Launching With Support: One Mom’s Journey to Independent Living for Her Autistic Daughter — with Dr. Elisabeth “Betsy” Woolner

In this episode Valerie sits down with special guest Dr. Elisabeth (Betsy) Woolner — an 'almost' retired family physician, university clinical lecturer, and mother of two adult children, one with developmental disabilities.

Betsy shares her 30-year journey of raising her daughter Scarlett, discovering her needs beyond diagnosis labels, and navigating three failed attempts at independent living before finally finding a sustainable model. This conversation is a compassionate look at what it really takes to support our neurodivergent young adults — not by assuming they’re ready, but by meeting them where they are.

Key Themes & Takeaways

Bright ≠ ready for independence — Intelligence doesn’t replace executive functioning, social capacity, emotional maturity, or processing speed.
Failed launches don’t mean failure — They are data points that help families course-correct.
Parents sometimes unknowingly overestimate — When expectations shifted to match actual ability, battles disappeared and communication improved.
Support for life is not a limitation — Accepting lifelong support needs opened the door to realistic planning and healthier independence.
Home models matter — Supervised living, duplexes, apartment rentals, condo ownership… each option comes with pros, cons, and legal considerations.
Teaching independent living requires breaking things down — Something as “simple” as paying bills may actually be 8+ steps that need practice, tools, and repetition.

After exploring multiple options — renovating their home, building a carriage house, agency-supervised living, rentals — the family landed on purchasing a condo 15 minutes away so they could:
• tailor support without landlord barriers
• monitor needs and independence over time
• provide roommates (which Scarlett wanted)
• minimize outdoor maintenance responsibilities

Skill-Building Wins Along the Way

1. Paying rent — learning reminders, collecting roommate payments, e-transferring on time
2. Meal planning & cooking — supported by interest and shared responsibility with roommates
3. Ongoing work — cleanliness remains a challenge, and they’re learning as they go

For Parents Walking This Path

Independence isn’t all or nothing
Support isn’t a setback — it’s a step forward
You’re not behind if success takes time
Every child’s journey is unique — and so is yours

Suggested Reflection

• List the life skills your child will need for the level of independence they want
• Choose one skill to focus on first — and break it into micro-steps
• Celebrate progress over perfection

 Creating a forever home isn’t just about the physical space — it’s about building confidence one skill at a time, exploring models of support, and honoring our children’s identities, needs, and dreams.

Connect with Betsy

https://www.linkedin.com/in/elisabeth-betsy-woolner/

https://www.facebook.com/betsy.woolner

Connect with Valerie

info@foreverhomeconsulting.ca

Music Acknowledgement: Audio Coffee - Denys Kyshchuk

Editor: Scott Arbeau

Link for book: The S.H.I.N.E. Principle: The special needs mom's path to strength, hope and happiness by Valerie Arbeau

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B0CW18ZXGX (Cana

Learn more about your host at:
https://coachingwithvalerieanne.com/

Transcript

Betsy

 So the first one we picked was, okay, pay bills. Right. So, you know, we think of it as just something you do, but looking at things through her eyes makes me realize sometimes how many steps there are in that. Right. So it's like, remember that that's coming, you know, pay attention to the date of the month, get the money from the roommates into the joint account. And then you have to send your landlord, your mother, in this case, an E-transfer. Right. So it's all these steps. And we're pretty good now, right? It's, you know, I'm getting my rent on time without nagging. So there we go. Yeah.

I'll take the small victories. Yeah.

[00:00:30:01 - 00:00:54:21]

Valerie

 Hello and welcome to Forever Home for our kids with disabilities. I'm Valerie, mom to two with disabilities, one visible, one invisible. I'm a life coach and an author.

This space has been created to help you navigate the journey of creating a secure, sustainable forever home for your child.

We'll chat with parents on this path, realtors, financial planners, and other experts who can make the process easier.

Why am I so passionate about this? Because seeing my eldest thrive living independent of us was a gift I didn't always know I could give.

I want you to have the opportunity to explore giving that gift. To your child.

[00:01:28:07 - 00:01:53:22]

Valerie

 Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Forever Home for our kids with disabilities. I am thrilled to let you know we have a wonderful guest named Elisabeth Woolner, who prefers to go by Betsy. Betsy is a clinical lecturer at the Cummings School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine, University of Calgary, and also is the director of the Alumni Engagement at the Cummings School of Medicine.

Betsy is a mostly retired family physician, mother of two adult kids, one with developmental disabilities.

Betsy grew up in a family with a brother who was disabled, so the caregiving role has been hers since she was old enough to help. Betsy's happy places are being in her garden or singing in one of the choirs she's a member of. So Betsy, welcome.

[00:02:17:23 - 00:02:18:10]

Betsy

 Thank you.

[00:02:19:13 - 00:02:20:18]

Valerie

 We're so glad to have you.

Betsy, tell us a little about your special needs mom journey.

[00:02:28:06 - 00:03:43:18]

Betsy

 Well, it's a 30-year-old journey now. Scarlett is my oldest and it actually took us a little while to understand that she was going to have some special needs. She was probably two or three before we went, eh, this kid's a little different. She was speech delayed, but a really easy, lovely, jolly happy baby. So, I kind of didn't mind about the talking part so much. But by the time she was, you know, five, six, it was pretty clear that this was a kid who was not going to fit the mold of the typical kid. But we didn't actually get any kind of diagnosis for her. She really didn't fit into any of the nice little boxes. You know, doctors like to have boxes and we like to put people in boxes. She didn't fit in any boxes. And so we just kind of went with the flow and got her the help that she needed. So, we had physio, we had OT, we had speech, we had all the people and just tried to address whatever she needed in that moment. And then eventually, not because she changed, but because the diagnostic boxes changed, she did fit into an autism spectrum diagnosis box as well as ADHD. So doubly blessed. Yeah.

[00:03:43:18 - 00:03:45:13]

Valerie

 I can relate to that.

[00:03:45:13 - 00:03:46:04]

Betsy

 Yeah.

[00:03:48:08 - 00:03:59:14]

Valerie

 Our youngest is also ADHD diagnosed at about probably the end of grade five into grade six. Then we got the ASD autism spectrum disorder.

That one came when they were 17. They're now 20. Right.

[00:04:03:16 - 00:04:21:12]

Betsy

 Yeah. Yeah. So yes, Scarlett was older as well. And we didn't actually necessarily talk to her about it. It didn't seem important. She actually came to me one day and she said, now mom, I can't remember how old she would have been around 17, 18. Mom, I know I have ADHD. Mmmmhmm. Do I have something else?

Well, what are you thinking about? Do I have autism? And I'm like, well she's very facts oriented, very, give me the facts. Give me the rules. So I said, well, let's look at the book. So we sat down and looked at the DSM5 revised version together. We said, yeah, sounds like you fit that. Oh, okay. I said, does that help you? She goes, yeah, I think that helps me. I think it'll help me explain myself to people. She said, that's okay.

Right. Love it. Love it. She's also gifted and this is a really, it's an interesting bundle of things. Right. I'll sometimes say she's like, I've got the engine of a Maserati in the body of a Volkswagen Beetle and no driver's license. So it's, so she's a very interesting human with a huge, big kind heart, not a mean bone in her body. She's just lovely, but struggles, right? Yeah.

[00:05:15:23 - 00:05:16:04]

Valerie

 Struggles.

[00:05:16:04 - 00:05:16:15]

Betsy

 Yes.

[00:05:16:15 - 00:05:25:20]

Valerie

 Love the analogy of the engine and the beetle and the no driving license. Yeah. Sometimes that's how it seems in our home too.

[00:05:25:20 - 00:05:36:09]

Betsy

 Yeah. If you only could harness your raw intellect, wouldn't life be easier? But okay, you can't. So you can't. Let's move on.

[00:05:36:09 - 00:05:51:08]

Valerie

 Right. Yeah. Wow. So you'd mentioned that you'd launched Scarlett and the turning points of launching your daughter was realizing that you and your husband were overestimating her abilities.

[00:05:51:08 - 00:05:52:03]

Betsy

 Yeah.

[00:05:52:03 - 00:05:53:19]

Valerie

 What helped you recognize that?

[00:05:55:21 - 00:06:17:02]

Betsy

 I think after the third unsuccessful launch, my husband and I sat down and we were like, we can't keep doing this over and over. This is too hard. It's hard on her. It's hard on us. And when we started thinking about the fact that we were really running into the same problems over and over and over again, we thought, well, wait a minute.

Why is it that we expect that she'll be able to do X, Y, or Z? It just came to us that we were part of the problem, right? That by assuming that she could drive that car, that she could manipulate that fancy engine she has, that we were actually doing her and us a disservice. And when we started being more realistic, a couple of really good things happened. A lot of battles just stopped because I would tend to attribute stubbornness or just, you know, not wanting to do something to a particular behavior, when really a more appropriate explanation was she hasn't learned that yet. She can't do that now. So when we reframe things that way, a lot of the battles just stopped and things got a lot easier. We stopped being disappointed. Well, of course, she's not ready to do that. Okay. Right. It's just, you know, stages of change stuff, right? We just needed to meet her where she was. And so we were part of the problem and that made things a lot easier. And it opened the door for us to have some conversations with her about what she might want that were really helpful.

[00:07:33:02 - 00:07:48:05]

Valerie

 So shifting your expectations and I guess, okay, so she didn't have all the skills that she needed that we thought she maybe should have is what I'm hearing, right? So yeah, taking it back to the car. She's not able to parallel park yet because we haven't taught her how to do that yet.

[00:07:48:05 - 00:07:57:15]

Betsy

 Right. And maybe she's never going to be able to parallel park and that's okay. But the crux of the matter is coming around too, she's going to need support for the rest of her life.

[00:07:57:15 - 00:07:58:00]

Valerie

 Okay.

[00:07:59:08 - 00:08:15:15]

Betsy

 And when we accepted that, it's like, okay, well, what support is she going to need and how much and who's going to give her that support now? And then who's going to give it to her when we're not around anymore. And it just sort of shifted our thinking about where we needed to go next. Right.

[00:08:15:15 - 00:08:38:08]

Valerie

 Yeah. Love that. Thank you for sharing that because it's hard sometimes when you have, especially when you have a bright child, because we equate brilliance with the ability to do and I have run into the same problem with my child. My child is my youngest is very bright. Picked up things really quickly. Was reading at the age of three. I'm just like, right.

[00:08:38:08 - 00:08:40:04]

Betsy

 Exactly. Exactly. Yeah.

[00:08:40:04 - 00:09:01:00]

Valerie

 Right. So you equate them. Okay. They're bright. They'll figure things out. But I had no clue about the social part, the anxiety part, the emotional part. I did not know what executive functioning was or what that meant and how that translated to a child trying to live life. Right. So there were a lot of things that I just had no clue.

[00:09:01:00 - 00:09:27:08]

Betsy

 Yeah. Yeah. That sounds like a very similar experience. And we think of people who are bright as being quick and she's not quick. Her processing speed is actually slow, right? So that, you know, people, I think sometimes who meet her think she's not bright because she's slow to respond and slow to pick up social cues and that sort of thing. But in fact, she's scary smart.

So it's a very interesting kid I've got.

[00:09:32:16 - 00:09:38:10]

Valerie

 Yes. Yes. So tell us a little bit about those three failed launches.

[00:09:39:20 - 00:10:13:08]

Betsy

 Oh, well, the first one failed because it was an emergency unplanned launch. And she was far away. So she was attending University of Lethbridge and actually did really well in her first year in residence. And then you don't have a lot of responsibility when you're in residence. Right. You know, somebody's making your meals for you and she loved school and she was doing well and she was making friends. And then she missed a deadline because we underestimated what she was capable. She missed a deadline for applying for housing.

And so then it's like, oops, now we don't have a place for her to stay. So we, this is Zippity Quick went down to Lethbridge, found her an apartment and just, you know, crossed her fingers and hoped it would work. It didn't work. There was no way that was going to work. She was too far away to expect her to do school and life skills that she didn't have, like there was no way that was going to work. So that didn't work. Right. So she ended up leaving Lethbridge and coming home. And for a while we just did, okay, stay at home and just do school. Just do that part. And when she seemed to have that down reasonably well and she wanted out, right? So fair enough at that age, you don't want to live with your parents. So we thought, oh, we'll try it again. And so then we tried a couple of times in rental apartments and for a whole bunch of reasons didn't work. And again, a lot of it was on us. We were underestimating how much support she needed. And so we weren't giving it to her. And so things fell apart. Right. Although the second time it was that her roommate fell apart and left. And then it was her in an apartment that didn't make sense for one person. Right. So, and then after that one, we thought, wait now, we've got to do something different. How do we help her get into the independence she wants and that we want for her and succeed, right? And so we looked into a whole bunch of things and then settled on what we settled on.

[00:11:43:14 - 00:12:27:18]

Valerie

 So when you say you looked into a whole bunch of things, this is one of the things I do with my clients when I'm helping coach them to that forever home for their child, what kind of model? Because when we started the journey for our oldest, we had no idea. We're just like, okay, we can just get a house and get it sorted for her. But I didn't understand there was lots of different models. And I remember having a lady come and talk to me and she said, well, it took them about five years to actually figure out what model will work best for their child. They landed on a bungalow home and having roommates and that seemed to work for them. But they had considered side by side duplex and up and down duplex, an apartment. So there's lots of things to think about.

[00:12:27:18 - 00:12:36:00]

Betsy

 And we thought about, you know, could we renovate our home for her to be here? Could we build a carriage house? Cause we've got a bigger lot. So could we do that?

And in the end, that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted a little distance. So she's about a 15-minute drive from the house now, which is good. That's close enough.

[00:12:46:03 - 00:12:50:08]

Valerie

 Right. So if you needed to be there in an emergency, you can get there.

[00:12:50:08 - 00:13:40:15]

Betsy

 Exactly. I can get there quickly. And it's not too much of a burden for me because I do a regular visit over there and that it's not too far away, but it's far enough away that she knows I'm not looking over her shoulder, which was a problem. And so we thought about, I mean, there are programs in Calgary with sort of supervised housing. So I have a friend, it's actually a friend of my other daughter's who lives in a situation like that where she lives in her own apartment, but in the building, there are people who are available to her and she gets regular check-ins and supervision from somebody who works for that agency. Right. So, I mean, we looked at that sort of thing, but Scarlett's a little too high functioning, she drives a car. None of these places had parking. Oh, right. A lot of them didn't have kitchens, like not a full kitchen, but she loves to cook. So that wasn't good. So it was this kind of, I don't know, it just didn't seem, and we went around and thought about a whole bunch of things. And then I can't even remember whether it was me or my husband who finally looked at the other one and said, why don't we just buy her a condo? Like let's just buy her a house. And we thought, oh, well, now how would that work? Right. And sort of mused about it for a long time. And then thought, well, you know what that will do is give us the ability to assess, right, how much support she needs and how often and what kind, and try things out without having to deal with the landlord, middle man or middle woman. Right. So yeah, we thought about that for a long time. We landed on condo because we felt like a freestanding house would come with responsibilities that I didn't want. Because it's going to be me. Or, and that she didn't want, she wasn't going to shovel snow and mow lawns, like that just wasn't going to happen. So, okay. You know, so then we thought, okay, condo is kind of an in-between thing. And we're lucky because we could afford that. I could see other parents going, well, that's nice for you. Right. She does have roommates. Okay. She strongly prefers to live with others. Okay. So she has roommates and so, you know, they pay rent, but you know, maybe that would be a situation where, you know, if it were different, that the parents of the roommates might, you know, you could get together and share the financial burden of buying the condo or whatever, if somebody was in a similar situation.

[00:15:16:12 - 00:15:53:12]

Valerie

 Yeah. Yeah. Yes. We have a family that we had introduced to the concept of a forever home for their child, and they went in partnership with another family. One of the things to consider though, is the legal aspect of owning the home. If somebody decides to back out or if one of the children in our case are oldest is medically fragile. So if one of the children passes away, then what happens? Right. So all of that needs to be sorted out. But I love the fact that Scarlett has identified that they want to live with other people, that they are better living with others. Yes. Yes, very much. How do you go about finding the roommates?

[00:15:54:15 - 00:16:25:15]

Betsy

 So the roommates kind of came with the place. She has a number of friends who are also on the autism spectrum. So, these are people that she already knew who wanted different living situations than the ones they were in. So, they just sort of happened upon them. And then that's changed since she moved in. One of them has left and one of them has stayed and then there's a new one. So, we've had to, it's been one of our learnings about things we should have talked about beforehand, but yeah, but we're managing that.

[00:16:25:15 - 00:16:37:03]

Valerie

 Yeah. Yeah. Cool. So the assessment is ongoing. I would imagine that things changed. Right. The needs that Scarlett has and who's fulfilling those needs for her.

[00:16:37:03 - 00:16:53:19]

Betsy

 Right. Yeah. So we sort of at the beginning talked and with Scarlett about what are the life skills you need to learn in order to be as independent as you want to be. Right. And then we just sort of picked one and started, right. And so the first one we picked was, okay, pay bills.

 Right. So, you know, we think of it as just something you do, but looking at things through her eyes makes me realize sometimes how many steps there are in that. Right. So it's like, remember that that's coming, you know, pay attention to the date of the month, get the money from the roommates into the joint account. And then you have to send your landlord, your mother in this case, an e-transfer. Right. So it's all these steps and we're pretty good now. I'm getting my rent on time without nagging. So there we go. Yeah. I'll take the small victories.

[00:17:31:18 - 00:17:59:16]

Valerie

 Yeah. Yeah. No, that's a huge victory. That's a huge victory. Because as you identified, there's so many steps. And even though it's common sense to you and I, for some that has their brain wired a little bit differently, they don't think about those things because it's not in their face, right? It's something that happens behind the scenes. So identifying ways of them remembering. I'm so thankful for smartphones. Not that I love them, but I love them for the fact that there are alarms.

[00:17:59:16 - 00:18:01:21]

Betsy

 Setting alarms is a good thing.

[00:18:01:21 - 00:18:10:15]

Valerie

 Yes. Yeah. So these are some of the things to think about. And as you say, just breaking it down into the steps and practicing the steps until we get to it.

[00:18:10:15 - 00:19:07:19]

Betsy

 Until we get it right. And it took months before we were there. Right. At the beginning, I had to remind for every one of those steps, right? And now it just works. It's okay. Now they're not fully paying bills. So what we've done is I pay the bills, right? The utilities and stuff are in my name and they just pay me once a month. So they don't have the experience yet of having to, oh, the cable bill is on the seventh and the utilities bill is on the 21st and the rent is on the right of breaking it all out like that. But you know, so far so good with what we're doing. And then we worked on meal planning and shopping and feeding oneself and cooking and that sort of thing. And they've got that pretty down. She was always interested in cooking and liked to be in the kitchen. So that wasn't a huge stretch for her. And luckily her roommates also enjoy that. So that's good. The other things are ongoing.

[00:19:09:01 - 00:19:09:06]

Valerie

 Yeah.

[00:19:09:06 - 00:19:15:22]

Betsy

 Yeah. Cleanliness. That is the big one. That is the current issue is the cleanliness.

I'm struggling with that one right now.

[00:19:19:21 - 00:19:44:18]

Valerie

 I so hear you. I have met with a mom who similar sort of journey and ended up buying a condo and mortgaging it and having her son understand that how a mortgage works. Right. And, but it took, I think it took till he was about 26 before he was able to manage being on his own. So for her, just to make life easier, she actually has a cleaner go in. 

[00:19:44:18 - 00:19:53:07]

Betsy

 Well, I actually told them that I'd be happy to hire a cleaner for them, but there'd be no point right now because the place is too messy.

You can't clean if you can't see the floor. So we’ve got to figure out that part. That's actually been this week's hot topic because we've tried a number of things to figure that out and nothing seems to be working. So I put it back in her court and I said, we'll talk about it next week. You got to help me figure out a solution here. You know, all the organization, well, we're going to assign tasks. We're going to put it on the whiteboard. We're going to trade the, uh, I don't know. That's okay. We'll figure something out.

[00:20:23:19 - 00:21:02:04]

Valerie

 I think that's the thing Betsy, is being willing. And so with the way my brain works, it took me a while to learn to be willing to let's navigate and let's, as you say, let's just put it on the back burner for a minute, then we'll come back to it to be able to do that. I'm a task orientated person and I, I see what needs to be done. And I want to do it very much like that. Let's get on with it, people. Let's get on with it. Yeah. I've had to learn too Betsy to, okay, back off. This is not a good time and reading your child as to when is a good time to have that conversation. And as I mentioned, mine has ADHD and on the spectrum as well. So I've had to learn that, you know what, this is not a good time to approach them.

[00:21:02:04 - 00:21:04:10]

Betsy

 So it might be a good time for us, but it's not.

[00:21:04:10 - 00:21:24:13]

Valerie

 It has to be mutual. And I think too, as you're learning, as we're all learning with our children, it has to come from them for the buy-in. Right. They don't necessarily want us to come up with solutions. They want us to help problems solve. Right. So let's come together. So what are your thoughts? How do you feel about this?

[00:21:24:13 - 00:22:08:07]

Betsy

 Right. Exactly. Help me figure something out here. What we've tried is not working. Let's brainstorm, right? Yes. When you think about this and we'll talk about it next week, right? Yeah. One thing we did differently with this launch was much more of her involvement in, well, let's, how does this work when you buy a condo? Right? Oh, let's go look at what are the things we're looking for when we're looking at these places. Oh, you like this one. Here's why I have some reserves about this one. Let's talk about the so much more involvement. So when we finally chose, she was good with that. Yeah. Because she understood the, what had gone into that decision making. Right. Yeah. 

Valerie

Well, she'd been part of it, right? Right. 

Betsy

Yes. Yeah. Involving her is critical, right? It's critical.

[00:22:08:07 - 00:22:21:15]

Valerie

 Yeah. All right. So I have a question for you. So you're currently wearing multiple hats, Betsy, mom, you're a coach, your property manager. So what parts of the role are you finding more draining?

[00:22:22:17 - 00:22:55:23]

Betsy

 Oh, property manager for sure. If I could step out of that role, sort of, you know, oh, somebody's texted me, the dishwasher's not working, I get over there. It's just like this one silly button needed to be pushed. You know what I mean? This kind of, there's always something. That is the role that I want to give away. Right. I want a relationship where it's like, oh, you and your roomies come for dinner on Sunday. Great. I mean, they're doing that now, but that's the relationship, right? Not, oh, I'm doing my site visit. That's what I call it a site visit. Back to my days when I did nursing home, I was at a site visit.

Right. Go over there and look around and see what disasters have fallen us this week. Not disasters. I mean, I'm joking, but you know what little thing. Oh, you guys don't know how to set a program on your furnace, so you're not freezing all the time. Okay. Let's do this one. Right. So yes, that would be the thing. I don't want to give up mom. I'm always going to be mom to these kids, but I want to give up that kind of more intense day to day involvement. Right. That's the part I'd like to let go of. Yeah. And so part of that will be understanding better exactly what that role would entail. I can't hire someone for a job if I don't know what the job is. Right. Really. I have a sense of it, but I've set myself a task for the new year in January I'm going to start actually writing down how many hours a week I spend doing stuff in that role and what I do. So that I can get a better sense of it because I think sometimes I might be overestimating the idea would be to have someone else do those things.

[00:24:15:11 - 00:24:47:21]

Valerie

 Absolutely. Absolutely. I love that idea. We have a maintenance manual that my husband has for all what he does at Eden House, which is where our oldest lives. And that just kind of breaks it down for him to be able to know exactly what it is he's supposed to do each time he goes to visit. But also it's now a tool for when we do hire a management project company at some point, we'll have an outline of this is how we've been doing things. These are the things that we've identified that need to be done. We'd love you to carry on that role.

[00:24:47:21 - 00:24:55:03]

Betsy

 Right. Yeah. In this month, this, oh, the furnaces need serviced. Oh, the right now all the stuff you do for a house, right?

[00:24:55:03 - 00:24:58:22]

Valerie

 But yeah, we don't think about, we just do. We just do.

[00:24:58:22 - 00:25:00:06]

Betsy

 Yes.

[00:25:02:00 - 00:25:10:00]

Valerie

 Wow, so I love that you've been able to set your daughter up and it would appear that things fourth time, things are working. 

[00:25:10:00 - 00:25:32:08]

Betsy

 Maybe as a charm. Yeah. Yeah. This is certainly the longest success we've had. And I feel like this will stick because we've come at it with a different attitude and we see it not as a fait de complete, but as a learning opportunity. Yeah. Right. We had to do this to figure out how to do this. Because I don't know if that makes sense. Do you know what I mean?

If we were waiting to have it all figured out before we did anything, I'd be gone and she'd be 60 years old, right? We had to start trying something to figure out how to make it work. And we had to try something different than we tried before.

[00:25:50:07 - 00:27:36:20]

Valerie

 Yes. And I love that you're willing to experiment. And I think that one of the things that I just want to say to our audience today is, be willing to have your plan. You can create your roadmap, but sometimes you need to take a detour, right? Yeah. Outcome, the end goal is still the same, but how it might look, the navigation of getting there might look a little bit different. For us, we have a home where we have a basement. The basement was kind of split into two halves and one half we developed into a legal suite for our youngest child. And we had big high hopes that they'd be able to manage. They'd get excited about being able to have their own place. It would still be kind of under our roof, so to speak, but we would be there to, as you say, lend the support that they would need. Yeah. Turns out they weren't ready. They just weren't at a place where they could take on that independent responsibility of living on their own. This particular child has already identified they would do better on their own with their two cats. Right. Okay. So from that, we have rented out the suite to a young couple, a young Christian couple who have, they're into their second year with us now, which has been amazing. We're just so thankful. And so now what we're looking at is creating a more independent space in the half of the basement that they live in. So they already have a bathroom. My husband has put up some walls to create a bedroom within the room. Yeah. So now we're looking at putting in a little kitchenette. So it would be an illegal suite, but just putting in a little kitchenette so they can do some cooking because they too like cooking when they have the energy to do it. Yes. And so, and that's something else that I've had to learn as well is supporting when they don't have the energy or the… 

[00:27:36:20 - 00:27:45:03]

Betsy

 Ego strength. You know, when you've had a hard day and you get to the end of the day and you're just done, right? Sometimes they're just done and it's like, okay. Yeah.

[00:27:45:03 - 00:28:17:17]

Valerie

 Right. Can't expect anymore. So just being able to support them through that. So that's what we're in the process of doing right now. And then also too, as I'm sure you're aware, the price of rentals where we live is phenomenal, like this child is not going to be able to afford to live on their own. So this is our way of bridging that gap and giving them an opportunity to try out some independence and same as you, just how much hand holding do we need to give them? Yeah. And then sort of giving them the coaching, although they don't like to be coached, the coaching that they need. 

Betsy

No, they don't.

[00:28:19:10 - 00:28:21:00]

Valerie

 To be able to make that step.

[00:28:21:00 - 00:28:45:11]

Betsy

 Yeah. And isn't it just every day a lesson in being humble, like in humility for us and not, I have to get out of my own way, my own need for control and knowing everything and planning everything well too darn bad, right? I mean, what's that phrase? You know, man makes plans, God laughs, right? It's learning for me too stretching my ability to be flexible and go with the flow, which isn't something that has ever come particularly naturally to me. So there you go.

[00:28:56:08 - 00:29:01:20]

Valerie

 And I think it's that learning to be the mum that my child needs, not the mum I think I should be.

[00:29:01:20 - 00:29:05:02]

Betsy

 Right. My kids need different mums.

What my two children need for me is entirely different.

[00:29:09:02 - 00:29:47:04]

Valerie

 Yes. Yes. Yes. Well, Betsy, thank you so much for being here with us today. I've so enjoyed chatting with you and getting to you. 

Betsy

 You're welcome. It's been fun. 

Valerie

 Yes. And I love the fact that you are willing to share your journey because I want our audience to know that there is more than one way to support your child's future. Lots of ways. Yeah. We have definitely got the ability and I'm blessed that we have the time and the resources to architect our children's futures. So I just want to encourage you audience to listen hard, listen in and make sure that you start to dream about what the future of your child could look like.

[00:29:47:04 - 00:29:50:11]

Betsy

 Yeah. And listen to your child's dreams. Yes.

[00:29:50:11 - 00:29:54:16]

Valerie

 Yes. Yes. Yeah. Where can our audience go to find out a little bit more about you, Betsy?

[00:29:55:19 - 00:30:04:21]

Betsy

 I'm on social media, LinkedIn and on Facebook. So they could look for me there if they wanted to get in touch and chat. That would be just fine.

[00:30:04:21 - 00:30:18:06]

Valerie

 All right. Thank you so much. So, before we conclude our conversation, Betsy, I'd love to hear some words of encouragement from you to our parents, raising children with disabilities. What message would you like to offer them to give them hope and support?

[00:30:21:00 - 00:30:44:16]

Betsy

 I think sometimes we're too hard on ourselves. We think we've got to know everything, have it all figured out. You don't and you never will. You're the expert on your own kid and you're doing your best. So that's okay. You got to give yourself some grace, right? And trust that if you can honor your values and your child's values, that things are going to work out, right? Lots of help out there.

[00:30:44:16 - 00:30:59:04]

Valerie

 There is, there is. And we need to ask for it and we don't need to be ashamed of asking for it because at the end of the day, we're here to support each other and that's what we're all about. 

Betsy

 Exactly. Yeah. 

Valerie

 Well, thank you again, Betsy. It's been great.

Betsy

 Very welcome.

[00:31:00:08 - 00:31:27:20]

Valerie

 Audience, I want you to remember to live with intention and embrace the journey. Thanks for joining me today on Forever Home for our kids with disabilities. I hope today's episode gave you something new to think about and it increased your confidence on your journey. If you found this episode helpful, do tell others about it. Use the text feature to let me know your questions. Tell me what you want to know. Until next time, take care and keep building your child's future.