Unpolished Recovery
Unpolished Recovery fearlessly dives into the raw and unfiltered tales of triumph over addiction and alcoholism. We believe that true healing begins when we embrace our stories' messy, imperfect aspects. Whether you're someone seeking inspiration on your path to recovery, a friend or family member supporting a loved one, or simply a curious listener, this podcast offers eye-opening and uplifting insights.
Unpolished Recovery
The Power of Community
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Jonathan reminds us that community is the lifeline of sobriety. Staying connected means more than just a phone call or a shared coffee—it's about remembering the early battles and using that recollection as armor against complacency. Join us to uncover how your own story of recovery can unfold, inspired by the power of transformation and the strength of community.
Recovery and Personal Growth in Sobriety
Speaker 1Welcome back to Unpolished Recovery . My name is Trey . Most stories of recovery start with how bad addiction was , how they entered recovery and how great life is now . That's a polished story .
Speaker 2My name is Chris . I'm your co-host of Unpolished Recovery . Today's guest is named Jonathan . He's a graduate of a program Alumni continues to live on site , get back to the program in various ways .
Speaker 2I 'd actually heard something someone else had said earlier this week about addiction is the only disease that we know of that an individual can go into recovery and actually become a better version of self than when they first were , when they were still in the in the . In the act of addiction Like other diseases , like cancer and things when people go into treatment , their goal is just to get back to where they were prior to . You know the treatment . The addiction is the only one .
Speaker 2With recovery that person can actually be a better version of themselves , and I thought of Jonathan when I heard that , because I knew we were going to talk to him today on the podcast , because I do believe that he's he's the best version himself today , but I think he has just a ton of potential to do so much more . Maybe he doesn't even realize yet how much he can do , but so , jonathan , do you want to just kind of tell us a little bit about where you're at today , like what , some of the things you're doing to stay clean . What's some of your likes ? What ? What do you do ? What is your passion like ?
Speaker 3So what I do to stay clean , I still work my program , go through the steps of my sponsor . I work with my sponsors . I have four of . I do a meeting at the house on Wednesday nights . It's a big book study . And what I like to do , I mean I like to play video games , to be honest . Yeah , that's about it .
Speaker 2Well , I've kind of see , I've had the benefit of seeing , just like , the changes in you . I met you when you were incarcerated at the county jail here , I think . Did you attend you attend a couple classes ? Yeah , yeah , and I knew you had the desire to do something different . You're just one of those guys that you know you're real sharp , you pick up on stuff quick . You you've always been able to see the big message . Not just you know , just you know the one statement . But you know , but I knew you had the desire , but you know you were trying to figure out , well , how do I execute this ? And you know , I remember you were on it , you were trying to get in the program and you didn't have to be right , this was not mandated , this is something you chose . What come into that process ? Like when did you decide , hey , I gotta do something , this is my best course of action ?
Speaker 3Okay . So leading up to being incarcerated , I was staying , you know , hotel to hotel , sometimes , you know , outside in tents and stuff . So I knew when I went to jail that if I came out and went back to what I was doing , that I was gonna be , you know , homeless and probably strung out on drugs again with nowhere to go . So , like you said , I knew I wanted to do something different , but I didn't have the tools to try to build , you know , build anything up or get back on my feet . And whenever I talked to Mr Vargas and I talked to you , I just saw that I had a chance at , you know , trying to rebuild my life and actually having a happy , successful life , sober .
Speaker 2Yeah , because and I know , like I said , when you come in , you've never been a lot of trouble . You know , I think it was an adjustment at first because this was a new way of life , but I really believe in correct me if I'm wrong . You know , it seemed like after that first 30 days you kind of found your groove and you really poured yourself into the whole recovery process meeting sponsor stuff like that . Have you found enjoyment in that stuff ? Is it ? Has it become more than just staying clean now ?
Speaker 3Yeah , you know you couldn't have told me when I was incarcerated or when I first got here that I would ever want to work with other people you know , or help anybody . I just didn't . It was like the furthest thing from my mind . It seemed crazy to me . But now that's . One of my favorite things to do is to work with my sponsors and to get to see like the light come on for them and see that I watched them go through the same parts of the program I went through and struggles early on and then to see them find that inner peace . It just it's something that really keeps me going .
Speaker 2Well , you know , we all know that's worked a program , that's attraction rather than promotion . And I know firsthand like I get new guys in and within a few days they're like hey , can Jonathan sponsor me ? You know , and I'm like and then that's what calls that . They see someone working a program , they see something they want . You know , and I hope you take pride in that that's . That just happens , naturally . And you're working a program and I think you've become more intense about it since you graduate . How long ago did you graduate ?
Speaker 3I graduated in June last year .
Speaker 2I can't believe it's been that long . It's went fast . Yeah , it has . When you're working on yourself and building things , it does go by fast and I know you've had certain goals and you've been working on them . What's some of your dreams now ? Like , like , moving forward , like what some of those things now that you've got some stability in a foundation ? I know we've talked about further in your education but like , where are you at there , like what some of the things that you're interested in doing moving forward ?
Speaker 3So I want to . Obviously I want to establish my credit score and get a good credit score , become a homeowner at some point in the not too distant future . I really would like to work in recovery . It's not something that I ever thought I would want to do , but it's . You know , it's something that's made such a drastic difference in my life and I've also seen the other side of it since I've been here . You know people that didn't make it through the program or that chose to go back out , that are in prison now , or some of them didn't make it back . So I just see the importance of it and to think that some people don't get that chance or opportunity because they don't know that there is a solution out there , something about that just doesn't sit well with me . So I'd like to try to , you know , open that door for as many people as you know or looking for help .
Speaker 2You got to give it a way to keep it . I think there's very few truer statements in recovery . Do you mind me asking , like how long have you got cleaning sober now as of today ?
Speaker 2I have 14 months , 14 months , you're probably you're approaching that threshold where you can probably look at being a CPRS . You know , and I know you know , when that time comes we'll definitely be willing . Pasadena's big on people wanna work and get those certifications , so I think that would be an excellent choice for you . You just connect with guys really well , and has there been ? What about the difficult times , like going through the program the first six months ? Did you ever have those moments you doubted yourself or started having thoughts well , maybe I should have a different plan .
Speaker 3Or I mean . So I'm not gonna say the person's name , but my first roommate that left , which we both knew him . When he left and he , you know , made his little plan to leave . I was so close to leaving with him and when I didn't , and then seeing the path that he traveled down it just it really reinforced the thought in my head that I was doing the right thing , that I was at the right place . It's just crazy to see , you know , what one decision can do for your life , how drastically it can change it , whether it's for the good or the bad . And so I guess that's just kind of when it clicked for me was seeing other people , you know , just decided to go back out and relapse and stuff Just really had an effect on me . It honestly it takes a lot out of you because you , like you , build a bond with people and you start to really care about them and then to see them do that it kind of hurts . You blame yourself a little bit , I think so .
Speaker 2Well , I'm with you there , Cause that's one thing that's helped me stay in connected , working in recovery . I don't wish failure on anyone , but I'm very open about this . If it , I can't go back , and if it's gotta be one of us , you know and you want that , I'll give it to you , you know . But it did help me seeing that , because I see myself in everybody that walks through the door . I might not know them or their story , but there's a piece there that , oh , that was me at one time and it's a constant reminder , like you said , that I'm one bad decision away from being right back where I started from . So I relate to that . Did you have any questions , troy ?
Speaker 1I'm curious now that you've I think something interesting about recovery is like once you find yourself succeeding in recovery , you all of a sudden are helping other people very quickly . I think that's very unique to recovery and I'm curious what are some ? What are some areas that you've found now that you're as much , that you're so actively helping others , that you've have found yourself in situations like I can't help this person because they're harming me . Have you found yourself in any situations like that ?
Speaker 3Okay . So one situation I can think of in particular is a person that I had dealt with before I got incarcerated and while I was locked up they went to prison in a different state . Well , when they got out , whenever I finished the program , I had found them and I was putting money on their books and stuff . Well then , when they got out , they did good for a little bit and then they went back . I guess they were struggling with their addiction and stuff and I tried my best to help them . I got them in different halfway houses and at some point I felt like I was enabling that person , because I felt like my love for them was clouding my judgment as far as I was gonna kill them . You know what I'm saying . But I always bailing them out instead of just letting them fall and pick their self back up and decide if recovery's really what they want for them . So yeah , that was one that was hard for me and I felt a lot of guilt about it .
Speaker 2That's a hard lesson , and I don't know any least any of my people , any of my friends people . I've known in recovery that we've learned that lesson . Most of us don't learn it that quick though , so it's awesome that you've been able to make that connection .
Speaker 2It's hard to tell just how success you know what a success story , what a miracle someone is . And just a short interview . But you know , you've always I ain't gonna lie to you . I use your name every chance I get when I go to the jail and teach , because you are a success story and I can speak for myself . When I first got in recovery , it wasn't nobody putting any bets behind me to make it long and because I had such a track record of potential unmet potential , I guess , and it does make a difference , one that and now they ask about you .
Speaker 2A lot of the guys do so , hey . So I said man does this thing , he . I tell him about the group that you did that . That's 100% voluntary . First time we've ever let a participant or a former participant or alumni lead a 12 step study . So I can't say that I would have let just anyone do it . You know , for me recovery just didn't save my life . It taught me a new way to live . You know , I've learned a lot of lessons that maybe I should have learned as a young man , but I've had to benefit of learning them in recovery . Now Let me ask you one question , because this is always one . Because you're a young man , you take care of yourself . One of our rules in the program is no relationships , and I , you know , just naturally it's more difficult for a young man . It was harder for me at 20 something than 40 , you know . But how's that struggle being like taking a initially , when you took a break from that for a little while ? Was that hard or was it just one of them ? Things like , oh , I need this .
Speaker 3So at first . You know you always want what you can't have , you know I mean . So , like , that being said , you know , like you go to church , like the first time I went to church I remember looking over there and like seeing girls and stuff . But Luckily for me , I just , you know I actually I worked at a college too when I first got here . So you know I was interacting with females and stuff , but I never was tempted as far as a Relationship goes , which I thank God for that , because it probably would have thrown off everything I
Navigating Relationships in Addiction Recovery
Speaker 3had going . But Even now , you know , at the little bit over a year into recovery , I can see where that distraction , where it , you know it , can be detrimental to your recovery and it can make you put things on the back burner that you know . That you can't , you know , do with half measure . So I can definitely see the need for abstaining from relationships until you're really solidified and , like , have a good foundation with your recovery for sure .
Speaker 2Has it changed like ? So now you know you're alumni , you've been clean over a year , you know at least all of our alumni are free to date , whatever we encouraging and get to know people . But has it changed your approach , like when you're talking to someone , or has it because you put so much work in and your Recovery and you did abstain for a period of time , has that changed how you approach it now versus before ?
Speaker 3I feel like I have , you know , I've set boundaries for myself and like standards that probably in the past I wouldn't , you know , I would overlook things and you know , probably cosine something for somebody . So now my , you know , my big thing is obviously well , at least right now , and I don't think it would make sense , even down the road , for me being a addict . I don't think I can be with anybody that casually drinks or , you know , smokes or anything like that , because to me , you know you get around it and maybe the first couple times you know you're a pallid by it or you're like no , I can't do it , but then it becomes the normal , you know , like it did when I was , you know , shooting dope and stuff . So I just Maybe I'm , maybe I'm too hard on you know my potential , you know potential people . To date I probably am a little bit too judgmental , but I think that's just my way of keeping myself safe and Making sure that I don't fall back into that whole behavior and old thinking .
Speaker 1Well , I mean , you are your main , main priority . So I think I don't . I don't think you're . You have to hire of a standard , because reality is is Like you have to take yourself in your priorities first and if you already know that ain't gonna work , then don't even try it .
Speaker 2Right , well , I can , I'll be . I was in and out . I've shared that before . I was in and out of recovery for many years and I'd get small periods of sobriety and then be back in . And I always heard that at 18 years ago , first sponsor ever had . You know like you need to abstain from relay ships for at least a year , and I never , ever , followed that . I usually hooked up with someone in the meeting yeah , because well , they say , two sickies don't make a wellie . But both of us being vulnerable off of drugs , usually for first time in years , I've always found that I put the drugs down while I filled the holes with . The easiest person to grab to fill that hole Was another person . But I never followed it , ever and of course my track record shows how that Worked out .
Speaker 2But when I actually did , for the first time in my life , go a year With which it's not dating you know , it's working on me my standards changed , like what I was okay with and what I wasn't . I can't tell you how many , many years ago I'm married now , but not dates that I would see these red flags and I would just say , hey , you know , I'm just a different place , but I never would have done that . It was more about availability than quality , yeah , because I just didn't want to be by myself . But it did change mine and I'm glad it did , because I met my wife now and she's my best friend and . But I never would have got that if I wouldn't abstain . So it changed my standards too , because I , for the first time in my life , I built something man . I just didn't want to risk losing it . I don't want to make the same decisions that I made most of my life . So I get you . I'm a trait you know . You know in your heart when it's right and if you have warning signs . That's something I never did . I never listened to those alarms going off in my heart or my mind . And today I do , because I've got so much at risk To lose .
Speaker 2I think it . I think even the farther you go , the longer you do it , the more you build up , even more . So you have to like you got , you got to be your priority and you got to protect yourself . It when I do , when you do find that one , that hey , I got a real connection . I don't want to be , I didn't want to be unhealthy and run it , you know . So you know I'm with you .
Speaker 2It was hard for me because I was so used to doing it , but you know you , just you've learned a lot of lessons early on . Maybe that's because your sponsor I know that you , the sponsor you had earlier on , I know you . You had a really good relationship with him and you were always like asking Go to extra meetings and things like that . People that typically aren't serious , don't ask to do more .
Speaker 2You know , that's why I first kind of noticed , like this guy's , like he's working on him and but , like said , the Change to the time and I'm hoping eventually to be able to take you and some of the other guys that came from over there that are successful and doing well , back in there , because I think I think they need to see that people that are starting on that road , like you were and Everybody else like I think they need to see that , hey , if you put the work in you , you know it , that there's there's a different life available . What would you tell one of those guys like , if I did , let's just say , hop thickly . We went in there and you know they asked you at that point what's the best advice you could give them coming out .
Speaker 3I probably just tell them to Try to , you know , let go of the reservations and just give them . You know , it's kind of like I tell my sponsors or anybody that talks to me that things they that this program In a good fitter they want to leave . Just give it a week , you know . I mean , after you give it that week , give it another week and then after a month , if you can't say that your life has grown and been better , then it would have . If you left and you've wasted , you know you haven't really wasted any time so you can just , you can always go back out there and , you know , try to use dope successfully , yeah , so I would just tell them to just try to , you know , give theirself a chance to feel the change and embrace it before you , you know , give up on it .
Speaker 1Is that from purpose ? Personal experience like that ? You Initially weren't ready to be here like you . Tell me about that .
Speaker 3Oh .
Speaker 1Like your hesitancy to be here .
Speaker 3You know , it's not that I didn't want to be here , it's . You know , I just I felt like I was losing a part of myself , you know , with the growth , you know because I come from . You know , you know from from being in the streets and you know dealing with gangs and stuff like that . So a lot of the things that I learned Living in those circles is different than what you're trying to do here . You know what I mean . So I felt like at first I felt like it was me being forced to , like , you know , turn my back on what I , what I wasn't , you know , what I was passionate about for so many years . So I felt like I was maybe a sellout or something . But uh , you know , the longer I was here and the more I embraced it , you know , and I think other people see you changing way before you notice it yourself , you know . So I feel like Once that started happening and I get like the positive affirmation from people about how far I'd come , and you know , just stuff like that , that , um , it really kind of fueled the fire . And then , once I start , you know , I think it was when I graduated , when I got my petition to graduate back from you . It said that you wanted to see me get out of my comfort zone and that's when I was like you know Well what's the worst that could happen .
Speaker 3So I started trying to talk to people and help people . You know , because I used to just state to myself I don't think I was an introvert , but I think that I worried more about what people thought of me or if I would say something wrong or you know whatever . Maybe I wouldn't have an answer for something . So I let that make me keep my mouth shut and not try to help people . So now I can just see the value and what I can bring to a situation and if nothing else , you just always speak from past experience or yourself . You don't have to talk about things . You necessarily haven't been there , we don't know .
Speaker 2You always , we do . We see we see people get discouraged and if they could only see that snapshot , or when they come in , versus where they're at , you know , after 30 days , it is growth , it's a miracle . Like you said , you do it for so long . That old life , that's how we learn to survive , good or bad . It's easy to judge it from the outside if you haven't lived that person and those person , shit . But that's how we thought we had to survive and I think it does become part of our identity .
Speaker 2You know that it becomes a who we think we are and you know facing some of that is is well , you see yourself , you mentioned you've seen so many people come in and when they get to that point they go back . You know , and you hate it , but that's their process . I failed a lot before . I actually was ready to Be open to suggestions and I guess , go all in , as they say , but now , like a , can you see yourself , you know , in the future doing this full-time , like in recovery , or are you more ? I'd like you like give them back and just the sponsor , or could you see yourself doing this full-time for a living , working with other people in recovery ?
Speaker 3You know , for for a long time I always just assumed that nobody got to enjoy what they did for a living . You know , like you , you had to be miserable at work . So this is definitely something that I would do for a living because I enjoy doing it . So what better than to make a living Helping people and you know me like helping people turn their lives around and getting to see other people recover and change and be the best person of themselves .
Speaker 2I'll tell you first-hand , man , this is the greatest blessing in my life . And I don't have it all figured out either . I'm still in my own recovery , learning to grow and Learning new things , trying to get out my comfort zone all the time . But I've got a lot of good things in my life today . But I was like you . I thought if they gave me a check I had to be miserable . That was the trade , like I wasn't working , if I didn't hate it . Today , like I get to work with people that are at least similar to me in some way or another and I get to see first-hand the success that people have and and like you're just , it's you , you're cheering you on . You know like that's how I make it today is by helping someone else get a little farther . You know there's days when I probably would it If I was wealthy . I'd do it for free .
Speaker 2You know that it's just , it's rewarding and you know , like I said , you've learned some hard lessons early on . I think that's just because you went all in and you wanted everything you could get out of it and I think that shows and you know , like said , that's why I use you as an example . You know , I've always known that You're not someone that requires supervision . You know you're , you're gonna do the right thing Because it's the right thing for you . You know , and and I that's what you hope for by the end of the program , as someone stops doing it because they have to , but because they've adopted those standards for themselves and I sell time . You know you can have tougher laws on drugs and stuff , but if you really want to make a difference , people that are able to find some recovery give them back . That's how we make a difference being able to connect with people saying , hey , I was there , I get it , it's hard , but there is another way , and they'll listen to someone that they know has been there .
Speaker 1Chris mentioned mentions a lot that , like , when you aren't seeking it , seeking a relationship anymore , that's probably when you're ready for a relationship , when you're not trying to Move out , it's probably when you're Ready , like when you're not craving the need to leave here , is when you're ready To move out . And I'm curious , like , where would you say you're at with that ? With regard to , like , when did you stop feeling the need ? Like , when did you stop ? When did you lose the craving of moving out of here ? And are you there yet ? Are you ready to go ? What are your thoughts on that ?
Staying Connected and Finding Value
Speaker 3So I think I probably lost the craving to move out when I graduated because I felt like I could breathe a little bit , you know , because you know , and sometimes you are under a microscope , you know , and Things can just pile up on you . You know you have a bad day at work and you come home you got rode up for something and you know all that stuff kind of snowballs into something .
Speaker 1Really it's not it all happens on the same day , doesn't it ?
Speaker 3Yeah , for sure , for sure , you know . But so you know Early on little , you know it's the small things we get hung up on . So you know Something small as a dart which doesn't even matter , you know . I mean you just correct it and you keep going , you don't let it get to you . But so , yeah , once I , once I finished the program and I was able to kind of Mold my recovery the way I wanted it to be , as far as like what meetings I went to and stuff like that Is when I didn't really mind it anymore .
Speaker 3And as far as being ready to move out . I Think I have the tools to to work my program and , you know , stay consistent and sober outside of here . But do I think I'm ready ? Not yet , and that's why I'm happy that you know . For right now I can stay here as long as I want , provided I do . You know what's expected of me and stuff .
Speaker 3So I like being around other people that are trying to do the same thing I'm doing , plus being around people that just got here . It keeps you grounded , you know , and it helps you see daily where you were not so long ago , because it's easy to forget , like the pain and the suffering and like the desperateness that you felt when you first got sober . You know , once you start getting stuff back and you got a good job , you got a little money saved up , clothes , you know , and stuff like that you forget how bad it was . And I think that's what probably causes some people to go back out there , because they they don't , you know , have they don't recall to their memory Just how humiliating it was , you know , not so long ago .
Speaker 2Nothing to you , just different person . Now . You know like you're not the same man as when you started this journey and hopefully you know ten years from now , even a better version . But I think one lesson that you got like in the obvious . It's obvious because the way it's like the staying connected part that's . That's a lesson that we talk a lot about , but they're so done with . You know the programming and things like that . People leave and they're just what what starts as I'm gonna take a break from it for a while becomes . You know they're not connected and I'm confident that you'll be connected in some way or another , even if it's just sponsoring guys we have here . But it's huge .
Speaker 2It's huge staying connected , because that's for me , that's what reminds me of how bad that was , how I felt , you know , like the misery and pain . It keeps it fresh on my mind that that I can make a choice to go back there , because that's the difference . I have a choice today . Back then I didn't , but I have a choice and I can choose to do it . Yeah , you know , and if I forget how bad it really was , if I let my attic brain Start to sugarcoat it and change things around , well , you know I can handle it now . I can do different things , and that's usually in the past where I made my Mistakes , but but I think you got those lessons . We're just extremely happy for you . That this is . You found something here and that's all I have I want . I want people to find the same thing I Did here a new way to live and start to see their value .
Speaker 2But you're just one of them , guys . You could do any . Once you focus your mind on something , I Don't think you'll rest till you accomplish it . And you know , I think you're just closer now to who you really are Than you've ever been and you're an asset to our program . I know that . I know all of our staff Believe the same thing . Well , if I could get 20 more like it , man , my job be easier . I take it , you know , but you got to go through . Usually you got ten people ain't ready to get to the two that are , but those two Contact with a hundred or more people throughout their lifetime , so it's worth it in the long run . But so , with that being said , is there anything that you could offer anybody out there that is struggling ? That's kind of at that Contemplation stage where , like , hey , things aren't good , I Need to do something . Is there anything you can offer them based on your experience ?
Speaker 3Um , I would just tell them , you know , if they're wanting to do something different , if they're tired of getting the same thing , you know , just don't be afraid to take that first step .
Journey to Recovery and Growth
Speaker 3And , like I said a little bit ago , you know , if you , if you take it and you , you seek out help and you know it doesn't work for you , it doesn't feel right , you can always go back to what you were doing . But you know , don't cheat yourself and Don't think you're not good enough for recovery or that you don't deserve a second chance at life , because you know we all you know there's better versions of yourself that you can be . You just have to Be the change . You know you have to actively seek it and until you do , you never know how far you can come or how much you can grow .
Speaker 2It's price of eyes yourself , honestly don't give up till before the miracle happens .
Speaker 2You know we say that and bridge a lot , but , man , thanks so much for coming on .
Speaker 2Well , if you're , you know we're gonna do some other stuff down the road . Like I would like you to be involved in some stuff like steps , and then I know we didn't get into a lot about your path to this point , but I know you've had an event full off and I would like that to get that one day , because I , you know we're so impressed with who you are today . Like I really want to put that out there , that what kind of man you are today and how much you mean to other people and how much you give them back and the you overcome the odds . You know that live in a certain way for so long and then you've , you know , and you've done so much in such a short period of time , really in the span of lifetime . But you know , if you're willing to really dig deep , you know , later on and kind of go in . I think people would like to to hear about how , how far you've come , and just , you know , less than two years .
Speaker 3Yeah , we can definitely do it . I'd definitely be open to discuss my past and what got me here .
Speaker 2Well , thanks a lot , jonathan , for sharing with us .
Speaker 1Yeah , jonathan , thanks for joining us . We know every person's story is impactful and it matters , and so To our listeners , thanks for joining us today . You .