The Abundant Practitioner Podcast By Dr Tilean
Welcome to our podcast channel. I'm Dr. Tilean, a Chartered Psychologist and Behaviour Change Expert turned Business Mentor for Practitioners, Coaches and Consultants who want to start and scale their own purpose-led business so they can live a soul-nourished and profitable life without compromise!
The Abundant Practitioner Podcast By Dr Tilean
Ep. 74: “I’m Responsible for It All” — Breaking Free From the Lie That’s Burning You Out
Are you carrying it all… but secretly crumbling under the weight? Do you feel strong on the outside… but overstretched on the inside?
In this honest and soul-awakening episode of The Abundant Practitioner Podcast, Dr. Tilean shines a divine spotlight on a belief so many purpose-led visionaries silently carry: “I’m responsible for it all.”
You’ll be guided through a deeply reflective (and transformational!) conversation that explores:
- Why “being the strong one” is keeping you stuck in burnout
- How overfunctioning blocks your ability to truly receive
- The real reason rest feels wrong and how to reclaim it
- How to recognise the hidden energetic leaks in your business and life
- Why your nervous system may not be ready for the next level you’re asking for
Using the analogy of mental tabs and invisible labour, Dr. Tilean reveals how carrying everything in your head, heart, and household silently sabotages your mission.
This isn’t about doing less, it’s about doing things differently, from a place of faith, peace, and soul-aligned capacity.
This is the episode to replay when you're on the verge of burnout… but still whispering “I’ve got it.”
Ready to lighten the load and lead with clarity?
If you’re building or scaling a faith-first business and want step-by-step guidance, accountability, and strategy rooted in purpose, Join The Soul Success Business Academy.
Learn how to grow from five figures a year to five figures a month, soulfully. Go to: https://academy.drtilean.com/starthere
If you're ready to rewire your relationship to success from the inside out — mind, body, spirit, and systems, Join The Calm CEO™.
Discover how to lead with peace, scale from overflow, and serve from alignment. Go to: https://discover.drtilean.com/calmceo
Good Vibes Always,
Dr. Tilean x
Thank you for joining me today on The Abundant Practitioner Podcast. I’m so glad you carved out this time for yourself because you 100% deserve soul-nourishing and soul-aligned success!
If you’re keen to dive deeper into my world, here are my socials where you can learn more about how I specifically help Health & Wellbeing practitioners start and scale their own soul-aligned and profitable coaching business. As a fellow practitioner who has been operating in the online coaching world since 2015, I’m excited to help you successfully navigate it too. You can also reach out to me on these platforms, if you have any questions!
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Thanks again for tuning in, and I'll see you next time on The Abundant Practitioner Podcast!
Welcome to our podcast, designed for psychologists, therapists and counsellors who want to take their business online and live a soul, nourished and profitable life without compromise. If you want to know the secrets used by practitioners just like you to navigate the global e-learning market successfully, then you're in the right place. I'm Dr Talib, chartered Psychologist, business Mentor and your host, and welcome to the Abundant Practitioner Podcast. What I'm talking about today is I'm responsible for it all, and breaking free from a lie that that is potentially burning you out. Yeah, now, that weight of responsibility. Right, everyday life. When I say lie, it's like the mind could be like well, it's not a lie, like I am responsible for it all, like I've got to ensure that I'm making the right moves. Right, because if I make the wrong move, things crumble. There's children, there's a household, there's team, there's a business, there's myself, there's all sorts of things that are going on, and so the practicalities of day-to-day life show up and create this perspective of I'm responsible for it all. Can you not see? Right, I'm responsible for it all. Yeah, I'm responsible for it all and therefore I need to be very careful. I need to make calculated risks, I need to assess each decision right. I need to do all these things in order to ensure everything remains as held together as it can.
Speaker 1:Right, and that is weight. That's a backpack, right, a heavy backpack. Yeah, that can keep you. Yeah, that can keep you stuck in situations that you know you're meant to exit from. That can keep you expenditure in energy In ways that is not serving you and those around you. Right, you know it creates even a sense of false power, right, you know someone was sharing, right of like, like the control dynamic of it. Right, I'm in control. You know I'm in control. I'm responsible for the whole world. Right, it all boils down to me. Yeah, right, it's weighty, like, I've so been there and I've seen it in clients, in whether they are, it doesn't matter, even if they're in relationships, or if they're running a business and they have a team, or if they're in a household and there's other grown adults in there. Right, they're running with this, this weight. Yeah, um, and everybody has their perspective on why my weight is my weight. Yeah, and I've got to be in control. And when God forbid, right, but when life presents scenarios where you can not be in control, right, it puts a different perspective on it.
Speaker 1:This is then when we can spiral into spaces and places't feel good. We can feel anxious, we can feel like breathless, right. We can feel like trapped in, like how do I navigate this? I can't even be in control anymore. Yeah, I remember, you know, when I had my first child.
Speaker 1:I've got two, two little boys right and the eldest. I remember when I first became a mom and it was like it felt relentless, like every hour and a half he was awake, he was awake, he was awake, right, and yet I still had a business, I still had a team, I still had, you know, like life, right, and it was like, and I'm responsible for it all, not just this little child that I'm like figuring out, but everything else, yeah, and that's just one example of when you can kind of fall into this space of like how do I operate? How do I do this? What happens? Yeah, and so this control side can come up, right, where it's like I now have lost control. But is it really true we can regain control? What does it mean to even have control?
Speaker 1:This is where rules need to be rewritten. Right, I'm responsible for it. All is a rule that you have created, based on perspectives, based on modeling, based on all sorts of things, right, but it's a rule, it's a mantra that you've adopted, that you've owned, right, it's like I've got to figure it out, me, me, me, and if I'm not involved, the world just crumbles. Right, my world crumbles. Yeah, now you know this has to be addressed, because when there's when you're carrying that, it's such a weight and if we think about you carrying physically weight on you that is not yours to carry, it's heavy. It's heavy, heavy physically, heavy emotionally, right, Heavy spiritually, yeah, and so you know it really impacts every element of your life, right, what happens is it becomes a pattern.
Speaker 1:You know, maybe it's the mantra that's been with you for a decade, decades. It's all you've ever known, it's all you've ever heard, right, it's how you've been operating. The mind can't even necessarily think of another way. Yeah, and that's what I want to really dive into in how this is creating burnout, in how this is creating or, and how this is creating or over functioning, right, how this is creating, um, habits that are not allowing you to serve from an overflow, because there's probably not an overflow that's happening as well as it needs to happen, right, because, ultimately, there's different truths that are happening here, right when you are holding onto that mantra and operating from that mantra, because that has become just the way life is. Right, it's like that's the t-shirt I was given and I'm wearing it and that's how I've been wearing it and that's just my life. Can you not see? Right, here's what's happening. Yeah, there's some truths that are going on Energetic leaks right, if we really assessed it, if we really done an audit, right, an audit of your life?
Speaker 1:Right, an audit of what's gone on for the past, even just we took a snapshot and looked at the past month, right, we could work out whether there's some energetic leaks happening. Are there where? Places where you're giving away energy? Right, because you're just used to holding it together, you're just used to holding it together, you're just used to holding it together. Right, that it's not. Oh wait, it doesn't have to be you in the equation holding it together, but it's become that it's you in the equation holding it all together, and so you're giving away energy in places that you don't need to. So what do I mean by this?
Speaker 1:Right, let me give you a business example and I'll give you a life example, right? So, business example yeah, you have something planned, right, you're? You're in project focus, right. Maybe you've planned a whole day to focus on a project, yeah, or an afternoon, or whatever that might be, but you get sidetracked replying to non-urgent messages. You get sidetracked fixing a canva error for somebody else right. You get sidetracked to answering emails that don't even require your input or need a response right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you just pulled different directions. Pulled different directions because you're so used to being reactive, you're so used to being responsive, right, and so the ability to carve out time and space to just sit in and do what you need to do is limited because there's distractions. Right, there's no boundary there. If there is a boundary, you're not honoring it. Right, that's become your standard, right? Remember, a standard is not what you aspire to. A standard is how you're reliving your life. So, if your standard is, I'm responsible for it all. If your standard is, people can get me at any given time. It doesn't matter what I'm focused on, right, that's the standard you're operating from, and this conversation, I would hope, enables you to think about what are the standards that I have and what can change, you know, let me give you a life example.
Speaker 1:Right, in the fact of like it's bedtime, you're exhausted. It's time to rest. However, the rule is, the house needs to be put back together. I can't possibly go to bed and there's laundry that needs folding. I can't possibly go to bed and there's something else that needs doing, right, whatever it might be. I can't possibly go to bed because I haven't had enough downtime, so let me just scroll Instagram and Facebook for an hour or whatever it might be right. Or scroll the school WhatsApp chat or whatever it is. Yeah, snapchat or whatever it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and because there's a belief like I've got to stay on top of it all. I've got to stay on top of it all. If I don't stay on top of it all, what does that make of me? What does that mean? Everything will fall apart. I am the person that's got to fold the laundry. I am the person that's got to check the school emails. I am the person that's got to check the school emails. I am the person that's got to reset the house. I whatever that might be and it's not necessarily has to be your truth that truth gets to be reassessed. That can be uncomfortable because it's become your truth for however long you've been doing that, right, but it doesn't have to remain your truth, yeah.
Speaker 1:And so there is a part sometimes where people are holding onto this narrative of I need to over-function to feel safe. I need to over-function to be purposeful. I need to over-function to be valid. Right To be enough. Yeah, so I hope this is making sense, right? Let's look at another concept where this can come in. Right, I have to hold it all because of strength. There's a full narrative, a false narrative, that to hold it all means because I've got to be the strong one. Right, I've got to be the strong one. I'm the one that's always handled it. The false power right, that's what I'm talking about. Right, that control in disguise. Right, that control in disguise. I've got to do it. It's down to me. I'm in control, right?
Speaker 1:This is when people find it really hard to delegate, to ask for help and vocalize their needs. Right To allow themselves to be in a state of rest that if they're resting because they're so used to not resting, it feels wrong, it feels like a crime. Right, you know. And so it's like you are. You know, this can look like when, instead of um allowing support to come in, you then just do the thing. You know, I'll just do it. I'll do it quicker myself, I'll do it better myself. I'll clean before the cleaner comes. Right, you know, I'll do it better myself, right, like there's even times when people hire delegate support but they don't even receive the support because their control seeps in before that.
Speaker 1:You know like it's like when this is this, this control piece, can really look like when somebody even offers you help, you might even say yes, but you'll recheck it. Help, you might even say yes, but you'll recheck it, you'll redo it. Yeah, help me with the children's packed lunch. Oh, but let me double check the children's packed lunch. Right, you know now it.
Speaker 1:And that might be like, because sometimes, when we're asking for support, there is that there is that ability that the person that's supporting you or where the support is coming from, it's not gonna get done like how you do it because it's not you doing it, but it doesn't mean that you have to continue doing it. Right, you could support someone to be of support to you, right, you know so it's really about like protecting peace, controlling outcome. Protecting peace, controlling outcome, rewriting rules, rewriting narratives Right, is everything that I'm doing for me to do? Right, could this be delegated, automated, someone else do it. You can still hold a value of having a clean home and you not be the one cleaning it. Right, you know. So sometimes people feel like, if they like I have to hold it all together. But it's not the case and there's so many ways around this. It doesn't matter, like, where you are in whatever part of your life journey. There are ways to to let go of this weight Right, bit by bit by bit, and this is definitely some of the work that we are doing within the Calm CEO. Right, bit by bit by bit, and this is definitely some of the work that we are doing within the Calm CEO. Right, that's what I've created. I'm like.
Speaker 1:Every person around the world needs to know how to just operate in a way where they can look after and regulate their nervous system Right, where they can rewrite the narratives where they get to do things differently. Rewrite the narratives where they get to do things differently. Yeah, you know exactly. Right, we learn through modeling, verbal conditioning, experiences. Right, what we hear, what we see, what we read. Right, what is told to us. If you want to done it right, do it yourself. Want to done it right, do it yourself. Yeah, and it's on repeat. It's become the radio station. It's become the radio station and now your radio station needs an upgrade, right, it's like where you are, what you, where you are heading, what is the narratives that you need to hold now? What is the narratives that you need to hold now? Then there's the invisible labor. Right, you know the mental load that no one else sees. Yeah, in your head you are carrying so much.
Speaker 1:Oh, we did a task in there, con CEO, right, like it was like. What is everything your head? What are the decisions that you're holding right now? How many pages do you think you could write out of decisions that you're holding on right now? Right, responsibilities, ideas, if we think about that, or what needs to be done in the home. What are you going to cook for dinner tonight? What time someone needs to be done in the home? What are you going to cook for dinner tonight? What time someone needs to be picked up? Did they get this? What's happening at church? What's happening in the business? Oh, I've got a book idea, like literally all the things you have in action. The things are like we went into that and how to shift the relationship, because if you just took a moment and wrote down all the different things that were going on in.
Speaker 1:Like, just think of your mind as tabs you know, computer tabs, right? How many tabs have you got open? Yeah, how many tabs are open? And if we think about that, if we think about tabs that are open, if we think about a phone that has different apps running, right, what happens when your phone has different apps running? There's so many different apps running, right, you might get notifications saying there's X amount of apps running and it's draining your battery. Same for you as a human. How many tabs have you got open that are draining your battery?
Speaker 1:The mental load, the invisible labor right, that's going. You know it's like that responsibility. There's no system, life systems in place that supporting you to put down the invisible load, and so you're carrying it all up here. You're carrying it all internally, right? The birthday gift I've got to get, email that I've got to make to the school, the new project that's got to happen, the email that I didn't respond to, this urgent request that came in. This project that I'm doing, this funnel that I'm creating, is the household. Have we got enough food in the fridge? Whatever, it might be Right that what you are carrying in silence is what I'm talking about, and that belief that because if I am not carrying it, who else will?
Speaker 1:But it gets to be different. That's not the only solution. If I'm not carrying it all, if I'm not holding it all together, who else will? There's a whole another way to look at that, right, and that's why I was like this is where we need to start in this calm ceo, because far too many leaders, entrepreneurs, creators, practitioners, right, are carrying way too much stuff within their bodies that they're not even energetically in a space where they can even receive more, even though they like psychologically, like they're like I want more, I want to hold more responsibility, I want more clients, I want more money, I want more this, I want more whatever. Right, like your nervous system, your body's not got the capacity to expand. Yeah, you know. So this is like really what like this is the conversation you know, recognizing business bottlenecks, life bottlenecks, right, like what is stalling your success, what is stalling your ability to grow in capacity? A lot of times, the internal stuff. It's not strategic.
Speaker 1:So, as you listen to everything I've shared on this topic, I really want you to lean in and reflect on what your standards are currently, what they have been around holding it all together, around being that person that's got to hold it all together. Hold it all together in all sorts of ways, shapes or forms, right, and actually, what if? What if I could really have a level of faith that it didn't all rely on me? What if I didn't have to? What if I could allow one God to really drop in the mix? But maybe I'm not even creating the space for even that to happen, and so I've got to do everything in my own strength. Right, you know?
Speaker 1:Like the scripture that I love, right, is I can do all things. Who, christ, who strengthens me? Yeah, but really understanding what that means and how to let that play out in your life is a whole nother concept. You know, sometimes people just walk with that scripture and they're like, yeah, I can do it, but it's like they're not really operating in a way that allows them to do that. They're not even creating space to allow Christ in, to allow God to drop in and support you. Right, because it's like it's on me. It's on me, and so I ask you and I invite you to think about where am I going to release, even if it's just a one percent release, there's a release that gets to happen after today's conversation, to allow you to invite more peace in, to allow you to invite more clarity in, to allow you to invite more clarity in, to allow you to invite more support in and more direction. Okay, so that's what I've got to say on the matter.