147: Elite Recovery - 3 Ways to Leverage Strategic Breaks

We're baaaack! After wrapping up our 5th annual Fearless Warrior Retreat, we made a deliberate decision to take a strategic break from the podcast and we are challenging you to do the same with your athlete. Coach AB and Coach Kara breakdown ways to get strategic about giving her a break without feeling like she's falling behind.

Episode Highlights:

• Why the college coaches are requiring their incoming athletes to take time off
• How to build your relationship as parents outside of sport 
• How to spot the early warning signs of mental burnout
• Questions to ask your athlete to find out if she still loves the game
• How mental training during the off-season is the most underused advantage in youth sports
• The 2 types of recovery that don't involve scrolling TikTok

Ready to make the most of the off-season? We have a 3-day challenge waiting for you inside the Fearless Warrior Program. It walks you and your athlete through 3 powerful exercises to build your relationship and give her mental clarity. Try it free for 7 days and see what a difference just 72 hours of intentional mental training can make.

Ready to jump into mental training? You can do that too, all inside the app!
https://www.skool.com/fearlesswarriors/about

More ways to work with Fearless Warrior

• Learn about our proven Mental Skills Program, The Fearless Warrior Program
• Book a One on One Session for your Athlete
• Book a Mental Skills Workshop for your Team or Organization

Follow us on Social Media

• Facebook @fearlesswarriors.org
• Instagram @fearlesswarrior
• Instagram @fearless.coach.ab
• X @CoachAB_
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Transcript

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AB 0:38

we're back. It is the Fearless Warrior Podcast. It's Coach AB.

Kara 0:43

And I'm here, too. It's Coach Kara.

AB 0:45

We decided we would hop on together and just give you guys a behind-the-scenes. I think one of the reasons why we've taken a step back from the podcast is we just wrapped up our fifth Fearless Warrior Retreat. It was one of the best ones we've ever had. It was a good

Kara 0:59

time. It was so fun. It

AB 1:00

was the best. Um, which is interesting because every year after this event, we personally take a couple weeks off. We wanna focus on our kids in summer, and then we get back at it. In the past, we've released podcast episodes either from the retreat or other things, and this year, we kind of took a step back with the podcast. Yep. So by the time- It just went dark you're listening to this podcast, we have not aired an episode in what, four weeks?

Kara 1:27

Yeah.

AB 1:28

So we're gonna talk about it. Uh, today we thought it would be a really good way to say we practice what we preach. This was a really hard decision for us because we thought, "Oh, we could hurry up. We could push out some content. What could we do?" And we didn't want it to feel like it was rushed, and, you know, when we're two years into the podcast, I think that there's a level of expectation that we want it to be really good for you guys. So this was kind of a hard... It was easy for me to say, "Ah, let's, let's postpone it," but you and Sarah really pushed and said, you know, "Let's, we gotta get an episode out. We gotta get an episode out." So, um, we're gonna challenge you to take a break, too, parents, and then we're gonna give you three reasons why. Um, so I'm, we're gonna start out with this banger of a quote. "Rest is not the opposite of commitment. Sometimes rest is what allows commitment to last." So what have we been doing while we haven't been airing an episode?

Kara 2:29

Yeah, we've been just kind of getting things ready to come back really better than ever, to come back strong. Like you said, we, we could have kind of pushed out half-baked ideas or old content or, or something else just to, like, cover the gap. But we instead decided that we wanted to kind of sit back and prepare to really move forward in a positive way, and actually, like, bring out content that we're proud of and that we're ready to, to bring to the world, instead of just trying to rush to see whatever we could scramble to throw up. Um-

AB 2:58

So we've been contacting some really cool coaches, the coaches we got to watch in regionals, super regionals, the World Series, um, handpicking college coaches that we feel like are gonna share some really amazing nuggets. Um, well, a perfect example, we got to have the Husker coaches and athletes share at the retreat kind of behind the scenes of their season, which was really, really cool. Um, and we've been filming new modules inside Fearless Warriors. That's been a huge project- Mm-hmm of mine, um, with new research. Some of the new research and the new videos, we've already gotten feedback from our members that, you know, the new ver- whatever version we're on, Fearless Warriors 5.0?

Kara 3:38

Fearless Warriors. I don't know. So- New point oh.

AB 3:41

Let's, let's, let's do this. One of the things inside the program that you can access today is a three-day challenge. And so this is our first point, is if you're going to take a break, it's not just sitting on the couch scrolling Instagram. It's not doing nothing, and I think that's one of the biggest myths. So we're gonna give you three reasons and three challenges or three ways that you can incorporate this. So we're gonna tell you about it, but then we're gonna give you actionable things to do. So point number one, build your relationship as mom and dad. Your kids need to know that you love them even if sports weren't in the picture.

Kara 4:21

Yeah. And I think, I think most parents are like, "Well, duh, my kid knows that they love me. Like, I, I do all these other things for them. I, you know, have a, put a roof over their heads and clothes on their backs, and, and of course they know I love them." But I think that most kids, until they're older, take all of those things for granted, that, "Of course my parent would do all those things for me." And it doesn't necessarily read as love in their, in their situations. And so what, what reads for a kid as love is more your time, and more your attention, and the attention that you give to them. And so you get these kids playing these high-level sports at age eight, right? Like, that are playing, you know, multiple tournaments, and multiple games, and multiple nights a week for practices. And what the kid is getting out of that is they're getting the rides to and from the fields. They're getting the post-game talks. They're getting the accolades, and the, "Good job, and it was so fun." And they're getting, they, they know that you're sending videos and showing them videos, and that all reads as love, because that's attention. That's care, and that's their, you're paying attention to them. And so a lot of, a lot of kids, especially if that's the main way they spend time with their parent, that's what they value as love. And so it can get really twisted up in that, "My mom loves me," and it's not, I don't think they would ever say, "Just because I can hit a ball." But they feel most loved when they're hitting a ball and their mom is watching them. And so we gotta be careful about that, as parents, that our kids understand that their value, and their worth, and our love for them is not dependent on how they perform at this weekend's tournament. Or how well... Or even if they end up with a D1 scholarship. Like, we get these young kids setting these big, high goals, and that's good for them, and good for their growth and development. But at the same time, if they tie up their worth or their value as your child in their ability to perform, then that, that can set you up for failure or real big problems down the road.

AB 6:15

I think it's easy to get swept up in this, because we're saying, "Okay, Coach Kara, I hear you, but all of our time, every weekend, is spent at the ball field." Mm-hmm. "How can I cultivate this?" And as a mom of, my oldest is eight, and much younger, right now our time is spent doing puzzles, watching movies, going on walks, and, you know, pushing them in the wagon. And it's a slow, sneaky evolution of, well, when we get into travel ball and multiple sports, it's a slippery slope. And so our advice for you is it's okay to, you know, if you have an off weekend, to not do softball. And it's gonna take some intentionality, especially if you have multiple kids in sports. Um, I'd love for you to share, um, you just did this with your kids at the end of summer. This is a very practical approach. Talk about your, your day dates with your kids.

Kara 7:06

Yeah. It's something that I, we, we established a few years ago, um, that I really have started to look forward to and they've really started to look forward to as, like, a, a reconnection, like, a last hurrah before summer is over. I have four kids, which is a lot of kids. Um, and I, I think it probably, the, this habit or this tradition kind of stemmed out of necessity because one year, it was probably the year I, the first year I had three kids in school, so this was a few years ago, um, when my third was starting kindergarten, and I made the mistake of trying to take them all to Target at the same time with all three of their lists. And, like, you know, two of them can't read, and one of them can read, and then there's the fourth one who's like, "Wait, what am I getting?" Like, "You're not going to school, but everybody else is buying things. Like, what am I buying?" And it was insanity. They were all coming up to me asking for stuff, and I had to say no a million times, which, you know, kind of grates on you as a mom, and it was not enjoyable. It was not fun. And I'm pretty sure we walked out of Target with only about half the things we needed 'cause I just couldn't take it anymore. And so out of that kind of necessity stemmed this idea of taking each kid individually. And so ever since then, at the end of the summer, we plan these back to school dates where I take each kid by themselves, I give them a back to school budget, uh, an amount that we're comfortable spending on them for... This doesn't count for, like, their school necessities, their paper and their binders and whatever. That we just provide. But, like, things like a backpack or a water bottle or a lunchbox, new clothes, things like that that they may not need every single year, or they might not need a new backpack every year, but maybe they want a new backpack. Anyway, so we give them a budget, and then, um, allow them to choose where we go shopping and what we go buy. So they can choose which stores they wanna go to. If they wanna go to some cheaper stores and buy more, if they wanna go to some more, more expensive stuff and buy higher quality or better things or things, specific, a few things that they really like. Um, and then they get to pick where we go to lunch, and we go to lunch, and it's just time to spend together, and it's really enjoyable. I think there's, I mean, there's lots of pros to it. I don't go insane with the back to school shopping. Um, I get to spend some one-on-one time with my kids, which I don't get very often. Uh, they get to learn a little bit about money and budgeting and how in order to buy one thing, you're inherently giving up something else, and what, figuring out what they prioritize and what's most important to them. Um, and it's just really turned this into this, this really great tradition that we have where we just have carved out that little piece of time to where we can be together. We talk about the upcoming school year at lunch. We chat about what they're looking forward to and what some of their goals are and, um, it's just, it's a really good time to spend with each of my kids and reconnect.

AB 9:45

And I love this point because I really don't think, and I might be assuming, but I think what your kids look forward to the most is the day itself- Mm-hmm not necessarily the items. And there's a level of appreciation of, like, this could easily be duplicated for other parents in other ways of-

Kara 10:02

Mm-hmm

AB 10:02

you know, could you not, you know, get in the car and say, "Okay, instead of driving to the facility to go hit in the cage, we're just gonna go have dinner together."

Kara 10:12

Mm-hmm.

AB 10:12

I mean, there are ways that you can incorporate this with not a lot of money and not a lot of time. Mm-hmm. And kind of speak that life into your kids of, "Hey, you know what? Let's just set a sport aside for a second. Like, you're my daughter." Mm-hmm. "If softball wasn't in the picture, how would we spend time together?" And I think that's really cool. Um, I wanted to share o- on this point, Brad Stulberg, I've been reading a lot of his stuff. He's a researcher, a coach. He focuses on human performance, and he combines science, philosophy, personal experience, and, and really has been posting a lot about this. And this youth sports poem, I screenshotted it, and it goes like this: The more money parents pay, the more invested they feel, the crazier they get, the more likely their kids burn out. And reading this, I felt attacked of, oh my gosh, even at this level, when we're, you know, spending time and spending money. I think one of the things that I've seen is there's an Instagram reel trend going around that says, "Watching my Botox money kick a soccer ball around." And if you haven't seen this trend, it's basically saying that parents, mostly sports moms, are sacrificing cosmetic procedures or their purse money or dad's golf money in place of expensive hobbies and sports. And I get that this is supposed to be haha, it's a, a trend. But I just wanna warn parents of, of yes, this might be funny with you and your girlfriends, but if this reaches your kid, they're already starting to feel guilty about, you know, you spend $500 on a bat, and you're watching them walk down the sidewalk realizing they have $1,000. If you have two bats and a glove and a helmet, you have over $1,000 strapped to your kid's back. And so I think sometimes we start doing the math in our head. And I just would really encourage you as parents to say, "Okay, why am I spending this money? Is it because I want her to get a scholarship, or is it because, you know, we're keeping up with the Joneses?" I think when we take a step back and say, "I want her to do this sport. I, if I wasn't spending it on softball, I would be spending it on something else." And I think sometimes taking that step back and saying, "What would our relationship look like if..." the sport wasn't in the picture? Where would we spend our time? Where would we spend our money? Um, and that's- Mm-hmm one way where sometimes the break, if we're encouraging you to take a break as a parent, sometimes it's just as much for you as the parent as it is for her.

Kara 12:38

Yeah. And I think if you really look in the mirror, if you really are honest with yourself, how much of your own worth is tied up into what your daughter's doing? Right. And, and I think that's, you know, you're putting all this money. Technically, you say it's all for her, but, you know, how good does it feel to be the parent of the star athlete? Or how good does it be- Right to be the parent of the, you know, brand-new D1 signee? So, and, and I don't think there's anything wrong with being proud of our kids or wanting our kids to achieve or enjoying our kids' successes. Like, I think that is part of parenting. But if we're doing that at the cost of our kids' mental health, then there's a big issue there, and I think that's the line that we need to make sure we're never crossing, that we're never, we're never sacrificing our kids' mental health. And, and essentially, when we say, "I don't care, I paid for this. Keep going," um, we're saying, "My money is more important to me than you." Right. And that's, that's a scary message for our kids to hear and internalize, and it's a scary, um, it's a scary message for parents to have if they really truly believe that. Like, I mean, there's one thing to make sure that, you know, your kids are committed and teaching commitment and dedication. And w- and we're not saying, and at no point are we saying, like, you should- You know, just sit around and do nothing all the time. Like, that's not at all- Right the, uh, advice that we're giving. But it's when we're, when we're noticing those cracks, when we're noticing that our kid needs a break, and we instead tell them, "Tough it up and push through," um, that's essentially the message we're giving them is, "I don't care what you think. I don't care what your body is telling you. My money is saying you're gonna keep playing." And that's a rough, rough message.

AB 14:14

Chef's kiss. Amazing segue, 'cause you've, you've touched on it, is step two, right? Mm-hmm. And, and topic number two is we have to give the mind a rest. Mm-hmm. I think there's something to be said for giving the body a rest, but the reason we wanted to talk about breaks is giving the mind a reset is if you start to notice, sometimes we think that it's this big, "I wanna quit," right? Mm-hmm. "Oh, well she's not saying she wants to quit." It's more subtle than that. And we say, look for the loss of joy. If there's a point- Mm-hmm where she's starting to look burnt out because she's dreading going to practice, or she's just not putting full effort, or you're asking us, "Hey, Coach Kara, Coach AB, how do I get her to be motivated?" If she's not motivated to go put work in in the backyard, that might be kind of a warning sign that she might need a mental break. Um, and it, it doesn't always look like dramatically quitting the sport. It's she's still showing up, she's practicing, she's playing. But she might be irritable, she's emotionally checked out. She's doing it because she feels like she has to because of those- Mm-hmm subtle conversations. So-

Kara 15:20

Yeah

AB 15:21

you know-

Kara 15:21

And once again, we're not talking about normal ebbs and flows. Like, there's a normal ebb and flow. I, I don't know a single athlete that, that is joyous at practice every single day.

AB 15:30

Right.

Kara 15:31

Like, that just doesn't happen. Athletics are a grind. They are. And that's one of the good things about them. They teach discipline. They teach doing the thing that you need to do over the thing you want to do. And so, like, I think that there, there is that, that balancing act that parents are trying to do. And I think just like we shouldn't, we shouldn't lean towards the you'll never take a break, we also shouldn't lean towards the, well, if you have any discomfort or any hardness, then you have to take a break. Like, like- Yeah there's a balancing out between the two. And, and as a parent, you actually are in a really good position to hopefully know your children the best, and to have these k- types of conversations with your kid. And if you're noticing these over a span of weeks, if you're noticing... And even just, um, these, these, um, you know- curious questions that you can ask. Like, are you having fun? Is this enjoyable? Are you enjoying the sport? Or what do you like most about the sport right now? And if your kids are having a hard time coming up with reasons they love the sport, you're probably well past time for a break. Because every athlete, even though if they're in a grind, if they love it, they'll continue to grind, and that's okay. Mm-hmm. And that's, that's kind of how you know that what they're doing is all right. Um, and but it's that, it's that staying curious and like being open to the idea, or even just accepting as a parent they are going to need breaks. They're going to need them. Yeah. And now my job as a parent is to watch for when, and to, to be aware of when they're gonna need those breaks, and, and, and advocate for our kids, and help our kids know it's okay to take a break.

AB 16:57

Right. And it's okay to not be okay. I think one of the things that is heartbreaking to us is we get a lot of contact us forms, we get a lot of DMs, and I would say that 90% of the time that parents reach us, it has now become an emergent situation where- Mm-hmm oh, my gosh, she's really struggling. She wants to quit. She's in a slump. It's this emergency state of, oh, my gosh, how do I help her? And if we could speak life into parents listening is you don't have to wait till you get to this point to give her, A, a mental reset, or B, mental training. Mm-hmm. I'm looking at our new trainings right now, and phase one inside the program is all about her identity. How does her mind work? What is her identity outside of sport? My most favorite example is we give them skills of, okay, if softball is what I do, not who I am, how do I cultivate that? And that whole module is helping her realize what are the other pieces of her identity, and then how does she fill those buckets outside of softball. So, we give them some really cool, we call them mental reps, which are tangible- Mm-hmm things that she can do. So, um, you know, the other one in there is knowing your why and your support system. We like the theme of buckets, so am I asking the right person to fill the right bucket? And the comment on that is sometimes they just need you, back to our first point, sometimes they need to just have mom and dad be mom and dad. They don't need another coach. So, mental skills training, a mental break. Again, we're not doing nothing. Mm-hmm. We're not sitting scrolling TikTok or Instagram. If you want her to sit and scroll, she can scroll through our new app. She gets a mental skill every single week. Right? It's, it's that active. Yeah. So, for sake of time, that's our segue for point number three, which we wanted to save for last. It's the most obvious one. Mm-hmm. We have to give the body a break, the muscles. Grinding only works if there's a recovery built into the grind. And again, you made the point, we're not asking them to just be lazy. They're still gonna be disciplined, we're just being more intentional about the recovery that we're, we're building into that of, of our- Mm-hmm of our practice plan.

Kara 19:12

Yeah. I love the idea too, and if you'll, you'll find this in elite sports or, or, um, personal trainers will talk about this or, or whatever, but they'll talk about active recovery. And I love... I think that's a newer word that hasn't been around for forever, but it's this idea of, of once again, you're not just doing nothing, you're doing something in order to stimulate your recovery. And that, that changes that, that flips that switch in your brain of I'm just, I'm not just not running, um, I am getting ready to run again. And so it's this idea of I'm actively doing something so that when I return to sport, when I return to whatever I'm doing, I'm more prepared. My body is more ready to do that thing than if I hadn't prepared for it. And so I think that's really important, that more is sometimes just more. It's not necessarily better. Right. And that we need to make sure that we are building in that time for our body to actively recover. That to do those things that deload our body, to deload our muscles so that we can be ready to return better.

AB 20:16

Right.

Kara 20:16

Not just, you know, sleep more.

AB 20:20

Well, and you said it great, a deload week, and if we get really science-y, is that you're, you're deliberately doing something to speed up the recovery. Mm-hmm. When you build muscles in a lifting program, a deload week, and I just learned this, uh, I think I started working out two years ago I was always spoon-fed a plan, like, "Here's your lifting plan," and we just followed the plan, but I didn't understand the science of it. A deload week is reducing it by anywhere from 50 to 30% of whatever your actual weight is, and you're no longer stressing the body. The muscle fibers are literally rebuilding in the recovery. The muscle fibers are not building while you're lifting. When you're lifting- Yeah and you're fatiguing the body, the, the muscle fibers are literally breaking. And so if we compare that to sports, or even softball, if she's grinding, grinding, grinding, she's breaking her muscle fibers down. And when are you allowing those muscle fibers to rebuild?

Kara 21:15

Yeah. And some good things to look out for are is if you are getting weaker or slower, then that probably is a really good sign that your body hasn't had time to repair. Because you're literally continuing to break the muscle without giving it time to regrow. And so if you feel weaker, if you feel slower, if you feel more lethargic, chances are it's time to take a break, and it's time to let your body actively recover. And once again, that doesn't mean just sitting on a couch. It could mean things like instead of running, we're gonna walk.

AB 21:42

Right.

Kara 21:42

Or instead of lifting, we're gonna stretch. Mm-hmm. Or do body weight exercises, right? Those are things that we can do that are actively helping our body take stress off and rebuild that muscle that we need to have.

AB 21:55

Well, and some sport-specific things of can she try yoga, can she try Pilates? Um, if you're grinding on pitching or hitting, what could you do to, um, you know, just do some 15 minutes of long toss, where we're not really trying to pitch hard.

Kara 22:09

Mm-hmm.

AB 22:09

Again, we're not experts in this, but we're trying to make out the point of, like, sometimes taking a break can feel really threatening because we don't wanna fall behind. And what we're trying to make the point is, is that if you sacrifice, no breaks, um, it's somewhere in our notes, but would you rather take a couple weeks off or grind through for three to four years, and then there's a dead end. You know? Burnout. It's like- Or have a major

Kara 22:39

injury

AB 22:39

three weeks here and there. Which, okay, Mizzou, love this quote from Coach Larissa Anderson. College coaches want to know that your athlete is taking a break, because now with NIL and all the things going on in college sports, if you have goals to have your daughter make it to play college sports, these college coaches are investing. And if they know that they're getting an athlete that understands the value of recovery, um, you know, once they get to college, this is a, a direct quote from MSP Night of Champions event in Kansas City, Coach Larissa Anderson said- Requiring incoming athletes to look at their 12-month calendar and find at least two different times where they will take two to three weeks off. Your mind and body need to recover, she explained to athletes and, and parents attending this event. This is coming from the top. Mm-hmm. We're not just shouting it. We're saying, "We're giving you real examples." And we have plenty of examples. You know, you think about the college season. How long is the college season? Four months?

Kara 23:38

Mm-hmm.

AB 23:39

How long is MLB? Seven months? Mm-hmm. And yet, youth athletes are grinding 12 months out of the year.

Kara 23:47

Yeah

AB 23:48

You know? So-

Kara 23:48

And it could be, the rest, once again, doesn't have to be sitting on the couch. The rest could be throwing in a season of another sport, right? Yeah. That's rest. Like, that's rest from softball to go play something else, and it's good for your body to cross-train. It's good for your mind to have something else to focus on. And sometimes you think, "Well, she's not good at anything else," or, "This is her sport," but you realize that you don't have to be good at something to play it. If you're having fun, that's good enough. Like, you might have your one sport that's, like, more of a job or something that you are, can excel and you can be amazing at, but there's so many other sports out there to give a try, to have, to play rec league, to play something that is just, like, pick up. Play pick up. That's what... I, I, I actually think our, our s- youth today are missing something from a lack of pick-up sports. Like, it used to be that you'd just show up at a park and there's people playing basketball just for fun. Yeah. You just don't see it as often anymore, and as a result, now as an adult who used to play basketball, I have... I struggle to find other women to play basketball with, 'cause tons of women didn't play basketball, 'cause they played some other sport, right? They c- they committed- Sure to some other sport at the, at the expense of all other sports. And, and we kinda have this idea in our society, well, if you're not elite, then what's the point?

AB 24:57

Right.

Kara 24:58

It could be fun. And the point is it's something different, and it's something- Yeah that can help you regenerate and be ready to go even, even better.

AB 25:05

I love it. Well, we gave some, some actionable tips. We're back. The podcast is back. We wanted to keep this episode sh- super short, but also something that you could implement. So, how can you invest in your relationship with your daughter? Do something outside of her sport. Take her to dinner, a, a date. It could be as simple as ice cream. Uh, we, this is actually one of the challenges inside the three-day challenge. We'll link that below. And then how do we give her mind a break? Mental training, mental skills, is a great way, um, to give her mind that break and give her some tools to understand that she's more than her sport. And lastly, the body. How do we incorporate rest periods? So if you are not a fall sport, there's only five in the nation. Nebraska happens to be one of them. Georgia. Can't think of the others. But the chances that your daughter is currently playing is low, and I know that a lot of you will play club fall sports. But if you have an opportunity to find two to three weeks, the other opportunity is around Christmastime, is another great opportunity for her to take two to three weeks off where she's not touching a ball. We're not asking her to be lazy. You're gonna have to get intentional of active rest, walks, stretching, some of those other activities. So with that, final question for you to, to stew on: What if the break you're afraid of will make your athlete fall behind is actually the thing that helps her stay in the game? How's that for a final thought?

Kara 26:34

Yeah. It's a mic drop, for sure.

AB 26:36

Okay. So let us know if you incorporate this, if you wanna DM us. Um, we're also trying to seek new ways to make the podcast better, so final ask, if you would do us a favor and, A, review the podcast, and B, send us a DM. Who do you wanna hear on the podcast? What topics do you want us to answer? And maybe we'll give you a shout-out and feature. If you let us know what you wanna hear, we'll give you a shout-out. So with that, welcome back. Podcast is rolling.