get lost in that and we forget to do something for us. So I'm all about encouraging moms to start thinking about what, what, what is it that I want to do for me?

And to have the fact that for them to know that it's okay, I give you permission to think that it can be about you. 

I had a conversation with one of my sisters one time, she said, when is it going to be about us, Val? And I said, at our eulogy. And I'm like, I don't want it to be that way!

So, I'm all about encouraging moms, if you've got a dream, if there's something that you want to do, let's see if we can make it happen.

Yeah. And it can just be a few minutes a day, you know, like it doesn't have to be these big chunks of time, just spend a few minutes a day on something you enjoy makes such a difference.

Absolutely. Absolutely. All right. Well, audience, I just want to remind you to Live with Intention and Embrace the Journey.

Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Special Needs Moms Circle of Strength.