Will You Survive... The Podcast

Will You Survive: AI Horror Bonanza

Will You Survive... The Podcast

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Ever wondered what happens when AI tries to scare three sleep-deprived hosts who can’t resist breaking character? We put four machine-written horror stories to the test—reading them aloud, acting them out, and grading them with ruthless honesty. From a backyard camera that says “Hello, homeowner” to a silent second floor that refuses to light up, from a circling shark that turns “calm” into “controlled panic” to a polite phone alert about a gravitational anomaly, the night swings between genuine tension and glorious derailment.

We start with the show’s rotating-judge format and jump straight into the chaos: a security-cam creep that almost works, a haunted-house walk-through that mistakes doors for dread, an ocean encounter where clear staging actually builds momentum, and a cosmic-horror premise with bureaucratic phone notifications that feel eerily plausible. Along the way, we unpack why AI nails setup but fumbles character voice, escalation, and payoff. Horror breathes through choices, stakes, and sensory detail; prompts can sketch the scene, but people have to make it pulse.

There’s plenty of laughter—improv accents, GTA quotes, and a new classic line about “controlled panic”—but we also dig into real craft notes any writer can use. We talk geography in survival horror, how to avoid filler dialogue, when to reveal the monster, and why cosmic dread needs awe plus consequence. The result is part live table read, part writing workshop, and part roast of our robot collaborator.

If you like found footage vibes, urban legends, shark thrillers, or cosmic weirdness, you’ll find a moment that sticks. Hit play, rate the stories with us, and tell us which one you’d rewrite—or which one actually gave you chills. Subscribe, share with a friend who loves horror, and drop your own AI prompts or fixes in a review so we can try them next time.

Late-Night Setup & Format

SPEAKER_09

Hello, survivors, and welcome to another episode of Will You Survive the Podcast Late Edition. I am your host. Yeah, this one's later than normal, though, and I'm already sleepy. But so I'm your sleepy host, Eric, and I'm joined by my two co-hosts, Alex and TJ. Say hi, boys. I'm Alex.

SPEAKER_02

Harrow.

SPEAKER_09

There's backstory there that won't be in the edit.

SPEAKER_02

So today.

SPEAKER_09

Oh no, I don't know if we can put that in. So, I mean, my idea is already known to you guys because uh I presented it so that I could win last episode. Oh, that well, I guess I should have we don't really do this that often. I we should kind of explain how the podcast works, I suppose. Basically, one of us hosts, the other two are contestants slash co-hosts, I guess. Um, and then the host will pick a winner at the end of the episode, and then that person will host the next episode. I won the last one because I'm a winner, uh, and I totally didn't uh win mostly because of my idea for this episode. And uh I believe TJ's the loser, just not winner, I guess.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know. Total and complete, not ripoff of any other podcast. This is a completely original idea.

SPEAKER_09

Yes, absolutely. Um not that easy for sure.

SPEAKER_02

Actually, technically, it would be a ripoff of a ripoff because I think it's more of a concept.

SPEAKER_09

I think it's more of a concept. We are very different in a sense that we don't follow any fucking rules that we have set in place other than whoever wins hosts the next episode. And I think that's more just to alleviate it from all of us. Okay, I think it works out.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, mostly it kind of just goes in a circle.

SPEAKER_09

Yeah, I mean, for the most part. I mean, except last season where Alex won like 33% less than both of us. Listen. Rigged.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it was rigged.

SPEAKER_12

I saw all those votes come in at 3 a.m.

SPEAKER_09

I I mean, we just can't help that we're funnier at 3 a.m.

SPEAKER_12

Dude, we neither one of you was funnier at 3 a.m.

SPEAKER_02

Classics last season, my guy.

SPEAKER_09

So there was some good ones. We looked at the movies, we saw why we won more. There were there was cold hard evidence and facts.

SPEAKER_12

The hell are you talking about?

SPEAKER_09

I'm pretty sure most of the like we went through the movies and we were like, oh yeah, we both had some bangers, and then you had like some good ones, and then there was other ones like War of the Worlds.

Season Banter & Tier List Tease

SPEAKER_02

What the fuck? We're getting kind of close to uh next season.

SPEAKER_09

We are, we're almost at the end of season six. It's almost time for a tier list.

SPEAKER_02

Tune in fucking five Fridays from now.

SPEAKER_09

Yeah. Maybe we might have to take next uh maybe two Wednesdays from now off. Are we gonna go to the family house? It would likely happen on a Wednesday.

SPEAKER_12

Oh, yeah, maybe.

The AI Horror Concept

SPEAKER_09

Yeah, in like two or three weeks. Maybe we might have to take away it might be more like six Wednesdays, but we'll figure it out. Okay, so what I have here are uh it well is a controversial topic, AI. Um, but I like to fuck with AI because I think it's kind of funny. Uh so I asked AI to really amp up the AI a little bit. Although I I'm gonna be honest, I don't think it did. I think it's still a little too coherent, but we'll see. AI wrote these horror stories, and I gave it some criteria, and then I told it have at it, and uh it made a couple, and then I gave it some specific scenarios. Um so we have six stories here that should all take approximately five minutes to read, but I think we're all a little dumb, so I think it might take a little longer for me and TJ to read certain parts. Um, but there are six stories to pick from, and I think well, I actually haven't read all of these. I purposely didn't want to read these because I wanted it to be kind of a surprise for me. But each one of these stories has a narrator and two characters, and we will alternate who is reading those parts. Um, and hopefully we can get through three stories, I think would be kind of a I think baseline starting point, and we'll kind of see how fast we get through those. All of them. I don't think so. Are we gonna discuss? Yeah, yeah. I mean, we could stop in the middle of it and discuss. I think the point is that it's gonna be a little funny, they're gonna be a little silly, uh, and we're just gonna kind of roll with it.

SPEAKER_12

Are we getting points? Are we getting points for acting? Chat GPT.

SPEAKER_09

Okay. Uh yes. So I would like us to act as much as possible. Um, but also none of us are really great actors either. So we'll see. Uh what comes of this one. For yourself. Yeah, Alex actually is one of BAFTA.

SPEAKER_12

So I guess BAFTA's better than a Razzie, isn't it?

SPEAKER_09

I don't even know what a Razzie is. I call Aaron. Okay.

SPEAKER_12

I think it's the host's decision.

Story 1: Motion Detected

SPEAKER_09

I mean, I don't care. I call Africa's. So for this first one. Whoa, the secret fourth character. So this story is called Motion Detected. The characters are a narrator, Aaron, and Miles. Uh TJ, you'll be Aaron, and Alex, you'll be Miles. Alright. And I will be the narrator. Are we ready? Ready. Alright, here we go. The alert came at 2 32 AM. Aaron's phone buzzed sharply on the nightstand. He blinked awake, heart already beating faster for reasons he couldn't explain yet. He picked up the phone. Motion detected, backyard camera. Aaron frowned and nudges Miles. Hey! Hey!

SPEAKER_12

Wake up! If this is about the thermostat again, the backyard camera just tripped.

SPEAKER_09

Miles cracked one eye open. Probably a cat.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09

Maybe. Aaron opened the camera app. The live feed took a second to load. Buffering. Then the backyard appeared. Grass. A fence. The old shed in the corner. Nothing moved.

SPEAKER_12

Told ya. Cat activities. We don't even have cats back there. Congratulations. We do now.

SPEAKER_09

Aaron was about to lock the phone when the motion marker flashed again. Near the shed. Both men leaned closer. You saw that. Right?

SPEAKER_12

Yeah. Something moved.

SPEAKER_09

The video stuttered for half a second, just enough to be noticeable. Then it smoothed out again. The shed door was closed. Still. Camera glitch?

SPEAKER_02

Maybe.

SPEAKER_09

Aaron's phone buzzed again. Motion detected. Backyard camera. The feed refreshed automatically. This time both men went silent. The shed door was open, just a few inches. Okay, oh me as the narrator, I feel like I'm lost here. What are they looking on a phone?

SPEAKER_14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09

Yeah. So why are y'all cuddled up in bed? Is kind of my question here. Listen.

SPEAKER_12

It's for warmth.

SPEAKER_02

We're roommates.

SPEAKER_09

And they were roommates.

SPEAKER_02

We fuck.

SPEAKER_12

It gets cold and lonely in Washington.

SPEAKER_02

I don't give a shit about the pussy in the backyard. I'm giving a fuck about the pussy in the start.

SPEAKER_14

I'm gonna start reading this like a fucking character. Like a hand taken.

SPEAKER_08

Did you go out there tonight?

SPEAKER_10

Okay. It's like that one anime where they they didn't have the script.

SPEAKER_02

Fucking what? Will you survive anime coming soon?

SPEAKER_09

Man, we should we should have Chat GPT write us a raunchy anime to read.

SPEAKER_02

You know what? I feel like that would be hilarious. We could have Maddie guest star.

SPEAKER_09

Okay, who's Miles?

SPEAKER_02

That guy. The bald one.

SPEAKER_09

Ready?

SPEAKER_02

Here we go.

SPEAKER_09

Did you go out there tonight?

SPEAKER_02

No. Did you? No.

SPEAKER_09

They stared at the screen. The camera exposure adjusted, brightening the dark interior of the shed just slightly. Something inside shifted, not stepping forward, but just moving.

SPEAKER_12

Okay.

SPEAKER_09

That's not a cat.

SPEAKER_12

Nope. Do not use the two-way thing.

SPEAKER_09

Aaron had already tapped it. Aaron! Hello? For a moment there was only the soft hiss of the outdoor microphone. Then, from the shed, a voice answered. Hello, homeowner. Nope, nope, nope. Did that just Yes, yes it did. Aaron tried to disconnect the audio. The app hesitated. Small buffering circles spinning. On the screen, the darkness inside the shed shifted again. Something leaned closer to the doorway. Its shape wasn't stable, like the camera couldn't quite lock onto it.

SPEAKER_06

Thank you for charging.

SPEAKER_09

Turn it off, Aaron. Turn it off. I'm trying. The video glitched sharply. For one frame, the figure was much closer. Then the shed was empty. Door still open, nothing inside. Okay. You saw that too? Unfortunately?

SPEAKER_12

Yes.

SPEAKER_09

Aaron's phone vibrated again. Both men flinched. Motion detected. Side yard camera. Do we even want to look?

SPEAKER_02

We have to.

SPEAKER_09

Aaron tapped the alert. The side yard appeared on screen. Narrow walkway, trash bins, fence. Empty. Miles let out a slow breath.

SPEAKER_12

Okay. Maybe it's just the system bugging out tonight.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, maybe.

SPEAKER_09

The camera adjusted its brightness. At the far end of the walkway, something stood just beyond the light. Both men went very still.

SPEAKER_02

Aaron, I see it. Tell me that's a shadow. That is not behaving like a shadow.

SPEAKER_09

The figure leaned forward slightly. The camera struggled to focus on its face, almost human, but not quite aligned. Aaron's phone chimed softly. A new message appeared beneath the feed. Live viewer detected.

SPEAKER_12

Why does it say viewer?

SPEAKER_09

I don't know.

SPEAKER_12

I don't like that it knows we're watching.

SPEAKER_09

On the screen, the figure slowly raised one arm. Aaron. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12

It's waving.

SPEAKER_09

The hand moved back and forth, slow, deliberate, like it had practiced the motion, but not the timing.

SPEAKER_12

Turn the lights on. Already doing it.

SPEAKER_09

Miles reached over and flipped the bedside lamp on. Warm light flooded the room. Aaron looked down oh looked back down at the phone. The side yard was empty again. No figure. No movement. Just the narrow strip of concrete. Both men sat frozen. Seconds passed in their undies. Then Aaron's phone buzzed again. They both looked down at the same time. Motion detected hallway camera inside the house.

SPEAKER_12

Aaron, yeah.

SPEAKER_09

We don't have pets. Neither of them moved to open the feed. The end.

SPEAKER_02

That shit was dog water. I'm so 90% of my dialogue was yeah.

SPEAKER_09

So here's the thing. I had to tell it to give the characters more uh dialogue, and I think that it just gave a lot of filler. Yeah. Uh-huh. Maybe. You get to practice all your uh-s and yes and maybes.

SPEAKER_02

Aaron, no.

SPEAKER_12

Miles. Yeah. What?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Maybe. You know what? I give that a solid five out of ten.

SPEAKER_09

Wow. Wow. That's more than I would have given. Yeah, I was gonna say three out of ten.

SPEAKER_02

I think I think if we're rating AI stories for AI story, I get you know somewhat.

SPEAKER_12

Okay, all right. Average.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Well, you know, it's a start for the tier list of AI stories.

SPEAKER_09

Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I got some other ones here. I've got a shark one, I've got a haunted house, and I've got a kind of end of the world one.

SPEAKER_12

Ooh, I like the I like the haunted house.

SPEAKER_09

Okay. Alex, you will be the narrator, the second floor. Alex, you'll be the narrator, and then uh you can decide who will be. One second. Let me find it, let me find it.

SPEAKER_12

This one's called the second floor. I'm gonna narrate. Eric is Ethan, TJ is Noah. Here we go. The house had been empty for twelve years. At least. That was what the listing said. Noah stood on the front porch, keys in hand, staring at the dark windows like they might blink back at him. Behind him, uh Ethan shifted his weight.

SPEAKER_09

You're sure this is the place? Uh an address matches.

SPEAKER_08

Uh uh because it looks like the kind of place that comes with uh extra problems.

SPEAKER_12

Uh Noah pushed the door open. The hinges gave a long, tired creak that echoed deeper into the house than it should have. The air inside was cool and stale with that faint dusty smell of somewhere closed too long. They stepped inside. The door shut behind them with a soft but definite click. Both men paused.

SPEAKER_07

Did you shut that? Uh no.

Ratings & Why It Fell Flat

SPEAKER_12

The entryway stretched ahead into the narrow hallway. To the right, the living room sat in shadow, straight ahead. The staircase climbed into darkness. Noah pulled out his phone and turned on the flashlight. The beam cut through the dust in the air.

SPEAKER_08

Okay. Quick walkthrough, then we're done. That's the plan.

SPEAKER_12

They moved slowly through the first floor. Kitchen, empty. Dining room, empty. Living room Noah stopped.

SPEAKER_04

What? Did you hear that?

SPEAKER_12

They both stood still. For a moment, nothing. Then faintly from upstairs.

SPEAKER_01

Nope.

SPEAKER_07

Houses don't thump.

SPEAKER_12

The sound came again. Softer this time, but clearly from the second floor. Noah's flashlight slowly lifted toward the staircase.

SPEAKER_07

We don't actually have to go up there. We kinda do. Do we though?

SPEAKER_12

Noah started toward the stairs. After a brief internal struggle, Ethan followed. The steps creaked under their weight, each one loud in the still house. Halfway up, Noah paused and swept the light across the second floor hallway. Four doors all closed.

SPEAKER_08

Which one was that one from? Which one was that one from?

SPEAKER_02

I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_08

Okay.

Story 2: The Second Floor

SPEAKER_12

We stepped onto the landing. The air felt colder up here. Not dramatically. Just enough to notice. Noah moved to the first door and pushed it open. Empty bedroom. Dusty carpet. Bare walls.

SPEAKER_09

Okay.

SPEAKER_12

Second door. Bathroom. Nothing. Noah reached the third door, his hand hover his hand hovered over the knob.

SPEAKER_09

It ain't open this morning yet, right?

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_09

Because because I think it was open earlier.

SPEAKER_12

Noah slowly turned the knob, the door creeped inward. Another bedroom. Empty. But the window was open slightly. Noah frowned. That's weird.

SPEAKER_07

You think?

SPEAKER_12

Behind them, soft, careful. Click. Both men froze.

SPEAKER_00

That was a door.

SPEAKER_12

Yeah. Very slowly. They turned away. The door at the end of the hall was now open. Just a few inches. But neither of them had touched it. We didn't. How are you talking to me? Nor The gap of darkness beyond the door felt deeper than the rest of the house. Noah's flashlight beam shook slightly as he raised it.

SPEAKER_02

Nor Yeah, might.

SPEAKER_10

Oh, I don't think we should, mate.

SPEAKER_12

From inside the room, a slow sound, like fabric shifting, or someone adjusting their weight. Noah swallowed. Took one careful step forward. The flashlight beam reached the doorway and stopped. Because the light didn't go into the room. It hit something just inside. Tall, standing behind the door. The thing inside the room lifted its head slowly into the beam. Its face was pale, still, watching them like it had been waiting. A voice?

SPEAKER_00

You came upstairs.

SPEAKER_12

Neither. Neither of them.

SPEAKER_08

I wouldn't. I'm gonna be honest. I also wouldn't move if I heard that voice.

SPEAKER_12

That was not what I was expecting at all.

SPEAKER_08

And I heard you came upstairs. And I'm looking like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_12

We're not moving. That was a whole lot of fucking no.

SPEAKER_13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

No? Yeah. I don't think Yeah. No. We didn't know.

SPEAKER_09

I'm getting the I'm getting the the feeling here that I might I should have maybe read these a little more. That was terrible. Okay, TJ. We've got. Well, that was the end of that one, by the way. Um, well let's rate this one.

SPEAKER_02

What's the rating?

SPEAKER_09

So what the fuck happened in this story? Two out of ten. Absolutely nothing happened.

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna say one. I don't even know what happened.

SPEAKER_09

Yeah, the theme for this one, I said let's do a haunted house one, and it said, I got you. And then it spit this out.

SPEAKER_12

No, this was awful.

SPEAKER_09

Dog water. Uh TJ and I were just practicing our accents for a while there.

SPEAKER_12

I was I was trying to stay in character, but you two fuckers made that very difficult.

SPEAKER_09

Well, at first I was like, oh, we're just gonna do this whole anime, but then I think TJ realized about halfway, well, about halfway through when we were doing it that, oh, this is gonna get annoying really quick.

SPEAKER_03

I don't know. Or something.

SPEAKER_09

You went like Swedish at one point, and I was like, I don't know, I don't know how to do that. I think I'm just gonna go back to Southern.

SPEAKER_12

So Desta said he couldn't even follow because of the voice changes. He was too busy laughing to follow the plot.

SPEAKER_03

What fucking plot?

SPEAKER_12

Yeah, you didn't miss anything.

SPEAKER_10

Good news. It was a whole lot of opening doors. We walked in.

SPEAKER_12

We opened the doors behind us. A door clicked. A bathroom empty. At one point. A living room. That was a door.

SPEAKER_08

That was a door. Yeah.

unknown

No fucking snow.

SPEAKER_12

So which one are we doing next, TJ?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, um, I'm trying to find one.

SPEAKER_09

I think it's so whiteout is like a winter, like a snow themed one. Unknown caller, I think is a little more self-explanatory. 30 feet is is the uh shark one.

SPEAKER_07

30 feet down, and then uh the sky is wrong, is like a uh end of the world. I feel like I feel like the shark one's gonna be fucking stupid. We should do that one. Okay. 30 feet?

SPEAKER_09

I want to call it 30 feet down because I meant to edit it. Uh to add there we go. Oh, you can edit editing it. Yeah, that's great. All right. This is how people write papers as a great. Yes. TJ, who am I? Uh I think you should be Dylan.

SPEAKER_02

That makes me my goal.

SPEAKER_05

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_10

I like how it also says that I wrote that. That's crazy. Dylan's first, which is everybody.

SPEAKER_13

I'm fucking, you can edit it and see it in real time. And I just changed one of the lines.

SPEAKER_02

TJ adds that and he is like, uh, so Eric is Dylan. Eric is Dylan. Oh my Eric, yeah, Eric has to read this one. This one. Am I in the next one?

SPEAKER_09

This is gonna be like what I read to kill a mockingbird in in fifth grade all over again. Is he Dylan?

SPEAKER_07

Yeah. Alright. You missed my to kill a mockingbird joke. If it was to kill a mockingbird, you could read it. This is fifth grade all over again.

SPEAKER_09

Fifth grade is crazy. Yeah, I read that book in fifth grade. Can you believe that?

SPEAKER_02

I read that in the high school.

SPEAKER_09

Yeah, it was crazy. Texas, man.

SPEAKER_02

30 feet down. The water was calm when they walked in. Too calm. Dylan would think later. The kind of flat, glassy surface that makes everything underneath feel deeper than it should be. Okay, so I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_09

I hate to interrupt you. I did read that opening paragraph for this one. What the fuck does that mean? The kind of flat glassy surface that makes everything underneath feel deeper than it should be. What does that even mean? I feel like that was a whole lot.

SPEAKER_02

The water looked like water.

SPEAKER_12

The water was watery. Oh, I think it's I think AI is playing on the phrase, still waters run deep.

SPEAKER_07

The water was low. The ocean was deep.

SPEAKER_02

Marco had a her bubbly sparkling water. But the water was salty. But the water was salty. Thirty feet down.

SPEAKER_05

The title shows up.

SPEAKER_03

Still in order theme song. I couldn't think of nothing.

SPEAKER_02

Anyways, it's it's Marco's.

SPEAKER_12

Turn his feet. Thirty feet down. Quick look around, then back up. Easy.

SPEAKER_07

Our narrators too busy laughing.

SPEAKER_02

They rolled backward off the small charter boat and slipped into the Pacific. Cold wrapped around Dylan's chest immediately. Clear water. Good visibility. The reef shelf dropped off not far below them into the darker blue. For the first minute everything was perfect. Fish scattered in the loose cool sunlight streamed down in pale long shafts. Marco pointed toward the drop-off and started kicking forward. Dylan followed. They dove together at ten feet. Fifteen. Pressure built gently into Dylan's ears as the reef wall came into sharper focus. The bottom leveled out around thirty feet. Pale sand broken by dark coral patches. Marco hovered near the edge. Dylan surfaced beside him. You see anything? The narrator keeps fucking talking for like eight lines, and they get one. Marco didn't point right away. That was the first bad sign. When he finally lifted his hand, the motion was slow. Careful. Dylan squinted into deeper water at first. Nothing. Just blue fading into darker blue. Just water looking like water and shit. Then something shifted. Long gray. Moving slow. Deliberate confidence. Oh, it's B fucker.

SPEAKER_10

Sorry. I'm getting lost because it really is the narrator's talking so much. Well, keep going, watch. It's so funny. Because I keep looking down and it's just two lines and then another eight for the narrator. And it's so funny.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, yeah. Come on, this is my my this is my big break right here.

SPEAKER_02

Hollywood's gonna notice me for this line back in the center than the fucking Wilder brothers do their big thing.

SPEAKER_07

I'm pulling it together.

SPEAKER_09

I'm pulling it together. Here we go. Here we go. Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And that was it, by the way, guys. I delivered that. I delivered. I delivered. Those were the lines. Those were the lines. Okay, and yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, Marco. Yeah. Narrator, take it away. The shark stayed at the edge of visibility, circling wide. Not rushing. Not curious in a playful way, divers sometimes hope for. Just present. Watching. We head back up. Slow and steady. They began ascending carefully, keeping their movements controlled. No splashing. No sudden kicks. Halfway up, Dylan glanced down. The shark was closer. Still not fast, but definitely closer.

SPEAKER_12

Marco. Anar. They reached the You okay? Come on, I'm in heavy anticipation. I know I know. Come on.

SPEAKER_02

They reached the surface together. The boats f the boat floated about forty yards away. Rocking gently. Too far. Not impossibly far. But far enough to matter. Okay. We swim calm.

SPEAKER_12

Calm.

SPEAKER_03

This fucking ridiculous. Okay. I also Why are you saying the last thing that he said? I'm just repeating. You're getting every last word and just repeating it back.

SPEAKER_09

So okay, here's something that irrationally infuriates me. The title is 30 feet down. Why is the boat 40 yards away? Why why what are we doing?

SPEAKER_03

We were 30 feet down for like two minutes, seen a shark and went back on this.

SPEAKER_09

Saw a shark in its natural habitat and went. No. Nah. Calm. Ah no.

SPEAKER_08

Okay, we swim calm. Calm.

SPEAKER_12

No, I sing calm.

SPEAKER_08

Calm.

SPEAKER_12

I'm just gonna repeat everything you say.

SPEAKER_06

Long spitty strokes. The kind you practice. The kind you don't panic at the water. No, I practice. A shadow pass when he beating chills things. Too big to ignore.

SPEAKER_00

It just went under me.

SPEAKER_12

Don't speed up.

SPEAKER_00

It's easy for you to say. The water around them suddenly felt enormous. Empty in every direction. Dylan forced himself to keep the rhythm. Kick! Glide! Breathe! Kick! Something bumped into his fin. Light. Testing. Dylan shirked instinctively. Water splashed.

SPEAKER_12

Hey, easy.

SPEAKER_00

It touched me! Marco risked a glance down, his face tightened behind the mask.

SPEAKER_12

Okay, it's getting curious.

SPEAKER_00

The boat was closer now. Maybe twenty yards. Still too far. The shark appeared again beneath them, more clearly this time. Broadhead. Slow tail! Sweep! Unhurried.

SPEAKER_08

Why is it still here?

SPEAKER_12

Because we're in its water.

SPEAKER_02

The shark angled upwards slightly, not a full approach. Just enough to change the tone of the moment. Marco's voice dropped lower.

SPEAKER_12

Dylan, when I say go, we sprint the last stretch. That sounds like panic. It's controlled panic.

SPEAKER_08

Look, I'm scared shitless. But we gotta do this.

SPEAKER_04

This is the dumbest line of this whole story, and that says something.

SPEAKER_09

I just like that you're reading it as a badass.

SPEAKER_08

Controlled panic. No, no, no, no, no. You may think this is just some ordinary panic.

SPEAKER_05

No.

SPEAKER_08

This is precise, deliberate, controlled panic. When I scream like a girl, that's controlled. That's intentional to scare the shark. All intentional.

SPEAKER_02

The shark passed beneath them again. Closer. Dylan felt the pressure wave this time. Marco's voice cut through the water. Go now. They kicked hard. Water exploded behind them. The boat ladder was right there. Ten feet. Five. Dylan grabbed the metal rung and hauled himself up with shaken arms. Marco surged up right behind him. They collapsed onto the deck, breathing hard. For several seconds neither man spoke. Marco finally pushed himself up and looked over to the side. His expression didn't relax.

SPEAKER_08

It gone?

SPEAKER_02

Nar. The shark circled slowly beneath the boat, patient, unbothered. Like it knew the water would still be there tomorrow. But it wouldn't because the sun evaporated the ocean. Jesus. Finn.

SPEAKER_09

Finn. Beautiful. Beautiful. A masterpiece, really. Who needs dialogue when you have such a great narrator? This this right here is meant for Sundance.

SPEAKER_12

Yes.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly 24. Come get me.

SPEAKER_12

Next day 24 film. If we do this right and we get even more pretentious than this, we can win Sundance, guys. I'm seeing um It's controlled panic. It's controlled panic.

SPEAKER_09

I'm seeing Hugh Jackman and Snoop Dogg. Snoop Dogg. No. Yes. Snoop Dogg as Dylan. This is what I see.

Controlled Panic & Shark Cinema

SPEAKER_12

I say. Okay, that's good. I say we go to Bollywood and we get the Hugh Jackman doppelganger and the Matthew McConaughey doppelganger.

SPEAKER_02

Oh no, we are in our lead roles.

SPEAKER_07

Matthew McConaughey. Matthew McConaughey would be a good pick.

SPEAKER_02

Punches the shark. Five explosions happen. Matthew. Vin Diesel is fucking just invincible in the fact that.

SPEAKER_12

Oh my god, that's what his name would be in the movie. Finn Diesel. Finn Diesel. Yes.

SPEAKER_04

You know how Vin Diesel played Groot?

SPEAKER_08

Now he just plays a shark. I am Groot. I am shark. I am shark.

SPEAKER_03

I am shark. That's all the shark says.

SPEAKER_12

I am shark. He's and that would be my absolute favorite thing.

SPEAKER_05

The credit.

SPEAKER_12

And as Finn Diesel, Vin Diesel. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And it's actually a really, you know, heartfelt story about a mother shark protecting her young from these two divers.

SPEAKER_12

Yeah, because the diver stole her young before. The shark just pulls up.

SPEAKER_09

Oi, bruv. Oi! Oi, let me get a bite, mate. Just a little nibble.

SPEAKER_03

Foster's Australian for beer.

SPEAKER_07

I think I'll give it a three, maybe. I think I'll give it a 30 out of a hundred.

SPEAKER_09

I'd be well, that'd be crazy. It's a three. Uh uh, Alex, you will be Julian. TJ, you will be DeMarcus. It was just Marcus, but somebody added a DE before Marcus. And someone is still adding a D E before every Marcus. And what's frustrating me is that the D is not capitalized. It's French. There's also a Demarcus. Demarcus. Uh Demarcus right here. De Marcus voice tight.

SPEAKER_07

Ooh, kinky.

unknown

Alright.

SPEAKER_07

Okay. I gotta get my ready black scent going.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know how to speak black.

SPEAKER_07

I know.

SPEAKER_02

You're too. I should have knew I should have done method acting. I'm a little upset at you. I should have lived as a black man for days. Weeks on end. Drinking only Hennessy and driving my Hellcat.

SPEAKER_09

You should have done the uh the Robert Denner Jr. method. I just seen a clip of that shit today. Yeah, I think we saw the same exact clip.

SPEAKER_08

That word has kept us down.

SPEAKER_02

Now we're in the big leagues.

SPEAKER_08

What?

SPEAKER_07

Alright, we ready? Uh favorite black actor.

SPEAKER_08

Robert Denner Jr.

SPEAKER_13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09

Julian noticed it first at 422 p.m. He was standing in the driveway, keys in hand, halfway through deciding whether he actually wanted groceries or just the idea of groceries. Do I actually want to eat or do I just like the idea of it? When he looked up and stopped moving, the sky didn't look right. Not darker, not stormy, just wrong. You good, nigga? Come here. Marcus stepped out, wiping grease off his hands with a rag.

SPEAKER_01

What, nigga?

SPEAKER_10

Not after every line. It's just an episode of the boondocks at this point. He said. He stopped beside De Julian. Looked up. Didn't speak for a full three seconds.

SPEAKER_13

Okay.

SPEAKER_09

You see it too? High above the afternoon clouds, something subtle was happening to the blue. Not a shape. Not exactly. More like the sky was bending. Like a heat shimmer. But colder. Much colder.

SPEAKER_02

Hey nigga, is that some sort kind of atmospheric thing, nigga?

SPEAKER_09

I don't think the atmosphere usually folds. Their phones buzzed at the same time. Not the harsh emergency tone, just a soft, almost polite notification. Oh hello. The Julian opened his. His stomach dropped.

SPEAKER_12

Gravitational anomaly detected?

SPEAKER_09

That shit ain't normal. Nick? Okay, this is my favorite line here. That is not a normal alert.

SPEAKER_07

That's what the actual script says. That is not a normal alert. I mean character, okay?

SPEAKER_09

Because Marcus and you know the the original Marcus and Julian, not DeMarcus and De Julian. The original ones were like the widest sounding. The script is what does it say? Gravitational anomaly detected.

SPEAKER_02

Gravitational anomaly detected.

SPEAKER_09

That is not a normal alert. Marcus pulled up his own phone. Same message. Beneath it, a loading bar slowly creeping forward, calculating trajectory.

SPEAKER_02

The trajectory of what, Nick?

SPEAKER_09

Overhead, the distortion in the sky deepened. Clouds near the center of it were stretching slightly, like taffy being pulled too thin. DeJulian took a slow step back. Clouds don't do that, Nick.

SPEAKER_02

Man, hell no, they don't. Lil Home.

SPEAKER_03

He didn't notice it the first time, so I was like, dude, this is gonna be so funny when you gonna look at it. I didn't notice it before. Literally just that one.

SPEAKER_10

Oh man, this isn't gonna be as funny for the listeners. Lil Ho! Instead of narrator, it just says Lil Ho.

SPEAKER_09

A low sound rolled across the neighborhood. Not thunder, not mechanical, more like pressure. Something vast shifting far above the atmosphere. Car alarms began going off down the street, one by one.

SPEAKER_02

Hey nigga, we should probably head back into the crib. And where?

SPEAKER_13

Nigga's trip.

SPEAKER_02

It's not even the line at all. That's not a plus.

SPEAKER_10

It's the opposite of that.

SPEAKER_07

Hey, you you right, you right. You right. Nigga, you right. You're goddamn right.

SPEAKER_08

You're goddamn right.

SPEAKER_09

The air felt heavier. Not wind. Wait. DeJulian's phone buzzed again. The message updated. Object approaching. Size unresolved.

SPEAKER_07

Too big of a word? Unresolved is not comforting. Man, that shit don't feel good. Oh, that ain't right. Yeah. Oh, that ain't right. That boy ain't right.

SPEAKER_09

High overhead, something new appeared. At first, the Julian thought it was a shadow. Then he realized shadows don't appear in the sky. It was a dark circle, perfectly round, and perfectly still, and slowly getting larger.

SPEAKER_08

Oh, shut up.

SPEAKER_12

Demarcus.

SPEAKER_02

It's good, eh?

SPEAKER_12

Tell me that's just me.

SPEAKER_02

Shit, I would. I would love to me bumbuck. Just fucking just in my brain.

SPEAKER_07

That's what I'm laughing at. Well, okay, here we go.

SPEAKER_09

Quick pause from that. Why are you upside down? I don't know. Oh, okay. There we go. I fixed it.

SPEAKER_03

I looked over the house by a laughing. Ugh.

SPEAKER_09

For sure, man. The circle deepened in color, swallowing more of the blue around it. The clouds near its edge began to curve inward, spiraling slightly. Not fast, but unmistakably. Streetlights flickered on. It was still full daylight. Like I should know. Another phone alert. This time louder. Urgent. Seek shelter. Gravitational distortion increasing.

SPEAKER_02

I think they really want us to head back in the crib.

SPEAKER_09

Man, the crib ain't gonna help us if the sky's fucking falling. The pressure in the air increased again. The Julian felt it in his chest, in his ears, like being slowly pushed downward by something enormous and massive. Or and invisible. Somewhere nearby the glass shattered something enormous and massive. Somewhere nearby, glass shattered.

SPEAKER_13

You feel that?

SPEAKER_09

You hear like dicks in my ears? Overhead. The dark circle expanded another fraction. The edges of it shimmered faintly. And for just a moment, the Julian could swear there was dicks in his ears. Like the sky was being pulled.

SPEAKER_02

That ain't no fucking space rock, my n man hell nah!

SPEAKER_09

The Julian's phone buzzed one final time. He looked down. Gay porn. But behind that, the loading bar was complete. New text appeared. Event horizon proximity warning.

SPEAKER_02

The Julian.

SPEAKER_12

What's good?

SPEAKER_02

I don't think we're gonna live through this shit beyond blood.

SPEAKER_09

Above them, the sky began to fold. And that's that.

SPEAKER_12

Tell me, man. I could be black.

SPEAKER_14

Man, oh hood.

SPEAKER_12

Should have gone with that voice.

SPEAKER_14

Yo, straight up.

SPEAKER_09

Oh god. I like the idea of these two GTA 5 characters experiencing a black hole coming at them. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, Nick.

SPEAKER_02

You got that really oh, yee yeah ass haircut, you got you some bitches on your dick. Yee yeah. Maybe Tanisha called your dog ass, but she stopped fucking with that brain surgeon Oh Loya, she fucking with. Nick called. I got trimmed up. What?

SPEAKER_12

You should see this fucking thing.

SPEAKER_13

Uh everybody got that wrapped.

SPEAKER_10

Do you know what he was talking about?

SPEAKER_02

Was that GTA 5? That's a scene in GTA 5. You ever seen that scene? That's not even like my favor. My favorite GTA quote that I have memorized is Big Smoke's Order. I have two number nines, a number nine large, a number six with extra dip, a number seven, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda.

SPEAKER_09

Hell yeah. That's my Taco Bell order.

SPEAKER_02

Big Smokes me. Chill, chill! Oh!

SPEAKER_09

Okay, well, I think it's time to end this. Um, thank you for listening. Uh how about socials? Yeah, I was gonna say, Alex, you want to hit us with our socials?

GTA Bits, Rewrites & Meltdown

SPEAKER_12

How about you go check us out on all of our socials? Go to TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, search Will You Survive the Podcast. We're also on X, where you can find us at Alex and Eric W Y S. No, I'm kidding. The boys at that was a joke for the whole firing trope. It used to be Alex and Eric was Twitter. It's the boys at W I S on X. And uh you can send us your emails to the Boys at Will You SurviveThePodcast.com. That's T-H-E-B-O-Y-S at Will You Survive The Podcast dot com, where you can give us criticisms, critiques, or recommendations for movies you'd like us to cover. You can also leave us comments on Spotify and Apple Podcasts where we can read them on the podcast and give you a shout out. Thank you very much for all of your support. And we hope that you'll go download our new episodes.

SPEAKER_02

And check out our merch on the TikTok shop. I still don't have any. I'm sad.

SPEAKER_12

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_09

And with all that, uh I guess I have to announce a winner.

SPEAKER_05

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_09

Gosh, this is actually a hard one. I feel like we all kind of put an equal shenanigans on this one. Um I don't normally let you guys do this, but what's the next movie? Alex?

SPEAKER_11

Or episode. It doesn't have to be a movie, but no, I would I wanted to go back to zombie movies.

SPEAKER_02

I th I was gonna do another Will You Survive Remix?

SPEAKER_09

I have a movie actually lined up and ready to go for the next time I win, which is very rare for me. Just you don't wanna I don't wanna put that out there, just you know, for whoever hosts next. Um I'll pick you. Y'all ever heard of The Tunnel? No. It's an Australian movie.

SPEAKER_11

I actually heard 2011. They're gonna blame the United States again.

SPEAKER_09

I swe I I literally when I heard it was an Australian movie, I was like, I'm gonna pick that one because I need to know if they blame America again, I'm gonna lose it.

SPEAKER_02

I think I feel like yeah, no, it'd definitely be a will you survive remix.

SPEAKER_10

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Maybe I we do a remix of the very first ever where you survive. What was that? Or maybe we should do that on the very first one we didn't do a movie.

SPEAKER_11

No, we did uh It begin uh It begins.

SPEAKER_09

It begins. It was just us talking for like 45 minutes.

SPEAKER_02

Dawn of the Dead was the first one.

SPEAKER_09

Yeah, oh we kinda remixed that. We we kind of redid that one recently with the whole I think Alex did it and from like the news anchor perspective. We did that one recently.

SPEAKER_02

Did we do Dawn of the Dead?

SPEAKER_09

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, so we've already we've done Dawn of the Dead, we've done Shauna the Dead.

SPEAKER_09

Yep.

SPEAKER_02

So we've already done a couple that I wasn't in there for.

SPEAKER_09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Maybe Zombieland. Zombieland's a good one.

SPEAKER_09

Ooh, that is a good one. Did we do Zombieland 2 with you?

SPEAKER_02

Nope. You did Zombieland and then right after Zombieland 2.

SPEAKER_09

No way. I swear so many of these I could have sworn we did with it.

SPEAKER_12

I know, me too. All of the ones I thought he kept saying. We could also but I recommended it.

SPEAKER_02

I was also thinking about we watched the new 28 uh years later. I just watched it.

SPEAKER_11

Yeah, there there's that too.

SPEAKER_02

So we could we you know we could we could start with uh 28 weeks later and then 28 or 28 days later, 28 weeks later.

SPEAKER_09

And then 28 months later, right?

SPEAKER_02

Why'd you do 28 weeks later and then 28 days later?

SPEAKER_12

Because we couldn't find 28 days anywhere.

SPEAKER_09

Oh yeah, because that's one of those movies that was like not on any streaming.

SPEAKER_12

I think it was you, TJ, who sent the link. Uh-huh. Probably. Eric told me it was like you got ad blockers. I was like, Yeah, I got I got all of that.

SPEAKER_09

Uh on a very totally legal site that is super legal. It's all legal. And uh we only want ad blocker because we're just trying to stay safe. Not for any particular reason, not because a lot of hentai ads pop up.

SPEAKER_02

Actually, I think we need to update a certain thing. Fuck.

SPEAKER_09

Sirens. Someone's committing a crime.

SPEAKER_02

I think we need to update the official WIS zombie.

SPEAKER_09

Oh, that would be fun.

Wrap-Up, Socials & Winner

SPEAKER_02

That's my idea. I'm locking it in.

SPEAKER_09

Oh, that's a really good one.

SPEAKER_02

Two years from that date, I think. Because it came out March 8th, 2024. Sorry.

SPEAKER_09

Um literally everybody is deciding to either race or commit a crime right now that's involving sirens.

SPEAKER_12

Desta, no, we have not done Day of the Dead.

SPEAKER_11

Alex, what's your idea? I am looking here. I think. I was looking to see.

SPEAKER_09

The official WIS zombie, I'm not gonna lie, that is intriguing.

SPEAKER_02

Y'all did that like right before I joined.

SPEAKER_12

Oh, that's true, huh? We also still have good old uh Dawn of the Dead. Or I'm sorry, uh Resident Evil. I'm looking at two different things right here.

SPEAKER_09

Resident Evil.

SPEAKER_12

Hokey. But I gotta admit, even the hokey one I'm interested in. Which is called Until Dawn.

SPEAKER_09

Oh, yeah, based on the game?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, no, that movie's gonna be hog shit.

SPEAKER_09

Yeah, the game is honestly. Well, the game is like a movie.

SPEAKER_02

No, they they really like didn't even like isn't it like a groundhogs day scenario in the movie? But that's just that's not what the fucking game is.

SPEAKER_12

Yeah, no, that's exactly what it is. It's like Groundhog's Day.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's not even at all what the game is.

SPEAKER_09

So it's based on a game which was incredible. Um, it was like one of the first games that really delved into the whole like butterfly effect thing. There's so many different endings, and there's no saving in that game. Oh, geez, so somebody dies.

SPEAKER_02

Your goal is to survive until dawn.

SPEAKER_09

Yeah, yeah, you want to have as many characters survive as possible. Markiplier once got like 70% through the game, and then one of the characters he really liked died, and he off camera redid the whole thing to get back to that spot. He made all the same decisions to get back to that exact spot so that she wouldn't die. Because there's no saving, so you can't just like reload your last save. You have to go all the way back.

SPEAKER_12

Alright, what do you think of this? This is the synopsis. After a mother and son get in a car wreck, they soon become hunted by a mutated, grief-stricken deer on a deadly rampage seeking revenge for the death of his mother. Bambi the Reckoning.

SPEAKER_09

Wow. Okay, so for a second I thought you were reading the description of Until Dawn, and I was like, what did they do to this movie? Oh no, no. I was like, oh my god, it's awful.

SPEAKER_12

Bambi the Reckoning. Are you joking me?

SPEAKER_09

Okay. Man, okay, I'm sorry, Alex. I did actually want to give you the win here, but I will say I also did enjoy that TJ changed all the names to DeMarcus and DeJulian. It was a lot of effort on that last one.

SPEAKER_12

I changed De Julian. Oh, you changed those ones?

SPEAKER_09

He changed DeMarcus, and then he changed a few lines. Also, Lil'Ho made me laugh a lot. Um, and I am very interested in re-assessing what the official WIS zombie is now that we have our new not so new host. I've been there for two years. Yeah. So I think I'm gonna give the win to TJ.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Rick. Shout out to the BAFTAs.

SPEAKER_12

Way to go out to the Razzies.

SPEAKER_09

Shout out to that one guy who said a slur during the BATA. No, kidding. Did you hear about that guy?

SPEAKER_12

No, but that was TJ in this episode.

SPEAKER_09

Uh apparently a guy with Tourette's uh said a racial slur. Oh I think it was during the BAFTAs, or was it the BET Wars? I don't know. Um during the BAFTAs, and like a lot of people got really upset about it.

SPEAKER_04

Oh.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09

But okay, uh winner speech, TJ.

SPEAKER_02

Uh I think that winning is just in my bloodline because you know, we was kangs and shit us back in the day. Before we were brought over here against our will. Remember my young black brothers and sisters. We're in this together. We're here to fight against those whiteies. And uh yeah, all right. Um I am running for president in 2028. Uh hit me up if you uh can fund that. Uh I don't think I can compete. But I'm gonna be real. You're not even old enough. You know, it you it'll be the first in history, you know. I'll I'll it I'm gonna change the constitution. I'm old for my age, you know. I'm wiser than you know.

SPEAKER_09

I'm old for my age. Look, uh you know, mentally, I'm 50.

SPEAKER_02

No, guys, guys, listen, listen. I'll I'll I'll even talk like Obama. I think so uh my line with Joe. Uh Italy uh just cause.

SPEAKER_09

So one of my coworkers, we noticed that she kind of shares some similar uh vocal patterns as Obama, and someone pointed that out recently. Was like, you know, you kind of talk like Obama, and then all of us at the same time were like, huh? Yeah, I kind of hear that. And she was like, What do you mean? We're like, you kind of do that whole like um let me explain.

SPEAKER_10

Um you kind of do that, like you kind of have similar vocal patterns. Let me be clear, let me let me be clear, Michelle.

SPEAKER_09

Michelle. Have you guys seen this? Is off topic and not relevant. We're done with the episode, but have you seen those uh those stupid memes where it's like let me be clear, and then it's a piece of glass.

SPEAKER_12

Let me be dear.

SPEAKER_10

Let me be dear. Thank you.

SPEAKER_09

For listening to this episode of Will You Survive the Podcast? Um, what he said.

SPEAKER_02

It's 1 34 a.m. Remember, keep it calm, keep it, keep it clear, keep it Obamader.

SPEAKER_14

Oh, maybe I mean I was trying to think of a rhyme.

SPEAKER_02

Keep it calm, keep it clear, keep it queer. Okay, bitch.

SPEAKER_07

Uh next time. Maybe it's me.

SPEAKER_02

Stay alive.