Mom Get Off The Wifi
A comedy based podcast from two people who met on the internet brought to you by Novairz and BigDaddyFatSax
Mom Get Off The Wifi
A Million Fumbles
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Welcome back to Mom Get Off The Wifi. A podcast with two people (Novairz & Bigdaddyfatsax) who became friends over the internet. Finally out of hiatus after years and back with weekly episodes every Thursday!
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Mom, get off the Wi-Fi. Get off the Wi-Fi, bit off the Wi-Fi, what the f are you doing? I told you my time get off the fucking Wi-Fi!
SPEAKER_01Welcome back. Uh episode, what is it, 47?
SPEAKER_007. 47, baby. Welcome to episode 77. Welcome back to Walmart, baby. I've been super autopilot today. So I'm locking in.
SPEAKER_01You have to lock in, bro.
SPEAKER_00Dude, you know, like those days you just wake up and you're just like, alright, I'm gonna go to work, I'm gonna do whatever. I go to work, and uh my supervisor, my other supervisor, told me that uh I look like Drew Barrymore from The Wedding Singer. And I was like, if one if what if one person says I need people to stop talking about my hair, okay? I know I don't know what I'm doing, but that was a wild one. Because then I couldn't remember how she looked like, and I looked it up and I was like, ah fuck, I do look like her. That shit pissed me off. I was like, what a wild reference. That was the first thing I heard, not even a hi. Not a high, no nothing.
SPEAKER_01Bro, you have to be Drew Barry War for Halloween, bro, this year.
SPEAKER_00Like fuck no, fuck no, fuck no, you gotta wear that white outfit too, bro. No, dude, we're on all platforms now, as of now, dude. I was looking through the Apple podcast, they like put chapters on our stuff, and I don't know how to take that off. Like, if you scroll through. No, like chapters why in the audio of what we're talking about.
SPEAKER_01It's AI, bro.
SPEAKER_00Dude, it just did it by itself. I didn't check no boxes, I don't think. And then and then it says like pop culture and sports, and it's like me talking about my dick. It's not even right. Like, I don't like I like I don't even like people are gonna go through these chapters and they're gonna be like, What? This is not this is not what I thought it was.
SPEAKER_01Pop culture, popping your ping. Yes, it's it's it's there, bro.
SPEAKER_00You know, this AI is so confused listening to our to our podcast. I didn't forgot how to turn that off. I don't like that. That's annoying.
SPEAKER_01Why? What if it flags it the right way, bro?
SPEAKER_00You think it'd be like a big thing.
SPEAKER_01It reaches the demographics we didn't we didn't even know of, you know.
SPEAKER_00But like you don't even know, it doesn't even show it unless like you scroll through it. Once you scroll through it, it just pulls up chapters. Like it's like you barely even notice it. I don't know. I don't know, dude. Yeah, but this Drew Barrymore shit, that shit ruined my day.
SPEAKER_01Why do you let shit like that happen? You should have you should have received it as a compliment, bro.
SPEAKER_00I was too tired, I just wasn't ready. You know what I mean? You know, some days you're just like, I just want a smooth day, and everyone's like, hey, you look like a fucking dumb bitch. Not that Drew Barrymore's a dumb bitch, I'm dumb, I'm dumb. You know what I mean? I didn't mean it like that, but that's how they said it to me, you know. If anything, they were really offensive about that because that's how they made me feel, you know. I'm gonna call HR on them. I'm gonna call HR.
SPEAKER_01Bro, actually, you know what? Can we talk about something real quick? Can we talk about something real quick?
SPEAKER_02Huh?
SPEAKER_01You fucking you orientation ass do your training ass fucking companies. Can y'all please, please, please, please, please, please stop putting in like bribes for bottom of the totem pole ass fucking people during their orientations? Bro, I did like a three-hour class on not taking bribes from public officials. Oh yeah, what the fuck do you think I can do to make somebody pull the trigger at my company to be like, yo, fat sex? If you take this a hundred dollars, can we get your business? No, bitch, I don't give two fucking shits about that. Go fucking pay the president. Like, why the fuck do I have to worry about? There is some weird shit.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we have to do that too. It's like, so if you're talking to Poland, are you able to share these files with them? What do you mean? What the fuck am I gonna be talking to Poland, bro? The whole country?
SPEAKER_01Like, the sexual harassment trainings are fucking crazy, dude. It's like, don't put your dick on somebody's shoulder. No fucking shit, dude. Like, what? Of course, like who the fuck wouldn't know this shit? You know what I mean? It's 2026, dog. Don't put your dick on people's shoulders.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, what what happened when they're like, we need to put this part in? This has been happening. Way too much. Like, you know what I mean? It's been too much of a common occurrence where they have to talk about it. There was one that I saw at my job, it was like, um, oh, if somebody's being sexually harassed, like, you know, the like uh like verbally sexually harassed, like, what can you do to like stop the situation? And if somebody just like stumbling in between them, whoa, there like it's just the most like most cartoon like way to stop something. Just go in between them, like just pretend you're stumbling and go like what is this? What I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Here I am, like, hey bro, stop that shit. That shit's weird. Like, like you know what I mean? Like, I'm just calling sexual harassment, watch out. Y'all want to sit here and like try to sidewind that shit? No, tell them that shit's weird. Stop it. Fucking shit. They don't like you, bro. I don't give two shits, like stop being weird, dog. This is why you it's because you motherfuckers were weird that we have to do these fuck ass trainings, dude.
SPEAKER_00I was just watching a stream earlier. I don't know, wait. Yeah, anyway, I'll talk about it. I'll talk about it. There's this there's this guy.
SPEAKER_01He hates talking about Twitch, guys.
SPEAKER_00They're doing an e-day for him or whatever, but it's because he caught his girlfriend in and like they're broken up now, but he caught his girlfriend in his bathroom FaceTiming her cousin like sex shit. She was being sexual with her cousin, her cousin, and then he went to her and found notes of things that they want to do, and then the notes that were shared was her and her cousin, and then there's a video of them breaking up and then her crying. She's like, I don't just psychologically not okay right now. I was like, Oh, and then you know, Twitch, we need to get an e-day for this guy. Yeah, but that's crazy. That's crazy.
SPEAKER_01These two people are the reason why we have sexual harassment fucking trainings at work, bro. They're the reason why they have all that shit. Fuck, bro. These fucking weirdos out here, dog. Ah damn. We uh we we're in the middle of the last podcast, and I asked you for your predictions on the finals.
SPEAKER_00I had some questions because I did say Spurs, and um Zara was editing after the Spurs lost. So she made me look like a dumbass. Uh, if you guys watch uh the video, Zara is like always putting in her two cents everywhere. And uh they do they still have a chance to win? They do, right?
SPEAKER_01Okay, so they they're they are in the finals finals. Like it's there's it's only the two teams going head to head. So it's like this is whoever wins this series is the champion. You know what I mean? Yeah, and that's why I asked do you think who do you think will win out of the Thunder and the Spurs? You you pick the Spurs, so you were 50-50. Let's be fair. So far, you're 50-50. And then my my follow-up question to that is after them getting their asses handed to them in game one, and they're playing right now. Okay, do you still think that they are going to win?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean, the prediction doesn't change. You know, the one thing about gambling, you know, when they give you like the you the the three options about something, and you pick like two, and then when it goes to the one and two, you should always still stick to the two, you shouldn't change it to one, just still stick to that.
SPEAKER_01Hormal gambling advice. No, this is somebody said that.
SPEAKER_00I swear that was real. Like, no, no, I still go by uh not how well they're doing, going by the color of their jerseys, and the Spurs should win. And what are they going to get? The Knicks, right? They're the ones that are going crazy right now. New York's been doing a little too well, you know, of everything. Like, I'm not talking about sports, I'm just talking about they're too happy over there. You know, they're way too happy. I don't know. I just see Mom Donnie on the street saying, I gotta bacon, egg, and cheese. Oh, wait, he's Muslim, not bacon. But he's like, I got an egg and cheese. He goes, Yurr! He's like walking around everywhere doing that, everyone's smiling, you know. They gotta get taken down a notch. They're not gonna win.
SPEAKER_01I will say, I will say this. I'm not gonna change it. I do still want the Knicks to win.
SPEAKER_00However, I mean, want this wasn't about want. This was about what my senses were telling me.
SPEAKER_01This dude acts like he has a sixth sense.
SPEAKER_00And watch the Spurs take it all.
SPEAKER_01Did you do any other homework? Do you know, do you know any other players on the Spurs besides De'Aaron Fox and I did. I don't even know.
SPEAKER_00I don't even know who either of those people are. But uh no, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't, but I've been doing a lot. I've been doing a lot since the last time we recorded, you know? Working? Yeah. Dude, my hair. I'm talking about my hair again, but I have this one thing to ask. And do you think this is okay? So the gray hairs are coming in a lot. I know some today. Uh do you think I should start dyeing my hair?
SPEAKER_01Nah.
SPEAKER_00Or should I just let the gray hairs come in? Because they're coming in random places. Like it's not not even together. If it was together, I think it'd be kind of cool.
SPEAKER_01But yeah, no, let it let them come.
SPEAKER_00Who?
SPEAKER_01Your hair, your gray hair.
SPEAKER_00Uh no, no, no, yeah. That's what I'm saying. So I said it, I shouldn't like dye them. Like, cause you just dye them once on the premise, and it's just good.
SPEAKER_01Bro, once you get that salt and pepper look, dog, you can be killing it.
SPEAKER_00Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_01Right now you're not gonna know you're not gonna start working out, you know what I mean? So you're not gonna get swole, so you might as well get the still. I've been doing little things. I've been doing the j the George Clooney, the brown George Clooney, you know what I'm saying? The Amita Butchum. That's all what Amita Butchum? He's like the Indian George Clooney. Yeah, sure. I'm not gonna lie, cuz he just looks he he just he looks like a uh like an older um who's the other dude? Shadow Khan? He looks like an older version of him, dog. No, he's and it may be racist.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's racist.
SPEAKER_01I'm sorry, but yeah, I I think you could rock it, dog. You you do the salt and pepper look, bro?
SPEAKER_00Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_01You be fire, bro.
SPEAKER_00Who else has fire salt and pepper looks? Do you remember salt and pepper from uh blues clues? Is it blues clues? Yeah. Salt and pepper, and they had a baby like oregano or something. Yeah, right? Dead ass? Yeah, they had salt and pepper, I'm pretty sure. It was blues clues.
SPEAKER_01Blues clues, kid. Oh, they had more than one kid. What? They had they had paprika, they had cinnamon, they had sage and ginger. That's wild, bro.
SPEAKER_00Where the fuck did oregano go? I swear there was an oregano.
SPEAKER_01So, wait, hold up. Mr. Mrs. Pepper.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I think that should be the other round, because women are more salty than men are.
SPEAKER_00Wait, the girl is Pepper?
SPEAKER_01Exactly. See, I'm glad I should.
SPEAKER_00No, but but but no, but not not for the reason that of being salty. It just does it like Pepper should be the guy.
SPEAKER_01Why?
SPEAKER_00I don't know. What are you thinking? You you you have an alternative. Wait, what the what the fuck are you thinking? What do you mean? I'm just saying Pepper just seems like Nah. I was I was just asking. I don't know. The way you said why was like, oh, he's about to do something. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01I was intrigued by why you were saying that. So I was like, all right, you know, maybe he's got an argument here.
SPEAKER_00I do, but I'm not gonna say it. Say it. Alright, well, we're cutting this out. We're cutting it. Hey, guilty pleasure. I fucking love Long John Silver.
SPEAKER_01Really?
SPEAKER_00I'm not even lying to you.
SPEAKER_01You know what? That is surprised me.
SPEAKER_00Why?
SPEAKER_01Because you like the fish filet from McDonald's.
SPEAKER_00True. True. I love, yeah, I love Long John. Well, the fish filet from McDonald's is actually good. So we're not gonna act like that's not no you guys. The beef at McDonald's literally has hair on it. Like it feels like you're it feels like cat's tongue or something.
SPEAKER_01I'm not here fighting for the beef at McDonald's either. I'm just saying the best. Then what are you fighting for? Like the beef there.
SPEAKER_00Like that's not a big mag. No, I'm saying a fish fillet is literally just so much better. So much better. Not not the double stack fish filet, not the double. That's too much. Just to get the regular one, some extra tartar sauce. You're good. You're good.
SPEAKER_01That's crazy. No. Hell no.
SPEAKER_00I feel like this is another Drake opinion. I feel like this is another thing where let's all just hate on the fish fillet because everyone's hating on it, you know?
SPEAKER_01No, I think it's just hating on McDonald's food thinking it's top tier.
SPEAKER_00Well, I hate McDonald's. Yeah, I don't even get McDonald's. I don't. I haven't gotten McDonald's in a in a while.
SPEAKER_01But you fuck up in fish fillets. If okay.
SPEAKER_00That's the one thing I missed. Well, if I was going there, it'd be like uh the McChicken and a fish fillet.
SPEAKER_01If somebody said, if somebody said we will give you a million dollars, but you have to eat 50 fish fillets in in an hour.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I'll do it.
SPEAKER_01You're gonna be able to knock it out in an hour?
SPEAKER_00Honestly, 50 of them, I probably wouldn't be able to do that. I don't think I'd physically be able to do that to be dead ass. Uh, but I'll try. Yeah, I'll try. I'll definitely try.
SPEAKER_01Kid Richard die trying type shit. Or like you like risk at all to do it?
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna die because of gluttony. Yeah, for sure. Gluttony and greed, both of them. Like, you know what I mean? Both of them. Both of them. Double up. Yeah, hell yeah. If they're like, I'm gonna give you a million dollars for 50 fish fillets, yeah, hell yeah, I'm gonna try. I'll go to the hospital after two if I need to.
SPEAKER_01What kind of fish is it?
SPEAKER_00I don't know.
SPEAKER_01What kind of fish? Exactly.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I don't ask, but isn't like if somebody's gonna give me tilapia, that could literally be anything. They're giving me any type of fish. You know? But I still eat tilapia. Like if I'm getting tilapia, it's like, am I really eating tilapia? No. You get what I'm saying? I don't think you know about your fish.
SPEAKER_01It's 100% wildcot. Oh, wildcot Alaska.
SPEAKER_00Oh, that's fine. They on silver. Whoa, whoa, don't say that word. That's what that's what it's that is what it says. That's what it says. You say pol That's what it says. P O L Have you heard about the Polish before?
SPEAKER_01That's wild. Okay, I'm sorry. For the Polish people who aren't listening, I'm fucking sorry right now, bro.
SPEAKER_00I think I think that's I I don't think that he meant it in any of that way, so I don't think we need to censor that. You know, I think we're fine because he literally just had to look it up. But that's that's that's wild it's spelled the same way. No, it's not. I just looked it up and it's spelled PO. So I used to work at uh Gilly Hicks, right? Which is this Hollister lingerie store, you know, thing. When I was like young, when I was young, when I was like 19, maybe 20, you know, something like that. And I worked there at the mall. There's this one girl that I've known for a long time. She's super fine at everything. I remember I I went and she didn't work there with me, right? But I worked at the mall, and this is a mall that everyone goes to in Illinois. I'm sure everyone can connect the dots, maybe, but it's like a famous mall. And uh I I was like on my breaks, I'm just sitting on the ledge, like in the center where everyone's walking around. I'm just eating my like panini or some shit, you know? And I'm there with my friend, and this one girl goes, uh, she just comes and just like walks up to me and she looks at me, and I'm sitting on like a high ledge, and then I'm wearing my fucking Hollister clothes looking like a douchebag, but I'm just like looking at her, and she's I'm like, she goes, Hey Novaire, and I'm like, hey. And she goes, How you doing? I'm like, I'm good. And she goes, Do you know who I am? And I was like, um Jennifer Ashley. I forgot who she was. I I I forgot who I was she didn't look that different either. I don't know what the fuck happened in my fucking brain. Like the last time I saw her was probably like less than a year ago.
SPEAKER_01Damn, you were unrememberable.
SPEAKER_00No, don't say that to her. No, but like, but like it's Sabrina. It's Sabrina. Carpenter? No, no, no, not Carpenter. She was way finer than Sabrina Carpenter. And I was just like, yeah, I was kind of starting. It's like, what's this pretty girl talking to me? Like, that's like the first thing that I was like thinking about. I was like, I'm just over here, got mustard on my shirt, eating this fucking food. Like she's like, hey, and dude, oh my god. I looked at her and I was like falling in love, but I felt I was like, I'm supposed to know her, and especially back then, I was doing a lot of stuff. It was very easy for me to forget everything, you know? Yeah, and I remember my friend that worked with me, like he is like a work friend. He was kind of like, yo, yo, like, you know what I mean? You know, you know, you know, he's just like, he's like, yo, this girl's talking to you. I was like, she can see you, bro. Stop. Like, you know, it was like all this, all the stupid shit. And then uh she was like, Oh, I'm Sabrina, and I'm like, Oh, Sabrina, and I remember I literally helped her with our art project. Like, we hung out. Like, I've been to her house, and then for some reason I blinked and I couldn't. It was just such a surprise, and I haven't talked to her since. And I had the biggest crush on her, and it's and now this sounds weird. How are you gonna have the biggest crush on somebody and then forget who they are? I don't know. She like changes she changed her hair or something, and then like I was I don't know. I don't know what happened. But Sabrina, she's probably married or something now. I have no idea.
SPEAKER_01Would you consider her a great white buffalo?
SPEAKER_00I don't think we even got to the point to find out, and I think that's what hurts more. Mm-hmm. Damn. Because we got along, we got along so well, and I was how did I forget? Forget her. Because as soon as as soon as she said Sabrina, it was like and I felt so fucking stupid. I felt so stupid that I didn't remember her.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god. Which is crazy because that those opportunities don't happen a lot for guys, and you're fucking bro.
SPEAKER_00I know, bro. I'm 35. This happened to me when I was like 20 or something. Like, you know, I still think about it. I still think about it. And she liked me. I know she liked me. I know she liked me.
SPEAKER_01You're a likable dude, bro. You know, which is like I hope so. Like, look at that, bro. Bro, so you're 35 now.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01If she came up to you today, this is probably like another uh this is probably like the longest it's been since that first interaction, right? If she came up to you today and she's like, hey, you remember me? Same thing. Would you be able to be like lock in that time? You know what?
SPEAKER_00Here's my if any white girl comes up to me and say, Hey, remember me? I'm just gonna say Sabrina right away. Just in case. If you're not Sabrina bitch, you're the one who fucked up. I'm just gonna say Sabrina first. That's what I'm gonna say, in case, you know. And I think that's a rule that I made a while ago. Uh so yeah, if that happens, I can't fuck it up again. But with that interaction, oh my god, you could feel the saltiness. Cause like, how much of a loser did she have to feel like? Bro, she she ran up. She boom, boom, boom. Oh, we're friends, and we're such good friends. Oh my god. And then I didn't even know who the fuck she was. Oh my god. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01You fucking you you didn't. I'm more mad that I made her what I was. You crashed her plane, bro.
SPEAKER_00Okay, her emotional plane. I crashed that shit, bro. And you know what? I've never forgotten. And the thing is, I don't want her to feel like that, and that sucks. That I made her feel like a fucking loser.
SPEAKER_01Sabrina, if you're listening, circle back. My boy got you this time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I'm I'm here. You know? I'm here.
SPEAKER_01Yo, that I'm here. That was crazy, bro. I'm here. That was like a now everybody I meet a case of desperation there.
SPEAKER_00I'm here. Everybody, everybody I meet. If anybody asks me, oh, uh, do you remember me? I'm like, oh, Sabrina? I say that all the time now because I think about you. It's like a seven-foot guy's like, hey man, you remember me? Sabrina? Yeah, like you know, it's like, you know, all the time. It's like I'm not fucking it up. I'm not gonna fuck it up.
SPEAKER_01How many, how many other opportunities have have you missed out on because of your own ignorance, bro?
SPEAKER_00So many, I can name them.
SPEAKER_01Let's go.
SPEAKER_00This one right now, bro. I think her name is Tanvi. Tanvi, Indian girl.
SPEAKER_01Okay, next one. I don't need to hear about it.
SPEAKER_00Nas, she's a Pakistani girl. I just liked her story the other day.
SPEAKER_01Um, so you still trying to run it.
SPEAKER_00Okay, alright. Oh, Monica. But she was such a bitch.
SPEAKER_01Dang, bro, did her full name the other two? Fuck that.
SPEAKER_00There was this time I was talking to her, and she's just like, she was bad, right? She's she's just bad. Right? And like a lot of the times, and she was like, hang out, me and my friend group and everything, like, you know, sitting on my lap, doing all the, you know, doing all the all the things that you should do, and be like, hey, I like you. You know?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But I was talking also talking to another girl, which is now my ex girlfriend, right? And uh she knew that. Uh it was never like a thing like that. Like, you know, at the point where you're talking to people, you're talking to people, you know? Uh I I didn't I didn't like, you know. No, but like she was like the thing is in my head I was like bro she's too bad she's just too and she was a little high maintenance, you know? But she was just so bad. So I was like, nah, I'm not gonna do that because I could just see it not working out. So I went for the other girl.
SPEAKER_01Damn. And this other and this other girl can't even feel it was too crazy.
SPEAKER_00And this other girl that I I didn't know, it's not about settling. This other girl can't even feel bad if she hears this. Cause she still falls and all that shit. Cause she also did the same thing. She did the same thing. She did the same thing. Okay. She's talking to somebody. You know, she's talking to me, talking to people.
SPEAKER_01You know, you went with the safer option.
SPEAKER_00I think so, yeah.
SPEAKER_01You didn't you didn't settle, you in with the safer option.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and you know what? The the other girl, the other girl that I was talking to, she did it. You know, she obviously got with the prize. Now I should have done like yeah, I should have had her mentality and been like, oh go with Monica. Yeah. But you know, oh man. Oh, I messed up. Shout out Monica. I still remember. See, I don't remember Sabrina's last name. I remember Monica's last name. But I don't think I have her in the first time.
SPEAKER_01You could have been the second most famous Monica, bro.
SPEAKER_00And she was Polish. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Okay. That would okay. It was Monica. It was who was the who's the first one? Uh Tanvira.
SPEAKER_00Sabrina, Tanvi, Nas, Monica.
SPEAKER_01Okay, you're at four, bro.
SPEAKER_00And those are all that I have dated. Uh Megan. I'll be okay. Take the last name out. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01That's crazy. Bro, bro, popping up the whole Gov.
SPEAKER_00No, Megan.
SPEAKER_01Okay, you got a whole you got a whole hand.
SPEAKER_00Uh, there's this one girl. She was laying on my belly for a long time. I literally forgot her name. Oh, Tierra.
SPEAKER_01Tierra. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god, I fucked that one up. I fucked that one. She was literally laying on my belly, and we were talking about music and Steve Lacey and Shakespeare for three hours. With the door closed at a party. We weren't even drinking. We were just hanging out. I did nothing.
SPEAKER_01And you fumbled that? I fumbled.
SPEAKER_00That's why I did nothing.
SPEAKER_01I did nothing. Damn. I just call you Mark Sanchez. Actually, you do look like Mark Sanchez. You just look like a Daisy version of Mark Sanchez.
SPEAKER_00What the fuck is Mark Sanchez?
SPEAKER_01For my sports guys, butt fumble, you know.
SPEAKER_00Butt fumble? The fuck is that?
SPEAKER_01He's a dude known for fucking shit up, dog. You know, so here you are fucking shit up.
SPEAKER_00Nas actually worked with me at the store that I was at when Sabina, you know. I've known her before, but like she's the one who got me the job there, you know. She's a twin. Okay. And uh I got her high for the first time.
SPEAKER_01Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You said she was a twin.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Was she the batter twin? Yeah. Or was her twin batter?
SPEAKER_00No, she's the baddest.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Yeah. Oh.
SPEAKER_00I knew all the sisters. I knew the oldest sister. I knew the twins. And uh Okay. Yeah, I got her high for the first time on on weeds. And uh she gave me the she she gave me the it. She gave me the ick. Before the ink was a thing.
SPEAKER_01Before the ink was a thing.
SPEAKER_00We're all getting high, you know. We got amen. You know, I grew up in, you know, there's like a lot of white people around. Hey, let's do this bong, you know? And uh smoke, we're smoking this this bong, and uh she smokes it and she's like, oh my god, everything feels like a cartoon. I'm like, bitch, no, it doesn't.
SPEAKER_01That's wild, yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, you know, she's like, oh my god, she's like laughing uncontrollably, and like I'm like, what are we in a fucking after school special? Like, like and then it's so funny because she hit me up the next day, she's like, I love smoking weed with you. We we should do it more. But I just thought I was really cool back then, honestly. Like, I should have been like, yo, it's fine, you know. I should have had a little more leeway. I just thought I was way too cool for school, you know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I feel that. You know, one of the first times me and Mrs. Sacks got high, I don't know why or even how this even started, but she it and it reminded me because you brought up the whole she laid on your stomach for a while. Yeah, Mrs. Sacks drew on my stomach the entire time. Like I was like I was laying on my back and she was like on the floor next to me, because the other way sounds kind of crazy, but she was like on the floor next to me, and I was like smoking the joint, and I'd handed it to her, and she'd take it and she would just like draw like little doodles on my stomach the entire time.
SPEAKER_00No, no, no, god damn, this wasn't so fucking you said it like she like you gave her that joint and then she started doing shit. I'm like, yo, bro, that's not what it's for.
SPEAKER_01Nah, nah, okay. She would smoke and she would like draw little doodle characters on my stomach the entire time, bro.
SPEAKER_00Dude, what did she draw? Like what kind of doodles?
SPEAKER_01Like, like, uh, have you seen that one artist who does like crazy doodles on like giant sculptures, and it's just like little black blobs of just like random things with faces on them?
SPEAKER_00No, but okay, I have an image in my head.
SPEAKER_01That's that's literally what my stomach looked like the entire time.
SPEAKER_00Can I ask you a question?
SPEAKER_01What's up?
SPEAKER_00Can you say headache?
SPEAKER_01Headache.
SPEAKER_00Say stomach.
SPEAKER_01Stomach.
SPEAKER_00Why do you do that?
SPEAKER_01Why do I do head?
SPEAKER_00Is it me? I've brought this up so many times and no one understands what the hell I'm talking about. You say stomach.
SPEAKER_01Stomach?
SPEAKER_00Stomach. Like I said, you say stomach. Like you say stomach.
SPEAKER_01Headache, stomach. There you go. Stomach. Yeah, but you don't.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's what you're supposed to say. But you don't say it like that. You say stomach.
SPEAKER_01I think you're drunk. I'm the same word. I've thought this for years.
SPEAKER_00I've taught this for years, unless I was drunk for years. Bro. You were drunk for years. What are you doing? Okay. No. You've been drunk. No. Okay, but that's not the point. The point is that it is different. It's different. When you're saying stomach, like in just like a sentence without thinking about it, you say stomach.
SPEAKER_01Stomach.
SPEAKER_00Stomach. Stomach, right? You say stomach. Fuck. I don't. I don't. It's not a big deal. I just want to know. This is this is like, is this a Texas thing? Because this is. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Because look at it where you live and how you grew up and how you talk. It's not like everybody's not gonna say the same thing the same way. Every time you said stomach.
SPEAKER_00Stomach?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. What do you mean? You ever mean with the way that I'm already saying it?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because you're saying it differently. Every time you've said it for all these years that I've known you, every time you said stomach, every time you say stomach, I'd be like, what the fuck is he saying?
SPEAKER_01Stomach.
SPEAKER_00What are we gonna say? What are you gonna say? That feels like I'm saying, like, hey, for one thing, one call to act. We need to start having call to actions for our podcast. If you guys are watching on YouTube, comment below what do you if I'm right or he's if he's right. You know, there you go. Oh, by the way, guys, we have a Discord. Get in there. Yes, and we and we had we have an advice uh section too where you can stay anonymous and we will give you advice.
SPEAKER_01Be real. If you want real advice or if you want shit talker advice, because I'll give you shit talker advanced. Don't even do that.
SPEAKER_00No, yeah, no, we're gonna be us. You know, we're gonna be us. Us?
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00They gotta they just you could you know, pour your heart out, blah blah. We will never know. If you fill out the form in the Discord where it says advice, we will never know who the fuck you are. And I think we actually do give good advice, you know.
SPEAKER_01Well, I mean, it can be good.
SPEAKER_00I think it's good. I think all the advice we've given is good. Maybe it's funny sometimes because it might be a little harsh, but it's still good, you know. Have you been around people that are just fake and not really telling you what's up straight forward? Well, no worry, we're here. Mom, get off the Wi-Fi. Where we'll give it to you straight up.
SPEAKER_01W ad?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I'm just getting I'm just getting ready for the day we need to start reading ads, you know?
SPEAKER_01I'm just kidding. Blur the oblique.
SPEAKER_00Censor it!
SPEAKER_01Censor, we can't no I I have to check something because I'm kind of curious right now. Um, I want to see.
SPEAKER_00What?
SPEAKER_01You have are you gonna change your answer?
SPEAKER_00Spurs, spurs, spurs, spurs, spurs. I can't. I'm not allowed to. I don't think I'm allowed to.
SPEAKER_01That's wild. Ah shit. They lost, bro. They're 0 and 2.
SPEAKER_00So they're done? Did they lose or still tough?
SPEAKER_01It's it's bet it's best, it's best out of seven games. So whoever wins four games. Do they still have a chance? Yes. They they were playing at home the last two games. Now they're gonna go play on the road the next two games. So it's two, two, one, one, one, one, one.
SPEAKER_00Don't know anyone. Any of that means all I need to know, do they still have a chance to win it all?
SPEAKER_01They do still have a chance.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it could be hard, but like, do they still have a chance? If there's still a chance, I'm still going by them because that's what I said.
SPEAKER_01It could be hard. I mean, you're not wrong, bro. You're not wrong.
SPEAKER_00If they still have a chance, then they still have a chance. I think who's the alien on? Isn't that on the Spurs?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he's on the Spurs. He's like 6'8, bro.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, is it imagine?
SPEAKER_01To be fair, how many people do you know who are like over who are taller than you? Because you're you're pretty tall. You're six feet, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but everybody around me is pretty tall. I'm not six feet. I'm like 5'10, 5'11, if I'm not slouching.
SPEAKER_01We're the same height when we stood next to each other. We were shoulder to shoulder.
SPEAKER_00Oh, you're tall. You're tall, you're like six feet. I think I am six feet. I'm not like okay. You see, I'm not, I'm like six feet. I'm not six feet. You get what I'm saying? You get what I'm saying? My aura just might make me feel taller, make me look taller, but you know. I'm sorry I said that. I'm sorry you said that. I didn't I didn't even like it. While I was saying it, I didn't like it. I don't know if you broke off right now. I didn't like it when I said that. I was already saying it and I wanted to stop. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. While I was saying it, I was like, you shouldn't say this shit.
SPEAKER_01That was that was crazy.
SPEAKER_00I'm like, I'm like 5'11 on a good day if I don't like look at me. I'm not soughting now, but I'm always soughting. You get what I'm saying? Not slouching. This is how I'm supposed to like stand and do shit. That's like an inch.
SPEAKER_01Do it again? That's more than an inch.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I slouched, but dude, it's bad. It's bad. Someone took a picture of me side profile the other day.
unknownOh fuck, bro.
SPEAKER_00I wanted to kill myself. I was like, I was like, yo, and now it's been like I've been thinking about Gandal's like uh anti-slouch vests that make you like stand up straight. Like, bro, it's just fucking computer jobs, you know? It's like if I if I did something else, like okay, I work at a computer all day, you know, and then come home and I get in the computer. I'm a little like I'm just doing this shit all day here, too. And I'm just like yeah, I'm just slouch. I don't want to be a sloucher. I don't want to Franklin. The turtle or the or the guy who snowfall cobra which which one the turtle the turtle okay whatever, bro. You can't don't call me a turtle, man. I don't like that. I think I think that's offensive. I don't I don't really I really don't like that one. That I I'm putting on my boundaries right now. I don't like the turtle thing. I'm sorry, dog that I'm not even I don't like that turtle thing. There's a girl I used to work with, and she reminded me turtle. Are you done? Try it. I'm fighting with the brother. I don't even know what's so funny. I don't even I really don't know what's so funny. So I'm just a turtle Drew Barrymore. Shut the fuck up, bro. Shut the fuck up. I didn't say that. I didn't say that. You're attaching all those things together.
SPEAKER_01Hey, bro, a turtle Drew Barrymore had seven seven baddies after him back in the day. You know what I'm saying? So yeah, you're right.
SPEAKER_00No, no, no, not after me. It's all well, I fumbled all of them, so I don't know.
SPEAKER_01I mean, you they couldn't you couldn't fumble them if they weren't after you. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00My list Sabrina, Nas, Tanvi, Monica, just because she was so bad, you know, but I don't want to put her higher on the list because that's all she was. She was just really okay.
SPEAKER_01Keep her humble, keep her humble. Okay.
SPEAKER_00And Tierra is well no, Tierra first, Denmonica. Because Tierra got dude.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00I'll send you a picture. Bro. No, Tierra. Tierra, because we get along too, and she's bad as fuck. Uh, then Monica. I can't even think of the last one.
SPEAKER_01Damn. You were not important.
SPEAKER_00There is, I mean, yeah, honestly, that like that's I don't know. The other one I can't name. That's why I can't.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's right. That's right, that's right, that's right. Yeah, the other one is. The unnamable.
SPEAKER_00Okay, the unnamable. If I could tell you the unnameable, and if it was if you got like rewind in time, you know, and I could go back to that one part where I fucked up on, she'd be number one. But now, no, she's not, you know, time time changes things. But back then, uh that's that's the number one above anybody.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, how many of these like have moved on and have kids now? That you know?
SPEAKER_00Okay. What was the first one I said?
SPEAKER_01I don't know.
SPEAKER_00Sabrina's question was I don't know. I don't know. Okay. Nash.
SPEAKER_01She's disappeared off the face of the earthfall, you know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. I have no idea where she is or what she's doing. I have no type of connection with her at all. Like, I don't know what she's doing. Okay, okay. Nas? Did I say Nas?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Her? I think she's single. She's single.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00Kids? I don't think nothing. I think she's chilling.
SPEAKER_02No? Okay.
SPEAKER_00I think she's chilling. Okay. And then Tanvi, question mark. I have no idea what the hell she's doing. But she was cool as shit. I have no idea what the fuck she's doing.
SPEAKER_01So at this point, you don't know a goddamn thing. Okay, keep going.
SPEAKER_00Monica don't know a goddamn thing. Yeah. Monica also, I don't know a goddamn thing. Dude, I don't have Facebook. I don't go on Instagram. I don't do anything. So like I'm very detached from I know I seem like a guy that's on the internet a lot, but I'm really not. Like I'm on the things where I know every all of you guys on. Not on you then. Like it's like, you know how it's like a two different like thing? Like, I don't know. Like, if I don't have a Facebook, or if I don't have that, like I don't have anything that connects me to friends that I use. Uh okay, okay. Um, so Monica, a question mark. Uh Tierra, I think she broke up with her boyfriend not too long ago. But but I mean that as like less than a year, you know? And I've seen her do shit. I see I see her around. I don't see her around physically because I don't leave my house. But like if I did, I would.
SPEAKER_01Like she's she's easily fuckwitable if something if something were to go. She's around.
SPEAKER_00I'm sure I could hit her up and be like, let's do something.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Other than that, everybody else, if I if I feel like I told Nas, like, hey, let's do something, she'd be like, go fuck yourself, you bitch. Like, I feel like that's what she would say. Uh Sabrina, obviously, she'd be like, uh, crazy that you even remember me this time. And like, you know, after I can still like that. Yeah. Uh Monica, I feel like she'd be like, I'm better than you and I always was. Like, I feel like that's how she would respond. Yeah. You know.
SPEAKER_01What if they saw the hair though, bro? I feel like the air, the hair, the air, the hair gives you fucking mad points, you know?
SPEAKER_00I mean, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, because imagine the people that they dating. They're all they're all like fucked. Or who knows, they might have boats, bro. Everybody got boats now. That's a big thing over here.
SPEAKER_01They could be the hoe in the boats and hoes equation, bro.
SPEAKER_00That's a big thing over here. It's a bunch of old dudes having boats and then getting with the girls that are like my age. I'm like, man, I don't get a fucking boat. Like shit. You know, they go on the boat, they go to Lake Michigan, buy Navy Pier, and then sell the fireworks. Like, that's pretty impressive. Like, I can't really compete with that. Like, we go to Chipotle together. Like, you know what I mean? I don't know. I don't I don't know. I can't compete with a boat. Yeah, we go to Maxwell's or something. Like, I don't know where to fucking go.
SPEAKER_01Like, you know? What? It really sounds like there's one who's like an actual option here.
SPEAKER_00Tierra. T Tierra.
SPEAKER_01She's within distance. You know, y'all had that spark in, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, true. But see, this is my problem. This is okay. Can I can I be vulnerable with you right now? Honestly.
SPEAKER_01Be vulnerable with me.
SPEAKER_00Okay, this is my problem. So, like, you know the other episode where it was like my A, B, and C and all that shit, right? So it still stands. Like, as much as I'm like, oh yeah, I would like to be in a relationship. There's so many other things that I want to do that do take up a lot of my time where I would just fucking ignore her. Like, you know what I mean? Like, and not intentionally. I just have so much to do. I don't think anybody it's not that I would ignore her. I just feel like I haven't met somebody that's okay with me doing all this shit and knowing there's not really a lot of time to do other stuff. You know what I'm saying? Like I barely have free time, and it sounds stupid, but it's true.
SPEAKER_01You haven't found anybody who supports your dreams.
SPEAKER_00Oh, true, yeah, yeah. I've never, I've never to be honest, I've never had that.
SPEAKER_01Which is crazy.
SPEAKER_00I've never had that.
SPEAKER_01I I think that I think that's where law lies, bro. Is you you got PTSD from like bitches you've dated in the past.
SPEAKER_00But you saying that, I don't even know if it's PTSD. You saying that just makes me think that was never an option. Like now I'm just realizing it's an option. Oh, a girl that supports my dreams? What?
SPEAKER_01No, this is sex has been sitting there this whole time. Well, like, well, like she's she's getting one side of the conversation, obviously. You know what I mean? It's it's one of those things that like here we are, and on a daily basis, I because I don't turn my computer on unless it's like to actually sit down and talk with you anymore. Like, I don't fucking play games. So here it is. And like it's one of those things that like like she understands this is something I want to do, this is something I want to like invest my time in and do shit like that. So, like, and obviously now, like I said, this is the only time I turn my PC on. So, like, I a lot of the time the other 95% of the time, it's like spending time with her or the kids, and it's really just like us just being homebodies chilling, doing nothing, you know what I mean? So I that's where like a lot of people who are like, I don't think I can be in a relationship right now because it like that'll take my time away from X, Y, and Z. You're using that as an excuse because if you find somebody who actually fucks with you, they'll be able to be they'll be able to sit in the corner. That sounds crazy, and just be like, No, no, I feel like you let me do my thing, you know what I mean? So see, bro, what if what if that person?
SPEAKER_00But see, I'm gonna be so honest with you. I've never until right now, if you bring that up, never thought that was ever an option. I never wisdom. No, I'm I never said he didn't dude, wisdom, he got wisdom. But I'm telling you, I never thought in my head that was an option. So in my head, it's like if I can't do just us two stuff for the majority of the time, then I can't I can't be in it because I'm gonna feel like I'm neglecting, I'm neglecting her. You get what I'm saying? So it's like, yeah, I feel like that's how it's gonna feel. Maybe if it wasn't like that in the beginning and then I got into shit, sure. But if that's how I am right off the bat, whoa, why is my mic trying to go in my mouth? That's crazy. Yeah, I understand it's June, bro. I'm an Lion, but like, yo, no, no, no, we get a little too excited right now, microphone. Okay, that's like crazy. No, but what was I saying? Yeah, I just never thought that it'd be a thing, and you know, honestly, it's really not so at least from the girls that I've talked to so far. I'm not saying it's not completely, it just hasn't. Whoever I'm talking to gotta be just a bunch of sluts or something. Because, like, I don't know, like I don't because they they're not going for that. They're not going for that. So I don't I don't know what it is. I just haven't, and yeah, I don't know. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01You know what's funny? Because we'll we'll be talking about some shit, and then I'll send you some like crazy shit about me and Mrs. Sacks, right? And then you'll just like react to it like with like a little crying face, and I know deep down inside that's like I wish I had that.
SPEAKER_00No, no, you know, it's it's not no, it's not, and and all honesty, it's not, it's not, it's not I wish I had that. It's like, oh, I'm happy for you, but it's like can't relate, don't know what to do. Like, you know what I mean? It's not but it's not like I'm hurting or anything. You can't really hurt if you didn't have it, right?
SPEAKER_01So I don't know, no, I'm big, but it's we didn't have it.
SPEAKER_00No, no, but it is kind of honest, and it's just like if I don't have that, I don't know what it's like. But like, you having fun that's cool, you know what I mean? So there's nothing like, oh, I wish I had, I don't even know what the fuck that is. You know, it's like somebody posts a fucking, like, I post a fish fillet and I was good. You never had a fish fillet. You don't know how but you don't know what you're missing. You know what I mean? It's kind of like that. Yeah, but at the same time, you see how you feel about the fish fillet? That's how I feel about y'all. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01I have to be shot to know I don't fuck with it. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00No, that's a whole difference. That that's a that's a whole difference. Uh you're being an extremist right now, okay? I don't I don't know what you're talking about. You're being an extremist.
SPEAKER_01I don't have Shoot up heroin to know I don't fuck with it.
SPEAKER_00You might like that shit. I'm just saying. You might like that shit a lot. Maybe a little too much. I don't know. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Hell no. I'm not fucking with that shit. Okay. So here we are. We understand what you what you want who you'd want it with possibly. And who's and who's within arm's reach to make it happen.
SPEAKER_00But to be honest, I want I want somebody new. I don't want to go in the past of what I fumbled.
SPEAKER_01Damn.
SPEAKER_00Now what I would like. We already talked about this, but I'm gonna act like we didn't. What I would like is maybe go on a first date on the podcast with somebody. And you and your wife, the expertise on this whole shit, uh kind of just audit us while we're while we're on this date. This little talk date.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00If I'm fucking up to give me tips, she can talk to her, you guys can both talk to us. Okay, a date on the podcast. Has that been done? I feel like we could try it.
SPEAKER_01Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, from all my friends, I think I look up to your guys' relationship. Like you guys are you guys are good. You know? I could say like I have a lot of friends that are married, but they're not doing the shit I'm doing. Fast Xac's doing the shit that I'm doing while married and with kids. A lot of people get married with kids and they die inside. I'm not gonna lie to you. No, I don't just be real. Like, they don't do the shit that they used to do, or they're never they're never trying for something to just go to work, come back home, blah blah blah, maybe have a barbecue to get drunk, and that's but they're not doing any of the shit that I've seen them do before, like hustle, try to do some cool shit or fun shit, create shit. They're never doing that. He's married, he's got kids, they have a great life, and like you know what I mean. He's still doing what I'm doing. I'm doing a podcast with him, like you know what I mean.
SPEAKER_01Hell yeah. So if anything crop my face on a trophy while he's talking all this right now, no, but no, but that that's ideal.
SPEAKER_00That's ideal, you know. Just being able to do what you want to do while being in a relationship without having a fight after. You know what I mean? Oh yeah, bro.
SPEAKER_01Without having a fight after, and you know, I without like doing what you want to do without having to feel guilty, bro. I've always been through this all the time, dog.
SPEAKER_00I was trying to do music before, and then my ex got so mad that I wasn't watching One Tree Hill with her while laying in bed and scrolling through Vine.
SPEAKER_01Like, and it was so like if you hear that outside, there that just makes her sound crazy.
SPEAKER_00And the thing is, does the studio was in our house because we were in Tennessee and I moved in with the engineer and the producer and all that. So he was in our roommate. So I wasn't far away, I was really in the same house. She got mad at me for that, and I paid every single bill known to man. She didn't pay a dime and still had a job. Like, damn, and I still got hate for that for just sometimes of my free time doing that, not all the time, you know, just sometimes. Like, you know, and it's like, oh, this you know, the greatest thing was, you know, but when we were done, that's when you know we got the movie, and that's when we got this, and I got some money. As soon as I left her, I was like, Yeah, you don't get this shit, you can keep the Lord tickets. I don't want to see Lorde. Alright, Lorde is cool, but I don't want to see her. You can keep the tickets. Like, you know, all the shit that she made fun of me before, it worked. Like, it's kind of nice, but but then it's like, oh, that's how it's always gonna be. So, like, in my head, it's like, I guess that's the last longest relationship I've been in. Other than that, it's been like, you know, little shit here and there, but that's the longest relationship. That the last relationship that was the longest. Because you know, you know what I would like to do? Eventually have like other type of content on the YouTube for mom get off the wifi for things that we do. Like it wouldn't be just podcasts, it'd be like another segment of just other stuff that we do on here.
SPEAKER_01Hell yeah. That'd be good. It'll be all of our all of our all of our skits.
SPEAKER_00Skits.
SPEAKER_01Are we gonna do this? Are we gonna do the skit we talked about?
unknownWhat do we talk about?
SPEAKER_01What do you what? I don't know what I want.
SPEAKER_00I feel like it's a Sabrina situation all over again. Wait, what are you talking about?
SPEAKER_01The notebook scene where he's like where he's like asking her like what she wants, and she's like she's so confused.
SPEAKER_00That that I think we should wait, are you talking about like the movie scenes? I feel like we should keep that in the pod. Yeah, we should keep that in the pod.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00I'm talking about a little vlog stuff, or if you wanted to play like I don't know, it takes two or something together, like you know, like a let's play or like something like that, like some other shit that's not a pod based.
SPEAKER_01Okay, I'll feel you, I'll feel you, I'll feel you. I'm down.
SPEAKER_00Hell yeah, you can take us out.
SPEAKER_01You can take us out. I don't pull out a shit. I'm just kidding. Welcome to episode. Wait, no, thank you for listening to episode.
SPEAKER_00The link of the Discord is in the bio. Check it out. Join up, put it, put the put your advice if you need advice, put all that in there. Uh, that'd be very cool. And you can talk to us and you know, yeah. See you there.