Unpolished Recovery
Unpolished Recovery fearlessly dives into the raw and unfiltered tales of triumph over addiction and alcoholism. We believe that true healing begins when we embrace our stories' messy, imperfect aspects. Whether you're someone seeking inspiration on your path to recovery, a friend or family member supporting a loved one, or simply a curious listener, this podcast offers eye-opening and uplifting insights.
Unpolished Recovery
Simon’s Determination to Sobriety and Success
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Meet Simon, a Restoration House resident who has spent the past two years transforming his life after prison. Despite his initial doubts and skepticism from others, Simon's story is of persistence, willingness to change, and profound personal growth. From leadership roles to facilitating groups, Simon has embraced a supportive and inclusive environment that challenges racial and cultural preconceptions in recovery.
Welcome back to Unpolished Recovery. My name is Trey. Most stories of recovery start with how bad addiction was, how they entered recovery and how great life is now, and we call that a polished story.
Speaker 2My name is Chris. I'm your co-host of Unpolished Recovery. Today's guest we have is named Simon. Simon has been with us for quite some time. Simon, you want to kind of go into a little background story, like, how long have you been living on site at Restoration House?
Speaker 3I have been here over two years now, and I came out of prison and came here knowing that I needed to change my life. I was just tired of going in and coming out and going back to the same thing.
Speaker 2So Now you actually graduated the program almost two years ago, right? I think you graduated right on time six months, and then you voluntarily stayed for some time, you know? Have you ever regretted that decision?
Speaker 3No, I think it was the best decision I could have made, because I learned more after I graduated. We didn't have the experience of going to Bridge and having to break out or all that stuff before I graduated. So once I graduated, we got all this stuff together and I'm still learning a lot more now about myself and everything else.
Speaker 2Did it help help now? You've served on the leadership team, you've been a weekend monitor, you've been a facility, a group facilitator for some time. Like all these extra things that you did to get involved, like has that helped along the way?
Speaker 3I think it definitely did. It kind of got me to understand how I was reacting to the rules. When I first started I kind of didn't agree with a lot of stuff, I guess because I wasn't doing the right thing or I wanted to be my way. But then later on I understood why they was there and how much it had changed me.
Speaker 2I'm going to let you in on a secret. I don't know if you know this. I'm not going to mention the staff member's name but over two years ago, when we picked you up at the bus station, when the president dropped you off, I got a phone call from the monitor and he said you was a super nice guy. But he said I don't think this is a good fit for him.
Speaker 3Did you know that? Yeah, I kind of figured because he didn't think I was going to last and I didn't think I was going to last. To be honest, I was saying it wasn't a good fit for me and it was something that I always kind of ran away from, thinking oh, I don't need this, I don't need no help, I can do this myself. And that's what always kind of got me back to the same position.
Speaker 2Yeah, that makes sense. Well, I think too early on, people think it's just about drugs and alcohol, because that's been the one glaring thing that has just damaged ourselves, our lives, our relationships. But you know, I do believe you're someone that you know can testify that it's a lot bigger than that. It is changing the way that you think, the way you conduct yourself, what's even your priorities. Do you agree with that?
Speaker 3I agree with it because it kind of changes what I think about my future, how I see the future, what I think about myself and what I need to do to get to the position that I want to be in the future, and how I am a father, a parent to my kids, how I'm able to be there even though I'm not there. So I have kind of built a lot and I think it does help you with, you know, just focusing on what you need to do and whatnot now you're, are you originally from Atlanta or Georgia like, or did you just live there a while because I know you have family there.
Speaker 2You spend a lot of time there, yeah, um well, actually my parents are from Eritrea.
Speaker 3Yeah, you got me there, I don't know where that's at yeah, it's in East Africa, so English is my second language. So you know, even coming here I'm not from Tennessee like that. So I thought maybe it's going to be a little bit of you know what you hear racism, people not treating you but I was treated like a family. I was treated like you know, since the first day I came in. It wasn't about black or white, it wasn't about any of that stuff. You know, before coming here you would kind of think maybe you would get treated differently or whatever. But I was treated like you know, just like a family, and that meant a lot to me.
Speaker 2And I think that's one of the most wonderful things about recovery. It's not about race, religion, culture, like we're just trying to live, to be a better version of ourself each day. And addiction and alcohol it's the great equalizer. Those things tend to not be so important when you're fighting to stay alive and help comes from sometimes the most unlikely places. So I'll tell you this I don't know about you, but I am grateful that I'm a recovering addict and alcoholic and I'm part of recovery community. I think America in general could use a lot more recovery. Oh yeah.
Speaker 3I mean, I think this was the biggest thing in my life because I always went to prison or jail and got out and just for the most part part it was more harder to get a job or to be stable. Once getting out, you know they want you to pay your parole, probation fees and then the jobs don't want to hire you because of your record. But now so much opportunity and so many programs like this, I couldn't see how somebody would fail, or not, you know there's a lot more resources today than what there used to be.
Speaker 2But you know, I I hear you saying about I didn't know if I was a good fit and, like you're one of those guys I brag about because the patience that you've shown we talk about. We just talked about last week that allowing things to develop, doing the best you could and then allowing doors to open, because you've always worked the whole time in the program and you you've had balance, like I see you spend time with family and and then your job, saving money. I mean, I've just seen you do it through the last couple years like starting from. Hey, I don't know if this is for me to you know what. I'm going to give it a chance because I want something different. I don't know what that is at that moment, but I do want something different. I've seen you do that, which has just been, you know, just a miracle of a journey seeing you do that and making good decisions. It's not because somebody is expecting that, because that's who you are.
Speaker 3I think that's the thing about recovery is that we don't understand that we need recovery. We don't think we need that help. When I came in, I didn't think it was a part of me that knew I needed it, but another part was like, oh, I can do it, I don't need this. And I see a lot of people that come in. And you got to be honest with yourself. Everything in here was a test, just like having a car and not driving. I could have parked it across the street, like you said some people do, and that was a test for me.
Speaker 3It's like do I want to get away doing the wrong things in life? It's easy to do it, but it's about me, it's not about nobody else. I can get away with doing a lot of things, but I have never you know that's what I kept thinking in my mind like I can get away doing the wrong thing. I've never been able to. So being patient was a big part of recovery and I can say that that's the most part that I think I've learned is just to be patient and everything work out as long as you're doing the right thing. You know, in this bridge connection is what connected me more closer to God and got God in my life to just believe in God and just you know, just kind of trusting him and do the right thing and everything out.
Speaker 3I've been patient for a long time, waiting on my license, you know, and yeah, it was a while but hard work. I kept getting no's and finally I just prayed about it. I remember calling Pastor Tina one day because I got approved by one court and then DMV told me, oh, after they told me that was all that I had, I called back. After I got that done they was like, well, you still got another one. I said man, this is that had took me about six, seven months. I called Pastor Tina and I prayed about it right then, and I called the other county. By the grace of God it was a lady that just cared and she said I will get this done for you and I told her about you and you said she gave you a call.
Speaker 3And it was done like that, so I know that's through God.
Speaker 2I look forward to those opportunities. When somebody's wanting, I've got someone in the program that's just doing great and I get a chance to tell about it. So I'm always happy to help. But you've done done the work. I didn't tell anything, it wasn't true, but I just. I was joking and I'm partly serious. We were talking about your path to get your license back and, uh, I've just been honest like I don't know if I could have done it. You know, just the just the doors getting shut and you're not giving up and and still doing it the right way. I, unfortunately you don't see that a lot. So when you do, you know. So that's one of the reasons I throw you up all the time. You know I can't do it. Well, you need to go talk to Simon, he'll tell you how he did it.
Speaker 3I remember walking down here one day from the bus stop and seeing Pasatina coming in and it was cold and I was walking and I told her you know what? I'm proud to be walking and not knowing I'm doing the right thing, versus going behind everybody back and just trying to drive or do whatever I'm not supposed to be doing, which was an easy thing for me. I could have got a car and been driving around, but that would have took me backwards and I know just being patient. I guess everything here, like I say, is a test. I've seen everybody do it the wrong way. I wouldn't say everybody, but I've seen people that came in here and tried the wrong things and didn't work out.
Speaker 2Yeah, Now, going back to like you had mentioned briefly about coming here from prison, what's some of the things that just this path you've taken, the way that you're doing things recovery, being present and working a program what are some of the things that it's given you because you did it the right way?
Speaker 3It gives me my family back, my kids being in their life and just being able to provide for them. I still haven't tried to stay away from the mother of my kids because she still drinks. It's not every day, but the times that she do is what causes me to just every time that she calls. I can't stand it. I feel like that's going to put me to relapse again. To be there for my kids, I just have to stay away from her right now until she makes that change. But overall it's just being able to help her out as much as I can. You know, having that trust in my family to be like you know what he can do it he won't go back to the same thing. When I first got out, they didn't have no faith in me.
Speaker 1They were like, yes, right, but now they do, so it means a lot and you always have those boundaries in place in your life, like you're saying that you have uh with your kids, mom oh, yeah, um, yeah, of course, yeah, you have you've always.
Speaker 3No, I'm asking if you've always had those boundaries oh before yeah oh no, I didn't have the boundaries and, um, I think it was. I think we got together because we both drank and now that I don't and she still wants to, it's just not a good fit. Yeah, she wants to make the change, so and that's.
Speaker 2You know that that is part of recovery, like being able to see that this could be an issue for me, yeah, and doing something about it. You know it's a big part of it not manipulating ourselves to believe in that, hey, I can handle it. Now, you know I can't tell you how many times that I've given up my clean time because I thought that, or at least I convinced myself of that. But now, what are some of the? I want to bring this up about your daughter and what you just did for her recently. I know you said you're there and you're present, but because of your hard work, what was it that you were able to do?
Building a New Life After Prison
Speaker 3I got her a car when she got her license. She graduates I mean, she makes all as she got accepted to college in 10th grade and I always tell you or past team about this and show you pictures. But she's a great, responsible kid so I felt like she deserved it. I was proud to be able to do that for her. I mean, I've always been there. As far as anything they need, I take care of it. I don't care for school clothes. Anything that has to do with my kids. I take care of it. That's my responsibility. So, get her a car and the hardest part was the insurance because she's so young, but I'm doing all that.
Speaker 1That's still a big deal, though. I mean, buying school clothes and buying a car are two very different things.
Speaker 3Yeah, but it's just always been my responsibility to be there for my kids. I didn't have that growing up from my parents, so hopefully that makes them be better kids or do better in life.
Speaker 2I want to make sure that I mention this was no beater vehicle, it's nicer than mine. I was like I didn't expect it. I just, you know, I seen it and I was like there's like yeah, that's Simon's daughter's car. And I was like, wow, doing well, I bet it was a good feeling to be able to be there. You know, provides one thing, but being present, being available for the phone calls and that what you mentioned it, they want to believe in us, but our record has shown that that's a risk. And being able to put together day after day for over two years to show them that I'm different, like that goes a long way.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, Even in my own life, knowing that the people I care about can count on me, that's one of the most valuable things I have. And it's also hard, it's hard fought to get that. You know a lot of people give up before they make it there, you know. So I feel you on that. It's a good feeling. So like, just how long? So you originally came to the States from East Africa? How long before you went to prison? Like how long were you in the States?
Speaker 3All my life. Okay, yeah, I came when I was a baby.
Speaker 2When you came here, was that the first time you ever been to prison or incarcerated. When I came to Tennessee To a restoration house, had you ever been incarcerated?
Speaker 3I've been incarcerated for most of my life. I was doing all the wrong things for money. So, yeah, I got arrested here and they told me that there's programs to help you with my drinking problem that I had. So I didn't know anything about programs before this. So when I came here I was like it's not for me, I don't have no problem. And then the more I was in a program, I was like I didn't know anything about programs before this. So when I came here I was like, ah, this is not for me, I don't have no problem. And then the more I was in the program, I was like I have so much problems.
Speaker 3It just kind of opened my eyes. And another thing part of recovery was just getting away from all the old friends, because the more I go back and see them and they're doing the same things. I know if I keep myself around that same circle it's just a matter of time for me to get back to doing all the wrong things. So that's been another thing, just that I'm in a different state and you know, the more I go back, the more I see how much I have changed and how much more I want to keep changing. And it's been a blessing.
Speaker 2I'm so thankful for this program well, once you give it enough time to actually build a worth life, life worth having, you're not so quick to risk it anymore. You know you see trouble coming pretty far off, but you also know that a lot of people's just still stuck in that life like that's all they've known. You know we try to share the message whenever we can, but you know. But I remember a story. I don't know. I'm sure you remember why I bring it up, but I don't push the way I believe on anyone. My spirituality is personal but, however, there's nothing anyone else could say to change the way I believe, because I remember when you came that and I don could say to change the way I believe, because I remember when you came that and I don't want to mention the program but you had already paid hundreds of dollars to get in that program.
Speaker 2Right before you got released they said we're not taking men anymore. I remember that. So all your family had already spent all the money to get you in and so you were scrambling around at the last minute trying to find placement and I remember going through all that. So you know me in my faith. I look at Mike. You know you ended up exactly where you were supposed to. But I remember that difficulty and I just felt compassion. We were eager to work with you because I could imagine being in that situation.
Speaker 3Yeah, I remember that it was Ms Ann and I was talking to her when I was in prison and she had accepted me and we sent her for a month a payment. So before I got out she closed down the men's program and it was just women's program. She told me I'm going to find you another spot. This is where she sent me, once I got here, all the rules about not having family and I'm like, oh no, this is not going to work. Then I was like, maybe that's what I need to do for now. So I just went along with it, and then the more I realized why it's there, yeah, yeah, you said that you kind of looked at it as well.
Speaker 1This is what I'm going to do for now. I'm curious, like how many of those things are still in place in your life now, like all those boundaries that were set or really forced upon you to be successful here.
Speaker 3How many of them like, how many of them them are still I would say almost most of them because, um, I wouldn't be where I am without those boundaries, you know, just like staying away from old friends or people who still drink, or whatever I see them, but it's like I don't want to be around it no more. And when I first got out, that's all I kept thinking about is having a drink. I just just got out, I got to celebrate, but because of this program, every day for the first two months I was like got to be away from me to go get a drink and then, three months later, I was like it has been three months I haven't had a drink and I think it was like four or five months. I didn't even think about a drink, no more. I just thought about what I got to do to better my life. What to you know? To be there for my kids and to be a better person, and that's um do you ever, ever have any?
Speaker 1so, uh, if I understand correctly, you got to five, six months. You weren't even thinking about it anymore. Do you ever? Um, in the last couple of years, have you had any moments where you had to step back and remind yourself of that, whether you went through a trial or something, that that temptation arrived again?
Speaker 3I think the temptation was there. I didn't think about it as much because of the program, how busy the program kept me. But I knew if I was in the program it was just a matter of time for me to have a drink. I'd get bored easy. I guess, just being not being busy as the program kept me, I think I would have went back drinking.
Speaker 2I know since you graduated you kind of lived the same life like since you came in, like you graduated, like you go to work I I see if you're not at work I usually see you here, unless it's you're away on to see family, but you kind of keep the same uh routine, uh, and then it used to have been steady the whole way.
Speaker 3I think that's how I was able to save money to buy myself and my daughter a car. Like Trey said, having the boundaries and that was one of the boundaries Just keep from going out and spending money as much. Spending money as much that's one thing that kept me from going out as much or just being around wrong people. I tried a couple times and it just wasn't for me. I guess I'm just so used to having a drink and being out there or just being around people. It was just a whole new life. I just keep thinking about the future. From now on, I want to start a business. That's what I think about now about the future. From now on, I want to start a business. That's what I think about now, two years from now, three years from now. I'm just working towards that goal now.
Speaker 2Well, I've known you long enough to know if you set a goal you could probably go ahead and bet you're going to hit it Like you'll have a plan and you'll stick it out. So I'll pray about it. Well, I know one thing we hadn't mentioned I would like to put out there. It's like I've seen, though, along this journey. I've seen how much effort you also put into trying to help others. That, like you mentioned, like you remember what was like in the beginning and we'd have a hard time finding anybody more positive than you are in the program just consistency. And I've seen you just really put some effort into trying to help someone. But I've also seen sometimes, when they go back to the old way, how it hurts you too. You know some guys you've been friends with. You too. You know some guys you've been friends with. How was that whole process trying to to help them and then seeing that they they chose to go back.
Speaker 3I think that process is the same process you guys go to through for the longer than me, because I see how much even what Kevin was here, how much that would tear him up when somebody relapsed or OD or not go through the program. And we do just as far as I've seen you do. It's like you give everybody a chance I used to be a monitor and when somebody does mess up you give them so much chance until you realize they can't do it. And that's a hard choice for you and everybody else because we've been through that same situation so we see how better it is on this side than it is going back to where we used to be. Hopefully they realize it one day. I don't know how many tries it takes Sometimes. I'm pretty sure you've seen somebody OD and came back. That's a sad thing to see. We try our best to just yeah, yeah, we do.
Speaker 2You don't know how many chances we have left. You know this could be my last it's not, maybe not. But it is hard when you, like you, know it don't have to be that way anymore and you just want them to get what you got. It is difficult and we do. We, we believe in, uh, working through problems. Sometimes that's where the growth's at working through the difficulty. But I'll tell you when it gets to a point that it's putting others in harm by trying to help this individual, that's where we draw the line, because we do have people like you and and many more that they're accomplishing their goals and they're they're doing the, they're going through the hard part, not giving up. So we don't ever want to risk them. But it is tough trying to find that balance, you know so, a lot of prayer and uh, having a lot of people involved, not having one person making that call. Like you know, getting everybody's perspective helps. But but you've got a full dose of that work and it's not as easy as it looks no, it's not.
Speaker 3Um. And then another thing I noticed I would say is like just people who graduated in six months, I think this is a longer process than six months. That's another thing that kept me here longer is I see people graduate in six months. I wouldn't say all, but there's a lot that go back to doing the same thing and I felt like I didn't want to go back there. So the more I seen that, the more I said maybe I need to stay here longer. And I knew I still had a little. What's that word?
Speaker 1You had more work to do.
Speaker 3Yeah, I had a little more work to do, yeah.
Speaker 1It's almost. I mean, obviously I'm an outside perspective looking in, but it's almost like the people who cut and run when they get that certificate are people who took a six-month break from their lifestyle, where people who stick around are changing their lifestyle.
Speaker 2They just healed up a little bit.
Speaker 3Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1There's a question I always like to ask people. I just like to hear their perspective. I'm curious for you at what point in time during the last several years, when did you start believing that you could stay clean and sober?
Speaker 3I would say. Just recently I had to go, like I said the other day, go buy some liquor from a friend and I didn't want to be around this person.
Speaker 1For a friend, not from a friend For a friend. Okay, just making sure Go ahead.
Speaker 3And I went to the liquor store and bought a person's liquor and I seen how it was just they was carrying their stuff or how they was acting, and that's not something I want to be around or be that person anymore, you know made me realize how much I have changed to not want that no more. So how much is that risk?
Setting Goals for a Bright Future
Speaker 2yeah, how much is it yeah well, let me ask you one more thing about like now we've talked about everything that's happened over the last couple years or so. Like uh you did mention about uh, you'd like to own a business in the near future. What are other? Some of the other goals you have? Now that you do have the stability, got your license back, vehicle relationships are pretty solid. Like what, what's next for you, do you think?
Speaker 3get my own place so that I can be more around my kids. That's the hardest thing right now. It's just not. I'll be around them go ahead, simon sorry I do go around them um as much as I can, but I want to be able to see them more I think for a lot of us that's where it comes in.
Speaker 2At restoration house you're not able to have overnight visitors. Even alumni like you can take passes. But I do think you know it's normal and healthy. You get to that point where you're like you want to be more involved. You're, you're living a healthy, safe lifestyle. So I do think that makes a lot of sense. You know that was some of the I'm sure early on that was a goal that you had right. Yeah, I want to have my own place where that my kids can stay with me. You know where they can go to dad's. Even that just has a good ring. Yeah, I'm gonna go stay at dad's this weekend. So how, uh, how far out do you think that is?
Speaker 3um, I'm getting a place soon, I told frank, but it's not a place where I stays where I want to be, but it's just something to save more money and um, so I'm working towards it. It's not going to be long from now. Probably save another nine months, eight to nine months from now, so that's not long. I mean, the first thing was just for me to set an example for my kids that you know, I can be a better person. I think I accomplished that by realizing that I can. I had to do it for myself too. I didn't know if I could, you know, now I'm like I got everything I need to to learn what I need to, um, to be that person. So now it's just to go to the next step exciting times, right?
Speaker 2I mean, like I said, I truly believe knowing you, that if you set a goal, it's gonna happen. I watched you like you can't be deterred. He sets you, set your eyes on you, get it done.
Speaker 1That's a that's an admirable quality, I think well, even I mean you told me before we started that that the place you're looking like that looks like you're going to move into is more of a modest place. But even even making that decision and not saying I'm out of here and I'm going to get a three-bedroom, two-bath and it's going to be just me, like even just being willing to make that decision and taking your time is is really admirable.
Speaker 2It's not not a quality a lot of people have, period of that, of that level of patience oh yeah, in nashville, if you ever want to spend more money on rent, there's plenty of of offers. There's plenty yeah.
Speaker 2You know, but I'm glad you got to come on here today. Simon, I've been wanting to sit down with you for some time but schedules and stuff I just you know you're definitely one of the miracles and we want people to hear that it's possible and that even with difficulty, you could stay the course. My big thing was I wanted change, but I wanted it my way, yeah, and it took me a long time, many years, to get that. Maybe what I need isn't what I want you know and allowing that process to work for me.
Impact of Support and Resilience
Speaker 2So you know, I've kind of seen that with you, that you just gave it a chance and things got better and better and you've always been, like, like I said, one of the most positive people I know, consistently. You're the same about it and I'm sure you have your ups and downs, like anybody else, but you're pretty consistent every day, got a smile on your face and and always got something positive to say. And I think people see that. You know, I think that speaks volume when they see that joy in someone and they hear about those stories I got my daughter a car, and you know and that things are going so well. So, like always, we need more of you.
Speaker 3I mean it comes from you guys. You know, getting to see you guys going through the same situation and you guys are a great example for for what you just said, seeing a smile every day and, just, you know, carrying on and just being there for us. I don't think any of this was possible without you guys.
Speaker 2Well, we're so we're very grateful god led you here. We've got just as much out of the experience yeah, simon, thanks for joining us today.
Speaker 1Um, I mean, we know that part of people's success is is the relationships that we build, and so I'm sure that we'll have listeners who will find encouragement in your story and how sometimes it just takes time to get what you want. Most of the time, it takes time to get what you want, so thanks for joining us today, thank you for having me.