186. Are You Chasing Old Feelings With Alcohol?

Some of the strongest pulls back towards a drink have nothing to do with a bad day and everything to do with a good decade.

 Picking up where last week's episode left off, moving from the "yesterday" of last night's overdrinking to a different kind of yesterday altogether: nostalgia. 

As a midlife moderator, some of the hardest drinking triggers aren't about stress or celebration; they're about longing for the wide-eyed, anything-could-happen nights of our 20s and 30s. 

I talk about why chasing those old memories with alcohol never quite delivers, why we don't need to denigrate the good times we did have with drink in order to build a better relationship with it now, and how nostalgic drinking keeps you looking backwards instead of building the new memories that are still there to be made. 

By the end of this episode you'll know:

• Why nostalgia is one of the biggest hidden drinking triggers in midlife
• How to stop feeling guilty about good times you had while drinking
• Why you can't recreate an old feeling by recreating the environment with alcohol
• How to let go of the longing for "yesterday" without dismissing your past
• Where to find more support if mood and nostalgia drive your drinking habits
• The one, simple question that can shift your moderation mindset right now

Also mentioned:

ep#185. What to Do After Drinking More Than You Intended - https://www.buzzsprout.com/2229527/episodes/19494498

ep#175. 6 Causes, 6 Questions: What's Really Driving Your Over-Drinking? - https://www.buzzsprout.com/2229527/episodes/19128834

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🌱 Ready for real change in the way you drink? - https://www.lownodrinker.com/4weekreset

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🗝️ Become a Vault member to get access to the moderation tools that actually help - https://mindfuldrinking.substack.com/s/the-vault

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✏️ Come hang out with me on Substack - https://mindfuldrinking.substack.com/

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❓ Take the Midlife Drinking Triggers Quiz - https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/68dd33385bb4a20015996a13

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*Some links are affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may earn a commission that helps me keep the show going. Thank you.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:01

Last week in episode 185, we talked about the yesterdays of today and the events of the last 12 to 24 hours and how they can sometimes lead you to self-sabotage your own moderation momentum and how important it is for you to highlight progress over perfection, even when you've had a night that led you to drink more than you intended. Because believe it or not, you are actually doing way better at this than you give yourself credit for. Today

Rosé-Tinted Memories In Midlife

SPEAKER_00 0:30

I want to talk about a different type of yesterday, the other type of yesterday that can be a slap in the face, particularly for midlife moderators, the nostalgic yesterday. Not the things that happened 12 to 24 hours ago, but the rose tinted spectacle memories of things that happened 12 to 24 years ago. You're listening to the Mindful Drinking and Moderation in Midlife podcast, where it's my goal to help you take back the power of choice from alcohol. I'm your host and mindful drinking mentor, Denise Hamilton Mace, and this is the start of your journey to a life less intoxicating. Now, as a 47-year-old woman, of course, one of my favorite TV shows is the American teen drama The Vampire Diaries. And to echo the sentiment of the ever so dashing Damon Salvatore made meme famous, uh, nostalgia is a bitch. Have I just lost half of my male listenership? I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry. Come back to me. Stay with me. Always and forever. Sorry, that was one for the originals fans out there. I'm done now, I promise. Um, but honestly, nostalgia for me is the yesterday that fueled so much of my drinking later in life. When I was younger, when I was in my 20s and 30s, I was living in the moment, and I'm guessing you were too. It was all wide-eyed enthusiasm and endless possibility. Every night out that we had back then was filled with the unending possibility of what could happen. Where will I go tonight? Who will I meet? Who will I be? What's going to happen? Where am I gonna end up? And that's where most of our best stories live, right? In the friendships and the romances and the broken hearts and the adventures of everything that was still um new and exciting. But as we get older, inevitably so, and gratefully so, but as we get older, those feelings start to live more and more in our memories and less and less in the real life that we have built. And those nostalgic yesterdays are their very own special kind of challenge because they're never going to go away. We're always going to have those memories, but by retaining them, we also end up retaining a certain sense of longing to relive them. And sometimes that longing becomes very, very visceral, almost overwhelming. Uh, whether it's the good times, the bad times, the ups, the downs, all of it, that feeling might never go away. And and I know it hasn't for me so far. And in a way, I don't want it to.

Chasing The Good Times of Yesteryear

SPEAKER_00 3:18

But I also know that chasing those feelings with alcohol is a bit like being the donkey, chasing the carrot, whilst also beating yourself with your own stick. Because those yesterdays aren't coming back. They had their moment and they were wonderful. Good times, bad times, and everything in between, they were the moments that made you who you are today. And for that, we can be forever grateful. And that's why I always say that we don't need to denigrate our past. We shouldn't belittle the good times that we did have with alcohol in order to move forward to a life that has less of it. Too often, the message around alcohol is that it's all bad and that no good can ever come of it. Now, I'm obviously not going to sit here and argue the opposite and start encouraging more booze, but if you do have good memories with it, as I do, then why would we want to diminish those and belittle those positive times that we had in our lives that could have led to great connections with people, that could have led to relationships, or like me, lucky enough to have met your husband whilst working with alcohol? You know, there's a lot of good stuff that we did have, and just because something isn't serving you well now, it doesn't mean we have to pretend that it never did. But we do need to let it go. To stop chasing the yesterdays and to start looking forward to the tomorrows that we still get to build. And to do that, to use moderation to build yourself a life less intoxicated, that all starts with what you do today. It all starts with accepting where you are on your journey right now and making a plan for the next moment, for the next night out, for the next drink that you do or do not want to have. That's why when I built the four-week uh midlife mindful drinking reset, I started week one with awareness. Because without that foundational understanding of why we drink the way we do, what we expect to get out of alcohol, what we want it to do for us, what it's done for us in the past, without that understanding, it's much harder to build that life less intoxicated on top of that foundation. So, how do we do that? It all starts with a bit of honest self-reflection, at looking what's really driving our drinking habits and why. So, episode 175, which is six causes, six questions, what's really driving your over-drinking, and of course I'll link to that in the show notes for you. Um, that is a really brilliant place to start because in that episode we're talking about what's really driving you to overdrink. And mood, in this case, nostalgia, is one of the main protagonists for a lot of people. So if you feel that nostalgia is one of those things that leads you to want to recreate those old feelings, then you are not alone in that. A lot of people have that feeling when it comes to alcohol. There's also a vault tool that I made to go with that episode. So if you went and checked out the vault last week, as I know some of you did, then you can get the vault tool that goes with that episode as well, because that's got some great insight into some simple questions you can ask yourself to help you figure out what might work better for you, and also some practical drinking advice to go with it as well. Of course, because this show is all about practical moderation.

Making New Memories With Less Alcohol

SPEAKER_00 7:03

But back to nostalgic drinking, because the thing about nostalgic drinking is that it always leaves you wanting more. You're chasing a memory of a feeling, but that feeling belongs specifically to that time. It's not something that you can manufacture again at 20 years on just by synthesizing the same environment through booze. So it's far better to let those memories live on in their space and be cherished as what they are than it is to almost tarnish them by trying to force them back today because it won't be the same. Besides which, you've still got new memories to make, new experiences to have, people to meet, places to go, things to do, whether that is with old friends in new ways or with a brand new set of loved ones in your life. And by practicing your moderation skills, by keeping mindful about what and how much you drink, you'll actually be able to create and hold on to those memories rather than losing them to too much booze when you can't form new memories on a night out.

Letting Go of Guilt & Building From Today

SPEAKER_00 8:17

So if you take one message away from these last two episodes, I want it to be this. Yesterday's always gone. Tomorrow never comes. Now is all you have. So let's let go of the guilt, okay, about last night's overdrinking. Let's let go of the longing for something that we can't bring back. And let's figure out through building our moderation skills and muscles what we want to start building on today. And finally, I want you to answer this one question for yourself, if nothing else, just this one. What choices are you going to make right now that can help you take back the power of choice from alcohol? Okay, that's it from me for this week. I hope you liked this uh two-part mini series. Uh, I would love to hear what you think about it. So please feel free to head to the show notes and click the send me a message button. And of course, while you're there, you'll also find the links to everything we spoke about in today's episode, including the episode from last week if you missed it, and the vault where you can find the tools to help you work through all of this in your own time. I shall see you next Wednesday for another episode of the Mindful Drinking and Moderation in Midlife podcast. Until then, cheers to a life less intoxicated.