113: Thinking of Doing Sober October? There's a Better Way

With Sober October starting today, I'm exploring when (and if) you should take a break from alcohol. 

Why designated challenges like Dry January and Sober October get criticism, particularly when people restrict their entire social life and end up miserable, and share what actually makes these alcohol-free breaks successful. 

The truth? There's never a perfect time to take a break, so stop waiting for your calendar to magically clear. 

I reveal why white-knuckling through 30 days only to binge afterwards defeats the purpose, and share alternative approaches to mindful drinking and moderation that don't involve counting every drink.

Whether you're considering a complete alcohol break or exploring different moderation techniques, this episode will help you take back the power of choice on your own terms and finally take a real step towards resetting your drinking.

2:10 The critique of dry months challenges

7:10 How to make the most of your month off

8:43 What happens after your month off

11:51 Taking your own break

13:16 Is there ever a perfect time to take a booze break?

15:41 The 3 things that make a successful alcohol reset

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Chapters

• 2:10 The critique of dry months challenges
• 7:10 How to make the most of your month off
• 8:43 What happens after your month off
• 11:51 Taking your own break
• 13:16 Is there ever a perfect time to take a booze break?
• 15:41 The 3 things that make a successful alcohol reset

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:31

Sober October is coming up, and it's got me thinking about a topic we haven't yet covered on this podcast, and that is when is it a good time for you to choose to take a break from alcohol? If at all. Hello, hello, and welcome to the latest episode of the Mindful Drinking and Moderation in Midlife podcast. With me, Denise Hamilton Mace. I am your mindful drinking mentor, and I'm here to help you design and build a life less intoxicated on your own terms with no judgment and no expectations. So uh Sober October is coming up. I'm recording this on Tuesday, the 30th of September. Uh, and yes, this is for tomorrow's release because I've fallen behind with so much that I've been doing, uh, getting together for you the new four-week midlife mindful drinking reset. But it all ties in, so I'm justified in being a little bit late on my preparation this week. I know you'll forgive me. So, when is there a good time to take a break from alcohol? I think the truth of this answer is there's never going to be a perfect time. So, if you were listening to this episode hoping that I'd be able to give you uh a specific date down to the very minute that you should start taking your break, then I'm afraid we're going to disappoint you because there is no one perfect time. So, today we're going to talk a little bit about um taking a break in general, and then let's also talk about these specified times of like sober October and dry January. And as that's coming up, I think that's a good place to start. So we've got Sober October coming up, which is the Macmillan uh cancer research uh alternative or addition to dry January, which is the 30-day break, which was originally organised by Alcohol Change UK and is now spread across the world. Uh, I don't have any numbers for Sober October, but I do know that in lot that last year, in 2024, 15.5 million Brits, just Brits, took part in dry January. And that is just the people that took part via their app that they were able to record. If you spread out all those people who just gave it a go, and then everyone around the world, we're talking huge, huge numbers. So obviously, these active moderation uh breaks from alcohol that I've spoken about lots of time are extremely popular, and well, they should be. Now, they do get a little bit of a bad rap. There are some people who are quite anti-dry January and anti-sober October, and then the long one is sober spring, which is up an entire season, three months off of the booze. Now, why would people be against that? Well, the theory is, uh, and and I'd love to know what you think about this, and I'll share my thoughts afterwards. Of course, it's what I do. But the theory is that when you take a designated break from alcohol, like in particular dry January, especially as it falls after such a hedonistic time, Christmas uh is full of parties and events and get-togethers, and no matter what your um intentions or or penchance are when it comes to celebrating the season, you can't deny the fact that there are just lots of people out lots of times, and people will want you to come and spend time with them. So, generally, over this time, you're getting absolutely hammered for a good solid three weeks to be hanging out your ass for most of the Christmas break and then decide to take an entire month off in January. And what happens is you normally start off with really good intentions, but that's likely because you're hungover. And then after a couple of weeks, you start jonesing for when things will get back to air quotes normal. You know, when can I have my next drink again? I'm just gonna stay at home, I'm not gonna go out, I'm not gonna socialise. And that there, that is the crux of what makes these dry month challenges such a no-no for some people. It's the fact that you'll take this break and decide to do absolutely nothing with your life in some misguided belief that the only way to take a break from the booze is never to go outside into the evil world where alcohol lives. And I've got to be honest with you, that's a really bad way to do it. It's so, so bad. The point of taking a break, like dry January or sober October, is to give your body and your brain and your mental health a break from the effects of alcohol and recognize that you can enjoy your life without relying on booze as the crux of your social situations. It's not the glue that holds you all together. So, when you take a break, particularly as I said, in in January, think about what it's like outside. It's cold, it's it's windy, it might even be snowing, which can be fun. Um, it's likely raining, particularly if you're here in the UK. Uh, and it's just not something that puts you in a really good mood. January is not the most fun month of the year, even if you are doing what you usually do. So then if you add on top of that the fact that you are restricting yourself from doing the things that you have previously enjoyed just because you're not allowing yourself to have alcohol while you're doing it, then it turns into a really boring, miserable, negative experience. As is evidenced by the many, many people who attempt dry January and get about halfway through it and go bugger this, I'm going down the pub. And the same is said for sober October. Now the weather is slightly nicer. Uh, we do have nice things going on in October. This time, autumnal time of year is absolutely stunning. But it's still a less sociable time. Everyone's gearing up to get ready for Christmas and not going out so much, just getting over the school summer holiday. So you're in that sort of in-between time. But whatever it is, when there's one of these sort of predetermined breaks from alcohol, if you approach these as a complete restriction on every aspect of your social life simply because you're not having alcohol, then all you're doing is teaching yourself that you can't have a good time when you're not having any alcohol. You're not really giving yourself the chance to experience a life less intoxicated if all you do is sit indoors looking at the rain outside, going, This is really boring. The idea of these breaks is to actually experience life, is to still go out, is to still see your friends, is to still go to the places that you enjoy, but just not to have alcohol whilst you do it. And yes, I know that is easier said than done, but things are hard. You have to choose your hard. Staying sober is hard, drinking too much is hard, moderating is hard. Choose your hard. I, for one, would rather choose the hard that's going to give me the best result in the end if it's going to be hard anyway. So that's why some people are sort of anti these dry month challenges. Um, but the other side of them, of course, is that for those people who do, um, I hesitate to use the word complete them, but for those people who do continue on that path for those 30 days or 31 days and do give it uh a good the good old college try, as they say, hopefully what happens for those people is they get to the end of it and they recognize that wow, do you know what? I feel better, my skin's cleared up, I'm sleeping better, I've got less brain fog, uh, I'm in a better mood, I'm getting on better with my other half, my kids aren't annoying me quite as much as they usually do. And you've recognized that there are all these positives to taking a break from alcohol. And hopefully what you've done is you've combined that with actually spending some time out in the real world, socializing with your friends, with your family, and recognizing that there is a life that includes fun, but doesn't always have to come with alcohol. Now, one of the things I always say about these designated month-long breaks is that it's all well and good to give it the good old college try, as I said. But I think what's really important is what you do afterwards. If you're just white knuckling your way through sober October to get to November the 1st and go, yay, that's it, I can drink again, and all you do is go to the pub and get absolutely legless, then you've kind of defeated the purpose of everything you've done and kind of missed the point. Not to judge, you know, I don't judge, I love you dearly, but what you're supposed to do with these times is see how this lifestyle sits with you, and then look at how you want to incorporate that going forward, whether or not you want to continue being completely alcohol-free, whether you want to start looking at different moderating techniques, whether you just know that you want to keep the alcohol intake low, whatever it is, um, you really do need to make sure that when you get to the end of your month-long challenge, you have given some forward thought to how you want your life to look afterwards. I remember I have attempted several dry Januaries and sober Octobers in the past. Uh, and one time, one did really stick for me. I did a dry January, got to the end of the month, uh, and I felt really good. I honestly did, I felt amazing, which I'm sure is not that surprising. And I decided to keep going. And I actually ended up doing three months, I think it was about three and a half months that I did completely alcohol free. And that for me was a really, really long time. And this was a good 10, 11, maybe even 12 years ago now. I'm terrible with dates. My memory is is shot to pieces for anything from before I changed the way that I drank. I don't know if you feel the same, but oh dear, forgotten so many things. But yes, around about 12 years ago, um, and I felt absolutely fabulous for it. And I and I continued doing it because I'd recognized that there were so many benefits that I got from it. And when I went back into previous drinking habits, I think it clicked something in my mind. Uh, and and it told me that I knew that there was a lifestyle that I could achieve that could give me more of what I want and less of what I didn't want. Now, it took me several more years before I put that into action, but I did learn a lot from it, and that's really what I want you to do if you do decide to take one of these month-long breaks this sober October. So that is your sort of designated, um, predetermined month-long stint, as is put together by somebody or some group that have said this is what you can do to take a break from booze. And I will add to that as well that if you do decide to do something like Sober October, um, to go to the Macmillan uh websites. If you're doing dry January, go to the alcohol change websites. There are lots of tools and resources out there for you and take full advantage of them. They are designed to help you succeed with the goals that you have set yourself. So why not? And then the other side of the coin is just choosing to take a break at any old time. Now, this one you might be surprised to hear considering I said how well dry January turned out for me a while ago. This is where I think the real bonus lies. Because the thing about the sober October is that this is somebody else's rules. Now, I don't know you personally, but I'm guessing that as you're on this podcast with me, we're probably a little bit similar. Uh, and maybe you don't always like living by somebody else's rules. I hate being told what to do, even when I know it's better for me. I am really stubborn, and so I find that being told what to do by other people stops me from doing the things that I need to do until I can, you know, stop throwing my toys out the pram and be a proper big girl about it. Um but you don't have to wait until there is a designated break. You don't have to follow somebody else's rules. You can choose to take a break from drinking in any form that you wish, whenever you want. Light bulb. I know it's amazing. And look, taking a break at any time doesn't always have to mean going completely teetotal. There are different ways that you can take some time out to reassess your relationship with alcohol. The biggest challenge that I hear about from people when it comes to taking a break, uh, and specifically we're talking about just doing it at any time, is that they're always trying to think, oh, well, let me just check my calendar and see when's going to be a good time. Right. I can't do it in March because it's my 40th, and I can't do it in April because it's my best friend's hen or stag due, and we're all going away. Oh, and then uh I can't do it in May because we've got that holiday booked. Oh, maybe June. Oh no, wait, I can't do it in June. We've got that big uh end of year company due in June. I've got to do that. And then July, oh well, that's the start of the summer holidays, and we always get together. Me and my friends always get together in July, and then August, well, that's the summer holidays, and so on and so on and so on. And hopefully, what you're gathering from this is that there will always be a reason for you not to take a break. So it is pointless you looking at your diary and waiting until all the stars have magically aligned and everything in life is set exactly as you want it, and it's all ideally perfect for you to decide to make a change to your relationship with alcohol. Because if you're waiting for that day, it is never going to arrive. I'm sorry, I promised you I'd always tell you like it is. Instead, what you need to do is recognize that life is always going to keep on life. I believe that's how the kids say it. That things are always going to occur. You're always going to have birthdays, you're always going to have work dues, you're always going to have holidays. Well, if you're lucky, you're always going to have uh friend events where you're catching up with old pals or or regular meetups with new pals. There's always going to be something. So it's pointless waiting until there isn't anything. Instead, what you need to do is grab that ball by the proverbial horns and make a decision as to when it's best for you to take a break on your own terms. We love that saying here, don't we? On your own terms. Because that's when you know that you're likely to make the most of it. When you've recognized that you are ready to take a break, whether that is because you are feeling rotten, whether that's because you've got some stuff coming up that you actually want to be on point for, or whether you've just been thinking about it for a really long time and you're ready to start taking action. Whenever that is, that's when you should start it. The most important thing when you're taking a break from the way that you allow alcohol to show up in your life is that you take stock of where you are now, how you're going to manifest this break or this reduction or this time out, and finally where you want to be afterwards. Why are you doing it? What do you want to get out of this? And I've been thinking about all of this so much lately because I've been putting together the four-week midlife mindful drinking reset. And that is a break that is designed to be slightly different to a dry January or a sober October. My goal with the reset wasn't to create something to make you stop drinking outright for an immediate break and a shock to the system, followed by a deep spiralling back into old habits that you're trying to break. The idea behind the reset for me was always been about helping you to recognize your patterns, see where and why and how they've been formed, and look at what you want to achieve and marry those two together to figure out how you can take back the power of choice from alcohol and manage some time away from the booze, whether that's entirely or whether that's through a moderation technique, so that you can achieve the things that you want to achieve. Taking some time out could be complete abstinence for a month. It could be deciding to try mindful drinking for a month. It could be accepting that when you do go out for the next month, you're going to moderate your intake and only allow yourself to have certain parameters of alcohol consumption. There are so many different ways that you can approach this. And one of the things that frustrates me is that whenever we talk about moderation out there, it's always just either taking sober October off of booze or it's counting your drinks every time you're out. And there's so many nuances in between. Counting your drinks is one of the most depressing ways to socialise, if you ask me. And it just doesn't work. I don't, I don't personally think that it works, but what I do know is that it's horses for courses, and different things work for different people. And what doesn't work for me might go gangbusters for Fred down the street. And what works for Fred might not work so much for Susan. I've got to get better names. And I always go get these really old-timey names when I'm doing this. I don't know why. I've got to get some new trendy names. Angus and Alfie and all those names are all back in fashion now. I'll try and use those going forward. But uh, names aside, my point being is that if you decide that you want to take a little bit of a break from the way you're allowing alcohol to church in your life, there are so many different ways that you can do it. Now, you could look at something like the four-week uh mindful drinking reset and look for tools and options, and of course, I will link it in the show notes for you, not just because I made it, but because I made it to be truly helpful to you. Um, or you could obviously go out and do your own research. You can look at things like the Macmillan Sober October or the Alcohol Change Dry January. I think they're also the ones who do sober spring as well. So there are lots of different ways out there. The most important thing is that you make sure that you're going to get the most out of this break, however it looks. Don't just go in blindly, restrict yourself to a life of beige boredom, doing nothing, seeing no one, sitting in, feeling miserable. Make the most of your life. Make the most of the fact that you'll be taking a break, you'll be feeling energized after a little bit of time, maybe give it a few days, but you'll be feeling energized, you'll be feeling more clear-headed, you'll be feeling more motivated. And this is the time to really make the most of your life. See those people who mean the most to you. Spend time with your family, catch up with your friends, start a hobby, read that book, do that thousand-piece jigsaw of a sandy beach, learn to speak, cling on, whatever it is that's on your to-do list. When you're taking a break from alcohol, it's a great time to sink your teeth into it and give yourself something positive to focus on rather than just sitting there thinking about what you quote unquote can't have. So I hope this has helped to motivate you to recognize that you have the ability to take back the power of choice when it comes to how you allow alcohol to show up in your life and when you decide to take a break and what that can look like. If it has, then I have a small request, which is to give this episode or give this show a like and a rating and a review or whatever they call it on your app of choice. I get so many great comments from all of you, and I'm so appreciative of them. But if you do give this a five star rating and maybe a review, if you're able, then that helps me to reach more people who are looking to live a life less intoxicated. Cheers, and I'll catch you next time.