Strengthening Your Nervous System: Simple Tools for Busy Moms with Jorunn Liland

Special guest Jorunn Liland joins us to share her expertise on how strengthening your vagus nerve can transform how you navigate stress, create calm, and find balance in your day-to-day life.

Jorunn is an occupational therapist who specializes in stress management and polyvagal theory, with a focus on complex PTSD survivors. Jorunn runs a yoga group designed to help people regulate their nervous systems, particularly those dealing with trauma.

Jorunn has a son who is profoundly deaf and lives with her family and their two dogs in Norway.

You can hear more about Jorunn in episode number 30. 

Through micro-mindful moments, self-expression, and simple daily practices, June guides us on how to bring peace into our homes and our lives. You’ll learn about the science behind the vagus nerve, why it’s crucial for our mental and physical health, and how easy, actionable steps can make a big difference.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- Why the vagus nerve is your body’s “calming superhighway” and how it impacts everything from digestion to stress response.
- The power of simple practices like the 4-4-4 breathing exercise to reset your nervous system in just 60 seconds.
- How "kitchen sink mindfulness" can turn everyday chores into moments of calm and grounding.
- The importance of self-expression for emotional well-being and how to make it a non-negotiable part of your daily routine.
- A gentle 5-minute guided body scan meditation to leave you feeling recharged and at peace.

Key Takeaways:
- Micro-Mindful Practices: Regulating your nervous system doesn’t require hours of meditation. Find moments throughout your day to breathe, hum, or practice mindfulness.
- The Ripple Effect: When you calm yourself, you’re setting a powerful example for your children and those around you.
- Make Self-Expression a Habit: From journaling to dance, even five minutes of creativity can help you process emotions and reconnect with joy.

Try This Today:

1. Practice the 4-4-4 breathing exercise: 
2. Transform a routine task into a mindful moment. .
3. Dedicate five minutes to self-expression. 

Free Resource: Strengthening Your Nervous System Handout - https://stan.store/Jorunn

Connect with Jorunn:

https://www.tiktok.com/@jo.mindful.mentor

https://www.instagram.com/jorunnliland/

Thank You for Listening!
Don’t forget to share this episode with a fellow mom who might benefit from these tools. And if you enjoyed this conversation, leave us a review—it helps us reach more moms like you!

Live with Intention - Embrace the Journey.

Connect with me:

Valerie's Links: https://bit.ly/3RL0da2

Music Acknowledgement: Audio Coffee - Denys Kyshchuk

Editor: Scott Arbeau

Link for book: The S.H.I.N.E. Principle: The special needs mom's path to strength, hope and happiness by Valerie Arbeau

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B0CW18ZXGX (Canada)

https://a.co/d/03hFdZI4 (United States)

Learn more about your host at:
https://coachingwithvalerieanne.com/

Transcript

Maybe you had an interest from long ago that you would like to pick up. Make it a commitment. Make this a habit every single day, even for just five minutes.

Commit to it like your life depends on it. And it does. Because you're meant to thrive. You're meant to be happy and have joy and not just survive.

Hello and welcome to this episode. We are so glad that you're here. I had the privilege of meeting our guest some time ago, and she is back again. So, we're having a very special episode today. And so I want to introduce to you my guest, Jorunn Liland, and she is from Norway. She has two children, and she lives there with her husband, and their dog, and the kids. And she's an occupational therapist that specializes in mental health, and she's been doing that for the last two decades. Jorunn, or she sometimes goes by June, embarked on a new journey 12 years ago when her child was born profoundly deaf. So this unexpected turn of events prompted June to navigate through shock and unfamiliar territory. And over the years, June's family has embraced sign language, forming connections with the deaf community and gaining invaluable friendships. So today, June is going to be talking to us about something different. We have a special treat in store for you. She's going to take you through a treatment process. So welcome, June!

Thank you so much. What an introduction. Thank you. Oh, I'm so happy to be here. And I can't wait. I would like to start with a quote saying, "Some of us are too busy being strong, so we can't be happy."

Ooh, that one's powerful. Yeah, I love that. Love that. Well, June, I'm going to let you go on and bring us the goodness that you're planning to bring us today. So the stage is yours.

Thank you. So, like all of us, I guess, there are unexpected plot twists to our lives. And first was our son. He's 12 now. He was born profoundly deaf. And we were thrown into the deep hole, and it was a steep learning curve. And when I found myself passionate about something, I wanted to give back, and I engaged myself in NGOs, and I founded my own NGOs, and I made a best... I was just working even harder because I was embracing it so much, having this superhero cape on me. And it was from passion. And later on, my son, he was seven at the time, and there was an accident in school, and he had a head injury. And we found ourselves in hospital corridors, and it was rehabilitation for months and even years. And everything stopped. I just had to focus on being the primary caretaker, and it was the middle of COVID. It was like a total exception all over the world. And after that, after it calmed down, he became better, and now he's doing fine, and we still pinch ourselves in gratitude. And as he grew better, I found myself spiraling down in burnout.

And I didn't know. I didn't... Well, I did know, but I didn't recognize it in myself. And that's why I'm so happy to be here and talk about burnout, the stages, the signs to look for, and how to implement micro moments into your day. And at the end of the podcast, I'm going to give you a quick five-minute meditation.

 I am making this podcast for you and also for the version of me a few years ago that I wish I had this information. It's about polyvagal theory it's about nervous system regulation, how our nervous system works, why it's so important to tend to the nervous system and most importantly how to regulate during times during the day even when you have a busy schedule with a quote saying some of us never found time to be happy because we were too busy trying to be strong. Ah it hit me when I read it and sometimes strong and trying to be even stronger won't cut it. Sometimes it’s releasing the grip, releasing control and relax and that is a nose diving into self-expression this is not the luxury, is crucial. 

So, let's dive into understanding your nervous system think of it as your body's internal control center. Imagine your nervous system as a car with two gears, your sympathetic nervous system is like a gas pedal and it gets us moving, ready for action, perfect for emergency. Your parasympathetic system is your brake, helping you rest, digest and restore. And, here’s the thing, our modern world keeps us stuck in the gas pedal. It's constant emails, notifications, deadlines, urban chaos, trigger body into thinking we're always in danger. Your body can't tell the difference between a lion chasing you and a stressful work email. 

It responds the same way, elevated heart rate and shallow breathing and tense muscles. 

Stephen Porges polyvagal theory revolutionize how we understand our stress responses instead of just fight or flight versus rest and digest we actually have three distinct circuits and I’ve been working for mental health of 20 years and when I started applying this framework it came quicker, because my patient could easier understand what is going on in the body. And no matter the diagnosis anxiety, depression, autoimmune systems, or I meant autoimmune diseases, or different traumas, no matter what, what you've been through your task is your nervous system and strengthen your vagus nerve. 

I work in community mental health and we use the Stephen Porges Therapeutic Window, we call it, it's a window within that window, you are happy, content everything's fine, you're relaxed, you trust and you engage with others. You are curious. You're happy when in the top part of the window of tolerance. We have the danger response when we feel triggered. You are in a hyper-vigilant mind when you can't sleep, monitoring your child's breathing, watching for signs of meltdown or rushing to the emergency room and none of us mums, parents of children with special needs, live in this upper part of the tolerance window every day and that's why it's so crucial to learn more about this and learn how you can unwind and be even better to unwind.  

The lower parts of that window we have life threats. The response might show up when you're completely overwhelmed. Those moments when you just shut down, when one more form to fill out feels impossible, when you just can't face another fight with the insurance. 

So, to recap, in the middle you have the part where you feel engaged, you feel creative, you feel relaxed, and you feel that you are in control. In the upper part of this window the hypo aroused state it's where we feel that we need to work even harder and we try to micromanage and over plan and we find it so hard to sit still. Many of us buy into the illusion that we have to work this hard to make everything okay. We're stuck on on, and that takes its toll on the body when you're on this state for a long period of time. And learning, teaching yourself that it's okay to let go. It's okay to take a deep breath. 

And I’ll go into how we can do that. How you can incorporate those tiny moments of ease. The lower part of the window is hypo aroused. When everything is slower you forget important medication. You feel emotionally numb. You move slowly like you're underwater and maybe you're staring blankly out. And that is shut down, the mode of chronic overwhelm, and it's difficult to make simple decisions. And then when the middle part, the okay that is supposed to be your tolerance window is so thin you can ping-pong between the hypo and the hyper arouse states and its nervous system. It's like it can't find its rhythm after prolonged stress. These nervous system reactions in your body, is doing exactly what it's designed to do. Think of it's like your personal security system and sometimes it's a bit too good at its job. So, a normal activation response when you feel your heart is racing and you get sweaty palms, a churning stomach or you zone out so not during overwhelm. And this is not a weakness, it's your ancestors survival system it's doing its job. And normal recovery patterns after activation is completely normal to just have a quiet time after social events, that you feel tired after emotional conversation, and that you want to move or shake after a stressful situation. 

And you crave comfort food or connection so your system can process and reset. And everyone feels days where everything feels too much. Periods where you feel wired and tired. Times where you just, just can't calm down and moments of freeze or overwhelm. And some days your coping tools can work better than others and regulation it's not a linear process. And old patterns can come back, can emerge when you feel stress. And different situations need different tools. And guys, the goal is to, is not to never get this dysregulated, it's to understand and work with your system rather against it. And this knowledge I knew but I did not apply it to myself. I did not recognize my own signs of stress. I just thought I had to endure. I just thought I had to just pound on, and then later, when I felt really off, I just fantasized of getting to an island and having no one bother me. And that's why it's so crucial and maybe you've heard this many times before the key is to internalize it, to apply it. 

Right now, where are you? How do you feel? Close your eyes if you might. What does your body tell you? Does it feel like it's like vibrating? Does it feel like you're spinning? Do you feel totally numb? There was a time for me where I didn’t feel I had the luxury to just stop and have some time for myself. There were other times that I didn't dare to slow down because I didn't know how I would react. Would it just flow and flood into a pool of great sadness because there was so much emotion being bottled-up, and being busy felt productive and being on was a way for me to handle. If I’d stopped and started to process some of the emotion, my stress level would have gone down, a lot, and I would be more present during those hard times. 

So, the path from wired to peaceful, it isn't about doing more, being more, it's actually about doing less and being more present. And, it's daring to trade perfectionism with good enough. And it's daring to swap constant doing for mindful being. It’s releasing that superhero cape of yours and let that go for real connections. Like, you can't sleep off exhaustion. It’s like your internal battery has forgotten how to charge and that’s why you're not weak and a rest it's not enough. You need to rewire your system, and that is done choice, by choice, habit by habit, every day. And someone might say “but my child needs me on all the time”. Well the child needs you to be real more than they need you to be perfect. How does that look for you? And the journey from being wired and burned out to genuinely happy, it's not a sprint but it's like learning to dance. Sometimes a step forward, sometimes a step back, and we stumble, but each step, each small choice to pause, to breathe, to be present, that's where the real healing begins. 

Tell me what are your signs of hyper arousal? How do you know that you're like super on? Maybe you swear, maybe you're like me and when angry you clean. Angry, tidy the house in order to try to feel more in control. So, night is like, what is your signs and maybe ask those people around you, your loved ones sometimes they see it way before you do, and give them the permission for them to say “now go and breathe some, get a time out”.

Because sometimes when we're on and people try to ask us to calm down, we can respond by being even more angry, more on. By giving others around us permission to say stop, go and do what you need to do. 

So, we're aiming for to strengthening our vagus nerve. Think of it's like it's the body's natural calming superhighway. It starts in your brain and it winds through your body like a wanderer messenger and it connects to your heart, to your lungs, gut, and other vital organs. And it's activated, you're strengthening your vagus nerve through actions like deep breathing, humming or cold water in your face. And it serves as a body's brake pedal slowing your heart rate and it's deepening your breath and helping you feel safe and grounded. 

So just as a master switch controls multiple rooms in a house, your vagus nerve influences multiple functions from digestion and heart rate to emotion and stress response. Your vagus nerve is always working behind the scenes like a watchful guardian, but its strength, called vagotone, can be improved through simple daily practices like conscious breathing, humming, social connection. And its fascinating things that about the vagus nerve it works both ways. It tells your brain about your body state and tells your body how to respond to your brain signal, creating a conscious feedback loop of regulation. 

One of my favorite breathing exercises is four, four, four breaths. It's a 60 second reset you can do throughout the day and it's breathing in for four (seconds) like smelling a lovely flower, and then hold your breath for four seconds like holding a precious moment and then out for four seconds, like your cooling hot soup. By only doing this once, you're giving your nervous system a minivacation. And then after once, you might feel you want to do another round. By doing exercises like this you’re calming yourself down. But we are people with, with, we’re just like peabags, we're, we're infusing each other. So, by calming yourself, you’re also setting an example for those around you, and you help others calm themselves. So try that out, breathe in for four, hold for four, and out for four. 

Another one is kitchen sink mindfulness. Remember I was angry tidying and angry cleaning? I had to teach myself to slow down and when I did, calm follows. Kitchen sink mindfulness is just being with the activity that you most likely do several times a day. Feel the temperature on your hands and watch the bubbles. You are not just washing the dishes; you are washing away tension. So, having these micro moments of mindfulness. Mindfulness is just a moment between a moment. You're not just rushing from things to think and just to get them done, and then you can move on to the next to do. By stopping and having these micro mindful moments you are teaching your nervous system to calm down during the day. Use the kitchen sink or maybe each time you wash your hands in the bathroom, buy a soap that you feel is really luxury. Smell the soap on your hand and slowly lather it, and then feel the temperature on your hands while you wash your hands. If you incorporate these things to your daily life, the things that you're already doing, you are increasing the chance for actually doing it, and you also are helping your, strengthening your vagus nerve. 

And last, there are many, many ways to strengthening your vagus nerve and to calm down. You find your tool. This is just one of my favorite ones. But just do me a favor: one tool at a time and practice it again and again and again until it just feels natural. And lastly, this type of exercise is the one that has really saved me. It's about self-expression. So much for others can feel that you eradicate yourself. One time you might feel that you don't have time to be happy and do things that brings you joy. And for me, there was, when the worst part was over, I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what brings me joy. I didn't know how to be happy. Please make a daily habit of self-express. And that looks so different for us all. It could be just doodling, drawing, painting, dancing, singing, whatever it looks like for you. And you can do those things during a stressful day. Make room for it. It's like making room for personal hygiene. You need to make room for self-expression. Maybe you have like five minutes during screen time---start there. 

And teach those around you. Those five minutes or ten minutes maybe you can even do a half an hour. And that is your time. Have a dedicated space for you to just jump into your own projects. Have this sketchbook open up and the pen is ready so when your five minutes starts you can just jump in. And doing journaling about feelings can shift you from fight of flight to safety, and art making provides a container for processing difficult emotion. Body-based expressions like dance movement speaks directly to your nervous system. So go find your way to express yourself. Maybe you had an interest from long ago that you would like to pick up, make it a commitment. Commit to make this a habit every single day even for just five minutes. Commit to it like your life depends on it and it does, because you're meant to thrive you're meant to be happy and have joy and not just survive.

That’s it for today. We're going to wrap up with a short meditation. I wish you all the best. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to reach out. I also made a handout for you that is accessible in the show notes. Thank you so much for your time. 

(I will guide) you through this gentle five-minute body scan meditation. Get into a comfortable position, either sitting or lying down. And for reference, before we start, tell me how stressed you feel now? One is okay and five is very stressed. Begin by taking three deep breaths……….in your nose….and out your mouth. Close your eyes gently and imagine your surrounded by a soft protective bubble of warm healing light. This is your safe space.

Take a deep breath in and out and let each breath deepen your relaxation. Start at the crown of your head, feel a warm golden light gently touching your skull, moving down to your forehead release any tension there. The warm flows to your face, relaxing your jaw, your cheeks, and your throat. Down to your shoulders, feel them softening any stress, just melting away. The peaceful energy moves through your arms, your elbows, wrist and fingertips, just feel them become light and relaxed. Your chest fills with calm healing energy with each breath. Your back muscles softening. Your warm light flows through your stomach your lower back and bringing deep peace. Moving through your hips and thighs knees feeling heavier and more relaxed. The calming energy reaches your calves ankles feet right to your toes. Your entire body is enveloping this peaceful protective bubble, safe, recharged. Take a moment to feel this complete relaxation. This is your space of perfect peace. Take two more deep breaths, feeling refreshed, feeling renewed. And when you're ready and when you're ready, gently wiggle your fingers and toes and slowly open your eyes.

Welcome back feeling recharged and at peace!

Amazing! Absolutely amazing, and thank you so much for the reminder about the polyvagal theory, about why our nervous system needs to be regulated, why it's so crucial. Because you know you hear about children needing to be regulated, but we as moms, parents, we need to be regulated as well because if we're not regulated we're just going to escalate our child and so then we've got a house full of people that are not regulated. So, I do love the fact that you've brought that up and reminded us how important that is for us to be regulated. And thank you for sharing the tools with how we can regulate ourselves. And I so love that it's micro things! You don't have to set aside a whole hour. You can do this in minutes, like seconds, as you go through your day as things come up. So thank you so, so much for sharing with us, and audience, I am hoping you took notes! You can always relisten to the podcast too, but do take to heart what June has been sharing with us because we need to be the best version of ourselves, not just for our kids, but for us too!

Lovely! To implement what we cover today, I have a free resource in the show notes.

Awesome! Don't forget to check on that and also, June, I just want to say thank you so much it's been a pleasure again to meet with you and to share with you, and thank you for sharing your knowledge and your heart with us! We really, really appreciate it! Thank you so much!

Thank you.

All right audience, remember to Live with Intention - Embrace the Journey!