Considerations when creating your child's forever home: Valerie poses 10 questions to ask yourself.

Episode Summary

A forever home isn’t just a physical space—it’s a lifelong foundation of love, care, and possibility. In this episode, host Valerie Arbeau, mom to two children with disabilities, author, and life coach, guides parents through the essential first steps in creating a secure and sustainable forever home for their child.

Through the analogy of building a house, Valerie walks listeners through ten guiding questions that help families think practically and compassionately about their child’s future—from location and independence to legal planning and continuity of care.

Key Topics Covered

1. Building a Strong Foundation
   • How planning a forever home is like building a house—every decision adds strength, structure, and purpose.
2. Safety and Comfort
   • Creating spaces that support physical, emotional, and sensory safety.
   • Reflection: What helps your child feel grounded and calm?
3. Independence and Support
   • Encouraging supported independence through tools, structure, and confidence.
   • Real-life examples of adaptive supports and gradual independence.
4. Choosing a Housing Model
   • Exploring options like shared living, supported apartments, or suites on family property.
   • Involving your child in decisions, no matter how they communicate.
5. Location and Belonging
   • Considering proximity to family, community, healthcare, and inclusive spaces.
   • Planting your child where they can grow and thrive.
6. Building a Support Network
   • Identifying family, friends, and community members who will walk alongside your child.
   • How to start gentle, future-focused conversations.
7. Financial Foundations
   • Understanding government supports, grants, trusts, and financial planning.
   • Why working with disability-informed professionals matters.
8. Daily Routines that Nurture Growth
   • Designing a rhythm of life that balances structure, joy, and rest.
9. Legal Considerations
   • Creating clarity around guardianship, power of attorney, and documentation.
   • Ensuring your child’s care continues seamlessly.
10. Continuity of Care

• Planning for your child’s future beyond your lifetime.
• Passing on your vision, values, and love with confidence and clarity.

Reflection Prompts

• What would make my child’s home feel like a sanctuary—for their body and heart?
• How can I gradually increase their independence with dignity?
• Who can I invite into our long-term circle of care?
• What legacy of love and security do I want to leave behind?

Key Takeaway

“You don’t need to have all the answers right now. With each question you ask and each decision you make, you’re laying the foundation for a future that will stand strong.”

Keep building your child’s future.

Live with Intention — Embrace the Journey.

Connect with Valerie

info@foreverhomeconsulting.ca

Music Acknowledgement: Audio Coffee - Denys Kyshchuk

Editor: Scott Arbeau

Link for book: The S.H.I.N.E. Principle: The special needs mom's path to strength, hope and happiness by Valerie Arbeau

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B0CW18ZXGX (Canada)

Learn more about your host at:
https://coachingwithvalerieanne.com/

Transcript

Considerations when creating your child's forever home: Valerie poses 10 questions to ask yourself

A Forever Home isn't just about the space, it's about crafting a future full of love, possibility, and care. You don't need to have all the answers right now, but with each question you ask, each decision you make, you're laying the foundation for a future that will stand strong.

How to Make a Forever Home for Kids with Disabilities 

Hello and welcome to Forever Home for our Kids with Disabilities. I'm Valerie, mum to two with disabilities, one visible, one invisible. I'm a life coach and an author.

This space has been created to help you navigate the journey of creating a secure, sustainable forever home for your child.

 We'll chat with parents on this path, realtors, financial planners, and other experts who can make the process easier.

 Why am I so passionate about this? Because seeing my eldest thrive living independent of us was a gift I didn't always know I could give.

 I want you to have the opportunity to explore giving that gift to your child.

 Hello and welcome to this episode today. I'm Valerie, your host, mum to two with disabilities, one visible, one invisible.

 Today we're going to be talking about building a foundation, a strong foundation for a forever home for our child with disabilities.

 So imagine you're building a house, one that will stand for years, maybe decades, and support your child in ways that are deeply meaningful.

 I invite you to consider each point that we discussed today, like you're laying down a different part of the foundation, the framing and structure of that house.

 Some steps will require more careful planning while others might evolve as you get closer to completing your home.

 So think of the land, the location. Just as you wouldn't build a house on unstable ground, you want to choose a location for your child's forever home that supports their future. It's the groundwork where all of the decisions will grow, including access to community, family and support systems.

Legal and financial plans. 

A blueprint guides every step of the construction process. Without it, you risk missing important details. Likewise, legal and financial plans provide the structure for your child's future, ensuring their needs are met, no matter what happens.

This, my friend, is your roadmap.

Think of the walls as independence and support.

The walls are essential for providing shelter, but they also must be adaptable.

There will be some walls in the home that are structurally important and that cannot be moved. But it is nice to know that you can expand a room by knocking out a wall if it becomes necessary to accommodate the changing, growing needs of your family.

Your child's independence needs to be supported. So as they grow, the walls, quote unquote, of their home can shift and expand to allow more autonomy.

Let's view the roof as continuity of care. A roof keeps everything protected, ensuring your child remains safe and cared for in the future.

The roof is your long-term plan, securing continuity of care even when you're no longer physically here. It's the ultimate safety net.

As you reflect on each of the 10 questions that I'm going to pose, think of them as different parts of that building process. Each question helps you ensure that your child's forever home is a sturdy, flexible, and supportive space where they can thrive, grow, and feel a true sense of belonging.

So Number One: 

What does my child need to feel safe and comfortable in their home?

So when we think about safety and comfort, it's easy to jump straight to the basics. Things like secure locks, grab bars, or accessible furniture. And yes, these things are important. But for our kids, especially those with disabilities, safety and comfort go far beyond the physical space. So for example, if your child is sensory sensitive, harsh lighting, loud appliances, or certain textures might make a space feel overwhelming.

On the flip side:

Soft lighting, noise-reducing materials, and familiar objects can make a space feel calming and predictable.

If your child has mobility challenges, safety might look like wider doorways, a stair-free layout, a barrier-free and open layout, or adaptive bathroom equipment.

And let's not forget emotional safety.

Does your child know that they can retreat to a quiet space when they're overwhelmed? Is their environment one where they feel seen, respected, and loved?

Sometimes something as simple as having their favorite blanket on the couch or a picture of their pet by the bed. This can bring comfort.

You might consider how the layout of the home influences your child's confidence.

- Can they navigate it independently? Are important items within reach?

- Does the space support their routines?

- Take a moment to really reflect.

- What overwhelms my child at home right now?

- What helps them calm down or feel grounded?

- What would it take to make every room feel like a safe space for their body and for their heart?

Every child is unique, and you know yours best. So start with what's already working and then build from there. 

Number Two:

How much independence can my child have and what supports will they need?

Now, this question is such a powerful one, and it's not always easy to answer.

As parents, especially those of us who've spent years advocating, caregiving, and protecting, it can feel a little scary to shift our focus to independence. But here's the truth.

Our kids are capable of more than we sometimes imagine or give them credit for.

And even when full independence isn't the goal, supported independence can be incredibly powerful. And this is the case for my eldest child, who is total care.

She lives on her own with two other young ladies with disabilities. They have 24-hour care, and it's just been incredible to see them develop and grow in their independence.

So I want you to start by taking a gentle, honest look at your child's current abilities.

What are they already doing on their own?

Maybe they're brushing their teeth, packing their lunches, or helping with the laundry. Celebrate those wins. Then ask yourself, what's the next small step that they could take with the right support?

Maybe with visual prompts or a checklist, they could cook a simple meal. Maybe with a reminder system, they could take part in managing their medication. Maybe with coaching or guidance, they could start handling some of their own money.

The goal here isn't perfection. It's progress.

The forever home you're designing should be a space that encourages growth without creating stress or confusion.

That might mean using smart home technology for reminders, adding color-coded storage for organizations, or having a support worker come in for a few hours a week to help with tasks.

I know of a lady that organized an apartment for her son.

And to make life easier, and for her to know that her space was being cared for, she has a housekeeper come in every week, change the sheets, do the laundry, and tidy the space.

Whatever it takes to support their independence.

And don't forget, independence doesn't mean doing everything alone, like I just mentioned, it means having the tools, the environment, and the support to do as much as possible with confidence and dignity to encourage autonomy.

So here are a few reflection questions for question two. 

- What life skills does my child already have?

- Where do they shine?

- Where could they grow with the right kind of help?

- What adaptations might unlock more independence?

As you think about these answers, try to hold space in your mind for possibility.

Your child's forever home could be a place where they not only feel safe, but also empowered to learn, try, and thrive.

Question Three:

What type of housing model best suits my child's needs?

This is one of the most personal and creative parts of planning a forever home.

There's truly no one-size-fits-all solution. The best housing model is the one that fits your child's unique mix of personality, abilities, interests, and support needs.

Some families choose a small apartment with supports that come in as needed, sometimes called drop-in or floating support.

This model works well for individuals who have a good degree of independence but still need help with certain tasks like budgeting, meal prep, medication administration, or navigating public transport.

Others explore shared living arrangements, sometimes with a few friends or peers who also have disabilities, along with 24-7 staff.

These homes can offer a great balance of companionship, structure, and support.

Some families even create intentional communities where several individuals live in close proximity and share caregivers or common spaces.

And then there are more family-integrated models like building a basement suite or a carriage house on your property so that your child has their own space, but you're still close by if needed.

Now, this setup often appeals to families who want a gradual transition from full-time caregiving.

We actually have a self-contained basement suite in our home for our youngest. They're not ready to move in as yet, but it's ready for when they are.

And here's some questions to consider.

- What kind of environment helps my child feel most at ease?

- Do they like having others around, or do they prefer quiet and privacy? This would be my second child.

- How much structure do they need throughout the day?

 My oldest child needs much structure.

Don't be afraid to think outside the box. You might even pilot different setups through respite stays, short-term rentals, or group homes to see what feels right for you and your family.

Do listen to the two episodes with Molly Denny, who talks about Daymark Living, which is an option for community living in Texas.

Now, of course, include your child in every conversation where possible. Even if they communicate differently, their preferences matter. This is their home we're building.

Number Four,

Where should the forever home be located?

Location isn't just about geography. It's about belonging.

When thinking about where to build or buy your child's forever home, you're really asking, ‘What kind of life do I envision for them?’ Because where they live will shape who they see, what they do, and how connected they feel to the world around them.

Think about proximity to family and friends, the people who know your child, who love them, and provide that all-important sense of continuity and care.

Being near trusted people can make transitions easier and provide informal support you can't always plan for.

I want you to consider community services. Are there day programs, social clubs, places of worship or recreational activities nearby that your child enjoys, or they can grow into?

Is there a supportive and inclusive community where your child can truly feel welcome?

For one of Melody-Anne’s housemates, it was very important to her and her family that she attend a place of worship weekly. And it just so happened that there is a church near to Eden House where these young ladies live.

And don't forget health care providers. If your child sees specialists or relies on regular appointments, access to quality care is a huge, huge factor.

Also think about the long term.

- Is the area growing in a way that offers more opportunities or becoming harder to afford? Are there employment opportunities nearby if your child is or could become job-ready?

- How is the public transportation system?

- Can they get where they need to go with or without a support person?

 Ask yourself, what does my child love doing in their community?

- What relationships or routines do I want to preserve?

- Will this location support their independence and their well-being?

So choosing a location is a major step. It's not just about today. It's about planting your child in a place where they can bloom for years to come.

 Number Five, 

Who will be part of my child's long-term support network?

This question can feel both comforting and overwhelming because the truth is, none of us were meant to do this alone.

When we think about planning a forever home, it's easy to focus on the bricks and the mortar, on funding and logistics. But the heart of it all is relationships.

The people who will walk alongside your child when you can't or when you just need a break.

Support doesn't only mean professional caregivers. In fact, some of the most meaningful, lasting support comes from family, friends, neighbors and community members who already know and love your child.

People who celebrate their wins notice when something's off and show up simply because they care.

Take a few minutes to imagine who lights up when they see your child.

- Who understands them without you needing to explain?

- Who might be willing to step in even in small ways in the future?

This might include siblings, cousins, close family friends, a beloved teacher or a coach, a neighbor who's always been kind. And yes, it's always worth exploring connections to community organizations, faith groups or advocacy circles who could be part of that long-term network.

Make a list. Write it down.

Start having gentle conversations, not to assign anyone a role, but to begin planting seeds.

For instance, ‘Would you ever be open to checking in on my child every now and then? ‘Or ‘I'd love to keep you in the loop as we plan for our child's future.’

This is something that I'm currently working on for Melody-Anne.

Here's the beautiful part.

People genuinely want to help. They just don't often know how unless we invite them in. I get it. Issuing the invitation can seem scary.

But what's the worst that they can say?

So ask yourself, who's in our corner now and who might be in the future?

How can I start building those connections today?

A forever home is more than a place. It's a network of care and you're not alone in creating that.

 Number Six.

What financial resources and funding options are available?

Let's be honest. This is the part that can feel heavy. The financial side of planning a forever home can be complex and sometimes just thinking about it can bring up anxiety.

But here's the good news. You don't have to figure it out all at once and you don't have to do it alone.

Start by booking a consultation with a financial planner and /or estate lawyer who has experience and the designation to advise families of a person with disabilities.

Next, look into government programs and disability benefits that are available in your province or region.

These might include income supports, housing subsidies and funding for supports like caregivers, equipment or home modifications.

Your child may not qualify now, but it's good to be aware ahead of time.

Next, explore grants, both local and national.

Grants that are specifically designed to support individuals with disabilities and their families.

Sometimes these grants go unused simply because families don't know they exist.

And if you haven't already, learn about legal financial tools like the Henson Trust or special needs trust in the US. This is a powerful way to protect your child's assets and ensure they don't lose access to government benefits.

These tools can feel intimidating at first, but with the right legal and financial professionals by your side, you can create a solid safety net.

As I mentioned, one of the best steps you can take is meeting with a financial planner who truly understands the disability space. Not just someone who's good with numbers, but someone who gets the long game, someone who can help you build a plan that supports your child now and long into the future, even when you're no longer here.

So here are a few reflection questions for this point.

- What benefits and programs are we already using and what else might be out there?

- Do we have a will and a trust in place that protects our child's financial future?

- Who can help guide us through this without pressure or judgment?

 Yes, it can seem like a mountain, but remember every piece of the plan you put in place today builds stability and peace of mind for tomorrow.

 Question Seven.

How can we create a daily routine that fosters growth and well being?

Well, let's pause for a moment and remember a forever home isn't just about where your child lives. It's about how they live.

What makes a house a home is the rhythm of the daily life, the little moments, the routines, the sense of purpose and the joy woven into the day.

That's where growth happens. That's where well-being is nurtured.

So ask yourself, what does a good day look like for my child?

What helps them feel calm, connected and confident?

Start with the basics. Morning routines, mealtimes, bedtime and building the elements that support your child's development.

That might include time for life skills practice like cooking or laundry; social time with peers or support staff; and meaningful activities like volunteering, work or hobbies.

This is something that I didn't consider, but don't forget downtime, quiet moments to read, listen to music, play with pets or just decompress.

We need it. Our children need it.

Routines don't need to be rigid, but they do need to provide a comforting sense of structure, especially for those children who thrive on predictability.

And here's the deal.

When a routine is intentionally crafted, it not only supports your child's needs, it invites them to stretch and grow.

Over time, they might take more ownership over their schedule, build new skills or discover passions you never expected.

Ask yourself, what activities bring my child joy or purpose?

- How can we create a flow that balances structure with flexibility?

- What supports are needed to make their routine work in a sustainable way?

When we build routines with love and intention, we’re not just filling time. We're creating a life, a life that feels safe, engaging and full of possibility.

 Number Eight.

 What legal considerations need to be addressed?

Hmm. Okay. This is one of the hard but necessary parts of forever home planning. It's not always easy to talk about legal matters, especially when it involves imagining a future where we may not be around.

But putting these pieces in place is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child and those who will care for them.

Start with the basics.

- Do you have a will that clearly outlines your wishes and provides for your child?

- Have you appointed a guardian or power of attorney for when you're no longer able to make decisions?

If your child needs someone to legally advocate for them into adulthood, you may also need to explore guardianship or supported decision making agreements, depending on your province or region and the age of your child.

But here's the key.

Clarity. If others will be stepping into caregiving roles, whether family, friends or professionals, make sure their roles and responsibilities are clearly documented. Spell out your child's preferences, their routines, medical needs and support systems. The more detail you provide, the easier it will be for others to step in with confidence and care.

This isn't just about paperwork. It's about peace of mind. Knowing your child will be protected legally means fewer gaps, fewer misunderstandings and a smoother transition when life shifts.

Ask yourself, what legal documents do we already have in place?

- Who do I trust to carry out our wishes? And, have I talked to them about it?

- What do I want future caregivers to know about my child, not just for my child?

Facing these questions now gives your child the gift of stability in the future. It says, you are loved, you are protected and we've got you covered.

This can seem overwhelming.

I need you to pause, take a breath and remember, how do we eat an elephant? Know that I'm available to support you. 

Number Nine,

How will my child's needs evolve over time?

Now, if there's one thing we've all learned as parents of children with disabilities, it's this. Things change.

Sometimes slowly, sometimes suddenly, but always in ways that remind us to stay flexible, stay open and plan with both the present and the future in mind.

So, as you envision your child's forever home, take a moment to consider how their needs might shift over time.

Will they need more mobility support as they age? Could their medical needs increase? Might their emotional or cognitive needs require new kinds of support?

Of course, none of us has a crystal ball, but we can make smart, adaptable choices now that might look like… choosing universal design features like wider doorways, rolling showers, or lever-style door handles that can serve your child both now and later. Or, building in flexible spaces that can evolve from a sensory room to a home office or from shared living space to something more private.

It's not about over-preparing or assuming the worst. It's about designing with compassion and foresight.

And it's not just the physical space, your support systems may need to evolve to. Think about what kind of care might be needed five, ten, or twenty years from now. Having a flexible care plan and relationships with people who understand your child deeply make it easier to adjust when life does.

Ask yourself, what future-proofing can we build into the home design?

- How can we prepare for increased support needs without creating fear or pressure?

- What conversation should we start having now with family, care teams, or planners?

Planning for the future isn't about control. It's about care.

It's about making space for your child to grow and change with dignity and support every step of the way.

 And lastly, Question Ten, 

How can I ensure continuity of care when I'm no longer around?

This may very well be the hardest question of all, but also the most loving one.

None of us want to think about the day when we won't be here to care for our child, but it's one of the most important steps we can take in planning a forever home. It's about ensuring that our child's needs, their well-being, and the home we've created for them remain intact no matter what the future holds.

 So ask yourself Who will step in when I'm gone?

- What plans need to be in place for continued care, both financial and personal?

- Who can I trust to honour my child's needs, values, and wishes in my absence?

Start by thinking about the care team, who will be part of that team, and have you made clear, detailed care instructions for them.

Whether it's a family member, close friend, or a professional caregiver, make sure the people stepping into these roles understand the importance of continuity.

And for me, setting up Melody-Anne's forever home, this was the biggest thing that prompted me to do what we did. I wanted to make sure that when Scott and I pass, that Melody-Anne's life will continue, just as it has been. With her housemates, with the staff providing the care, with the programs that she goes to on a weekly basis, I just wanted to make sure that life continued as it always has for her.

Next, I want you to consider your financial plans.

- Who will manage the Trust, the property, and the assets you've set aside to care for your child? 

- Do you have a transition plan in place that clearly outlines financial provisions, guardianship, and any other responsibilities that might need to shift?

It's never easy to face, but ensuring that these pieces are in place today gives you and your child a profound gift, and that is peace of mind. It means you can rest easier knowing that your child will be supported in the way that you've envisioned, even when you can't be there.

So ask yourself: What do I want the future to look like for my child, and how can I make that as clear as possible?

- What kind of legacy do I want to leave in terms of care, community, and love?

This is about creating a safety net, not just for your child, but for everyone who loves and supports them. It's about ensuring your vision and values carry on with clarity and confidence long after you're gone.

As you reflect on these 10 questions, remember that you're doing something profound. A forever home isn't just about the space, it's about crafting a future full of love, possibility, and care.

You don't need to have all the answers right now, but with each question you ask, each decision you make, you're laying the foundation for a future that will stand strong.

So take a deep breath!

Know that you're not alone in this journey, and that every step you take today is a step toward a brighter tomorrow for your child. 

Remember, you are doing an incredible thing. You are not just creating a home, you're crafting a future filled with love, possibility, and stability for your child.

Trust yourself and trust the process.

If you found these questions helpful, reflecting on them is an important first step in this journey. And if you need help with any of the pieces we've discussed today, reach out to me. I'd love to support you.

If you're watching this on YouTube, please like and subscribe so that this information can reach others.

Keep building your child's future. Live with Intention - Embrace the Journey.

 Thanks for joining me today on Forever Home for our kids with disabilities. I hope today's episode gave you something new to think about, and it increased your confidence on your journey.

 If you found this episode helpful, do tell others about it. Use the text feature to let me know your questions. Tell me what you want to know. 

Until next time, take care, and keep building your child's future.

Live with Intention - Embrace the Journey