Come and learn what KIND families are with Kari A. Baker

Episode Summary:
Valerie is joined by Kari A. Baker, a dedicated advocate for families raising neurodivergent children. Kari is former financial services executive and business owner turned author, speaker, and podcaster. She is the founder of KIND Families, a community of people who love Kids with Invisible Neurological Differences and is the host of The KIND Families Podcast. Kari became a KIND mom in 2014 when her son Brady was diagnosed with autism at age three. She started KIND Families to encourage, support, and inspire others to find God’s purpose and promise in KIND-ness. Her first print book Finding KIND, released on October 22nd 2024. 

Key Points Covered:

Navigating Career Options for Neurodivergent Teens:
Kari shares how she and her family explored career paths for her child with ADHD and autism, ultimately focusing on a potential future as an ultrasound tech. She emphasizes how the right environment can empower neurodivergent individuals and foster independence.

The Writing Journey and Motivation Behind the Book:
Kari discusses what inspired her to write her book, recounting her early struggles in finding relatable stories when her son was diagnosed. The journey transformed over time, shifting focus from hardship to embracing and celebrating her child’s strengths and achievements. Kari highlights how her faith and growth as a mother shaped the book’s uplifting message.

Shifting from Pain to Purpose:
Reflecting on the impact of being Brady’s mom, Kari describes how she evolved from focusing on challenges to finding purpose in their shared journey. Her book encourages families to see their children’s potential and recognize that every child is born with unique gifts meant to impact others positively.

Building and Finding Community:
Kari and Valerie underscore the importance of finding community as a parent raising a child with special needs. Sharing experiences with others who understand can be a source of comfort, strength, and connection. Kari offers practical suggestions for seeking out support groups and emphasizes that no parent has to go through this journey alone.

Memorable Quotes:

• “What I thought was holding me back was leading me to a new purpose.” – Kari A. Baker
• “Your child was made exactly the way he or she is supposed to be made, and you were made to be their mom or dad.” – Kari A. Baker
• “Embrace the journey, because this is a marathon, not a sprint.” – Coach Valerie

Link to Kari’s website to pick up your preview of the book

https://kindfamilies.com/#8371f6f9-af3f-4d01-8a04-72b28b4bbe66

Connect with Kari

IG - @kariabaker & @kindfamilies, 

FB & LinkedIn: @kariabaker  

Live with Intention - Embrace the Journey.

Connect with me:

Valerie's Links: https://bit.ly/3RL0da2

Music Acknowledgement: Audio Coffee - Denys Kyshchuk

Editor: Scott Arbeau

Link for book: The S.H.I.N.E. Principle: The special needs mom's path to strength, hope and happiness by Valerie Arbeau

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B0CW18ZXGX (Canada)

https://a.co/d/03hFdZI4 (United States)

Learn more about your host at:
https://coachingwithvalerieanne.com/

Transcript

I am sure. And you know what, you have to let yourself get through that you have to let yourself feel that and get through it. You know, I kind of pushed it all down. Because I was just like, I got to go, go, go, go, go, you know, and then I'd put on a happy face for everybody else. And I never, it took me years to deal with it. And that was part of my problem.

Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for joining us today. I'm so excited that you're here. And I have with me my guest for this episode, I have Kari Baker, who is a financial services executive and business owner turned author, speaker, and podcaster.

Kari is the founder of KIND Families, a community of people who love kids with invisible neurological differences and is the host of the KIND Families podcast. Kari became a KIND mom in 2014 when her son Brady was diagnosed with autism at the age of three. She started KIND Families to encourage, support and inspire others to find God's purpose and promise in KIND-ness. Her first book, Finding KIND released in October 2022. Take note, because you want to make sure you get this book.

All right, welcome, welcome, Kari. 

Thank you so much for having me, Valerie. I'm excited to chat with you today.

You're so welcome. All right, so I ask all my guests, the first question is always what is a unique thing about you?

Well, you just mentioned that I left the financial services world after 30 years in January of 2023 to focus specifically on KIND.

So that kind of cat is out of the bag. So I guess the other unique thing about me is I am a backup vocalist for my church's worship team. And it is one of my favorite things on the planet to do. I am heavily focused on being a backup vocalist. I would never be able to make a living doing it, but it's just one of my joys.

 So love it. Love it. And what voice are you? Soprano, alto?

I am alto. If when they make me sing a soprano, I get really nervous.

I'm with you. Give me alto anytime. 

Yes, yes.

All right, Kari, tell us a little about your special needs mom journey.

Oh, I'd love to. So, I became a mom 13 years ago, my son will actually be 14 in February, but

I kind of had a plan to have a typical motherhood journey and a planner at heart. So in being in the financial services world, I planned everything and I thought I had a pretty good grasp on making all of my plans come to fruition. So when my son was around two, he walked on time and he talked on time and at his well check appointment at two. The pediatrician said, you don't have to worry about autism, he's totally fine. And, but, there were still some some things that were kind of concerning to us. And, you know, he is an only child. I had him when I was almost 40 years old, and I was not around a lot of other little kids. So I didn't really know what was typical and non-typical for toddlers. But you know, one of the things that stood out to me was that we would go to play dates. And he wouldn't want to be with the other kids at all, he would either be running out the front door, and I'd have to try to chase him down before he got into traffic, or he just tried to get himself in a different room. And I remember joking with my friends, I said, I'm going to have to start bringing a babysitter to these play dates, because I'm not getting a chance to talk to all the moms, you know, and that's part of the reason I was at the play date. So, as to, to bond with all these other young moms, and, so that was the social thing was the biggest part of it.

He also had a real hard time with all kinds of fine motor and gross motor coordination. He was extremely obsessed with the Wiggles. I'm not sure if you're familiar with the Wiggles, but okay, so four grown Australian men that dance and sing and, but instead of just listening to the DVDs, he would, them out on our ottoman and line them all up. And then he would just stand and stare at them super intently and rock back and forth.

And it got to the point where looking at the DVDs covers themselves weren't enough. He wanted to pull out the insets, the colorful insets, and carry those around. And you know, I didn't want them all wrinkled up and messed up in the case. So I said, well, why don't I make a photocopy for you? And that started a whole new thing for him. So we would make photocopies of the inset. And then he would want us to cut out little pieces of it, you know, Murray's head or Jeff's guitar or something like that. And then he would carry those things around like they were gold. And, you know, when one was lost, it was the end of the world in his eyes.

So, everything kind of came to light though, when he was in the threes, and we had him in a preschool. And he cried every day when I would drop him off. And the teacher assured me he was fine a few minutes after I left, but would send pictures home every day. It was great. You know, we get 50 pictures and an email of all the activities they had during the day. And we noticed that Brady was never in circle time. Whenever the kids were all in circle time, he was off in the back of the room. My husband called it doing the cockroach. He was on his back with his hands and feet up in the air. And he was never with other kids. The playground pictures, Brady was always by himself. And I asked the teacher one day and I said, you know, what, are you noticing anything that's concerning? And she did say that, well, you know, when we ask him questions, he doesn't respond with an answer. He just repeats the question back to us. And I hadn't really caught that at home. He was talking to us, but when she said that, I said, you know what, that's right. So I came home that day and I was, just distracted. I couldn't really focus on work. And there was a magazine that had come that was one of those neighborhood magazines that had pictures of all the charity galas and stuff like that in there. But something made me, I believe God made me open that magazine that day. And I opened it up to an article about a woman named Patty Dion. And Patty's son diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, which is former diagnosis of autism, not until he was an adult, he was in his mid to late 20s when he had the diagnosis and had struggled his whole life. And the description that Patty wrote about her son was just spot on to Brady. And honestly, autism had never even entered my mind as something that was even a possibility. But when I read this description, I just couldn't get past how eerily similar it was to Brady. So at the bottom of the article, there was a link to an online quiz. And it was for an organization that was at the time called Think Asperger's. And 15 questions. And I went through that quiz and I was 15 for 15 and hit submit. And they came back with a message saying your child needs to be evaluated for autism spectrum disorder. And I was just I was stunned and I was shocked and I was devastated. And kind of funny, I lived three blocks away from my parents, I adore my parents, and we live very close. And I think that my mom's ESP was working that day, because right after I took that quiz, she called me and could tell that something was not right in my voice. And two minutes later, my dad was at my front door. And I just collapsed with him. And I didn't even doubt it. There was no doubt in my mind after taking that quiz that it was 100% autism. So then I got online and started doing all this researching, but it was an absolute gut blow.

And because I just didn't know anything about it, I was completely ignorant to autism. And the only things I did know about it, I thought were just frightening. Even as we started down the path, you know, the one thing we kept getting drilled into our head was you have to get treatments and evaluation and interventions as early as possible. Because the earlier you do that, the more their brain can respond to it. And, but then there were waiting lists everywhere, six months, a year long waiting list. And so we were told to go, go, go, but then we'd hit a brick wall every time we tried to go, go, go. And I remember going to a parent training one time and the, the gal said, well, you might as well cash out your college fund. And, you know, you might want to build a casita on the back of your house, because it's,

you know, likely that your son is going to live with you for the rest of his life. And it was just one thing after another.

I will say that, you know, at the time, I did not have a strong faith. I was born and grown up in Presbyterian Church. I knew a lot of things about God, but I didn't have a relationship with Him. I didn't even really know that was possible. So when I was going through all of this, it was just all about why did this happen? Why did this happen to me? You know, there's a lot of focus on me.

The first two or three years really, of the diagnosis, I was not in a very good place. I was putting on a happy face for everybody else. And, you know, every night I would come home and I'd cry about whatever the latest thing was. Because, you know, instead my friends were taking their kids to soccer practice and, you know, baseball practice, and I was taking my son to therapies, just thousands of hours of it. And, and luckily, you know, looking back, Brady loved all the interventions that he had, because he was getting this focused one on one adult attention, which he loved. It was just his peers he had issue with. So Brady never knew any different. I mean, from the time he was three years old on, he just knew that he had helpers in school and he had, you know, appointments to go to and just thought all the kids did that.

So it was really, just trying to keep our head above water. And I was still really clinging to that past dream or plan that I had made for what life was going to be like. And I hadn't let go of that yet.

And I was finally, really started getting pulled into church. I got nudged to go into a Bible study, which was shocking to me because I never would have pictured myself as somebody going to a Bible study. By the way, I now lead a Bible study with 80 women every week--- that I just had this picture of old ladies sitting around in rocking chairs with, you know, crochet or something. So I just, but started to learn. The more I learned, the more I realized that God, God made Brady exactly the way he was supposed to be. He was made on purpose for purpose. I was made to be his mom. And once I took that focus off of a plan that I had made that I had no right making in the first place. I mean, who am I to say, God, this is my plan. And I'm going, I'd like you to just, you know, act it out exactly as I have written on this document right here, please, you know, and it sounds silly, but that's really where I was coming from for a long time. 

So I was able to let go of that and really embrace who Brady is, he's this awesome kid. He's funny. He's creative, like creative, like you would not imagine he's written 150 creative writing stories, he was doing theater, he, you know, is not afraid of a microphone, you know, look out if he gets the microphone, you're most likely not getting it back for a while.

You know, really, once I started focusing on who he is, not who I thought I was supposed to get, the weight started to lift. And the more I learned about faith and drew closer to God, and the more I am in community of other moms that were going through this, it just, it lifted the weight. So now he still has autism, he's in middle school, and that is no fun. I mean, I'm not going to mince words there, you know, peer groups have been a big challenge. There's,

still all of the things about autism. And he later was diagnosed with ADHD and a couple other things in the neurological, you know, soup mix.

But he's a fantastic kid. He's got faith, I really didn't know if, that was possible.

And so we're trying to just embrace who he is, and try to help nurture the strengths that he has so that he can fill the purpose that he has.

Yeah. Wow, that's quite the journey. Thank you so much for sharing that.

I know it's not easy sometimes. And especially as we were looking back, as moms, it's like, Oh, how did I miss that? Right? I missed that. And we have some similarities. I was an older mom too. So I was 39. I had my first. And interesting for us, both of my children are on the spectrum. My oldest has cerebral palsy. So that was the main focus. And we had a prolapse cord. So I didn't even know a cord could prolapse. So that cut off the oxygen supply. And Melody Anne was probably not supposed to be here, but praise God, she is a gift. And every day we thank Him for the gift because she's now 22. And we were given a year prognosis.

But it wasn't until later, I'm going to say maybe Melody Anne was maybe four or five in around there. We had a speech language pathologist coming. So Melody Anne is total care. So, G-Tube Fed, wheelchair bound and uses a communication device now. But at the time, the speech language pathologist sort of said, if you ever thought about Melody and being on the spectrum, didn't even occur to us. And similar thing, didn't really know much about autism.

And when we started to look at the clinical features of autism, it's like, Oh, yeah, right, didn’t smile. She wouldn't look at us. She wouldn't give us eye contact, repetitive, wanting to hear the same song over and over and over again. So all of these started to come to

the fore, as we started to think about it, and just the social aspect, as you say, Melody Anne knows how to be socially appropriate, but it's not her go to. Yeah, the kids we know with CP, (Cerebral Palsy) are very affectionate and, know, jovial and like to socialize and make friends, but Melody Anne was never really one of those. But what was a shock for us was our second child. They were diagnosed ADHD in grade five. And then we got the diagnosis of high functioning autism two years ago. 

Oh, yeah.

And I never understood about dual diagnosis is because when Melody Anne was with CP, that was all consuming. So that's what we focused in on right? When the diagnosis came in of autism it was like, Oh, okay. So then with our second child, we just didn't see it. But when we were asked, and it only came up because we were looking to do psycho-educational assessment with a psychologist, right? We're going on know, beyond high school. And so we did that in grade 11. And then that psychologist said, so have you ever considered your child being on the spectrum?

But she made us go back through, because part of the assessment was, how were they the first five years of their life? Right? And then Scott and I were kind of like, Oh!!! So this is where I come from with that. How did we miss that? 

Right. 

I couldn't take this child from Pablum to textured foods.

Right.

Sensory processing. I'd never heard of sensory processing. So there's all of these things that are coming up. So yes, it has been a journey. 

Right. And I do feel blessed that, you know, I kind of feel like with all the things that, that we were noticing about our Brady, I wasn't getting it. And I wasn't going to get it, quite frankly. And just kind of feel like that magazine being there that day was God saying, you need to wake up, like, this is what it is. And just can't imagine that I would even accept that we needed to do anything about it if it hadn't happened the way it did. But I know, and especially with girls, know that, know, obviously all I have as a boy, but a lot of times that it's expressed with girls is so much harder to pick up. And all you can do is when you know, to do something about it. And that's what I tell parents if they start having this inkling, then act on it at that point. Until you get the clues, you know, you just, how would you know?

So exactly. And especially if it's your first child. So for us, because we had been in the special needs community, started picking up on my youngest when, think grade two, they were not getting invited to birthday parties. Thinking I'm saving a lot of money here. I don't have to buy a lot of birthday gifts.

That was the plus. But anyway, but that started my brain kind of tweaking. But then we had the diagnosis of ADHD a couple years later. So I just thought that was it. So the autism one came totally out of the blue for us. And so I love how I have one of each, one with invisible,

Right? 

One visible. And I remember thinking, years ago, Oh, gosh, would it be better to know right at the front? So with Melody-Anne, we knew for sure. And then Oh, would it be better to find out later? Because we have a nephew who is 19, just turned 19. And I love in your book how you talk about Brady going swimming, because my sister-in-law got my nephew into swimming. So he is in special Olympics and has been representing his province. They live on the east coast of Canada. And so it's just been lovely to see him grow through this. And I just remember thinking, would I want to know right at the beginning or what I want to know later on. And I would just want to say, and I've mentioned this before on the podcast is equally as devastating.

Oh, I'm sure. I am sure. And you know what, you have to let yourself get through that you have to let yourself feel that and get through it. You know, I kind of pushed it all down. Because I was just like, I got to go, go, go, go, go, you know, and then I'd put on a happy face for everybody else. And it took me years to deal with it. And that was part of my problem. But it's, it's okay to have those feelings, as long as you don't sit in it forever. You know, it is

some point, you have to take that leap that that diagnosis, whatever it is, that is your roadmap to figure out how you can best help your child. And it's nothing else. And somebody told me a long time ago, Brady is the exact same kid the day before the diagnosis as he was the day after the diagnosis.

That's something that's important to remember. Because all of the challenges he has, he still has gifts, and he has strengths. Yeah. And, just, you know, like you were saying with your nephew, the swimming, I mean, there are things that Brady can do on his own,

he can, he doesn't even have to be all that great at it. But if he can just kind of work on doing personal bests with it, and he doesn't have to rely on other team members and have to, you know, perform for other team members, then, you know, he gets a similar experience out of it. So that's really important to be able to find those things that they love and that they're good at and nurture that.

Absolutely. Absolutely. No love that. All right. So Kari, how did you figure out that Brady's brain works differently?

Well, obviously, like, I mean, the autism diagnosis, the first few years, it was, kind of like the factual knowledge, right? But there was another step to take that was the, okay, I really know, like, now I understand, right?

 Yeah.

Of the things that we did, he had a couple of different things. He loves pressure on his body. So he would get up in the middle of the night and go, we have a couch with great big feather

pillows, and he would stuff himself in between the hard back of the couch and those heavy pillows to get that pressure. And, know I didn't understand that and didn't know how to use that. Like when he would get upset, that pressure would help calm him down. And for a long time, he couldn't sleep without that pressure.

One of the other things that was an eye opener for me, and he was older, he was probably eight or nine years old. So he was to the point where he could communicate a lot better with us. But he hated hot food. Like if the food was over room temperature, he wouldn't eat it. And sometimes it would create a meltdown.

And it got a little, you know, it gets a little old, I make his chicken nuggets, and I put them in the oven, and they come out of the oven, I have to put them in the freezer for five minutes to get back down to, you know, room temperature was this very nuanced process. And, and one day I remember giving him the nuggets after I took them out of the freezer. And he

said, Mom, these are Mommy, these are still too hot. And I said, Brady, it's not hot. Just eat the nuggets. And he looked at me and he goes, Mom, Mommy, what's room temperature to you is burning hot to me. Wow. And I just took a step back. And I said, Wow, okay, you're right. You know what, we'll get it to where you need to get it. 

But you know, there's a difference, again, between kind of having the factual knowledge and then understanding that there really are differences in the way that he's receiving the world and the way he sees the world. If he walks into a crowded room, and it's chaos, and there's voices, he can't filter those things out and just focus on a conversation that's happening in the middle of all of that. So, you know, the neurodiversity the way that I came to understand it is to try to see how Brady was reacting to the things that were happening and knowing he's not faking it, the kids not faking that he can't eat something super-hot, his taste buds and the little neurons that are in there are sending his brain the message that it is burning hot. Yeah. And so that was that was the big part of it. But it is, you know, the invisibility piece, and I'm sure, you know, you understand this as well.

There is a little bit of a lesser degree of grace that's given now, certainly, I'm so grateful for all that he can do and that for all of the blessings, health wise, that he has had his whole life. But when there is an episode with whether it be a, you know, a teacher or another student or another, you know, parent walking through the grocery store, because he looks just like every other kid on the planet when something like that happens, there is not really as much grace or understanding that, oh, you know, this, kid might have something wired in his brain that is causing him to react this way. And as a mom, it's, hard not to take offense and to have shame kind of built up when you assume that people are looking at your child who is reacting to something and they're just looking at you saying, well, she must be a terrible mother, she can't control her kid, right?

So that was one of the chapters I talked about is this shame that I always wanted to put my best foot forward and, you know, put on the pretty face and the smile and all that kind of stuff. And when that wasn't possible, it was, you know, it was a, a feeling of shame that I had to learn to work through. And it wasn't shame of my kid at all. I mean, I love Brady, he is a spectacular kid. He is amazing. I wasn't ashamed of him. But I was taking this shame from people I didn't even know that wasn't even really being, you know, applied to me, I was just taking and so that's a step too that I had to get through as a KIND mom to just say, you know, they just don't know. They don't know.

Exactly. And I find in today's society that people don't necessarily appreciate and understand that we're doing the best we can. We're often learning as well as we journey with our children. But I find too that people are not overly open to seeing things from a different perspective. Sure. Society has an expectation of when your kids are out in public, you have them in tow and they are behaving themselves. And I get, you know, the feeling of

shame, not that you're shaming yourself or your family. But it's just like, how are people perceiving me? And I really don't have time to sit down and explain to you that my child has autism, x, y and z, right? 

Exactly. So it gets so tiring for some people that don't, they don't necessarily want to go out and deal with the stares, the possibility that your child might have a meltdown and all of that. My hope is, and I'm sure it's yours as well, that people can be more open to seeing people from a different perspective. And not everybody is going to tow the line as society thinks they should.

 Sure. And I think we're moving in the right direction there. I mean, I’ve had some really cool conversations and from the standpoint of even employment for people who are on the spectrum. So, you know, the unemployment rate for people on the spectrum is like 85 to 90%. But there are organizations that are going out and working with companies saying you're missing out on these amazing minds that could be huge assets to your organization. You just need to learn to interview them differently. You need to learn to hire them differently, supervise them differently, and you will get a great result. And I mean, we're just at the, at the beginning of that starting to happen, I think. But that is something that is super important to me is, you know, just raising that awareness.

I was telling somebody the other day, do you remember, I don't know if you saw it, this internet image of a dress that a woman had bought. And half the people thought it was blue and half the people thought it was white and gold. Did you ever see that? 

No.

You should. I'll, I'll, I'll send it to you when we're done. But it's this, just like a mother of the bride dress. And half the people see it as a blue and black dress. I see it as a white and gold dress. My husband sees it black and blue. But it's the same dress. It's the same picture. We're looking at it together. And we both see it in different colors.

So I use that as an example of, you know, all of our brains are wired differently. It doesn't mean his brain is wired correctly. And mine is incorrect. But it's just my brain is receiving signals that his not. And yeah, I think starting, and hopefully with all the things you know, you're doing and, you focus on neurodiversity out there, that we will start to kind of chip away at that negative connotation around it and just understand that you're going to relate to somebody no matter what's going on in their brain.

 Absolutely. No, I love that. You just brought up the memory for me for my nephew.

So we have, it would appear autism on both sides of our family, my husband and I. So my sister, one of my sisters, I have three, has a son with, who was diagnosed with Asperger's and he would have probably been about eight or nine or maybe, maybe 12 in around that age range. So coming tween years, and with the work situation, he is a brilliant mind. So this is a man that's working on a PhD. He has two masters. He was able to do his masters in, get this, soap operas, because he loves Coronation Street. So I'm from England. So Coronation Street has been a long, long standing soap. And it is here in Canada. And so he was able to write his thesis, on soap operas and the evolution of all of this kind of stuff. So it's just amazing. Anyway, so he went on to be an archivist. So he got his degree in archiving. And so he works for the British Broadcasting Company, BBC in England. And so I love how they took him on, he had a longer probation period, because of his Asperger's. And he has done so well. So he, they took him on as an assistant. And so he did that for quite a while. And now he just recently got a job as an archivist. So I'm just so proud of him. But also, as you say, companies, bigger companies, and maybe smaller companies, I'm sure, are starting to understand that neurodivergency is a good thing. We need to know how to handle it.

Exactly how to channel it. So it's, you know, there's been a lot of focus with autism on STEM on the technology and math and science and that sort of thing. Well, my son, that is not his thing. His, his thing is creativity. And, you know, writing and he loves movies, he wants to be a movie director, and he dissects every little component of a movie after it's over and rates it and all that kind of stuff. But even organizations now out in Hollywood that are geared towards bringing autistic people into entertainment and, you know, cartooning and all of these different things that they can be super effective doing, that don't require maybe sitting at a desk from, you know, eight to five and plunking that stuff out. So it's exciting. I mean, we are still like I said, we are so on the beginning edge of all of the things that’s where I'd like to see it going. But we're moving in the right direction.

This is such a great time for your son as he's going to be coming into adulthood, there will be so much more research done and so much more acceptance and yeah, so much more opportunities. I'm very excited. 

Exactly. 

For our youngest, we had to kind of sit around and chat about what kind of career can our child go into because with ADHD and the autism, it's not so easy. So we are looking at ultrasound tech.

Oh, neat. Okay. 

Yeah. So we're going to look at, and right now they're upgrading, they're getting the physics and the math and they just text me they had some tests last week. And they did phenomenal because a lot of ADHD people don't do math. 

Well, right, right. 

This child of mine seems to be able to manage the physics. So we'll see. So our hope is that they, they will be able to get into doing this. And I think part of it is, like you mentioned earlier, they're not having to be reliant on other people feeding them or them feeding somebody else so they can do their job. It's sort of dim lights. It's just you and your patient. And so it just seemed like the atmosphere and you don't have to do a whole lot of talking with these people. You obviously have to introduce yourself to say what you're doing. We just thought that that might be a good fit.

I will keep you posted.

That's a great idea. I know that's fabulous. I love that.

All right. So you have written a book. 

I have. 

Yeah, it's an excellent book, by the way. And it will be in the show notes, the link for it.

 So what helped you decide to write this book?

 Well, it was funny. There was a gal in this Bible study that I went to. And she told me after the meeting one day, she goes, you know, you have to write a book about this, because I had been spilling my guts very surprisingly, because normally I was very private, but something about walking into this Bible study and I told them everything.

I thought, you know, when I was going through all of that at the beginning, I looked for a book I really did. My husband and I we went to the library, we're looking online for something that wasn't a medical journal or a therapy guide or something like that.

I wanted to hear other people's stories to know that my story wasn't just this, this weird, isolated incident. And,I didn't find it. So I sat down and I started writing and it actually gushed out of me at first. This was back in 2018. And I wrote so much stuff about all of the

school issues and the evaluations and the, you know, all the hard stuff. My husband

read it. And he said, Kari, this just sounds like it's really hard to be Brady's mom. Is that really what you want the world to hear?

And I said, Oh my gosh, no, that is the farthest thing from it, because it's not true. First of all, and my being his mom is my greatest joy. But I stopped writing for a long time. And then as Brady grew, he started doing some really cool, amazing things. And my faith continued to grow. And I realized that my whole take on it, I didn't need to tell people a narrative of all the hard things there are about being an autism mom, because any one, if they're reading it and they've been there, they're gonna, you know, they're gonna know. But what I needed to talk about was how I changed through the process, and how I stepped out of all of my pain and frustration and anger, and really started to embrace the child I had, the life I have, who I am as his mom, and the fact that I was meant to be his mom.

And then it was neat because I got to, as it started to come together, you know, sometimes I think when you're writing, you just write, write, write, and then you look at and you're like, how does all this fit together? But it just kind of came together like, okay, here are the stories of waking up to Brady being on the autism spectrum. And then here are the stories about adjusting to it. And there are some hard stories in there too. But the last section is all about these amazing things that Brady has done in his short 13 years on the planet.

And it's a focus more on, you know, him having these gifts and talents and using these gifts and talents and surprising us in ways that you just can't even imagine. And it really, you know, helped me come to terms with the fact that this kid's gonna do something big, he's gonna, and by big, I don't mean he's going to be a movie star or anything like that, but he is gonna, he's gonna impact other people's lives in a positive way for his whole life.

And really that, you know, the message is, everybody is born on purpose for a purpose.

And, using those gifts and talents, the way, however your brain is wired. And with the gifts and talents that you have, when you start using those, then it leads you into purpose. And

That, that was really the heart behind it. And to try to encourage families that are going through that, to maybe, that are going through it a little bit more recently than we did, never to underestimate what their child can do. And yeah, you know, just embrace them for who they are. And know that you were made to be their mom, or dad.

So, I'm just gonna pull a sentence from your book. “What I thought was holding me back was leading me to a new purpose.” And I see, though, as you just been explaining your reason for writing the book. I just love this, the fact that because, you know, we as parents, it's like, like, I don't get to do this, and I don't get to do that, because I'm doing this for my child, and I'm having to let go of x, y and z. And so I love the fact that you indicated in your book that this was leading you to a new purpose.

 Yes. And one that I've never felt more fulfilled doing. I mean, we're kind of on the front end of it. But I mean, it's it's funny to me that three years ago, I was just holding 401k meetings with companies and board meetings and board conference rooms. And, I used to love that I actually used to love that business for years and years and years I did, but I started feeling pulled away a couple years before I was actually able to step away. And the difference in my own peace and my joy is just it's off the charts. And it's you know, that if there is one family that picks up the book and feels like they're not alone and get some encouragement,

maybe gets a little, you know, learns from some of my mistakes early on of trying to come to terms with all of this and they get there a little faster than I did, that’s what it's out there for. 

Love it. All right. Do you have anything you'd like to share with our audience?

 Well, I do have a URL that could be I believe you said you're going to put it in the show notes and I wanted to give everybody just a little sneak peek. So one of the really cool things about the book is that my son Brady wrote the forward. And it's so good. And it just reflects him. It is just a perfect picture of him. Hopefully you don't mind Star Wars references in it, but that is his, long life passion is Star Wars. But I do have a PDF that's got the forward from Brady and the introduction and first chapter of the book so they can kind of get a taste of what, what they're in for if they get the book.

And I do want to testify that Brady did an excellent job of the forward. It was lovely to do things from his perspective. And what a writer like really, he was very evident as I read that.

He's he's wonderful. So I'm so proud of him.

Okay, Kari, where can our audience go to find out more about you?

So, KIND Families is the website that's dedicated just to issues about families. And then I've also got a personal website, Kari A Baker. It's K A R I Baker for speaking engagements or

anything else. The podcast links are there as well.

And then the KIND families podcast is on Apple and Spotify.

Great, great. And tell us again what KIND stands for.

Kids with invisible neurological differences.

All right. Love that. And I love the KIND movement. I just, yeah, that totally resonates. Well, thank you so much for, for sharing that with us. So before we conclude our conversation today, Kari, and it has been a pleasure,I'd love to hear some words of encouragement from you to other moms or parents who are raising kids with special needs. What message would you like to share with them?

Well, the number one thing is your child was made exactly the way he or she is supposed to be made, and that you were made to be their mom or dad.

Second thing is find community. That's one of the best things you can do for yourself and for your family is to connect with other families who have similar experiences. Nobody's experience is going to be the same.

I will never forget the first time I sat down with other moms who had kids like my son. And I think I cried through the whole coffee because in the middle of Starbucks, I was bawling my eyes out because I felt like someone finally spoke my language.

And so please, you know, there's all kinds of opportunities to connect, your podcast is definitely one of them. But there are support groups, there's Facebook support groups, there's all kinds of different online vehicles that you can use to connect. But just not try to feel like you're out there on your own because you're not no, no.

And we're not meant to do this journey alone. You know, God created us for community. And I'm so thankful that we've been able to do what we do. And I just want to commend you and thank you for what you do for families. Thank you for helping them along their journey. And it is a journey. And that's why I usually end my podcast with embrace the journey because it's a long journey. And we're in it for the marathon. This is not a sprint. This is definitely a marathon. So changing our mindset towards the gift that we've been given and utilizing that gift is something that I find helped me move through my journey.

 Right. Amen.

 Well, Kari, thank you so much. So I just want to remind our audience to Live with Intention and Embrace the Journey.

 Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Special Needs Moms Circle of Strength.