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Will You Survive... The Podcast
Immerse yourself in the world of cinema as we embark on a journey to equip you with the skills to tackle any disaster head-on. Through the lens of thrilling tales, particularly those of the zombie apocalypse, we'll unravel the secrets of preparedness. Join us as we explore the silver screen to empower you for the challenges that lie ahead.
Will You Survive... The Podcast
The Survivors Auction: A Carnival of Horrors
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Ever wondered what survival gear you'd choose if your life depended on it? In this uniquely structured episode, Alex and TJ face an auction house scenario where their survival coins must be spent strategically on unexpected items – from anxiety-ridden tracking dogs to family-sized Hot Cheetos.
The premise quickly unfolds into absurdist comedy as our contestants build their survival loadouts through competitive bidding wars. "I can't believe I just paid 12 survival dollars for beans," Alex laments, while TJ secures a rusty machete that grants "plus one unspookiness" – a quality that proves surprisingly valuable when the scenario is revealed: surviving a haunted carnival until dawn.
What makes this episode particularly entertaining is watching our hosts justify how their random assortment of items provides survival advantages. TJ's controversial decision to consume his emotional support raccoon to "absorb its powers" leads to heated debates about the mechanics of such abilities. Meanwhile, Alex cleverly uses his fish-smelling tarp to repel ghosts and his Hot Cheetos to create diversions.
The competition takes unexpected turns with dice rolls introducing plot twists – TJ gains the ability to double-jump like Mario, while Alex finds himself transported to the eerie Backrooms dimension. Their passionate arguments about whether someone who has absorbed raccoon powers would be attracted to Hot Cheetos showcase the show's signature blend of ridiculous logic and committed roleplaying.
Whether you're a survival enthusiast or just love watching friends argue about imaginary scenarios with increasing intensity, this episode delivers laughs while subtly making you consider what resources you'd prioritize in a crisis. Subscribe now and join the debate about whether Crocs are edible (spoiler: they're definitely not).
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Hello survivors and welcome to another episode of Will you Survive? The Podcast. Today I'm going to bring my two contestants, alex that's me and TJ.
Speaker 2What the fuck is up, Kyle?
Speaker 1There is no, kyle, but we are going to an auction, guys.
Speaker 3Okay, Jimmy.
Speaker 1Not again.
Speaker 3Okay we're going to move past that.
Speaker 2Warning I'm black. Warning, it was just a joke. Warning.
Speaker 3That was ridiculous.
Speaker 1I do want to mention that we are recording this on the 4th of July.
Speaker 3Yes, we are.
Speaker 1To freedom With that irony and humor also just a warning that there may be fireworks in our mics.
Speaker 3It's true.
Speaker 1It might not come through. Oh yeah, they will.
Speaker 2It'll come through mine, guaranteed so yeah, we'll see.
Speaker 1Are you guys ready? Because so I've I. I texted you guys about this idea, but I gave you guys very little details. Are you guys ready to experience this?
Speaker 3yeah, but you didn't text me about an idea. You said you had a concept of an idea.
Speaker 1No, I said I had concepts of a plan, concepts of a plan.
Speaker 2I mean, that sounds super fleshed out.
Speaker 1Yeah, wait till you guys see it. I feel like you guys are going to actually be impressed by this, and then you're going to feel so silly.
Speaker 3Okay.
Speaker 1Okay, are we ready? I'm ready. Okay, this is broken up into acts. I'm ready, Alex, Act one the auction house. The Auction House. The Auction House. Welcome to the Auction House.
Speaker 2All right, I thought it was going to be. Jeopardy for a second. I thought you stole my idea That'd be hilarious.
Speaker 1Each of you have been given by me, your lovely government and central bank, 100 survivor coins. Okay, okay, I am going to list 10 different survival items, one at a time, yep, and you two will bid on said items with your coins to build your loadout. Okay, are we ready? I?
Speaker 1am ready, ready Okay 100 coins, you say Hang on, I need a way to keep track of your guys' points. Two seconds, I didn't think about this, I thought of everything else. I thought of everything else. Okay, first item Are we ready, ready? First up, we have a lovely rusty machete named Cuddles. Let's start the bid at one coin. We got one coin.
Speaker 2Three coins.
Speaker 1Three coins for TJ. Three coins for TJ.
Speaker 3Three coins for TJ going once 3.2 coins, no four coins.
Speaker 1Four coins for Alex. Four coins for Alex.
Speaker 2Five coins.
Speaker 1Five coins for TJ. Five coins for TJ. Can we get seven? Can we get seven coins? No Five, you don't want to go anymore. No Going once, going twice. Alright, our rusty machete named Cuddles goes to TJ for five coins. Congratulations, tj.
Speaker 3I'm getting a shiny, bright, beautiful kukuri Just had to get it.
Speaker 1I do suggest that you guys keep track of your items. I will also keep track of your items, but it will help if you keep track of yours as well. The second item we have coming in oh, this one's a doozy, this one's a good one. We have a bag of hot Cheetos and it is a family size. Can we start the bid at at one coin? One coin, one survivor coin, one survivor coin.
Speaker 1I'll do one coin okay, one coin for alex. Can we get two coins? Can we get two coins? Two coins, two coins, tj. Two, two, two. You are still muted.
Speaker 2Two coins I'm not even saying anything. Two coins two coins.
Speaker 1Yep, two coins. Oh okay, two coins for tj, two coins for tj for the hot cheetos. These are in hot commodity. This is a family size. This is big, big bang for your buck can we get three coins?
Speaker 3yeah?
Speaker 1can we get three coins from alex, three coins?
Speaker 3yeah, I'll do three coins, three coins for alex.
Speaker 1Can we get four coins from tj, four coins for tj, four coins, four coins going once, three coins going twice, three coins sold to Alex, who gets a bag of Hot Cheetos.
Speaker 2I got you bitten high for them. Hot Cheetos Guys. Just so you know, this is sponsored by this new coin we found it's called Survivor Coin.
Speaker 1Has our logo on it and everything.
Speaker 2Not even affiliated, but we are sponsored by them. Make sure to go over there and buy some, because it's going to be so worth it in the future.
Speaker 1Yeah, go to overtherecom, overtherecom. All right, that was for three coins, right.
Speaker 3Now give me the Cheetos or I'll use the machete.
Speaker 1Okay, you now have a bag of Hot Cheetos, family size, in your possession. Item number three Rolling out in the cart we have a beautiful waterproof tarp that smells like fish. Fish smelling tarp. Going for two coins, two coins. Anybody. Two coins, two coins can we go one, two coins oh, two coins for alex. Can we get three coins from tj?
Speaker 2three coins from tj I was wondering when alex put his blanket up for auction, but two coins going once two coins going twice my towel two coins sold to alex
Speaker 1wow, you guys are you guys are getting these for so cheap. You have a hundred. If you expect the items to get better, you should. You should maybe start bidding differently. What did I? Bid for my machete uh, five, okay, which is crazy, by the way yeah very crazy.
Speaker 2I didn't want him to have it. Now he has fucking hot Cheetos and a smelly tarp. It's crazy that I went for five All right, I guess he can't use that tarp for navigation, though that's a pretty good, I knew it.
Speaker 1Tarp is square, square equals map. I knew it was going to come around to that one night. You, you just wait. Number four we have rolling out here on the cart a solar-powered charger.
Speaker 3Solar-powered charger.
Speaker 1Can we start the bid off with five, maybe Five coins?
Speaker 2I didn't know. Dodge made an electric version of their charger.
Speaker 1For the solar-powered charger. Can we get five coins? Can we get three coins, Three coins from anybody?
Speaker 3I'll do two coins, two coins from Alex.
Speaker 1Okay, can we get three coins? Three coins from anybody. I'll do two coins. Two coins from Alex. Okay, can we get three coins from TJ? Three coins for TJ? I'll do four. Four coins for Alex, four coins for. Alex Five coins for TJ. Can we get six coins? I'll get six coins Six coins from Alex, can we get seven? Can we get seven from TJ? Going once Six coins, going twice Six coins sold Seven coins.
Speaker 2I have a feeling at the end of this he's going to be like you do not survive. You are the weakest link.
Speaker 1Goodbye, I already decided Okay, this next item is a big one, this is a big one. I expect a lot of money or not, I guess it kind of just depends on you guys. But are we ready?
Speaker 3Yep.
Speaker 1Yep Yep 10 coins. Fifth item let's bring out a dog with anxiety but excellent tracking skills. A dog with anxiety, but excellent tracking skills. Tj started the bit off with 10 coins. Can we get 15? 15.? Can we get 15? 10 coins going?
Speaker 3once I'll go 12 coins 12 coins for Alex.
Speaker 1Can we get more? 12 coins going. 13 coins from TJ. Can we get any more than 13? Can we get more than 13? 13 going once, 13 coins going twice. 13 coins sold to TJ. Who gets a dog with anxiety?
Speaker 3That is awesome. That dog is going to give away your location every chance it gets. I'll name him me.
Speaker 1His name is Scooby.
Speaker 2It's me the dog.
Speaker 1That's pretty funny, and you, the cat yeah.
Speaker 3Oh damn, James just went hard in the comments and said food.
Speaker 2For auction the dog oh.
Speaker 1There's a kitten on screen. Next item, we have pulling up on the cart a single crock. It is the left one.
Speaker 2What size?
Speaker 1It is a ten and a half and we start the bid off with one coin.
Speaker 2They're edible. You know that the fuck crocs are edible?
Speaker 1I don't. I don't think that's true.
Speaker 2They're non-toxic look look it up right now, non-toxic does not mean edible.
Speaker 1They're edible. That just means it's not toxic. It doesn't mean that it's edible. Can we have a let's? This is completely irrelevant to this conversation, okay this is absolutely ridiculous. No, they're not edible I can't believe I'm letting this get derailed by this crocs are not edible and should not be consumed. They contain no nutrients that are madefrom a foam material called Cross Light which is intended solely for footwear. Yeah, in what world would a croc be edible?
Speaker 2I feel like I heard something about something that was edible, you know.
Speaker 1We're selling these crocs. Can we get a bid going off on one coin? One coin, one coin for anybody.
Speaker 2Oh wait, hang on, I forgot to subtract. He said one croc.
Speaker 1What was it? 12 coins, did he just 13. It was 13? For the dog.
Speaker 2Yeah 13.
Speaker 1Okay, what does that put you at 82. All right, the single crock. One coin, anybody. We can also just pass on it if we want. But 0.1 of a coin you can only bet in whole numbers.
Speaker 2Okay, half a coin 0.5 you drive a hard bargain, but 75 of a coin no coins.
Speaker 1This is not crypto.
Speaker 3This is how that works zero down and zero a month for a very long time. Can I exchange?
Speaker 1them the worst deal in this country's history.
Speaker 2Can I exchange them with a different currency?
Speaker 3No, Can I exchange it for the?
Speaker 1right crock. No, well, if you can find it.
Speaker 3I cannot find it.
Speaker 2I will give you your underwear back if you give me the crock.
Speaker 1Do you want to roll to see if you can find it?
Speaker 3Do I want to roll to see how much it's going to cost me Roll? I don't know if I want to buy it.
Speaker 2I feel like you really want to sell this croc 18.
Speaker 1You find the right croc underneath your seat. I have the right croc.
Speaker 3I have the power.
Speaker 1Left croc for sale. One coin, one coin. One coin going to Alex.
Speaker 2Can I roll to stab him with a machete to get the other croc? No, it's rusty, you can't it's rusty from the blood of my enemies.
Speaker 3You just bought it, you haven't used it on your enemies liar.
Speaker 1I will say that there is a section where you will be able to do something of that sort, but that is not this. Hey, bro, bro, spoilers the fuck okay, one, one coin going, once, one coin. I said one coin you can't bet the same amount, you gotta bet more. Why not we? Can we write paper scissors? That's not how an auction works. Two coins, one coin going twice. Two coins to tj. I can't believe. I let him have that, I'm sorry. Two coins to tj, two coins going once, somehow I'm size 14 for the right you're trying to sell it.
Speaker 3yes, it's under my seat it doesn't even.
Speaker 2I can't even wear it. Do you want to buy the right croc? I can't even wear them. I'm size 14.
Speaker 3You, son of a bitch, you're just buying them for no reason.
Speaker 1Yeah, Two coins going twice again somehow.
Speaker 3Go ahead, I don't want that shit.
Speaker 1Two coins the left croc is sold to TJ.
Speaker 3You just spent two coins on a croc you can't wear.
Speaker 1And Alex has a right croc, I guess you can you just can't wear it in sport mode. It is not edible.
Speaker 2I can use it to filter water. There are holes on it.
Speaker 3The dog is edible.
Speaker 2Somebody please, james said so you put, like rocks, and sand, in a croc and then you pour it through, and then they'll pour through the seventh item. Rolling out is a grappling hook I can't pull myself up, I can't do fucking pull-ups.
Speaker 1Take that shit it magically pulls you up for you oh it is like batman's grappling hook.
Speaker 2One coin what?
Speaker 1the One coin. Okay, two, two coins. You guys are the most stingiest fucking bettors. Two coins.
Speaker 2Go ahead, Alex.
Speaker 1Three coins for TJ. Four coins for Alex.
Speaker 2Five coins, can I hear?
Speaker 1five, five coins for TJ Six. Six coins for Alex. Can I hear seven, eight, eight coins for TJ? Six, six coins for Alex? Can I hear seven, eight, eight coins for TJ? Wow, big spender. Nine, nine, oh God, these guys. Twelve For Alex, twelve for TJ, we're getting there. Twelve for TJ, thirteen, thirteen for Alex.
Speaker 2Fourteen Can we?
Speaker 1hear fifteen. Fourteen for TJ. Can we hear more than 15? 19 for TJ in the legal range.
Speaker 2That was crazy Wow.
Speaker 3I loved it. I loved it.
Speaker 2You heard it here first, here first, guys, I'm gonna fuck the grappling hook at 19 can I hear 20 no, too old, grandma, too old oh boy okay, so 19 I toast.
Speaker 1Oh boy, Okay, so 19? I toast who even bet?
Speaker 219? I don't even remember. I bet 19.
Speaker 3In the legal range. Okay, going once, going twice.
Speaker 1Okay, so the DJ got the 19-year-old grappling hook Score.
Speaker 3No wonder why it could pull you up on its own. Has it ever been?
Speaker 2shot before. No, let's go Okay.
Speaker 1Okay, let's go Okay.
Speaker 2Oh fuck, now for a commercial break, they're here who the zombies?
Speaker 1I thought the gate would stop them. They knocked it down instantly.
Speaker 3How much time do we have? They're already here, we should have bought that beautiful Los Angeles dream house in that safe neighborhood that Corinne showed us.
Speaker 1I know it was so much more defensible and Corinne would have had us moved in before the apocalypse.
Speaker 3Do you think it's too late to call her now? I'll try, no, no. We should have called Corinne sooner. Don't wait until it's too late. Call Corinne Salas today at 714-510-6443, and buy your Los Angeles dream house now. That's 714-510-6443. You can also find her on Instagram at nexthomebycorinne, or visit her website at corinnesalasnexthomegrandviewcom. That's C-O-R-I-N-N-E-S-A-L-A-S. Dot. Nexthomegrandviewcom.
Speaker 1Okay, the eighth item coming out onto the floor is an emotional support raccoon.
Speaker 3Okay.
Speaker 1His name is Rocket.
Speaker 3Does it?
Speaker 2talk Does it speak English.
Speaker 1Can we get the bid? No, he's just a raccoon. Can we start the bid at 10 coins, 10 coins.
Speaker 3I'll go 10 coins.
Speaker 1Alex for 10 coins Do I hear more than 10? 11 coins for TJ Do I hear 12, 10 coins? Alex for 10 coins Do I hear more than 10? 11 coins for TJ Do I hear 12?
Speaker 312.
Speaker 112 coins for Alex Do I hear 13?. 13. 13 for TJ Do I hear 14?
Speaker 2You know, alex, if you do buy this, it's kind of racist, because I'm going to go 15.
Speaker 1He really wants it 15 coins for. Alex 16 coins for TJ.
Speaker 3The question is is it black with gray or gray with black 17.
Speaker 117.
Speaker 3Not a legal range, nope, just barely under. But I can wait.
Speaker 1That's.
Speaker 3That.
Speaker 1No, no, no, guys, we're getting into dangerous territory I feel like, I led us astray. It was one bad joke, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3I didn't mean to.
Speaker 2It was a great joke Down this road.
Speaker 1Absolutely not 18 for TJ.
Speaker 3I'll go 18.
Speaker 1No, he did 18. You did yeah, I'll go 18. No, he did 18.
Speaker 3You did.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3I just said 17. I didn't know you overbid me.
Speaker 1Yeah, he said 18.
Speaker 3Huh.
Speaker 1He's at least not denying it, but I'm pretty sure I heard him say 18.
Speaker 3Huh, 18 going once 19.
Speaker 119 for Alex, 20. 20 for TJ.
Speaker 3Well.
Speaker 1Going once.
Speaker 3They can buy their own drink 21.
Speaker 121. 22. 22 for TJ. Do I hear 23? 22 going once, 22 going twice 20.
Speaker 222 sold.
Speaker 1Damn it Fuck.
Speaker 2How much was the grappling hook? 19. 19, that's right, oh, that's not math.
Speaker 1Wait, hang on, hang on, this is too much difficult math for me. Here we go. And then this one was 22. All right, so TJ gets. One was 22. Alright, so TJ gets the emotional support raccoon or the emo sup raccoon.
Speaker 2He rides on my anxiety dog with a grappling hook.
Speaker 1He's got a whole zoo going on.
Speaker 2He also wears the left croc as a mask.
Speaker 1The ninth item to roll out onto the floor Two coins. We have three cans of beans. Can we start the bid off at one coin?
Speaker 3What kind of beans?
Speaker 1Interesting question. I do have that written down One pinto, one black and one garbanzo.
Speaker 3Three coins Three coins, four coins.
Speaker 1Four coins for TJ for the ilk beans. Five, four coins. Four coins for tj for the beans, five coins, five coins for tj for alex, six coins for tj. Do I hear seven? Seven seven coins for the beans, for alex eight. Do I hear more than seven? Eight for tj ten ten for alex, eleven, eleven, eleven for TJ. Do I hear 12? 12. 12 for Alex. Do I hear 13?
Speaker 2I'm going once. I just paid 12 fucking survival dollars for beans 12 sold.
Speaker 3It's in the apocalypse. I got a dog for 13. It's worth it.
Speaker 1That is crazy.
Speaker 3It's an anxiety-ridden dog that sounds ridiculous.
Speaker 2I was going to say something else.
Speaker 3I don't have to cook my anxiety ridden beans.
Speaker 1The last item to roll out onto the floor is a functional walkie talkie. What the fuck am I going?
Speaker 2to talk to.
Speaker 1Can we start the bid off at one coin One, one for TJ. Do I hear two, two, two for Alex. Do I hear two, two, two for Alex. Do I hear three Hip, three for TJ. Do I hear four they?
Speaker 2always have a fucking random noise.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's kind of like similar to tennis players Hip Five coins. Five coins for TJ? Do I hear six? Do I hear seven for Alex Seven? Do I hear eight for TJ? Do I hear 7 for Alex 7.? Do I hear 8 for TJ Weep? Do I hear 9 for Alex?
Speaker 315.
Speaker 115 for Alex. Do I hear 20?
Speaker 216. The fuck, why are we jumping 16.?
Speaker 1Because it was already a big jump. It's typically what they do Shut up, you suck point 16. Do I hear 17?
Speaker 3You went to 16 20 20.
Speaker 1See I like this guy, 20 going once, 21, 21 for tj, 21 going once, 21 going twice 25 25 for alex 30, 30 for tj 30 going once 35. 35 for Alex 36. 36 for TJ going once 37. 37 for Alex, 38. 38 for TJ, 40., 40 for Alex, 41., 41 for TJ, 45. And, unfortunately, tj, you only have 41 coins left and Alex had 77, so you were never going to outbid him if you won this one. What do you mean?
Speaker 2Alex, he can see that he's cheating.
Speaker 3Inside information.
Speaker 1Inside information Walkie talkie Idiot yeah, this is like communist. You spent that much for a single walkie talkie idiot.
Speaker 2You spent that much for a single walkie talkie. Who you gonna talk to? Who you gonna fucking talk to Wilson?
Speaker 1I'm gonna talk to Wilson now dummy we move on to act two, the scenario you wake up in a hospital. Shut the fuck up. You wake up inside a haunted carnival at night. The gates are sealed shut and the only way out is to survive until dawn. But each hour, one part of the carnival hunts you and tries to kill you. Now, before we carry on with that, I have some information to give you guys about your items. Are you ready? Yep, so TJ, the rusty machete grants you one unspookiness, so you get plus one unspookiness.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 1Now with these items. Let me kind of backtrack for just a second. Let me clarify this is highly reliant on you guys, using these items with your creativity to justify why these items would help you survive. Okay, this scenario. So there are no specific situations to go through? Uh, but you have these items, you will receive these buffs or debuffs on these items and you will then use said items to justify why you would survive this night better than the other person. Okay, using your loadout. So, tj, your rusty machete named cuddles gives you plus one unspookiness Pretty important, alex, your bag of hot Cheetos attracts raccoons and ghost children. Yeah, I do suggest writing these down.
Speaker 2I'm writing I got my green book.
Speaker 1Alex, the waterproof tarp I have written down smells like fish. Gross. Go stay away from me because you stink. Number four a solar or sorry, yeah, number four, a solar powered charger. It only works in the sun because the charger is powered solar. So what? It was charged already. It doesn't have a battery, it's just a charger. But it's a solar powered charger, don. It was charged already.
Speaker 1It doesn't have a battery, it's just a charger, but it's a solar-powered charger. No question of logic. It only works in the sun. The dog with anxiety, tj. This dog can sniff out hidden exits and ghost footprints. Number six, by the way. I have these in green and red, whether they're buffs and debuffs, this is a buff. Who had the left croc, tj. Yep, it's just a croc, but it's a Lightning McQueen croc and it has a Tow, mater gibbet, because that's his best friend.
Speaker 2Duh.
Speaker 1And then I guess, Alex, you have the right croc of just Lightning McQueen, but no gibbets, so not as cool. Number seven the 19-year-old grappling hook. There's no rope, so it is literally just a hook on a gun Killer ham. Number eight the emotional support raccoon. This one has a couple things, TJ One it can retrieve small items from locked or cursed areas. It is immune to mind control and capable of holding grudges on your behalf.
Speaker 2Wait say that again.
Speaker 1It's immune to mind control and capable of holding grudges on your behalf. Okay, the downsides it may enter a blood feud with animatronics.
Speaker 2Okay, good to know.
Speaker 1The can of beans. I just had written down which kinds of beans they were, but you already asked that question. So just to clarify pinto, black and garbanzo, the functional walkie-talkie, it's only the one walkie-talkie. You don't have the set. So with that that, you guys have your notes, you guys have your loadouts. Now would you like me to repeat the scenario, or do you guys? You guys pretty solid on that. Uh, repeat it please. You wake up inside a haunted carnival at night. The gates are sealed shut. The only way out is to survive until dawn, but each hour one part of the carnival hunts you and tries to kill you. How does your loadout help you survive this encounter? And I am Call it.
Speaker 2I don't have a lot of criteria.
Speaker 1Yeah, okay, anybody want to volunteer to go first?
Speaker 2I mean, he seems more well equipped, totally so I see more well equipped and beans and such.
Speaker 1You do have a tarp and beans and such I realized, though I don't have a can opener that is actually one of the downsides I had written down for that. I forgot to say there is no can opener yeah.
Speaker 3Yeah, but I could throw it at TJ's raccoon. You could, because my hot Cheetos attract raccoons and ghost children. But I can eat my hot Cheetos in my fish smelling tarp and the ghost children aren't going to come near me, because that's true Gross.
Speaker 1He does smell like fish Ghosts can't smell.
Speaker 2The smell goes right through them. This fish smell is pretty putrid. Okay, maybe ghosts like that.
Speaker 1It literally seeps into the afterlife.
Speaker 3It says they run away. It repels ghosts. Yeah, pay attention.
Speaker 2I don't need to pay attention to his shit, you pay attention to my shit.
Speaker 1Well, why are you paying attention to my shit? Then it might benefit to pay attention to his shit.
Speaker 3Back off.
Speaker 1Because he remembered that the Hot Cheetos, what was it Attracts?
Speaker 2raccoons Attracts your raccoon. Are we in the same?
Speaker 1place. Well, I mean, yeah, you guys can mess with each other. Like I said later on, you would be able to mess with each other. Now is the time to mess with each other.
Speaker 2Oh, but you the time to mess with each other, oh well, but you're also trying to survive, okay, so?
Speaker 1you explain how your items could affect the other slash, make you survive better, okay all right, I think I, I think I could go first okay, all right, I feel like I might go first shut up, you.
Speaker 3You waited too long present your case so I can't use the solar charger at all. Uh, it's just gonna weigh me down I mean, you could try I paid six coins for absolutely nothing.
Speaker 3But I do have one functioning walkie talkie now, because it's only the one. That means that when I turn it on, all I get is white noise. Using the white noise, I'm going to wrap myself in this fish-smelling tarp trying to find the ghosts while dropping hot Cheetos around to lure TJ's raccoon to the hot Cheetos. While I'm attracting ghost children toward the raccoon that is true, and I'm going to listen to them on the one walkie talkie white noise trying to communicate with them at least to find out where they are throughout the night so that I can listen in when they are trying to hunt me. And wherever TJ is, I'm going to try to lead his raccoon to the ghosts using my hot Cheetos. Family size pack.
Speaker 3That is true, true it's a lot of hot cheetos so that I can maneuver away while the ghosts fuck with him and his dog, which his dog has anxiety now I do want to say, um, ghosts are not the only thing at this cursed carnival.
Speaker 1Uh, this is just an evil carnival in general. So what are some other things that could potentially that that these, this loadout, could potentially help you, uh, survive? Well, what else are there? I mean, let's use your imagination. What else, uh, what, what could you, could you use to prepare yourself? What kind of like? I'm thinking like, you know, there's clowns and there's strong men and there's, you know, there's the, the lion tamer, and it's carnival. It's a carnival. A different part of the carnival is going to come at you every hour. So I'm not asking for like a full, extensive list of everything that's going to come after you, but just like one or two ways that your items can protect you.
Speaker 3So my can of beans are. I can't open them, so my best bet is to use them as blunt instruments, throwing beans that I can either throw or smack across somebody's head.
Speaker 1You heard of throwing knives. You ever heard of throwing cans? That's what I'm working on, I'm with it.
Speaker 3My same kind of concept with the solar charger that only works in the sun. I don't see any other benefit to the solar charger other than I mean it's going to absorb light, so it won't be any kind of a reflector, but it's kind of blunt so I can try to smack something with it. It has a cord on it, unless it's like a fucking USB cord that's just going to fall out. I mean, let's assume it's steady.
Speaker 1It's a sturdy cord.
Speaker 3So I can do a little, uh, swing around and whack. It's not very long, but you know it gives me a foot, sure, maybe?
Speaker 3and uh with your throwing cans, in the other hand with my throwing cans in the other hand, okay, and I'm gonna try to protect my walkie talkie in the event that some of these other things come at me. Um, the other thing, of course, is if a uh, evil clown comes at me, I'm going to try to uh, I'm going to try to maneuver around it. Stick some hot Cheetos in its pants so the ghost children come and attack him. Hmm, solid.
Speaker 1Okay, I'm here for that. Uh, the ghost children will end up turning on their own because they crave the hot Cheetos, and I do agree with that. All right, cheetos, and I do agree with that. All right, tj, explain how your loadout would help you survive various different encounters at a haunted carnival, I mean, like it's haunted right, but my machete gives plus one unspooky. So you're pretty brave.
Speaker 2It's pretty unspooky to you yeah, like I'm not even stressed about it and I got my raccoon and my dog unless the spooky is plus nine, I feel like
Speaker 1he did, you did walk in with a whole pack an anxiety dog gets rid of your anxiety, you know.
Speaker 2So I feel like there it has a, like you know, a buff to yourself when you're in proximity this is a dog with anxiety exactly that's gonna add to your anxiety no, because you're not even stressed about it, because you know you got the plus one unspooky, so you're not even fucking spooked out, you're not even anxious right, so you just got, you know you're just comforting the dog, you're not even worried about it true, okay, here for that, yeah I think that dog would cancel out the unspooky, because that dog would be whining and crying and jittering at every single thing and you're going to have to calm it down every single time.
Speaker 1I don't know, the rusty machete named Cuddles does make him look pretty tough. What else? What are some other?
Speaker 2I have a gun. What Grappling hook, right, you do, you do. Yeah, it's basically a fucking gun, it's basically a fucking gun, sure With one round With one round, but I mean one hook, but my raccoon can just retrieve it.
Speaker 1It can retrieve small items.
Speaker 2And if I miss, and it goes really far away into a cursed place, he can still go get it.
Speaker 1That is a very useful use of that. What if it goes?
Speaker 3out of, except for when it wanders off away from you to go get the hook and it gets distracted by my hot cheetos yeah, you know what that I'm not tj, I kind of unfortunately, I kind of almost just assumed that, you know, because like I, I will get hungry and you know I'm not gonna eat the dog, but raccoon could taste pretty good.
Speaker 2So I was. I was kind of thinking like like maybe an hour in I would uh use the machete on the the raccoon and eat it you are only here a night? I would, and yet you decided that within the first hour I would probably gain its ability to go into cursed places and have no mind control.
Speaker 1Um, I think that's actually how it works, so I would like to point out that you are only here a night and after only the first hour, your thought is to kill your raccoon companion and eat it.
Speaker 2Well, no, he wants it to happen, he's, he's on my side, oh, he's chill like that, he is a very chill raccoon. Okay, basically he is an emotional support and then I kind of just like I was looking at him and then I could have swore he was like take my body. You know, I was like I bet he is an emotional support raccoon.
Speaker 2And then I told me while he was coming to get the cheetos places that's not what he said, you know I'll have no mind control and I still have my grappling hook and my left croc. Don't even forget about my left croc. I personally, because, like, if there's like weird kid ghosts and shit, they'll be like dude, that's a sick fucking croc dog and then we'll fucking hang out and I can go back to their place because I absorbed the cursed places ability. I can go in there, I can go hang out with the ghost children we'll be fucking shit, they can pet my dog, bro, and I feel like he'd like that.
Speaker 1You do also have the Tow Mater Jibbit, and that's pretty cool. He has anxiety, that adds, yeah, but that kind of the dog's not going to let ghost children pet it.
Speaker 3It's going to be like the dog in the Haunted Mansion cowering and shivering and crying.
Speaker 2I feel like you're thinking of human anxiety, dog anxiety. Is they get?
Speaker 1freaked out at fireworks so much worse, no, so much worse. Fireworks so much no, no. You freaked out at everything.
Speaker 2So much worse well, I feel like no, no, no, because, like, hear me out, I've had that's just fear a dog scared of fireworks is just fear, not anxiety I mean it might be a little anxiety at the moment, scared fireworks might happen.
Speaker 1Well, they're scared of the loud bangs. Yeah, that's what scares me out. Hear me out, hear me out.
Speaker 2I'm with the dog the entire time, so there's no reason it should have any separation anxiety.
Speaker 1So who's around. He doesn't have separation anxiety, he just has anxiety.
Speaker 2Okay, so hang on.
Speaker 1Who is around this dog? Who's petting this dog? The ghost children.
Speaker 2What kind is it?
Speaker 1Just the ghost children. Yeah, all right.
Speaker 2Yeah, we're back at their crib in the cursed places that I absorbed from the raccoon.
Speaker 1I will say he kind of counteracted your hot Cheetos, since he decided to kill his raccoon companion and eat him and absorb his power, which is pretty sick, if I'm being honest.
Speaker 2Yeah, except for and I still got my machete and my crock. None of it works that way, and left crock dude.
Speaker 1It does in this world. It's not a cartoon, it does work in this world.
Speaker 3You can't absorb your raccoon's powers.
Speaker 1Okay, I've heard both of your arguments and I will say I think, as of now for now, tj is winning mostly off of eating the raccoon and absorbing its power. That was pretty sick. Now we move on to act three, which I call. But wait, a twist. I need both of you to roll a D6. If you could just look up or ask Google to roll a D6 for you.
Speaker 2And let me know what you get. Hey Gemini, roll a D6 for me please. Sure thing, shake's imaginary dice you rolled a four. Anything else I can roll for you. All right, roll up a blunt, because I think I just got a duh.
Speaker 3Are you joking me? What did you roll? Four, he rolled a four. I rolled a four, you rolled a four.
Speaker 2Look, you see it right there. Four.
Speaker 1Alright, both roll again. Apparently, I didn't win.
Speaker 2I need to roll the dice again. Roll a d6 for me. Well, I can't have you guys have the same one and you rolled a 3. Wanna go again.
Speaker 1That'd be hilarious if you both rolled the same again, but you didn't, okay, so you rolled a 3, tj Alex, you rolled a 6. Hey, chat, this is where I could really use your participation For those listening on the podcast, on the recorded, uh, end of this. That was a weird way of wording that. Um, we go live when we record these every friday evening, usually around like 10, 30 or 11 um, so you should come check us out on the. Will you survive the podcast? Uh, tiktok, where we go live? Um, but I'm to need a little audience participation. Who rolled a three? Tj, I did. We'll start with you, tj.
Speaker 2Yes.
Speaker 1Number three is plot armor activated. You have activated plot armor Now for the audience. I need you guys to shoot me some ideas that he gets a temporary advantage, some examples he could be immune to ghosts for one hour. He can re-roll a bad item. He can force a trade for items. He could survive one. This doesn't really matter, it's something like that. I would love to see ideas. If you guys don't have any ideas, I will just pick one of those three that I named. One of those three? Did I name three? Yeah, yeah, you made me feel like I didn't name three.
Speaker 3Let's see. Let's see Chat. You got anything. Who's got the best idea? What plot armor should TJ get for one?
Speaker 1hour. Tj gets plot armor.
Speaker 3It doesn't even have to be for one hour, but it is a temporary advantage. A temporary.
Speaker 1A temporary advantage, a temporary advantage. Okay, you can make one wish and have it be anything anything. Oh wow, tj loses all motion sickness. What? Yeah, I know what do you mean. Loses all motion sickness, he can't get motion sick.
Speaker 3It's not much of a plot, armor, oh that that's pretty funny actually all right, madison. Madison radka says he can make one wish and have it be anything, quote anything.
Speaker 1That's not very temporary, but that's the only one we got. So, tj, your plot, armor, is you can have one wish and have it be anything. What is your one wish? You are muted. Oh, I wish that Alex loses the next round. That's okay. Well, that's not very temporary, it has to be temporary. Well, yeah, it's temporary till the round after that. This is going to be a one-round game man. We're already approaching an hour.
Speaker 2I wish that I have. I wish my machete was not rusted and it gives me a double jump.
Speaker 1Okay, so you have traded in your rusty machete for a super dope, shiny machete with the ability to give you Mario powers and double jump. I love Mario powers.
Speaker 2Can I turn into a fucking elephant?
Speaker 1No, just the double jump. What are we crazy? Let's be realistic.
Speaker 1Number six for Alex Glitch in the simulation. I need some audience participation here. Reality shifts, the scenario mutates and the audience. You can either decide a completely new scenario for Alex or we can mutate it. Some examples are one that I will pick from, if none are chosen. You could now suddenly be underwater. The animatronics are now animatronic dinosaurs. That's scary. All the lights go out, so it's total darkness, or your survival gear turns into medieval equivalents. What the fuck, yeah, you're supposed to? Alex gets teleported to the back rooms. Oh no, oh no.
Speaker 2Pleased that one.
Speaker 1Madison says he is eternally paranoid, but only like slightly. That's me. I like Lewis's suggestion. Reality shifts, alex, and you are now in the back rooms. Do you know what the back rooms is? I do. Okay, you are now in the back rooms. Okay. So with this new information, with these new twists, I will now ask you to re. Uh, what's the word I'm looking for here? Retell me. Why relitigate? Yeah, sure, relitigate, let's be fancy. Why your loadout would help you in these situations, given your new twist, was tj first. Um sure, we can do tj first, since we did you first last time um, so is it gonna like completely reset?
Speaker 2is my raccoon still alive? Oh, or did I absorb its power? I was going to kill it again anyways.
Speaker 1Let's completely reset and you can do what you want to do again.
Speaker 2Okay, I'm going to immediately kill my raccoon again. Give me its souls.
Speaker 1It's like a roguelike game now.
Speaker 2The anxiety dog. We're still chilling. Uh, okay, I will instantly be uh loved and acknowledged by all of the uh spooky performers that are at this. You said it's a like carnival. Yeah, yeah, you know all the all the spooky performers motherfuckers walking on balls and fucking tightropes and shit.
Speaker 3They will instantly be impressed by my ability to what kind of carnival do you go to?
Speaker 2You know, there's like the carnival tent with the motherfuckers in there. Shut the fuck up. This is a spooky shit that implies old-timey carnival. Okay, this guy likes guys walking on balls.
Speaker 1Yeah why don't you step on?
Speaker 3mine Weirdo, you're weird.
Speaker 1That was interesting, Bitch. That was interesting. Also worth noting. They do admire your super shiny machete now.
Speaker 2Yes, and also they admire my ability to do backflips and shit because I have a double jump.
Speaker 1That is true. That's a pretty carnival move right there. I think that would even impress some ghost carnies. If I'm being honest, I got my left croc and they're like dude, that's the sickest fucking croc I've. You can't even wear it damn life, it doesn't even matter, dude, it's. Have you ever seen the reason I mean?
Speaker 2croc. The reason it's so cool is because I don't wear it. It is in perfect mint fucking condition, not a crease, crack, speck of dirt on that motherfucker. That is a premium lightning man queen croc with a mater gibbet that I that I got for two coins. Dude, they're gonna, they're like, dude, you fucking, that's a steal right there not only is it cool, but they do admire thrifting.
Speaker 2So like you know I'm just I'm fucking chilling anxiety dog. You know he's chilling, he's still fucking stressed out, but like I'm there to pet him and do backflips and shit so name one more part of the carnival that could come after you.
Speaker 1That, uh, that this loadout would help you survive?
Speaker 2I think it personally, the, the, the haunting, the haunted roller coasters that constantly uh call out to me to uh ride them uh, and in doing so they would steal my soul. Um, can't happen, baby, because I absorbed the, the, the coons powers and I got no mind control dub.
Speaker 1That is true, no mind control and you can go into curse zones that's, and the animatronics dude.
Speaker 2I'm gonna jump on them. Bitches like mario, like you said that's pretty strong, uh, let me just make sure I'm not missing anything. Fucking head top bro.
Speaker 1They're dead um, yeah, actually you also. You absorbed the powers of your emotional support raccoon, um, which means you actually entered into a blood feud with the animatronics. Um, which is like not that great. They're gonna hunt you down for the rest of your life, even once you get out.
Speaker 2That's fine, I got my double jump.
Speaker 1You do have your double jump, that is true.
Speaker 2It's like the immortal snail dude. How are animatronics going to get across the ocean? Take a boat, they could, but do they know how to sail a boat? I don't think so you can get on a ferry that Alex re-litigate. Well Reminder, you're now in the back rooms.
Speaker 3Because this game is absolute horseshit and I rolled a fucking six and somehow I still got the bullshit fucking deal.
Speaker 2What I'm going to do is since TJ ate his fucking raccoon and he absorbed his power. Hang on, hang on, hang on. It's okay for those who don't know what the backrooms are.
Speaker 1Hang on, hang on, hang on, it's okay, it's okay. If you don't know what the backrooms is, go do some research.
Speaker 3Since you ate your raccoon and absorbed its power, I'm going to put out the fucking family-sized hot Cheetos that attracts you. You are able to enter cursed zones.
Speaker 2Oh. So you come into the fucking back rooms motherfucker, the back rooms isn't a cursed zone oh, I don't know, that's pretty cursed.
Speaker 1No, I'm gonna give that to him, it's not a curse bro the lord there's not a curse zone.
Speaker 3You have been summoned into the back. It is a parallel universe zone you.
Speaker 1It's a cursed parallel universe. It's not a into the curse parallel universe.
Speaker 2And no, you're screwed. I did not absorb you, my raccoon, raccooniness, motherfucker I absorbed his powers.
Speaker 1Yeah, you absorbed the raccoon. You, you. The raccoon became a part of you literally not a fucking thing.
Speaker 3You don't get to, neither are raccoons that uh, avoid curse okay, I eat a piece of salmon.
Speaker 1Also, I absorb b vitamins I'm not gonna be able to swim upstream the what the fuck? You would. No, if you absorbed the salmon to get its powers, then, yes, you would stream up, you would swim upstream. But also, the bag of cheetos attracts raccoons and ghost children. So now your dog is sad and anxious because it has no ghost children to pet.
Speaker 2Well, you act like I'm not going to take my dog with me, my anxiety rating dog. You think I'm that horrible of an owner? The dog's coming with me first of all and, yes, the ghost children are coming with me, and he's not immune to ghost children.
Speaker 1He is not immune to ghost children? Yeah, but he is not immune to those children, those little white bitches from friday, the 13th.
Speaker 2They're gonna be one, two. Freddy's coming for you in the fucking corner. Bro's gonna be scared to shit, just saying I.
Speaker 3I feel like you already have the the counter for that, so go on, alex so now that I have uh tj coming into the back rooms and I'm attracting ghost children into the the zone the uh back rooms with him, uh, I am going to cover up with my fishy tarp so that ghosts will stay away from me. Uh, gonna use my functioning walkie talkie in the same manner and try to get a bead on any ghosts or hopefully any other uh alternate dimension beings.
Speaker 1What are you gonna do that might be in the back rooms with me. He's in the back rooms now. I'm in the back rooms with me. He's in the back rooms now.
Speaker 3I'm in the back rooms. I don't have animatronics that I know of.
Speaker 1That's not what he's got to worry about there's demons and shit like that.
Speaker 2I'm in a blood feud with animatronics. They're following me, they're on their way, but they're after you. You, not me.
Speaker 1They're after you, so it's more of a problem for you.
Speaker 2This will be an issue for him.
Speaker 1No, they got a blood feud with you. Until they kill you, they don't have a problem with him.
Speaker 3And my perception is so keen that I will find your way that you get in and escape in the same manner you can't even.
Speaker 1Yeah, I will give him that.
Speaker 3I would, normally, yes, and you. If there's an entrance that he comes in at, I sneak out in the same portal it is forever shifting, like a maze.
Speaker 1You don't he fell through the roof is kind of what I'm picturing I'm fucking jumping.
Speaker 3I use my solar charger to try to throw it out of there so I can climb out. You thaw your way out. Yeah, exactly, that's pretty sick.
Speaker 1I don't know. That's pretty cool. Um, okay, we've heard the litigation I think.
Speaker 2I think by that logic I can get out too. So it's like well, you're falling.
Speaker 1While you're falling out, he's jumping up. But I would say that the the double jump might give you some help in the back rooms, because there's a lot of times where double jump would be very very nice.
Speaker 2I'm out of the place that I was meant to survive in, so do I inherently just survive? No, you're dead fool well, no, my goal was to survive.
Speaker 3You should have never you should have never eaten your raccoon, which cannot if I survive, cannot resist hot cheetos. I survived the carnival, his carnival by that, by that logic, I survived well, no, your carnival became the back rooms.
Speaker 1When you got put into that situation the only way out is to survive until dawn. So I guess the question now becomes are you more likely to survive the back rooms or is alex more likely to survive the carnival? Because you went back to the carnival, that would be the question. And I'm not gonna lie, excuse me, I'm not gonna lie. I think the carnival, uh, given your tarp that keeps ghost children away, um, all ghosts and all yeah, and august, uh, and all the ghost children are with tj and his dog, um, the animatronics have left. Uh, I think. Uh, by calculating these scores, I think alex is the winner here yeah, mother alex is more likely to survive this situation than tj bs due to his brilliant move.
Speaker 2Goddamn raccoon.
Speaker 1Uh, because you absorb the powers of the raccoon man. I absorb the powers of the raccoon. Yes, I absorb the powers of the raccoon, but I don't absorb their fucking innate ability to smell fucking Cheetos in a multiversal sense. These hot Cheetos had a power.
Speaker 3That was its buff To attract raccoons, are you?
Speaker 2calling me a coon.
Speaker 1Right now I'm calling you a raccoon because you specifically said that you absorbed the powers of this raccoon the powers. That's not a power. If you're going to get the powers to go into curse zones because you ate this raccoon, then you're going to be attracted by the Hot Cheetos. That's not how it works. I'll amend it. The Hot Cheetos attract raccoons, or those with the powers of raccoons.
Speaker 2that's literally okay, great love that this guy, just because I'm black, the entire episode, arguing that he absorbs all of the raccoons powers yeah, but doesn't want the one down more the episode, complaining that I absorbed the raccoons powers.
Speaker 3It's not a power. I tried saving you from your own beast.
Speaker 2And even when you had another chance, he had to amend the whole rule for your goddamn Cheetos, because he knew that it didn't make sense that I got attracted by it, because I'm not a damn raccoon.
Speaker 1Who the hell cares about sense. First of all, we're in the back rooms.
Speaker 3Where does it make sense that I rolled a fucking six and I got no buff?
Speaker 2at all. No, where does it make sense that you can climb out of the back rooms?
Speaker 3bro, because I'm a badass, what you can't?
Speaker 1do a pull-up I can hey. Thanks everybody for listening to this episode no. This was a great episode. It doesn't even make any fucking sense. I'm really happy with this game and I think I'm going to refine it, and you forgot. I have a grappling hook In the back rooms.
Speaker 2No rope.
Speaker 1You forgot you had a grappling hook. You didn't mention it. I did Multiple times you. You didn't mention it. I did Multiple times. You just mentioned that you could shoot it and then you said nothing else about it.
Speaker 3You said you could use the raccoon to track it down which you ate.
Speaker 2So now, you can track it down. That's true, exactly so I have the ability to recover my own bullet.
Speaker 1You shoot the grappling hook and then you have to go get it.
Speaker 2No, but it's like Thor's hammer bro, except the grappling hook calls to me. I shoot that bitch out of the back rooms. I'm out, I fly after it at high speed. No see, alex timed it perfectly that when you were falling through the ceiling he jumped out.
Speaker 1Okay, but double jump inherently means I can jump midair, not if you're falling, you can't jump.
Speaker 2Yeah, there are plenty of games where you can jump mid-air, not if you. If you're falling, you can't jump. Yeah, you can't. There are plenty of games you can jump.
Speaker 1No, you can jump and then you can double jump. But if you're falling you cannot just mid-jump while falling. It doesn't work like that. No game works that way.
Speaker 2That's game mechanics I will literally find a game, right, find a game where it works.
Speaker 1Find a game where you can just walk off a cliff and then, specifically, though, he said, you have mario double jump mario, if you walk off a cliff, you cannot jump you fall.
Speaker 2This guy trying to change all the rules you literally had to have a rule changed for you. What are you talking about?
Speaker 1no, I was giving the ruling and you wouldn't accept it, so that I changed the law to make it work, because I'm the judge.
Speaker 3Okay, what are you, america? This episode.
Speaker 1Yes, the winner.
Speaker 3I am the winner Of what. Why don't you cry about it? He only won one round.
Speaker 1How many more rounds do you want?
Speaker 2Okay, I won one, he won one. It's a fucking tie.
Speaker 1No, this was all one round, it was just split into three acts.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 2That doesn't even make any sense. Only because you lost Alex your winner speech. He was out of Cheetos the first time. How do you Justified? How do you?
Speaker 3regain Cheetos. No, it all. Reset, it reset. You got your raccoon back, okay so it.
Speaker 2It's a reset, that means it's a new round.
Speaker 1No, it resets because this is over. No, I'm done negotiating with you. You lost, suck it up. Winner speech.
Speaker 3I am so grateful, thank you all for listening to the podcast. Justice has been served. I have won an episode.
Speaker 2This is a bunch of fucking bullshit, Rightfully so. I mean, you really didn't. Yeah, you had to't. This was a great game host.
Speaker 3I'd love to play it again, even though you tried stacking it against me. I won't hold that against you.
Speaker 1It was clever. The D6 had nothing to do with rolling high being good, it was just six random options.
Speaker 2It's the fucking rolls on your neck, you big bitch Me.
Speaker 3Yes, I weigh half of what you weigh yes, says this guy Shut up.
Speaker 2Eric, you weigh half a fucking cricket.
Speaker 1You're just upset, you lost.
Speaker 2He weighs half of me. I'm upset that this shit was made to be against me. This whole fucking time you knew who was going to win, because it's rigged. It's rigged against the system.
Speaker 3Don't eat raccoons. The systematic oppression in this goddamn podcast Systematic oppression. I can't take it.
Speaker 1I'm being systematically oppressed. Aren't you the one who says warning, I'm black?
Speaker 2Systematically oppressed. Every now and again he says caution.
Speaker 3This is all scripted.
Speaker 2This is all scripted and they made me say that I'm coming out with a fucking eight part fucking series on tiktok, exposing all of this shit it's gonna get a netflix special yeah, it's gonna be like half my face and then like
Speaker 2half your face it's good oh, that's good all right anyways, fuck this, fuck this. Do you want to read the socials? Fuck this goddamn podcast. Fuck your mama, not you. Eric, you, you. I'm talking to you Audience member who's driving in the car to work right now at 7 in the goddamn morning. Call off and go hang out with your goddamn kids. You fucking bum.
Speaker 1Damn. I think that might be bad advice, but TJ the socials, you can follow us on. Whatever I meant, alex Forever, anything Go ahead.
Speaker 2Will you start the podcast? Check us out on Twitter. Hang on the boys, WIS.
Speaker 3This guy.
Speaker 1You can check us out on.
Speaker 2Instagram, Facebook, Google+. We got a Snapchat where we post stuff. We don't have a Snapchat. You can follow our Ubisoft account where we play stuff send us shit on Steam you can send me stuff on Steam. My name is Rogue Sandwich on Steam.
Speaker 3If you want to send me a gift, hit me up until next time we are going to start a reverse only fans, where we send you nudes and you have to pay us to stop we'll just keep sending you really bad survival advice and you have to pay us to stop. We're going to send you nudes of tj. You have to pay him to stop. We're going to send you zombie nudes. Or you could pay TJ a thousand dollars to get your name tattooed on him.
Speaker 1Hang on, Wait. Our only fans will just keep sending you pictures of that really long schlong 28 years later, until you pay us to stop.
Speaker 2And you won't be able to get away from us because we have all of your information.
Speaker 1We got your email. You can't escape. We have your address.
Speaker 2We have your wife's maiden name.
Speaker 3Lewis, we do have a Discord.
Speaker 1You cannot escape the 28-inch later 28-inch later. Oh, go, follow our Discord. I don't know how to give you that link. Maybe we'll put it in the description of this episode TJ, oh yeah.
Speaker 2Fuck you, I'm going to put the fucking whole script of Bee Movie as our show notes.
Speaker 1Next episode that would actually be really funny, but I'm sure he'll put the Discord in the description.
Speaker 2I will not, and until next time I'm going to put the nutrition facts for fucking Mountain Dew. Baja Blast Shut up, so I can close this episode. Stay alive, you disrespectful little bitch. Stay alive Until next time stay alive, except for you driving to work right now at 7.15 in the morning.
Speaker 1Don't say that.
Speaker 2Fuck you. Don't say that, fuck your Nissan. Altima getting on at fucking 30 miles per hour, not speeding up, not speeding up and then merging onto the freeway. Why are you merging onto the freeway at 35 miles per hour?
Speaker 3It doesn't even make any sense.
Speaker 2Bro Fucking, get up to 60, you fucking loser.
