Fill To Capacity (Where Heart, Grit and Irreverent Humor Collide)
Podcast for people too stubborn to quit and too creative not to make a difference!Join visual artist Pat Benincasa in conversation with a riveting roster of guests to uncover extraordinary stories of everyday people. Listen as they share their quirky wisdom, unlikely adventures, and poignant life lessons! Fasten your emotional seatbelt for this journey of heart, humor and grit!
Fill To Capacity (Where Heart, Grit and Irreverent Humor Collide)
When Story Becomes Your Way Home
What happens when curiosity turns into responsibility—and saving stories becomes the work?
In this moving episode, Stephanie Detton, a 4th-grade teacher in Colorado and co-host of Italian American Stories Podcast reflects on growing up Italian American in the West. But this conversation cracks opens something much larger: how family history lives in newspapers, memory, silence—and what’s at stake when no one pays attention.
Stephanie talks about losing her grandfather, discovering genealogy, and realizing that forgotten lives don’t resurface on their own. Together with her mother Sandy, she finds Italian American stories that demand to be told—tender, difficult, and often overlooked. Crime, courage, scandal, migration, survival. Nothing sanitized. Nothing erased.
This episode is about storytelling, and responsibility- about history not as a textbook, but as real people living real lives. And about the power of recording what came before us- before it disappears.
If you’ve ever wondered where you come from—or what might be lost if no one asks—this conversation is for you.
Today's episode is brought to you by the Joan of Arc Scroll Medal, a beautiful brass alloy medal, designed by award-winning artist, Pat Benincasa. This uniquely shaped medal is ideal for holiday or as a special occasion gift! Visit www.patbenincasa-art.com
This brass alloy medal can be worn on a necklace, a keychain, dogtags, on a bag, or in your car.
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Please Note: The views expressed by our guests do not necessarily reflect the views of the podcaster.
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Pat:
Fill To Capacity where heart grit and irreverent humor collide. A podcast for people too stubborn to quit and too creative not to make a difference.
Pat:
Hi, I'm Pat Benincasa and this is Fill To Capacity. This episode kicks off year five of Fill To Capacity, which honestly stops me in my tracks. Thank you to the listeners who keep showing up and to the guests who trust me with their stories. You are the reason this works. This show has always been about paying attention to the people out there doing good work, asking better questions, and quietly making life more humane. No headlines, no hype, just people showing up and doing the work. And my next guest fits squarely into that company. Okay, let's go. Episode # 126, " When Story Becomes Your Way Home." My guest today is Stephanie Denton. Stephanie is a fourth grade teacher in Colorado who loves history and pays close attention to the world around her by day. She teaches kids how to read question and make sense of the world outside the classroom. She is a tireless, meticulous researcher, always alert to a story hiding in plain sight. She was drawn to genealogy early on and to the small details that show how people actually lived. What started as curiosity? Digging through old newspapers and family records turned into a calling, making sure those lives didn't disappear. She didn't just collect stories. She got a microphone and created a place for them to be heard.
Pat:
Italian-American Stories Podcast is a mother daughter exploration of the lives, headlines and overlooked histories of Italian Americans. Now, what makes this so remarkable? Listeners, it's hosted by Stephanie and her mom, Sandy. The show digs through old newspapers, family archives, court records and memory, and tells those stories with care, honesty, even when they're difficult. Now, I know this firsthand 'cause I had the honor of being a guest on their show. So there range of topics. One week you are inside a quiet act of courage or creativity. The next you're unraveling a scandal, a crime migration, or a hard earned legacy. What holds it all together is respect for ordinary people who really lived or extraordinary lives, and a refusal to let those stories disappear. I'm telling you, this is history with a backbone heart and strong sense of home. But here's the larger truth. While this podcast centers on Italian American history, it's really about the sacred work of recording lives before they vanish from the record. The people choices, labor, courage, and contradictions that shaped families also shaped this country. Every listener comes from somewhere. Think of this conversation as a quiet nudge, maybe to notice record and honor your own family stories. Because American history isn't abstract, it's not distant, it's personal, and it's built one family at a time. So welcome, Stephanie. So nice to have you here.
Stephanie:
Thank you. It's so nice to be here and that introduction. Oh, it was so beautiful. Thank you. I think I might take some of that language and using my own podcast.
Pat:
Oh, please do. I would be honored. Let's roll up our sleeves here. You grew up Italian American in Colorado. Now most of us think East Coast when you think you know Philadelphia, New York. Okay, but you grew up in Colorado. Was there a visible Italian American community and did that identity live mostly at home or was it more a neighborhood thing?
Stephanie:
So it's interesting. So grew up in Colorado. I grew up, and I still live here, <laugh> in a town very west in Colorado, Grand Junction, Colorado, where the majority of Italians, of course, they migrated to Denver or Pueblo, which is more east south. Pueblo's a little bit south. So for me, growing up in Grand Junction, Italian community there is it's pretty much non-existent. I mean, there's still some Italians, but my mother, she grew up in Denver and that is where the majority of it is. So for me, you know, I always knew I was Italian, but the community I lived in didn't feel Italian. But we would go to Denver to visit family. Denver is the Italian part for me. However, I will say now that I'm doing this podcast and researching Grand Junction has quite the history with Italian Americans. There was quite a few that actually came here, but they were chased out early by the KKK, so, and they went to Denver.
Pat:
Well, yeah. And again, I think that highlights what Italian Americans went through in this country early on.
Stephanie:
Exactly. Yeah. So yeah, Colorado, it's, and even in Denver, you know, there's still an Italian community. They're a strong one. It's obviously has changed like most Italian communities do in every state and city. I love Grand Junction, it's beautiful. There's so much hiking and stuff. But as far as Italian, I have always connected it to Denver because that's where all my Italian family lived so well.
Pat:
Sure.Now, when did being Italian-American shift from something you were born into to something that you consciously claimed?
Stephanie:
My Papa when he passed away. So that's, that's what I call my grandfather is my Papa. You know, I always knew I was Italian. We had different traditions than other people. We ate different meals than everybody else did on the holidays.I mean, to an extent, we did lasagna on Christmas Eve instead of Thanksgiving. You know, we all have our own little traditions, but, so I always knew I was Italian, but when he passed away, it's like, and it's unfortunate because he was gone. It's like that light bulb went off in my head. And I think it was because he was gone. I knew even at 11 years old, something was lost forever in our family because he was kind of that glue to my generation. I was born in the eighties to the generation. He was born in the twenties. So he was that glue that connected me to who came over from Italy. It's hard because that, and I would say that that's when it clicked for me. When he passed and I went through this phase where I wanted to recreate, like within the months after he passed, I wanted to recreate his sauce. And so I would try to cook his sauce and I would go through his materials, like his books and papers and stuff. And then it was like, I don't wanna lose this Italian American identity and I need to find more
Pat:
Yeah. So you're talking about when being an Italian American, that identity became personal.
Stephanie:
Yeah.
Pat:
That was the bridge for you. You called him Papa?
Stephanie:
Uhhuh. Papa.
Pat:
Okay. My grandpa was Papaco. So I get it. Alright.
Pat:
Now you are a fourth grade teacher and you clearly love the work. Did you always know you were gonna be a teacher? I mean, did you know that?
Stephanie:
I did not. No. But it's worked out great. I have a, a double major. My bachelor's is a double major in English literature and writing. Again, it kind of goes with what I'm doing now. That history, that research, the writing, it's really hard to be a writer in this world.
Pat:
Yes, it is.
Stephanie:
It was a natural kind of way for me to go into teaching. So, yeah.
Pat:
So you, you talked about your grandfather, but I still wanna ask this. Who were the adults family or otherwise? Who shaped how you see the world when you were growing up?
Stephanie:
This kinda makes me sad because I'm a teacher, but I don't have, I don't remember my teachers.
Stephanie:
So for me it's family. Honestly is what has shaped me. My mom, we have such a strong relationship and we've always had a strong relationship, even when I was young, you know, so she's taught me the value of the, of a family relationship. But she also taught me independence, which has really shaped who I am and how I barricade through this thing called life. And my Papa as well. I was young when he passed, but I have a lot, I remember a lot about him. Um, his humor, his love, his just wanting us to be together. I would have to say those are the two that really shaped me.
Pat:
Did your Papa speak English fluently or was he born in this country?
Stephanie:
He was born in this country, yeah. Okay.
Pat:
So you're what, third generation?
Stephanie:
Yeah, his father was born in Italy and so yeah, I would be third.
Pat:
The fact that he spoke English really is special. Now, my family, my parents born in Italy, the grandmothers refused to speak English. I mean, they refused! And so even though my grandma Rafaela taught me the language of the heart, I wish I spoke fluent Italian or I could have communicated more. So you really did have a precious gift being able to communicate with him.
Stephanie:
Yeah, definitely. They came over and they wanted to assimilate. And so much of us, so many of us wish that, you know, they still spoke Italian and he did speak a little bit of Italian, but, but you're right, you have a great point. It allowed me to communicate with him, to know him on a more personal level. Yes.
Pat:
Oh, what a gift.!
Stephanie:
Yeah, absolutely.
Pat:
You know, once your Papa passed and you're having this awareness now of this identity, and you've said a lot in your podcast and, what I've seen is that you were drawn to genealogy very early in life. What do you think your younger self was really searching for?
Stephanie:
I think what I was searching for was, I dunno if it was searching for or trying to preserve stories, history, birth dates, because I think once I lost my Papa, I didn't wanna lose anymore. So I don't know if it was out of a sense of urgency and, you know, going through his, he would save newspaper articles and stuff and reading that and it was like, oh, I wanna know who this person is. Like what was his connection to this person? Why did he save this article? And I just, I think it was a sense of urgency of I don't wanna lose any more than what I've lost and how can I continue to just keep looking and looking and preserving. And so I think genealogy starts with archives, right? Yep. And those archives were his world. It was in a box after he passed away, and that's where I started. And then it drove me to more and more. And thankfully we live in this age of technology for the good or the bad of it, but I'm able to then get online and newspaper databases are, are everything.
Pat:
In a sense, in a metaphorical sense, he handed you the keys to the family and basically said, watch over them. Document, don't forget.
Stephanie:
Absolutely. Yes. And you know, even going through his pictures, there were people who, unfortunately I still don't know who they are. Yeah. I kind of have a guess based off dates and stuff, but even looking through the pictures, like, I wanna know who these people are and I wanna pass it on to future generations. Like these, this is who this, this is, we can't lose any more.
Pat:
And you're touching on this, there's a moment with every creator when a hobby or an interest turns into a full blown calling, it's a vocation. As you're digging through those old newspaper stories, you realize they, they weren't just interesting, but they were urgent.
Stephanie:
Yeah, absolutely.
Pat:
And at that point, were you aware that you realized, hey, this is not just past the chocolate bon bons here, this is a total involvement. Did that happen? Like you realized the gravity of what you were doing?
Stephanie:
It did, you know, just through searching for my own family, I, I've done it for so many years, but you kind of hit a point with ancestry and Family Search. You kinda hit that wall where it's like, I've seen everything here. I don't know what else to search for. So then I switched over to the newspaper databases. And again, in this day and age, so many of them are digitized. And so, you know, I look through genealogy banks, newspapers.com, Colorado has a great free resource. And so I switched from ancestry genealogy to looking for my family online, through the newspaper databases and found a ton of information. But I would read across other articles of Italian Americans that I was not related to, but the headline would catch my attention. For example, Angelina Garramone, she's the, if I had to say anything, she's the inspiration for my whole podcast.
Stephanie:
I read across one of her articles and it was, the headline said something like, Italian Witch Is Convicted of Murder. Don't quote me on it. It was just some wild headline. And I was like, I'm gonna print that article and keep it because that's really cool. Not related to her, never knew her family. I continued to do that. I'd run across articles and I'm like, wow, what a cool Italian American. They did something great, or Wow, they did something really bad. And so I would save them. And then it dawned on me, like, especially like I said, Angelina, if I can go back to anything, it would be hers. It's a not a great story. It's exciting, but I have to tell this story because if I don't, when will it get told? Will it just be buried forever in these newspapers? And you know, she is a little bit more famous, I guess you could say in Colorado.
Stephanie:
But there are so many that I've run across and I've told that, I don't know if the families even know those stories exist. Yeah. Or they would just stay buried because they're not our Joe DiMaggio's and stuff like that. They're just those everyday Italian Americans who came to America, worked hard, sacrificed, had success, had failures, and I, I was able to piece their story together through the newspapers. So, and it did, like you said, it became an urgent thing. Like I have all these articles. Somebody has to tell these stories or they're lost forever.
Pat:
What I love about your approach, and especially listeners out there that are interested in doing family history and they don't even know where to begin. What I love about your story, you went through ancestry.com and there's of course my Heritage 23 and Me, all those places, but you start researching newspaper archives, which is a treasure trove, the internet archive, there's all sorts of resources there that for somebody saying, well, okay, I'll go to Ancestry, but where else can I look? You instinctively start going through newspapers and I'll tell you I'm right with you. You start going through those, it's like a, a black hole. Like you're in there and you can't stop these stories, the period pieces of the newspapers. Wow.
Stephanie:
It's amazing. It's the juiciest details. And I ran across a few of my family where I'm like, oh, they probably didn't want us to know that.
Pat:
Exactly. Now what's interesting about your podcast, you do it with your mom. Now I gotta ask, how does working with your mother shape the stories you choose? Now, we've got two generations here at the helm. Like, how does that work, how do you guys do this?
Stephanie:
I kind of do all the research. I put the script together and I'll send it to her. Sometimes she'll read it, sometimes she won't, which is kind of, it's kind of neat when she doesn't read it because it's a honest reaction from her. But it's, it's amazing because like you said, there's two generations there. She'll remember stuff that I don't, I didn't even know about. Like there's been times where I'm like, mom, what is this? And she'll laugh and she's like, yeah, that's this old thing from way back in the day or whatever. And she brings a different perspective. And so it's so easy for us to judge the world from this lens from 2026. You know, she can bring like some insight to decades prior and say, well, this is what was happening in the world, or this is what was going on.
Stephanie:
So this is probably why they reacted some of the best- or the Colorado stories. We just told one about John Melpiede, and he put the lights up on the Civic Center every year in Denver. And she, as a child, drove by there with her family, all seven of them, eight of 'em in a station wagon. And so, you know, she can bring that context and she can talk about how she remembers the miles and miles of cars backed up and, you know, tell the funny stories about her, her dad, my papa would be like stressed and done by the end and that's something that I can't relate to my audience. I can assume that. Yeah, he was probably tired by the end, but she can actually give that anecdotal tidbit that just taps the story off.
Pat:
So then you have become a dynamic duo.
Stephanie:
Yeah, we have.
Pat:
So I've listened to quite a few of your episodes. They move easily between tenderness and darkness, courage, crime, migration, scandal. How do you decide which stories to tell?
Stephanie:
I don't censor. I mean, I, I do like, I, you know, I'm not gonna tell something like horribly horrific. Yeah. But, uh, you know, if it's a mob story, I'll tell it. If it's, um, like Angelina Garamone, she murdered two people. There's a lot of people out there who don't like the bad painted on our culture, but it's in every culture, you know, it's, it's a story. It's, it shaped the Denver Italian. After Angelina murdered those two people. It reshaped the way the Italians in Denver lived. You know, a lot of them were scared of her. A lot of them supported her. Some of them wanted to see her freed. A lot of them didn't, you know, they didn't want her even existing. It may be a bad story, but it still shaped the way those Italians in Denver lived. I don't wanna just tell the good stories 'cause that's easy, you know, you could do, actually, it's easier to find the bad stories. I wanna tell them all because in some way, even if they don't paint a great light on Italian Americans, it shaped who we are and how we're viewed.
Pat:
Then the question becomes who do you have a responsibility to? I mean, when you're talking, it sounds like doing this kind of history, your responsibility is to the overview narrative of Italian Americans that your responsibility is tell the truth.
Stephanie:
Yes. Absolutely.
Pat:
And, and sometimes, uh, as you say, some of these stories are pretty gritty or you're talking murder, but it's still part of the narrative.
Stephanie:
It absolutely is.
Pat:
And I bring that up because we're living at a time when history is coming under a scrutiny. As if there are things you can remove from a history. As if that didn't happen. What I so appreciate about what you do, you are telling a whole picture here. You are not judging what we're capable of. Understanding the listeners understanding. You're saying, Hey, this happened, this was a murder, or this was a scandal, or this was a wonderful achievement. You are presenting with the utmost respect to the listener saying, Hey, you decide whatever you wanna decide, but here's what the newspaper said. This is what happened at that time.
Stephanie:
And I think exactly we honor the history by telling it 100%. And I don't feel like I would be doing a service to my listeners, to my fellow Italian Americans by eliminating or not eliminating, just ignoring the bad. Like I said, it may not shape the best light, but look at every culture, every culture has the good and the bad. Of course. And I think the one thing about those stories, like I said with Angelina, it shapes that community, that specific community. It shapes the Italian Americans and the non Italian Americans who lived in that community, whether they banded behind the Italian Americans, did not band behind them, but kind of backed away from them. And so I just feel like it would be a disservice if I didn't tell those stories. Sometimes those are the most exciting stories. Of course
Pat:
They are
Pat:
You know, one of the things I've so appreciated about your podcast is that you take us in the time travel machine and we get to look at pieces of history that your story will tell. So for example, Cassie Ferraiuolo, when she talks about the little California town of Colusa and her relatives and the people there, we get a glimpse of that little California town. And oh my God, the episode you did with Stephen Vittoria, the filmmaker and author of the book, "Christina and The Whitefish," my God, he's talking about Gulf War and Vietnam War, veterans New Jersey, Asbury Park history. My god, I felt like I was in a time travel just listening to that podcast. And, Veteran's Day, uh, John Basilone, his story, the Heroic Marine. I mean, your podcast is a historical crystal ball that we can look at histories as you present them through these people. And it real, and again, a lot of it is American history.
Stephanie:
Yeah. I, I don't travel outside of America- For my stories, I can't read the newspapers. >.
Pat:
Okay. I was saying before we went on the air, listeners that I love having Stephanie on 'cause we're both Italian, but we're both podcasters.
Pat:
Now, with that said, as podcasters we send out episodes, we sit here talking into the microphone and it's like we're sending out these episodes in the dark to listeners. We really don't know. So Stephanie, when you release an episode, who are you imagining on the other side and what do you hope it gives them?
Stephanie:
So I imagine probably about like three different people, but the first one that I hope and is that I imagine is listening is a family member. You know, of this story that I'm telling. And I have had a few people email me and I always get a little nervous when I get those emails coming across. I'm like, oh no, did I make somebody mad? I hope I didn't make anybody mad. You know, they've all been positive. Like, oh my gosh, I didn't know this story. That's my great-grandfather. I had no idea about this part of his life. So I always hope that it's a family member first. And then second this an Italian American or, or just anybody who enjoys history really and can connect the things that we're talking about in some way to their life, to their memories. And also a young person. And again, I always first go to Italian American, but even if they're not, 'cause there is that history aspect there, but a younger person who hopefully it inspires them to say, Hey, do we have any weird family stories, secrets in our in our background? And they can go ask. But I think foremost is if it's a family member and they can appreciate the episode that I've that I put out, that would be the best. Yeah.
Pat:
Well we all know, any of us who've done family research, families are messy. You know, it's so messy. And sometimes we stumble into things like, oh my God, I didn't know...Yeah. And so those moments are part of that family search. But I love the fact that you've had family members of people that you've showcased saying they didn't know that part of their loved one's life.
Stephanie:
It's so special. And then I I I'll share my research with them, like, here's my articles that I found. But yeah, it is truly a gift. What they're happy about it.
Pat:
Yeah. Especially when they're happy about it.
Stephanie:
Especially when they're happy. Which I guess going back, if I had to say, I don't try to tell stories that are newer, like 1950s and above, maybe in 1950s, but there could still be some relatives alive and I'll do some of them. But some of it I'm like, oh geez, I don't wanna ruin somebody.
Pat:
You bring up a really interesting point because we know something doesn't mean we have to blurt it out.
Stephanie:
100%. Yes.
Pat:
So I wrote a, a story about my grandmother, uh, Mamaco "With Eyes That Remember," and she had a best friend and I could not put that person's last name. I just put the initial because there was some troubling information about her life. She has relatives and stuff. And so out of respect, I did not go into giving names or being specific. And I think Exactly. And I think you're right. I mean, there is a duty to be careful.
Stephanie:
Yes, for sure. Well, I wanna tell every story, you know, sometimes it's easier to hear a story about a great, great grandparent versus a parent or a grandparent.
Pat:
And also there's safety in going way back in time.
Stephanie:
Yes, there is
Pat:
Because you can't argue with the newspaper people.
Stephanie:
Exactly.
Pat:
You're not writing the story. You're reading it.
Stephanie:
Yes. I'm retelling it.
Pat:
Yeah. So that's an interesting aspect that you, you try to go way back to a certain point actually gives you freedom to tell your stories.
Stephanie:
It really does. You know, like I said, there, you still have to have that matter of duty and respect, stewardship To the worldwide community around you. You know, and I think you kind of know too, when I'm looking through a story, I'm like, oh, maybe not, maybe not. Maybe in five years
Pat:
Yeah, exactly. Well, now teaching is clearly central to your life. What do teaching and this podcast have in common at their core for you?
Stephanie:
You know, I think understanding history. I teach social studies as well, and I can pull in so much of, of this to kids, and we, well we wanna learn about our big players. Right. But, so I work at a school that's, it's an IB school, which means international Baccalaureate.
Pat:
The International Baccalaureate program, often called IB is a school program used worldwide. It focuses on critical thinking, strong writing, research, and global awareness. IB isn't just about mastering subjects, it's about teaching students how to think, ask good questions and connect what they learn to the wider world. Back to Stephanie.
Stephanie:
Okay, great. Yeah. So there's a little bit of freedom in those because there's the themes of cultural open-mindedness where I can kind of bring in this aspect of not Italian American culture. Do I bring that in? Sure. But all sorts of cultures. Yeah. You know, and we have that time kind of granted to us where a lot of times teachers don't have time granted to them to dive into those different kinds of subjects. And you know, like we're doing a family cookbook where we have kids going home and like, one of the criteria is you have to talk to your family about why this recipe is important. Did it come from Germany when your great-grandmother came over Columbia, south America, wherever for me, like if it's not Italian American, but I still get such joy watching these kids come in and talk about like, this was my grandmother's recipe from Germany or wherever. Yeah. So it's, it's really powerful.
Pat:
What a lovely project too.
Stephanie:
Super excited. <laugh>.
Pat:
I mean, food is the universal connector.
Stephanie:
Yes, absolutely. We all like a great dessert or soup or whatever.
Pat:
Absolutely. Now, after spending so much time with other families, histories, especially as you've just talked about, has your own understanding of American history changed?
Stephanie:
You know, it has, because after doing all this research, you tend to look at historical events in not a textbook way, if that makes any sense. Especially when I'm researching a specific story. Like when I did Maria Barbella, she was in the late 18 hundreds in New York. She was sentenced to death by the electrical chair. There were so many historical aspects going on in New York at that time that I had to research that to be able to truly tell her story. Because so much of that affected that everyday person where we look back now and we can say like the prison formation that was happening at that time, and we can kind of umbrella it as it's just a historical fact. But it truly impacted her in ways that I would've never known if I didn't look through it through her eyes. Just looking at it through the ordinary person's eyes and seeing how those historical a aspects affected them.
Pat:
Well that's what's so fascinating about your podcast, because you do bring in those little historical markers, what was going on at the time. And when you understand context, you understand how that history evolved, what happened.
Stephanie:
Yes.
Pat:
It's not just facts on the paper. These were people, these were the decisions made that affected so many lives or their life.
Stephanie:
Exactly. And you know, it's, it's interesting going back to that Maria Barbella, they wanted to bring in a jury. Of course it was all men back then, but they wanted to bring in men who were from the South and had migrated up to New York because they felt southern men would be more chivalrous in understanding to her. And so that's an interesting aspect that that's the way that they, they looked at that divide in America at that point. You know, where maybe we don't look at it that way, but at that point that was truth.
Pat:
What was she accused of? Hey, quick content warning before we continue this story includes domestic violence and sexual assault. Just so you know,
Stephanie:
She cut the throat of her soon to be husband, you know, and I'm not justifying murder by any means, but he raped her. He abused her, and, and then he drug her name through the mud and what, and was refusing to marry her. So she in a way felt trapped. Like, I have no other choice. Nobody will marry me. And at that point, yeah, what did a woman need? A woman needed a husband. That's just the way it was. And so again, understanding that historical aspect of that's where she felt like he's ruined my name, nobody will marry me. I'll have no future. That's why she did what she did. She was ultimately found not guilty. So, which is crazy
Stephanie:
Understanding what was happening in the world and how women were viewed and how women viewed the world. Huge.
Pat:
And it's also interesting now, and the reason I asked you to explain the story, now it makes sense that they wanted to bring up a panel of maybe more chivalrous men who would understand the suffering maybe of a woman. And, you know, decide accordingly. That's a beautiful example of what we were just talking about when you first mentioned it. And then they brought these men up from the South possibly. Okay. But then when you gave the backstory, the circumstances, the context, then we all go, whoa. I mean that story got really rich.
Stephanie:
Yes, it does. And and you have to bring in those aspects, you know, you have to talk about, this is why she felt she had to do that to him. This is why they wanted this, this specific type of jury. And so looking through the eyes, and I get that we can't teach history this way, it would take forever. But looking through the eyes of an individual ordinary person Yeah. The history makes such a, it just so different. Yeah.
Pat:
And talk about subtleties, contradictions, all sorts of intertwined narratives to sort through.
Stephanie:
Yeah.
Pat:
That's the power of history though. And studying it so fluid and so alive.
Stephanie:
Oh, it is. It's just, it's amazing.
Pat:
Listeners who are saying, well I don't have a podcast, what can I do? What small way can I begin recording my family history? Like how can I do this? What would you say?
Stephanie:
Well, right now, because of weird circumstances, I'm doing this interview on my phone, like I'm holding my phone right now. Yes
Pat:
You are. And listeners, she's sitting in her car. Okay. Alright, continue
Stephanie:
But there is, again, with a good or bad with technology, most people have a phone in their hand and you can hit record and start asking questions. Ask your family if you have a grandparent or a parent, what is your favorite childhood memory? Who inspired you as a child? If you're really brave, ask about that family secret that's out there, <laugh>. Ask them to tell you the scandalous story. I mean, what a great way to start. Even ask your family, Hey, write down the names of the people you remember, who were your grandparents, who were their siblings, who were their parents, so on and so on. Because when you get to a point where you can get online and you can research, you'll have a base at least.
Pat:
Oh, that's a good point. Also, I like the fact that maybe have some questions prepared. Yes. So that when you go in there, you can just ask, you know, um, about those family secrets. Hey, I keep hearing everybody looking down at their shoes. Every time they talk about Uncle Bill, you know, what's going on with uncle? You know, and sometimes people will talk about it, but I like the fact if you have a chance to really record or, or, or make this history come to life, do it. Don't wait. Yeah. Please don't wait.
Stephanie:
And even start with simple questions like, where did grandma live when they came to America? Or great grandma, when you know, where did they live? Why did they choose there? Because it'll get that person whoever you're asking, it'll get the wheels turning. Oh, well they moved to Illinois because her great-grandfather lived there. They had some friends there and they worked on a farm. And guess what happened on this farm? You know, it one thing will usually lead to another. Take advantage of the recording on your phone because we don't, we can't write that fast.
Pat:
Exactly. Although about 20 years ago, my mother never talked about things and Calabresi, you know what I'm saying here. Okay. So one day when she came up to Minnesota, I don't know how it happened, but she started talking and I wrote for three hours and now the stories! I have the papers. They're precious to me now.
Stephanie:
Absolutely.
Pat:
And to your point, you are sitting in a car holding your phone and we're doing, you know, a zoom, you could just take your phone and start recording people and, and there it is.
Stephanie:
And there's so many apps out there that you could plug the recording in and it'll turn it into a transcript so you have it in actual written word.
Pat:
Well Stephanie, this has been a wonderful conversation and you know, okay, what stays with me is how you keep history alive. And it's not distant, but human, unfinished and worth the trouble. You bring the same care and attention to your fourth graders that you bring to a hundred year old headline. And why, I'll tell you why I wanted you on the show is because you remind us that stories don't survive by accident. They last because someone decides they matter. And you decided with your mom, you decided that they mattered and you made space for the rest of us to listen more closely to where we come from. Thank you and your mom for the important wonderful work that you do. And thank you for coming on Fill To Capacity today.
Stephanie:
Thank you for the kind words. I really appreciate it. And thank you so much for having me on. This was such a great conversation.
Pat:
I feel like we're talking like cousins or something, you know!
Stephanie:
Me too. I felt like that when you were on my podcast.
Pat:
It was, OMG, it felt like that. Like I knew you for years.
Stephanie:
Exactly.
Pat:
Well thank you. And listeners, thank you for joining us today and take care.
Stephanie:
Bye. Thank you.
