Keeping or Changing Your Last Name? Let's Talk Choices!

Hey bride, let’s talk about that little ol’ thing called your last name.

You’ve probably seen the posts: “Are you changing it? Keeping it? Hyphenating it? What are you supposed to do?”. Maybe your brain's like, I don’t even know what I want for dinner, let alone my future identity.

In this episode, I’m not here to tell you what to do—I’m here to help you trust yourself to decide. Because this choice is personal, it's layered - nd it might bring up way more than paperwork dread.

We’ll get into:

✨ The hidden stories that make simple decisions feel hard
 ✨ How procrastination isn’t laziness—it’s protection
 ✨ The identity piece most people skip over
 ✨ What the SAVE Act is and why it could matter for you
 ✨ Mindset shifts that make this choice feel a whole lot lighter

Whether you’re stoked to take your partner’s name, feeling torn AF, or straight-up avoiding the whole thing, this convo’s for you. Let’s manage your mind, reclaim your energy, and make this choice from a place of power—not pressure.

Because the only wrong choice? Is the one that’s not yours.

And hey, if this sparked something in you, make sure you’re on the email list. We’re building something powerful over here—Unbridled is opening soon, and you’re gonna want in.
👉 www.alifecoachforbrides.com

Transcript

[00:00:00] Amy: Today we're gonna talk about something that some of you might think is mundane, kind of surface level, but for a lot of people, it's actually pretty damn important. . We're gonna talk about the decision to change your last name.

[00:00:20] This goes way beyond a trip to the Social Security Office, especially right now, if you're an American. You might have heard about something called the Save Act. And girl, if you haven't, you need to because it could affect your right to vote or at least make it more difficult.

[00:00:36] Yes, you heard me right, and no, this episode is not all about politics,

[00:00:41] but you now have even more to think about. 

 Hey bride. Welcome to a podcast that gets real about weddings, the challenges you face, and everything in between. I'm Amy, a life coach on a mission to help you stress less, stay aligned to your vision, and have an experience that actually means something to you. This isn't just about creating an amazing day.

It's about stepping into your power and building a life that feels just as good as it looks, and if that gets you fired up,  you're in the right place. Let's get started. 

I personally had no internal dilemma when it came to changing my last name. I was actually super fucking excited to become a Cloonan. I always knew that I was, I wanted to share the last name and I liked his more. So zero identity crisis for me, but I procrastinated hardcore like. It took me over a year to actually do the thing. Why? Because I convinced myself that it was going to be a huge hassle.

[00:01:22] There's paperwork and appointments, and it just felt daunting and I was annoyed, and it just seemed like a whole lot of rigmarole and I had enough on my plate. And you do too, Having been through a marriage and a divorce before, I did know that it wasn't that hard. It's actually m more cumbersome and frustrating.

[00:01:46] To go back to your maiden name, that's a whole different level of being a pain in the ass. But I kept telling myself it would be hard. It wasn't actually the nightmare my brain created [00:02:00] once I actually made my appointments and just did it.

[00:02:04] The challenge wasn't even the paperwork or the appointments. It was the thoughts that I had about it. I delayed going from Linsmeyer to Cloonan because of the story I told myself about how hard it would be, and so I just kept putting it off.

[00:02:21] I was procrastinating and because I'm in bridal Facebook groups . I know how many of you are struggling with this, like you are months out to your wedding and you're already dreading it. I read your posts and I sometimes respond to them too, but here's the thing.

[00:02:40] We usually don't procrastinate because we're lazy. In fact, I think that is an exception to the rule. It's usually just rooted in fears or some thoughts or emotions around it. So we avoid doing the thing. Well, when it came to this, I was dragging my feet to avoid an inconvenience .For you, it might be something else entirely.

[00:03:02] It might be something very serious, but my point is the anticipation is almost always worse than reality. So here's a tip. Ask yourself, what story am I telling about this? And then challenge it. Like literally. Half of the shit our brain comes up with is make belief, but we just accept it as written in stone.

[00:03:24] so ask yourself if what you're thinking or what thoughts are being offered to you are actually true. Is changing your name the mountain you're making it out to be? Or are you assuming it will be - essentially making it true?

[00:03:38] because that my friend is exactly how thoughts work.

[00:03:43] Amy: I like to call the thoughts that we cling to a self-fulfilling prophecy. Which is what I did to myself. I made it hard and cumbersome because of the thoughts I had about it and because I procrastinated for a year, so I like dragged it out. I suffered [00:04:00] longer.

[00:04:00] The more attention that we give to them, the more we take actions to create that reality in our life. So I'm not saying like freak out every time you have some thought that you don't necessarily believe, but pay attention.

[00:04:14] Pay attention to how much focus or attention that you are giving the thoughts that might not be helpful. If your hesitation isn't making the decision as much as it is, it just being an inconvenience like it was for me, why are you wasting your precious energy on this?

[00:04:29] It is 2025. We're, living in a dumpster fire and you're planning a wedding. You have enough things to worry about.

[00:04:38] Here's what I want you to do. Find out what's required, and then add a page or a tab to what you use to plan your wedding and list the steps in it, like literally after wedding steps to take something like that. That way every time you catch your brain telling you you have no idea what to do, and it's gonna be so hard, you can correct yourself.

[00:05:01] Now let's talk about something that's deeper than paperwork. Your sense of self. For a lot of folks, your name isn't just letters on a driver's license. It's wrapped up in your identity, your career, your history.

[00:05:16] Maybe you've built a professional reputation with your maiden name. Maybe your family name carries cultural significance or connects you to your heritage. Or maybe, and this is totally valid too, you just really love your name and it feels like you. I have worked with brides who worry they'll feel like they're erasing parts of themselves by taking their partner's name, and I get it. Others feel like keeping their maiden name might somehow signal less commitment to their marriage. Spoiler alert, it doesn't.

[00:05:47] Here's what I want you to remember. Your name is personal. Whether you change it, keep it, hyphenate it, or create some totally new arrangement like my cousin did. None of these choices make you [00:06:00] more or less married, more or less feminist, more or less anything.

[00:06:06] This isn't about what your mother-in-law expects or what your colleagues think, or even what your future spouse wants you to do.

[00:06:14] This is about what feels right when you look in the mirror and think this is me. And for those who are genuinely torn, it is okay to sit with that discomfort. In fact, I think you should, and I'm gonna challenge that you do. My advice is to journal about it. Ask yourself where those thoughts and feelings are coming from.

[00:06:36] Talk to other women who've been there. Talk through it with your therapist. Consider all of your options, including unconventional ones like your partner, taking your name, or both of you changing your name together. Now, let's shift gears because, oh. Some dark things are happening in our country and we need to talk about this legislation.

[00:07:03] Recently there has been talk of a bill called the Save Act, safeguard American Voter Eligibility Act, which sounds good like, oh, you're doing something positive for us. No, this could potentially make things very tricky, especially for women who changed their name after marriage.

[00:07:23] The SAVE Act requires documentary proof of citizenship. Think birth certificates or passports for voter registration. On the surface it sounds harmless, but if your voter registration name doesn't match your birth certificate, passport, or previous documentation, you face additional hurdles.

[00:07:42] Like providing a marriage certificate to prove who you are. Honestly, who knows? But the idea of this does not sit right. It feels like an attack on women, and I'm over it. So for brides changing their names, this means potentially more hoops to jump through. [00:08:00] That doesn't mean it has to be a problem, and I certainly don't want it to stop you. Right now it just sounds like more work and maybe an increased chance of being unable to vote if something doesn't line up just right. This is not fear mongering, it is being informed. Is it impossible? Absolutely not. Is it going to be difficult for some people? Maybe. Did I tell my husband that if I ever lose my right to vote because I took his name, I'm changing it right the hell back? I sure did because I wanna participate in this democracy and your girl's gonna do what she has to do. Does he love it? No. And I couldn't care less.

[00:08:43] Now I do not think that it will come to this. But who the hell knows? Like we're, I don't, I don't even know anymore what's happening in this country. So everything is on the table, but even if it does become a new requirement, I know that I'm gonna do what I have to do and I trust that you will too. It's just something to consider.

[00:09:05] Here's my quick advice to navigate this situation. Be proactive with your documentation. If you are planning a name change, just organize everything. Get yourself a fireproof safe for your marriage certificate, your birth certificate, your passport, your social security cards, so that after your wedding, everything is there.

[00:09:27] It's something that we all should do regardless, and if you don't have one, add it to your wedding registry. Problem solved. Also, you want to stay informed about your voting rights, especially if this topic makes you feel a little unsafe. Pay attention to local voter registration rules, deadlines, and changes that are specific to your state. Consider your timing. If your marriage date is close to an election, it might be smart just to wait until afterwards [00:10:00] to finalize the name change, just to avoid registration issues or to feel safer with your decision. Just know all of your options.

[00:10:08] This isn't just a binary choice to keep or change. You can always keep your maiden name professionally and change it legally, hyphenate both names, make your maiden name, your middle name. Create a hybrid or entirely new name with your partner. Or use different names in different contexts. But the point is your options are endless and it is your choice and you can test drive it.

[00:10:31] And I suggest you do before you make it official. See how it feels does it feel like you? Does it excite you? It did me. And remember that it is reversible. Yes. Changing your name back is a pain in the ass. But you have the permission to experiment.

[00:10:50] Don't let anything stop you if it feels like the right thing for you, and lastly, I'm going to say to advocate for yourself and others Your right to self-determination and your right to vote are powerful. So protect both fiercely. Now, back to everyone else who's not uber passionate about this topic.

[00:11:12] People that are just dreading the change due to how hard they think it's going to be, which I truly think is the majority. That tip I talked about earlier. I call it managing your mind.

[00:11:23] It isn't just useful for big decisions. Your ability to examine your thoughts, challenge your fears, and move forward confident in your decisions - will positively impact every aspect of your life, I promise. If you wanna create what you crave, it is absolutely essential. Your name, your identity, your choice, empower yourself.

[00:11:48] , before I'm done yapping, let me just one more time say this. .

[00:11:52] What's right is what feels right for you, not what anybody else expects, not what your friends are doing, [00:12:00] not what's easier or traditional or even progressive. Some of the most feminist women I know. Took their spouse's name because it felt right for them. And some of the most traditional women I know kept their maiden names.

[00:12:14] Neither choice defines your values or your commitments, and despite how your partner does or doesn't react, it's not a measure of the love or commitment you have for them either. Your name is yours to decide. Your identity is yours to shape, and anyone who tries to tell you what you should do. Can kindly see themselves outta the conversation, and I personally don't care who they are.

[00:12:41] You're not betraying your independence by changing your name, and you're not dishonoring your marriage by keeping your own. The only way you can get this wrong, hear me. The only way you can get this wrong is by making a choice that doesn't feel true to you. By making the choice you don't actually want.

[00:13:03] So don't. Trust yourself. And know whatever you decide, I'm cheering you on. Like that's something. Now I want to hear from you. Have you faced the name change dilemma? Are you like having some anxiety around it? Especially in light of our current situation here in America.

[00:13:26] I would love to hear your thoughts on this and what you are thinking. Leave a comment in the show notes. I use Buzzsprout and it's really awesome. I can't respond to you, but I can see what you are saying and I'm interested until the next time, your choices define you, so make sure they're yours.

[00:13:45] Talk soon