Cut The Tie | Success on Your Terms
1st - Define your success on your terms.
2nd - "Cut The Tie" to whatever is keeping you from that success
Cut The Tie is not just a podcast; it's a movement. Hosted by Thomas Helfrich, this highly impactful show features short-form interviews with remarkable individuals who share how they redefined success by boldly cutting ties with fear, doubt, bad habits, toxic environments, and limiting beliefs. You'll hear exactly what they cut, how they did it, what it felt like, and how their lives — and the lives of those around them — changed forever.
Each episode is inspirational, motivational, and — most importantly — actionable. You'll gain real strategies and mindset shifts you can immediately apply to your own life and career.
Plus, every day, Thomas drops solo short-form episodes designed to fire you up, challenge your thinking, and remind you that the only thing standing between you and your potential... is the tie you need to cut.
Join our free community at facebook.com/groups/cutthetie to connect with others on the same journey, and subscribe to our growing YouTube channel with over 1 million subscribers at youtube.com/@cutthetie.
Own your success.
Cut the tie.
Change your life.
Cut The Tie | Success on Your Terms
“Stop Waiting to Be Ready”—Melissa Aarskaug’s Message for the Next Generation of Leaders
Cut The Tie Podcast with Thomas Helfrich
Episode 269
Melissa Aarskaug built a successful career in cybersecurity and leadership, but for years she played it safe—showing only the “W-2 version” of herself. In this episode of Cut The Tie, host Thomas Helfrich sits down with the Executive Connect podcast founder to talk about letting go of fear, showing up authentically, and learning to lead from a place of intention, not just ambition.
Melissa shares the moment she decided to stop playing small, the real-life impact of being vulnerable online, and why showing up fully—as a parent, a leader, and a human—is the most courageous thing you can do.
About Melissa Aarskaug:
Melissa started her career in civil and environmental engineering, building bridges and treatment facilities before pivoting into compliance and cybersecurity. Now a senior leader in the security sector and the founder of Executive Connect, she helps protect regulated industries from cyber threats while using her platform to help others cut through fear, imposter syndrome, and perfectionism. Through speaking, writing, and podcasting, Melissa inspires leaders to be more courageous, more intentional, and more human.
In this episode, Thomas and Melissa discuss:
- What it means to stop playing small
Melissa shares how she hid behind her job title for years—until she decided to show up fully and authentically in every space. - The power of public vulnerability
A single LinkedIn post inspired someone to apply for a job they didn’t think they could get—and they got it. That’s impact. - Why leadership isn’t about the title
Being a leader is about listening, showing up, and creating ripple effects—not about your org chart status. - The trap of people-pleasing
Melissa unpacks the dangers of overvaluing others’ opinions and how to stay focused on your own mission. - What’s next for her journey
From a long-paused book to more keynote stages, Melissa’s just getting started.
Key Takeaways:
- You’re allowed to be more than one version of yourself.
Don’t hide the messy or the meaningful parts of who you are. - Imposter syndrome fades when you take action.
You don’t need permission to lead—you just need to begin. - Leadership is intentional, not positional.
It’s how you show up, not what’s on your business card. - Care less about being liked—care more about being impactful.
Focus on authenticity over approval. - Challenge yourself earlier, not later.
Don’t wait for “the right time” to start what matters to you.
Connect with Melissa Aarskaug:
🎙️ Executive Connect Podcast
📧 Reach out via LinkedIn for podcast invites, speaking inquiries, or media kit requests
Connect with Thomas Helfrich:
🐦 Twitter: @thelfrich
📘 Facebook: Cut The Tie Group
💼 LinkedIn: Thomas Helfrich
🌐 Website: cutthetie.com
📧 Email: t@instantlyrelevant.com
🚀 instantlyrelevant.com
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Welcome to Cut the Tie podcast. Hello, I'm your host once again, Thomas Helfrich, and I'm on a mission to help you cut a tie to whatever it is holding you back from your life, from success, from entrepreneurship. And today I'm joined by Melissa Aarskaug. I get it.
Speaker 2:You got it.
Speaker 1:It's the first. You're the first Aarskaug I've ever. I feel like it's something from Vikings, like, like, like. Like you're going to throw an ax at me if I said it wrong.
Speaker 2:Maybe you never know.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, digital ax, here it comes. Take a moment to introduce yourself, Melissa, and what it is you do.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here. My name is Melissa Arskog. I started my career in civil engineering and now I spend the majority of my time in security, protecting regulated industries from cyber breach. I'm also the founder of the Executive Connect podcast, where we sit down with trailblazer leaders across many different industries and we talk the real, messy, raw talk about what it takes to be successful from leadership to innovation, to resilience, to negotiating your salaries and really help everyone build a future they're most proud of.
Speaker 1:I love it. What makes you unique, though? Why do people pick you?
Speaker 2:That's a great question. I think we're so many different topics. A lot of times I'm finding everybody keeps saying you have to be one thing and focus on one thing. I think in life, our life we're going to have a lot of different needs. So the podcast talks a little bit about imposter syndrome and at some point in our life we're going to do something that we're not 100% confident in. We're going to start a new job and we're going to have to talk about salary negotiations. Maybe we have a fear that we want to overcome. So all the podcast is all different types and all different things we might explore in our life.
Speaker 1:You got a really unique background in your life. Could you just take a few moments talk about your journey and what the tie was that you ended up having to cut and what the tie was that you ended up having to cut.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely so much of my earlier days. I feel like I was fighting that upstream on what I should do or what I thought I should be doing, and kind of the last half, the back half, I really just kind of rode the wave downstream. So I started my career in banking. I've worked in the mortgage industry. I have a dual engineering degree in civil and environmental engineering. I was building bridges and water treatment facilities before, and then I accidentally applied for a job in compliance. I took the role. I've been there 13 years and I've had many different titles, many different focuses at the company.
Speaker 2:But I think the one thing I've had to cut the tie that I've had to cut was playing it small for so long.
Speaker 2:I really just showed up doing what I had to do and I really didn't focus on what I could be and what I could do. But the truth is we all can do so much more than we think we can. So I inspired myself to make those changes. Instead of sitting on the sideline watching others, I really started to lean in and speak out and speak on things that I was passionate about whether it was something like you know, I found interestingly enough, I found some of my clients didn't even know I had children, which made me believe that I wasn't being my authentic self. I was showing them that one side of Melissa, just the W-2 side of Melissa, and not sharing kind of a messy other side of Melissa. I cut that tie and I made a big shift and that gave birth to the Executive Connect podcast, to me being more authentic on LinkedIn and being more confident in all facets of my life, not just my corporate career.
Speaker 1:In that journey, do you remember the moment and if you could describe it, when you knew you were going to. That's it. I'm cutting this tie off.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I kind of started dabbling slowly in it slowly, and I knew that what I was doing was making a difference in people's lives. I had a week ago I posted a post on confidence and a woman walked up to me and said I would have never applied for that job had I not read your post. When I saw that post, it gave me the courage I needed to apply for the job. By the way, she wasn't qualified for the job and she actually got it. So I knew what I was doing was helping others and it was something that was authentic and not transactional. It's something that I was just giving, and giving to help other people giving and giving to help other people.
Speaker 1:That's amazing. Like you know, I love to hear those stories. And side note, just not everybody who's qualified should get the job and I hate to say that, like, the person who could probably perform in the job best is not always aligned to who qualifies based on the requirements. So I think that's whoever hired them good for them taking a risk because they bet on the person. It sounds like more than the history and I love that. I love to hear that You're in this journey of cutting ties and you're trying to get better. You have the moments. What was the impact to you? Others, relationships from making the change?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think a lot of you know life shows up right. I think a lot of times we just are running on play all day, every day, running the race of our life, that we don't step back and look at the things that are happening. I don't want to say to us but for us, so for me, I had different things that had happened. So a moment that happened is after I helped a major client of ours recover from a cybersecurity incident. I was totally exhausted and proud of being able to help them, but I remember talking to them about my family and I realized that those stories behind those moments are so important to share your authentic self that maybe others didn't know. And I wanted to create a space through the Executive Connect podcast where people could share that with all the listeners that were part of it. And so I just started hitting record, shared what I knew, shared what they knew, and invited other executives I knew and that were friends of mine to share about their wins and how they achieved what they achieved.
Speaker 1:What's the biggest lesson you'd give the listeners?
Speaker 2:I think, to be a better listener and more an intentional leader. I think you know leadership isn't just title, it's not by title, it's not by managing employees. It's taking that step to do a thing and it creates a ripple effect, whether it's building new partnerships or opening doors for underrepresented voices or inspiring people to make a change in their life. I think how you show up to your clients and to your life as not just transactionally or a vendor, but really as a trusted advisor to not only just your clients but your friends, your spouse, your peers, and really having a mutually beneficial relationship.
Speaker 1:I love it. The rapid fire section right. I always like to hear these who gives you inspiration?
Speaker 2:Oh, that's such a good question. I think so many pieces. I think it starts with my immediate family, and my parents have been such an inspiring part of my life my children, my husband and then my guests on my podcast. They're so knowledgeable, they have such great experience. They've opened my eyes to so many things that I would have not known about or been interested in learning about.
Speaker 1:I find, listen, I think what keeps driving me, that drives my passion, are my guests. Are my guests the kids and some things I want to do in the bigger world. But I get so much inspiration hearing just what you know. I don't feel alone, I guess. When I do interviews I feel like I'm connected to a lot of other entrepreneurs who are loosely connected through this thing called entrepreneurship. So I love that. I totally identify with that. What's kind of the best business advice you've ever received?
Speaker 2:This is a new one. I was just writing on this before I jumped on this. It's not worrying so much about what other people think of you all the time. I think we all want to be liked and accepted and supported that oftentimes we spend so much time and energy trying to get others to like us and support us and believe in us that we forget the us and what our mission is, and so really just focus on who you are authentically, and the right people will show up.
Speaker 1:I think you're spot on with that, because this takes away things like procrastination, and perfectionism is usually rooted in a fear of someone else's opinion, in less so of your own interpretation of it. So I agree with that. That's a hard one to get through and care less or care about your own mission and maybe the customers you serve. There are some spouses and kids like some of their opinions of you do matter, and it is sometimes a mere reflection that you won't see, but they are the only ones that will share.
Speaker 2:That's a really great point. So just kind of pulling back the layer of that. Now, there's people that you don't care, or do care whether what they think about, but the people that you love and respect, like your husband and your children and your family their opinions absolutely, absolutely matter, and hearing what they have to say and maybe they misunderstood something you said and so really sending the time to pull back the layers on the ones we love is super important. The ones that are creating drama in our life are whiners, moaners and complainers. We might not care so much about what they think.
Speaker 1:Agreed, and the people who actually don't have influence in life shouldn't influence you would be a good way to say that. I think, and I just made that up. So if it gets quoted anywhere, I want it. I want that quote.
Speaker 2:I love it.
Speaker 1:What's the must-read book?
Speaker 2:I love the Jim Rohn Seasons of Life. I think so many of us believe that we're always going to be on the upswing in our life. Things are going to progressively always get better. I think learning how to flow through the seasons or through the changes in the presidents or the weather or what's going on in our world, just to learn how to navigate life and all the things that are around us that we cannot control.
Speaker 1:Oh man, that's so true, and I had not read that book, and it's one of many on my list.
Speaker 2:It's short.
Speaker 1:Well, that actually will move it up the list if I can listen to it quickly. But there, uh, I'm on the, uh, I'm on the adult ADHD and how it impacts marriage and relationships. Like, that's my. My big tie to cut this year is how to manage ADHD, because I see it as such a superpower that has such a big kryptonite on the back end of it that limits you that you don't realize. So, anyway, that's my, anyway. That probably won't make the cut for you either. All right, this has been fun so far, so far. Okay, there's more questions coming.
Speaker 2:I love it.
Speaker 1:If you could go back to any part in your timeline in life, when would you do that and what would you change?
Speaker 2:Oh, that's so good. I think I would challenge myself more younger. I always used to say when I get to be this age, I'll do this. When I get to be that age, I'll do that. I started talking about writing a book in my. I actually started writing the book in my early twenties and I'm like nobody's going to read a book from somebody in their 20s. What do I know about the world? And here I am in my 40s and I'm picking up kind of what I started 20 years ago writing and just tweaking it a little bit. But a lot of it is very much the same back then. And so I would say, just show up and be you and you know, put yourself out there and you'll never know what star you'll grab.
Speaker 1:I love that. If there was one question I should have asked you today, and I didn't. What would that question have been and how do you answer it?
Speaker 2:Maybe something along what's next? I know a lot of my life has been by chance or by opportunity, or someone has come into my life and sparked something within me to write an article or post something on LinkedIn. I think what's next and one of the things I have been very lucky to do is I've been able to speak on many different stages across many different industries, on imposter syndrome and being fearless and cybersecurity. I think showing up for me on stages that I want to be on more and picking those different stages and helping businesses support their leaders internally and give them the courage to do the things they need to do. I think I'm looking at my goals and asking myself what's next and, as an ambitious person, I have so many goals. I need to temper them down what's on the front half and what's on the back half? So what's next is the book and then more speaking speaking to more people on bigger stages.
Speaker 1:I love that man. You got some good stuff. You're an inspiration.
Speaker 2:I try. I think inspiration I think that's the one I love, that you said that I think that's something that I show up and wake up every morning and that's exactly what I pray first thing in the morning is to be an inspiration and a positive influence on just one person's life. Today, I do that every time I start my day I actually did it before we started this podcast today is hoping that the work, the good work we do here today touches and helps just one person to take one action in their life.
Speaker 1:I love that. That's great. Thank you. Shameless plug time for you. Who should get ahold of you and how they do that.
Speaker 2:Absolutely I'm best on LinkedIn. I think we're all overwhelmed with the mass amounts of emails we get each and every day, so I'm best on LinkedIn. Melissa Arskog, contact me if you need an ear or a friend, or you're interested in being on the Executive Connect podcast, or maybe you want to talk to your staff about being fearless or mentorship, or I am happy to send you my media kit and things I've talked about that may be helpful and that could be found on LinkedIn.
Speaker 1:I love it. I love all this. This is probably my loveliest love done. I keep saying I love it because I do. I even like it. I all this. This is probably my loveliest love done. I keep saying I love it because I do. I even like it. I really do. This is really good. Thank you, by the way, for coming on today. I appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you for having me. Now what I have to ask you. I'm going to flip the scripts on you.
Speaker 1:You have to do that at some point during the show. Right I show, right I have to. I've got to flip the script now. What is one piece of advice you would give yourself, your younger self? Oh, where do I begin? I would I right now, because my mind's on it. I would have started tackling this adhd thing a lot sooner because I see the power of it. Like I mean, like the ability to process information and ideas, but it's running a marathon 25 miles of it. Like I mean, like the ability to process information and ideas, but it's running a marathon 25 miles of it, and you can't finish the marathon ever, and that's last miles is crushing when you see how many marathons you could have ran if you could just finish the last fucking mile and somebody that also identifies in that capacity.
Speaker 2:One thing I've learned for myself is to get systems in place and outsource the things you are not good at or hate doing, because when it just, it becomes a nonstop procrastination, last minute things, and so when you can outsource it, you can create so many more amazing things outsource it, you can create so many more amazing things.
Speaker 1:I can't agree any more than that. It is, you know. Let me say goodbye. We'll come back to that. I got a minute here, okay, yeah, thank you. Thank you, melissa, so much for coming on today. I really appreciate you taking the time to just join me on the show.
Speaker 2:Thank you for allowing me to be here. It's been a pleasure to talk to your audience and get to know you a little more.
Speaker 1:Love it. See, I love it again. Hey, listen, everyone, listen to the show. At this point you rock. This is your first time here. I hope it's the first of many and get out there. Go cut a tie to something holding you back. Go unleash the best version of yourself, the entrepreneur within you. And I have one call to action Just follow the show on Apple Spotify. Maybe, if you're a YouTuber, hit, subscribe. That'd be great too. And if you're really cheeky, do five-star review. And if it isn't a five-star review, find me on LinkedIn and tell me why not, and I'll I'll take your considerations into into into perspective. Thanks for listening. Have a great day.
