Planning a Forever Home: Turning Fear into Hope with Angela O'Brien

This week's guest is Angela O’Brien a mom of 2, professional organizer, Enneagram coach, and host of the podcast, Especially Organized: Sensible Solutions for Special Needs Moms. 

After spending 18 years raising her kids and advocating for her daughter who has Down Syndrome, Angela took her love of home organizing and turned it into a business where she speaks to and coaches fellow special needs moms through their clutter so that they can reclaim the space, freedom, and energy to do what they love. She especially enjoys speaking to them weekly through her podcast, providing tips, resources, and encouragement along the way.  Angela lives in Dallas, TX with her husband and daughter and is constantly trying to find her way to a beach

Episode Summary: In this episode of Forever Home for Our Kids with Disabilities, we explore the emotional and practical journey of planning a forever home for your child with disabilities. Many parents feel overwhelmed by the thought of their child’s future, especially when considering where they will live and who will care for them. Today, we discuss the fears, challenges, and the transformative mindset shift that can turn uncertainty into hope.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• The common fears parents face when thinking about their child’s long-term housing and care.
• The importance of taking the first step, even when it feels overwhelming.
• How to shift from a fear-based mindset to one of hope and proactive planning.
• Practical strategies for creating a roadmap for your child’s forever home.
• Real-life examples of families who have taken steps toward securing a bright future for their child.

Key Takeaways:

• It’s okay to feel scared, but don’t let fear paralyze you. Taking even small steps toward planning can bring peace of mind.
• Your child’s forever home can be a place where they thrive, not just survive.
• Building a supportive community and seeking expert guidance can make the process less daunting.
• You are not alone—other families have walked this path, and their stories can inspire you to take action.

Join the Conversation: We’d love to hear your thoughts! Share your biggest takeaways from this episode on social media or send us a message.

Subscribe & Review: If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe and leave a review! Your support helps us reach more families who need guidance and encouragement on this journey.

Keep building your child’s future

Live with Intention – Embrace the Journey

Connect with Angela:

Website: https://yourspacereclaimed.net/

Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/yourspacereclaimed/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/yourspacereclaimed

Connect with me:

hello@hello.coachingwithvalerieanne.com 

Music Acknowledgement: Audio Coffee - Denys Kyshchuk

Editor: Scott Arbeau

Link for book: The S.H.I.N.E. Principle: The special needs mom's path to strength, hope and happiness by Valerie Arbeau

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B0CW18ZXGX (Canada)

https://a.co/d/03hFdZI4 (United States)

Learn more about your host at:
https://coachingwithvalerieanne.com/

Transcript

Like you've done, you have to look at what your child needs and then what's out there. And if not, like, okay, maybe we can create it, right? We're not at that point yet. We've thought, thought about that. We're trying to see if we could do something where she lives in a place like Daymark part-time, you know, or do something like that, that would be ideal for her, but that's where we are.

Hello and welcome to Forever Home for our Kids with Disabilities. I'm Valerie, mom to two with disabilities, one visible, one invisible. 

Today I have my special guest, Angela O'Brien, who has been a previous guest on my show. Angela is a mum-to-two professional organizer, enneagram coach, and host of the podcast, especially organized, Sensible Solutions for Special Needs Mums.

After spending 18 years raising her kids and advocating for her daughter with Down Syndrome, Angela took her love of home organizing and turned it into a business where she speaks to and coaches fellow special needs mums through their clutter so that they can reclaim their space, freedom, and energy to do what they love.

She especially enjoys speaking to them weekly through her podcast, providing tips, resources, and encouragement along the way. Angela lives in Dallas, Texas with her husband, and daughter, and is constantly trying to find her way to the beach.

That's for sure. 

Welcome, Angela. Hi, Valerie, thank you for having me.

You're so welcome. I so enjoy your company, and it's just great to have you back on my show. So thank you for coming back to help us out. So tell us a little about your special needs mum journey.

Yeah, so well, it started, I guess, 21 years ago, the day that my daughter was born. And we found out that day that she had Down Syndrome. We were not aware of that prior to her birth. And I was completely uneducated and just unaware of what it was like to live with disability, to raise kids with disabilities. And so I had a lot of fear. I had a lot of depression. I had a lot of sadness and grief in those first few months.

I just really, it was all based on the fact that I was so uneducated and just had not spent time around people with disabilities. And so a few months into that, I was lucky to meet with a mom who invited me to her son's 8th grade birthday party, and he had Down Syndrome. And I carried my little daughter in her little car seat and I walked in and there were all these kids playing and having fun and singing happy birthday to him and enjoying him. And I was like, Oh, okay, I think I can, you know, I started to kind of re-imagine what our life could be like. And with and a few other moms who were a little bit further on the journey, that really started kind of me turning that corner and starting to kind of think about, Oh, okay, so we can do this. Like our life can be good. And so since then, I've been a big advocate for the Down Syndrome community and both locally and lately more nationally. And I, yeah, I just, I think she has impacted our life so much. I don't know what my life would be like without her, actually. I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing. I wouldn't be talking to you. My husband wouldn't be involved in his business. He met his business partner through Special Olympics of all things because his business partner has a daughter with Down Syndrome. So our lives have been completely turned upside down in the best way. And we're grateful to have her in our life, actually.

Oh, wow. What a beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing that. Wow. So 21, your daughter’s 21? Don't think you just fly by? 

Yeah, I can't believe it.

I know! Mine are 22 and 19 and it's just like, wow. It just seemed like yesterday that, you say, you're bringing them home as babes in arms.

And yeah, just so much has happened. And like you, it's been a blessing to have them. And I too had not spent a whole lot of time around people with special needs. I had, as a physiotherapist, because that's my vocation, I had done a placement, I remember, as a student working with children at a facility, kind of like a hospital for people with special needs. And I remember thinking, wow, this is pretty cool. Like I actually enjoyed it and I really enjoyed being with them and encouraging them and helping them with their stretches and all this kind of stuff. Little did I know this was going to be part of my life. 

Isn't that wild? 

Part of my life.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. That's awesome.

So when did it occur to you, Angie, that you needed to start planning for the future for your daughter?

Well, there's a part of me that it really was on day one because I liked to plan. But it was so overwhelming, you couldn't think about it. Right. And I also too remember some of the people in my life early on in her, you know when she was just a baby, we like we would reach out to the Down syndrome organizations and all that. And they were like, look, don't think too far ahead. Just, you know, like you just want to get your feet under you. You just want to like start to kind of, you know, just start with therapy right now. And so that kind of, I think, was actually good advice for us. Like just to, you know, if you're feeling overwhelmed, then it's, I think, really important just to focus on the now and focus on getting your, you know, just getting things settled to a point where you're like, OK, I can make it through the day. I can enjoy my daughter and, you know, all of those things. I think we've always kind of had it in the back of our mind, you know, always thought, thought about what options we would have. And of course, 21 years ago, the options that we had back then are nothing compared to the options that we have now. There's still a long way to go, but we do have some options for our kids. And so, again, that's another reason why, you know, if you have a tiny baby at home and you're listening to this, like, don't stress about it too much because things are going to change 18 years from now.

Yeah.

But I think, you know, and we went through periods where I thought, oh, it'll be so, you know, at first I was like, oh, we'll never be empty nesters. And then I was like, no, I want her to live with me, you know, and like I went through that period and now I'm back. I'm like, no, I'd rather not live with us full time. I think that she and I are both better, especially her, she is more independent when she is not around me. And, you know, we've learned that through the experiences that we've had. And so I think, you know, maybe even like when she was in middle school, we were elementary school, you know, we're constantly just like, okay, let's see what she can do. Right. Like the more, the more opportunities we give her then, the more opportunities for independence she has later. And so, you know, we would send her, she wanted to go, we would send her to overnight camps to, you know, for special needs kids so that she could have that experience. Now she wanted to, some kids don't. So that was relatively easy for us.

And we have, you know, just always kind of tried to interact with our other special needs parents that we've gotten to know, like, what are your plans? What are you hearing? All of those things. We're constantly kind of taking notes and comparing information and just sharing information with each other on what options are out there. And so as she's gotten older, we have, you know, started to look into those, obviously she's 21. So we're, we're there. She's in a school that will graduate her next year in 2026. So she can go to school until she's 22. 

Wow. 

So, so we've, we've been able to put it off a little bit.

But we have been really talking about for several years now, what will come after that. And we do have, we are fortunate. I feel like in Texas, we have some options where we live and we have been exploring those.

I will say it is difficult because she is, she's, she says that she doesn't want to live away from home. But I do think that when she does those times that she has, she thrives and she does, I mean, like she comes home and like, who are you? You know, so I know that that's a, that could be a positive thing. And so we're just, we, you know, we've been thinking in the back of our mind forever. And we're just now, you know, we all along the way, we've always been kind of, well, just investigating what options could be out there, you know, and that's where we are now. So… 

Okay.

And I love that you have been thinking about it, but also investigating. Because often we can think about it and it just stays there. 

Right. 

You don't go any further. So I love that you've been taking the time to kind of investigate and see what options you have out there. And I love it that you have options where you live in Texas, because I know that there are people probably listening that don't have a huge amount of options at this point. And you're so right when your little one was not so little 21 when she was a baby, it probably wasn't sort of, you know, okay, this is what we're going to do. And as you say, there probably weren't as many options back then. And when I think about when my baby was born, same as you, I can guess I'm going to be taken care of her until I die, right? There was, it wasn't a thought for me to have my daughter move out and not live with me. And I was, as you were mentioning about your daughter, sort of saying, well, I'm not sure that I want to live apart from you, mom.

Yeah. That's, that's been her most recent things, you know, that she's saying. But it was interesting, we were on vacation last week and we were out to dinner one night having a good time. And we were talking about, you know, we're trying to get her psyched up for graduation and psyched up. What do you, you know, we have some options, but what do you want to do? And first of all, she loves school so much. So she's, she's excited about graduation, but she's not excited about leaving school. But we're trying to like kind of get her hyped up about some of her options. And it did, we did, we were able to kind of almost come to an agreement that night. She was like, well, yeah, I could live somewhere else for a while for part of the year or something. And then also live at home for part of the year. And we thought, well, that would be like, if we could find something like that, that would be wonderful. And, we are, we're, we're, are looking into something like that, you know, maybe not for the next couple of years, but eventually, you know, maybe when she's 25 or 30. But, but it was, it was like, she was like, oh yeah, I could probably do that. You know, it was, I think that part of it is we, you know, because she's might not be aware of what's out there. It's hard for her to say, well, it's hard for us to ask her the question. What do you, what do you want to do? You know, like she's not able to answer that. So we have to kind of give her some ideas. She's verbal. And so she's able to kind of tell us some things, right? But not everything that's going on in there. And we've had to kind of, you know, introduce her to some options and say, Hey, check out what so and so is doing or Hey, look at this over here, you know, so giving her some ideas so that she can say yes or no. Or, you know, give us some indication that that's something that she would like. And then we investigate it further. So that's what's been going on lately. 

Okay. Love it. Well, I love it that she's come to the place where she's kind of negotiating with you. Well, I can live at home for a little bit. And maybe I could live somewhere else. So what are the somewhere else's that you and your husband have been investigating for your daughter?

So, I think our first plan after she graduates is a program here in Dallas. Luckily, it's a day program. So she would live at home with us and she would attend this day program for adults with intellectual disabilities. And, they have a good mix of social and social opportunities and job opportunities, that kind of thing. They're still kind of learning. And she knows some of the young adults there. So I think that that would be a good next step for her. A good, you know, comfortable step where she would feel like she's making progress. But, you know, moving beyond school.

And then some of the other things that we've been doing is, there is a program, I think I've mentioned it to you before, offline, but it's, it's actually a living community outside of Dallas here called Daymark Living. I've had them on the podcast, on my podcast. They can house, I think about 200 individuals with intellectual disabilities and neurodivergence. And they’re relatively new, maybe seven or eight years old. But they have cottages on campus. They are in a small town outside of Dallas where the town knows them well, they have, they can have jobs if that's what they would like in town. They have transportation to and from town. And they have classes. So it's like kind of being on campus and going to college. And they've had opportunities where they had a couple camps there over the summer and she was able to attend the last couple years.

So that was a good introduction for her. And it was really helpful for us to kind of see what things we needed to work on, what skills we needed to work on. So bed making, doing laundry, making sure that our personal hygiene is working. Like this is a tiny example, but I think that this is very representative of some of the things that tend to happen is, you know, she's relatively independent and able to handle her personal hygiene. But I sent, when she went off to camp, I sent one of those pump bottles of shampoo that had not been opened yet. It had been, it was locked, you know, because it was brand new. Well, it came home locked. She didn't know how to open it and she never asked anyone. And so I think she washed her hair with body wash the entire three weeks. And so very simple things like that. Changing the toilet paper, you know, roll, you know, those kinds of things. Like there were just simple things that I would have never thought about because when she's living at home, it's just kind of one of those things where you would naturally do it. And you don't really think, oh, she needs to be able to learn this herself, you know? And so, you don't have opportunities. You don't realize the opportunities you have to teach them those things. And so, that has been helpful for us to have some kind of like trial runs. And so last summer she spent a month there not at camp just living there. And again, it was the same thing. Like we had to practice laundry. We're like, okay, we had a little issue with laundry. And so I was able to help her get through that. We had a little issue with, like she couldn't get the cold water or couldn't get the hot water on for an hour. It turned out that it was an issue that wasn't her problem. It was, there was no hot water. And so getting her to advocate and go tell someone that, you know, like let someone know. So those kinds of things we've had to work on. And so, that is an option for, we hope, that is an option for the future. And then there are also some other programs kind of in this southern part of Texas that we're looking into, but they don't have openings. You know, that's part of the problem. Like the demand is outstripping the supply.

So, that is what we're looking at.

And then there's also one other program that I don't know if we'll consider, but several of her friends are. And it's called “My Possibilities”. And it's here in Texas also. And it’s like a college campus. They don't have dorms or living situations there yet, but they're working on it. But they have classes from like eight to six actually. And they're on campus all day and they rotate and they go around to different classes. I mean, it's a huge campus and it's beautiful and they are working on building it, building it out so that there are dorms and you know, those kinds of things. So, so, I mean, none of that existed, you know, when she was born, right? And so we're glad for some of those opportunities.

Like you've done, you have to look at what your child needs and then what's out there. And if not, like, okay, maybe we can create it, right? We're not at that point yet. We've thought about that. We're trying to see if we could do something where she lives in a place like Daymark part-time, you know, or do something like that, that would be ideal for her, but that's where we are.

Yeah. Wow. Well, love that. So just going back to Daymark,

So is that an all year-round thing? So, if your daughter wants to go there, she would be able to go there.

Well, ideally, yes. Now, because they still have openings, she can go for the month of June. She's going to go for the month of June, actually. And so she's very excited about that, you know, and I think because she, she loves to go and have her independence, but she also knows she gets to come home and see mom and birthdays and things like that. And I think that's, again, just kind of…

You know, one of the things that I think that Mike and I have, my husband and I have realized is we do, we don't want her too far away. But that doesn't mean that that wouldn't happen. I know that there is another, another program in Kentucky that her best friend is at. And she is thriving. I mean, she is like loving it, but it is far for her parents and it would be far for us. And so we haven't quite made the leap that, oh, maybe we'll, we have plans to go check her, check it out and go see her. But there is this part of me that's like, oh, that's really far. Like if something, you know, she's sick or there's an issue, it's really far, it's hard to get to her. So that's a hurdle that we've, we've had. But, I know that there are others out there that, you know, my, her best friend is thriving like crazy. She's doing great. And she's far from her parents and she's, you know, it's working out. So, so I know it's possible, but, yeah.

Yeah. Can you tell us can you tell us a little bit about that program in Kentucky?

Yeah, yeah. It's called Stuart. I'm not sure if it's S-T-E-W-A-R-T or S-T-U-A-R-T. But it has been around for a long, long, long time. And, my gosh, my, my sweet friend's daughter is really thriving. They, they are in more of a dorm situation where Daymark has more of a cottage situation. And, I think that the dorms actually are working out really well for her friend because they have a little bit more supervision. They all eat together in that dorm and then they go to classes during the day and they have activities and, you know, they go to the gym every day. I mean, she's done so amazing. Yeah, she's really thrived. And she loves it so much that, you know, they brought her home for spring break. They live in Florida now and they brought her home for spring break. And she's like, when am I going back? Like, I'm, I'm ready to go back, you know. So, because she has friends there and she has, you know, she's also a lot more extroverted than my daughter. So I think that's been a really good thing. And they, and then they also, that is a situation where like they do their laundry and kind of help them keep their room clean. So, they have a little bit more hands on than say a Daymark living would, which I think, I think would actually be good for some of our kids. So, anyway, so that is an option in, in Kentucky.

But it, you know, it's a little bit harder to get to for some of us. I think it's like in between. I think it's in Frankfurt or there's like, it's a smaller town in Kentucky, but you know, there's like a, a questry. I mean, they can ride horses. It's, it's on a farm. It's beautiful. It's supposed to be really beautiful. So… 

Wow!

So yeah, yeah.

I know. I know. I know. I know. There's more. I know there's more. I know there's some in New York. I don't know about them. And, you know, there's some down in South, South Texas. I think Marbridge is one and a couple others. So, I haven't done enough investigating to know enough to talk about them intelligently.

No worries. But at least you know that they're out there. And so again, just giving our audience an opportunity to kind of Google, right? Thank goodness for Google.

Yes, exactly. Yes, exactly. Yeah. And the other thing I'll bring up too, that I've been a part of lately is something called Ruby's Rainbow. And that is specifically for people with Down syndrome, but they provide scholarships to people with Down syndrome to go to college and pursue their post-secondary educational goals. And they, there is a website, I think it's called Thinkcollege.net and you can go to that website and there are college programs out there. I think there's like over 300 college programs out there for people with intellectual disabilities. And so that is also an option that you can start to, you know, think of and look at. That hasn't been something that Casey has really expressed an interest in, in, you know, going away. But, we're just kind of starting to consider that, you know, so maybe in a couple years if she would like to try something like that. But that would be more of a short term, like, you know, two to four years, you know, versus something longer term. Wouldn't be your forever, forever home. So..

Right. Right. Wow. And are you foreseeing Casey being able to work at some point? Is that a goal for your family just to kind of help prepare her to be, to be able to go into the workforce?

So yes, the short answer is yes. The longer answer is that she actually is already doing some work, which I love. Her school program now has a woman that is the employment coordinator in terms of she works with outside employers in the Dallas area to help find job opportunities for our kids. And one of the great things about my daughter's school right now, she's in the vocational program. So every day she is at a job site. And then she comes back, and that's in the morning. And then she comes back and she does, they have classes in the afternoon and then they come home. And so they have lots of connections, lots of opportunities for job, you know, to learn job skills while they're in school. And then on top of that, this particular employment coordinator loves to bake. And so she wanted to start a cookie club with the kids with disabilities in her in, her school.

So she just threw out a memo like I'd love to do cookie club on Thursday afternoon. So many people wanted to do it and then people wanted to start ordering cookies and she was like, okay. And so now it's turned into a business, actually like a true business. And she

has started hiring Casey to, Casey was her first employee, and she has started hiring Casey. And so every once in a while, Casey will meet up on the weekend and cook for her.

She will, they’ll have like little pop ups at markets, you know, outdoor markets and stuff. And Casey will go and help sell cookies and she knows how to use, you know, an iPad to swipe a card and, you know, learned all about that. So it's been a really positive experience for Casey. She gets so much enjoyment out of it. And so that's been, between that and then her job sites at school, she has had some job experience. So I would love no matter what, where she goes or what she does to, to be able to have some sort of job. If that, you know, if that would work out, I think that would great. It would probably have to be part time given the way the US and our supplemental security, you know, all of that, you know, like she wouldn't be able, we need her to be able to get health insurance through Medicaid and all that. So, yeah. And unfortunately, this system is set up so that if they work full time, then it's very hard to qualify for those benefits. And she has, you know, and I don't know if the, if her job opportunities would allow for, healthcare through her job, right? And that's, that's our, that's our main goal. So, we just need to make sure that she has healthcare. So, if it works out that she is able to work, then absolutely, we would love for her to be able to work and do something like she loves to bake, she loves to, and not necessarily like in a vet clinic because she loves puppies, she loves animals, you know, that kind of thing. So, so yeah, we're just trying to kind of, you know, just show her some different opportunities.

And then school has been a good, good place for that too. She's had a lot of good opportunities there. So, yeah. Sounds like you've got quite the future planned for your daughter. So if we were to kind of just put it in a nutshell, what would you say that you're hoping for Casey?

I want her to be set up and as independent as possible. I know that she is not going to be able to completely live on her own, you know, especially after we're gone. I, I, like, I just know that about her. She's going to need some support and that's okay. And I want her to be set up so that she feels like she is a part of a community and that she's contributing to that in some way and that she feels a sense of belonging. And, also to, I want her in a situation so that if and when something happens to Mike and me, she is not, her whole life isn't being upended, along with dealing with the grief of losing her parents. Right. And so that is one of the reasons that Mike and I are like, okay, we need something we need, we need her to have a place, a community that, where she is, she can either move in permanently, you know, or full time, but she is familiar. She knows she has a sense of belonging there and, that she can find a way to move on without us.

She has an older brother, my son, he is out in the working world and traveling all over. He's, you know, he's being an adult and working hard, but I know eventually he wants to come back and be closer to her. But for the next decade or so, who knows where he’s going to be, but he will be her guardian after we're gone. And so, and he knows that he's very responsible, but we've said like, it won't be your responsibility to take her in. Right. We don't want to put that burden on you, but you will be responsible, you know, just to make sure that she's cared for. And so we would love to be able to set, have that set up in place so that he, that burden is not on him as well. And, so it, you know, it affects the whole family. But, yeah, I just, I want both of them set up, you know, for that. And so that they can enjoy each other's company and be together, but not, you know, him be her primary caregiver.

 Yes.

Similar with us too. So we have two, as you know, two, two children. And that was our thing as well. My husband and I don't have any family living close by mine or all in England. And my husband, Scott, his are scattered across the country of Canada. And so similar sort of thing. It's like, I don't want my youngest to feel the burden of taking care of their sibling. So Scott and I, same thing, wanted to just have Melody-Anne set up so that if anything happened to us, and you just, you don't know in this day and age, right? Anything could happen. Right. We have, my husband just lost a colleague and she wasn't that old. And so it's just, you know, when it's your peers and then a good, good friends of ours, the wife just lost her brother. He was just going to be turning 70, was going to be retiring at the end of this month and just, just drop dead. Just died.

Oh, yeah. I know you don't ever know when it's going to happen.

Right. So just being prepared and not being prepared is a huge stress. I can say for myself, it's been a huge stress for me as a parent, trying to find a guardian and a trustee who would be able to take over from us, you know, should anything happen to us. Like it was years before we actually could come up with someone and feel comfortable. And so getting Melody-Anne set up in her forever home has been such a gift to Scott and I and to our youngest as well. Because now I know that if anything happens to us, her life will continue on because she's living with two other young ladies. We have staff that know her well, that have been working with her for years, that understand her idiosyncrasies, know how to work with her. And so it's just been so much of a relief for us to know that her life is going to continue and she will still enjoy life, even if we're not here.

Yeah, that peace of mind, right? And I know so many, you know, I'm in kind of Facebook groups for people to, you know, people who are caring for kids with disabilities and there are so many that I hear from that are, it's so overwhelming and scary. They don’t want to think about it, or talk about it, or plan for it. I get it, it is scary and overwhelming. And, I think that we need to be having those conversations and we need to be normalizing those conversations, normalizing, talking about death, honestly. And even in my own family, we lost my aunt a year and a half ago. And it was, it was really hard for our whole entire family. She was not married, she didn't have kids. And so like we were her family, we were with her a lot. And, it really opened up my own family's communication because we were all like, well, we got to talk about this. What are we doing? You know, what happens? Like what do you want? And, and I think we have as, we have an extra challenge as special needs parents that we really do have to make sure that we are planning for our kids. So that, Obviously they're going to be sad when we're gone. But I really don't want to have to upend her life and have them try to navigate a whole new normal after we're gone so suddenly.

And I've talked to one of the staff at Daymark about this. It was on my podcast. She says that, you know, it's, she said it's so much easier if you can do that transition in a calmer or less stressed state, then, you know. She'll get calls, so and so's parents have died and we need her to, you know, come to Daymark. And it's stressful. They're already grieving, you know, they're, you don't know how they're going to respond. And, and so I would love to avoid that for my daughter. And I, I do, I do share that with others just that we've got to be able to start talking about it and normalizing that conversation and so that we are more prepared. And it just does give us peace of mind when we do have that those things put in place for us. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's why I do what I do, Angela, because we were in a situation where it was crisis mode and we're trying to figure out the future care for our oldest child who is total care. And so trying to navigate that and trying to do what's best for the whole family was just a nightmare. Honestly, I can't, I don't even know how we got through it. And so part of my passion is, please don't put yourself in that position. Plan ahead. And as you say, start having the conversations. It doesn't mean to say you have to do something now. And the other thing I want to say to our audience today is it doesn't mean to say you're a bad parent just because you're starting to plan, just because you're having those thoughts. I don't feel that we're meant to care for our children until we die. And I know that's probably okay for some people. And for me, I initially, that's what I was going to do when my child was little. But like you, as they've matured and gotten older, it's like, you know what, they could have a life without me and probably do okay. And I just want to say, my daughter too is thriving. She's calling meetings with the house coordinator. She's trying to organize the staff to have her favorite staff on.

Awesome.

Right. It can be really a positive experience for our kids with special needs, right? For our young adults with special needs. Yes. 

Yes. 

And I think too, there's this, there's this thought, which I, I totally understand. And I do believe that no one else is going to care for our kids the way that we do. Right? That's true. No one else is going to care for our kids the way we do. But that doesn't mean that they can't receive good and positive care, right? Outside. And that there are other benefits that they can receive by being cared for by others besides their own parents. And so it's, it's that mindset adjustment that we have to make, right? 

Totally, totally. And I'm actually in process of writing another book. And that's one of the things that you just finished a chapter on that, where we're talking about that mindset shift. And instead of feeling like, well, as you say, nobody's going to care for my child the way I do, admit it, it's true. It totally is true. But you can orchestrate and architect, a care team and build a team that will care for your child to the best of their ability. And just opening up your mind to that possibility will allow you to help with that shift, so that you can kind of come at it from a different perspective.

Yeah, totally. That's awesome. 

All right. So just wrap up for us, Angela, where you are on your journey with Casey.

We are excited to, or she's excited, I should say, to graduate from school next year. In fact, we're already, she's all excited to invite all of her friends to her graduation party and all of that. And we have plans for her to go visit the next program. It's called STAR to go visit that facility and meet with the teacher. She knows some of the teachers there because it's,they came from her school.

To start kind of getting her ready for that. And then we were also taking opportunities for her to go see, you know, and have some time at DayMark because that probably is one of her future goals to live there. And then also just continuing to her, help her boss sell, you know, sell cookies and, and enjoy that when she can. And, and, you know, learn kind of the benefits of having a job and the responsibility and all of that. So we're trying to take it threefold

right now and, and just continue to ask her questions and continue to give her some options. “Oh, check this out. What do you think about this?” And just kind of have those conversations with her so that we can help her start to dream and craft her life the way that she wants it to be. Yeah.

Yeah. Love it. Thank you. Do you have any words of wisdom for our audience, Angela, before we close today?

 I would say, I would say, I think that it's really important for you to trust your gut, your instincts. And there are times in my daughter's life that I, I lost that a little bit. And then I had to come back to it. And, because I was listening to the others around me and the disability community that we're saying, Oh, you should be putting her in this, or you should be doing that. And I think that we really have to be listening to our own gut and in our own child. Like we, even if they're nonverbal, even if they have trouble communicating, we, there are ways for us to figure out what's best for our kids. And don't worry about what everybody else is saying, you know, if, if you know in your heart, what's right for your child, then that's what you should be doing. And that, that goes for school, healthcare, all of that, you know, so.

And yeah, I think, and then just continuing to maybe explore, just ask around, you know, talk to people and, and just get ideas, right? And read, you know. Google is our friend in those cases, you know, just check things out. And try to give them as much of an experience as possible so that we can help them kind of plan out their life.

And that I think that it can be really positive. Like if you're in a hard moment right now, we all go through those periods where we have, you know, tough times medically or socially or behaviorally or whatever. If you're in a hard moment right now, just know that, you know, hopefully that will, you can come out of it and, and start to dream again and then it will get better.

Yeah. Thank you so much, Angela. It's so good to see you again and have you on my show. It's great. Thank you for sharing your pearls of wisdom and your story. Really appreciate it. 

Thank you, Valerie. 

All right, audience. I just want you to remember, build your child's future and live with intention and embrace the journey.