Unpolished Recovery
Unpolished Recovery fearlessly dives into the raw and unfiltered tales of triumph over addiction and alcoholism. We believe that true healing begins when we embrace our stories' messy, imperfect aspects. Whether you're someone seeking inspiration on your path to recovery, a friend or family member supporting a loved one, or simply a curious listener, this podcast offers eye-opening and uplifting insights.
Unpolished Recovery
Gift of Desperation: Kristen and David's Recovery
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This episode offers a deep dive into the raw and unfiltered experiences of recovery, showcasing the personal journeys of Kristen and David as they navigate the complexities of sobriety. Their candid discussions illuminate the importance of patience, accountability, and healthy relationships in fostering a successful recovery journey.
Unpolished Recovery
Speaker 1Welcome back to . Unpolished Recovery . My name is Trey . Most stories of recovery start with how bad addiction was , how an individual ended recovery and how great life is now . That's a polished story .
Speaker 2My name's Chris . I'm your co-host of Unpolished Recovery . I actually have two guests today , two alumni and graduates of the program . We have Kristen and David with us , so I appreciate you guys coming on and last minute notice . So how long have you been here , kristen ? I've been here almost seven months , and Dave , how long ?
Speaker 3I've been here for nine months .
Speaker 2So both of you've been graduated for at least a few weeks now and kind of what's different today versus the day you walked in ?
Speaker 4What's different about you ? Absolutely everything . From when I first got here I was coming out of jail , I really had no idea where I was going to go , what I was really going to do no job , no car , no money , absolutely no plan whatsoever other than get to the halfway house , and even that was a flop , with its own difficulties of when I was going to get out . I wasn't sure I was surprised by getting out . So , uh , coming here , I just came here and buckled down and and kind of just took everything literally day by day and and to just kind of do the right thing each day so that the next day would be better than the day I had before , and kind of work through things . What about you ?
Speaker 2Dave .
Speaker 4What was ?
Speaker 3the question .
Speaker 2What's different today versus the day you come in ? Oh , that was the question . Yeah , you're close enough . Okay , cool .
Speaker 3My attitude . For one , I had a lot of attitude and self-arrogance and pride issues , and I'm able to work through those today instead of act upon them .
Speaker 2I think it's crazy . When I interview guys and stuff like that , I'm like , oh , this one's got potential . But I really don't know what's going through that individual's head . You know what their process is like and I actually have told you all before . I did the program myself , so I know what that process is like showing up , you don't know anybody . I don't know if I was half expecting it to be like jail and the other half was like treatment , but it was nothing like I expected . But you was the program what you expected or completely different , or both was nothing like I expected . Was the program what you expected or completely different , or both ?
Speaker 4I think I had a fair idea of what things were going to be like from being in your class when I was in jail . Kind of an idea , but still mind-blowingly different . Look , when I first got here , I was given a certain amount of freedom . I'm actually really thankful that there are levels one , two and three . If I had been able to go to a three or alumni day , one out of jail never would have made it . There's just not a shot . I just , I just wouldn't . No , if I , if I , had been allowed to drive day one , I'd have been gone . You know , I mean , I just .
Speaker 4But over time you just learn to like , get along with people . It becomes your environment . You make friends , you find reasons why you're where you're supposed to be and doing what you're supposed to be doing . You , you start working the steps . You got things to do . You know you can't run off . You got responsibilities at some point . You know , I don't know , it's just , it kind of just happens to . You change just kind of one of those things where it just happens and sometimes you look back , go hey look , I changed . You don't really even see it while it's going on , I think .
Speaker 2What about you , Dave ? Anything that you , was it like what you expected or not .
Speaker 3We spoke on the phone in February when I was incarcerated and we kind of went over some of the guidelines and the rules of something that I would be agreeable to to come in here . And it was a change in pace is what it was . The rules and the guidelines stayed the same , but I had to change the pace myself to be willing to do that . So it had a very an impact on my life , the structure and the rules and the guidelines . It was like coming out of jail fresh into treatment and then here and it was a heck of a hop .
Speaker 2Definitely an adjustment . How long were you here when you actually ? How long did it take , I guess , to say like , hey man , things are changing , things are getting better , I'm right where I need to be , or whatever that process was for you ?
Speaker 3I would have to say , after the 30-day blackout of being on level one , it taught me a lot of patience that normally I wouldn't have had . I would have wanted to do what I wanted to do and come to find out those things are probably not the best thing for me , so it taught me to just sit down and listen and be patient .
Speaker 1Kristen , you were nodding your head in agreement about that 30-day window . I kind of was .
Speaker 4I tell people the first 30 days is that bullshit ? Just do it . Just just let it happen for you . You know , don't fight the system , just just be where you're supposed to be when you're supposed to be there , be micromanaged , feel the pressure of the micromanaging system . It's just part of the process . You know , eventually you'll get into a routine and things will feel more comfortable . But you know , give it 30 days . You know , if you got to give it 30 days , if you try , after two weeks every guy sounds the same they hate it , or it's the best thing in the world . You know they're already super gung ho . They're going to graduate tomorrow . They're ready now , you know . Or they just hate it , you know . But I tell them I'll just settle in , give yourself , pace yourself , take your time . You know you got nothing but time right now and just you're at the only place I can think of where you can actually work on what you've got going on and and the rest of the world kind of just stops for a little while . You know , yeah .
Speaker 1No one's rushing you .
Speaker 4Yeah , and they a lot of guys will come in and they talk about they want to contact their family and do this and that , and I tell them all the same thing . I said look to be there . You're not able to help . You're building yourself back up and even just talking to them , all you're going to do is hear their problems and what they've got going on and Aunt Susie's sick and all these different things that you've got to deal with . And you need to deal with what you've got going on right now , especially in that first 30 days . So , yeah , absolutely .
Speaker 2Now you guys come to us like two different routes . Like you had mentioned , I teach a weekly class at the local jail for just basic and intensive recovery and , dave , you were referred to us and we just got to talk on the phone . Do you think that was an advantage for you , kristen , to be able to be in class and hear about the program .
Speaker 4Yeah , absolutely . Even you know , when I was in jail I really hadn't especially had no idea what was going on Like this was the literally the first lifeline I had seen . While you know , since prior to going to jail , you know , even before months before I went to jail , I needed something had to happen . You know I was going to end up dead , so but it was the first lifeline and I just grabbed on to it and I think that guys who appreciate that and see that I can see we were talking earlier about that I can see when those guys come in that they're appreciative and they get it , you know , pretty quickly .
Speaker 4So , but yeah , but the class kind of set me up for success . I had already worked some of the paperwork done steps one , two and three on paper . I've already had done a relapse prevention plan . I didn't have to wait as a sanction to do one , I had already done one and it was actually really helpful that I had already done one . I've used some of the stuff that I actually wrote on that as a part of my recovery and so yeah , so some of those things that you did in the program are also in treatment .
Speaker 3Yeah , I just now noticed that , because I didn't know nothing about the BRIC program .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's awesome . The reason I was asking is , like so , from an outside perspective , someone that works for the program , and I've had interaction with both of you , like even though it was different referral sources , you both like came in like , hey , what do I got to do ? I just want to do what I'm supposed to you . Neither one of you ever had any major discipline issues . Like you were learning the ropes . I had some petty , you know routes I can't remember there were so few , but both of you have , you know , done great .
Speaker 2You know , and I was telling Dave earlier like you fall in the same category . Like you're a positive , you have a positive impact on our program , new people coming in , because you know I might interview them and I give them the rundown mostly just so they know the expectations . You know , like it's not every program , this is not for everyone . You really got to be willing to go to different lengths to be able to get better here . So it was just always fascinating Like this person come from here . But they both did well . Do you think , dave ? You mentioned that like going ahead and hitting the ground running with recovery . Do you think that was an advantage for you coming in here ? What ?
Speaker 3do you mean hitting the ground running ?
Speaker 2Like you were already starting in treatment . You had already started on step work , some of the things we do here . Did it better prepare you for your time here ? I didn't .
Speaker 3how do I say that ? Let's see . How do I say that ? Let's see ? It prepared me by going to the meetings and being able to sit and fill out paperwork .
Speaker 2And it got me comfortable starting to get in touch with myself , kind of got familiar with the recovery mindset . Right , yeah , you had mentioned before . Had you ever been in , worked a recovery program prior to coming to Restoration House ? No , what about you , kristen , had you ?
Speaker 4No , I haven't worked a recovery program . I was sober . I got sober the day they put handcuffs on me and so You're an idiot ? Yeah , exactly . And so once you're in a whole quick digging situation , I was in that situation and so I think maybe my mind had already started the recovery process . I wasn't like detoxing and all these things once I met Chris and got into the BRIC program . So I was ready for a change and I think that you know they talk in the rooms about the gift of desperation .
Speaker 4I was there , you know , and I think that when , when you've alienated the entire world and there's nobody that is there to help you and somebody says , hey , I have a plan , I have an idea , why don't you try this ? You grab on . You know what I mean . And once you've , you know I burned every bridge there was to burn out there . So I mean my options were none , you know .
Speaker 4So once I saw an option and I was like , okay , we're going to have to do that . That's where we're at , you know . And then once I realized , by being in the program and stuff , how many bridges I burned and how many options I had taken away from myself or removed in my life based on my actions . It made it a lot easier just to fall into the mold of doing what's expected and and and conduct myself the way that I'm expected to conduct myself the way I said I would when I came here fun fact for listeners we had started a conversation with david and then technology hijacked it , and then kristin hijacked it , and now we have four people .
Speaker 1And now we have four people , but , david , you were kind of sharing the same thing about , like when you arrived , you just became this sponge and I'd love for you to share that again .
Speaker 3All right .
Learning Responsible Freedom
Speaker 3Yeah , I guess when I came here , I didn't really know how to live a successful life . I came here I didn't really know how to live a successful life , so I had to be patient and take suggestions , as they say , and learn everything that I could , because what I've been doing hadn't been productive in life . It always led me to the same situations , the same answers , me to the same situations , the same answers , and it just wasn't working out . So I got a sponsor . I tried to do things on my own and that was unsmart , because what I did on my own got me here . So I started listening , and that's just pretty much the gist of it . I do things today with a conscious mind and the repercussions are minimal in a negative manner anyways , and that's where I'm at today really .
Speaker 1Well , that's a big deal to get to a place where the risk you take when something goes wrong that they're not dire consequences absolutely yeah , I was actually uh , thinking about that the other day .
Speaker 4I was like , all right , what's the worst case scenario ? I'm sober , I'm not going to relapse over anything that happens today . You know what I mean . And it actually it provides freedom and confidence to do some things . You know . I know that I'm not going to do anything that's going to risk what I've got going on . So they're just minor things . You know you can be friendly to somebody at work you may not normally talk to or take a chance on making a friend with somebody you don't see eye to eye with immediately or something like that .
Speaker 4Because what's the worst case scenario ? You know I'm not going to use over it , I'm not going to relapse over , I'm not going to jeopardize my program over it , so I can take these chances and risk , you know , having a little more confidence than , say , when I first got here I was very like , okay , somebody would say something like yep , you and me aren't going to be friends , I'm going to be over here doing this thing , you know , and just kind of move different , you know . But now it's a little more able to help somebody else along . I think no .
Speaker 3Absolutely Navigating life on life's terms .
Speaker 2And I think too , it's learning responsible freedom . We can do anything that we want to , but not everything is productive for us . In the past , everything sounded like a good idea until I got called or I got locked up . But I do think and I think the mistakes that I—I tell people all the time that the mistakes I make today don't cost me three to six years of my life . The mistakes I learned today are mostly learning experiences Like okay , well , that didn't work out .
Speaker 2Let me do it this way , so I don't feel like my whole life's in balance every day .
Speaker 4Yeah , it's a whole different set of consequences when the worst thing I can say is , well , yep , that happened , yeah , and keep it moving . You know like , yep , well , my bad , not gonna do that again , let's learn , keep it moving , you know , but it doesn't really . There's no life cost , there's no burning of the bridges anymore or any of that stuff .
Speaker 4Yeah , it's definitely a true story so I had I wanted to say something about . You had mentioned Chris , you had said something about freedom and the freedom to make choices and things like that . I can remember and this might sound odd to somebody but the scariest day that I had in the program was the day that I downloaded the Uber app . Before then I could make mistakes , but they were going to be on a bus line , I was going to be walking there , walking back , whatever it was going to be . But I downloaded Uber and I was like , oh , I can literally go anywhere . I was like I'm just going to stay home and sit this out for a little while . I'm not ready for it .
Speaker 4Like I can't emphasize enough how the levels I'm a huge fan , I needed those levels Like , all right , I'm going to be home at this time , even now , can stay out till 11 . Cool , I'll be in at 8 30 . I got some paperwork to do and that's that's it for me . You know , I just I just moderated myself enough until I could learn some life skills again to recognize problem areas and just stay away from it and out of it .
Speaker 4So but yeah , freedom day was the day I downloaded uber and then I bought a car and it wasn't a big shock , like I could have gone everywhere the day before because I had uber already , you know . So it was one of those freedom things . When I got a car I was like I could go anywhere , yeah , but I could do that the day before , so it really didn't have a detrimental impact , like I know that it could have , you know . But but on my relapse prevention plan even the one I did in jail uh , on there was , um , uh , recognizing that when I gain and get a lot of stuff money , car and stuff like that to be weary of that kind of stuff makes me want to go show it off or go back to old haunts and and look how good I'm doing and all that . So those are on my relapse prevention plan of things that I have to be aware that that my ego will take over and try to get me to drive this place , then I
Navigating Relationships in Recovery
Speaker 4can't do it .
Speaker 1I'm not built like that , I'm just , I think , survive it I think this is an obvious question , but have you always , either of have you always thought so much about the decisions you're making ?
Speaker 4Never in my life , no I actually , I actually sat melancholy for a while going , hey God , why didn't you give me the ability to understand consequences ? Like I really thought , like I don't know , I just skated by so much or felt like I was , you know , until it all comes crashing down . I really was like there's no consequences , like the consequences have never been horrific until this last time , losing everything and then taking a good look at that . But before that I mean I was literally like those rules don't apply to me . I mean , those apply to people who can't bounce back . You know so .
Speaker 2Is that the process that you would , you say , have hit rock bottom , or ?
Speaker 4you know yes , I hope so that better have been rock bottom . I've always been good .
Speaker 2Once I hit that I just get a shovel , you know . But I'm hoping those days are way behind me . But we were talking about Dave , with recovery , like what are some of the things you've gained today from working a program ? You had said not really been in a work to program before and then you started here . What's some of the things you believe that that's given you ?
Speaker 3I do have healthy relationships nowadays . And then another thing my family is back into my life .
Speaker 4And I don't know , Dave's family is in my life too . I went to Thanksgiving with Dave . Yes , you can see me if you look closely at the photo . I'm in the background .
Speaker 1You expressed that your family had separated themselves from you .
Speaker 3Absolutely . I came back from California to be close to family , and my family didn't want to have anything to do with me , and so I was homeless in my hometown , near my family , and so that was probably my lowest point in my addiction that I've ever had in my life . I came 2,500 miles home and didn't have a home . You fell farther away from them , I fell farther away from them , fell farther away , exactly . And then now I've got all these friends that tend to do right and you know , hang out and have a good time .
Speaker 2You had said before , kind of that process for you too was like you stopped blaming everyone else , like you just like , hey , some accountability . Like I'm the one my decisions made this way , I've got to do something different . Uh , you had mentioned that earlier . Uh , what about you ? Uh , kristen , what's some of the stuff that recoveries give you ? No , I , absolutely agree .
Speaker 4It's usually dave's fault , yeah , no , um , uh , you know what it's giving Dave's fault . No , you know what . It's given me a confidence rather than an arrogance , like I used to be able to walk around with like a bravado , like things weren't wrong , but they were really were , you know . But now I'm actually more comfortable , you know , not just kind of edging my way through things . You know what my morality is back , that's something like I really didn't care about the rules . I played fast and loose with the rules my whole life , as far back as I can remember , and being sober and having about 19 months clean and some stuff accumulating and friends that I trust and I like to be around . I just never want to go back to that and I think dishonesty played such a huge role in my past life that that'll eat me up .
Speaker 4So now , if you know , dave is my friend , you know , if there's something that I don't like that he's done or whatever , we just talk about it . You know , I would have never done that before . I would have just chalked it , you know , and it would have just been like I would have put a distance between us , you know . And then over time that distance gets greater and greater . But now my friendships are really important to me . So I want that gap to be closed . You know I don't want those things anymore . And , um , sometimes dave is my test dummy , you know , like I don't know , I'll just , yeah , I'll have conversations with him , be like , hey , I don't really like this , you know . And then you know sit down and talk about , you know , accountability and what my role is in it and those things are actually important to me . You know , not not putting it on somebody else . You know for me to really kind of do what I'm supposed to be doing on my side of the street , really , I think .
Speaker 2Well , in early recovery relationships , you know is a big part . There's a fine line could go either way . You know you can get you hope to get hooked up with the right people . They're like-minded , serious about recovery . And then there's the individuals that are just doing what they have to and that's just where they're at . It's not a judgment thing . But how do you determine that ? I mean , is it , like you said , especially in this program , you guys being alumni serving as peer leaders , like you see people come in like for your own recovery , do you keep a distance until you know they've proven they're safe ? Or like , how do you navigate through that ?
Speaker 4I think I think generally by gauging somebody's response to my healthy boundaries , like I have , you know , things that matter to me and their response , in the way they interact with me , once they understand what matters to me , kind of really tells me what they're about . You know , if my boundaries aren't important to somebody else , then you know , I keep my distance . You know , and don't get me wrong . I mean I have kept my distance from a couple of people who have just gained in growth here and stuff like that over time , you know , and I reevaluated those friendships , you know . But yeah , what ?
Speaker 2about you , Dave ? What do you do to try to navigate through that ?
Speaker 3It boils down to the amount of effort that I see people putting in . If it progresses , I'm willing to stick around . You know , because it took effort for me , so I had to put effort in and somebody seen progress in me and they stuck around . So as long as I see somebody trying to do something to better themselves , you know I'll stick around and help you out any way I can . Okay , Because that's what somebody did for me .
Speaker 4I've noticed too that if somebody doesn't really talk about recovery in like normal situations that they have going on in their life , I kind of shy away from them . Maybe it's just the stage where I'm at right now . But like me , dave and a few of our other friends we talk about , we try to recovery everything . He'll say say , hey , do you want to hear it from the recovery point of view ? Yeah , hit me with it . You know , it's just kind of how our conversations go .
Speaker 4You know , it's kind of what we're into and if , if that embracing a lifestyle right , and if it doesn't seem like somebody else is like ready to embrace that lifestyle , for whatever reasons they have going on , I can feel myself putting a little distance between myself and them too . It's you know .
Speaker 1I'm curious how uh those , since you're both in program leadership now , how you navigate that distance while fulfilling your role in in supporting other people in their recovery journey .
Speaker 4A lot of issues are just simply a black and white issue . When you're , when you're , you know uh , uh , they're written down . Thankfully , it's not my opinion , it's not my choices . These you know . Everybody here has signed a piece of paper saying that they wanted to be here and that they were going to follow certain guidelines and and my job as a lead is , when they don't follow those guidelines , to point them out and and and go from there . Um , on the other hand , those sometimes you also want to help them work through some stuff , and that can be a little tricky because now you're entering in your opinion , into things and it's they're two very different things . My opinion of something and the rules can be very different . They're not often , but they can be very different . You know , I can understand somebody's perspective or why they did what they did and and feel for them and be compassionate for them . On the other hand , you broke the rules . It's not up to me . The rules are written the way they're written .
Speaker 1Yeah , I'm guessing their response to that kind of dictates how much just moral support you can provide .
Speaker 4It really does . It really does and and you know what , uh uh , sometimes people come here and they have some struggles and they , they really get through it and they just become really great participants and so you can't tell . You just can't tell . I mean , first , 30 days are tough on everybody , I think , when they get here and you can't really sort out who somebody is going to be long term . And it's also another thing to give everybody the opportunity to not be the person they were when they got here . If you , if you just stick them to whatever box you put them in when they get here , or even after a month or two months or three months , you're not really giving them a fair chance to grow and you're not really accepting the world for what the world is at that time . I hope that makes sense .
Speaker 2Yeah , and Dave , is it hard to protect yourself and still do the duties of being a peer leader ? Because that's what it is You're helping guys with the stuff that you learned . Is that difficult ?
Speaker 3The challenges that I navigate with being a lead and being in recovery is sometimes the rules and recovery go hand in hand and sometimes they don't , and sometimes you've just got to do what's on the piece of paper and make sure everything's lined up accordingly , and once you do that , other things will line up . My opinions are opinions and I state these are my opinions , or you know what I'm saying , but you're going to do what you're going to do , regardless of the situation , whether I reread the rules to you or I give you an opinion , you're still going to do what you're going to do , regardless of the situation .
Speaker 3whether that's reread the rules to you or I give you an opinion , you're still going to do what you want to do . So that's how I kind of navigate those things . I try not to make any decision that I don't know for a fact . If I don't know for a fact , I always call , because my pride and my arrogance will get in the way and I'll think I know something or I'll do something out of my ego or something like that , and I have to call and be like , hey , am I making the right decision , you know ? And they'll be like , yes , that's the same thing . We would have told them . Okay , cool , then I know , then I've given out good information . But I still call and make sure .
Speaker 2You think it's easier to ask for help today versus , say , when you come in ?
Speaker 3Yeah , absolutely Absolutely . I thought I was going to come in and do these things on my own and sail through this program and it'd be easy , until I figured out that it's not . It's a definite change in life . It's a change in pace in everything that you do , my behaviors , my thoughts , like I still have messed up thoughts at times and I have to really understand that those are just thoughts , Like I've had thoughts of man today's not going well at work . I'm just going to leave , I've got paid vacation time , what do I do ? Ten minutes later I'm like I'm just going to stay at work . You know what I mean ? It takes me time to recheck myself and I can't always do that , especially with any kind of narcotics or anything like that in my system substances . But I guess that's how I navigate most of my days , or I call somebody else and they'll help me navigate it . So it works out .
Speaker 2I tell people all the time that learning a new way isn't centered around not using a drink . It's that I'm dealing with life differently than I ever have before . I'm willing to ask for help . That was the hardest thing for me . Coming in Early recovery is like . If I'm asking for help , does that mean I'm not as serious ? Does that mean that I'm weak , or does it mean I'm not going to make it ? All these things I get in my head that disease riddled brain I have . It'll distort my view of things , and I depend on other people to kind of help me sort that out . So do you believe today that you've got the people around you to help you do that ?
Speaker 4I believe . So I know that I've struggled with now and more recently now that I've graduated the program and stuff where for some reason in my head at first it makes it harder for me to ask for help . I feel like I should know some shit , you know . But then then I'll take a moment and realize , ok , I do need to ask these questions , I need to find out . And again , when it's program related , it's it's not my opinion . A lot of times it's it's the way the program set up . You know , it's just a matter of getting clarity for what the rules are and stuff .
Speaker 4But but my opinions , you know , I will bounce them off of friends . Now I have friends that I can trust their ideas and their opinions Ninety nine percent of the time , and so that's really nice to have . 89% of the time and um , so that's really nice to have . Um , it can really help center me and and get me out of myself and realize that I'm not in this by myself
Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Recovery
Speaker 4or doing this alone . I think that's a big portion of it too , is is we're not doing this alone by any means . You know , uh , yeah , I really have um , sympathy and empathy for guys that come here and they don't get a band of people put together that they feel like they can trust and work with and ask questions and bounce ideas off and and get good feedback from . I think that's been crucial .
Speaker 3for me , it really has been yeah , I still don't like asking for him , I still don't like it . But I have to reason myself and tell myself hey right , something I can't handle or something I can't do , I've got to ask or it goes left undone .
Speaker 2Well , I'm not going to mention anybody's name , but the relationship thing , support . So you know one of the guys in the program who I think highly of , that I just think has a ton of potential . When he first came in he had some setbacks and since then he pushed through . But I believe that , like in his case , that other people but he had played a big part , like he put the work in , had humility , owned his mistakes , but I think the people that after that that he surrounded himself with made a big difference . You know , um , he has still had to show up every day , so but but I do think that has an impact , just having someone that if you want help , I'll do it . I'm trying to stay clean today too . That's why I love recovery in In addiction man , everything had an angle , like if I helped you , it's because I thought I could gain something from you down the road , like , or you would be indebted to me in some way .
Speaker 2But I got peace in that going into a meeting . I'm like , yeah , I'll help you because I'm trying to stay clean and sober day too , and I have to help someone to do that . I'm like all the cards are on the table . You're helping me because you're working a program . I can do that . Yeah , absolutely .
Speaker 4And and uh , that's huge what you just said . I I've seen people fall away from the program that that were on the right path , it seemed like , and everything was going great for them , but they ended up surrounded by people who were not serious about recovery and being in the program and they fell away with them . You know they they were susceptible to not having boundaries and stuff and that was that's the boundaries is a huge deal . It's . It's there's some lines . I'm just not willing to cross some things and and the guys who I hang out with , they wouldn't even ask me . You know , it's not even it's not an option to ask me if we're going to go do something dumb . It's just not even part of the lexicon and it's just not .
Speaker 3Yeah , Sign me up .
Speaker 2Yeah , I was going to say when you were talking about that I used Dave was talking about if it hit my . That was my motto . If it feels good , do it . Whether it was right or wrong had not anything to do with it . If it felt good I was going to do it , and that is a hard way to live .
Speaker 3Absolutely .
Speaker 4That , Dave , was that 1% time I was talking about when I said 99% of the time ? It was that 1% right there .
Speaker 3Checked out . Yeah , I enjoy on . We attend this meeting on Tuesday nights . I had to learn about healthy boundaries and commitments . Nowadays , I don't say things that I am not going to be able to do , and I establish those healthy boundaries up front and don't expect someone else to know them without me telling them someone else to know them without me telling them . So that's a real big part of my recovery is the bridge meeting . I enjoy the bridge meeting .
Speaker 1I've learned so much from that . Yeah , and to those of us who are listening who are not in recovery , boundaries make you a healthy person , period . If you think you're healthy but don't have boundaries , you're not healthy . And uh , that's something that my wife and I walked through is that she just didn't have boundaries when we got together , um , and she heard me say no to a lot of things that I learned the boundaries from the same person that you're talking about , um , and her learning and building boundaries . Now , like you said a while ago , kristen , when someone doesn't respond well to her boundaries or my boundaries , it's like a neon sign that we know this isn't a healthy relationship , and so boundaries aren't just for people who struggle with substance abuse , they're for everybody .
Speaker 4Yeah , you can be friendly with everybody , but you don't have to be friends with everybody . Yeah , you know , some people are just not your person . They're just not your people , you know . I mean you still have to be respectful and kind and willing to help out and that's something that you know , especially in recovery , that we learn that personalities , you know , can't let that alienate the message of recovery . But you know , outside of that , you know you don't have to have my phone number to call me on , ask me , you know , normal , regular , friendly stuff . If I feel like you're not working towards the same goals I'm working towards , I just , you know , yeah , more importantly , I'm not strong enough to deal with that . You know I've seen me wrecked by surrounding myself with people that aren't like-minded or heading in the same direction I'm going . I just can't survive like that . You know I've seen that miserably fail in my life . I'm just not willing to do it again . I don't have another run .
Speaker 2Well , I know I've talked to both of you and things are going well . And things are going well . Like I know , david shared earlier that he has a career-type job . He loves it . He's making fair money . Are you in that , pretty solid in your ?
Speaker 4work . Yeah , I have a commercial driver's license so I drive a truck every day and I absolutely love my job . We actually work for the same company . So , yeah , in my interview I told my future boss who's my boss now that I was looking for a place that I heard his employees were happy and that's what I'm looking for . You know , you got anything like that . And he was like , yeah , come on in , dude , I got you . So I was like , all right , sweet , so , and really yeah , so I'm super happy . I know that helping people in recovery will probably always have to be a part of my recovery , but I don't see myself ever leaving my job . I absolutely love what I do .
Speaker 2Well , you mentioned you got a car and I know a lot about you guys , or at least since your time here , so I know some of the stuff you've accomplished , and I know that both of you have . Well , you got your license right , dave , like since you've been here , and that was a significant accomplishment , right 17 years without one . Yeah and what do you mind me asking , like final out the door , what you had to pay to get them back Me out of pocket ?
Speaker 3Just total what it cost $2,900 .
Speaker 4That's a pretty big commitment . And 17 years yeah , $2,900 and 17 years .
Speaker 3And lots of tickets .
Speaker 2Yeah , and I know you've both gotten vehicles and things . So what I'm getting at is you've put all this work in in a short period of time and you're reaping the rewards of that , and now you're building a life that's one it's easier not to use in agreed absolutely , and that you're accomplishing things , so it's it makes it harder to allow a risk in there . You know , like allowing other people in that could jeopardize that . Once you put all that work in , at least it has for me , like I hadn't always had these things . They may be basic for some people , but they wasn't for me , you know . And now that I have them , I want to hang on to them .
Speaker 2So if you're on something that's other than you know , that is outside of just the healthy behavior or trying to stay clean and sober . It's nothing personal , it's just business . I'm not willing to give this up anymore , and it took me a while to get to that point . Y'all probably honestly got to where you're at faster than my road took me . But once you get it , man , you just don't want to get it . It's wonderful . No one has ever taken anything from me ever . I gave it away , yeah .
Speaker 4I'm on that page too .
Speaker 2Here you go , and man , I'm trying not to do that stuff anymore .
Speaker 4Right For me . I was tired of being mad at people who didn't do anything wrong . Once I realized that they hadn't actually done anything wrong , I was like , man , that's all on me , isn't it ? That's a tough pill to swallow . You've done all this stuff , and other people have a right to have their resentments against you . A lot of times in recovery , we talk about our resentments that we have about the past , but the amount of resentments that I've left behind in the world for other people to have towards me is just huge , you know , and so that's something , something to be worked through , you know , and that's something that I work through .
Speaker 2One more question , guys . I really appreciate you dedicating the time to kind of share your story . But if , if someone was at the place , you were like incarcerated or whatever in treatment , maybe and we're looking to take that next step if you could give them some advice ahead of time based on what you've learned , like what would that be ?
Speaker 3If they were a drug addict or an addiction , I would tell them to definitely attend treatment . Start there . That would be my response 's . I mean that it helped me , so I mean that's all I can do , you think sober living is a key part to like going from treatment to sober living .
Speaker 2Do you do you think that increases their chance of success ? Absolutely absolutely .
Speaker 3It continues on from from treatment . It just it puts you at the next level . It's like in the book the Steps , it's like the next step . I figured you go to treatment , dry out , learn a few things , then try to get back out in the world , transition out into the world and have a little bit more freedom . But keep on it , start working on you .
Speaker 2One step at a time . What about you , Chris ? What would be your advice to someone that's just starting a journey ?
Speaker 4Starting the journey in the same place , I was in jail .
Speaker 2Could , be .
Speaker 4Take a look at your jumpsuit that you're wearing and know that I'm not wearing one right now . You know I mean it sounds . You know a lot of people respond to just materialistic things . I have nice stuff and when I was locked up I didn't nor did I have any hope or ambition , or even sitting here doing this podcast was never even on my radar of stuff that I would be doing at some point . I thought I would just use and die and that would be life . So give yourself a break .
Building Supportive Recovery Networks
Speaker 4Go to a meeting . Take a friend , take two . Go to a meeting . Take a friend , take two . Go to a meeting .
Speaker 4Make a friend you know , uh , maybe not take yours , maybe they're just not your people . You know what I mean . Just cause you run around with some people , don't mean they're your people , you know . Uh , uh , you know , if they are , they'll follow you into a meeting room . They'll follow you to to , to this path too . You know , if they're not willing to come down this road because they're scared they got other issues . Man , set your boundaries up . They're not . They're not for you , man , it's OK not to , it's OK not to have everybody in your life all the time . You know they can be saved later , it's OK .
Speaker 1To our listeners Thanks for joining us today . We know addiction is not going to get better from things like tougher laws , but it's going to come from people sharing what they've .